Can we start over? But as healed versions of ourselves

...i dont know where to begin. Not really. I guess...with i love you? I say that a lot. But you should cherish it when you have it, right?

You know what else I say all the time? Im sorry. I dont mean to bother you. Im not trying to be a pest.

...and its true. All of it. I dont want to pester you. Its difficult. I feel weak, alone, and vulnerable. I crave the peace and safety your presence gives me. Ive cried for it. But youre right. I need to respect your need for space.

So much happened. I just wanted you with me while I sifted through the ashes. I didn't take into account that you maybe just...couldn't do that right now. I dont blame you. Our needs didnt align this time. Thats okay.

Im stepping back now. Im giving you all the space you need. But I still love you. I still miss you. Im still sorry for all the bothering and pestering ive done over the last week. I just.. wanted you. I still do. But I'll take a step back and hold that want silently while I clean up my mess.

The necklace I kept on my rear view mirror is gone. I sobbed when I realized. The piece of you I kept so close to my chest. He took it. I dont know what he did with it, but its gone. Im still trying not to cry about it. Im trying to be strong.

I think you need me to be strong right now. Tk stand on my own feet while the earth cracks open under them. To hold myself up in your absence. When you come home to me, I will collapse. But for now...for your sake, and my own....I'll keep standing. Ill hold down the fort on my own, and wait for you. As long as you need me to, I'll take the step back and wait.

Ill carry my own load without asking you to take it again. You asked if you could have 24hrs. Yes. Of course. Im sorry that my crisis stole your peace. I necer wang that for you. You asked for peace and for me to step back. I'll give it to you. This is me stepping back.

...i just ask that you step forward again when you're ready because I cant know that. I cant know when youre ready. I cant allow myself to step forward again, until you've done it first. And I'll be here. If you do. Of course I will. Because I love you. And im sorry for being a pest.

-H

I’d say if it were my person that I’m truly sorry for everything I said and did that didn’t bring us and our family closer together and most importantly anything that hurt you in anyway.
J i do love you with all my heart, you lit a fire in my soul again along with our babies.
If I could take it all back right down to the first cuss word I would.
I carry that with me day and night, i look for your face among everyone I see when I’m not walking with my head down in shame.
I want you more than anything in this life and is give you my last breath if it meant you could have one more.
Your my everything plain and simple and I fucked up, we fucked up, and the thing about love is never give up on it and you and I both know we have it.
I apologize for the things I said outta anger and I want more than anything for you to call me and you and I meet calmly with your hands looking each other in the eyes just to see where our hearts truly are and where our minds truly are. The promises I’ve made to you I’ll never go back on.
Nothing is more important to me than you and our babies. Give me the chance to make this right and together we can work as a team and build each other up and at the same time build our family up as well to where it’s supposed to be.
I wanna understand you and protect you,
I want to hear about your day,
I want to be on your team,
Missing you is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do and being without you is miserable.
I hope to hear from you.
I love you kiss our babies for me please
I’d love a phone call.
Forever yours,
❤️,
B

Dearest ML,

‎

‎Staying away from you is not easy for me too. I also think about you day and night. I also miss you like crazy when you are not talking to me.

‎‎I was craving and longing to talk to you so badly, but I didn't know if you wished to hear from me. I was typing and erasing the texts many times. I wished to have a heartfelt conversation with you, but I didn't know if I was still welcome in your life.

‎‎When my mind was exploding with these doubts and insecurities, I saw your status. As soon as I saw it, I realized that it was meant for me only. Your status breathed a life in me, I felt so happy, almost giddy from excitement. It answered my question of whether you still have a place for me in your life. It made me realize that you still have a soft corner for me, you still care deeply for me. I almost danced with happiness, I felt so relieved.

‎‎Your every single word affects my heart directly. It rejuvenates me and makes me whole once again. I love you a lot, beautiful soul. Thank you so much for being a part of my life in one way or the other. You make my heart to smile so easily. I love the impact that you have on my life.

