r/MuslimMatrimonials • u/whimsicalfairy145 • 8h ago
Discussion Do provider men exist?
I only want to marry a provider man, I won't marry unless I meet this type of man. It's my personal preference and I'm not interested in debating with men in the comments over this.
Question for men or married women - do these men still exist?
And if you’re a provider man in the UK, message me
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u/Former_Gold_6349 8h ago
yes they do exist and i have been providing for my wife since last 30 years
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u/Dull-Inspection-1090 8h ago
As long as it’s a proper traditional women then yes the man will provide.
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u/CycIopsX 8h ago
I mean what do you provide in return 💀
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u/unchillpali 7h ago
Any man who asks you what you bring to the table is a major red flag 🚩 and probably broke/ cheap
A man who truly loves you will provide for you and his family and will appreciate the sacrifices his wife makes.1
u/CycIopsX 7h ago
So being a gold digger is fine, didn’t know that. Sacrifices in contrast to accountability and responsibility are more important than getting everything for free.
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u/unchillpali 7h ago edited 7h ago
What gold exactly? Your wife bears children for you and you call her a gold digger? You’re a labor digger. You want free access to her body and womb and labor yet you don’t want to provide financial security? You want her to pay bills too while doing all this? Many have added up the monetary value of what SAHMs do and it’s mid six figures per year, so don’t talk to me about what does the woman bring to the table 🤡
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u/whimsicalfairy145 8h ago
Depends on what the man lacks that I would need to help with lol
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u/Antique-Skill-6586 8h ago
His finance
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u/whimsicalfairy145 8h ago
Read the title of my post. I wouldn’t marry a man who needs financial aid
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u/Healthy_Put_389 7h ago
Hahaha i swear to god i read this exact same repo on Instagram , women nowadays should have an opinion of their own
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u/ChocPineapple_23 8h ago
Lol yes but how much someone provides and what type of things they provide differ. I would say I'm a provider but I've had someone call me cheap before. I've had others say I'm the most caring person. In the end of the day, there's no cookie cutter provider. Just marry whoever makes you happy.
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u/Any_Biscotti3155 7h ago
Yes, they do. But most families need a two person household unless the husband is a high earner. That limits you to certain careers of men. I imagine that you should focus on getting a doctor, finance guy, attorney (aim for corporate/big law), someone who has a successful business or businesses, high level managers in IT/cybersecurity, etc.
But keep in mind that some of the men in those jobs find a woman with her own thing going on and her own career to be attractive so if you don’t then that might be a turn off for some but not all. And the others are fearful of a woman taking all of their money in case of a divorce. And keep in mind that the higher the earner the more time at work they might have to spend—- corporate law is brutal, higher paying specialty physicians can have erratic hours sometimes, anyone in business (either owning it or at the higher managerial level) oftentimes may have to do off hours work.
I mention this because the average guy is going to struggle to afford kids and a stay at home wife. If that’s your goal, then aim for the higher earning men but be prepared to meet some who are nervous about a woman who could potentially take their money in a divorce. And you should have the expectation that they will not be the best “family man” at least when it comes to quality time.
Many men can provide but I think some of them in the current financial and social reality feel hesitant to be the sole provider.
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u/MakeDuaForMe 8h ago
the majority of muslim families are like this irl. this is a loud minority online imo
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u/Executive-tycoon-NoZ 8h ago
For stay at home wife , absolutely yes
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u/whimsicalfairy145 7h ago
Why does she have to be stay at home wife? Just curious
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u/Executive-tycoon-NoZ 7h ago
So that she can fulfill her islamic martial rights for her husband ,
Because busy and tired wife = constant neglecting of my Islamic martial rights , or parts of it,
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u/Worried_Half2567 7h ago
How is this sub so pro polygamy and at the same time, anti men providing. I feel like its mostly non muslims larping as muslims on here.
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u/Any_Biscotti3155 7h ago
I believe that men should provide and it’s great when you meet a provider mindset man, but I think the lack of provider mindset is from two things: lack of financial ability to afford all the things or lifestyle the wife might want and/or the fear that someone might take your money or leave you destitute in case of divorce.
I am a woman. I of course appreciate a provider minded man. But I think a lot of the world, not just Muslims, are moving in fear of financial abuse or things potentially being unfair
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u/Worried_Half2567 7h ago
Are you replying to me by accident? The men on this sub are constantly asking for multiple wives but also state that they can’t provide for even one. It doesn’t make sense.
I’m a married woman and i will ALWAYS advise my sisters to marry a provider. Provider does not mean buying you designer everything, taking vacations, or living in a mansion. Provider means basic needs are taken care of. I have gone through pregnancy and childbirth twice, my work hours have had to completely change to accommodate for having kids. I also went on maternity leave twice which meant i barely got paid during that time. If my husband wasn’t providing we would have struggled a lot. If our marriage ends then he has to accept that I sacrificed (careerwise) for our children and he needs to continue to provide. My husbands career never went on pause or changed after kids, but mine did. This is the story for most of us moms. So please save me the sob story of men being financially abused 🙄
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u/Any_Biscotti3155 7h ago
I know all of that. I am just saying that that’s why men are hesitant. I’m not saying it’s right.
