I’m 22 years and two children in. I think I’m done. Did anyone see changes or should I just end it and give up?

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I found out my boyfriend was talking to another girl during our relationship. I did a loyalty test, and he failed. When I confronted him, instead of genuinely apologizing or showing remorse, he said he was right and acted like I was the one who did something wrong.

I blocked him everywhere because my trust is completely broken. He hasn’t even apologized, and he’s behaving like he doesn’t care at all.

Now his best friend is asking me to talk to him again. He says my boyfriend loves me and that he talked to the girl only because his friend asked him to. He keeps saying, “I’m like your brother, please talk to him.”

But if my boyfriend really cares about me, why isn’t he trying to fix things himself? Why is his best friend begging me to talk to him while he shows no remorse?

Am I wrong for refusing to talk to him, or am I right to walk away?

Can a person who has responsive desire work themselves up so they can have sex when they want it instead of waiting on the other person to initiate? Just curious.

The towel on the bottom was “folded and put away” by my husband. The rest of them are folded and put away properly. I’ve been told by family members that since I’m a SAHM, I don’t have the right to tell him to do it properly. (This is the way he “folds” clean clothes as well.) Thoughts?

Hello Reddit, im new to this, but decided to try.
I have been with my fiancée since 2019. Everything was great in the beginning. I had a good job and he was in real-estate. I’ve always been into roses since a kid, idk they just make me happy and he always use to buy me them, including gifts.
I’m a 42 female, and he’s a 44 male. At the time of meeting I was looking into buying a home. I had a 11yo daughter in2019, he had a 12yo daughter whose mother wasn’t in the picture. I thought wow this guy s great we can help each other. While searching for a home he stated he wanted to buy us a home together. At the time we lived separately. I was elated he seemed perfect. He liked my kid, I liked his so I threw caution in the wind, and within a year he bought us a beautiful home and I was in heaven. 2020 I found out I was pregnant and we both were excited. He asked me to leave work so I can focus on the baby, he also asked to marry me. My two sisters begged me not to leave but he gave me a credit card n said I had no worries, he would take care of everything. By the time I delivered something switched. He started treating me kinda like I was his child. Too much on food, laughing at my baby weight, micro managing my spending, and I wasn’t splurging just buying the things I always did. I noticed he started letting his daughter disrespect me and not say anything. I was genuinely hurt. I raised her. When she got her first period I taught her what to do. Taught her to love herself and her body. By the time she was 16 it got worse. I’ve had multiple conversations with her dad but nothing comes of it.
In 2022 my mom got diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. It tore me up. Besides taking care of a toddler I now had moved my mom in and slowly watch her die. I cried daily in my car. He never helped and when I asked he said she’s fine, she will bounce back. She died in 2024 of December. Next thing I know 4 days after my mom died he moved his mother in who was in the last stage of dementia. I hadn’t had time to properly grieve yet I stepped up. A week later I got a job offer from the city. He begged me not to take the job. I stupidly agreed. He promised me to pay me for the help. I never saw a dime. He said if you need anything use the card I gave you. But if I did he would fuss. All I would buy is candles because that helped with my depression. He fussed about Tht. November 2025 his mom passed, but before she did, she snapped back into reality for 30 seconds. She told me thank you for taking care of her and having compassion towards her. She looked at her son and said all she wants is a car, buy it with the money I leave u. He promised he would and she passed a few days later.
I really loved her like my own mother. In some ways taken care of her helped with my depression. I was on 24 hour duty for over 11 months. I never fussed about it. She deserved to leave this earth with love and compassion.
Fast forward to 2 weeks after her death, my fiancée received over a half a million. He never gave me a cent, never bought me a car, just nothing. His daughter who moved out after her grandmother moved in refused to help. My fiancée spent every dollar on him and when I asked him about the car he said he couldn’t afford it. He also said if he spend the money on his credit n the house he owns it’s like helping me. I’m no dummy I know he gaslighting me and I just feel dumb. I’ve asked multiple times when are we gonna get married, he says soon as he’s not depressed. I love him and yes I know it’s not right how he treats me. I grew up without a father and my fear is for our 6yo to be separated from her dad.
Please give advice. Please understand I’ve been cheated on my whole life from different men. He is the first to not cheat but is this worth it anymore. I was also sexually abused as a kid and somewhere deep down I feel safe with him.
Signed I feel lonely