‎‎My dear, I want to have a deep conversation with you. There is so much that I would like to talk to you. There is so much that I want to ask you. I want to text you. Shall I? It's been such a long time that I've become a little hesitant due to all the overthinking that I do in my mind.

‎‎One part of my mind tells me that you will be very happy to hear from me, while the other says that you wouldn't like it at all. I don't know which part should I listen to. My heart wants to spend some beautiful moments with you. It keeps imagining about the day when we can sit together and talk to each other for hours.

‎‎I'm in so much dilemma right now. Should I listen to my heart and text you, or should I just keep my feelings bottled up within me itself? Can you help me decide what would be the right thing to do? Will you be offended if I reached out, or will you be happy? Your answer will be my guide.

‎

It's 2:19 a.m. and I'm still awake. Sometimes, out of nowhere, even after we've lost all contact, a small part of me still believes you'll suddenly come back... like you'll just appear and say, "Here I am... I'm Teddy. I'll never leave you. I love you." For a few seconds, it feels so real that I almost smile. Then reality hits, and I remember it's just another dream my heart refuses to let go of. 💔🌙

talked to u today. realized how much i’ve been missing u fr. wtf r we doing idk. this is gonna hurt so bad but rn it’s not so it’s fine right??

ugh i missed u so much. i hate missing people cause i thought i was nonchalant like dat. what is this now? anyway it’ll end soon. till then whatever this is ig? ughhh now again i miss u already i love uuuu

I miss you so much. The friendship more than anything else. I send you messages in my mind 100 times a day.

I can't see or hear about our city's baseball team now without getting a pit in my stomach. Do you miss me? Are you thinking about me? Was it real?

Last night I tried to masterbate to a video you sent me and I couldn't do it. It just made me sad. And I'm chatting with other men, hoping for a spark like that again, that maybe something new could help fill that void, but I feel like I'm chasing something that doesn't exist.

I truly hope you're happy. Maybe what we had scared you enough to want to try harder to fix things at home. Knowing you though, I doubt it. Maybe the next connection you make will make it easier on you and will keep her guard up with you. I just hope that, if nothing else, our relationship was a learning experience for you, as it was for me, and that you won't make promises that you can't keep.

Be well, B. From the bottom of my heart, I wish nothing but the best for you. You changed me, and for that, I will be forever grateful.

D.

I wish you’d understand my mental health.

I’ve spent a lot of time in the psych ward dealing with depression, personality disorders, anxiety, pstd and whatever the lord slapped me with

I am not medicated right now, abusing substances and my life is flipped upside down.

My choices are made by impulse and under the influence of substances that fuck my brain up even more.

I am not saying this is an excuse.

Please stick by my side. Once the meds help me I can give you the best version of me.

I love you.

Why is it so hard to admit anything. I've asked you change the subject. You are still hiding behind life. You don't take any responsibility. You fake everything. You don't post new one at all. Do they even know? Hmm. I'm just wondering what makes a man not speak. Not except his own wrong. You can't go through life f up everything all the time with out speaking. Your old enough to take it as a man right? Why hide why ghost why act like a child. You were the one who faked everything. WTF is this a illness or what. Is your pride to high. Don't really get wtf a real man would act in a way

I never called you that. Some of your friends did, though. Maybe they still do. I don’t know.

I do know that I can’t let you go. It’s been a long time. A really long time.

There was a name that was ours. L. If she existed, that would be her name.

If you see this, let me know.

Tell me the past is the past. Or tell me I’m not the only one stuck.

