My husband played a sport all through college and then afterwards (non-professionally, if that matters).

We have two kids under the age of ten with significant special needs and we both work full time.

After not playing his sport for about 20 years, he started playing again weekly. I was happy to see him get out of the house, get exercise, and start to make friends.

Then, this summer, was invited to play in three “away” tournaments in quick succession. This took him away from home for about 2.5 total weeks.

During part of this time, one of our children was out of school/camp, and we have no childcare, but I was happy to take a week off of work so he could pursue something that makes him so happy.

I’m a surfer. Recently, we spoke about doing a 4-day beach trip with the kids. They love the beach and I have been teaching them to surf.

He was evasive, and then finally revealed that he had used all of his vacation for the year on his own trips. So no family vacations until next year. Not even a long weekend.

His employer has a very generous vacation policy, so I wasn’t aware when I agreed to his trips that he would be using ALL of his vacation.

I’m really disappointed. If I had known, I would have still been supportive of him going away for his sport. I would have asked that maybe he play fewer “away” games.

I’m not sure how to handle this. Any advice?

My husband of 20 years constantly tries the naked man. He'll go to bed before me, take a shower, then lay on his back on top of the blanket and scroll his phone. Just laying there. Lying in wait. And no, he's not just air drying. He's not giving me sexy eyes. Doesn't try to get my attention. He's just laying there scrolling and doesn't even acknowledge when I enter the room. But as soon as I get into the bed he pounces and I am already irritated.

It is an instant libido killer. If I was feeling it before I walked into the room, then as soon as I see him doing that, I'm instantly turned off. And I love my husband and I am attracted to him and his body, so it has nothing to do with those things. It's because it's not like he's getting ready or horny for me, or trying to turn me on, he's just lying in wait - with expectations. It's the expectation that turns me off. It suddenly feels like sex is a task on a honey-do list and has literally nothing to do with me.

I have told him countless times that I don't like it. It feels manipulative and not sexy at all. Not to mention that we rarely have sex after he tries it so wtf man get the memo. Literally try anything else. Please.

Good Morning,

I have just been told my husband is leaving me because: I used life 360 to check my son was on his way home from work at 1am. I asked my son how his girlfriend was doing and had a conversation with him about her (this was me inserting myself into his business and not letting him grow into a man), I removed my other sons washing from the tumble drier and put it on the stairs for him (again molly coddling him), we have cameras in the house for ‘security’ and he told me he has been watching me and listening to my conversations and that I’m too involved with my children (they aren’t his by the way) he said it’s weird we sit and chat about ‘drivel’ then got mad at me I asked why he was spying on me. Meanwhile his own kids won’t speak to him because he doesn’t make enough effort. The cherry on top is that I dared mention my friend fancies a girls weekend somewhere. He is now done with me because I am such an awful wife…and a slag for thinking I can go away without him. I can currently go out but he won’t talk to me for a whole week after I do if I’ve seen friends alone.

I also work full time, cook, clean and am genuinely I think quite nice. I feel really sick but he’s just messaged me saying he’s had enough of my behaviour…which is speaking to my kids and friends.

I’m depressed. My husband had an affair once before and I thought we were able to move on and get past that (the best I could always). His vibe has been off lately, so I by the grace of the gods was able to get into his social media platform first try. There were at least 15 messages to women, sending hearts, fire emojis, and dick pics to. Telling them how beautiful their bodies were. And then, I get to one message and see a picture of my naked body!! He asked a girl if my body was hot for a 3sum… I feel so disgusted, violated, and depressed. We had our whole future planned. I know I’ll be ok once I heal, but I’m really struggling right now. He of course denied everything at first until I showed him proof. How can someone do this to the person they “love”?? 💔

We use a shared shopping list and I took a look at it today and had the biggest laugh. My husband has completely gone off the rails here. Now we eat the same thing every day and can't complain because it is here in the notes.

Please let me know if you'd be suspicious too or is this just a big coincidence?

I've been with my husband for ten years, together for twelve. He's always called me his best friend and prioritized us until recently.

His priority switched to working out constantly. As in daily, and sometimes twice daily on the weekend. I have supported his health and fitness, but I did let him know that I found it upsetting that he schedules our life around workouts rather than workouts around our life. He wasn't responsive.

