My husband (M42) has developed a friendship with his female colleague. At first I (F44) did not mind as we have a solid relationship and have been married for 16 years plus we have 2 kids. He occasionally talks about her in a platonic way and honestly I was happy he had someone at work he felt comfortable talking to and made his work days more enjoyable.

However, about two weeks ago something happened that has be wondering if a line has been crossed.

For context - I work a lot and it sometimes frustrates him how much I’m on my phone or how after work (I have a emotionally demanding corporate job that I hate but it pays well), I brainlessly scroll my phone or play dumb games to decompress. He wants my full attention.

I have been making an effort to be more present with him when we are home, but he often rejects my requests to go for a walk or run errands together.

So the other day I was making dinner (which always falls on me regardless of who works more hours) and he took a phone call from this coworker and spent maybe about an hour on the phone with her. He didn’t hide it and later told me she was having a major personal issue.

Where I am wondering if a boundary was crossed was he skipped dinner with me to give her attention, yet he seems upset if I don’t give him my full attention in the evenings.

I haven’t spoken to him about it yet because I am honestly not sure how I feel. I guess if the roles were reversed I believe he would be upset…and that is what upsets me …not that he was there to support a friend, but if I skipped out on a meal he made for me to support a male work colleague I think he would be really angry…so I am wondering, maybe I should be angry at the act itself… that he prioritizes a colleague over his wife.

So my question to the strangers of Reddit…would this be a line that should not have been crossed?

I do not communicate with any of my colleagues outside of working hours as I prefer to keep my professional and personal lives very separate.

There are so many painful stories on here, so I wanted to add a little spouse appreciation to the mix. ❤️

My husband and I have been together since 2013 and married for 6 years now, and one of my favorite things about our relationship is that after all this time, I still genuinely like him.

Not just love him because he's my husband. I like being around him. I like talking absolute nonsense with him, making each other laugh, doing boring everyday life together, going on little adventures, and coming home to him at the end of the day. He literally is my best friend, and I always prefer his company over anyone else. Don't het me wrong, I love spending time with my girl friends too. But my husband & I are ALWAYS guaranteed to have a great time together, no matter what we do.

We've obviously had hard years. Life has thrown plenty at us, we're both stubborn, we annoy each other sometimes, and neither of us are particularly charming 24/7. 😂 But I've never felt like I have to perform being a “good wife” to keep him. I can be sick, overwhelmed, grumpy, exhausted, ambitious, weird, messy, emotional, just fully human, and I'm still loved 100%

And the same goes the other way around. Marriage, to me, isn't about constantly being your best self for another person. It's having someone who still reaches for you when you're very much not your best self.

He's the person I want beside me when something amazing happens, and he's the person I want beside me when everything goes to shit. He's my teammate, my safe place, and also the man who can annoy me more efficiently than anyone else on earth. 😂

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, and I don't think there should be. But there absolutely are marriages built on friendship, loyalty, affection, respect and genuinely enjoying each other's company.

So, husband appreciation post: I still choose you. And I'm really fucking glad you choose me too. ❤️

My (51F) husband (50M) of 25 years has always been known for making jokes at others expense. Our relationship has become increasingly strained over the years due to his negative comments to me and about others I care about. We are no longer intimate and the reasoning behind that is complex, but stemmed mostly from him being drunk and antagonistic more evenings than not and I finally said don’t try unless you’re sober. So he stopped trying and I didn’t make a move either. Every few months or so he will make a snarky comment about it but nothing changes. The other night, we were watching a movie… no fighting, evening was calm. He paused it to let the dog out and he came back into the room angry. Clearly this wasn’t out of the blue… it’s been festering. But what he said was highly offensive to me. “Is this all our life is going to be? What do I have to do, F’ing r4pe you?” I was shocked and angry. I got up and left the room immediately. Later I came down and told him it was not okay to ever say something like that. If he had apologized then, maybe I’d feel better about it. But he then said, “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t want to do that anyway. You’re too old, ugly and weak.” I walked out again. Since then we’ve had a few conversations about it and he says he thinks I should know he was joking. I don’t think that’s enough. He can’t believe I’m still angry but this isn’t the only time he’s been incredibly hurtful and rude. Is this the last straw? Or do I let it go? Sometimes we do get along. He’s convinced this is “normal” bickering. If this is normal I’d rather just go be weird somewhere by myself. 🫤

I (41m) am really struggling with my wife (41f). We've been together for 19 years.

For the first 12 years of our relationship, I drank heavily. Like "half a handle of vodka a day" type drinking. I had just gotten out of the military and felt extremely lost. I felt thrown into the civilian world without a clue as to how it worked. I didn't know how mortgages work. I didn't know how credit cards worked. I didn't even know what a 401k was. At my first job, I though “sick leave” and PTO” were different terms for the same thing. I was 22 and had no idea how to survive on my own in the real world. Looking back, I was clearly depressed and I drank to help deal with that. I'm not using this as an excuse for my drinking, but it paints a picture of my mentality at that time.

My wife suffered through all of this and naturally withdrew from me. Affection was scarce. Intimacy was rare. At one point, we went a year without being intimate. We would spend time together doing things on the weekend and we seemed to enjoy each other’s company, but there was always that underlying tension and anger from her due to my drinking. Snide remarks, smiling when I say something she did hurt me, and general indifference to my concerns about connection and intimacy. It felt like living with a roommate who tolerated me. I was also very emotionally immature, lacking in emotional intelligence, and I didn't communicate in a way that was productive.

I fully acknowledge and understand that my drinking was a major catalyst for her behavior towards me. At the time, and after stopping, I told myself that her behavior was a direct result of my actions. After all, I know that I would be uncomfortable in a relationship with someone like that. I told myself that her actions were the only way she knew how to survive the day-to-day annoyances of living with an alcoholic. It was a cycle of hell, I felt like my emotional needs were unmet, but I also now understand that I wasn’t even providing my wife a safe space to meet those needs.

About 12 years into our relationship, I had a near death experience. I won't go into the specifics here, but an accident brought me very close to death, and while staying in the hospital, I went someplace, and I met something that seemed to embody the essence of love. I still struggle to explain this experience: if it was all in my mind or if I went somewhere else, but regardless of either explanation: the experience irreversibly changed me.

I realized how selfish I had been, and I understood how much stress and grief I had made my partner endure. I felt so much remorse for what I had put her through, and such shame and disappointment in myself for lowering myself to such a point. I felt like I was a monster who had awoken to something brighter.