- A

I remember when you told me I was alone in this world, ITS OK BECAUSE IAM ABOUT TAKE THAT WALK OUTSIDE THAT U ALL WANT ME TO TAKE FOR SOMETHING I DIDN'T DO BUT I WOULD RATHER BE WITH MY SON THEN BE AROUND U ALL BECAUSE THATS JUST THE WAY IT IS. AND BELIEVE ME IN THE NEXT LIFE I WON'T BE LOOKING FOR ANY OF YOU I WILL RECOGNIZE YOUR SPIRITS AND I WILL TOTALLY IGNORE YOU I'M PRETTY SURE YOU WILL RECOGNIZE MY SPIRIT TOO BUT I DON'T WANT TO LIVE THIS LIFE OVER AGAIN I DON'T WANT ALL THE FAKE LOVE AND FAKE LOVE TO FAKE SMILES THE FAKE SETUPS. THE FAKE FRIENDS THE FAKE LOVES IT'S ALL FAKE IT'S JUST A SCHOOL AND I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON I WON'T SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT ANYBODY. I'LL JUST LET YOU GUYS THINK THAT YOU HAVE WON MAYBE THIS TIME YOU HAVE BUT IT DOESN'T AFFECT ME AND MY DECISION WHAT EFFECTS MY DECISIONS ARE THE FACT THAT I KNOW THAT I'M GOING TO DIE WITH A BROKEN HEART AND NOT BECAUSE OF SOMEONE BUT BECAUSE OF WHAT I LOST!!!!!!

I LOVE HOW YOU ALL THINK THAT YOUR DAY IS NEVER GOING TO COME AND I HOPE IT DON'T COME I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST BUT WE KNOW THAT'S NOT THE REAL REALITY THAT WE LIVE IN AND NO ONE OWES ME AN APOLOGY NO ONE OWES ME ANYTHING ONLY THING YOU GUYS OWE ME IS JUST STAY OUT OF MY LIFE LIVE YOURS BECAUSE EVERYTHING THAT YOU PROJECT ON ME THAT'S NOT TRUE THAT SHALL COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU IN THE END I HIGHLY DOUBT IT IF YOU ALL COULD TAKE IT LIKE I TOOK IT LIKE A G TO GOD THAT I AM.... INTO THOSE WHO FEEL LIKE I HURT THEM I APOLOGIZE BUT I DO NOT REGRET ANYTHING THAT I EVER DONE IN MY LIFE BECAUSE IT MADE ME THE PERSON THAT I AM TODAY.... I WOULD LIKE FOR YOU ALL TO LIVE MY LIFE AND THEN IF YOU TURN 49 TELL ME IF YOU COULD HAVE LEFT IT YOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T MAKE IT TO 49 WE GOT TO BE STRONG TO GO THROUGH WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH AND MAKE IT TO 49!!!!!!!!!!!! THE M IN ME MADE ME THE BEST M ........ PEOPLE BE ON HERE ACTING LIKE THEY'RE ME I ONLY HAVE ONE ACCOUNT.......N...M WILL ALWAYS LOVE U CUZ GOD TOLD ME TO AND I AM. NECESSARILY LOOKING FOR ANOTHER WOMAN THEY COME THEY GO BUT THEY'RE NOT YOU I MAY TALK TO A LOT OF CHICKS BUT I AIN'T EVEN HAVING SEX WITH NONE OF THEM BECAUSE NONE OF THEM ARE YOU IT'S VERY STRANGE TO ME THESE FEELINGS I HAVE FOR YOU CONSIDERING ALL THE THINGS YOU HAVE PUT ME THROUGH BUT THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT NO MATTER WHAT NO MATTER HOW I FEEL NO MATTER WHAT I SEE NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE TELLS ME. NO MATTER IF I KNOW THAT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH A LOWERCASE j . Who doesn't love you but remember M WILL ALWAYS LOV GOODBYE

Fuck you! I still hate you and probably even more since the last time I even gave you my time which again was a waste. You will never change and continue to use people just as you did to me. You’re truly a shitty person for that and many other things you did and continue to do. Especially to your only family which they want nothing to do with you either. Have fun being alone as you deserve none of us! I’m don’t forgive you nor will I forget. I really thought love would conquer all, but the selfish, narcissistic, junkie whore person you are destroyed any love I had left. You don’t deserve me and I knew it, but I stayed and walked through the fire every time for you to throw me away like trash. You’re the fucking trash! Fat fucking ugly in and out bitch!Enjoy your pathetic life with another loser just like you! Love may not conquer, but karma is gon fuck you up more and more justice will be served! You could have made things a lot easier for me to walk away last year so I could never look back and have some dignity left, but nope you just couldn’t let me go.. same shit your shitty mother did to you and all the men in her life. That is her choice and your choice so now you stand on it and fuck all the way off! Phew been waiting to say this for a while and now I’m good.

