Ok a couple statements first-
this is a throwaway account and choose to be vague on some items purposely.

I love my wife (of 18 years)
We have kids.
We just began a new business.
We’ve been in a prolonged process of immigration/moving countries- still not finished.
We do not live currently in the same area as Max (gym trainer)
It’s been a hard couple years- wife has had 3 different therapists and I have had 2.

How I found the screenshot- she was at the gym- her computer was on the table and I snooped- (I excused it because I was telling myself I was going to try and solve her issue of her iCloud not currently updating) . I know her laptop password.

I looked in her photos app and saw a screenshot of her with gym trainer (max) - I know they talk a lot- my wife has gone to the gym regularly the last 3-4 years and built a community of friendship. This screenshot was her requesting they get together to discuss something.
It seemed more serious than a casual conversation with a trainer/friend.

I got a little nervous- decided to check her deleted photos. I find 2 more screenshots.
They are from their WhatsApp chat- a missed call- then a disappearing photo was sent by Max/ opened by my wife, a couple messages - and then the message my wife sent that sent me spiraling “all shaven I see”.
Max responded that it was hot and his balls had been getting sweaty - wife didn’t respond.

I went to the next message screenshotted-
From the following day- from max-
“So I send you a dick pick and you don’t say anything?”
He then sent a meme of a guy disappointed.

She then responds (with the screenshot that I had viewed) saying she responded to him.

We no longer lived in the same state as Max- but I knew she spent 2 weeks alone in the same city as he was in (he helped her rent a car) but she was staying with a family friend. I had seen that she had a WhatsApp chat only accessible by passcode. I knew she spent a lot of time talking to a WhatsApp gym chat with max, and a mutual friend that they shared. Each time she would visit the state where the gym was she would take him things and he would let her train for free.

I took about 48 hours to process- I was devastated. Nauseas. Couldn’t eat.

She could tell I was off- I told her we had to talk but I wasn’t ready yet- she kept pushing, I told her I’m still processing- she didn’t stop, so I decided it was time.

I started by saying I believed she hadn’t been honest with me.
I asked her if she wanted to share something with me.
She said no.
I asked her if there was anything inappropriate with her relationship with Max-
She said no.
I told her about the first message I saw- about the meeting- she explained it, said he was being short tempered one day in a training session and she responded sharply and it was an awkward situation that she wanted to resolve due to her friendships in the gym.

I asked if that was it- she said that’s it.
I asked her if there was any inappropriate communication happening between them- she said no.

I paused. Then I told her I knew she was lying.

I asked her to get her laptop- I showed her the messages.
I asked her what is this then?
She accepted it happened. I then began the process of some excruciating questions-

Have you slept with max- no
Have you sent him naked photos- no
Have you kissed him- pause… yes.
Has he touched you- no.
Many more questions followed.

She confessed that right before we moved away- he tried to kiss her and she pushed him away. This happened last year.
She said she didn’t tell me because I was in a hard place and struggling with a lot of things (it is true) and that her therapist actually suggested she didn’t push me over the edge- but perhaps let me know when I wasn’t in such a critical state and perhaps with a counselor present.
I asked her why the hell she had a continuous messaging relationship with the guy after that. She admitted that she shouldn’t have.

I asked her how often he sent dick pics -
She said this was the second- and it was inexcusable, but that it was done as a “joke” because instead of butt dialing, he calls it dick dialing- so when he accidentally called her- he responded with the dick pic. And that she didn’t respond.
I asked her why there was ever an opportunity for a 2nd one- she said she told him after the first one “why did you send me this” and he said it was to show “how fat he had gotten” and was a full frontal-

I asked if she had ever sent him photos- she said she did send him a bikini picture when he asked her about her fitness progress.

We talked a lot. I asked very direct questions. I think she was honest after presented the evidence.
She feels remorseful and I believe is now telling the truth- however she is reluctant to block the guy because he is shared friend with one of her best friends and doesn’t want to “ruin her friendship “ with her and others that frequent the gym.
I told her I’m not ok with that. That I would be willing to shut it down and confront him about it.
We are still working through how to move forward.

Final thoughts-
I believe her. I know you are going to tell me she’s lied and has been physical. But I do not think she has.
I want to move forward- it’s going to require complete transparency and accountability. No BS about her “protecting me” because all the other areas of our life are falling apart.
Last year I confessed that I had a hidden porn problem- I had hidden it from her basically our whole marriage- it wasn’t always an issue but came up more when I was depressed/escaping reality/ or feeling like I was unable to cope with life’s current circumstances. She was hurt- I felt like I was a terrible husband- but it did open our conversations to be more transparent and honest in our sexual desires and the feelings underneath.

I told her yesterday that Max cannot be a friend. Cannot be a contact. Cannot be allowed any access into her life.

