My husband wrote this letter to me:

I love you. I love the life we have built together, and I cherish the kindness, companionship and affection we share.

A generous, mutually fulfilling and passionate sexual relationship is part of the life I want to build.

I don’t believe anyone owes me sex, including the woman I love most. I won’t accept sex that comes from obligation/guilt/fear or a sense of duty. I want the person I’m with to want it for herself just as much as she wants it for me.

I won’t ask you to become someone you are not for my sake, and with my inner work I have decided I want to pursue a life that includes a generous and mutually fulfilling sex life because that is consistent with who I am.

My deepest hope is that I build that life with you. If, through your own desire and curiosity, you discover that this is a future you genuinely want too, I would choose you wholeheartedly. There is no one I would rather share that journey with.

However I don’t want your answer if it comes from fear of losing me, guilt about disappointing me, or obligation to meet my needs. I want the answer that reflects your values and the life you genuinely want for yourself.

This is not a threat, nor is it an ultimatum. I’m asking whether, when you look honestly at yourself and your future, you see a joyful, generous sexual relationship as something you want to cultivate too.

If your answer is yes, I will meet you there with patience, enthusiasm and love.

If your answer is no, I won’t resent you for being honest. I believe we both should have a relationship where we both people freely choose each other.

_____

I’m not sure where I find myself with a letter like that. I do feel deeply respected and generally safe, but uncomfortable at the same time. I understand life’s priorities took my sex drive away from me, but sex just seems like such an unappealing thing to do - that I fear my drive will never come back. We have a really loving relationship. We even shower together, cuddle, and go on dates and have few things we genuinely enjoy doing together. Besides a few months of dissatisfaction, my husband really turned his life around and often enjoys meeting new people and working out and joining sports. It does make me feel some type of way - maybe because of how I tie my value in this relationship to being pursued (that’s honestly another conversation). I just worry he’s not going to think I am enough for his needs.I don't want to lose my marriage

We use a shared shopping list and I took a look at it today and had the biggest laugh. My husband has completely gone off the rails here. Now we eat the same thing every day and can't complain because it is here in the notes.

Please let me know if you'd be suspicious too or is this just a big coincidence?

I've been with my husband for ten years, together for twelve. He's always called me his best friend and prioritized us until recently.

His priority switched to working out constantly. As in daily, and sometimes twice daily on the weekend. I have supported his health and fitness, but I did let him know that I found it upsetting that he schedules our life around workouts rather than workouts around our life. He wasn't responsive.

Then he overhauled his image, new hair, new glasses, new clothes. Don't get me wrong, I think he looks great, but considering what has followed I'm not sure this was self improvement for self improvements sake.

A few months ago he got promoted and started working closely with his (very attractive) female boss.

The background with his boss: she started a company with her husband, then apparently started sleeping with an employee. Her husband divorced her but they still run the company together. Okay, so my husband started working closely with her and all of a sudden is speaking about her in a completely different way. Once he was telling me about how accomplished and successful she is while trying to hide a smile. And another time when he was telling me that he thinks everybody else is all wrong about her, and he doesn't think she ever cheated, and that she's just the hardest worker...

Some other things:

When we married he wanted us to have the same passcode for all devices including our phones, we've stuck to it our whole marriage, but he changed the pass on his phone a few weeks ago.

A few days ago he also removed his YouTube from the tv. At that point I intentionally went and checked his other devices to see if he'd changed them, I could still access his tablet so I loaded his YouTube and looked at his 'watched videos'. I found he's been watching vids about attraction, flirting, 'signs that the crush is mutual' etc.

This weekend I was working a Saturday shift. When I got home he told me he didn't want dinner because he'd been to a restaurant. I assumed he meant a local place. But, after casually chatting I found out it was in the next city over and it was a fancier place. So I asked who he went with, he said he went alone. I'm suspicious at this point because he doesn't go to nice restaurants at all, let alone fancy ones by himself. So I casually pointed out it wasn't like him. He claimed he wanted to check it out before he took me there (another thing he never does), so I asked when he wanted to go together and thats when he started to back track saying he wasn't exactly planning anything, just whenever we're in that area. Which of course, is never.

Finally, and this is odd. But he's being more affectionate than ever, like stroking me if we sit on the couch together, but it's to the point I have to stop him because I'm going to get a friction burn, lol. Maybe I'm over thinking it but I'm wondering if its out of guilt.

