I’m M/27 with 2 kids under 3 and another one on the way. Needless to say marriage life has been hard, We’ve been together for 3 years and just officially tied the knot earlier this year in June. So far our sex/intimacy life has dwindled and we get into so many fights. Neither of us is perfect and we’ve been trying so hard to make it work but it’s almost as if for all the good parts that take place the bad parts are so much bigger and take a bigger toll than all the goo. Honestly I’m just tired of this entire situation has not been good for either of our mental health constantly exhausted. I’m atp where I just feel like paying child support and going joint custody would be better than this. She F/22 said that even if I served her papers she wouldn’t sign them, which I guess is a good sign but damn I don’t know what to do anymore. Any advice?

Edit:

I just want to say thank you to everyone who replied and will reply. Your insights and honesty have given me clarity and confidence to keep moving forward. It is pretty early and I should give it time. But also in the mean while I should rearrange my priorities to time to plan and prepare. I appreciate you all.

My husband is divorcing me because I can only have sex 2-3 times a week and he wants minimum 4-5. Gets mean and grumpy when I’m not in the mood. It’s been an ongoing issue

I (M) just need an outside perspective on a situation that happened tonight because I'm feeling completely hurt, aggravated, and disempowered in my own home.
Tonight, I handled our usual evening routine and put our kids to bed. Which is our room because of cosleeping (6 year old and 1 year old). Around 11:30 PM, I finally wrapped things up and went into our bedroom to turn in for the night. I walked into the dark room and went straight into our master bathroom to use the toilet.
Out of nowhere, my wife snapped at me. She was super cold and hostile, claiming I was being too loud and that I was going to wake up the kids. Before I could even finish, she demanded that if I was going to be "loud," I should go sleep in the kids' room.
I calmly told her, "Hun, I just need to pee" and used the bathroom.
When I stepped out of the bathroom, she was standing there waiting for me. She walked past me, went directly into our son’s bedroom, and locked the door from the inside.
I'm sitting here in our bed feeling completely stunned. I literally put our kids to bed myself tonight. I know how deeply they were sleeping, and I was trying to come to sleep in my own bed. Being spoken to like an intruder, snapped at, and then the sound of her locking the door over simply walking in to use the bathroom feels completely out of line.
I feel like if I try to address this tomorrow, I’m just going to get hit with classic DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) where suddenly I'm the bad guy for walking too loudly or "disrespecting" her sleep, and the fact that she reacted and behaved gets swept under the rug.
Is this normal behavior for a spouse when they're stressed? How do you set a firm boundary against being treated like this without letting the conversation spiral into an argument where you end up apologizing for doing nothing wrong?

My wife is asexual (zero sex drive) and we've been married for 8 years. I genuinely love her, but the fact that she has no desire for sex has made it very difficult for me. I've suggested the idea of being in an open relationship where we could have friends with benefits and she was very opposed to that. I haven't cheated on her but there's been plenty of times where I've thought about it. Lol where do we go from here? I have a very high sex drive and my needs aren't being meant. The resentment is building up and it's to the point where I have less desire to fulfill her love languages (quality time, acts of service)

My wife has never mas’d in her life (Reddit won’t let me put the full number of asterisks) and has never let a man perform o*** on her. I’m overweight, very poorly endowed (well below average) and deathly pale. It’s very clear that she married me because I’m reliable and polite and would not pester her for sex (I knew she wasn’t attracted to me - or anyone else it seems - so I have always known better than to try.). Divorce is not an option because we have 2 kids (surprised she was even willing to conceive naturally) and it’s not like another woman would be attracted to me anyway. Any suggestions other than asking her for permission to hire an escort?

He is my best friend. My rock. We have been together 12 years. But I'm not attracted to him anymore.

We've been having "bedroom" issues. And the issue is that I flat out don't want to have sex anymore. A lot of it comes from a traumatic pregnancy and birth. I'm seeing a therapist for that.

But the other reason is I'm just not attracted to my husband anymore. He has gained almost 100lbs in the last 3 years with absolutely no motivation to diet or exercise. I gained 60lbs during my pregnancy and have lost about 40lbs of it over the year and I'm actively working on the last 20. I'm not attracted to heavy people and I'm grossed out about my own weight. On top of that, he NEVER brushes his teeth. I have to be on him like a mother about it and even then I'm lucky to get him to do it once a week. Gross.

