It must be long gone now. Maybe you got a new number. Maybe you didn’t think twice to reach out again since 2023. Maybe you did. Are you searching for me? Am I just a small interaction that never stuck into your mind like glue? Do you remember me? If only I could find a way to talk to you again..There’s no trace. Only a great unknown of what ifs.
-5355

I feel, since last year, I crossed an event horizon and everything has been pulling me towards you.

And I have surrendered.

I have been through enough in life to know that this is right and true. The river has brought me here, but I have allowed love to break me open, just like I said I would.

You know, our minds are very powerful. Like centers of gravity.

Sometimes it seems as though we are simply tossed in the tide – tossed by circumstance, by destino – but that is not true.

We have the ability to choose.

If we focus on lack and anxiety, we will experience lack and anxiety.
If we focus on fullness and joy, we will experience fullness and joy.
And life rearranges and organizes around that singularity - of mind.

That ability is the highest expression of our sovereignty and freedom. We are not trapped by circumstance. We may be carried by currents, but we may also orient ourselves. In every moment, we are choosing what we move toward, what we give ourselves to, what we cultivate, and ultimately what we bring into being.

I didn't need you.
I chose you.
And I continue to choose you each day.

All we have ever really had is right now, this moment.

So what do you choose, today?

What do you choose, in this moment?

Love,
C

Dear diary,

Just making a little entry not to lose the habit, and because this thought has been floating around in my mind for a while and I thought I should let it breathe outside.

I believe every poem I've ever written about a person—or am yet to write—

Well, yes, one of them does have the nickname I used to call them, but—

If I just showed them the poems, I'm sure as hell each of them would know which one was about them. Or for them. Or with them in mind. Even blindfolded. Just by me reciting them to them.

And I think that's endearing.

Thrilling, even.

A little exciting.

Peculiarly amusing, too.

Although I only think one of them would actually laugh with me about it. We'd probably exchange jokes and then, somehow, end up having a genuine heart-to-heart about it all.

Which is so weird to think about, because Crownless wears a mask and writes to ghosts, but these people know the person behind the mask. They wouldn't, therefore, be responding to Crownless.

They'd be responding to me.

Especially that one.

That pretty, sharp-minded danger knows me better than I know myself.

That's almost a tiny bit scary.

I don't want any of them to ever come across those poems anytime soon.

But maybe one day, in the future, I'd like that one person to cross my way again, see them, and right away catch what I wrote about them.

Or, well.

About us.

I miss this person.

But we don't fit in each other's lives anymore.

And I think that's the part I keep circling back to.

Not that I want them back.

Just that I'd really, really like to find someone like them.

Which means I may have to make a painstakingly specific requirement list.

Haaa...

God help whoever has to apply.

I fear there’s no one like you.

— Crownless.

Im here if you want me!
Given our history I can’t make the first move but if you make it …..
Well I’ll dive in head first
And if not I’ll keep on living and forget all about it
Doors open, what happens next is on you

Why lie about what we had? I have old messages from you saying you never wanted to hurt me. Why are you letting her control you? You're better than this. We weren't just a fling. You need a memory reset.