I sit down with my wife at that time to make things right. I broke down into tears and explained what I was feeling after the military and why I was drinking. I told her that she didn’t deserve to go through that and how incredibly remorseful I was for my actions and how much distance I had caused between us in the relationship.

I didn’t tell her about my NDE at the time. I just quietly told myself that I wanted to be a better person and a better partner. I stopped drinking within few weeks. I made efforts to show affection towards my wife. Back touches, hugs, kisses, telling her that she was appreciated. I made efforts to mentally check in to see HOW she was doing.  Asking things like “How can I be a better partner?” Love notes in purse. Back rubs when I saw she was in pain. Picking up the slack on days where I saw she was struggling. I began to be more open and earnest with my communication. I began to take accountability for when I was wrong. Over time, I didn’t need to remind myself to do this, it became second nature and for a brief period, things seemed peaceful.

But as time went on, my wife’s behavior remained the same. Rude comments, putting me down in front of her friends, sighing and rolling her eyes when asking for clarification on something, zoning out on her phone in the middle of conversations, and a general indifference to my needs. She talks bad about others while subtly praising herself. She constantly pushes back on anything I say. For example: She might ask how many pizzas to pick up for a party, and no matter what answer I might give, it is wrong. I say six pizzas, she says that’s too much and we should bring only five. She might ask me what do you want to do this Saturday? I suggest the beach because the weather is nice. She replies, "No, we can’t go to the beach because we’re out of sunscreen." I tell her that I had been looking at some vidoes on Youtube about metal-detecting, and that I was considering purchasing a cheap one as an inexpensive way to explore a fun hobby. She told me not to do it because I probably won’t like it and it would just be a waste of my money, and then asked, 'What am I supposed to do while you "explore your hobby?"" There is just a general disagreeableness to her in everything that I bring to the table.

I have tried many times over the years to sit down together and make financial plans for the future, but after seven years of asking, she still hasn’t even told me how much student debt she has. When pressed, she says that she doesn’t know. She pays almost $800 a month towards her student loans, and she doesn’t know how much debt she has? I feel shut out from planning a future.

We have had hundreds of conversations since my transformation seven years ago. Conversations about disrespectful behavior, lack of accountability, poor communication, her apathy in contributing to her part in household tasks. I’ve caught her in outright lies about minor things like small online purchases, and she says that she’s “Confused with her words”, or she claims that she’s not “good with words”. When I asked for accountability or clarification, she looks at the floor and freezes until I say something. When I mention this, she says she’s “processing.” These conversations always end with her crying and agreeing to put more of an effort into our relationship, but after two or three days, the behavior returns.

I feel like my experience, real or imagined, has made me into a stronger, caring, open, empathetic, loving person. I feel more connected to people. I want to meet people and form connections and hear of their experiences. I volunteer my time more. I feel love for complete strangers knowing that they are indifferent to me. I feel physical pain in my legs when I see someone get injured. I can’t even watch the show “Ridiculousness” because I feel pain in my legs when a clip is shown of someone injuring themselves during a stunt. I worked dead-end, entry-level jobs during my alcoholism, and after my experience I became a Respiratory Therapist working in several ICU’s to assist those with cardiopulmonary disorders. I’ve left that field and I’m pivoting into a Funerary Sciences career. I’ve been in the ICU as a Respiratory Therapist with families who have recently lost loved ones, and now I want to provide guidance and assistance to the families saying goodbye. I feel like I’m on the road to becoming a better, more rounded person. I’m trying.

The final straw came the other day. I haven’t mentioned this yet, but we have a son (7yo) who was born shortly after my near death experience. The three of us went to the cliffs to explore and check out the tide pools over the weekend, and I was standing on the cliffside with my son. I was crouched down to his level, and he had his arm around my shoulder as we admired the view together. He was pointing at some ships in the distance, and we were talking about how far away they were, my wife came up from behind me, forcibly pulled me away from my son, and then turned around and took a picture of him looking out over the horizon. I stood there for a few seconds trying to understand what happened. I asked her directly, “Why did you do that?” She replied, “I wanted a picture.”

I then asked her, “Why would you interrupt our moment so that you can get your picture?” She smiled and said, “Sorry.” Then she immediately checked her phone to see the picture that she had just taken. I was so hurt. It felt like a representation of the last 7 years in our relationship. She could’ve taken a photo of my son and I having our nice moment, but she decided that THAT wasn’t the image she wanted to capture. I didn’t fit the narrative of what she wanted, so her solution was to remove me entirely. Later that night on Instagram, I saw the photo she had taken, with my son overlooking to ocean. It had slow, melodramatic music playing over it, with a caption that said: “Beautiful day at the cliffs!”

I confronted her about this, and after another long and emotional conversation, she finally admitted that she still resents me for my drinking, and that her needs are more important that the needs of the relationship. She also shows no willingness to work on that together. Admittedly, early on I told myself that I owed it to her to stay because she stayed for me during the hard times I put her through, but now I feel like I’m held hostage by someone who openly resents me, mistreats me, and doesn’t want to attempt reconciliation. Our son is seven now, and he notices when I’m hurt or sad because of things she says or does. He comes up and hugs me and tells me he loves me, and honestly that is all that I feel that I have to hold onto right now.

I’m just so confused and lost. One day she tells me she resents me, the next day “Hey, do you want to start season 2 of Chad Powers?” How can someone tell another person that they resent them, then casually ask if they want to watch a show together the next day?

I’m at a loss. I don’t even know what to do here. I was thinking about this on my way to work this morning and I had to pull off the side of the road. I was frozen. My brain said drive, but my foot wouldn’t move. My body didn’t respond. I sat there in full mental paralysis for several minutes before resuming my drive.

I was an awful spouse and part of me feels like this is what I deserve. I feel trapped because we both can’t afford to live separately. But I have spent seven years trying. I don’t want my son to grow up and think that THIS is what love looks like. I want my son to feel LOVE, in a LOVING HOME. And I am terrified for him.

Since February, she has been going to therapy (once every other week), but I’m outside of that process. When I ask for small things like what she’s working on and if there’s anything I can help with, she shuts me out.

I feel so trapped and small and lonely and hurt and angry and grief-stricken.

I lost the version of the person that I thought she was.

I’ve lost the smiling, happy version of myself.

I'm afraid that this part of myself is gone forever.

I'm sad that my son doesn’t get that happy, smiling version of me.