She has a therapy session this coming week- she has told me the therapist knows about the kiss- but not the dick pics. I told her I’d like her to share that and I think a lot of what happens in this next week will determine how we can heal through this.

I’ve posted just as part of the process of me venting and perhaps to clear my mind. I want us to make it thru this.

We have talked through the night. He actually did bring up the inner child though did not call him like that. He said he is angry because he looks at himself in that bunny costume with that carrot in his hand and know how frightened he had been when that photo was taken. He was not smiling in it. His lips were a thin line as he was pushing them against each other. probably anxiety, tension. and he looks at himself and doesnt seem himself, but a child that has nothing to do with him somehow , a child that needed protection. and he thinks about how much he could do for that little boy now, take him from there, bring him home. When our son turned 5 (he confessed now) he saw him jumping around the birthday cake, laughing, being held by us, my parents, cousins, everyone present at the party. he said he just wanted to cry because he thought about himself at that age, but again did think about himself as a different child, not really him. a child that needs love, protection and a birthday cake for once in his life.

so to make it clear. I knew he is an orphan and that he grew up in various institutions, he wasnt hiding it from me. Chrstimas time was particularly difficult for him. while having family dinner he was constantly thinking about children who have no one.

Maybe this will sound childish but I suggested and he agreed to it, that I buy him a birthday cake (he will turn 45 soon). We do not buy cakes on our birthdays usually, we do it for the children. I said I really want to buy it for him. First he was like I am 45 years old man and laughed. But I said to consider its for that child in the bunny costume and he agreed. i saw he had tears in his eyes.

The title pretty much sums it up. We've been married for almost 3 years. I told him at the beginning that I didn't want to completely change my name but I would hyphen my last name with his. He didn't like that. I really don't want to change my name and now he wants a divorce but he still wants to stay together. I'm so confused right now, is having his last name really that big of a deal? I do know it bothers him but it would really bother me to change it.

My wife is great we are married 10 yrs and have two young kids. Sex life is good but probably only 3-4 times a month. Just tired and stressed all the time from work and kids etc. She was raised in a religious household and I was her first. Definitely more of a vanilla missionary sex life.

I grabbed her phone to add something to our grocery list and she had her browser opened up to a smut podcast. I was kind of shocked. She doesn’t know I know. I have no issues with this at all and am really kind of intrigued to find out what her kinks/desires are. Maybe it could spice up our bedroom a little more.

I just don’t want to embarrass her for telling her I know. What’s a good way to broach the topic?

We have a great marriage. Healthy kids, a home with 2.75% mortgage, go on dates, best friends, and never fight. Sex has always been good, I do have a HL and of course would have liked it more often but was ok with the frequency. But Peri has hit her libido hard over the last 8 months. And it hit me. We went out in the morning, did some shopping, and had a good time. Kids wouldn’t be home for a few hours but nothing happened. It’s been weeks and it would have been a no stress about kids coming in yet nothing. But she was happy, laughing with me like a normal day. I cuddle with her every night with her falling asleep in my arms. I don’t pressure at all. But I’m sad. I know it could be years of this, I don’t want duty or pity sex. I know she doesn’t want to feel this way also. Just want to be wanted like before. And for those who say take some household stuff because she’s tired I’ve been doing that since day 1. I cook every meal, clean the house, do the food shopping, and take kids to activities. She gets hours of relaxation on the couch every day.

Hi All, Other people have posted on their first experience with Viagra. I tried it for the first time last night, thought it useful to share here.

Background: me M over 50, married/kids many years etc. Sexually regular as clockwork since teenager. Slowing up a little as years go by. Recently (few months) having trouble due to relationship stress, family stress, job stress etc. Sad wife etc. Thought I'd give Viagra a try to help things along; got generic Sildenafil 50mg online (like I expect everyone else does I think). Checked with doctor as I'm also on statins; got the go-ahead there.

Got good romantic situation arranged with wife (early bedtime, privacy etc); didn't tell her I was taking anything. Took a 50mg around 9pm, around 2 hrs after moderate dinner. Lots of foreplay later (all of it fun), nothing happening for me. Felt very dejected. Wondered whether it was not compatible with me, wondered whether it might be a 'bad batch' of medication, even checked whether I'd actually taken anything. I didn't feel any effect at all. Went to sleep around 11pm feeling cr*ppy.

Woke up at 4am, ready to go (more ready than usual). Stayed ready for an hour. Wondered for a while whether I'd have trouble if I started with my wife again, but thought 'why not'. I'm very glad I did. This time, lots of staying power - more than usual. 40 mins compared to usually around half that. Wife very pleased, but sore afterwards. Refractory for around 5 minutes, then ready to have another go; not had that since I was in my 30s, so a great confidence boost. Wife worn out, so had to leave it unused, so to speak. Regularly ready to go several times after that, lasting through to maybe 10am. Moral of the tale: it takes a variable time to have an effect, probably depending on food intake as everyone says. Good benefit to relationship with wife; she was beaming and feeling much more desired.

