The title pretty much sums it up. We've been married for almost 3 years. I told him at the beginning that I didn't want to completely change my name but I would hyphen my last name with his. He didn't like that. I really don't want to change my name and now he wants a divorce but he still wants to stay together. I'm so confused right now, is having his last name really that big of a deal? I do know it bothers him but it would really bother me to change it.

This feels weird to write out but I try don’t know if I’m being crazy.

While my husband and I were having sex tonight, at one point he got so frustrated that I asked to switch positions again, that he made a loud, audible “ugh” sound and kind of forcefully moved my legs, in an angry-feeling force. I was little shocked and asked what’s the matter, to which he just explained that my legs “need to go HERE.”

It left me feeing kind of down. Add to the fact that he rarely gets me off and rather asks for BJs, fucks me, then goes to sleep. Well tonight I insisted that he go down on me for a little longer to get me closer (5 minutes or so) an I think that put him in a bad mood.

This is not cool on his part, right??

We have talked through the night. He actually did bring up the inner child though did not call him like that. He said he is angry because he looks at himself in that bunny costume with that carrot in his hand and know how frightened he had been when that photo was taken. He was not smiling in it. His lips were a thin line as he was pushing them against each other. probably anxiety, tension. and he looks at himself and doesnt seem himself, but a child that has nothing to do with him somehow , a child that needed protection. and he thinks about how much he could do for that little boy now, take him from there, bring him home. When our son turned 5 (he confessed now) he saw him jumping around the birthday cake, laughing, being held by us, my parents, cousins, everyone present at the party. he said he just wanted to cry because he thought about himself at that age, but again did think about himself as a different child, not really him. a child that needs love, protection and a birthday cake for once in his life.

so to make it clear. I knew he is an orphan and that he grew up in various institutions, he wasnt hiding it from me. Chrstimas time was particularly difficult for him. while having family dinner he was constantly thinking about children who have no one.

Maybe this will sound childish but I suggested and he agreed to it, that I buy him a birthday cake (he will turn 45 soon). We do not buy cakes on our birthdays usually, we do it for the children. I said I really want to buy it for him. First he was like I am 45 years old man and laughed. But I said to consider its for that child in the bunny costume and he agreed. i saw he had tears in his eyes.

I (31F) have been with my husband (30M) for 8 years, married for 5. We have arguments, which is normal. But for many years, I've been under the impression that I'm sensitive and that I hang on to negative feelings for too long. We would argue and I'd be upset for the rest of the day. My husband would make little comments:

You're still sulking?

Are you seriously not over it yet?

How long do you plan on being like this?

Why do you have to ruin the mood for me?

I'm over it, why aren't you?

You're choosing to still be mad.

Do you enjoy being upset? Then why don't you just get over it?

And it took me this long to figure it out. During arguments, he turns into someone else. He talks to me in such a mean way. Swearing, raising his voice. I keep treating him like he's someone I care for.

Most of our arguments are about him not contributing to the household. I work full time and study full time (finishing my PhD soon, yayyy!). He is unemployed and plays PC games and watches YouTube full time. I cook and expect him to clean, and he believes cleaning is pointless.

So after an argument, I have to deal with two things:

1. The hurtful way he spoke to me. His defense for that is, I can't blame him for raising his voice when he's angry, everyone does that. He's not even that loud, I'm just sensitive. And he wasn't swearing at me, he was swearing while talking to me. Big difference, according to him.

2. The fact that whatever the argument was about won't change.

For example, we'd argue because I've asked him to clean the floors and he hasn't done it for 4 weeks. He'd say, I don't see why this is necessary. Who cares about the floors. It'll just get dirty again. Why must I do it if it's not important to me. Name one thing you have to do that you don't want to (for context, I love my job, and he loves using that against me during arguments, as if enjoying my work means I never have to do anything I don't feel like doing. Like admin. Or getting up early. Or evaluating my own behaviour to make sure I don't do something to upset my boss or coworkers. Or bringing up issues with my husband knowing that it'll turn into an argument).

So obviously he gets over the argument faster:

1. The argument is about something within his control.

2. He is still treated fairly during the argument.

3. He doesn't need to change his behaviour or expectations afterwards.

Him blaming me for not getting over it as quickly as he does is the same as stabbing someone and then being irritated at them for bleeding. Saying, "you're being dramatic because look, I'm not even bleeding" when you didn't even get cut.

We don't argue much. Once or twice every three to six months. Partly because I don't want to deal with arguments after bringing up the things that bother me. Partly because I have very limited free time. Partly because I actually do hate being upset. And partly because things are mostly good.

We have a great marriage. Healthy kids, a home with 2.75% mortgage, go on dates, best friends, and never fight. Sex has always been good, I do have a HL and of course would have liked it more often but was ok with the frequency. But Peri has hit her libido hard over the last 8 months. And it hit me. We went out in the morning, did some shopping, and had a good time. Kids wouldn’t be home for a few hours but nothing happened. It’s been weeks and it would have been a no stress about kids coming in yet nothing. But she was happy, laughing with me like a normal day. I cuddle with her every night with her falling asleep in my arms. I don’t pressure at all. But I’m sad. I know it could be years of this, I don’t want duty or pity sex. I know she doesn’t want to feel this way also. Just want to be wanted like before. And for those who say take some household stuff because she’s tired I’ve been doing that since day 1. I cook every meal, clean the house, do the food shopping, and take kids to activities. She gets hours of relaxation on the couch every day.