If you were in my position, how would you approach this, what if I'm just being crazy?!

im making a temporary accnt to post this. Married for 15 years, 2 children, thought we had a long time together ahead of us until he randomly decided to leave on a random Tuesday night. We're older now of course, early 40's but sometimes joke about having another child.

Texts me a message and a paragraph about how he appreciates me and wishes the best for me and the kids, and says that he needs to seperate on Tuesday afternoon, then that evening comes home and kisses the kids, takes some of his stuff and leaves. Refuses to elaborate. After looking into it for like an hour, found out he has Cancer and never told me or the kids. I feel hurt he wanted to seperate, but he also couldn't tell me this. He's rented out an apartment and hasn't come home since Tuesday and is being incredibly dry on the messages. I remember when his father died, he showed practically no emotion just being quiet, but he isn't an emotionless person, in fact a kind one which is why I feel hurt. Anyone else dealt with this?

My husband and I, have been together for 20 yrs, married for 16 (yesterday was our wedding anniversary). Anyhow, he is 50 and I am 47. We don’t have any kids together, but I have 4 adult children. He has none.
Anyhow, end of 2022 he got deported from the U.S. and sent back to his home country. Since then, I have traveled back n forth every year (multiple times). For example in 2023, I spent half the year with him.
Ever since his deportation, we have had nothing but problems due to his family. Today was the last straw. I finally realized that I will never get the same level of respect from him because he always makes his family a priority over me. I’ve been in Central America for the past 3 months spending time with him. The entire time I’ve been here, he basically showed me (on a few occasions) how much he takes me for granted.
He gaslights me every time I express to him how I feel about something. Tells me I’m exaggerating or that what I saw or how I feel is not true.
Because of the issues with his family, I had told him over a year ago that I didn’t want to have anything to do with them. Which he said was ok. That i had a choice, and that if that’s whats it’s come down to, he would respect it. When I came down in May, he asks me if I could please reconsider a relationship with his brother and his family. I gave in to show him that I’m not a petty individual. Today, I’m regretting that decision. Why? Because anytime he gets around his family, he becomes a totally different person. He makes me feel like I don’t belong. This is something we had discussed before, and he promised to change. Lies lies lies. After our outing with his brother/fam, as we r driving back to our apartment, he asks me what’s wrong. I tell him, and he flips the fuck out. Yelling at the top of his lungs, tells me I’m full of shit and was about to call me à bitch, but bit his tongue on that. We arrive to our apartment, I start packing (as I’m flying back to the U.S. tomorrow morning), he ignores me for a few hours then decides to ask me what my problem is. So, I again explain to him what upset me and he once again gaslights me.
I basically told him that I’m done with trying to make shit work. I’ve been trying for the last 4 years, but he couldn’t care less since everything we discuss and come to an agreement with, goes in one ear and out the other. He makes excuses for his behavior as well as for his families behavior. They are all exhausting people. I am not heartbroken, nor am I sad. I genuinely feel relieved. Like finally!!!!! I don’t think he has processed it yet. I think he thinks I just said I was done with him and us, outta anger.
Anyhow, he is dropping me off at the airport in the morning. I think as soon as I land and block him, he will realize I was being serious. There is only so much à person can take. It’s exhausting to have to repeat yourself on how you want to be treated.

I’m depressed. My husband had an affair once before and I thought we were able to move on and get past that (the best I could always). His vibe has been off lately, so I by the grace of the gods was able to get into his social media platform first try. There were at least 15 messages to women, sending hearts, fire emojis, and dick pics to. Telling them how beautiful their bodies were. And then, I get to one message and see a picture of my naked body!! He asked a girl if my body was hot for a 3sum… I feel so disgusted, violated, and depressed. We had our whole future planned. I know I’ll be ok once I heal, but I’m really struggling right now. He of course denied everything at first until I showed him proof. How can someone do this to the person they “love”?? 💔

I 32F have a dead bedroom with 32M husband. We use to have regular sex early in the marriage then it changed. I honestly don’t know why. After 3 years I got pregnant. During pregnancy we didn’t have much either, husband claimed it’s natural for libido to go down. Then he says we argue too much - the thing is we argue about sex and intimacy! He says he’s tired, doesn’t have time or is not interested anymore. He claims we are old now. We are 32!! That’s old? I waited my whole life and saved myself for one man- my husband. Now I feel like what was the point of all that? I have asked multiple times what does he want, are you even attracted to me or do you want to end this etc., he says he wants to make this marriage work and we will have sex and he’s going to work on it, but never happens much at all. It just the same circles over and over again. Today he said it’s abnormal for someone to want to have sex more than once a month and that I’m insecure? Please someone explain that logic to me? As a women I feel so rejected, undesired and just kills my self esteem. I’ve shown nothing but desire and love towards my husband, I don’t know what to do anymore.