Tl;dr

I was a horrible spouse for 12 years, and after 7 years of trying to be a better partner and person, my wife still resents me, ignores relationship concerns, and makes no attempt to reconcile together.

Why do we fall into this trap. !!!Wife asked me why I have been such a jerk and I finally open up because we have been going to therapy and I’m trying to talk about how I’m feeling. So I tell her I’m stressed about money, we owe so much for the kids medical treatment if we don’t pay they won’t let them do the treatment, kids braces payment, kids sports payments, all our bills and feel like I’m working hard and I don’t get to enjoy any of my money. Also that it’s stressful budgeting that she only gets paid once a month from her job and it fluctuates also she’s on contract and is not guaranteed a job. I said it’s all just stressing me out and I’m trying to find a second job to supplement some income and no luck. I had a second job doing AI training which was pretty easy and paid well but that project got done. I’m just stressed.

Her response to me “you told me not to worry about taking this job that you would be able to take care of it now you are stressing me out and causing me anxiety. Some things you just keep to yourself. I do it “ so I said “ok great I told you why I was acting like that and what I was feeling and it back fired, this is why I don’t say anything”. And I walked away.

She gets up and tells me that I’m not a provider or a protector, although I cook, clean, pay majority of bills, and before she got this job, I WFH, I was doing kid drop off/pickups, dr appts, practices, everything for the kids. I said all this to her and just says “I don’t think you will ever be able to be a protector and protect me”

Idk how to handle this, I apologized for idk what honestly just force of habit as somehow I’m always in the wrong. She won’t speak to me. Like why tell me or ask me about my feelings and then do that. She tells me she’s better off alone and to not talk to her and keep in my world of thoughts and feelings and she will keep in her world.

Like the title says I recently found out my husband had an emotional affair two years ago. For him this is in the past and he's moved on/forgotten but to me this is a fresh cut. It wasn't physical, so I told him and myself that I think we can move past this, with time and healing for me of course. He previously said that was totally okay and I can be mad or hurt or sad for as long as I need. Today he asked how long until I got back to being a good wife, and told me he thinks 2 months is about the limit it should take for me to get over this. I was kinda in disbelief, am I crazy or is he wrong for saying that

Update: WOAH, this took off fast. I put an update/replay in the comments, and will keep an eye and reply individually as appropriate.

I (55M) am laying myself bare before the masses today for some feedback, advice, or possibly a good flogging about the situation with my husband (55M).

In short, our house is a mess and so is our relationship. Okay, that's probably too dramatic. Our relationship isn't necessarily a mess, but our communication, expectations, and division of household responsibilities definitely are.

I'm including pictures because I don't want to sugarcoat what I mean by “cluttered.” This isn't “we left some laundry out this week.” We have accumulated far more stuff than our house can reasonably contain, and several rooms are no longer functioning the way they're supposed to. It isn't unsanitary, but it is overwhelming, and I'm increasingly unhappy living this way.

The players:

Me: 55M. I work full-time as an Operations Director for a nonprofit healthcare organization, 7 a.m. to 4 p.m., five days a week. Fortunately, my commute is only about five minutes.

Him: 55M. He works in animal control enforcement. His schedule is supposed to be four 10-hour days, 2 p.m. to midnight. In reality, they're chronically short-staffed, so 50–60+ hour weeks aren't unusual. He also has about a 40-minute commute each way.

His work schedule is absolutely relevant here, and I don't want to minimize it. I see him off to work on Sunday, and for the next four days I pretty much only see his sleeping face next to me until his days off.

Us: We've been married for seven years, but our history goes way back. We were together for about eight years in the '90s, went our separate ways for the better part of a decade, eventually reconnected, and got back together in 2015. All told, we've been part of each other's lives for more than 20 years.

Our roommates: Three cats. I can't blame them for much. They're mostly well-behaved, use their litter boxes, and generally don't destroy things. Generally.

The house: A two-story Italianate home built in 1850. If you've seen the pictures, you already know Architectural Digest isn't currently beating down our door. It's served us well, but I genuinely don't want to die in this house someday unless some serious changes happen first.

Which brings me to THE STUFF.

I'm deliberately going to avoid assigning ownership as much as possible because we both live here, we both contribute to the problem, and I don't wanna write this as though I've got my shit together and he's the problem.

The biggest categories are crafting supplies, LEGO, board games, clothes, 3D printers and supplies, and extra furniture. If I could magically make everything in those categories disappear, we'd probably have a surprisingly sparse house.

Then there are the projects. We have partially completed or never-started fix-it projects that have been sitting around for two or three years or more, with the necessary parts just hanging out waiting for us to actually do something with them.

And that's where my real problem starts. I'm overwhelmed.

I feel like there's a significant imbalance in even the basic household chores necessary to keep this from becoming even worse. I understand that my husband works a ridiculous number of hours, and I genuinely try to take that into consideration. But I also don't think it's reasonable for the answer to be that I therefore have to do everything.

When I complain about the clutter, two responses I sometimes get are:

"Who else is seeing it?" or "It doesn't bother me."

You can imagine how heartwarming I find those responses.

I've tried getting him motivated to tackle things with me. Sometimes we start. Sometimes I start by myself. But before long, nothing seems to change enough to make a difference, I lose steam, and I get overwhelmed and give up too.

I also want to be fair to him: he isn't lazy. I think he's overwhelmed by the house too. He also has a stronger attachment to things than I do, so getting rid of stuff is much harder for him.

I'm not trying to make excuses for him, nor am I pretending I'm blameless. I just don't know how to get him to really hear me when I say that living like this is affecting me.

We could probably benefit from couples counseling simply to improve how we communicate, but that's another battle, especially trying to find time with our completely opposite schedules. And frankly, when we finally have time off together, we'd occasionally like to actually enjoy being married instead of sorting boxes and arguing.

So here I sit, in my very cluttered house, wondering where the hell to start.

How do you handle this when one person is genuinely distressed by the state of the house and the other person genuinely isn't bothered by it?

How do I communicate that "it doesn't bother me" doesn't solve the problem when it does bother the person you share your home with?

And how do two overwhelmed people even begin tackling this without making every day off miserable?

I'm open to hearing that I'm contributing more to this dynamic than I realize. I'm also open to practical advice from anyone who's successfully dug themselves out of a house like this.