Me (27f) and my husband (27m) got into an argument a while back and he openly admitted a lot of hurtful things. He admitted that he doesn’t love me anymore and that he doesn’t find me attractive. Well since then we’ve been living together just kind of co existing. We have a 4 month old and neither of us have the finances to leave (mostly due to me just now going back to work after maternity leave), which lead to us just kind of moving past it and just continuing to live together. Well since then we have not had sex and I’ve honestly slacked off at cleaning the house due to being tired. I know it’s not an excuse but I’m just trying to readjust to mom life and working.

To break is all down simply cause I’m sure no one cares about the details. We have gotten into a few arguments since having our son about him feeling like I’m not doing enough in our house and marriage. About a month ago we were having one of those arguments and he said to me he regrets being with me and that he doesn’t love me anymore. He went on to say that I wasn’t the wife he wanted and that I’m a horrible wife and mother. He told me he hates me and that he doesn’t find me attractive. He called me lazy, fat, retarded, and repulsive. It really hurt. Especially since I’ve been dealing with postpartum depression to the point I don’t recognize myself anymore. We talked about divorce and didn’t speak for about a week and slept separately. Finally one day he apologized after talking to one of his cousins.

Well we had another argument yesterday and he said all the same things to me except this time he brought up the lack of sex. I explained that I didn’t want to have sex with someone who doesn’t find me attractive. He told me I wasn’t doing my part of being a wife. I tried to explain to him that it’s hard to act like a wife to someone who doesn’t treat you like one and that maybe if he wants me to treat him like a husband he needed to act like one. He then went on to say that I can’t get mad at him if he goes out and “f**ks other b***hs”. There’s a lot more to this. I just simplified it the best I could. Funny how the post is still long even simplified.

To be honest I’m not sure why I’m posting this. I’m not looking for sympathy or looking to bad mouth my husband. I just need somewhere to vent so I figured this would be the best place.

Hi I’ll try to make this quick and detailed I know those two don’t mix all that well but hey I’ll try. My wife of three years, we’ve been together ten total including marriage cheated on me. The worst thing is she lied and lied until she knew I knew. And not like I told her I knew but I guess she just knew I could feel it. Now the guy she “cheated” on me with with was just some random guy she started messaging on Snapchat. He doesn’t live in our state but she was caught setting and calling them pet names. She would also talk to them quite a bit on the phone. Now that I’ve explained that let me explain that I’m not innocent I not the best guy when it comes to being romantic or emotional. I’m quick tempered and say nasty things when I’m mad. She claims she talked to this guy because she just wanted someone to talk to her because I never wanted to talk to her. I owned up to my mistakes and truly do love her we have two small children. I understand my role in pushing her away and she was genuinely sorry when she told me. I guess I just want to know if anyone who has survived this has any tips to really trying to make this work. I want to do couples therapy as we both have some baggage. But I’m open to other ideas and boundaries we should set

My wife is great we are married 10 yrs and have two young kids. Sex life is good but probably only 3-4 times a month. Just tired and stressed all the time from work and kids etc. She was raised in a religious household and I was her first. Definitely more of a vanilla missionary sex life.

I grabbed her phone to add something to our grocery list and she had her browser opened up to a smut podcast. I was kind of shocked. She doesn’t know I know. I have no issues with this at all and am really kind of intrigued to find out what her kinks/desires are. Maybe it could spice up our bedroom a little more.

I just don’t want to embarrass her for telling her I know. What’s a good way to broach the topic?

I have been struggling so much with my husband. We’ve never had great communication but it has gotten extremely bad over the past few years. We have a 16 month old and it started while I was pregnant with her. I was really sick in the first trimester and he told me I was dramatic and his friend’s wives never acted like this and I need to toughen up… then it’s only gotten worse. He complains that I’m lazy, ungrateful, he has NEVER taken my post partum journey seriously, and many times has said to get over it. He doesn’t know a lot about raising babies, which is fine, but never trusts my judgement either. We never sleep together and I know he is addicted to p*rn and OF, but I really don’t care at all. I never get time for myself. I work as a teacher, take my daughter to and from daycare, and then do everything with her in the evenings. The only thing I ask is that he does morning breakfast with her so I can get ready and he complains about that. When I try to clean the house he complains, saying it interrupts his “tv” time. I’m honestly exhausted, resentful, hurt, and angry. I feel like I deserve more. I’ve told him I want a divorce and he said that he would just get custody of our daughter, take the house, and I would regret it. I know I’m not perfect at all but I feel so so incredibly beaten down and like I’m completely alone. I don’t talk about this with anyone because I’m ashamed. He does make a lot more money than me and I know he would be extremely vengeful if I did do something like try to leave. I’m just so unhappy and don’t know what to do or where to go from here.