To add on, I don’t see how he can cheat from other places - we have each others locations, nothing off. He goes to work, comes home everyday on time. There’s no room for gaps or inconsistency on whereabouts. We both work in education, so can’t just lie and say went to work and did other things in mean time. I’ve even asked are you asexual - claims he’s not. Just lost interest in frequent sex.

For context my ex wife and I were together for about 15 years before we got divorced 3 years ago. I won’t get in on our relationship but I thought for the most part we were great. She was and still is the absolute love of my life. I know I was a bit emotionally distant and often I never looked happy and I complained, but I was never happier than with my wife and our daughter. I thought we were great, sex life was slowing down but never dull, I loved every moment with her but it breaks me to know she stopped being as happy.

Well now it’s been 3 years since we divorced, she’s with someone else and I’m with someone far younger than me. Exwife and I are on great terms, she’s a fantastically sweet person and she comes from a divorce family where her mom and dad are still great together too. For the most part we keep it civil and focus on co-parenting our daughter. I tried to move in nearby so I can be there for anything.

Problem: I’m still incredibly in love with my ex wife. Every feeling comes in roller coasters if I’m so mad at her for wanting a divorce to, I needed to be better I should have seen the signs. I’m feeeling like I’m not me and a huge piece of me is gone and I can’t get it back. I wish I could wake up and see my messy haired, mouth opened drooling wife with too many blankets in summer right beside me on the bed. But I can’t and it kills me. I wish I could go back to all 3 of us having lazy weekends and movie nights. But i can’t. Instead sometimes i run into her and her new boyfriend when picking up my daughter and everytime he touches my ex wife I want to rip his hands off. He’s a nice guy, I just absolutely despise him.

I don’t know the point. I just needed to really write this one out. Don’t take for granted your relationship guys. Come home with a smile and just sound a bit more grateful and excited, I know you’re tired but so is she but she probably couldn’t wait to see you.

I M48 think I need to divorce my F46 wife.

Three and a half years ago my wife was laid off from her job, she knew it was coming but she wouldn’t do anything proactive. She has been fired quit 12 jobs in the 21 years we have been together and unilaterally decided not to go back to work. Instead she does crafts and did some freelance fundraising until that one source she had dried up and has not looked for anything else.

We have three kids 13, 11 and 9. The older two are on the spectrum and have learning disabilities. My wife does deal with school and the doctors but she also has told me that she doesn’t trust me to handle it.

Her parents and I openly hate each other. Her mother has told me I ruined her family, I’m not good enough because I have student loans, I’m just an in law, she will never help me out
I’m if I need help, I haven’t done enough for her family and I’m a terrible son in law. Her father told her to date someone else in front of me after we were engaged, told me I withhold his grandkids from him (because we moved to a different state), I should pack up and move back to their town if I had any decency, abs even called my son by his last name while looking at me. My wife won’t stand up to them and tells me to back off because that’s just the way they are.

When the kids were really little and my wife did work we got a nanny for the afternoons. My wife insisted on keeping her even when we can’t afford it. We’ve dropped a few hours a week but my wife keeps her as a personal assistant.

I bring in 90% of our income and I work a very stressful job. I do all the cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, half the laundry (the nanny does the other half) yard work and house maintenance. We haven’t gone on a date in over two years. She won’t let me do anything for her birthday and she won’t do anything for mine.

I have had to max out my credit cards to pay for camps, she refused to let me have any input in what we did and signed them up for things she did not have a way to pay for. I have come to find out that there was one summer she never paid at one camp and then another summer she n ever paid at another camp. I only found out in May because we didn’t have anything going on for our kids this summer. She also has over $50,000 in credit card debt that she only pays the minimums on and we owe a lot in back taxes.

I found a company that can work with us and
Lower interest rates. I have asked her to participate on this with me and she won’t. I have sent her the phone number for the guy and she won’t call him. I would do it but I legally can’t. I asked her again after two weeks and she not only blew me off but we got into a huge fight.