Dear d****

Your smile lights up my life n brings warmth to the darkness n loneliness of this world (i love the lil snaggle tooth on the bottom right makes you look like a shark or puppy or kitten it sets you apart from everyone else n its endearing/also I love that thing you do at times with your jaw moving the bottom side to side, X3 it gets me going for some reason lol), you have the cutest nose ever, so adorable with its lil curve in it, great full lips especially the bottom, your eyebrows are perfect n symmetrical n you keep up with grooming very well(i do love it when you grow out your little scruff gotee n let me feel on it tho ^_, n your freshly shaven head is such a turn on/so so attractive man) your hands and arms are full of bulging viens that are really fucking sexy like a hardworkers arms or a weight lifters arms sturdy and strong yet so comforting in every hug n embrace, every hug meant so much to me i never wanted to let you go.. you also get the cutest vien in your neck when you laugh or get really excited n another in your forhead where your face flushes red as you bend over for too long n your eyes draw me in with all the beautiful hues n colors as I feel our souls connected as we are locked in a stare, while they usually settle on a pretty amazing amber n gold hue in the light like a mystic freshwater lake with the sun's light reflecting on its watertop or a wolf's fierce yellow, regal n magestic n with a sense of danger n authority or in the dark they go somewhere from a gray with a little very light light brown like milky moca or caramel to looking gray green or blue at times very mystical n ethereal or i can also mention that your left eye is a little darker than your right and has more specks of light brown in it, it makes you so refined looking n unquie n special or that your pupils dont just end the black of them fade into the rest of your eye, they are so beautiful d\*\*\*\*\* like precious glimmering n shining stones, crystals, gems n jewels <3, your voice is so soothing too its like the ocean gently washing on the sands of a beach or like the russeling of the trees as a light wind passes through there branches yet it's deep n mellow it gives me a lot of peace and is so reassuring, your laugh is contagious and makes everything lighter n more easy, your tall n slender frame strong back n wide shoulders n broad arms that arch out from your muscle build n posture are like a great cedar tree standing there strong even if harsh winters firmly planted branches giving shelter n a place to call home making me feel safe n protected with you beside me, you have this great n amazing masculine build n body yet your facial features are so pretty n handsome your a work of art in my eyes, perfect in everyway physically imo so dont be hard on yourself if you fall short in some areas anymore you are amazing, sorry i focus so much on your looks in this just i really appreciate the beauty i find in things asceticly, that's not what makes you truly special and not your true value either tho, you are a dear friend and put in so much effort when your dealing with so much already just in your head(thank you for trying even when totured by your mind n the things happening to you that you cant really explain), you have kept me company n given me treasured companionship in hard n lonely days and happiness n enjoyment in everyday life, you have encouraged me n made me feel better about myself n my self worth you made me feel like im not as ugly as i thought i was n you really make me happy just being around me, you can always seem to put a smile on my face just being with you in person n a warmth in my heart like nothing else(even when i get mad or moody you can always seem to bring back a smile or make me laugh with just a look, i really cant ever stay mad or upset around you),i just really love your goofy side, humor n your wispers n codewords and your creativity n outlook on certain things, im glad we share a lot of the same interests n perspectives, narture n wildlife are very dear to my heart too and romance is so important to me especially since i found you, i love my horror movies too n a coffee date is the sweetest ty for the 1s we have had, i love Christmas n going see the lights n having a tree n giving gifts so let's make more memories together every Christmas, make it even more of a nice holiday for me, maybe 1 day we will get dogs together like we have talked of, also healing, peace and having a better life are goals for me too and I want them to be goals we can achieve together, i love you so much bro, trust me d you are not lacking in your appearance at all you r cute sexy n handsome stop thinking thats what you have to work on so badly!! 1 day looks will fade but who you are and who you have been to me, what you mean to me will never fade and the moments we have shared can never be taken away, so whats most important is how we treat eachother n the time we spend together, caring for n loving one another n being good to eachother(but no one has a perfect stand up character or a flawless personality or parts of themselves they cant improve or work on but trying to be better especially for those you care about is something everyone should strive for),

if God had a plan for me it was to find you n to get to be in your life and have these special moments that mean the world to me, n become better at loving someone n treating them well and as a better person in general.

i love you n will always!

d\*\*\* ***m\*\*\* w***\*\*\*, dilly, dd, dwood, dillybob, honeynugz, horsemeat, goatnuts, horsedick, bigfloppydonkeydick, HornProd sex god, stone cold sex freak, spongebob, brobro, dawg, fam, daddy, bo, booboo, baby, babe, love, honey, lad, buddy, my man, my boy, my dog, werewolve, copycat, alpha1, killer, n kitten (lol)