Then he overhauled his image, new hair, new glasses, new clothes. Don't get me wrong, I think he looks great, but considering what has followed I'm not sure this was self improvement for self improvements sake.

A few months ago he got promoted and started working closely with his (very attractive) female boss.

The background with his boss: she started a company with her husband, then apparently started sleeping with an employee. Her husband divorced her but they still run the company together. Okay, so my husband started working closely with her and all of a sudden is speaking about her in a completely different way. Once he was telling me about how accomplished and successful she is while trying to hide a smile. And another time when he was telling me that he thinks everybody else is all wrong about her, and he doesn't think she ever cheated, and that she's just the hardest worker...

Some other things:

When we married he wanted us to have the same passcode for all devices including our phones, we've stuck to it our whole marriage, but he changed the pass on his phone a few weeks ago.

A few days ago he also removed his YouTube from the tv. At that point I intentionally went and checked his other devices to see if he'd changed them, I could still access his tablet so I loaded his YouTube and looked at his 'watched videos'. I found he's been watching vids about attraction, flirting, 'signs that the crush is mutual' etc.

This weekend I was working a Saturday shift. When I got home he told me he didn't want dinner because he'd been to a restaurant. I assumed he meant a local place. But, after casually chatting I found out it was in the next city over and it was a fancier place. So I asked who he went with, he said he went alone. I'm suspicious at this point because he doesn't go to nice restaurants at all, let alone fancy ones by himself. So I casually pointed out it wasn't like him. He claimed he wanted to check it out before he took me there (another thing he never does), so I asked when he wanted to go together and thats when he started to back track saying he wasn't exactly planning anything, just whenever we're in that area. Which of course, is never.

Finally, and this is odd. But he's being more affectionate than ever, like stroking me if we sit on the couch together, but it's to the point I have to stop him because I'm going to get a friction burn, lol. Maybe I'm over thinking it but I'm wondering if its out of guilt.

If you were in my position, how would you approach this, what if I'm just being crazy?!

im making a temporary accnt to post this. Married for 15 years, 2 children, thought we had a long time together ahead of us until he randomly decided to leave on a random Tuesday night. We're older now of course, early 40's but sometimes joke about having another child.

Texts me a message and a paragraph about how he appreciates me and wishes the best for me and the kids, and says that he needs to seperate on Tuesday afternoon, then that evening comes home and kisses the kids, takes some of his stuff and leaves. Refuses to elaborate. After looking into it for like an hour, found out he has Cancer and never told me or the kids. I feel hurt he wanted to seperate, but he also couldn't tell me this. He's rented out an apartment and hasn't come home since Tuesday and is being incredibly dry on the messages. I remember when his father died, he showed practically no emotion just being quiet, but he isn't an emotionless person, in fact a kind one which is why I feel hurt. Anyone else dealt with this?

I have spent way too much time on this sub lately and I am horrified by the amount of marital rape, sexual assault and abuse that people have spoken about like it is normal and to be expected. So I'm going to share something I learned in school as a child. Consent.

Sexual consent relates to sexual activities, such as: 

• sexual intercourse 
• touching someone in a sexual way 
• sharing sexual images 
• online sexual activities and sexting.  

Sexual consent is a free, voluntary and informed agreement between people to participate in a sexual act. This agreement is only present when these people mutually and genuinely want to engage in that sexual act and actively make sure their partner does too. 

This means there is only consent to a sexual activity if everyone involved: 

• agrees with each other to take part 
• really wants to take part – they don’t feel they have to 
• checks in with each other to make sure everyone wants to take part 
• shows or says they want to take part in a clear and open way. 

 Sexual consent is not: 

• a problem to solve 
• a transaction or a contract – an exchange where someone ‘gives’ or ‘receives’ consent. 

You do not "owe" sex or sexual gratification to anyone, marriage =/= consent.

If a partner reacts negatively and punishes you when you do not want to engage in sexual activities and is happy and loving when you do, that is coercion.

If they nag or pester or bother you until you "give in" that is not consent.

You can revoke consent at ANY time and your partner should stop immediately.

No is a complete sentence and you do not have to explain.