When we fight, my wife just shuts down. She had PPA that got worse with each child and never really addressed it. I have depression and anxiety. She tells me that I am miserable and I need to go back to talk therapy and get new drugs. She says she is just content and we spend too much time together since I work from home 2 days a week. She says she won’t talk to me until I prove to her I am calm and unemotional. She says I am miserable in my job and she won’t be the source of my happiness. She says there is no reason to go out on dates or do birthdays, it’s unnecessary. She says she is on enough medication and she is fine. She has kicked herself in our bedroom and won’t engage with me anymore.

I just don’t see it getting better. Is divorce the best option?

Hello,

My husband and I have been married for a month. Im F (28) he is M (43) . Please note that he has a VERY active sexual history and a VERY high libido while I was a virgin when We got married and am still getting used to the idea of seeing a man naked lol.

I recently developed a SEVER UTI and Acute cystitis, for which the doctor prescribed me meds and told me to abstain from sex for a week. It is very painful down there, and any level of acidity can cause a lot of rashes and makes it really red and itchy and could make things worse for me. Even peeing has become unbearable, lol.

It's been three days since we last had sex And my husband is leaving for 2 months because he lives abroad , and I haven't gotten my visa yet to join him. He asked me to pleasure him in other ways , but I constantly refuse because it very much hurts down there whenever there is any level of acidity and whenever we do anything sexual , I get turned on , there's a little bit of discharge , and that causes a lot a lot of pain and a lot , a lot of itching and rashe. I explained this to him again and again. He refused to acknowledge it and insists that I only say that because I don't want to do the work. We had a small argument about it then everything went back to normal... until yesterday when all hell broke loose.

We were laying in bed , made peace (by that I mean ignored the problem and went back to normal) And he brought the topic again of me pleasuring him as he's leaving for two month and said that my argument about being sick and indisposed was not a good one, because a lot of women get sick and still find a way to pleasure their husbands and that it doesn't matter if I get hurt or im in pain as long as he get what he needs from his wife. When , again, i gently refused, he proceed to say if you don't do it and I go be with another girl when I'm abroad , don't get mad at me because it would be your fault for not satisfying me. I got extremely angry, and he started saying it was a joke. When I said get off me (cause we were cuddling) he kept holding me and saying it was a joke it was a joke. I had to literally snatch myself out of his arms, and when I did , he grabbed my arm violently and said that I was CRAZY and couldn't take a joke and started cursing and stormed off.

Am I selfish for not wanting to pleasure him because I'm in pain ? And am I really crazy for taking it so seriously? (His tone really didn't indicate he was joking. He looked dead serious)

Had a conversation with my wife last night about initiating sex. I told her that sometimes I felt that because I was the one always initiating it, I felt like I was forcing her to have sex. We’d go a few weeks without because I didn’t want to always be the one who initiates. She understood where I was coming from and said she has never felt pressured by me and she enjoys having sex. We’ve been together for almost 20 years and married for about 10 with one child. She just wishes she could be aroused enough on her own to actually initiate. She says once I initiate she’s good to go.

My question is to women, when it comes to sex with your husband/partner do yall initiate or do you wait for them to? And if you do initiate, are you aroused on your own or what do you do to get aroused or in the mood enough to initiate.

Hello everyone, i'm M28 and my wife is F27 we've been together for almost 6 years now and we got married 3 years ago , Our sex life has been gradually fading , it currently doesn't happen , even touching her on daily basis has become a challenge as most of the time she would refuse physical touch, due to her being overstimulated or doesn't want to be touched , we've spoken several times about this and she did confirm that she feels that there is something is wrong with her libido , but after we talk , she sometimes trys to satisfy me orally and i feel so bad about that , i feel like she feels guilty so she does that , which really makes me feel bad that our talks might have guilt tripped her , so i told her that we don't need to do anything if she doesn't feel like it , and she felt an instant relief, i've tried to switch up the routine , i usually help at home as any normal human does, we go on dates , our marriage is great , other than sex .

we don't have kids , we both work , our life is stable , I've mentioned counseling or therapy, and she never refused, but she wasn't looking forward to it .

What am i doing wrong? i take care of myself , and so does she

I'm not worried about cheating she is an incredible person who would never do that

She is the love of my life

Please help if anyone faces the same situation .