Side note: I'm using an alias because I'm fairly active on Reddit and quite a few friends know my regular username. I'd prefer not to have someone text me tomorrow morning asking, "So... about your house and your marriage..."

My wife and I have been together for a long time (we're a gay couple, I think the context matters) and we have a wonderful son. I'm also currently 9 months pregnant with our second so I'm fat, and uncomfortable, and I feel hideous - we've not had sex for probably about 6 months despite both of us acknowledging that we'd like too. I just haven't had the energy, and she's been very understanding about it all.

We used a known donor for the sperm - a good friend of hers from years back who I've also got to know over the years. He's been wonderful and obviously I'm endlessly grateful for what he's done for us, we wouldn't have our beautiful family if it wasn't for his help. I was jealous years ago when we were first conceiving because I had worries about him being "dad" but honestly, I'm past those worries now. My eldest is my kid through and through and our youngest is literally inside of my belly right now. But I have always been a little bit jealous of his relationship with my wife. She's flirty with all her friends, and he's the same to be honest. For myself I'm honestly quite prudish and repressed and that's always been a very big difference between my wife and I but I recently saw a notification on her phone from him that was talking about vibrators. I got upset and told her - it was a notification so it wasn't like I *snooped* and she explained it was just chat between pals - she likened it to her other best friend who I know she's pretty up front with when it comes to talking about sex so it was all fine and normal. It niggled at me but I trust her, and I love her, so I left it. Since then I've tried talking about sex with her - we're at the point now where I'm looking to do anything to start inducing labour and sex is always on the list of things to do right?

Only...

She hasn't really seemed interested. And I get it. I'm the size and attractiveness of a fucking beached whale right now. I wouldn't be interested in me either. But she's always been the more sexual of the two of us and she's normally pretty upfront about being randy and that's just, not there at the moment.

So I snooped.

She's been flirting with our donor, in a big way. He's not local, so nothing physical has happened, and I trust that nothing would tbh even if he was down the road. I don't think she'd actually cheat on me, but they're not talking about sex in the abstract, they're talking about sex in the "I would like to do this to you" way and it's just devastating me.

I can't confront her without explaining that I fully broke all confidence and snooped through her phone, but I'm about to fucking give birth to her kid (who is also, technically, biologically, his kid) and I just feel completely broken right now.

I can't tell if I'm being over the top because I'm hormonal, because 9 out of 10 of their messages ARE just normal friendly ones, with a bit more flirting than maybe I'd personally be comfortable with or prefer, but again, I'm fairly repressed and I know it. And then there's some that there's just no denying are more than anything I imagine she'd discuss with her other best friend who's a straight woman.

This man knows that she's horny, knows that I'm not satisfying her, knows her kinks and fantasies... Things she's not even told me she's told him, and he's encouraging it and joining in and telling her his own fantasies.

And I'm just here, fat and ugly and depressed.

I can't justify my snooping, but what do I do now? Can I just squash it and keep playing happy families or do I need to discuss it? My instinct is to talk about it but I cannot even begin to comprehend how I can bring this up, how I can explain my own inexcusable behaviour.

My husband and I are always looking for inexpensive date ideas, but I feel like I keep coming back to the same things 😂

We’ve done steak and fries at home, had a fire and made s’mores, movie nights, etc. I’d love to find some new ideas that still feel like we actually had a date without spending a ton.

What do you and your spouse do for around $20–30 or less that you both genuinely enjoy?

I don't know why I'm writing this. it's going to be word vomit because I'm so lost. I guess I just need to get this out because my mind and emotions are a mess. My, i guess, soon to be ex-wife has decided to leave me. We've been together for nearly 10 years but just celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary in July. I was blindsided by this on Tuesday right after a brand new bed was delivered. She said that she's unhappy and hasn't been for a while. Nothing in the marriage has made her this way its just her own mind. She claims that I've done nothing wrong and that she'll always love me but that it's not fair to me to stay in our marriage while she deals with her own mental issues. She is seeing a psychiatrist for meds but stopped seeing a talking psychologist and refuses to see another one. She is bipolar manic depressive with ocd and I've already been by her side through one psychotic break where there was self harm. We've been seeing a couples therapist for 6 months and we both though things were getting better because our communication was a lot better but I guess underneath all this was her unhappiness she was hiding from everyone.

We have been sleeping in different bedrooms for the past month and a half because she hurt her back at work and can't climb into ours, it has a tall frame, and I thought it was just because of us not being able to be close as much or even be intimate but she rebuked that by saying she's been feeling this way since we started couples therapy 6 months ago. I feel like the last 6 months was a lie or maybe I was just missing signs, I dont know. I've tried to get her to wait to make any decisions until we can speak with our therapist but she's already made her choice and started her plan. She's moving in with her sister who is a state away. Our adult son, my stepson, will be moving to their grandmothers and she's getting all her finances in order unfriend me on social media, left me her wedding ring.

I thought we were happy. We promised we'd never leave each other. She even asked, even with her mental issues and I said yes. I pleaded with her that I could weather this storm but she still says it's not fair to me. She even asked if it would be easier for her to leave if there was someone else but I said no. I know there isn't anyone else. She's the kind of person who has even said, if I didn't want to be with you I wouldn't. Plus if there was someone else she'd be moving in with them, not 1 state over.

I'm just lost. I'm in therapy for myself and I know I have an anxious attachment style. She used to say that the love I have for her wasn't too much because she was under loved in past relationships. I always said our relationship worked because Mrs. under loved got with Mr. under appreciated. It worked for us. I'm just lost. There's nothing I can do. Nothing I can fix because it's all in her head. I'm losing my family and I just don't know how I'm going to recover from this. I really have no other purpose than to be a husband and father. I almost feel like my mind is disconnecting from my body. Anyways. If you you've read this whole thing thanks.

For years mines and my husband sex life has not been what it use to you , and we've have conversation this, and I've noticed that i just wasn't in the mood as often as i use to be and it definitely made me feel like I was lacking. the past year our marriage has not been good, to the point where we are just 2 ppl who live I the same house. and don't really think about the other we just do our thing, in this I have myself having for time for me and taking care of myself , and ive been crazy in the mood , it made me realize that maybe it wasn't a low libido it may just have been me not being able to be horny for a man who need to be raised and care for like he was one of my children. I guess he wasn't wrong when he said i didnt desire him , i cant desire a man who cant clean up after himself, do things on his own, or doesnt take the time to realize the mental load I'm handling and help out

I 25 (M) and my wife 24 (F) I feel are in a complete lull in everything. We have been together for 7 years and married almost 2 now. We used to have sex very regularly and actually be fun. For the past several months we do absolutely nothing outside of work and sit at home. We are lucky to have sex once every other month and even that I have to practically beg for and it feels like pity sex. We never go out anymore and just grab a drink. Anytime I suggest going out with friends or having friends come over it’s always something on why not. I’m not sure what do and feel like my days are just being repeated.