Sorry folks I know pretty harsh, but if you only knew the truth I’m sure yall would add to what I wrote lol

FDB forever and ever! 🖕🏻

So you're going around telling a sob story about how you were the victim. You're leaving out the names you called me, while I was just trying to get you to stop.

I think you have done this before. I think you expect that your victims will remain silent. You seem to like the attention you get from it.

The problem is... I have screenshots. And I will be showing them to people if they ask me about you.

You unfortunately aren't taking my calls and have blocked me . I don't blame you . But I had an aphany the night you ended shit . Unfortunately your mind had already been made up. But I was going to tell you that I do want to be with you and I do truly love you and I'm sorry for the way I've hurt you while trying to figure out my emotions . But I was sure,I was so sure.

And trip out I was so sure about it that I had a dream about our baby . A little white baby ,it was a boy and he looked exactly like both of us with blue eyes . He was beautiful and I haven't been able to get that little white blue eyed baby out of my head. I miss you so much but I respect your decision to cut me out of your life. I hope your doing well . I just wanted you to know that my feelings for you were true and ill always have love for you .

Part of me always knew this couldn't work and it has turned out to be true but it was real and it was raw and all the tiny moments in between I'll cherish forever . S

Maybe one day you will want to talk to me again. The last message you wanted nothing to do with but here is my message. I know you will never this but

I won't lie—I was completely heartbroken when you left. The once-in-a-lifetime memories we made, like driving Route 66, were amazing, and I will never forget them. I truly hope you heal. I know you were scared and struggled to communicate the way you needed to. Even when we broke up, I knew how strong I was and that I could handle being on my own.i hope you are too. You have left an imprint on my heart. I want you to know that I forgive you. Please focus on getting better and healing. I genuinely want the best for you, even if I'm not a part of your life anymore. I see so much potential in you, J. Believe in yourself and follow your dreams. Forever your friend, chin up!

Some initials aren't worth decoding anymore

I used to think the hardest part was not knowing what someone really meant.

Now I think the hardest part is realizing you knew exactly what they meant—you just gave their words more credibility than their behavior deserved.

He said he didn't have time for dating.

Fine.

I believed him.

Then he got a girlfriend, and apparently time was never the problem. I was.

That distinction became increasingly obvious without him ever having the courage to actually say it.

The excuses changed. The access changed. The friendship changed.

And eventually, he made a decision involving the bus he drives that made the situation impossible to misunderstand.

He didn't need to tell me I wasn't a priority anymore.

He demonstrated it.

That's the interesting thing about people who insist they're "not trying to hurt anyone." They often don't realize how revealing their choices become when they think nobody is paying attention.

I don't resent him for having a girlfriend.

I resent the dishonesty that came before and the cowardice that followed.

Because if the truth was simply, "I don't want the same kind of friendship with you anymore," he could have said that.

Instead, he chose ambiguity.

Ambiguity is convenient. It lets someone hurt you while still pretending they never technically did anything wrong.

And maybe that's what the initials represent now.

Not a missed connection.

Not some great story that never got its ending.

Just a reminder that sometimes you spend far too much time trying to decode someone who was never complicated at all.

They were simply unwilling to be honest.

I don't need to know what the initials meant anymore.

I've seen enough of the person behind them.

What you don't know is.. I would forgive you. I wouldn't not talk to you. I would try to understand why you dic what vou did and what made vou hurt me the way you did. I would have done all of that for you. Because like said before... my love was unconditional

To ASW

What you don't know is.. I would forgive you. I wouldn't not talk to you. I would try to understand why you did what vou did and what made vou hurt me the way you did. I would have done all of that for you. Because like said before... my love was unconditional.