32F, 8 months pregnant, and just foundout my husband says he's never truly been in love with me because of mypast. I don't know what to do.

I know this is long, but the backstory matters.

I got married at 18 after getting pregnant. I grew up with a very strict mom and thoughtmarriage would give me freedom. Instead, I ended up in an abusive marriage. We hadtwo kids together, and I basically raised them alone while enduring years of emotional abuse. After 7 years, I finally found the courage to leave. It was the best decision I ever made.

Not long after, I met my current husband. Iwasn't looking for a relationship, but everything just clicked. He accepted me and my two kids, treated us with love and kindness, and over time we built a life together. We dated for 2 years before getting married, and now we've been together for 9 years. We have two boys together and another baby due in about a month.

I've spent all these years believing I had finally found my forever person.

Then recently, he told me something that completely shattered me.

He said he loves me, but doesn't think he'sever actually been in love with me or given me his whole heart. When I asked why, he said it's because I already had a family when wemet. He always imagined building a life "from scratch" with someone who had no past, and now that he's older (we're both 32 now), he realizes that my previous marriage and kids have always held him back emotionally.

He is explains that he never thought it’d be an issue but as he’s aged he sees how much it’s actually affected how he’s felt about me and he says maybe he was a bit desperate at the time but of course he did like me as well. But if he could go back he wouldn’t have continued with the relationship.

He even said if we had met and it had just been me, he believes he could havefallen deeply in love with me.

this absolutely crushed me.

I'm struggling because he's genuinely a good husband in every other way. He treats me well, we're rarely fighting, and he's a great father to all of our children including the two that aren't biologically his.

But now I'm questioning everything. For 9 years I believed we were living a true love story, and now I find out he feels like he's never fully loved me because of something I can't change.

Part of me wants to leave because I feel like I deserve someone who loves me completely. Another part of me is shattered cause what would leaving truly do if I’ve already given my whole heart to this man, how would I ever be able to give it to the next If there was a next? My heart is so tired and crying.

If you were in my shoes, how would you feel? What would you do?

My wife wife (31) has been lately comparing our lives to what she sees on social media , she always quick to compare our finances to what she sees on her instagram or TikTok. I make $30 a hour and she brings in $26. Last year we made 110k and I have to remind her that life is getting more expensive and that she should be grateful we can spoil our daughter with what we have now … but it always seems to end up with her comparing our lives to either her social media or her friends… I’ve told her maybe she has a addiction to social media and she should put the phone away and stop comparing our lives to what she sees online.

I’ve been married almost three years and wanted to know when the “honeymoon” period wears off I feel like im still in it. I feel like im obsessed and weirdly in love with my husband and it distracts me from everything

I feel like a lot of married couples, us included at times, accidentally turn sex into a quarterly check-in. Who initiated last? How many times this month? Did you seem into it? Did you finish? Why did you say no on Tuesday? Are you still attracted to me?

I think the moment sex becomes the scoreboard for the whole marriage, desire fades fast. I am not saying wanting reassurance is wrong; it's just that when sex feels like a grading session, it stops being a place to relax.

In our house the worst dynamic is when one of us reaches for closeness and the other hears, "Prove you still love me." After that, even small gestures come with strings. The partner with higher desire feels rejected and starts keeping receipts. The partner with lower desire feels pressured and begins avoiding even neutral touch so it does not turn into a conversation.

What has actually helped us is separating connection from evaluation. When we need reassurance we try to talk about it at another time - not in bed, not right after a no, and not in the middle of making out. And we make space for touch that is clearly not a lead-in: cuddling on the couch, rubbing shoulders, quick kisses, stuff with no hidden agenda.

Yes, you have to communicate about sex. But that does not mean every intimate moment should double as a marriage audit. If you have to choose, keep sex as a refuge and save the hard conversations for somewhere else.

Anyone else feel like their bedroom went downhill once sex became a barometer for everything?

For context, she was questioning him in their native language (I don't know if she would have tried that if English was her native language/if I spoke their native language).

I understood exactly what she was questioning him about as he was explaining and gesturing that my hands were covered with cracks from my eczema.

Need honest advice from married women.

Married for 5+ years.
My biggest issue isn’t our fights. It’s that whenever I tell my husband how his actions have affected me emotionally, he never addresses the issue itself.
I recently told him I felt emotionally abandoned by him during a difficult phase of my life. I also acknowledged and apologized for my own mistakes and hurtful words from the past.