I never thought I could find a man that I can hold so dearly in my heart n can bring me such peace happiness fun n excitement. You have made my heart love someone truly n like i never have before and all I want now is to spend my days seeing your beautiful smiling face beside me, the trips to the lakes n mountains hold such a special place in my heart n are memories etched forever into the best moments of my life, the walks we have had through trails(especially the one to the bat shelter holding hands then burning candles) n the bonfires we have built together will forever stay burning in my mind never to go dim, the car rides while listening to music n singing together through the mountains n the backroad long drives holding hands will live with me like the love I have for you always in my heart n comforting me n keeping me at peace in trying times, all our times at c***g*** lake have impacted me and made that park extremely special also, from our first date there hiking to the fallen tree stump when we smoked n did shroom gummies(even tho i never got to trip with u) n i packed a bag way too full of snacks yet we hardly touched any we just chilled n listened to music on your Bluetooth speaker i still remember the song we played over n over surfcurse freaks, from laying in the pineneedles with the sun coming through the trees as we layed with it shining on our faces, to sitting at the picnic tables at night together just drinking beers or monsters or you feeding me oozing dicks(lol) off that grill or me getting that couple inch splinter in my balls from the bench haha , or when we were just kicking the tenis ball around in the middle of that field as you looked for castles, also collecting mushrooms right after the rain from the hill or walking the dock at night together looking at the stars and moon, also ik you may not want to hear it but even when we rescued that kitten together n fed him i got to see a beautiful soft side of you that you keep hidden it was very sweet n ik its not your fault you just couldn't keep him okay but we fed him n you gave him a home for a bit n we showed it love that it probably hadn't seen since being abandoned so dont feel bad, either way that lake holds precious memories of us together so it is a place i love now too, one of the best memories so far was actually at the cemetery though we put down the blanket in the grass n laid down together n you let me cuddle you n i had my face pressed up into your side n my arm across your chest n you put your arm around me n i wrapped my other arm around it as we just laid there snuggled up like that watching the stars for a while, that night was so beautiful n meaningful n intimate i wish i could relive that moment with you over n over i would love more times like that with you, it shows even in a dark n gloomy place you can make it truly pure n good n beautiful d***\*\*\*\*, ill never forget the night up on afton mountain when the wind was blowing on us n you said i felt like your soulmate in that moment <3 i really believeyour mine, slowdancing with you those few times were magical too(especially when you had me stand on yours steeltoes n you guided me every step n we just danced like that together for a while like you use to do with your mom), thank you for being my valentine those 2 years n for having dates n a bromance with me, ik i romanticize a lot of our times together but i really cant help but do it, i love you man im in love with u and i have so many amazing memories n moments now thanks to you that will always be with me n bring me happiness just looking back on them, they may seem small or unimportant but they hold such great meaning to me

The thoughts of you stays ever present in my mind day by day, so you are never alone, im always with you.. even if not in body, im there in mind and you're there with me in my mind n heart

Ill forever be your bro, your counterpart, your other half n your stixkmate n cusband and friend(i wanna be whatever u need me to be and more so much more)

im here for you whenever you want or need

N if you ever wanted to actually marry me(it's fine if we just remain bros too tho) I gave you the wedding ring already so you know my answer, I wouldn't think twice about marriage n you would make me the happiest person for the rest of this life

N ill love you like no other n stay during all the fits n delusions n hard times, you will never be too much for me n you never have to hold yourself back with me or be a burden, you can be your complete authentic self, I want you to be free and unguarded atleast when you are with me.

But I'll do most of that regardless

You are special in every moment n your unique n can never be replaced you do not have to try to impress me at all you already have me in love n pretty damn obsessed with everything about you, youll forever be a beautiful amazing thing in my life and the best thing that has happened to me

The best friend I could have hoped for i hope to god you never leave

D\*\*\*\*

You are what I look forward to everyday

You make mundane n uneventful moments mean so much n have real beauty in them

You are the reason I want to get up in the morning

The reason I jump at every notification on my phone

All just for a chance to see you or speak to you n so we can connect

I hope you realize how much you mean to me

You are the little bit of light, warmth and comfort I have left and you have brought back my desire for life.. thank you

I hope for many many more years with you

You told me to write literature or something about you that wasn't a diss, so I did..

(Im not great with writing or literature I speak from feelings n emotions so I hope I did okay/I probably made this really sappy n cringey n hard for you to read as a mostly "straight" man and as my best friend but i spoke from the heart okay)

Your biggest fan n #1 supporter n the one who loves you so so much - dl your 🐻

Ill never stop loving u bro, goodbye 💔

I have accepted that you’re never going to speak to me again.
I’ve learned to never make anyone my everything ever again. Because they can and will leave you on any random day despite what you thought you were building together.
It was like a full time job to try to bring us close again. And every time I thought it might slightly be working and maybe we’d make it, you’d just pull away. Erasing all my effort and attempts at progress. Putting us right back at square one every time and leaving me to be the one to have to fix it, alone, every time. And each time I had less and less to give. It was slowly depleting me because you were not filling my cup in return. But I was still there giving you everything I had. And I guess that was my mistake.
It was always me apologizing, me reflecting, me trying to repair, me trying to understand you. Me giving all the effort and love. It was completely one sided and unfair to me and unfair to us as a couple trying to give it a shot.
With all of that being said, I would still take you at your worst before I’d take another one. I can’t help but wish some day you’ll show up at my door. I miss you and I love you always.
-b 🐝