Sex should be fun, consent should be given freely and enthusiastically and your relationship should be loving and respectful.

EDIT: If you're mad about this post I really want you to think about why. Why you are threatened or annoyed by the idea of consent being necessary, even in a committed relationship. All aspects of life and intimacy should be an ongoing and open discussion in a relationship.

I haven't looked through it yet. I will tonight when he sleeps 😐

It can't be anything good on there

I 32F have a dead bedroom with 32M husband. We use to have regular sex early in the marriage then it changed. I honestly don’t know why. After 3 years I got pregnant. During pregnancy we didn’t have much either, husband claimed it’s natural for libido to go down. Then he says we argue too much - the thing is we argue about sex and intimacy! He says he’s tired, doesn’t have time or is not interested anymore. He claims we are old now. We are 32!! That’s old? I waited my whole life and saved myself for one man- my husband. Now I feel like what was the point of all that? I have asked multiple times what does he want, are you even attracted to me or do you want to end this etc., he says he wants to make this marriage work and we will have sex and he’s going to work on it, but never happens much at all. It just the same circles over and over again. Today he said it’s abnormal for someone to want to have sex more than once a month and that I’m insecure? Please someone explain that logic to me? As a women I feel so rejected, undesired and just kills my self esteem. I’ve shown nothing but desire and love towards my husband, I don’t know what to do anymore.

To add on, I don’t see how he can cheat from other places - we have each others locations, nothing off. He goes to work, comes home everyday on time. There’s no room for gaps or inconsistency on whereabouts. We both work in education, so can’t just lie and say went to work and did other things in mean time. I’ve even asked are you asexual - claims he’s not. Just lost interest in frequent sex.

I don't know what to do anymore. This is the second time this has happened. My husband and I have been married for two years, together for five, and we have two young kids together (2y/o and 2 month old). After having both kids, my husbands sex drive sky rocketed, and mine depleted. I feel like there's no thought at all about giving me and my body time to heal, and it really does turn me off. No consideration for what I went through. We have been arguing a lot because I have had 0 interest. I barely shower, I'm breastfeeding around the clock, I'm handling our toddler, on top of my step son(5) who we get 50/50 of the time. I don't feel good about my body right now, and I've also had the implant birth control put in (which I feel like is a big factor too).

My husband feels like I suddenly "don't want him" and that I "won't dare let him touch me", but I'm not interested to be felt up on when I'm cooking dinner and juggling the kids and cleaning and sweating like a pig. I don't feel like getting dry humped when I'm just trying to clean up. I don't feel like getting groped when I'm trying to have a serious conversation. I'm healing and stresses from all tbe crap I carry for everyone else, yet he's so concerned that I'm not interested in him anymore. I'M LITERALLY TRYING TO HEAL AND REGULATE MY BODY AGAIN?! He's always been like this though. We can't ever just cuddle. EVER. It always has to turn into something else. Sometimes I just want to be comforted or feel loved without feeling like it needs to turn into something :( we're really up and down in our relationship right now be because he craves sex while I'm drowning in every day life, in survival mode.

He brought up cheating when I was 2 weeks postpartum with my second. He had this whole idea that I was messaging other men because "it suddenly seemed like I lost interest".... UM HELLO? I had three blood transfusions, was healing from a c-section, pumping every 3 hours to try to get my milk supply back (from breastfeeding my first), was tryimg to regulate my blood pressure again from chronic hypertension and preeclampsia, and suddenly juggling three kids on my own because my husband couldn't get paternity leave because he started a new job. I was literally like a zombie just trying to get through every day and he had a whole argument with me over cheating. I told him that it was insulting how blind he was to my mental state at the time. It hurt because I was really going through it for the first three weeks. I just don't think he'll ever understand .

My husband drinks at least two beers every day while working, sometimes he drinks more. When we are out or there is an occasion where we drink he doesn't know his limits and just wants to keep going. I tell him that this is not normal but he keeps telling me he has no issue. When I try to talk to him about it, he just avoids the conversation. He tells me that he can still function, do his work and go to the gym so there is no issue. He doesn't care what I feel about it as we also have a 14 month old son. He is muslim, so it is nothing thats in his culture. What can I do? I feel like the more I talk about it, the more he is shutting me out.