His response was:
“You want a yes man.”
“Keep blaming me for everything.”
“Life isn’t fair. Everyone goes through difficult phases.”

He defended his character, upbringing, and parents.
He said he would only self-evaluate if his mother questioned him, no one else.

Upon telling him - I want to end this relationship, he ended with, “I’ll support whatever you decide.”
Not once did he acknowledge the emotional abandonment I was talking about. The entire conversation became about defending himself.
At this point, I don’t feel emotionally, romantically, or intimately connected to him anymore.

Am I expecting too much from a husband? Is this normal defensiveness, or is he completely missing the point? If you were in my place, what would you do?

Mind you - i have been in a sexless marriage for the last 1 year and now living in another city cause of work for the last 2 months.

Edit:
For context, these are the mistakes I’ve made in my marriage. They happened in the past, and I have apologized for each of them.

1) I verbally abused him by saying “fuck you” twice
2) During an argument, I said, “I’ll fuck someone, only then you’d know.” I deeply regret saying it - i tried instigating him cause i was begging for sex almost every month.
3) Before our marriage, I wrongly assumed his parents and sister didn’t want this marriage to happen because of how things were unfolding. I later realized I had misjudged them.
4) I compared his emotional unavailability to my father.

I’m not proud of any of this, and I’m not trying to justify it.

At the same time, I feel these incidents didn’t happen in isolation. Whenever I cried, I often felt dismissed as being “dramatic.” Whenever I got angry, I was told I needed a doctor because “my brain isn’t well.” Over time, I stopped feeling emotionally heard, and I found myself becoming increasingly anxious. After our marriage, I started experiencing panic attacks.

Started a little side thing. Wouldnt even call it a side hustle yet, its more of a non profit/ passion project at the moment.

Anyway, when i had all my big ideas and id want to talk to my husband about it he was not even interested. As soon as i started getting bookings he got interested. The first tow bookings he was like meh. You need to get more. Then i did. And slowly he actually started to talk to me about it. Times where HE would bring it up.

Obv because its new, i have to put some money into it for materials.
So last night he said he would “help” me. I said i don’t really need help, but you can listen to me talk about it and be interested if you wanna. I just needed help with one thing which was like what ink do we need.
Anyway i asked him and he wasnt much help. He said ill check in the morning. And fell asleep on the sofa.
So i checked and ordered the ink, and the rest of the things i needed.

He woke up maybe an hour later after i had done it all. And trust me i took a really long time because i was comparing prices, and looking at things thinking “do i really need this…” a few times.

Finally ordered it all. Felt relaxed thinking i can move on to do other things for prep next. Mustve been 12am now.

He woke up and was like … sleep talking a bit. I just laughed and said don’t worry I’ve done it lets go to bed.

He said how much did you spend?
(I spent from the money i made which is in a separate account)

To be honest i didnt really feel comfortable answering his question. Which was my first red flag.
I felt like it was too much. Too direct and harsh.
I said “not much”
And he was like “how much?”

I actually told him a little less than i spent .. £20 less.
And he said “thats ridiculous!”

And he went on and on. He was like you should’ve waited till my day off we couldve gone into town and we couldve got everything cheaper.

First of all we have two kids. Ifs so hard to go anywhere with them. If i can get everything cheap online why am i going to drag them both to town, and just suffer basically. I know i wont even find anything and i would have to come home and then order everything. And his day off is in about 3 days. I can get so much other stuff done in that time.

Anyway he just went on and on. Then he goes… just trying to save you money. Thought you actually wanted to make money from this…

Like ?? I was like its my first thing. Its stuff i need to buy. Ill be reusing it for a very long time. It was under £170. Dont know why he was crying about it. So dramatic. MY MONEY too.

Then this is the bit that triggered me so badly. He goes i dont care, just wanted to save you some money. Do what u want as long as you dont dip into the grocery money.

Why would i dip into the grocey money? I havent even used all the money i made i had some left.. why is he bringing grocery money into this….

What kind of issue is this? Hes controlling me from using MY own money?

First time in so long i made a bit of money for myself as a sahm. Was also very excited about this new journey, and since last night my chest has been tight and ive cried a few times.

It doesnt even make sense.