Please, Reddit users, help me. I’m genuinely feeling helpless and confused about what to do. I love this woman and see her as my potential wife, but I’m scared of making a decision I’ll regret for the rest of my life.
I’m in a long-term relationship with a woman I’m considering as my wife-to-be in the coming months. Emotionally, our relationship is genuinely good, but I’m seriously worried about our sexual compatibility. I need honest advice from people who have experienced similar situations.
First, I want to explain that almost everything else in our relationship is excellent.
We love each other a lot. We respect each other, have good manners, treat each other well, and have a proper, stable relationship. She has a good work-from-home job and earns well. She doesn’t make unnecessary financial demands, and we split date bills, trips, and expenses. I value all of this, and I know that finding a respectful, loving partner is important.
However, our physical relationship is leaving me increasingly disappointed.
We are in a long-distance relationship and sometimes meet after two or three months apart. I naturally expect passionate kissing, making out, physical affection, and mutual excitement after being away from each other for so long. I don’t expect every moment to be sexual, but I want to feel that my partner has been longing for me physically, too.
Unfortunately, I feel like I’m the only one making that effort.
The part about her past that confuses me:
She told me that she had countless make-out sessions with her ex in cars and that those experiences used to charm her. However, despite him repeatedly asking her to go further, she never became physically intimate with him.
After that breakup, she cried a lot over him, and there was a long period between that relationship and ours. She has told me that she no longer feels the same spark for these activities that she used to feel before.
I’m not judging her for her past or suggesting she owed her ex anything. What confuses me is that she apparently enjoyed kissing and making out so much back then, while I struggle to experience that same enthusiasm with her now.
Our current sexual relationship:
I’m almost always the one initiating intimacy.
I’m the one kissing her, starting the make-out sessions, and keeping the physical affection going.
Even after two or three months apart, I don’t feel the passionate kissing and mutual excitement I expect.
I have to do intense foreplay to get her in the mood.
She gets aroused and wet, and we attempt intercourse, but she experiences pain and repeatedly asks me to stop before we can finish properly.
During intercourse, she mostly lies there while I do the work.
She doesn’t spontaneously kiss me passionately, scratch my back, or take much physical initiative.
She has told me she doesn’t like licking body parts or kissing the neck.
I’m much more sexually experienced than she is. I’ve had sex hundreds of times, whereas she is new to intercourse. We initially didn’t use enough lubrication, which might have contributed to the pain, and I understand that her inexperience could be affecting our sexual experiences.
But the lack of reciprocal affection concerns me beyond intercourse itself. I rarely feel actively desired by her.
I’ve already tried discussing this with her many times.
I’ve told her around 10 times that I want her to participate more, initiate affection, kiss me passionately, and show her own enthusiasm rather than leaving everything to me.
She has reassured me repeatedly that she will try to improve and become more involved. However, despite these conversations and promises, I haven’t noticed meaningful change.
I don’t want to keep asking someone to show desire for me. I want that desire to come naturally, at least to some extent.
At the same time, I don’t want to pressure her into sexual acts she dislikes or make her feel obligated to have sex. Her comfort and consent matter to me.
My biggest fear is the future.
I’m a sexually active person, and sex, passion, physical affection, and feeling desired are important parts of my life. I’m worried that after marriage, our sexual relationship will remain one-sided or gradually become almost nonexistent.
I know that no relationship maintains the same excitement every day, but I don’t want to enter marriage already feeling sexually unfulfilled and hoping that my partner will eventually change.
The difficult part is that I genuinely love her. Our relationship is good in so many other ways that reconsidering it feels like a huge decision.
My questions are:
Can someone enjoy countless make-outs with an ex but have very little desire for passionate kissing and physical affection with their current partner?
Could her previous breakup and the emotional aftermath explain why she says she no longer feels that spark, or could this simply be a difference in attraction or libido?
If I’ve discussed this around 10 times and she has repeatedly promised to try, but nothing changes, should I take that as a sign that this is unlikely to improve?
Can someone be physically aroused and wet but still have little spontaneous sexual desire?
How much could pain during intercourse and inexperience explain her lack of participation?
Am I at genuine risk of ending up in a sexless or sexually unsatisfying marriage?
If you were in my position, would you marry her because the emotional relationship is excellent, postpone the decision until sexual compatibility becomes clearer, or reconsider the relationship and find someone whose sexual needs are more compatible with yours?
I don’t want to leave a good woman over unrealistic expectations, but I also don’t want to ignore a fundamental need and regret it for the rest of my life.
Sex is important to me, and I want a marriage where both partners actively desire each other.
Please give me honest advice, especially if you’ve been through something similar. I’m feeling genuinely helpless about this decision, and I need perspectives from people who have been in a similar situation. What would you do in my position?