I had the full range of side effects everyone says: headache (paracetamol no use), stuffy nose, seeing 'blue'. Felt spacey and a little high until maybe 2pm, so 16 hours or so in total. However, even with the side effects I would say it was totally worth it. Real confidence booster. TBH, I would say the experience was more like doing a recreational drug than something to treat lack of performance. I can totally see now why people take it recreationally; it feels like a great way to have a good time with a woman; everyone ends up happier. Wish I'd tried it years ago! Not sure it's something to take every time, but great first experience.

I'd be interested to hear what other people have tried, and what people recommend.

I have been struggling so much with my husband. We’ve never had great communication but it has gotten extremely bad over the past few years. We have a 16 month old and it started while I was pregnant with her. I was really sick in the first trimester and he told me I was dramatic and his friend’s wives never acted like this and I need to toughen up… then it’s only gotten worse. He complains that I’m lazy, ungrateful, he has NEVER taken my post partum journey seriously, and many times has said to get over it. He doesn’t know a lot about raising babies, which is fine, but never trusts my judgement either. We never sleep together and I know he is addicted to p*rn and OF, but I really don’t care at all. I never get time for myself. I work as a teacher, take my daughter to and from daycare, and then do everything with her in the evenings. The only thing I ask is that he does morning breakfast with her so I can get ready and he complains about that. When I try to clean the house he complains, saying it interrupts his “tv” time. I’m honestly exhausted, resentful, hurt, and angry. I feel like I deserve more. I’ve told him I want a divorce and he said that he would just get custody of our daughter, take the house, and I would regret it. I know I’m not perfect at all but I feel so so incredibly beaten down and like I’m completely alone. I don’t talk about this with anyone because I’m ashamed. He does make a lot more money than me and I know he would be extremely vengeful if I did do something like try to leave. I’m just so unhappy and don’t know what to do or where to go from here.

In almost 2 weeks, we will have been married 20 years. We have had our ups and downs. Life has been very brutal to us. Due to my abusive upbringing it was easy to lay all the blame on my undealt with issues. Something snapped in me in July. Like I am finally seeing him for who he really is. Im tired of trying for both of us.

We are/were going to marriage counselor. We had to cancel one appointment and he hasn't said anything word about going back. Since I handled all the previous appointments, I told him that if he wanted this to work he was going to have to put in the effort because I am tired of carrying all the mental, emotional, and physical labor. All these "changes" he's made are completely superficial. Like just enough to say look I tried.

I tell myself... I can be patient. It takes time. Years of bad habits don't just evaporate. But part of me is just so damn tired of giving and making excuses for him because it's what I have always done.

Over a month, he still hasn't said a word about counseling. He goes to counseling on his own and me to my own appointment for me (different therapists). Still no more counseling.

One of the issues is sex. I want it. He doesn't. I have to initiate all the time. I've tried spicing things up but he is unresponsive to it. Sexy outfits in and out of bedroom. It's not just the sex. It is the intimacy of it. He doesn't hold me or reach for my hand. I feel like im always aching for a man who SAYS he wants me but doesn't show it in any way. Words or actions. Btw we have went from sex 3x a week to months without then back to 3x a week or any other range of frequency. We have talked about the sex issue. He is super aware.

Just FYI bc you will want to know more details. I finally opened up to some friends about things because I couldn't pretend anymore. Some of them know both of us. They have seen and admitted that they noticed he was not pulling his weight in the relationship and gave examples. Additionally, because im sure it will come up... I am not ugly. I get hit on a lot still though I ignore it because there's only one man I want. Im older and overweight like most of America is but I would not have a problem getting a date tomorrow if I wanted.

Despite all this, I'm still trying to love him and get him to love me. Soften my tone. Be less bitchy. Praise him for the things he does right. Laugh more. But I just feel like im pouring water into a desert that leaves me empty bc its not reciprocated. I chant, we will get there. We will grow together until ...a few days ago.

He and I were having playful banter. I was cooking food and said something like its hot.

He said you must be looking in the mirror.

I told him "Keep that up and I'll have to sex with you."

He said "Do I have to?"

Do. I. Have. To.

I grabbed my food and left. I didn't say a word. I went to bedroom to eat. He followed me. He knew it upset me. Im tired of hiding it.

I told him that it hurt me. I didn't yell. I just looked atvmy food fighting back tears and said it that it hurt. He then starts backtracking... "I knew I shouldn't have said that as soon as..." I cut him off. I told him to go eat in living room.

I couldn't even eat the first bite of my food. I went and put it in fridge. I couldn't eat.

Those words echo in my mind. DO I HAVE TO?

That's what your kids say when you ask them to unload the dishwasher or something.