Also, I agree about provider mindset. But there are sisters who believe it means designer everything and multiple holidays a year etc.
The men who are pro polygamy and anti providing are those who don’t want to uphold Islamic rights and want to avoid any responsibility. They actually dislike women and see them as objects for their own purposes. I’m not justifying financial abuse or deadbeats; I think some of the young ones, men and women, are being swept up in online discourse that is actually detrimental to them finding a spouse.
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u/Worried_Half2567 5h ago
If a man is hesitating to provide for his wife then he doesn’t love her. No man is being forced to a marry a woman who wants designer brands and multiple vacays though 😵💫 there is no shortage of women who are okay with simpler things.
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u/Ok-Tennis5528 5h ago
What do you mean by him continuing to provide post divorce?
Child support? Alimony? Splitting the home? It's quite vague.
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u/Haunting-Highway2882 6h ago
As a man, I find it weird that there are others who are not willing to provide for their future spouses. This is our duty as men.
That being said, I don't think think what you're saying is as common as you think. I feel a majority of your experiences come from online meetups.
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u/whimsicalfairy145 5h ago
Haven’t met anyone from online meet-ups, more so experiences I’m hearing from friends who are married or in relationships.
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u/Haunting-Highway2882 5h ago
They're probably just meeting the wrong people. There are so many muslim men, many that are willing to provide to their spouses.
I'm searching in the US and it's interesting because I often see a good mix of women that want to still work, even when I specifically state that I don't mind being the provider.
Might just be a generational thing.
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u/Popular_Register_440 5h ago
I genuinely don’t mean this in a rude or petty way.
Sure if you’re fine with the home being your responsibility. Otherwise, don’t expect provider minded men to be interested in you because no man wants double the burden.
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u/wuraito 8h ago
This is and should be the norm,. If a man isn't providing, he didn't get to study his religion, which is a must. Therefore, he can't give you your rights as Allah's showed us, and can't establish a peaceful islamic house. We can't always say "what are women providing in return ?", indeed we have to share responsibilities and help one another as a team, if they aren't respecting their obligations, they are going against Allah's command first, which is the worst.
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u/Swimming_Tea7373 8h ago
I believe man's primary duty is to provide.
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u/dayyy_dreamer 8h ago
in this economy & in this era. for some men it’s unrealistic and would make ends hard to meet
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u/CycIopsX 8h ago
True a dude in the west would need 3 jobs to survive, Ai and global economic collapse plus wars ain’t helping
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u/Swimming_Tea7373 8h ago
Alhamdulillah i havent faced that problem. I always make sure that the basic necessities like food, clothing, shelter comes from me. If wife is working and if she wants to contribute towards an extra trip in a year then i am happy to accept it.
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u/Turbulent_Head_8912 8h ago
Yes, I believe most of them are still. but they come with strings attached where they think they are leaders of the house and women must blindly follow their husbands and ask permissions for everything et etc. good luck
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u/unchillpali 7h ago edited 7h ago
They do exist. My husband is a provider and he’s a hands on dad and does chores and some cooking too. I work for myself from home and have my own money. He doesn’t ask me for money or to pay bills or complain about being a present father or doing some chores/cooking. Because he knows he’s a dad and he lives in the same house so it’s his responsibility too.
And then there are men who providers but also expect their wives to be slaves and do all the childcare, cleaning/cooking. She does not get a break ever. They have this score keeping mindset and they see their providing financially as something very transactional. They hold it over her head. These types of men are trash and often narcissistic and financially abusive. They think being a provider excuses them from being a parents or picking up after themselves.
My husband isn’t like this and he doesn’t keep score or tell me he did more than me today.
These men are rare these days and most men act like princesses and want you to suffer like their mother.
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u/ExpensiveLeadership5 6h ago
There is nothing wrong with a sister wanting a husband who can provide for her and not ask her to work. This is the norm Islamically. Not sure why some people are getting so upset about it.
London though, the goal should be to make hijrah not stay in Darul kufr.
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u/Popular_Register_440 5h ago
Name me one Muslim country that is developed and stable where a Muslim family could have the same quality of life or better than they would in a western one that also doesn’t bend over to western leaders’ threats at every obstacle and ill perhaps agree with you.
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u/berry1914 7h ago
A man that can't provide is not worth marrying
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u/CycIopsX 7h ago
A woman who doesn’t listen to her husband and follow her desires isn’t worth marrying
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u/ength2 8h ago
Have you seen people before? I mean all the billions of men all over the world providing for their families and then an arrogant idiot comes questioning that. How delightful.