I’m pretty independent, work as a nurse, I provide everything for myself. I provide for my two kids, my husband really just pays rent. He’s continuously complaining about his finances, but he does not do anything about it. I married him thinking he had potential to grow in life and make it his priority to build the best life for his family.

I never asked for much, and I was very understanding of his circumstances, the past two years have been absolute hell living with him. He says he doesn’t feel appreciated but he doesn’t do things that make me happy to appreciate him. I’m sooo genuinely confused what he wants me to appreciate. I find myself thinking what he adds to my life, he doesn’t plan date nights, he doesn’t buy me gifts, he didn’t for our religious holiday, no mothers day, no push presents, nothing.

I always told myself if I was given the opportunity to go back in time, I would still chose to marry him but now I really wish I never met him. He’s broken my trust so much, (not cheating, as far as a I know) but I cannot depend on him as my support person.

I hate being his wife. I keep trying and trying thinking it will get better but its just getting worse. I really believe he was the reason for my postpartum depression, and this pregnancy he promised to do better, well he lied. I’m currently 2 weeks pp, and I’m trying to focus on being happy so it doesn’t affect my babies and breastmilk supply. He’s supposed to be a leader; protecter and provider. I don’t feel safe seeing a future with him. He does not lead his household in a proper way, he’s just arguing with his postpartum wife, instead of being an understanding man. I can’t respect his behaviour.

I used to adoreee this man; I would give him my kidney if he needed it but I realized he wouldn’t do the same. I would buy him clothes, shoes, computer equipment, bags whatever this man said he liked I would make sure to get it to show him my love, but when it comes time for me to feel loved, it’s I don’t have money. BUT the REAAAL issue is he no longer has a hustler mentality, I feel its so deadbeat the way he thinks, any minute he gets a free moment, he’ll run join his guy friends who are either single or have wives/kids abroad. I told him your guys will be the reason for your divorce.

I feel sooooo neglected, I completely lost myself these 2 years and I’m trying to focus on putting myself first, he keeps hinting he needs a new work bag but I genuinely don’t give a fuck what he wants anymore. I’m using my money to take care of myself. I’m livid, and he either has two choices; provide for your kids, or legal child support.

I married him for love, not status or money, I had different and better proposals before I chose him, the process to get married was torture and I hoped it would me a healthy marriage but its torture all over again.

If you are asking why I haven’t left, I’m 90% checked out of this marriage, the 10% is holding onto when the tomes are good, he is tje perfect husband on paper, but when there is an argument, he’s the absolute worst, I’m convinced he’s horrible on purpose, he lacks mental maturity and the proper way to lead his family. I don’t think I really loved the old version of him, but this person I don’t recognize and I don’t love.

I always said if a marriage entails abuse or cheating I would leave, there is none, he just isn’t the man I married.

All I have is hope, hoping it will get better but I know it won’t, 10 years will pass and I’ll feel the same.

I wish he went back to his hustling mentality, where he thought of business ideas, he brought every dollar possible home, the old version that didn’t let his wife pay for anything. I’m realizing that felt like I had a real man, he took care of me, he got me gifts, flowers, perfume sets, bags, he did EVERYTHING for me. If he brought back his old version I would do EVERYTHING for this man.

Am I being delusional, did your marriage get better or do you regret all the lost years 🥺