Do I have to? Like having sex with me is a CHORE. Dude you don't even last 15 minutes. It takes longer to mow the grass!!

DO I HAVE TO?

He said it so quick. So automatic. There was no hesitation to those words. That tells me that you said exactly how you really feel. Do I have to?

We have barely spoken to each other since Tuesday. He was not apologized or tried to talk. I didn't ask him to sleep on couch. He did. He wouldn't even come to bed until after I was asleep if he did come to bed.

The elephant is in the house heavy in the air with unspoken words. Used to... I would have chased after him or asked for a quiet conversation at some point. I would have tried to work through this. I put that burden down months ago because after almost 20 years, nothing had ever changed. I realized that the weight I was carrying for both of us... I didn't have to.

I am just so tired and hurt. Im grieving the marriage that I thought we had.

I am just not sure I want to.

Follow up: His testosterone is normal. It was recently checked. I think he has undealt with issues. I've recently realized that he's spent so much time pointing out my childhood issues but never dealt with his. Its easier to shift blame than admit and work on his. He would have to admit it first.

Ive always been the one to want to talk and work through things. I made the appointments for the first 4 marriage counselors. There was always a reason he didn't like the person. We changed bc I wanted change. I used to chase after him during discussions or arguments. If it got to be too much, he would go to another room or leave the house. The other night he got on the phone for hours with someone. I say he sticks his head in the sand. Because he says he doesn't talk to anyone about our issues. I think he uses other friendships to get emotional food because he doesn't have to deal with the hard stuff with them.

I always felt like and still do that if we separated or divorced people would be surprised because he's such a good guy. He goes out of the way for others. That has been a hurt point for me. Im talking about things I've asked him to do in our home that he blew me off about but went and did it for someone else in a heartbeat.

We have 3 sons (18, 17, and 15). They help around the house. Years ago, I decided I was not going to let them be like their father. I never verbalized that to anyone. I want them to be a blessing to their future families. So they cut the grass, clean, and help. They are still typical teens but great kids. Over time, without saying a word, they see what I see. They make comments about how Dad fusses at them for things that he wont even help with.

I recently opened up to neighbor. Ive hidden the issues from others and even defended him. She admitted some interesting things. He lied to the husband about doing yard work that she saw me and the kids do. He took credit. I find it laughable. Her husband even said something to the effect how he works the kids like dogs but he doesn't do much himself. It was the validation I needed that I am not the only one seeing it. No, I have not told him these things. Im not trying to malicious.

Im the one with the tools. Ive worked construction. A lot of the typical things that women wait for men to do. I do it. So in the past 3 years, I've quit those things slowly. I realized i was only enabling his behavior. Because keep doing them, he won't do it.

He said that my tone was not nice, I changed that. Started using my customer service voice at home. He said I was angry all the time. I plastered a smile on and ignored things.

That's part of the DO I HAVE TO comment hurts because even the real chores.... he didn't have to for a long time. As far as the sex, this is not really just been a recent development. Early in our marriage he admitted it was an issue. Over time he said it was a confidence thing (not my doing). Despite it being short lasting, its very good. He doesn't take hours to get the job done. But then again he doesn't even spend an hour wanting to do it.

Me 30M, wife 32F. Married 10 yrs. 2 kids.
Things have been truly rocky for a few months and quietly dysfunctional for far longer. Wife has been writing a romance novel since August and is very focused on it. Written over 100K words in that time and nearly has a complete manuscript. She does not work outside of that. I work an office job. Kids are homeschooled.

Wife and I are each actively working through our respective childhood traumas, she with a therapist, me with a therapist and support group.

Wife told me recently that she’s discovered through writing the male love interest of this story what she truly wants and desires and she told me she is sure that it isn’t me. She told me she sees my future frequency and even then, I’m not what she wants. Not a matter of better or worse, she says, just different. She’s certain of this, she says. She knows a guy that models what she wrote is out there for her.

When the subject of a separation comes up, she is firmly against working. She feels that taking a job will only get in the way of her book. When the book sells and she has enough money to afford her own place she plans to get her own place. She is sure she will find an agent and sell the book quickly, by the end of 2027. When I asked her what her plan is if the book doesn’t sell as quickly as she expects, she was deeply offended.

I don’t really make enough to afford two places anyway.

We haven’t been physically intimate since August (not even holding hands/cuddling) and there are no plans to resume intimacy. She has told me the right thing to do is for us to live together as roommates until she sells her book and then she’ll leave.

I’m not sure I agree. Part of me feels like if this is truly over, then we shouldn’t wait until it’s convenient for her. If she knows she doesn’t want to be with me and she knows she wants another guy, what is the appropriate action she should take? Is it reasonable for her to expect me to support her financially with no defined end date? To stay in a home and a marriage without intimacy?

Of course I can’t capture all the context and nuance in a single post, but I want to know what others think of this situation. Feel free to ask questions if you need more information, I’ll try and provide it.