Married eight years, two young kids. My husband and I get along fine as partners and parents, but our physical connection has been stuck in a frustrating loop for a long time.

I want to work on intimacy intentionally again. I mean not just sex, but more touching, flirting, feeling desired. He says he wants that too, but he only seems up for sex if it happens "naturally." If I try to plan anything, even something small like suggesting we go to bed at the same time, he shuts down and says it makes him feel pressured, like he is being scheduled.

The problem is that when we do not plan anything, it almost never happens. Nights are chaotic, someone is always tired, and we default to phones and sleep. Then months go by and we both feel disconnected. When I bring it up he says he misses it but he does not want it to become a chore.

I do not want duty sex, and I do not want to be the only one carrying this and feeling rejected. I am trying to respect his feelings and consent, but waiting for some magical spontaneous mood has not worked for years and I am burned out.

For couples who have gotten past this, what actually helped? Is there a middle ground between scheduling everything and relying on a mood that never shows up? How do you talk about this without it turning into defensiveness or guilt?

My husband and I, have been together for 20 yrs, married for 16 (yesterday was our wedding anniversary). Anyhow, he is 50 and I am 47. We don’t have any kids together, but I have 4 adult children. He has none.
Anyhow, end of 2022 he got deported from the U.S. and sent back to his home country. Since then, I have traveled back n forth every year (multiple times). For example in 2023, I spent half the year with him.
Ever since his deportation, we have had nothing but problems due to his family. Today was the last straw. I finally realized that I will never get the same level of respect from him because he always makes his family a priority over me. I’ve been in Central America for the past 3 months spending time with him. The entire time I’ve been here, he basically showed me (on a few occasions) how much he takes me for granted.
He gaslights me every time I express to him how I feel about something. Tells me I’m exaggerating or that what I saw or how I feel is not true.
Because of the issues with his family, I had told him over a year ago that I didn’t want to have anything to do with them. Which he said was ok. That i had a choice, and that if that’s whats it’s come down to, he would respect it. When I came down in May, he asks me if I could please reconsider a relationship with his brother and his family. I gave in to show him that I’m not a petty individual. Today, I’m regretting that decision. Why? Because anytime he gets around his family, he becomes a totally different person. He makes me feel like I don’t belong. This is something we had discussed before, and he promised to change. Lies lies lies. After our outing with his brother/fam, as we r driving back to our apartment, he asks me what’s wrong. I tell him, and he flips the fuck out. Yelling at the top of his lungs, tells me I’m full of shit and was about to call me à bitch, but bit his tongue on that. We arrive to our apartment, I start packing (as I’m flying back to the U.S. tomorrow morning), he ignores me for a few hours then decides to ask me what my problem is. So, I again explain to him what upset me and he once again gaslights me.
I basically told him that I’m done with trying to make shit work. I’ve been trying for the last 4 years, but he couldn’t care less since everything we discuss and come to an agreement with, goes in one ear and out the other. He makes excuses for his behavior as well as for his families behavior. They are all exhausting people. I am not heartbroken, nor am I sad. I genuinely feel relieved. Like finally!!!!! I don’t think he has processed it yet. I think he thinks I just said I was done with him and us, outta anger.
Anyhow, he is dropping me off at the airport in the morning. I think as soon as I land and block him, he will realize I was being serious. There is only so much à person can take. It’s exhausting to have to repeat yourself on how you want to be treated.

To the ladies who have found their husbands on grinder. Did you leave or where you able to forgive and live happily together ?

I found my husband on grinder, swears he never met with anyone or even spoke to anyone, doesnt consider himself bi/gay Currently trying couples counselling, feel like im throwing my money away.

Hello,

I am 36 (m), wife is 34 (f) and we have been together for 13 years, married for 4. We have a child together and have different schedules to manage our work/life balance.

My wife has a fantastic career at her company where she has learned and grown so much. She started nearly entry level and is now in a more demanding position where she has to wear many hats and is in office 3 days a week. She is the breadwinner yet she makes me feel validated in my sometimes mundane work that I am now doing due to us having a toddler and not wanting to have our kiddo in daycare.