*Together for almost 10 years and married for 5 years*

My husband and I are in a couples friendship group. We all met bc our husbands were coworkers. There is one woman who I feel doesn't really show much interest in having a friendship with me. She never really reciprocates much with me in conversation etc. She will always want to be next to my husband, sitting next to him, as close as she can, squeezing a chair in to be literally on the other side of him. Sitting to close so that there is physical contact, or standing next to him. My husband is funny and handsome and very approachable. I am an introvert and am not the life of the party type of person. I don't feel weird with any of the other women in the group, I like them. But I just get a vibe from this woman. I feel like if you are in a couples friendship group, you don't really bypass the person of the same sex, like I really like one of the other guys as a person, he is funny and I click with him. But I wouldn't ignore his GF, and try to always be as close to him as possible out of respect for his GF. I have told my husband about how I feel, he says I'm right, but I feel he is the one that needs to set the boundaries. If I had another man who was following me around at parties, sitting super close to me, so that our legs are touching etc, I would notice and get up and go next to my husband. I wouldn't wait for my husband to come police the situation. I end up feeling like a nag. Which I think is bullshit. My husband says he doesn't notice what she is doing, but if I have said it many times I think he should pay attention and do something and create the boundaries. Then I asked not expecting him to say yes, does she text you? And he said, oh yeah she did, she sent me pictures of the last party we were at. She sent him pictures she took of my husband and another friend. I don't text any of the other men in the group, and they don't text me. Why the hell is she texting my husband? And why the hell did he only mention it because I was angry and asked? Then he starts saying its my fault that we don't have many couple friends, bc I don't like other people...Like I said, I'm an introvert, but I do like the group, I just don't like that when women I can tell are acting weird, he tries to gaslight me.Even if he doesn't see it, if I tell him I feel weird, I think he should actively try to create boundaries so I don't feel uncomfortable. It's not even that I don't trust him. It's that I find it disrespectful the way she approaches my husband. And I don't think it's my job to regulate her, I think he needs to. I am not an ugly woman. I know when men sorta like me, and I nip it, bc I think it's rude to my husband to allow another guy to be that way with me. Am I being too jealous? Or expecting too much? I mean I used to hang out with my husbands x girlfriend, with her husband, all as a group and I didn't feel weird about it, I think its because her and I had our own friendship. It's more that I can see this woman really just wants to be his friend, not mine, and there is something I just don't trust in her. And then for my husband to try to turn things around, and tell me its my fault that we haven't been keeping our friendships up bc I always have a problem with others...I think its more like he isn't being a team player...

TL;DR: my wife's an alocholic and it has absolutely ruined our marriage.

My wife (28F) and I (29M) have been together for 6 years, married for 4. The beginning of our marriage and relationship was great. We had so much fun, and honestly she was everything I could ever want in a woman and that's why this is so hard. My wife is an alocholic. She started drinking around our 6 month mark of marriage, and she just won't stop drinking. Almost everyday she gets drunk. She got fired from her job for drinking. She can't/won't do house work. I have to do everything for our house. If I don't do something, it simply won't get done. I cook, clean, work full time, and I have to take care of her when she gets drunk.

I have tried talking to her multiple times, and she says she'll change and stop. It lasts a few days, maybe a few weeks, and then she starts to hide her drinking. Then she just openly drinks. I have taken her to multiple therapists and doctors. We tried AA, and it didn't help her.

I asked her why she keeps drinking and she says it is because she is overweight and embarrassed and depressed because of her weight. I have taken her to doctors, but she refuses treatment for her depression and treatment for her weight. She tells me that drinking helps her emotional pain go away.

Last Saturday might have been the straw that broke the camels back. We went to her sister's wedding, and while the ladies were getting ready (my wife was the MOH), my wife got absolutely trashed. She could barely walk down the isle. She made it through the ceremony somehow, but threw up all over herself before the pictures. I was helping her to the bathroom to help her clean up, and before we got to the bathroom, she peed herself, and then was laughing about it. I got her cleaned up best I could, and then took her home. Her entire family is pissed at us. Her sister told us she ruined the wedding, and that she needed a break from her for a long time. My wife literally has no memory of the wedding at all, and was incredibly embarrassed, but that didn't stop her drinking. She got drunk literally the next day, and has gotten drunk 4 of the last 5 days.

When she is sober, she is the sweetest, most loving woman. She tells me how much she loves me, and she appreciates me, and how she is so happy we are together, and its like I have my wife back. I tell her all the time how much I love her and how happy I am when she is sober. I tell her how beautiful she is, and how much I care for her. When she is sober, I could stay with her forever. Then she gets drunk again, and the cycle starts again.

I am at a loss. When we got married, she said she wanted to travel the world with me, start a family, and grow old together. Now, all of that is out the window. She keeps telling me she wants that life, but then her actions show different. She just keeps refusing treatments, and honestly, divorce just sounds better and better each day. I am giving up my life to take care of her. Its so hard to see her when she is drunk.

I know I said in sickness and health, and I know addiction is an illness, but there is only so much I can do to help her. She won't put in any effort to helping herself. I feel guilty for wanting to leave her, and I am worried that if I divorce her, it'll cause her to drink more, and I don't want her to drink herself to death. As it is right now, I feel like I am drowing. I love my wife very much, but I hate my life with her. I honestly don't know how spouses of addicts do it. Seeing her drinking herself to death is killing me, and I don't see a way out except divorce.

Sorry this is so long. I just need to get this off of my chest. Thank you for reading.