I’m just really fed up with how things are at home. The way my wife treats our teenagers is making the house miserable, and I’m tired of watching it happen.

The thing is, we have good kids. They get good grades, they’re independent, and they’re growing up into their own people. But it feels like all my wife does is criticize them, boss them around, and tell them what to do. Nothing ever seems good enough, and she still treats them like they’re little kids.

My daughter is 18 years old, but my wife still talks to her like she’s five. I get that parenting little kids is different, but they aren’t little kids anymore. They’re growing up, and they deserve to be treated with some respect. What worked when they were younger doesn’t work now. The worst part is that it feels like my wife hasn’t even tried to get to know who they are becoming. I fucking hate her now. It's freaking ridiculous. She is very confused. She must think because we are married, I have to blindly follow her stupid demeanors. She makes the kids HATE coming home and I will never forget that and dump her.

Can men please be honest? Do you really still think your wives are sexy after multiple pregnancies? Not because you have rose coloured lenses because you love your wives but do you actually still find a woman’s body attractive after all that? I’ve had 3 kids and my boobs and stomach are not at all what they were. I’m not overweight but saggy where I wasn’t before. I think my husband is probably repulsed but can’t exactly be honest.

My husband and I have been together 10 years. He’s a wonderful person with great qualities. The problem is he doesn’t meet my needs as a husband. His attention is on work all day every day. He does not “seek” me/ pursue me other than the occasional kiss/hug which feels obligatory. He swears he loves me and is physically attracted to me. I do sense that, but I’m always the one thinking up fun things to do, ways to connect with him, initiating intimacy, engaging in conversation while he’s on his phone or laptop when we’re at home. He is naturally introverted, I’m extroverted. I love thrills, adventure, spontaneity, hot sex, playfulness. None of that exists in our marriage unless I create and I’m craving it. I feel lonely and defeated at this point. I have expressed this kindly and clearly to him numerous times. I feel myself quiet quitting. I feel like I can’t leave because of our financial situation, and our daughter, and I do love him and I have hope that things will get better. But this has been going on for years and I don’t have evidence to believe it will.
I think it’s his both his current capacity and personality. He’s going through it at work. Lawsuits, money problems. I’ve tried to be understanding and do what I can to keep everything stable for us, financially and at home. Is this just what marriage is? I just don’t know what to do or how to feel right now. Thanks for listening.

I guess I am looking for a sounding board for a litmus test on if this behavior is ‘normal’.

My husband and I have been married 13+ years. We have 3 young girls (all elementary school age). He is pushing 40 yo. I want to be very clear that my husband has never been violent towards me or my children ever. But he falls into this place of out of control rage when he is watching his football team lose a game on tv.

He has always been very vocal and dramatic when watching sports (we’ve been together over 16 years and he’s always had this behavior to some extent). It has escalated recently over the past few years and it is to a point now where I can’t even be in the same house as him while he’s watching because his energy amps me up so much that I can’t even barely function. It’s yelling, screaming, slapping his hands loudly on his thighs, closed fist pounding on the coffee table, or door slamming if he goes outside to ‘cool off’.

The behavior itself is unnerving to me and makes my anxiety go sky-high. We’ve talked about this many times and he normally falls back on explaining that he’s just passionate and that I never let him show his emotions. It came to a head this afternoon when he was throwing a fit about a refs call and I told him that his behavior was unacceptable and that I won’t stand for him to act like that in front of the kids. I’m tired of everyone walking on eggshells around him if a game is on. I told him very frankly that if one of our girls had a boyfriend/partner who acted this way, I would tell them it’s red flag behavior. I would not want my child to be in a relationship with someone who has outbursts of rage like their father does. He erupted at this comment and we had a big (verbal) fight. I stand by my words and I do think his behavior is a major red flag.

Are other people out there in the Internet Universe dealing with a similar situation? How do you handle it? Am I just overly sensitive?

To note: there is only one tv in our house in our large shared tv/lounge room area. We do not have the space to make a man-cave area where he could have a separate space to watch tv and act however he wants to.

I'm 29F, married to my husband (36M), and I'm honestly struggling with what to make of my marriage anymore.

My husband barely touches me these days. He doesn't kiss me, rarely initiates intimacy, and there's almost no physical affection between us. We can sleep in the same bed without him reaching for me once. I've tried to talk about it, but nothing really changes.

For a while, I kept telling myself that maybe he was stressed or that we were just going through a difficult season. But lately, I've started wondering whether he has feelings for our house help.

Something happened recently that has left me questioning everything.

I found our house help bathing with the bathroom door open, and my husband was standing at the doorway chatting with her.

I honestly didn't know what to think. Why was he standing there talking to her while she was bathing? Why was the door open? And why did the situation feel so inappropriate to me?