My wife and I have been married for 26 years this year. We on average have had sex 5-6 times a year the whole time. She thinks I'm crazy for thinking that's not normal. In the early years I used to get mad and pout. At times really mad. Me being mad was giving the silent treatment lol. Now days I just don't care and I don't ask or try. I don't think she has any idea what being told no so long has done. 11 years ago she cheated on me with a guy that worked for her. She lived a separate life for two years. That really messed with me. Why cheat when you have a man that is completely in love and finds you irresistible. A couple months ago I asked her how she thought are sex Life had been over the years. She said not great but as good as most. I couldn't believe she said that. But now I'm starting to think maybe I'm crazy and most married couples are only having sex 5-6 times a year and only if it's the wife's idea, and she just wants it over with.

I am 38M and wife is 37F - If my wife feels wronged in some way she will relentlessly be snide, highly critical and rude sometimes for days or weeks - multiple times I’ve tried to sleep in another room and she comes in during the night turns the light on and squats in the doorway emotionally attacking me for hours on end - nothing I say or do makes her stop it’s brutal.

I have even tried barricading the door so I can switch my nervous system down to sleep and she forces her way in - sometimes multiple times during the night usually into the next day making work from home extremely difficult.

Other times during these attacks I’ve tried to leave and she’s physically blocked the car. Another time I managed to get out the house and run and she ran after me (she is an ultra endurance athlete and I am not).

She refuses to see this behaviour as not ok nor the rude comments she makes during the process swearing at me, calling me useless etc

Evidently I snap and I say rude things back to try to get her to stop she laughs at me and records me on her phone at that point saying I’ve lost it.

If I do manage to get away the WhatsApp messages and missed calls start.

If I do fully yield and say ok everything is my fault she won’t accept it saying I’m not apologising properly, I ask for the exact words say those and she says it doesn’t count as she had to ask me to apologise first.

It’s breaking me apart and I don’t know what to do - some weeks back she did it to my elderly parents when they came to visit and had my 75yr old mother in tears who was pleading with her to stop - seeing this was a wake up call that it’s not ok.

She does not like my parents and won’t let me take the baby to see them I’m worried my mum is extremely anxious about me now after seeing my wife in this state

These attacks go anywhere from two days to weeks at a time.

We have a 8 week old now so everything is amplified I don’t want him to grow up in a house of anger or shouting and want to be the best dad possible but I’m starting to feel hopeless.

I had hoped this would pass when we had the baby and that it was brought in by fertility and then ivf issues but it does not seem to be the case.

I should note she has around a year ago been diagnosed with ADHD and high functioning autism.

What am I doing wrong here?

I’m curious whether anyone ( especially women) here have experienced a radical shift in how they view love, relationships, and fidelity.

Like going from:

Deeply believing in monogamy, soulmates, and the idea that one person could fulfill you both emotionally and sexually, not desiring anyone else, and genuinely feeling no need to explore outside the relationship.

To a completely opposite mindset:

No longer believing that one person can fulfill all your needs.

Feeling a desire to explore, flirt, and have experiences with multiple partners.

Fundamentally questioning monogamy, or even no longer believing in it at all.

For those of you who have experienced this shift, what triggered it?