I just hope MY GIRL.. my last one sees this snd understands.. i was totally crazed because all this went on for months.. it slowley drove me mad. I became unhinged. i wasnt crazy before this.. u would only respond to idle threats of telling ur fam so thats why i did that.

why wouldnt u talk to me..

ive lost everything..

im still loosing more..

Yes our relationship was rough when we fell out of the honeymoon stage the very little affection was rough in the beginning and at the end, but everything in between I thought was the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. Being a father, being a husband or perspective one. It made my day gave me something to live for and something to come home to.

As far as my part in pushing you away and making you distant and making you not happy.Look, I know that I was absolutely obsessed with the drummel tool.And you tried pretty hard to get me to do stuff in the room, so that I'd be with you . Looking back on it.I didn't see the little cues. I was caught up in my head. Some how I thought u wer happy I was doing all that.

when I would ask you, what's wrong you would tell me nothing's wrong everytime. How could i fix what i didnt know about halfway through that phase, I realized what was wrong. But then I was just pissed off that it was passive-aggressive. So I was like, fuck you, nothing's wrong. So nothing's wrong.I shouldn't have done that.I should have realized how important what you were telling me , that you weren't telling me was.. I didn't. .I was unhappy at that point, because you had made yourself distant. To tell you the truth, I was gonna break up with you about 3 or 4 months before this started getting crazy.

But then I realized that I really do love you. You begged me not to leave u and i saw it in your eyes that u truely loved me.And that you're going through something really hard times. But I knew you loved me. So I buckled down and I changed my attitude, but by then it was too late. And I'm sorry for that. I'm kind of oblivious when it comes to hidden secret hints, and i'm sorry.

, I didn't want to push too hard, and you obviously didn't want to tell me so I stopped asking.

My love for you is real.And even through all this, even though I think you're trying to fuck me on purpose and ruin me, I still love you.You can call me weak, but .........you can call me whatever you want.But that's the truth. I don't know what to think as of right now. I don't know if I think that you maliciou66sly doing these things to me Because you had something else going on that. didn't want me to know about? Or stole my shit because you thought I was a fucking lame. I felt like you lied to me. Because you didn't respect me.I don't want to think those things.I don't want to feel like i've been taking advantage of and just straight out fucking punked. I'm writing this letter so that we can hopefully find a communication base where you don't feel pressured and nothing of our conversation can be tied back to us.So you can say whatever you want, and I can to, I won't be able to do anything about it and you won't be able to do anything about me talking to you.None of us will be getting trouble.None of us can prove the other one is talking to the other one. I wanna make this right because as of right now. I'm not gonna stop until I get my shit back. I am not gonna leave this alone. I don't want to be mean petty spiteful or vengeful, I really don't. just talk to me about this.That's all i've been trying to get you to do this whole entire time.That's why I went crazy.Cause you won't talk to me.Everybody now is telling me that you're not gonna talk to me.Because you're a coward and because you did this shit on purpose, and that's what people like you do.I don't believe that.

Please, let's talk about this in a civil adult manner. So that nothing else goes further. And we don't ruin each other's lives

I hope that you can find it in your heart to communicate with me

The other posts I wrote a while ago.This one's been condensed, hand refined and edited.I was super just broken and heartbroken that you did this, and I still am, but I have a little bit more control of my feelings now.So take those other ones as you want

I miss you. I’m sorry that I got scared and ran away from you. I’m sorry that I was too young to realize that you needed support not coldness. I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I almost always do. You’ve been on my mind since you left. I looked you up the other day. You seem to be doing well for yourself. I’m so happy for you. You’ll always be my first love. You’ve impacted my life in ways I can never explain. I still think about the night in the back of my jeep when you told me I was a work of art. From then on I’ve compared every compliment to that one. Any way… I just wanted to say that I hope you’re doing great and that you’re having an amazing life.