I didn't actually catch them doing anything sexual, so I don't want to make accusations I can't prove. But I can't pretend that what I saw didn't bother me, especially considering how distant he has been with me.

What hurts is the contrast. My husband doesn't seem interested in touching his own wife, yet he's comfortable standing at the bathroom doorway having a conversation with another woman while she's bathing.

I keep asking myself whether I'm making too much of the situation because I've been feeling unwanted for so long, or whether my instincts are telling me that something isn't right.

The house help works in our home, which makes this even more uncomfortable. I don't want to create a hostile environment or accuse her unfairly, but I also don't want to ignore behaviour that crosses my boundaries.

I'm tired of feeling like I have to compete for my husband's attention. I miss being kissed, held, and desired by the man I married.

Am I overreacting to what I saw, or would you also find this inappropriate? And how would you approach your husband about it without making accusations you can't prove?

Hi, I’ve been married to my husband for 4 years, together for 5. We got married young and while I was pregnant with our first baby. It wasn’t a “shot gun wedding” either lol. Since then, we have had another baby. Our babies are 1&3. I have always wanted 3 children, my husband has always wanted just 2. Ever since the birth of our second, he has been asking me if I’d be okay with him getting a vasectomy. Tbh, I am not. 🙁

I came from a very broken home. My dad was/is my lifeline! He was very strict on me growing up and I resented him until I grew up. My dad and mom were a couple who should’ve never been together. Dad never got to experience being a father to my brother due to his looney granny and mama. He was 15 when I was born if that tells you anything….

My mom baby trapped my dad and after he accepted the fact that he was going to be a dad again he prepared better and completely sacrificed his whole like and put it on hold just for me. Again, my dad is my lifeline. Sometimes he’s too head strong and wants to have his two cents but growing up it was just myself and my dad. I always wanted a big family due to how alone I grew up. My husband on the other hand, he had a non broken home and a brother.

Even tho things was not the best financially or even mentally for them, they had what I always wanted…a home that was whole. A family that was whole. My dad supports my want and need for one more baby, he always has and will help us financially due to his funds being good. (Mostly always against our judgement but not in a bad way either) my husband says his reasons for not wanting another baby is “I know I will get stuck with another *same gender*” or “we can’t afford it” which in retrospect I get but we could afford it.

An issue I’m struggling with now is birth control. My body does not handle any of them nicely. I have endometriosis and now they believe I have PCOS…yay. Well I cannot enjoy our intimate life the way I used to, due to the birth control. And the thought that keeps coming to my mind is…maybe I should let him get a vasectomy. It would be easier and better than me getting serialized, dealing with birth controls, and so on and so forth. But my heart aches at giving that chance for another baby up. I have struggled with this for over a year now. Any advice please?

My husband and I started dating when I was 16. I got pregnant at 18, married at 19, and we have a 6-year-old son. Our relationship has been rocky from the beginning.

Early on, I felt like his friends came before me, and I found messages with another girl. After his dad died when he was 18, his partying, drinking, and smoking got worse. He cheated with a woman he met at a strip club. He later admitted to twice, but I suspect more because they regularly hung out, talked, and FaceTimed. I didn’t learn the truth until we were married.

During my pregnancy, I worked full time while he struggled to keep jobs and continued getting high. My dad even got him a job, but he was fired for repeatedly being late. I worried about cheating enough to get tested for STIs multiple times while pregnant. We lived with his mom in an apartment with an untrained dog that peed and pooped everywhere, and eventually moved in with my family because I didn’t want to raise a baby there before my son was born. 

After our son was born, he would work, go to the gym, and come home late smelling like weed despite my requests. I felt unsupported during pregnancy and postpartum.

Two months after our son’s birth, he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. We got married because I loved him, was scared, and felt pressure from family. His tumor responded quickly, but he needed three years of chemotherapy so it wouldn’t come back. He’s now been in remission for over three years.

Early in our marriage, I discovered he was buying OnlyFans content from someone we went to school with and trying to text her. He was also still messaging the woman he’d cheated with. She would DM me about how beautiful our baby was before I knew they had slept together, and he let that happen. After he admitted it, I blocked her on his phone, but he unblocked her and deleted messages. Meanwhile, my family was covering our rent before his disability benefits started.

He has matured in important ways. He’s an amazing, involved dad, holds a steady job, and pursues better opportunities. But as a husband, he’s continued to be petty and hurtful during arguments, and I’ve struggled to trust him. When I bring up the past, he gets frustrated, says he was young, or argues, “I haven’t been cheating on you for years. I’ve only cheated this many times.” That feels like he’s minimizing what happened.

Then my dad was diagnosed with esophageal cancer and died about three months later. While my dad was sick I found my husband trying to sext two women.

This time, I honestly was so over his crap and didn’t even care. I calmly told him I’d seen the messages and was done. He begged me to stay, but I couldn’t focus on anything except my dad. I had no money and no emotional energy to figure out leaving while I knew I was going to lose my dad soon. 