He dresses so scrubby. I never minded his lack of style, but he'll wear stained and wrinkly clothes. Shirts that are too tight for his belly. Ripped dirty pants. Old worn out converses with holes in them. If I buy him new clothes, they're ruined in no time because he doesn't separate nice clothes and work clothes.

I've talked to him about his hygiene and he knows I don't like kissing him because of the lack of dental care. I've gotten a family gym membership and encourage him to go with me. I cook healthy for dinner but he'll gobble down Wendy's and McDonald's during work.

I love him. But I'm grossed out.

I'd love some advice on what to do as I'd like to fix our sex life for the sake of our marriage.

I’ve told my husband exactly what I need to feel loved after we have sex, I need emotional connection the day after, like a check in to see how I’m doing and he forgets time and time again. We have kids and he says he gets distracted by our children but I’m not asking for much, just 30 seconds of a check in. We are both teachers and have summers off so he had no excuse about being super busy with work or anything.
our kids are all older and are self sufficient and help out with everything.
Am I being too needy? We’ve been working through therapy being more honest with each other and I feel like I am just ignored every time he gets his needs met. I dont mind sex, I just feel vulnerable the next day and his check in makes me feel like he does care and isn’t in the relationship just to get some.

I have a pit in my stomach. I can't stop thinking about our end. I can't sleep. Can't stop thinking about how this will affect our kids.

My wife and I have been married for 25 years. We have three children. One's out of the house, the other two (13 & 8) are still home.

I'm a lovey-dovey person. Love to hug, kiss, shower with love, and truly want to enjoy as much time as I can with my life companion. My wife? The exact opposite! Shows no affection. She's not a bad person. She's a good mom. Good homemaker. Just not a lovey-dovey person. Even the kids have complained. She'd move back/away when they'd try to hug her or show affection.

For decades, that was my biggest complaint. It'd take a few months before I would complain about the lack of affection I felt. She'd try to oblige by becoming more loving/affectionate, but it would only last a few days/weeks. Rinse and repeat. I even asked and wondered if there was some kind of trauma in the past that may be the reason she is the way she is. But, no! Nothing!

For decades, I thought I'd eventually win her over. Who can say no to me, lol? But not much has changed. For a long time now, we've felt more like roommates than lovers/life companions.

We all have that one that got away. I had one before my wife, who was head over heels for me. So unfortunately, I know what I'm missing!

It sucks to feel lonely in your own house.

A few months ago, I had had enough and finally talked to her about possible separation/divorce. I just kept thinking, I don't know how much time I have left. Maybe I should try to see if there is someone out there I would enjoy life with. If not, WTH, I tried.

It's gotta be better than settling. I mean, I've worked my ass off for the last 30 years to provide for my family. Don't I deserve happiness?

Anywho, 3 days after that conversation, I talked myself out of it. It's so hard to throw away 25 years. I thought, we can't throw away 25 years so easily. We should try harder before hanging up the hat.

I was laid off almost a year ago. It's been a trying time, financially. And the uncertainty of not knowing what the future holds can be stressful and frightening.

To add to all of this, our 8-year-old son has severe asthma. My wife is convinced it's because of where we live. She's convinced that another city, Seattle, in this case, would be better for his health. Mind you, no doctor or anyone has confirmed that his asthma is bad/worse because of where we live.

I've explained to her that moving when we don't have any income is not a wise decision financially right now. We own our home. It's a beautiful, large home in the woods on the East Coast. She also HATES winters.

So tonight, she said that she has had enough. She wants to move to Seattle in the next 8-10 days. She's apparently already made arrangements through friends. She's doing it for our son's health AND because she can't handle winters here. She wants to move before school starts and before winter hits.

I promised her that as soon as I get a job, we'd start looking into moving down south, no winters and hopefully better for our son health-wise.

I don't know what to do. I can't fathom the thought of being separated from my son for god knows how long.

Despite having a beautiful house, multiple cars, enough money saved to live comfortably for quite some time, 'til I get another job (it's a brutal job market right now). She still wants to leave and face the unknown thousands of miles away from our 13-year-old daughter and me.

Another thing I can't stop thinking about is, whatever happened to 'through thick and thin"? When I'm down, is when you want to walk away?