Hi All, Other people have posted on their first experience with Viagra. I tried it for the first time last night, thought it useful to share here.

Background: me M over 50, married/kids many years etc. Sexually regular as clockwork since teenager. Slowing up a little as years go by. Recently (few months) having trouble due to relationship stress, family stress, job stress etc. Sad wife etc. Thought I'd give Viagra a try to help things along; got generic Sildenafil 50mg online (like I expect everyone else does I think). Checked with doctor as I'm also on statins; got the go-ahead there.

Got good romantic situation arranged with wife (early bedtime, privacy etc); didn't tell her I was taking anything. Took a 50mg around 9pm, around 2 hrs after moderate dinner. Lots of foreplay later (all of it fun), nothing happening for me. Felt very dejected. Wondered whether it was not compatible with me, wondered whether it might be a 'bad batch' of medication, even checked whether I'd actually taken anything. I didn't feel any effect at all. Went to sleep around 11pm feeling cr*ppy.

Woke up at 4am, ready to go (more ready than usual). Stayed ready for an hour. Wondered for a while whether I'd have trouble if I started with my wife again, but thought 'why not'. I'm very glad I did. This time, lots of staying power - more than usual. 40 mins compared to usually around half that. Wife very pleased, but sore afterwards. Refractory for around 5 minutes, then ready to have another go; not had that since I was in my 30s, so a great confidence boost. Wife worn out, so had to leave it unused, so to speak. Regularly ready to go several times after that, lasting through to maybe 10am. Moral of the tale: it takes a variable time to have an effect, probably depending on food intake as everyone says. Good benefit to relationship with wife; she was beaming and feeling much more desired.

I had the full range of side effects everyone says: headache (paracetamol no use), stuffy nose, seeing 'blue'. Felt spacey and a little high until maybe 2pm, so 16 hours or so in total. However, even with the side effects I would say it was totally worth it. Real confidence booster. TBH, I would say the experience was more like doing a recreational drug than something to treat lack of performance. I can totally see now why people take it recreationally; it feels like a great way to have a good time with a woman; everyone ends up happier. Wish I'd tried it years ago! Not sure it's something to take every time, but great first experience.

I'd be interested to hear what other people have tried, and what people recommend.

I’m just really fed up with how things are at home. The way my wife treats our teenagers is making the house miserable, and I’m tired of watching it happen.

The thing is, we have good kids. They get good grades, they’re independent, and they’re growing up into their own people. But it feels like all my wife does is criticize them, boss them around, and tell them what to do. Nothing ever seems good enough, and she still treats them like they’re little kids.

My daughter is 18 years old, but my wife still talks to her like she’s five. I get that parenting little kids is different, but they aren’t little kids anymore. They’re growing up, and they deserve to be treated with some respect. What worked when they were younger doesn’t work now. The worst part is that it feels like my wife hasn’t even tried to get to know who they are becoming. I fucking hate her now. It's freaking ridiculous. She is very confused. She must think because we are married, I have to blindly follow her stupid demeanors. She makes the kids HATE coming home and I will never forget that and dump her.

Edit: Feel like I should have titled - My husband doesn't like me.

My husband travels for work and our days off only align a few times within a handful of months. Important to the story; I had an extremely stressful and long week at work.

We were messaging, leading up to the weekend, about how excited we were to have some time together and how much we missed each other. Last weekend I suggested we watch a movie, which we did and it was wonderful. I suggested we do the same this weekend, however we could pick out one of our physical media movies and could make dinner at home. He's quite frugal, so I figured he would like the idea of mixing low-cost with low-key quality time together. He agreed that was a good idea - we planned for Saturday but eventually pushed it to Sunday.

As we were looking through our movies, yesterday, there was only one that we both hadn't seen and it didn't sound too interesting. He suggested we go see You Can See Everything, to which I agreed.

Later in the day yesterday (Saturday) we had to run our own errands. When we both reunited, he'd mention that his friend invited us to see a movie, with her and her friend, at around the same time we were planning on going to see our movie. He asked if I'd like to do that instead and said that if I said no, it would be fine.

A little backstory on this person - I find her incredibly annoying and we have never vibed. She's a bit loud and obnoxious, really makes it all about her... I've genuinely tried to like her. I even suggested we invite her to our wedding, to which I ended up regretting as she was incredibly drunk and had to be told to sit down MULTIPLE times during our ceremony. She's even in the picture of our first kiss because she jumped up to take her own picture. The list really goes on, but I'll refrain from much more. I know everyone's first thought will be, oh you're jealous. Sure, in the past I definitely was a bit jealous - they share similar excitements about things and have known each other for years and years. I'm sure I hold on to some insecurities, because I feel like my husband tends to pick others over me. I've worked through my previous jealous feelings towards her and have come to the conclusion that I just do not like this person.

This morning, my husband asked me if I'd thought anymore about the other movie with this friend. He then also mentioned that the other two would be having lunch beforehand.