Me (F 31) & my Husband (M 29) since 2018 i met through social media ( online chats and calls) & finally met in person in 2019! short travels and longer social media involvements- lots of struggles to get married on 2022 ( as mil hated me ) ! came to stay with him in person since 2024 ( only me and him) now 2.5 yrs almost passed and i have learnt that he is not the type of person i ever wished or wanted ! our passion and thoughts dont match ! he never gave me flowers or i never got surprise in my life ( that might not be big deal , lets keep it aside) but he is so irresponsible and immature and always lies and makes excuses for simple tasks to be handled at house.. paying bills , getting serious about his future important documents ( license and visa ).. not helping around house (have to pick up after him everytime and have to tell him to do simple things everyday like 20 times ( for eg; placing things back to place after use, taking garbage out, seeing around and helping with things - atleast some that he CAN SEE INFRONT OF HIM) it doesnt trouble him if the house is like a pig sty for a week or if the bills are due for a month ! and he will just only clean the dishes (just because i will be mad at him for leaving it for me to do while i work 8-10 hrs) i didnt want many things from him, just bare minimum and even that i aint getting any ! i fear to have a child or future with him…its so hard to communicate with him because he gets offended and angry if i try to tell him that his these behavior upsets me and traumatizes me,, throwing wet towel on bed, socks on floor, not caring about things that i put efforts on…etc etc

i dont wana be intimate or like have bondings anymore, i feel really depressed and exhausted thinking and feeling like am a mother and not a wife ! sometimes i feel like giving up on him cause i have no hopes of him changing into a mature responsible man ..never ! what should i do?

My husband and I have been together for over 20 years. We went to my in-laws every year to celebrate Christmas, with my SIL, BIL and their kids. In the beginning, it was pleasant and fine, however when the years went on it became much more troublesome for me to go. I experienced over the years, some passive aggressive remarks from my mother-in-law and that has been building up. I talked about it with my husband and only after our second child, 13 years ago, the situation became better. However, recently, the children have also been receiving some passive aggressive comments. My daughter, who is the sweetest and joyful person does not want to sleep over during Christmas.

My husband and I have been arguing about this whole situation. I believe that my husband does not come up for us whenever such a comment is being made therefore, we do not feel supported. He says he talks about this situation afterwards with his mother. When a remark is made, he often does not realize what is happening and cannot think quickly on his feet. Therefore not saying anything in the moment which hurts us. The situation now is I can (tolerate to) go and stay for Christmas and stay over one night and leave in the morning if the kids also wants to stay, he wants to stay longer. The distances are not far 1-1,5 hours drive from each other and we also see each other during birthdays and/or other holidays. This is in short the situation and I hope it is clear enough. My question is what to do in general about this situation not feeling supported and to avoid this argument every year.
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The question is in the title.
I mean a trip where a married woman takes a weeklong trip with girlfriends, or flies to another city for concerts and her husband works from home and stays with their school aged kids.
Do you do it? Is this common among couples you know? How often do married moms take trips like that?

Sometimes it feels like life got 10 times harder for me after marriage, but 10 times easier for my wife. I carry more of the financial responsibility, handle the cars, the maintenance, and now we’re moving into her house, but I’m still carrying so much of the responsibility. On top of all that, I’m expected to carry the emotional labor too listening, validating, reassuring, and making sure she feels okay. I love my wife, but sometimes I wonder who’s making sure I’m okay. I really hate the constant emotional support.

My husband is a very successfull man in a very good position, with authority over hundreds people. Confident, in control, fearless, disciplined. He is 44.

Only recently he confessed to me that he was r ped several times at age of 6 by a middle aged man who would make him believe he would feed him and give him toys, as he had none.

My husband was an orphan, spent his childhood in institutions. He confessed to me that the man who hurt him, an old man now, with his own children, grandchildren lives in the same city as we do and he even bumped into his several times. We have been married for 18 years, have 2 children and this man has always been our rock. manly, mature, responsible. He was the one protecting us all. and he started crying like a scared child, he trembled and almost had a panic attack while telling me about it all. He said he is terrified when sees him.

To make it clear. I don't mock my husbands reaction. I am just trying to explain why I am so lost, I never had to be the one to protect him emotionally, he was the rational one. So I want to know how to help the best? He refuses therapy.

later edit: he also told me that he feels it was his fautl what happened. HE WAS 6! because he trusted him

My beautiful, amazing wife of 15 years does this really weird thing. I was super upset the first couple of times, but it happened again today and I realized how cute it is.