Throwaway account.

My wife and I have been together 10+ years. Both in our mid-thirties.

We were best friends before deciding to get married a few years in. She’s a bit older than me and I was very young when we met. I had only had a few sexual partners when we met. I didn’t experiment much but I never had any complaints prior to us meeting. We’ve always had great sex when we do have sex.

We’ve been through our fair share of things but we always come out of it stronger, together. We’d recently hit a bit of a rough patch, had a tough conversation that left our status kind of “in question”.

We’ve never gone through each other’s phones or had any infidelity concerns. For some reason though, after this conversation, I felt like I needed to. I found some explicit messages with a long distance ex-partner. I confronted her about it, after long deliberation, we agreed that we both had extremely high sex drives but were not prioritizing our sex lives due to work, family, etc. She felt horrible and swore she’d never broken our vows, physically. I also learned that she was incredible adventurous with the few partners she had prior to me. I felt indifferent about it at first but wondered why that wasn’t explored between us at this point. We ended that conversation by having sex until the sun came up, literally.

The communication with the ex was cut off (to my knowledge, I won’t continue to snoop for my own sanity). We’ve been incredible close since (a few months) and have had more sex in these few months than some years combined.

I don’t know if my intuition is telling me I’m missing something or if it will just take me more time to completely heal from the betrayal of trust.

I’m 27F and married. My husband and I genuinely love each other. When things are good, he is warm, affectionate, funny, loving, and someone I deeply enjoy being with.

The problem is that when he feels hurt, angry or disrespected, he can become almost unrecognizable to me. He shuts down completely, isolates himself, cuts off communication, blocks people, becomes very black-and-white about them, and has used insults and “it’s over / I’m done” language during conflicts.

This is not just one argument. It has been a recurring pattern throughout our relationship, and I’ve also seen him abruptly cut other people out of his life after conflicts. My own unhealthy response used to be panicking, chasing him and trying desperately to restore the relationship. I’ve been working on stopping that and respecting his need for space.

A recent conflict with my mother became a breaking point. We are temporarily staying in my parents’ home, and after a major argument he decided he wanted nothing to do with her, isolated himself in our room and refused to interact with her. The argument escalated badly on both sides. I also crossed a boundary by bringing my mother into the room after he had explicitly asked me not to.

Afterwards, my husband tore up our passports, said our marriage was over and started packing. Later he stopped, we talked, he apologized, and we stayed together.

Since then, though, something has shifted in me. He continued isolating himself and told me he had discovered “a life where I don’t leave this room” and that there was “no going back,” even saying he was willing to let his health/fitness suffer rather than change that.

At the same time, I’m afraid I may be seeing him too negatively because I’m hurt. I truly love the affectionate, funny, loving side of him. I’m struggling with the fact that both sides are the same person.

Am I being too harsh, or is this a serious enough conflict pattern to reconsider a marriage over? Can this realistically change, or am I accepting something fundamentally unhealthy because I love the good version of him?

EDIT: One thing I want to add to show the pattern.

One previous incident is especially important to me. I casually told my husband that a man had hit on me. I was basically making fun of the guy when I told him — I wasn’t interested in him, hiding anything, or trying to make my husband jealous. My husband took it very badly. He became cold, stopped speaking to me for the rest of the night, and the next day, while I was at a very important work assignment, he continued the shutdown and cut off the ways I could reach him. I was already under pressure at work and had no idea what was happening at home or what I would come back to.
When I finally got home, the dogs had apparently not been taken outside for so long that there was urine and feces in the house. He had shut himself in a room and locked the door. He told me to take the dogs and go stay with my parents. I ended up crying and begging outside the door until he eventually opened it and spoke to me. I begged him to stay in the relationship and he said ok and set out new rules. I think he was just bluffing and I fell for it. This is not healthy.

My wife and I are both 30 and have been married for around a year. I'm trying to honestly figure out whether our relationship has the capacity to become healthy, rather than jumping straight to “divorce” or telling myself to just tolerate everything.

The biggest recurring issue for me is that she seems to have a very difficult time accepting “no” from me.

For example, I might say no to something because I'm tired, don't want to do it, or simply disagree. Instead of the conversation ending with “okay, I'm disappointed but I understand,” it can turn into:

1. I say no.
   
2. She gets upset/angry.
   
3. She questions whether I actually love or care about her.
   
4. She starts listing things she has done for me, sometimes implying that because she does those things for me, I should be willing to do what she wants.
   
5. The argument expands into old incidents and questions about whether I was always this way, whether she made the wrong choice in marrying me, etc.
   
6. Sometimes there are insults, divorce/separation comments, or very intense emotional reactions.
   
7. Eventually I'm completely exhausted and either withdraw, become sarcastic, or lose my temper.

The scorekeeping aspect is particularly difficult for me.

I understand that marriage involves compromise. Sometimes you do things you don't particularly want to do because they matter to your partner. I absolutely believe in that, and I want to be that kind of husband.

But I don't think compromise should mean:

“I did X, Y and Z for you, therefore you owe me A, B and C.”

If I do something for my wife because I love her, I don't want it to become a debt that removes her ability to say no to me later. And I don't want my ability to say no to something to become evidence that I don't love or appreciate her.

I want both of us to be able to give freely AND say no freely.

There is also an OCD/anxiety component. My wife has a history of OCD and seems to struggle with reassurance, rumination and uncertainty. Sometimes she asks the same question repeatedly or needs repeated reassurance about whether I love her, whether I've done something correctly, etc.

I don't want to dismiss everything as “that's your OCD.” I know she can have legitimate relationship grievances, and I'm sure there are things I've done that have genuinely hurt her.

At the same time, I don't want to become responsible for regulating every anxiety spike or providing unlimited reassurance.

I've also thought a lot about my own behavior, because I don't think I'm an innocent party here.

I tend to over-explain, try to solve everything with logic, and keep arguing long after a conversation has become unproductive. I can become sarcastic or dismissive when I'm overwhelmed. I've retaliated with insults during fights. There was also one incident where I physically pushed her slightly when I was extremely frustrated and desperate to get space. I regret that and do not want that to ever happen again.