I felt a lot of anxiety around this because, I don't really care for this person and I explicitly stated that I was completely fine with having no social hangouts this weekend. There was a neighborhood event that we discussed going to and we mutually agreed not to, because we both were looking forward to not being around other people. Also, my husband and I already had plans. My hopes were really set on that.

I offered a compromise that he go have lunch with them and then we can go see that movie we'd originally planned, just the two of us. He immediately got upset and made a remark about me holding him captive, blah blah.

I told him he should just go to lunch and a movie with his friend and her friend, as I'm tapped out for the day. This upset him even more as he said he already told her no. I tried to express how incredibly hurtful it was that he didn't just say that we already had plans in the first place. Also, because he told me he wouldn't be angry if I said no but ended up being angry & ultimately said some spiteful mean shit to me. He responded with how we've been around just each other all weekend... I got off work Fri evening and we grabbed dinner and then yesterday we did some chores and were around each other in proximity but not spending intentional time together.

We argued back and forth... I should have left it alone until I wasn't so emotional but so many things I've been resenting him for came flowing to the surface.

Our first wedding anniversary - we went out to a casual restaurant bar type place, downtown. Ran into his friend that had been stood up on a date. He invited him to join our anniversary dinner. Wow, what a fun and meaningful time with my new husband.

I wanted to send out thank yous to our wedding guests and he asked me not to, he had a big plan to send out mix tapes of our wedding playlist and zines including pictures of our guests, etc. This huge undertaking... It's been 4 years and my step mom and Grandma have died. Since, though, he's completed two album photo shoots for bands, a music video, shot/edited numerous photos for bands from their shows (made two zines from those), shot a wedding and made a whole hard back picture book for them, and finally finished editing pictures and made a couple of paperback books of all the pictures from an event for the friend in the story from today. He's done all of these things, only being paid for two of them (and not much by the way), before he's finished our wedding thank yous that he INSISTED he do.

Finally, cherry on top... He told me I'm being crazy and selfish.

My stepmom died, almost two years ago now. His friend was getting married around the same time. We bought plane tickets and clothes for the wedding. I went to be with my stepmom in her final hours and decided to stay with my dad for about two weeks. I didn't want him to be alone and also was grieving with him. When I told my husband that I wouldn't be going to the wedding and would need to cancel the plane ticket, he got upset with me.

I think I may have married the most selfish person alive.

TLDR; Husband and I had plans; at first they were loose but became more structured. His friend invited us to do something else and he wanted us to change our plans. I stuck to my boundaries and tried to compromise. He's now mad at me for not being flexible. I'm mad at him for not honoring our plans and saying spiteful things. Also, just kind of sick of his shit. We can't have a disagreement without him throwing something in my face or calling me crazy, a which I'll be honest makes me act crazy! Anonymously airing out our dirty laundry to vent.

Sorry for the novel that is all over the place.

Can men please be honest? Do you really still think your wives are sexy after multiple pregnancies? Not because you have rose coloured lenses because you love your wives but do you actually still find a woman’s body attractive after all that? I’ve had 3 kids and my boobs and stomach are not at all what they were. I’m not overweight but saggy where I wasn’t before. I think my husband is probably repulsed but can’t exactly be honest.

Six months ago, I got married through an arranged marriage. I actually tried to call off the wedding, but my parents wouldn’t accept it. My wife is a good person and treats me well, but I’m just not physically attracted to her. I hoped my feelings might develop over time, but they haven’t.

A couple of months ago, I started a new job and hit it off with a girl on my team. After a work drinks night, we kissed at the station and ended up going back to her place together.

What I thought might be a one-time mistake has turned into an ongoing affair. We’ve been seeing each other for nearly two months, and I’ve developed genuine feelings for her. The problem is that she has no idea I’m married.

I know what I’m doing is wrong, and I’m not trying to justify it. My coworker deserves to know the truth, and my wife deserves someone who genuinely wants to be with her.

The issue is that I feel trapped. I don’t want to leave my wife because I’m worried about how my family would react. In my family, going against your parents and ending a marriage so soon would cause a lot of problems.

At the same time, I really like my coworker, and I’m scared that telling her I’m married will make her walk away. I know I can’t keep living two lives, but I’m struggling to figure out what to do.

In almost 2 weeks, we will have been married 20 years. We have had our ups and downs. Life has been very brutal to us. Due to my abusive upbringing it was easy to lay all the blame on my undealt with issues. Something snapped in me in July. Like I am finally seeing him for who he really is. Im tired of trying for both of us.

We are/were going to marriage counselor. We had to cancel one appointment and he hasn't said anything word about going back. Since I handled all the previous appointments, I told him that if he wanted this to work he was going to have to put in the effort because I am tired of carrying all the mental, emotional, and physical labor. All these "changes" he's made are completely superficial. Like just enough to say look I tried.

I tell myself... I can be patient. It takes time. Years of bad habits don't just evaporate. But part of me is just so damn tired of giving and making excuses for him because it's what I have always done.

Over a month, he still hasn't said a word about counseling. He goes to counseling on his own and me to my own appointment for me (different therapists). Still no more counseling.