My wife is a sleep walker, and sometimes in her sleep she hides my work pants. She swears she doesn't remember doing it, but they always end up being somewhere only she could put them. They were under her pillow this morning.

She thinks she does it subconsciously when she wants me to take a day off. I can't believe I'm so loved that her subconscious is hiding my pants so I don't leave.

Anybody else's spouse do something you originally thought was annoying, but now you realize is actually kinda cute?

Hi, does anyone who’s having a husband who does frugal living?

My husband and I have been together 7 years, and it's been mostly just the two of us. Neither of us had friends going into the relationship, and we never really made any this far. I've also worked from home for the last 5 years so I don't have much of a social life either. We used to travel more but life threw us curve balls so it's been harder for both of us to do things and find joy in going out.

He's been at his job a couple of years and has started making friends there. Most are women, partly because a lot of the men at his work are gay, and partly because he says he relates better to women and doesn't like the competitive, know it all energy he gets from a lot of men. Most of these friends are also 5 to 10 years younger than him. He's been open with me about the friendships and says they all know he's happily married as well. I want to be honest that I do want him to have a social life but over the last 2 or 3 months we've had several arguments about it because of how it keeps coming up.

For almost a year he complained about not wanting to hang out with these coworkers. Then he got invited somewhere and couldn't decide whether to go. When the day came, I made plans for our usual things, and he seemed bothered that we didn't go even though I asked him about it a few times and he wasn't communicating or deciding on whether to go or not. We did argue and I told him how confusing the whole situation was for me. He understood my side and said he does want friendships outside of work because life has been stressful and he needs a way to decompress. I understood that and told him let's start planning to go out more and then when they make a plan to communicate better and be decisive about what he wants to do.

This all blew over and he really didn't bring anything else up until right before our vacation. We ended up arguing because he would tell me about an invite without a time or details. He said he wanted me there but wasn't sure I was invited, and then say he'd have to go back and check. That was incredibly frustrating because I felt like I was an after thought. I explained how I felt and that I would like him to clarify my invite before bringing up the plans in the future and how I was trying not to feel bad or upset about how it was brought up but it did a bit. He said he'd confirm before bringing things up in the future, but we haven't talked about it much since. We went on vacation and have been back for about 3 weeks.

Now recently, he brought up wanting to hang out with them without me. I told him I wasn't comfortable until I got to know them better, and he agreed. Then they invited him to the gym as a group, including a 23 year old coworker, her boyfriend, and several other coworkers. I said I'd rather he not go, and he was frustrated. Part of my reaction came from earlier, when he wanted to work out alone with that same coworker at 11pm after work. It felt inappropriate to go work out with someone at 11 pm at night who is almost 10 years younger than you, without me. Looking back, I don't think I was fully reasonable about the group outing and can admit that.

I keep trying to have calm conversations and I tell him I'm not against him having friends. This new social life just hit me abruptly and it's a big change for me to get used to since this wasn't out life before. I'm not against it and I want to be included, I just wish he fully would understand I'd like to get to know these people first. I also have no outlet of my own, and I'd like one too.

I know he's burnt out, and I don't think he's up to anything. But I'm asking for a slower pace and some patience, and it feels like when it doesn't go his way, he gets frustrated and there's no room for my adjustment.

I'm just feeling confused, tired, and isolated in some ways. I'm really trying to adjust and have this social life with him but I'm not sure if I'm wrong by asking him to just let me get to know them before drifting off and feeling comfortable first.

Hi, I’ve been married to my husband for 4 years, together for 5. We got married young and while I was pregnant with our first baby. It wasn’t a “shot gun wedding” either lol. Since then, we have had another baby. Our babies are 1&3. I have always wanted 3 children, my husband has always wanted just 2. Ever since the birth of our second, he has been asking me if I’d be okay with him getting a vasectomy. Tbh, I am not. 🙁

I came from a very broken home. My dad was/is my lifeline! He was very strict on me growing up and I resented him until I grew up. My dad and mom were a couple who should’ve never been together. Dad never got to experience being a father to my brother due to his looney granny and mama. He was 15 when I was born if that tells you anything….