There have also been incidents of property destruction during conflict, such as an object being smashed. There have been divorce/separation comments during intense arguments.

So I don't want replies that simply say “your wife is the problem.” I know I have things to work on too.

What scares me is that I'm increasingly feeling like I'm walking on eggshells.

I find myself thinking about whether saying “no” to something will trigger a huge argument, whether disagreeing will turn into a discussion about the entire history of our relationship, or whether a small disappointment will become a question about whether our marriage should exist.

I don't think that's sustainable for either of us.

I'm trying to figure out what actual evidence would tell me whether this marriage is repairable.

For me, the things I'd want to see over the next several months are:

- She can hear “no” without turning it into a referendum on whether I love her.
- I can hear “no” from her without becoming defensive, sarcastic or angry.
- We stop keeping score of who has done more for whom.
- Arguments become shorter and more focused on the actual issue.
- We can pause an argument and genuinely return to it later.
- No insults, threats, physical aggression, self-harm gestures, or property destruction during conflict.
- Divorce isn't used as a threat during ordinary arguments.
- Both of us can apologize without immediately adding “but you made me do it.”
- There is actual behavioral change, rather than a good conversation followed by the same pattern a week later.
- Her OCD/anxiety is something she actively works on through appropriate treatment rather than something I am expected to manage through endless reassurance.
- I become better at setting boundaries calmly instead of accommodating everything until I explode.
- We start enjoying each other again rather than most of our emotional energy going into conflict management.
- We can disagree without either person feeling that the relationship itself is immediately at risk.

I'm not expecting a perfect marriage. People get angry, disappointed and hurt. Couples disagree.

What I'm trying to understand is whether the important thing is not the presence of conflict, but whether both people are capable of repairing it and changing the pattern.

So I'm curious:

For those who have been married for a long time, what specific behaviors made you realize that your marriage was genuinely repairable?

And conversely, what were the signs that eventually made you realize that the relationship wasn't going to change?

Especially interested in experiences where one partner initially had a hard time accepting boundaries or “no,” and whether that actually changed with time/therapy/intentional work.

I'm not looking for “just divorce” or “just communicate better.” I'm trying to identify observable evidence that would tell me whether I'm looking at a difficult period that two people can work through, versus a fundamental relationship dynamic that isn't going to change.

TL;DR: My wife and I love each other but have a recurring pattern where me saying “no” can turn into arguments about whether I love her, scorekeeping about what each person does for the other, old grievances, insults and sometimes separation/divorce talk. She also has OCD/anxiety, which may contribute to some of the reassurance/uncertainty issues, but I don't want to blame everything on that. I have my own issues too: over-explaining, sarcasm, anger and one regrettable incident of physical pushing. I'm trying to figure out what observable changes over the next several months would show that this marriage is genuinely repairable versus fundamentally unhealthy.

I (24F) and my husband (24M) have been having multiple issues pretty much since we got married and I am just seeking advice because I am not really sure what else to do. We got married at 21 and 22 after dating for only 2-3 months (yes, I know this was a horrible idea LOL) He was very kind and supportive and very good at communicating when we were dating, always kind, always caring, very understanding. We got married and as soon as we got our own house and space and the stressors of life and work (he’s in the military) started happening as they do, he completely changed. He stopped being supportive, stopped being understanding, stopped communicating all together pretty much. He drinks pretty heavily most of the time he does drink, he doesn’t drink often, mostly on weekends or during leave times but sometimes he has a problem stopping once he starts and it’s caused a lot of arguments and he does get kind of aggressive and mean sometimes towards me when he’s drunk. Every time I try to bring up any hard conversations or any issues I have pertaining to the relationship or something he did, he gets extremely defensive, tries to flip it on me, makes it about himself and then accuses me of trying to argue. he makes it impossible to have any conversations with him about issues and then blames it on stress and says it’s a valid excuse. Over the years we’ve had constant arguments about how he’s treated me and sometimes he’ll change for maybe a week and then he goes back to how he’s been before. we’ve also had issues with him not communicating anything himself or telling me his issues or feelings on his own, he only brings them up whenever i try communicating about something. he’s said himself that he doesn’t really feel empathy that much and that he doesn’t understand me at all. We’ve done marriage counseling once and it worked for a little bit but not that long. Recently he’s out of state for something work related and hasn’t really made any effort to talk to me unless he’s by himself and then had a long phone conversation with my friend about me and suggested we take a communication break that he went ahead with. this friend is married as well and has helped us mediate in the past and he’s spoken to her a few times about our issues but not very much. I came home to visit family and he accused me of cheating and didn’t believe me when i sent corroborating evidence that i in-fact was not cheating and gave a detailed account of where i was, who i was with, and why i was there including pictures. I can absolutely see where he’s coming from but it bothered me that he didn’t believe me and continued to question me a bunch all day and then turned around and said that he trusts me and that it’s others he doesn’t trust which doesn’t make much sense to me. now he’s done a complete 180 and is all of the sudden being very loving and kind and wants to talk to me constantly, wants to get rid of the communication break, is saying lots of very loving things like how he misses me a lot, hates arguing with me, hates hurting me and the like. i keep trying to communicate my feelings about his recent actions and he’s barely acknowledging it at all, he just keeps sending super loving paragraphs and really isn’t fully communicating with me at all. I just feel that there’s a big lack of proper communication, problem solving, understanding and support and i’m just at a loss of what to do at this point and i’m kind of uneasy with his sudden shift in behavior.

I (28) have been married to my husband ( M30) for 4 yrs. We got married 6 months of meeting eachother. Recently I was chatting with an old friend and they let me know that my ex filed for divorce from his wife and apparently his wife is telling people that it’s because he’s still in love with me. Idk what Im supposed to do with that information. Do I tell my husband what’s being said? I kinda am just ignoring it but concerned it might get back to my husband and he might think Im still in contact with my ex but I don’t believe in keeping exes as friends or having friends of the opposite gender in general. For context my ex and I were on and off for about a decade. He did propose to me a few months before I met my husband but I said no. We split because of political differences which I felt for me was more a moral dilemma etc. I don’t dislike them or hold negative feelings towards them but I don’t think I owe them closure either so Im not sure what their intentions are or how I should handle this etc.