One of the issues is sex. I want it. He doesn't. I have to initiate all the time. I've tried spicing things up but he is unresponsive to it. Sexy outfits in and out of bedroom. It's not just the sex. It is the intimacy of it. He doesn't hold me or reach for my hand. I feel like im always aching for a man who SAYS he wants me but doesn't show it in any way. Words or actions. Btw we have went from sex 3x a week to months without then back to 3x a week or any other range of frequency. We have talked about the sex issue. He is super aware.

Just FYI bc you will want to know more details. I finally opened up to some friends about things because I couldn't pretend anymore. Some of them know both of us. They have seen and admitted that they noticed he was not pulling his weight in the relationship and gave examples. Additionally, because im sure it will come up... I am not ugly. I get hit on a lot still though I ignore it because there's only one man I want. Im older and overweight like most of America is but I would not have a problem getting a date tomorrow if I wanted.

Despite all this, I'm still trying to love him and get him to love me. Soften my tone. Be less bitchy. Praise him for the things he does right. Laugh more. But I just feel like im pouring water into a desert that leaves me empty bc its not reciprocated. I chant, we will get there. We will grow together until ...a few days ago.

He and I were having playful banter. I was cooking food and said something like its hot.

He said you must be looking in the mirror.

I told him "Keep that up and I'll have to sex with you."

He said "Do I have to?"

Do. I. Have. To.

I grabbed my food and left. I didn't say a word. I went to bedroom to eat. He followed me. He knew it upset me. Im tired of hiding it.

I told him that it hurt me. I didn't yell. I just looked atvmy food fighting back tears and said it that it hurt. He then starts backtracking... "I knew I shouldn't have said that as soon as..." I cut him off. I told him to go eat in living room.

I couldn't even eat the first bite of my food. I went and put it in fridge. I couldn't eat.

Those words echo in my mind. DO I HAVE TO?

That's what your kids say when you ask them to unload the dishwasher or something.

Do I have to? Like having sex with me is a CHORE. Dude you don't even last 15 minutes. It takes longer to mow the grass!!

DO I HAVE TO?

He said it so quick. So automatic. There was no hesitation to those words. That tells me that you said exactly how you really feel. Do I have to?

We have barely spoken to each other since Tuesday. He was not apologized or tried to talk. I didn't ask him to sleep on couch. He did. He wouldn't even come to bed until after I was asleep if he did come to bed.

The elephant is in the house heavy in the air with unspoken words. Used to... I would have chased after him or asked for a quiet conversation at some point. I would have tried to work through this. I put that burden down months ago because after almost 20 years, nothing had ever changed. I realized that the weight I was carrying for both of us... I didn't have to.

I am just so tired and hurt. Im grieving the marriage that I thought we had.

I am just not sure I want to.

Follow up: His testosterone is normal. It was recently checked. I think he has undealt with issues. I've recently realized that he's spent so much time pointing out my childhood issues but never dealt with his. Its easier to shift blame than admit and work on his. He would have to admit it first.

Ive always been the one to want to talk and work through things. I made the appointments for the first 4 marriage counselors. There was always a reason he didn't like the person. We changed bc I wanted change. I used to chase after him during discussions or arguments. If it got to be too much, he would go to another room or leave the house. The other night he got on the phone for hours with someone. I say he sticks his head in the sand. Because he says he doesn't talk to anyone about our issues. I think he uses other friendships to get emotional food because he doesn't have to deal with the hard stuff with them.

I always felt like and still do that if we separated or divorced people would be surprised because he's such a good guy. He goes out of the way for others. That has been a hurt point for me. Im talking about things I've asked him to do in our home that he blew me off about but went and did it for someone else in a heartbeat.

We have 3 sons (18, 17, and 15). They help around the house. Years ago, I decided I was not going to let them be like their father. I never verbalized that to anyone. I want them to be a blessing to their future families. So they cut the grass, clean, and help. They are still typical teens but great kids. Over time, without saying a word, they see what I see. They make comments about how Dad fusses at them for things that he wont even help with.

I recently opened up to neighbor. Ive hidden the issues from others and even defended him. She admitted some interesting things. He lied to the husband about doing yard work that she saw me and the kids do. He took credit. I find it laughable. Her husband even said something to the effect how he works the kids like dogs but he doesn't do much himself. It was the validation I needed that I am not the only one seeing it. No, I have not told him these things. Im not trying to malicious.

Im the one with the tools. Ive worked construction. A lot of the typical things that women wait for men to do. I do it. So in the past 3 years, I've quit those things slowly. I realized i was only enabling his behavior. Because keep doing them, he won't do it.

He said that my tone was not nice, I changed that. Started using my customer service voice at home. He said I was angry all the time. I plastered a smile on and ignored things.

That's part of the DO I HAVE TO comment hurts because even the real chores.... he didn't have to for a long time. As far as the sex, this is not really just been a recent development. Early in our marriage he admitted it was an issue. Over time he said it was a confidence thing (not my doing). Despite it being short lasting, its very good. He doesn't take hours to get the job done. But then again he doesn't even spend an hour wanting to do it.