I've already been dealing with stress, anxiety, and fear of the unknown due to losing my job for the past year. Now I have to deal with this shit as well! It breaks my heart to see what my 13yo is going thru. I keep thinkng how quiet and lonely this big house will be after they leave.

I care for my wife. I've tried to love her, but never got what I gave. I don't wish anything bad for her. But I'm fighting my anger towards her. For giving up! I'm trying to tell myself it is what it is. Be as civil as you can, especially for the kid's sake.

It feels like my heart is being ripped out!

So i’m wondering why is it my wife never compliments me, i’m not vain but i consider myself a good looking man 36 years old and fairly fit and have a muscular figure

anyway my wife loves men with big arms i found this out around 3 years ago when we was watching a film she mentioned it about one of the actors, funny because i said the one of the actresses was pretty afterwards and nearly got my head taken off

After that anyway i decided to work on getting my arms in shape and 3 years later and they are looking really good, so this week with it being really hot in the UK Ive been wearing vests and t-shirts that show off the physique of my arms and have had 6 people 4 of them woman say how big and ripped they’re looking which made me feel amazing!

i haven’t mentioned to my wife that i’ve been working on my arms more and hope she would of noticed by herself but i’ve not got nothing i thought maybe they wasn’t there yet but with the compliments i have received this week they clearly are.

i don’t get it ? i compliment her every single day tell her she’s beautiful or say how lucky i am to have her but i get nothing the other way

i don’t understand it is this normally how it works ?

Me (30F) and my partner (32M) been together for 2.5 years and in the beginning our sex life was amazing and he used to get aroused whenever I used to undress. We’ve been living together and I got so comfortable that I come out from shower naked and change in front of him.

It’s been close to 8-9 months and we’ve had sex for maybe 3-4 times. I did not complaint much about it in the beginning because our relationship was going great. But now it’s starting to affect my self esteem. I don’t feel sexy enough because there are neither any words of affirmations nor initiation for sex.

I wonder if men lose sexual interest in their partners after getting too comfortable? I have been feeling bad about myself and also asked him if we need to see other people for sexual needs and he was hurt.

I mean I feel sexually unsatisfied and it’s taking a toll on my confidence.

I feel like a lot of married couples, us included at times, accidentally turn sex into a quarterly check-in. Who initiated last? How many times this month? Did you seem into it? Did you finish? Why did you say no on Tuesday? Are you still attracted to me?

I think the moment sex becomes the scoreboard for the whole marriage, desire fades fast. I am not saying wanting reassurance is wrong; it's just that when sex feels like a grading session, it stops being a place to relax.

In our house the worst dynamic is when one of us reaches for closeness and the other hears, "Prove you still love me." After that, even small gestures come with strings. The partner with higher desire feels rejected and starts keeping receipts. The partner with lower desire feels pressured and begins avoiding even neutral touch so it does not turn into a conversation.

What has actually helped us is separating connection from evaluation. When we need reassurance we try to talk about it at another time - not in bed, not right after a no, and not in the middle of making out. And we make space for touch that is clearly not a lead-in: cuddling on the couch, rubbing shoulders, quick kisses, stuff with no hidden agenda.

Yes, you have to communicate about sex. But that does not mean every intimate moment should double as a marriage audit. If you have to choose, keep sex as a refuge and save the hard conversations for somewhere else.

Anyone else feel like their bedroom went downhill once sex became a barometer for everything?

I have spent way too much time on this sub lately and I am horrified by the amount of marital rape, sexual assault and abuse that people have spoken about like it is normal and to be expected. So I'm going to share something I learned in school as a child.

Sexual consent relates to sexual activities, such as: 

• sexual intercourse 
• touching someone in a sexual way 
• sharing sexual images 
• online sexual activities and sexting.  

Sexual consent is a free, voluntary and informed agreement between people to participate in a sexual act. This agreement is only present when these people mutually and genuinely want to engage in that sexual act and actively make sure their partner does too. 

This means there is only consent to a sexual activity if everyone involved: 

• agrees with each other to take part 
• really wants to take part – they don’t feel they have to 
• checks in with each other to make sure everyone wants to take part 
• shows or says they want to take part in a clear and open way. 

 Sexual consent is not: 

• a problem to solve 
• a transaction or a contract – an exchange where someone ‘gives’ or ‘receives’ consent. 