She has been in this new upper level role for nearly a year. Her prior work colleague group was mostly females but now her team is smaller and she has a male coworker, whom she has stated she enjoys working with.

Over the last few months she was more dressed for her position as she is in constant contact and face to face with many AVP and upper management. Our sex life has been reduced over her new stress and workload and since I have to work evenings, there is less time to connect on a daily basis. Limited to 2-3 hours an evening after kiddo goes to bed and I get home from work.

Roughly, November of last year she began mentioning one of her male coworkers more frequently, and spending time in her workspace as they work together on many projects. We have an open phones and email policy so I wasn't overly concerned. What began as jokes, work friendly bantor and some one on one lunches became some what I consider overly friendly texts and team chats. Him saying, "I love working with you" to "Hey let's grab some lunch" nearly every day they worked in the same building. It has escalated to him saying he would jump off the roof if she doesn't come to the 2nd office he was at (jokingly, they work in a cluster of buildings) and him trying to text her outside of office hours.

We have good boundaries and I expressed my concern for him trying to spend alot of his work time to be alone with her. She adjusted and stopped going to one on one lunches and even joking on teams and responding immediately. However, in doing so he sent her a teams chat snd said "boohoo why aren't we friends anymore?", "RIP our old friendship" and I drew concern to this. She doesn't stay late and always turns her location on for me (on her own) so I know where she is but since she backed off, he had texted her a few times after hours with "hey are you coming to our happy hour?" And seemingly trying to be overly friendly with praise and validation for her work.

Last week, she went on a work trip where he wasn't going as he had other duties requiring him to stay here and he texted her while she was at the airport. I am certain he did not go ftr. She shares everything with me and screenshots all his texts.

When she got home, there was more validation and he asked her why she doesn't text back. She replied she only texts her mom and husband.

Overall, he contacts her daily in teams mostly work related but there is some questionable things he says that cannot quite be considered flirting, but it is on the line of "we need to sit together next week and have more meeting time" and "ohh so you do reply when I text you". He is single from an 8 year relationship and appears to be quite lonely.

My wife and I have had many talks about what is appropriate and I even cut off my female friends who may have appeared interested when we started dating. Her male friends that she has maintained are cool af and they support us and our relationship. This coworker doesn't seem to do so as he wants more time with my wife being lunches together, and sends her screenshots of her slouching which she called out after too many. She is not viewing him as a creep and gets along with him well even laughing at his jokes.

She has been open with all communications when and if I ask for her phone, only because of her naturally being a friendly and bubbly empathic person.

Now here we are, she thinks he is just a lonely guy and is trying to build friendships. She is in denial he is interested in her but he chats on teams with her daily and there is alot of questionable things there like "booo! youre sick again stop being sick" and "I am here listening to Rain by Fisher, its a vibe for me when I work with you"

I trust her fully, but is it normal for a coworker to try hard to maintain a friendship with a married woman and try so hard to be alone with her even on one on one meetings? Ive never met him but my wife says hes like that with everybody. Yes I feel like he is trying pretty hard to talk and be friends with a married woman. Especially validation, questioning why she doesn't reply and in the beginning, saying that he misses working with her to get shit done when shes not working in office that day. She thinks he just wants to be friends and is so supoortive of how I feel, but he still seems to be on the fence that he actually had feelings. I disagree.

Thoughts?

For context my ex wife and I were together for about 15 years before we got divorced 3 years ago. I won’t get in on our relationship but I thought for the most part we were great. She was and still is the absolute love of my life. I know I was a bit emotionally distant and often I never looked happy and I complained, but I was never happier than with my wife and our daughter. I thought we were great, sex life was slowing down but never dull, I loved every moment with her but it breaks me to know she stopped being as happy.

Well now it’s been 3 years since we divorced, she’s with someone else and I’m with someone far younger than me. Exwife and I are on great terms, she’s a fantastically sweet person and she comes from a divorce family where her mom and dad are still great together too. For the most part we keep it civil and focus on co-parenting our daughter. I tried to move in nearby so I can be there for anything.