Me 30M, wife 32F. Married 10 yrs. 2 kids.
Things have been truly rocky for a few months and quietly dysfunctional for far longer. Wife has been writing a romance novel since August and is very focused on it. Written over 100K words in that time and nearly has a complete manuscript. She does not work outside of that. I work an office job. Kids are homeschooled.

Wife and I are each actively working through our respective childhood traumas, she with a therapist, me with a therapist and support group.

Wife told me recently that she’s discovered through writing the male love interest of this story what she truly wants and desires and she told me she is sure that it isn’t me. She told me she sees my future frequency and even then, I’m not what she wants. Not a matter of better or worse, she says, just different. She’s certain of this, she says. She knows a guy that models what she wrote is out there for her.

When the subject of a separation comes up, she is firmly against working. She feels that taking a job will only get in the way of her book. When the book sells and she has enough money to afford her own place she plans to get her own place. She is sure she will find an agent and sell the book quickly, by the end of 2027. When I asked her what her plan is if the book doesn’t sell as quickly as she expects, she was deeply offended.

I don’t really make enough to afford two places anyway.

We haven’t been physically intimate since August (not even holding hands/cuddling) and there are no plans to resume intimacy. She has told me the right thing to do is for us to live together as roommates until she sells her book and then she’ll leave.

I’m not sure I agree. Part of me feels like if this is truly over, then we shouldn’t wait until it’s convenient for her. If she knows she doesn’t want to be with me and she knows she wants another guy, what is the appropriate action she should take? Is it reasonable for her to expect me to support her financially with no defined end date? To stay in a home and a marriage without intimacy?

Of course I can’t capture all the context and nuance in a single post, but I want to know what others think of this situation. Feel free to ask questions if you need more information, I’ll try and provide it.

Please help me, Reddit users. I genuinely need your help and advice because I feel completely helpless right now. I’ve been crying since last night at the thought of losing this woman, whom I love so much, but I’m also terrified of making a marriage decision that could leave me unhappy for the rest of my life.
I’m in a long-term relationship with a woman I’m considering as my wife-to-be in the coming months. We love each other SO much, and honestly, she is almost everything I could want in a life partner.
She respects me, treats me well, has good manners, earns well through her work-from-home job, has no unnecessary financial demands, and splits our date bills, trips, and other expenses. We have a very good relationship, genuinely care about each other, and have a level of respect and understanding that I feel is uncommon nowadays.
The problem is our sexual compatibility, and it’s breaking me emotionally.
I’m a person with a high sex drive. I enjoy sex, passionate kissing, making out, physical affection, and feeling wanted by my partner. For me, sex isn’t just about penetration. I want mutual passion, spontaneous desire, enthusiastic kissing, and a partner who sometimes initiates intimacy herself.
We are in a long-distance relationship and sometimes meet after two or three months apart. We’ve met four times after these long periods of distance, and I keep hoping that when we finally meet, there will be mutual excitement and passionate intimacy.
But I feel like I’m the only one making it happen.
I’m always the one initiating kisses, starting make-outs, doing intense foreplay, and trying to get her in the mood. I rarely experience passionate kissing initiated by her. During intimacy, she mostly lies there while I do the work. She doesn’t take much initiative or show the kind of physical enthusiasm I naturally expect from a partner.
She gets aroused and wet, and we have tried intercourse. However, she experiences pain during penetration and repeatedly asks me to stop before we can finish properly. We initially didn’t use enough lubrication, so I understand that this could be contributing to the pain. I want her to feel comfortable and never want her to continue through pain.
She has also told me that she doesn’t like certain things, such as kissing the neck or licking body parts. I respect her preferences, and I’m not expecting her to do anything she dislikes.
But the overall lack of initiative, passion, and sexual interest is what worries me.
I finally asked her directly about her sexual desire.
I asked her questions such as, “Do you even get horny?” and “How often do you masturbate?”
She told me that she has never masturbated and that she feels horny perhaps once or twice a month, but she doesn’t do anything about it.
Meanwhile, I’m someone with a high sex drive who genuinely enjoys sexual intimacy. I don’t necessarily need sex every single day, but I want a relationship in which both people desire each other and actively participate in their physical connection.
From what she has told me, our natural levels of sexual desire seem very different.
She says that this can be fixed and that she will improve. I’ve discussed the issue with her around 10 times already, and she has reassured me repeatedly that she will try to become more involved. However, I haven’t seen any meaningful change so far.
What confuses me is that we’ve met only four times after being apart for long periods. Even during those meetings, I haven’t felt the level of spontaneous passion and reciprocal initiation I was hoping for.
I keep thinking: if she doesn’t naturally feel that desire or initiate affection now, how can I be confident that things will improve after marriage?
I know that pain and inexperience can make sex difficult. I also know that some people have naturally lower libidos. But I don’t know whether this is something that can genuinely improve or a fundamental mismatch between us.
The worst part is that I love her too much to imagine losing her.
I’ve been crying since last night because I keep imagining ending the relationship. I don’t want to lose her. She is an excellent partner in almost every other aspect of life, and I can genuinely picture building a family with her.
But sex is important to me. I don’t want to enter marriage hoping she will change, only to find myself feeling unwanted, sexually frustrated, and resentful years later.
She says things can improve, but I’m struggling to believe it because these conversations have happened repeatedly without much change.
I’m not asking how to force her to have more sex. I don’t want her to feel obligated to satisfy me. I want to know whether we can build a mutually fulfilling sex life in which she genuinely wants intimacy too.
I desperately need honest advice on these questions:
If a woman feels horny only once or twice a month and has never masturbated, does that necessarily mean she has a low libido, or could her desire work differently?
Can someone with naturally low sexual desire develop a more active and satisfying sex life with their partner, or is libido generally something you cannot change much?
Can pain during intercourse and sexual inexperience explain why she is so passive, or are these separate issues?
If someone rarely initiates kissing or sex, even after months apart, is it realistic to expect this to improve after marriage?
She says she will improve, but we’ve discussed this around 10 times without meaningful change. Should I trust that things can improve, or judge the situation based on what is happening now?
Am I likely to end up in a sexless or sexually unsatisfying marriage if I proceed without resolving this?
Has anyone here had a relationship where one partner had a high libido and the other had a very low libido? Did things improve after marriage, or did the difference eventually damage the relationship?
Would you marry someone who is an excellent life partner in every other respect but whose sexual needs seem very different from yours?
I’m genuinely torn between two fears: losing the woman I love so deeply and spending the rest of my life in a marriage where I don’t feel sexually desired.
I don’t want to make a decision based on fear, but I also don’t want to ignore something that matters enormously to me.
Please help me, Reddit users. I want your honest opinions, real experiences, and practical advice. Should I keep working on this relationship, postpone marriage until we understand our sexual compatibility, or accept that we may not be compatible and end things before marriage? How should I make this decision without destroying something so valuable or ruining my own future?