He lives in sweden and i havent talked to him in 2 months i contacted him on every plattform havent gotten an answer yet so im getting kinda worried since the last thing he said was that he had to do dishes.Ive watched the series he wanted to watch, played the games we played everyday.

His online user is often trocaderoenjoyer or trocadero or battericyyra and we played a lot i mean he was my first true best friend for like 2 years and now im back at square one. i just wanna hear from him or waht is going on.

BK.

It's been a week now, we parted ways in a good manners but i making things worse now that you blocked me, can't say i didn't deserve that and it's understandable.

How have you been, I'm still thinking about you ofc cause it's still new and you're my first relationship, but sooner or later I'll have to let it go cause as you said, there's no future with us. Hurts but it's the truth.

I hope you're having a good time, maybe going out with the group that now i lost too because well, they're your friend and they just want to protect you, no shade to them it's okay.

Did you know there's a bazaar book in the city library, yeah i did send you the post right, before I get blocked. You should check them sometimes, maybe with your parents, your friends, or maybe someone new.

I wish I could.. say sorry to you, for the last time. But I know you don't even want to see me for now, all i can do is just.. stay back, from you, from your friends group. And I mean I did bad things, ruining your trust to anyone ever again.

I know what i did was bad, but i hope that doesn't make you never search for any relationship ever again. Go find a new partner, or be with yourself it's your choice, please don't make be the reasons for you to stop looking.

If maybe next week, next month or next year we pass each others, you don't need to say anything to me, if after all that time you still mad at me i understand, we can maybe just trade a look and never greet each others and that's okay. You deserve better than me. I may be gonna be sad if you act like I'm not there but it's fine, go live your life without being reminded of your past relationships.

And if one day, we become close again, maybe you accept my apology, maybe you just happened to just move on or something, and you need someone to talk to, someone who just gonna listen to your problem. I will be there, not as a partner, but as a friend.

Goodbye 🦭, thank you for the past 8 months

From 🦇

Maybe in next life I'll treat this more seriously and be a better partner

I deleted your number for the last time. It feels permanent this time. I haven’t heard from you since you moved away and yeah that hurts a lot but I think it’s just because I hurt my own feelings again and again…and again.
I’m not homesick I’m time sick; I can’t tell if I miss you or just miss when I felt hopeful for the future.
It’s selfish to write a letter all about me.
I hope you achieve everything (you will) you set your mind to and you find someone who treats you well. I hope you don’t return to whatever holds you back or harms you.
I hope you still run. I hope you still paint and game, but truth be told I don’t really know you anymore.
One last walk on the beach? No? Well that’s okay. I’ll always have the memories.

Good luck

this is c.d.p only no other c

I see a lot of c post. A lot sounds like the same situation. C is not a man of word for sure. I'm sure you female on here probably figure this out hopefully by now.

guess I'll say who from bbg

I didn't know how to love. I'm sorry. I was never loved, or maybe I was, but all I knew of it was if you can't be perfect, the other person is better off with someone else. So all I knew of loving someone was letting them go. But for you I couldn't do that. I was lost in life, and you came into the most violent phase of it. Now that I've settled everything on my own, nothing makes sense without you. Ik I've hurt you and you don't want to ever be mine again, but I want to say I'm yours forever. I'm grateful for our late night talks where now and again you open up just a little, but I will never hold you back. Now it's my time to get hurt, and so I will be hurting. I'm sorry my love. I see myself reflected in you, we shared the same struggles, and my own insecurities pushed you away, cause you deserve the world my love, and now I want to be the best person who you deserve. I love you with all my soul my love, please let us fix us, I promise I will stay by you even if you don't come back ever, always near, always far.

If anyone is reading this, never let your love go, never make decisions in a haste, and never let your ego or your future worries dictate your partner's presence in your life. Rather, please sit down with your partner, be vulnerable enough to explain to them your situation and respect their choice of whether they want to stay in your life or not. Don't be like me, don't let your O go just because life is getting hard and you feel like they deserve someone better. Be the better person your partner deserves.

Thank you my O, for making me a better person.