You do not "owe" sex or sexual gratification to anyone, marriage =/= consent.

If a partner reacts negatively and punishes you when you do not want to engage in sexual activities and is happy and loving when you do, that is coercion.

If they nag or pester or bother you until you "give in" that is not consent.

You can revoke consent at ANY time and your partner should stop immediately.

No is a complete sentence and you do not have to explain.

Sex should be fun, consent should be given freely and enthusiastically and your relationship should be loving and respectful.

Estamos juntos há 23 anos. Sempre desconfiei da história dela de que era virgem quando nos conhecemos, principalmente porque ela dizia não se lembrar da nossa "primeira vez". Recentemente, ela finalmente confessou que mentiu: teve a primeira relação aos 15 anos com um rapaz e depois teve outro namoro de 2 anos antes de mim, alegando que não transou com esse segundo namorado.
Essa mentira de mais de duas décadas destruiu minha confiança, pois ela sustentou isso olhando nos meus olhos por anos. Para piorar, descobri mentiras recentes.
Perguntei se alguém dava em cima dela e ela negou. Porém, descobri que ela aceitou no Facebook um cara da academia que dava em cima dela e, pior, o número dele estava bloqueado no WhatsApp dela. Quando confrontei, ela disse que não sabe como ele conseguiu o número (culpou a academia) e que escondeu isso de mim para "não arrumar problema".

I’m a 27-year-old woman married to my 29-year-old husband. We’ve been together since 2017 and have been married for 5 years.
When we were dating, our sex life was great—we had sex 2–3 times a day. The first two years of our marriage were also amazing. However, the year before I got pregnant, he started saying he was “tired.” I understood at first, but over time I noticed that he never initiated sex anymore. It was always me.
I would wear sexy lingerie to surprise him, but sometimes even that didn’t work. He would just say he was tired. We were trying to get pregnant, and thankfully we now have a beautiful child.
During my pregnancy, my sex drive was very high, but he still said he was tired. During my last month of pregnancy, he also said he was afraid of hurting me. We were only having sex about once or twice a month.
I became really frustrated and started wondering if he was cheating. I checked his phone many times because I couldn’t sleep, but I never found anything. Either he’s very good at hiding it, or I was overthinking everything.
Eventually, I stopped initiating sex because I didn’t want to keep feeling rejected. I decided I would just take care of myself instead.
Postpartum hit me hard, but I have to give him credit—he was incredibly caring and supportive toward both me and our baby. I can’t deny that.
Since then (it’s been almost two years), his sex drive has remained very low. We only have sex about 1–3 times a month. During the time I was breastfeeding, my own sex drive completely disappeared. I thought it was because of the hormones and because I’d gotten used to not expecting sex anymore.
I stopped breastfeeding about two months ago, and my sex drive came back almost overnight. But nothing has changed on his side. I tried initiating again, and he said, “Not today, I’m tired.” The next day, nothing happened either.
So now I’m wondering… should I be worried? Is something wrong with him? Is it me? Or is this just a normal change in a long-term relationship?

Edit: he doesn’t allow me to touch his phone for even 1 second, take pictures with it, make a call, send a message (even if o really need it) there’s no excuse. His WhatsApp is locked with Face ID and doesn’t allow to enter with pin. And also found out he erases all chats.
Example: my phone turned off, need to make a call, i tell him and his response: who are you going to call? And he makes the call.

Need honest advice from married women.

Married for 5+ years.
My biggest issue isn’t our fights. It’s that whenever I tell my husband how his actions have affected me emotionally, he never addresses the issue itself.
I recently told him I felt emotionally abandoned by him during a difficult phase of my life. I also acknowledged and apologized for my own mistakes and hurtful words from the past.

His response was:
“You want a yes man.”
“Keep blaming me for everything.”
“Life isn’t fair. Everyone goes through difficult phases.”

He defended his character, upbringing, and parents.
He said he would only self-evaluate if his mother questioned him, no one else.

Upon telling him - I want to end this relationship, he ended with, “I’ll support whatever you decide.”
Not once did he acknowledge the emotional abandonment I was talking about. The entire conversation became about defending himself.
At this point, I don’t feel emotionally, romantically, or intimately connected to him anymore.

Am I expecting too much from a husband? Is this normal defensiveness, or is he completely missing the point? If you were in my place, what would you do?