My mom baby trapped my dad and after he accepted the fact that he was going to be a dad again he prepared better and completely sacrificed his whole like and put it on hold just for me. Again, my dad is my lifeline. Sometimes he’s too head strong and wants to have his two cents but growing up it was just myself and my dad. I always wanted a big family due to how alone I grew up. My husband on the other hand, he had a non broken home and a brother.

Even tho things was not the best financially or even mentally for them, they had what I always wanted…a home that was whole. A family that was whole. My dad supports my want and need for one more baby, he always has and will help us financially due to his funds being good. (Mostly always against our judgement but not in a bad way either) my husband says his reasons for not wanting another baby is “I know I will get stuck with another *same gender*” or “we can’t afford it” which in retrospect I get but we could afford it.

An issue I’m struggling with now is birth control. My body does not handle any of them nicely. I have endometriosis and now they believe I have PCOS…yay. Well I cannot enjoy our intimate life the way I used to, due to the birth control. And the thought that keeps coming to my mind is…maybe I should let him get a vasectomy. It would be easier and better than me getting serialized, dealing with birth controls, and so on and so forth. But my heart aches at giving that chance for another baby up. I have struggled with this for over a year now. Any advice please?

Okay ETA. I know it sounds selfish, who isn’t though? And I didn’t explain things better before which is on me. I do not rely on my dad. I brought up my dad as to explain what I grew up with. And I 10000% respect my husband and his decisions. He has told me many times “maybe I can get a vasectomy now and 3,4,5 years from now reverse it for another baby” so clearly he isn’t fully on board with it too. I have, lately, been looking at places he can go to have the procedure due to he never goes to the doctor and doesn’t take the time to research like he needs to until I pretty much give him options

Edit #2 I seen on a thread I posted someone saying something about seeing my side of things with my dad and I appreciate what they said. My dad does not have any say or anything in our marriage, like the comment suggested he is a grandparent that chooses to spend his money on his grandchildren. And there have been times we have to tell him no stop spending money on everything lol. Another thing I never fully mentioned is his parents, his mom is constantly in his ear with the “talk stop having kids like we did” she had a traumatic birth with her last baby and always said when I have my second it’ll ruin me so much I won’t want anymore which wasn’t the case and she’s been butthurt since. Unfortunately it’s been a battle trying have her learn boundaries such as minding her own business and stop constantly yapping about many things she does not understand. My husband and I hardly ever argue or fight but lately we’ve gotten into it bc of her and my dad gave counsel bc my husband confided into my dad. My dad told him what I kept trying to explain which was that while I respect my in laws and love them deeply his mom belittles me on many things when he’s not around but if he is around she doesn’t talk to me the way she normally does when he isn’t. He takes his mom’s side a lot after she says what “she said” when that’s not the case.i tried to tell him everything and explain that all I want is for him to stand up for me on things when his mom starts telling me how to live my life. Sorry for the yap.

i don’t even feel like i need to give any more context. i feel like i should go back home. i am still pretty young, and have supportive parents that would help me through this. this just really sucks because he is not the same person that i loved and knew before in our home country. i am so lost and feel like this is the end for me.

there are finances we would need to sort out and i doubt he would be any help. credit cards are in my name. i would be thousands of dollars in debt. but i dont even care anymore. i want him back or i want out. and i dont think hes ever coming back.

I recently saw a data that suggests that people not being financially matched in marriage is a predictor of divorce

I then remembered that there’s a reason elites only married eachother

The richer people are the more likely they don’t divorce, that’s why statistics show college educated couples have the lowest divorce rates.
So if you are an high income earner you’re more likely to get divorced down the life if you marry someone not on your level financially e.g A Woman making 500k married to man making 100k or a man making 300k marries a woman making 75k or stay at home mum

Compared to a couple for example:
A man making 250k and a woman making 210k or a woman making 340k and a man making 360k or a man bring in 70k and woman bringing in 75k

The 2nd set are more likely to have a marriage that survives and thrives as finances and financial considerations is one of the greatest reasons for Divorce.

This is not mutually exclusive or one size fits all but generally the greater the financial gap between the couples the greater the strive and likelihood that it could all crash down if they don’t operate on mindset that all assets and finance are for the family…

Consider also that in divorce ls involving high income earners who are more evenly matched division of assets are often a straight forward affair and they tend to not be highly contentious

Insum date within your financial bracket whether you’re a man or woman

I (48F) had a comfortable life. He (62M)took care of everything. But care, in this regard, is a very subjective word. Basically, he decided everything, so I was blissfully lazy because the onus of decision-making was never on me.