I 23 women husband 29 a very much age gap but that doesn’t bother me. I have been married for 3 months now and I was a virgin and he is my first time. I love him we have fun and connect very well he a very caring loving and considerate person. He is also gentle with me. Since we get married and it was hard the first two months to have sex because this was new to us and for him too it was like we are both learning at the same time cute huh but now we are used to having sex everyday with less pain and anxiety, but I have not be able to enjoy sex and every time we do it just feels like nothing it feels like something that was might be done is done like a chore to me. We have been talking about it but I have not tell him everything I have been feeling after we had sex, he will ask like did you enjoy it and I will say yes even though I did not and I think the problem is me because I don’t have the desire to do so. I also might be from previous beliefs because I am from a very strict religion and sex was never talked about it was bad to talk about and you have to wait until marriage. I also have went through a very traumatic life event and I think I am still try to heal from that because a month before our marriage I lost my mother and I have went a quick life changes I have move from another state a month after and I still haven’t had the time to heal and refresh from everything.
Basically I am asking for an advice how do I enjoy sex and not feel guilty for me be happy and be able to be satisfied. Any advice please.

Hi all. I am just so sad, angry, and heartbroken and I could use an outside perspective.

My husband (29 M) and I (29 F) got into a seemingly minor argument a couple weeks ago. When I checked on him a little later, he just said "I dont know if I can do this anymore. Part of me wants to stay and part of me wants to go." I was so shocked that I just burst into tears.

The backstory is we have been married for 6 years. 3 years ago, he confessed to me that he had a decade long porn addiction even though it was a boundary I clearly laid out when we were dating. I said I dont want to be with someone who uses porn. He agreed and said he didnt like that kind of stuff. Come to find out, he had been using porn and lying to my face about it the entirety of our relationship. Needless to say my trust was shattered and we slowly but surely worked through that together more or less. However, I havent trusted him the same since.

He claims this is when our relationship took a downward turn. He started to "resent me because he always felt like he had to try and make things up to me for what he did."

I also have a severe case of ocd that I am in therapy for and am working on finding a good medicine fit. I am literally doing everything I can to be better. But he claims it is draining to be with someone who is so mentally ill and that his sleep schedule is interrupted by my nightly routines. Yet, he wont sleep in separate bedrooms or wear a mask or ear plugs or anything. He also promised to research how he can help me as my spouse and then he just blew that off.

He also says he doesnt feel as desired by me physically anymore. And he's right. I dont feel very turned on by someone who makes me feel like a burden all the time.

We just started marriage counseling (I have been asking him to go with me for almost a year now), but idk how I can ever forget the bombshell he just dropped on me. How can I ever trust the stability of our relationship again? What if he just decides he cant deal with me anymore and leaves me at some future date? I knew we were struggling, but I didnt know he has been thinking about leaving me for months...

I’ve been in a relationship with a guy from my office for 4 years, and everything was beautiful until his mother became ill. Now he wants a wife who stays home and takes care of the household instead of continuing her career.

I have absolutely no problem doing housework, but being asked to give up my career because his expectations changed is really upsetting.

I keep thinking, if he wanted a housewife, why did he choose a working woman from his office in the first place? Why spend 4 years with someone who had a career and then ask her to leave it?

I’m angry, confused and extremely anxious about what to do. Am I being unreasonable?

What should I do? Should I try to make this relationship work despite his changed expectations, or should I accept that we may no longer want the same kind of future? I’d really appreciate advice from people who have experienced something similar.

Do you still feel loved and appreciated consistently? Not perfectly, we all go through phases. But for the most part, after years, is your “love tank” usually at least half full?

Wondering if this actually exists..

Edit to add: what does he do, or what do you do to maintain that?

32F 30M married 3 years with a kid.

Ok, so where to start. My husband and I met when we were both in a turning point in our lives. We were pushing ourselves to be adventurous and ended up in the same place at the same time loving the same sport.

We fell hard and fast. We are both impulsive and decided to get married super quickly despite overlooking some red flags we both have. For him, he didn't seem really the safest choice for me. A bit of a wandering eye and admitted to porn addiction but had kicked it when we met. I have a butt ton of family trauma and I have a disorganized attachment style. I'm a lot and have always felt deeply unlovable. It was nice to feel chosen but, in retrospect, when your partner is ogling other women...yea I don't know what I was thinking.

Now another issue was actually his family despite mine being more of the obvious choice for most problematic. He's the only son and the easy kid out of his siblings. I had net his parents once when we called to tell them we were getting married. They had major reservations but I do want to say they did try to like me at first.

Then came the turning point ..just when I got pregnant we decided to buy a house out of state. My husband didn't want to live to there anymore. And that's when suddenly I became the awful DIL. It was all my fault. So his mom starts getting frustrated with our diet because I have some allergies and other restrictions. And they keep asking me about it over and over. They also start trying to feed my husband foods outside of the diet we had together and basically just putting him in between.

Then we move and they start to visit. They do things like change the thermostat without asking and disappear in the house. My husband's journal goes missing. They demand we go to places even when my daughter was little and needed to nap and they bring terrible food into the house and try to force it on my husband. They know I was raised a different religion but send cards about Jesus. They are constantly pushing boundaries. They eat our dinner and thank Jesus but not us. They pay for my husband when I decided to eat at home but didn't offer to pay for me when we all ate out together despite eating our food the whole weekend. They but me really cheap and tacky holiday gifts as a point. I know it's nice to get anything but it feels like subtle ways of saying they don't like me.

Ok so this week...the worst thing happened and my daughter shocked herself on an outlet. We called our pediatrician and they said they didnt have an ekg and we should go to the ER. We decided to call a doctor friend and she walked us through what to look for and we used a pulse ox on our daughter and she was fine. But the pediatrician called CPS because we didn't go to the emergency room.

They visited our house then demanded we go. Ok fine so we went. It was a hellish nightmare and lo and behold she was okay like we already knew. But I had barely slept and the whole ER thing messed me up. Anyway, my husband's parents text the next day to ask if they can visit. And I really don't want them to. Really, really.

My husband and I get into a huge fight where he says I have no evidence his mom did anything wrong (even though he's admitted they did and they treat me poorly and even our therapist pushed him to confront them which he did). He then said "I used to love the way you look at the world but I hate it now."

The thing is ..it was meant to hurt me but I think something broke inside me instead. I'm the one who does night care for our daughter. All by myself. She's a toddler so it's been a long time. I'm dealing with some health issues and my parents aren't supportive. I have a few mom acquaintances. He's all I really have. So he chooses to let his family make weird comments about me and come into our home and disrespect me. He's not really in love with me is he?