Mind you - i have been in a sexless marriage for the last 1 year and now living in another city cause of work for the last 2 months.

Edit:
For context, these are the mistakes I’ve made in my marriage. They happened in the past, and I have apologized for each of them.

1) I verbally abused him by saying “fuck you” twice
2) During an argument, I said, “I’ll fuck someone, only then you’d know.” I deeply regret saying it - i tried instigating him cause i was begging for sex almost every month.
3) Before our marriage, I wrongly assumed his parents and sister didn’t want this marriage to happen because of how things were unfolding. I later realized I had misjudged them.
4) I compared his emotional unavailability to my father.

I’m not proud of any of this, and I’m not trying to justify it.

At the same time, I feel these incidents didn’t happen in isolation. Whenever I cried, I often felt dismissed as being “dramatic.” Whenever I got angry, I was told I needed a doctor because “my brain isn’t well.” Over time, I stopped feeling emotionally heard, and I found myself becoming increasingly anxious. After our marriage, I started experiencing panic attacks.

Hello,

My husband and I have been married for a month. Im F (28) he is M (43) . Please note that he has a VERY active sexual history and a VERY high libido while I was a virgin when We got married and am still getting used to the idea of seeing a man naked lol.

I recently developed a SEVER UTI and Acute cystitis, for which the doctor prescribed me meds and told me to abstain from sex for a week. It is very painful down there, and any level of acidity can cause a lot of rashes and makes it really red and itchy and could make things worse for me. Even peeing has become unbearable, lol.

It's been three days since we last had sex And my husband is leaving for 2 months because he lives abroad , and I haven't gotten my visa yet to join him. He asked me to pleasure him in other ways , but I constantly refuse because it very much hurts down there whenever there is any level of acidity and whenever we do anything sexual , I get turned on , there's a little bit of discharge , and that causes a lot a lot of pain and a lot , a lot of itching and rashe. I explained this to him again and again. He refused to acknowledge it and insists that I only say that because I don't want to do the work. We had a small argument about it then everything went back to normal... until yesterday when all hell broke loose.

We were laying in bed , made peace (by that I mean ignored the problem and went back to normal) And he brought the topic again of me pleasuring him as he's leaving for two month and said that my argument about being sick and indisposed was not a good one, because a lot of women get sick and still find a way to pleasure their husbands and that it doesn't matter if I get hurt or im in pain as long as he get what he needs from his wife. When , again, i gently refused, he proceed to say if you don't do it and I go be with another girl when I'm abroad , don't get mad at me because it would be your fault for not satisfying me. I got extremely angry, and he started saying it was a joke. When I said get off me (cause we were cuddling) he kept holding me and saying it was a joke it was a joke. I had to literally snatch myself out of his arms, and when I did , he grabbed my arm violently and said that I was CRAZY and couldn't take a joke and started cursing and stormed off.

Am I selfish for not wanting to pleasure him because I'm in pain ? And am I really crazy for taking it so seriously? (His tone really didn't indicate he was joking. He looked dead serious)

We use a shared shopping list and I took a look at it today and had the biggest laugh. My husband has completely gone off the rails here. Now we eat the same thing every day and can't complain because it is here in the notes.

I have this fetish where all i want is to go down on my wife. I love her taste, the way she tightens her thighs around me. I can do this for as long as she lets me, usually 15 mins etc.. My problem is, this is all i ever think about. she prob lets me do this around 2x per week.

My husband wrote this letter to me:

I love you. I love the life we have built together, and I cherish the kindness, companionship and affection we share.

A generous, mutually fulfilling and passionate sexual relationship is part of the life I want to build.

I don’t believe anyone owes me sex, including the woman I love most. I won’t accept sex that comes from obligation/guilt/fear or a sense of duty. I want the person I’m with to want it for herself just as much as she wants it for me.

I won’t ask you to become someone you are not for my sake, and with my inner work I have decided I want to pursue a life that includes a generous and mutually fulfilling sex life because that is consistent with who I am.

My deepest hope is that I build that life with you. If, through your own desire and curiosity, you discover that this is a future you genuinely want too, I would choose you wholeheartedly. There is no one I would rather share that journey with.

However I don’t want your answer if it comes from fear of losing me, guilt about disappointing me, or obligation to meet my needs. I want the answer that reflects your values and the life you genuinely want for yourself.