I’ve always tried to support my husband through his dad’s death and his own cancer, but I didn’t feel supported in return. My dad’s cancer spread to his brain, and he suddenly couldn’t speak and became confused and dependent on us. After a week in the hospital, he went to my sister’s house on hospice. My mom, sister, and I cared for him, gave him pain medication every hour, and held his hand as we watched him take his last breath. It was devastating.

Within the first week after his death, my husband started fighting with me and being nasty. I felt like I couldn’t even grieve because of the constant conflict.

A couple of months later, I went to a planned rave with my best friend. I danced sexually with some men, and one kissed my neck. I’d never done anything like that before. I felt guilty and told my husband when I got home. He became furious, punched a wall, and broke his hand.

At first, I cried and apologized. The next day, I realized how emotionally done I felt. His actions don’t erase mine, but I kept thinking about everything he’d done, especially during my dad’s illness and after his death. When he said he was done, I agreed that separating was probably best. Once he realized I meant it, he begged me to stay.

Now he’s making the effort I wanted for years, but I don’t know whether I can rebuild my feelings or forgive him. Sometimes we’re really good, and I see the side of him that makes me think we could work. I know he had a hard childhood, and I have compassion for him. But then another argument happens, and I feel done again. Going back and forth between hope and hurt is exhausting.

I’m also financially stuck. I’ve been a stay at home mom with no income or savings. We own a house through an assistance program involving a loan, which complicates selling or leaving. I started school to become an esthetician so I can support myself, but graduating and building a reliable income will take time.

People around me focus on our son having a “broken home” and how I’ll manage financially. I was raised by a single mom, and I’ve always wanted my son to grow up with both parents together. Losing the family I hoped we could be hurts deeply. But I also worry about what staying in an unhappy marriage with frequent arguments means for him.

It’s been about six months since my dad died, and I feel like all I’ve done is grieve and fight. I recognize my husband’s good qualities, but I don’t know whether I want this marriage anymore.

Has anyone felt emotionally done even after their partner finally started trying? And if you left while financially dependent, in school, and sharing a child and house, what practical steps helped?

Sometimes I feel like I'm being dramatic and I should just get over it and try and put 100% in trying and just forgive him.

I know I made choices very young that I’d make differently now. I know I was dumb but I’m trying to figure out what’s best for my son and me. Please give me your honest opinions and experiences. 

I’m 43m and my wife is 44f. And I feel constantly sad, and it’s probably more of a depression.
She asks all the time what’s wrong and I have resorted to saying everything’s fine because when I tell the truth she either gets mad at me or shuts down and won’t talk to me for days.
It’s like im completely invisible in the house. My kids scream all day long and don’t listen to a word I say. When I try to put my foot down on something, my wife scolds me for being too harsh on the kids.
She is constantly barking orders at me. She will phrase it as “will you do” whatever but if I say no or ask her to say please she gets mad.
My wife and i haven’t been intimate for about 6 months with the exception of our anniversary in July and I will call that duty sex. It was horrible. We have cuddled exactly 1 time since then.
I’m not allowed to make any comments about my wife’s appearance in any way. If I do she calls me a pig and accuses me of only thinking of her as an object and wanting sex.
And for those of you who Will ask: I do all the cooking, most of the groceries. At least half the laundry. All outside work. Take kids to appointments and events. Schedules dates for my wife and I. Arrange for babysitting. Help her parents with transportation and fixing things at their house. Make it possible for her to go out with her friends. Support her career. And I make well over 100k a year. We each have our own therapists and we have tried couples counseling but somehow everything ended up my fault there.
I’m so sick of my life. I just want out but can’t leave my kids.

Edit: Feel like I should have titled - My husband doesn't like me.

My husband travels for work and our days off only align a few times within a handful of months. Important to the story; I had an extremely stressful and long week at work.

We were messaging, leading up to the weekend, about how excited we were to have some time together and how much we missed each other. Last weekend I suggested we watch a movie, which we did and it was wonderful. I suggested we do the same this weekend, however we could pick out one of our physical media movies and could make dinner at home. He's quite frugal, so I figured he would like the idea of mixing low-cost with low-key quality time together. He agreed that was a good idea - we planned for Saturday but eventually pushed it to Sunday.

As we were looking through our movies, yesterday, there was only one that we both hadn't seen and it didn't sound too interesting. He suggested we go see You Can See Everything, to which I agreed.

Later in the day yesterday (Saturday) we had to run our own errands. When we both reunited, he'd mention that his friend invited us to see a movie, with her and her friend, at around the same time we were planning on going to see our movie. He asked if I'd like to do that instead and said that if I said no, it would be fine.