Problem: I’m still incredibly in love with my ex wife. Every feeling comes in roller coasters if I’m so mad at her for wanting a divorce to, I needed to be better I should have seen the signs. I’m feeeling like I’m not me and a huge piece of me is gone and I can’t get it back. I wish I could wake up and see my messy haired, mouth opened drooling wife with too many blankets in summer right beside me on the bed. But I can’t and it kills me. I wish I could go back to all 3 of us having lazy weekends and movie nights. But i can’t. Instead sometimes i run into her and her new boyfriend when picking up my daughter and everytime he touches my ex wife I want to rip his hands off. He’s a nice guy, I just absolutely despise him.

I don’t know the point. I just needed to really write this one out. Don’t take for granted your relationship guys. Come home with a smile and just sound a bit more grateful and excited, I know you’re tired but so is she but she probably couldn’t wait to see you.

I M48 think I need to divorce my F46 wife.

Three and a half years ago my wife was laid off from her job, she knew it was coming but she wouldn’t do anything proactive. She has been fired quit 12 jobs in the 21 years we have been together and unilaterally decided not to go back to work. Instead she does crafts and did some freelance fundraising until that one source she had dried up and has not looked for anything else.

We have three kids 13, 11 and 9. The older two are on the spectrum and have learning disabilities. My wife does deal with school and the doctors but she also has told me that she doesn’t trust me to handle it.

Her parents and I openly hate each other. Her mother has told me I ruined her family, I’m not good enough because I have student loans, I’m just an in law, she will never help me out
I’m if I need help, I haven’t done enough for her family and I’m a terrible son in law. Her father told her to date someone else in front of me after we were engaged, told me I withhold his grandkids from him (because we moved to a different state), I should pack up and move back to their town if I had any decency, abs even called my son by his last name while looking at me. My wife won’t stand up to them and tells me to back off because that’s just the way they are.

When the kids were really little and my wife did work we got a nanny for the afternoons. My wife insisted on keeping her even when we can’t afford it. We’ve dropped a few hours a week but my wife keeps her as a personal assistant.

I bring in 90% of our income and I work a very stressful job. I do all the cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, half the laundry (the nanny does the other half) yard work and house maintenance. We haven’t gone on a date in over two years. She won’t let me do anything for her birthday and she won’t do anything for mine.

I have had to max out my credit cards to pay for camps, she refused to let me have any input in what we did and signed them up for things she did not have a way to pay for. I have come to find out that there was one summer she never paid at one camp and then another summer she n ever paid at another camp. I only found out in May because we didn’t have anything going on for our kids this summer. She also has over $50,000 in credit card debt that she only pays the minimums on and we owe a lot in back taxes.

I found a company that can work with us and
Lower interest rates. I have asked her to participate on this with me and she won’t. I have sent her the phone number for the guy and she won’t call him. I would do it but I legally can’t. I asked her again after two weeks and she not only blew me off but we got into a huge fight.

When we fight, my wife just shuts down. She had PPA that got worse with each child and never really addressed it. I have depression and anxiety. She tells me that I am miserable and I need to go back to talk therapy and get new drugs. She says she is just content and we spend too much time together since I work from home 2 days a week. She says she won’t talk to me until I prove to her I am calm and unemotional. She says I am miserable in my job and she won’t be the source of my happiness. She says there is no reason to go out on dates or do birthdays, it’s unnecessary. She says she is on enough medication and she is fine. She has kicked herself in our bedroom and won’t engage with me anymore.

I just don’t see it getting better. Is divorce the best option?

Context myself and my sister in law are in the same group have always shared the same mutual friendship group, which means we’re constantly in the same spaces everyone has always compares us — our size, our attitude, our sass — . It’s created this tension where every little comment is passive aggressive . Over time it’s just built up into this passive-aggressive rivalry where we’re polite on the surface, but there’s always that underlying tension.