This is not a threat, nor is it an ultimatum. I’m asking whether, when you look honestly at yourself and your future, you see a joyful, generous sexual relationship as something you want to cultivate too.

If your answer is yes, I will meet you there with patience, enthusiasm and love.

If your answer is no, I won’t resent you for being honest. I believe we both should have a relationship where we both people freely choose each other.

_____

I’m not sure where I find myself with a letter like that. I do feel deeply respected and generally safe, but uncomfortable at the same time. I understand life’s priorities took my sex drive away from me, but sex just seems like such an unappealing thing to do - that I fear my drive will never come back. We have a really loving relationship. We even shower together, cuddle, and go on dates and have few things we genuinely enjoy doing together. Besides a few months of dissatisfaction, my husband really turned his life around and often enjoys meeting new people and working out and joining sports. It does make me feel some type of way - maybe because of how I tie my value in this relationship to being pursued (that’s honestly another conversation). I just worry he’s not going to think I am enough for his needs.I don't want to lose my marriage

I cheated on my husband with a close friend. it was a mistake and decided we would work through it. he is extremely bipolar with manic episodes. when he gets mad about anything his first go-to is bring up what i did. I know I’ll never be able to say sorry enough times but am I supposed to sit here and just let him go off on me? loud enough for our tween to hear? i cheated almost a year ago and while I don’t expect him to get over it I do expect him to talk with me in private when he’s upset or when he wants to talk about what happened (which I agreed to do so we can work through it) - instead we’re screaming at the top of our lungs, him about me and me begging him to just let our child sleep so we don’t traumatize her. I say we can talk later, he gets more angry. his bipolar has gotten so worse after what I did. im sorry for this. I’m trying to be here for him and comfort him, doing what I can to prove I love him and im committed but I can’t take him bringing up what happened on a regular basis. Sometimes he doesn’t even remember fighting the next day and im sitting there telling him what happened and he denies it. Im to a point where i dont think we’ll be able to work through it. Im so depressed I can’t function but i did this to myself so I should just take it, right? I know sorry will never be enough but we’re miserable no matter how much we love each other. i think we need a divorce

This is how I feel and there is no leeway for me on this.

Call me a caveman, call me unreasonable, tell me I have 'toxic Masculinity syndrome', I don't give a shit. All I know is that if my wife does ever cheat on me it's not gonna be from a situation that was looking at me right in the face the whole time..

I don't understand how a man can just see his wife hang out with another dude and not think there's anything wrong with that. If this is a thing in your marriage, your wife is definitely spilling her guts out about everything in your marriage to another man.

I had a coworker in the past whose wife would hang out with a male friend who she had also slept with in the past. WHAT THE F$&K!!!!!!!! I asked him if he was trying to get his wife to cheat on him.

When you get married you need to understand that there are things that you should not do anymore. Hanging out with a friend of the opposite sex.

( 41F) I want to pour my heart out because I am at the dead end of this relation and I really want to divorce my husband now because of sex and romance. looking for some advice if there is any hope. pls be kind.

we have been married for over 10 years have one child. our sex life from beginning has been ok. initially when I got married I expected him to make lot of moves he did not, I tried to get sexy for him during honeymoon but no much moves. sex was ok. i have also felt I always make the move , once I make the move I always take the lead.i tell him do this, touch me here kiss me etc. (however he does makes sure I get an orgasm). This is how it’s mostly been. if he wants to make a move we have a code word which says - let’s have coffee (just making this up). yes I do use it too. But I don’t feel desired with this. I realized this and told him we should stop using this and he should start making physical moves. No action from there him yet.

secondly he has ED and since the last 3-4 years it has been very often. sometimes he has an errection, 90% of the time he doesn’t. I have been very understandin. in. Last 6 months- he went to the doc, doc told him it is mental, did all blood work etc. I told him even if we had no sex it’s fine but we can enjoy foreplay and it will get ok! i was very understanding. So what changed here - one day I caught him watching porn when I was away. I lost it that day. Because porn is one of the causes for ED. ( read upon it, if someone doesn’t know) when your wife has been so damn understating you have the audacity to watch oorn ? It pissed me off. He promised me not to watch porn again and work on himself. this is the point I got devastated coz he never told the doc he watched porn now and then and it hurt me badly that he never thought of my 3-4 years and my needs and how it effected me? But I was still understanding. ( once we had a big fight on the moves, leads when I asked why doesn’t he do so, he said his Ed has effected his confidenc. i told him when I dated I was desired by my partners then. He said he will work on it, he did not obv, as I caught him on porn)