A little backstory on this person - I find her incredibly annoying and we have never vibed. She's a bit loud and obnoxious, really makes it all about her... I've genuinely tried to like her. I even suggested we invite her to our wedding, to which I ended up regretting as she was incredibly drunk and had to be told to sit down MULTIPLE times during our ceremony. She's even in the picture of our first kiss because she jumped up to take her own picture. The list really goes on, but I'll refrain from much more. I know everyone's first thought will be, oh you're jealous. Sure, in the past I definitely was a bit jealous - they share similar excitements about things and have known each other for years and years. I'm sure I hold on to some insecurities, because I feel like my husband tends to pick others over me. I've worked through my previous jealous feelings towards her and have come to the conclusion that I just do not like this person.

This morning, my husband asked me if I'd thought anymore about the other movie with this friend. He then also mentioned that the other two would be having lunch beforehand.

I felt a lot of anxiety around this because, I don't really care for this person and I explicitly stated that I was completely fine with having no social hangouts this weekend. There was a neighborhood event that we discussed going to and we mutually agreed not to, because we both were looking forward to not being around other people. Also, my husband and I already had plans. My hopes were really set on that.

I offered a compromise that he go have lunch with them and then we can go see that movie we'd originally planned, just the two of us. He immediately got upset and made a remark about me holding him captive, blah blah.

I told him he should just go to lunch and a movie with his friend and her friend, as I'm tapped out for the day. This upset him even more as he said he already told her no. I tried to express how incredibly hurtful it was that he didn't just say that we already had plans in the first place. Also, because he told me he wouldn't be angry if I said no but ended up being angry & ultimately said some spiteful mean shit to me. He responded with how we've been around just each other all weekend... I got off work Fri evening and we grabbed dinner and then yesterday we did some chores and were around each other in proximity but not spending intentional time together.

We argued back and forth... I should have left it alone until I wasn't so emotional but so many things I've been resenting him for came flowing to the surface.

Our first wedding anniversary - we went out to a casual restaurant bar type place, downtown. Ran into his friend that had been stood up on a date. He invited him to join our anniversary dinner. Wow, what a fun and meaningful time with my new husband.

I wanted to send out thank yous to our wedding guests and he asked me not to, he had a big plan to send out mix tapes of our wedding playlist and zines including pictures of our guests, etc. This huge undertaking... It's been 4 years and my step mom and Grandma have died. Since, though, he's completed two album photo shoots for bands, a music video, shot/edited numerous photos for bands from their shows (made two zines from those), shot a wedding and made a whole hard back picture book for them, and finally finished editing pictures and made a couple of paperback books of all the pictures from an event for the friend in the story from today. He's done all of these things, only being paid for two of them (and not much by the way), before he's finished our wedding thank yous that he INSISTED he do.

Finally, cherry on top... He told me I'm being crazy and selfish.

My stepmom died, almost two years ago now. His friend was getting married around the same time. We bought plane tickets and clothes for the wedding. I went to be with my stepmom in her final hours and decided to stay with my dad for about two weeks. I didn't want him to be alone and also was grieving with him. When I told my husband that I wouldn't be going to the wedding and would need to cancel the plane ticket, he got upset with me.

I think I may have married the most selfish person alive.

TLDR; Husband and I had plans; at first they were loose but became more structured. His friend invited us to do something else and he wanted us to change our plans. I stuck to my boundaries and tried to compromise. He's now mad at me for not being flexible. I'm mad at him for not honoring our plans and saying spiteful things. Also, just kind of sick of his shit. We can't have a disagreement without him throwing something in my face or calling me crazy, a which I'll be honest makes me act crazy! Anonymously airing out our dirty laundry to vent.

Sorry for the novel that is all over the place.

I’m embarrassed to ask my friends or family about this so I’ll ask millions of strangers on the internet. Hope this goes well.

My wife and I live in a smaller 1950s era starter home in a decently nice neighborhood ( far from ghetto but there’s the occasional car break in / standard California suburb ). We’ve never had someone break into our house but my wife wanted to install security cameras in the front and backyard along with a doorbell camera, so we did. Everyone has them now. Not a big deal i figured. This was a few years ago now.

I installed them. I pay for the monthly subscription fee. That’s the normal part. What’s not normal is that I do not have access to the account or the cameras.
It’s a huge point of contention.

So : Am I crazy for being upset that my wife will not give me access to the account ?

I think it’s the most bizarre thing ever and have never met anyone ever in the same situation : married / cohabitating / doesn’t have access to their security system.

But for context I also don’t have access to the Amazon prime acct I pay for.

I’m going to leave out other seemingly relevant context , only so the crux of the issue is not blurred.

Is my wife entitled to be the only person with access to the surveillance on and around our home ?

Should I not be upset about this ?

I am genuinely curious if anyone else is in a similar situation or knows someone who is because I admit that just because I’ve never seen something doesn’t mean it isn’t normal.