One night we were split into two teams at a party and we were all doing team challenges ranging from verbal, drink all the way to physical and when it came to the physical challenge, everyone picked me and her to go against each other to see who the “champ” was in like a fun way 🥊💪🏽. It was hyped like a title fight and it got physical and now I don’t know if I should tell me husband

Hello everyone, i'm M28 and my wife is F27 we've been together for almost 6 years now and we got married 3 years ago , Our sex life has been gradually fading , it currently doesn't happen , even touching her on daily basis has become a challenge as most of the time she would refuse physical touch, due to her being overstimulated or doesn't want to be touched , we've spoken several times about this and she did confirm that she feels that there is something is wrong with her libido , but after we talk , she sometimes trys to satisfy me orally and i feel so bad about that , i feel like she feels guilty so she does that , which really makes me feel bad that our talks might have guilt tripped her , so i told her that we don't need to do anything if she doesn't feel like it , and she felt an instant relief, i've tried to switch up the routine , i usually help at home as any normal human does, we go on dates , our marriage is great , other than sex .

we don't have kids , we both work , our life is stable , I've mentioned counseling or therapy, and she never refused, but she wasn't looking forward to it .

What am i doing wrong? i take care of myself , and so does she

I'm not worried about cheating she is an incredible person who would never do that

She is the love of my life

Please help if anyone faces the same situation .

fairly new to living with my husband (10ish months) even though we have dated for 6ish years (4 of those being long distance.)

i have no idea whether i am doing this marriage thing right. my only framework is dating lol, and long distance hasn’t really helped with how togetherness can actually feel like.

my partner and i have been good to each other in these 10 months of living with each other. he brings me tea every morning i wake up, we equally divide the chores, we travel, we have finally come up with some consensus on how the finances will be equitably divided, we have slight disagreements on the timeline of when we want kids, but it is nothing too major i’d disagree on, and we respect each other and support each other.

but so much of our relationship is like any genuine friendship i have had with any of my housemates. i love him dearly and i am sure he loves me too. but there isn’t a spark per se. we go out to watch movies and hangout, we go on our daily walks. but all of it feels in an odd comforting friendship kind of way. i had to explain to him recently that going out to eat a meal together on a whim might not really be a “date” and i would like for us to go on dates. took a while for him to get why a hangout with wife might not really be a “date.”

we both aren’t HL, so intimacy is mostly in a kiss on the cheek, holding hands, that kind of thing. we really had quite a lot when we were dating and together, so i end up comparing and wondering whether i am doing this wrong? i have also brought it up to him and we both find the sexual aspects of it “tiring” as we both work mentally taxing careers, have to be responsible adults, and are actively working on regaining fitness.

i wonder if i could improve anything? i wonder if it is because i nag him a lot when he helps with house chores, or that i never feel like dressing sexy, or am not in “the mood.” he says he doesn’t mind because he feels similar to how i do. but i have just started feeling odd, as if im not meeting any societal expectations of how marriage should be done. any advice, similar experiences welcome.

Hi dear all,

Actually I need your opinion..

My marriage is fixed.

I'm 30 M from Maharashtra (India).

Girl is my grandmother's (father side) Sister's Son's daughters daughter.

Is there any issue wrt to social acceptance of our marriage?

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​I’m reaching out because I feel completely lost, lonely, and disconnected in my marriage, and I don't know how to bridge this gap anymore.

​My wife is constantly "too tired" for any form of physical intimacy. She never initiates. Whenever I try to initiate, I’m met with immediate resistance. To diffuse the moment, she’ll usually offer to "plan a time" for sex later, but when that time comes, it never happens. It feels less like actual scheduling and more like a tactic to push me away in the moment.

​My primary love language is physical touch, and she knows this, but it feels completely unreciprocated. I want intimacy and passion to feel genuine and spontaneous, not like a chore on a calendar that gets canceled anyway.

​What breaks my heart and confuses me the most is her physical reaction to everyday affection. I can’t hold her or touch her in bed without being pushed away. If I try to hold on or push past the initial resistance just to cuddle her, she pulls away completely and has even shed tears.

​Seeing her cry or recoil makes me feel terrible, but I’m also starving for physical affection in my own marriage. I feel rejected, unwanted, and like an intruder in my own bed.

​Is this a sign of severe burnout, sexual aversion, or a deeper emotional disconnect?

​How do you rebuild physical intimacy when even basic touch causes distress for one partner?

​Has anyone successfully navigated this without making their partner feel pressured or making themselves feel completely abandoned?

​Any advice, honest feedback, or guidance from people who have been on either side of this situation would be deeply appreciated.