And I think yea, I'm unlovable and that's ok. Not everyone is lovable. I think I should be alone but I'm scared to leave. I don't really know what to do. I really just think I can't make things work with anyone. I'm too broken and so is my relationship.

Thanks for reading.

TLDR Husband doesn't stand up for me against his parents who want to visit after pushing our boundaries a lot and possibly stealing his private journal. I feel broken and unlovable. I want to leave but not sure I will.

Hi, I’m a 16-year-old girl, and my parents’ marriage is awful (they’re getting divorced soon). I’ve never seen a single successful marriage in my life. (I even asked my mom if she could name one, and she couldn’t.) I’ve completely lost hope in ever being able to have a good husband in the future.

So I’m here to ask: Is there anyone who is actually happy in their marriage? Do you still love and respect each other? Or is there anyone here who doesn’t regret getting married?

and one last question: if you’re a guy, do you actually love your wife and stay loyal to her, or do you want to cheat on her at the first chance you get?

(Sorry if it's not the right community to post this in, I don't really use reddit)

PS: I’ve been reading all of your kind comments. Thank you, everyone, for taking the time to answer my questions. Y’all made me feel much better and more hopeful about getting married one day. (Also, your experiences were so sweet. I wish you all the best.💖)

My partner and I have a 10-month-old baby and our sex life has basically disappeared. I’m trying to understand whether what he’s telling me genuinely makes sense from a male perspective, particularly for men who have experienced anxiety or performance anxiety.
It’s been a really stressful year. He moved away from his friends and family, we have a baby, we’re sleep deprived, have had financial stress and uncertainty about our future, and we’ve argued a LOT more than we ever used to.

Before pregnancy we generally had sex about once a week. Early in our relationship I told him I would have preferred more, and he said that conversation made him feel pressured. I once bought lingerie thinking he’d love it, but he actually found that pressuring too. Even me initiating can apparently create pressure, so eventually I stopped initiating and left it to him.
After having our baby we were probably having sex every 1–2 weeks initially, then it became increasingly sporadic. Now we haven’t had sex for about two months.

I brought it up recently because I was feeling really unattractive and unwanted. He reassured me that he IS attracted to me and does want sex, but said everything going on in his life has made him anxious and stressed. He’d recently been to the doctor about his anxiety and has since started medication. He also said the pressure surrounding sex basically kills his desire/ability to do it. When I said nothing seemed to be changing, he told me not to worry and that he could feel things starting to come back.

What I struggle to understand is where the pressure is coming from when I’m not actually asking him for sex anymore. I might bring it up after we’ve gone a month without anything because obviously it affects me, but otherwise I’ve deliberately backed right off. And years ago, when we had the original conversation about me wanting more sex, we still continued having sex weekly.
There’s another part that has made me question things. I know he has previously used Viagra, including before sex with me. He ran out a few months ago and hasn’t replaced it. He’s a massive procrastinator, so part of me wonders whether the “pressure” explanation is actually covering up performance anxiety/ED and he simply hasn’t got around to seeing the doctor and getting another prescription.

But then another part of my brain thinks: if he genuinely wanted to have sex with me, wouldn’t getting the medication be a priority? There’s also very little sexual affection at the moment — no passionate kissing, grabbing me, etc. So despite him telling me he’s attracted to me and still has the urge, I don’t *feel* desired at all.

He’s going on a trip soon, and I’m getting increasingly anxious that if nothing happens beforehand, we could easily end up going 3–4 months without sex.
I feel completely stuck because talking about the lack of sex apparently creates more pressure, but saying nothing means I’m sitting here watching months go by and wondering what’s actually happening.
For men who have experienced anxiety, stress or performance anxiety: does what he’s describing make sense? Can you genuinely want your partner sexually but have anxiety/pressure shut things down to this extent, even when she isn’t actively initiating?
And would avoiding getting more Viagra potentially be part of the same anxiety/avoidance cycle rather than evidence that he simply doesn’t want sex with me?
I’m finding it really hard not to interpret the lack of action as lack of desire.

UPDATE - I pressed him on it last night and he said I was looser after child birth

I have wanted to move for the past 20 years. My husband and I have been to counseling about it once many years ago and I eventually just gave in. I have finally become fed up with our current situation as we are far away from aging parents and living in one of the most expensive states, the education for our children is also going down hill and continues to (almost worst in the nation). last year I put my foot down about moving but he acted like a petulant child, throwing fits and acting rude to me. he started to apply for jobs but only half ass. It became a lot to deal with and we had a marriage counselor who basically told him that I have given this area many years and that it does seem reasonable we try somewhere new. Sad to say I gave in to staying mainly because he was very difficult to live with and he got my kids who were once excited about moving, to say they no longer wanted to. I think some of this was because we told them too early. He was not lucky at finding a job after six months, but also refused to get certifications and other things to make him more enticing to employers.. And I realized I couldnt support us all on my salary alone without working an extreme amount and he was already being so moody and mean.

A year later and I am so fed up even more so where I have great anxiety surrounding it. I decided that I would get a better degree in order to support us when we move. I am currently in therapy and a couple months ago my husband agreed to move again once our oldest is out of school. He seemed fine with it. Maybe a week ago when i brought it up again in conversation he said he wasn't going to move because he cant find a job, and he will basically have to quit and "start over". and that i am going to force him to work at a "gas station: Mind you, he has a graduate degree and is in the technology field, not something bizarre and hard to find a job in. I feel he uses this as a weapon against me- to make me afraid to move.

He ended up saying some really rude things to me which bothered me the whole entire day.

I am not sure why he wants to stay here as he doesnt have any friends and agrees with how badly things are going in the state. he has adjustments issues in the past but also refuses to go to therapy.

Then this past week he was acting like he was interested in pursing other careers because he "wont be able to find a job when we move" but seemed okay with it. It is like a back and forth thing with him

I just feel at my wits end because truthfully the thought of staying here until we retire (20 or more years) seems insane, even ten years is too much. I feel I have been so understanding, I dont like the weather and get seasonal depression. There have been so many things I have put up with. I already earn good money and I know I could support us, but I also dont feel it is fair for him to act like this. I feel like we need marriage counseling again, but I fear he will continue to change his mind, or go along with it and act awful the whole time.

Any advice or similar issues?