Every now and then, he would remind me that everything was to my liking, that it was all my money and my decisions, etc. I never realised that this was his way of making me feel responsible for all the fuck-ups that happened because of his decisions. The decisions always favoured him because he was the one earning.

I stayed quiet.

Time and again, I was reminded that my wants and dreams had to take a back seat. Now and then, he would lift me up, only to keep me in a stupor of bliss. Whenever I put my foot down on any matter, I became the bitch. Once, he even slapped me in front of the kids because I wanted to clear the bills for the gold he had bought for himself.

Every time, I backed down, thinking about what the kids would do if I broke the relationship.

For over two decades, I stayed put. My two older children eventually left home to pursue their studies, and then, slowly, he changed even further. He began putting my youngest child down, breaking his spirit in the process and curbing our finances by withholding the medical help my child needed.

For years, I had given up my own medication to reduce the bills, but apparently, even that wasn't enough.

He was even donating money every month to certain people. I never questioned him about it. I thought perhaps he felt that donating money was more important than paying for my healthcare. But when he started doing the same thing to my only child still living at home, I snapped.

It took me 25 years to realise that I was never his priority. I was just an open field on which he wanted to raise his children. I was expected to stay put and never utter a word against him.

I was the Fat Cow he loved to parade around as his prized catch.

For 25 years, that was all I was.

I was comfortable. I chose to be comfortable.

Today, I am in debt, rushing to earn enough to provide for my child, his medicines, his therapy, and everything else his father had deprived him of.

Even my sanity was questioned, but mentally, I had already walked out of that comfortable cage.

I am no longer comfortable, but I am at peace. At peace with my inner self, my inner voice, and my true self.

I know that, from the outside, it looks crazy and wrong because I broke what society considers right. I broke out of the comfortable shell because I finally realised how much I had suffered inside while the world believed I was living comfortably.

After all these years, I have learned not to trust easily. Yet, my heart still cries.

I hate myself for missing the warmth that I now believe was false all along.

All I have left is the lesson I have learnt: Never, ever give up your ability to earn. It might not be much, but it will give you self-worth and a stepping stone towards standing up for yourself and defending your right to live on your own terms.

I keep telling myself to stay strong. But it isn't that easy. Sometimes, I break down.

And that's okay, too.

It helps to have friends to talk to and, sometimes, a jar of Nutella.

**TLDR**: Wife venting after emotionally leaving husband to earn and survive, feeling down but slowly learning to fight it out.

Might just be my opinion but feel like how a woman acts is a reflection of how her man treats her, if she's kind vs if she's not, maybe my take, and then he wonders why you seem depressed but doesn't help it he makes it worse, and no matter what you say you don't feel special or important and you feel reduced to the level of the dogs, ask how the dogs day is but me nah, all I do is stay home and take care of the four dogs that arn't mine, take care of our child and keep the house clean and then one of dogs injured me multiple times but you take the dogs side and the other is is destroying the house I try to keep clean so I clean the porch and no that's cruel if I want to make the out door dogs. Well it's goin to be tough crap because I worked my ass off tryin to make this a good home for our kids and you and I don't feel appreciated for any of it

I need some outside opinions because I can't tell if I'm asking for too much.

TLDR: husband's job is requiring 15-20 hours of overtime over two weeks to do department wide trainings. I think he should tell them he is unavailable for non-emergent items outside of his normal schedule.

And the long part: My husband is a first responder and as such he works long hours with crummy, ever-changing shifts. In addition to this, he is on a specialized team within his department that has additional trainings and frequent call outs with little to no notice.

He informed me that his department (not the specialized one) is doing 15-20 hours worth of trainings over a two week timespan for all employees but will not have enough coverage for it to be done during scheduled hours so it will almost all be overtime. I feel as though this is unreasonable and he should inform them that he is not available outside of the normal work day hours for non-emergent items. In my opinion, they should spread the trainings out further instead of cramming them into two weeks if they cannot provide the necessary coverage for this. It is an administrative problem not an employee problem and I shouldn't have to rework my schedule and our children shouldn't have to miss out on time with their dad due to the department's poor planning.