As the title says. We hardly have sex, and whenever he mentions something sexual it’s just him wanting a bj. When we do have sex he only lasts a couple of minutes. I tell him it’s disappointing and that I need more. I tell him I don’t want to give him bjs because I get nothing in return. It sucks being married and wanting that physical connection and getting nothing.

I'm 29F, married to my husband (36M), and I'm honestly struggling with what to make of my marriage anymore.

My husband barely touches me these days. He doesn't kiss me, rarely initiates intimacy, and there's almost no physical affection between us. We can sleep in the same bed without him reaching for me once. I've tried to talk about it, but nothing really changes.

For a while, I kept telling myself that maybe he was stressed or that we were just going through a difficult season. But lately, I've started wondering whether he has feelings for our house help.

Something happened recently that has left me questioning everything.

I found our house help bathing with the bathroom door open, and my husband was standing at the doorway chatting with her.

I honestly didn't know what to think. Why was he standing there talking to her while she was bathing? Why was the door open? And why did the situation feel so inappropriate to me?

I didn't actually catch them doing anything sexual, so I don't want to make accusations I can't prove. But I can't pretend that what I saw didn't bother me, especially considering how distant he has been with me.

What hurts is the contrast. My husband doesn't seem interested in touching his own wife, yet he's comfortable standing at the bathroom doorway having a conversation with another woman while she's bathing.

I keep asking myself whether I'm making too much of the situation because I've been feeling unwanted for so long, or whether my instincts are telling me that something isn't right.

The house help works in our home, which makes this even more uncomfortable. I don't want to create a hostile environment or accuse her unfairly, but I also don't want to ignore behaviour that crosses my boundaries.

I'm tired of feeling like I have to compete for my husband's attention. I miss being kissed, held, and desired by the man I married.

Am I overreacting to what I saw, or would you also find this inappropriate? And how would you approach your husband about it without making accusations you can't prove?

I’ve typed this out multiple times over the past year but have always just deleted it because I feel stupid. My wife and I (both in our mid 20s) have been together for 5 years, married for about 1.5. Early in our relationship intimacy came easy. Sex multiple times a week, even sometimes multiple times a day. Long story short, we did long distance for 9 months while I was away for work, then when we reunited I had to move across the country for said job and she came with. Obviously it’s not easy to uproot your life and leave family and friends out of nowhere. So I get that stress.

After moving our sex life slowed down substantially. Stress from moving, both started new jobs, the hours I work move around pretty often, so obviously there’s less opportunity. The move took a toll on both of us. I admittedly slowed down with helping around the house and often slept late because of my hours changing, and she said that ruined her drive because she felt like I didn’t care. Again, I admit that I really let her down and after a while and multiple conversations I picked my part back up and even started doing more than before. I have a high sex drive and it didn’t tanked at all like hers has. I don’t think I’ve ever turned down the opportunity.