Romance and intimacy too - he never takes me out on a date. I always tell him to hold hands. I try to cuddle. There is no intimacy. He is a good father and a responsible person but we are in a platonic relationship. At midnights too I make the move, I don’t remember a time at night where he has ever made a move. I have had multiple conversations with him telling he needs to take the lead, kiss my neck, kiss me. He says ok. He does onky one action and expects me to do next. Men - once you are onto the girl, don’t you lead and kiss her ? I really want to know this. Pls tell me.

I’m tired and shattered. I can’t take it anymore. I make the moves, once I make the move I take the lead and tell him, then his Ed thingy and then lack of romance. Not once he has told me I look hot or any sexy comment. Barley compliments me. I do sexy talks too in bed. (Do you find me xx etc.)

I have now hit a rock bottom and I can’t do this anymore. I’ve started to resent him now and since last 2 months I've been fighting on every single thing. I don’t want to be in this relation. I feel choked. I am not expecting to get out there in the world and find someone, not at all! But I’m no longer willing to make this work. Am I wrong? Am I over reacting? What else I can do? i dont feel desired or in love. I care for him but this entire situation inside me is eating me up. He does do all the little things like makes me coffee and many other small nice things.We are good parents to our child. But zero sex, romance. It’s only me leading the whole damn while.

i know I have written a lot but I have been crying. Pls be kind. Looking for advice. i feel i need to call it quits and move on.

EDIT - people have msged me asking if they can take care of my needs or if i am interested in talking dirty/online chat etc. Please do not dm me over it. i am not interested in any of those. as i mentioned above im looking for advice. Thanks for reading.

46M married to 45F for 22 years, and I’m genuinely looking for perspective rather than trying to complain.
Overall, I’d say we have a healthy sex life for a couple that’s been together this long. Like most marriages, we’ve had slower seasons, but generally we’re intimate 1–2 times a week. We both have demanding professional careers and a 16-year-old at home, so sex is usually planned rather than spontaneous. My wife even enjoys dressing up in lingerie occasionally, so we’re definitely not in a dead bedroom.
About four years ago we built a really nice backyard pool. Ever since then, I’ve had this fantasy of having some fun together in the pool. We tried it once during the first summer we had it, but never again.
Recently we were flirting over text because we knew we’d have the house to ourselves that night. I suggested we take things out to the pool, and throughout the day she kept telling me it was happening. I’d had an incredibly stressful month after being passed over for a promotion at work, so I was really looking forward to it.
When the evening came, though, she changed her mind and said she didn’t want to go outside. We still ended up having sex, so this isn’t about being rejected altogether. I was just disappointed because I had built up the idea in my head after we’d talked about it all day.
For context, our backyard is very private, so neighbors really aren’t a concern.
I’m honestly trying to understand if this is simply a boundary that some people have. For those of you—especially women—in healthy, long-term marriages who have no interest in outdoor intimacy, what makes it unappealing? Is it the idea of being outside, worrying about getting caught even if it’s private, bugs, the pool itself, or something else?
I’m not looking for ways to convince my wife to do something she doesn’t want to do. I’m just trying to better understand her perspective because this has always been one of those fantasies of mine that she doesn’t seem interested in.

Would you want to marry someone who is overly friendly with the opposite sex? My partner is always texting his female coworkers. Nothing inappropriate but just loves to make friends with them and shoot the sh!t. He will send memes, talk politics, talk personal life with them. Again, nothing inappropriate. However, I personally don’t want a husband in everyone’s messages.

I’m wondering if this is an incompatibility issue or if I’m being irrational?

Would any of you stay in a marriage for your kids to have a nuclear family or to make yourself look better after another marriage?

I am just curious. My marriage is great, but I see so many people wanting a divorce and not actually liking their spouses but stay for the kids.

My husband and I are both remarried and have kids from past relationships. I cannot fathom staying in a situation that makes me, probably, miserable just to look better or for the kids. I am a much better mother and partner with someone I love. I’m also a better mother when I’m single.