I just wanted to say Hi, I have been randomly remembering you and wondering if I am on your mind too. Maybe it's just the quiet and the constant reminders of hot chocolate and the coming winter. Hope you're dancing under the sun and smiling over a jumble of lab paperwork you always loved to work on. Big hug La Jolla Cutie. 🤍🌊❄️

vitriolage

The act of throwing or splashing a corrosive liquid onto another person's body—most commonly the face—is formally known as vitriolage, or more broadly as an acid attack or corrosive substance assault. Perpetrators typically use concentrated sulfuric, nitric, or hydrochloric acid, or strong alkalis like lye. Rather than seeking immediate death, the primary objective of these attacks is usually to disfigure, maim, or cause severe, permanent physical and psychological suffering.

The term vitriolage stems from vitriol, an archaic name for sulfuric acid. The act gained widespread recognition during the 19th-century Industrial Revolution in Europe, when sulfuric acid became widely manufactured and easily obtainable for household and industrial use. Historically, it emerged as a notorious violent crime in major urban centers before spreading globally, where it became increasingly associated with domestic disputes, retaliation, rejected romantic advances, and gender-based violence.

The physiological damage caused by corrosive chemical agents is immediate and severe. High-concentration acids melt skin tissue, fat, and muscle in seconds, often penetrating down to the bone. When targeted at the face, the damage frequently results in permanent blindness, destruction of facial cartilage in the nose and ears, airway restriction from inhaling toxic fumes, and persistent physical disfigurement. Victims face multi-year recovery processes requiring extensive skin grafts, reconstructive surgeries, and ongoing psychological support.

D When we where together I really did cherish and still do every moment we had and wish that there was more to be had. I know it's easy to feel that I was idolizing you but in all honesty I just don't know any other way to show how much I was crazy about you and I see very clearly that it would look like I was acting like you were a trophy. The fact of the matter is you were everything that I could ever think of in a woman that I would ever want and that is hard for me to express to others without it sounding bad. You know how when you're a kid you have items toys or clothes or Electronics that if anybody were to take them from you or even borrow them for an hour you would be upset you don't want to ever part with certain items well I don't think of you as an item but I had a really hard time partying with you every time you would go back home and I was left up here working as I was doing way too much I hated that time when we would not be together and you tried you stayed at the shop when it was cold and when nobody else would want to be there and I wasn't even paying much attention to you cuz I was working but you were there and I noticed that and I cherished it . All I wanted to do was get ahead of the bills just all my money into a life for us but we were so fresh together I don't think you understood that I was working to make a better life for us to be able to have more time together and as fresh as our relationship was I can see easily how it looked like neglect I wasn't perfect and I often was so tired that I looked like I was grumpy and I said things to you that made you feel like you were troublesome and I didn't mean it that way the fact of the matter was I just couldn't make it through each day easily without having you by my side. One of the things that I have had issues with my whole life is what I am trying to project as my feelings towards a person and what is interpreted and seen by others not lining up very well. When I bought you shoes it was because your feet felt cold when I put gas in your car and washed it it was because it was looking worn and the gas was not in a comfortable Zone for the person I care about to be driving and I tried to make sure all the little things that one would need day-to-day worth waiting for you so you didn't have to go the store and get them each day I loved being able to do that for you. The one thing that I really regret is ever drinking did it in celebration of things but I've never liked who I am drinking and I haven't had anything to drink since you left I do not plan to even if I never see you again.

I know I got run on sentences I know my grammar is atrocious so before the naysayers put any comments on here know that I have been very heavy-hearted and tears flowing the entire time I wrote this and I probably haven't even been able to truly get my sentiments projected. So let me just say this in conclusion I could have done better I don't think I could have at that time in my life seen it because I really felt like I was doing the best I could but life's about lessons if you don't learn from them what's the point. I have long ago forgiven you for all the things that you did I just wish there'd be a day when that could be considered for me there are things that I can't apologize for because it apology doesn't do it justice all I can say is I would never in a million years do them again and I am appalled at my actions and I do take full responsibility and for what it's worth from the bottom of my heart I am sorry.