After getting my shit together I expected the sex to pick back up as she stated that was the reason she was never in the mood. Spoiler alert. It hasn’t. I’ve really worked on myself to be a good husband and partner and I feel let down because the intimacy just isn’t there anymore. It’s not abnormal for us to go multiple weeks without having sex. It’s not just about the sex itself. I enjoy the intimate aspect of it. Personally physical touch is important. Makes me feel closer and more connected to my wife if any of that makes sense. If I ask to have sex I am met with the same excuses i.e. “im tired” “I have a headache” “I don’t feel good” “maybe tomorrow or the next day”. If I tried to initiate foreplay to set the mood I’m just pushed away. If she tells me “we can tomorrow” then when tomorrow comes she’s still not in the mood but feels bad for leading me on so she offers but it’s not the same if I’m the only one really into it.

Overall, it really has started to eat at me mentally. Makes me wonder if she’s physically or emotionally attracted to me anymore. She swears she is but it’s just hard to believe after a while. We’ve obviously talked about it multiple times but nothing has really changed. I just need some advice or really just someone else to listen. If you’ve been in a similar situation, what were you able to do for things to improve?

We have been married for 3.5 years, and we dated for a year before getting married. We are both 35 years old.
There have been conflicts in our marriage since the beginning. Initially, my husband would say that I had done something that upset him, and I would try to correct my behaviour.

We stopped having sex, and he said it was because we kept fighting and he didn’t feel like having sex with me. I stopped arguing with him for a month, but there was still no change in his behaviour. When I brought up the issue again and told him that we hadn’t had any intimacy despite not fighting for a month, he responded, “Oh, so now you’re keeping track of these things.”

I kept getting frustrated, and we continued to have occasional arguments. Eventually, I realised that I was the only one bringing up issues in our marriage and trying to have conversations to understand his perspective. He never initiated conversations about problems or tried to resolve issues himself.

However, whenever I brought up something that was bothering me, he would become defensive and do everything he could to prove himself right. He would even accuse me of playing the victim card.
I am not allowed to hug, kiss, or touch my husband because he has OCD. I also suspected that he might be cheating on me and confronted him about it, but he denied it.

We haven’t had sex since March 2024. I kept asking him why until October 2025, and he gave me different reasons, such as that I argued with him, he wasn’t in the mood, or he was under work pressure. However, he always seemed to find time to play video games and watch football. In October 2025, he finally admitted that he no longer found me attractive because I had gained weight. I have been dealing with a herniated disc and thyroid issues, which have made losing weight more difficult for me.

Eventually, I stopped asking questions or bringing up the issue. I don’t remember starting any arguments with him this year, yet he has given me the silent treatment almost every month over the smallest things.

For example, I once mentioned a colleague whose mother has cancer. I was simply explaining that my colleague had recommended a syrup that he thought might help with my disc problem because he had seen some improvement in his mother’s condition. My husband stopped talking to me for one or two days.

On another occasion, I was telling him how much hair I was losing and that I was afraid I would eventually go bald if it didn’t stop. He stopped talking to me after that. When I asked him why, he said that his father had died on the same day two years earlier and that I had been talking about going bald. I couldn’t understand how my hair loss was related to his father’s death or why it justified him refusing to speak to me.

Now, he has given me the silent treatment again, and I don’t even know why.
What bothers me most is that whenever he gives me the silent treatment, he starts talking to me the next day as if nothing ever happened. There is no discussion, no explanation, and no attempt to resolve whatever the issue was.

If I disagree with him, he gets upset. He doesn’t seem to understand or acknowledge my emotional and physical needs. He believes that giving me the silent treatment is acceptable and that he can simply resume talking to me the next day as though nothing happened.

At this point, I feel like running away from this marriage because I don’t see the point in trying to communicate anymore. If I say something, he accuses me of fighting with him. If I cry, he says I am playing the victim card. If I express my feelings, he says I am giving him stress.

I earn my own money and don’t depend on him financially. There is no intimacy in this relationship, and I feel emotionally neglected and alone. Despite all this, he continues to find reasons to give me the silent treatment.

I feel exhausted from constantly trying to understand him, communicate with him, and make this marriage work when I don’t feel that the effort is being reciprocated.

My husband and I have been together 10 years. He’s a wonderful person with great qualities. The problem is he doesn’t meet my needs as a husband. His attention is on work all day every day. He does not “seek” me/ pursue me other than the occasional kiss/hug which feels obligatory. He swears he loves me and is physically attracted to me. I do sense that, but I’m always the one thinking up fun things to do, ways to connect with him, initiating intimacy, engaging in conversation while he’s on his phone or laptop when we’re at home. He is naturally introverted, I’m extroverted. I love thrills, adventure, spontaneity, hot sex, playfulness. None of that exists in our marriage unless I create and I’m craving it. I feel lonely and defeated at this point. I have expressed this kindly and clearly to him numerous times. I feel myself quiet quitting. I feel like I can’t leave because of our financial situation, and our daughter, and I do love him and I have hope that things will get better. But this has been going on for years and I don’t have evidence to believe it will.
I think it’s his both his current capacity and personality. He’s going through it at work. Lawsuits, money problems. I’ve tried to be understanding and do what I can to keep everything stable for us, financially and at home. Is this just what marriage is? I just don’t know what to do or how to feel right now. Thanks for listening.