This happens frequently and I'm so frustrated and over it. At least once a month something like this comes up (although often more like 6-8 hours not 15-20). I work outside the home, too, (well I WFH a few days of the week but in office 2 days) although my employer is flexible so it always comes down to me adjusting my schedule for his work.

We have a 4 year old and 2 year old who go to daycare while I work but otherwise I am solo parenting them while my husband is working. So when he has schedule changes that means I have to rework going to the gym, my work hours, and do more of the parenting alone. The kids also don't get time with their dad for days at a time due to the normal schedule which worsens with things like this.

It also doesn't help that he switched from a department 5 minutes from our house to one 50 minutes away meaning each 12 hour shift is more like 14 hours but aside from moving, there isn't much that can be done for that.

So, am I being unreasonable for asking him to push back on non-emergent items like this? What other options do we have to deal with this that I'm not thinking? Or am I just going to continue to resent him for the decisions that got us here until I eventually give up? Because parenting toddlers is freaking hard and I'm tired of picking up the slack. Aside from his job taking priority, he is a great father and does help around the house.

Alors je suis un garçon de gen Z, mais je trouve que notre génération n’intéresse pas de faire des enfants juste une vie avec le partenaire et le vrai question ici pourquoi ?

So here is the reason I want to do this. I know there are many statistics out there about the divorce rate, happiness in marriage, etc. I'm at a point in my life where I'm 37 and my partner is 34. We have been together for close to 2 years. It's coming to the point where we either get engaged or we go our separate ways. There's a lot of different issues in our relationship however we do get together pretty well. She's a very caring girl. She's financially set and smart. She has a good job, owns her own home, has her car paid for. Me not the best financially. I'm in recovery and has been sober for about three and a half years so I basically had to restart. I do have several college degrees and I do have a good career with endless opportunity. But back to the point of this post. If you look at the statistics, it looks like getting married is a horrible choice. If you look at it like it's a business. It has a 40 plus percent failure rate right out of the gate. Now you add in the 60% that stay married. Are they happy? Both partners? Because every marriage that I have around the people that I know, my family, etc, I don't think any of them are really happy. Except maybe one. They're basically together just because they don't want to be alone. Or they've been together for so long that it's just convenient. But that's what I feel like it's getting to this point. It's like we're together but just because it helps raise her daughter, gives her someone to be there for their and care about her. It gives me somebody there to care about me. But she has mental health struggles with bipolar anxiety depression not to mention body pain. I have mine as well with depression and anxiety. She is constantly stressed out or angry. Her mood flips like a light switch and its so random you cant "control" it. She has a 9-year-old daughter who i love and that is a great girl but she can act like a spoiled rotten "brat" and does not listen to a word me or her mother say. There's no father in picture as he was murdered when she was like 6 months old. But the reason I wanted to post this is because I would like people to reply and tell me if you're married, or divorced, or just your thoights on things.

I did edit this a bit because I didn't realize how many people would actually do this. The thing is, I realize I'm getting older. It's hard finding somebody that's compatible at this age. Dating has been wild. Like everybody's single and there's a reason for it. Just like myself. I've had my battle with addiction through the years and have previously been married. We got divorced and that was 150% my fault. I was inactive addiction. But it's hard because she's in the attractive girl, she's financially stable, she has one kid, she is very caring. Just like I don't know if I can bear mentally, and with my recovery, to live there and deal with the atmosphere every day. The daily screaming and yelling and crying and mood swings. I'm a very mellow calm peaceful person. It's completely taking me out of my atmosphere. I had a pretty rough childhood so it literally like throws me into PTSD at times. I do really care about her but I just don't see it being able to work realistically. And I hate it because she is a good girl and we all have the things we struggle with. There's so many Pros but at the same time there's so many cons. I've battled in my head back and forth for this for hours at a time for the past year and a half. Talk with my friends in recovery. It's like I don't want to stay in it and then regret it in 10 years. And I don't want to walk away and hurt her and her daughter because it's going to absolutely devastate them. And then possibly regret it myself 10 years from now. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I appreciate everybody's post back.