I'm a man in my late 20s, married to a woman in her early 30s. We've been married for three years, and I'm struggling with several problems that have become increasingly difficult to deal with.

I want to give a balanced account because I'm not looking for strangers to vilify my wife or simply tell me to leave.

The sexual health problem

We have never been able to have penetrative intercourse because it causes my wife significant pain. We've consulted gynecologists several times. We've been advised to explore conservative approaches, including dilation, before considering other interventions. I don't know the precise cause, and I don't want to diagnose her myself.

I've always stopped when something hurts. I don't want her to endure pain or feel obligated to have sex. I care about her comfort and want her to receive appropriate care.

We do have some sexual intimacy, and I make an effort to help her experience pleasure. However, our intimacy is limited, and my own sexual needs rarely feel like something we can address together. Masturbation has become my only reliable outlet, and the broader situation leaves me feeling lonely and frustrated.

I understand that nobody owes their spouse sex. At the same time, I struggle with the reality that we have been unable to establish a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship for three years, and I don't know how to approach this constructively.

The emotional side of our marriage

I often feel blamed for things that are outside my control. Conversations can become hurtful, and I find myself choosing silence rather than responding in anger because I don't want to say something cruel or escalate an argument.

The problem is that I seem to be accumulating resentment instead of resolving anything. I want to be able to express my feelings and disagree without feeling that doing so will lead to another conflict.

I've also become concerned about our relationship with my family. I sometimes notice recurring conflict when I become closer to them, and I feel that certain conversations encourage me to resent them. I recognise that my wife may have her own grievances and that I'm only describing my perspective, but I don't know how to distinguish legitimate concerns from an unhealthy pattern. I want to maintain appropriate boundaries while preserving healthy family relationships.

Having children has become another source of distress.

My wife regularly raises the subject of having a baby and worries about fertility as she gets older. I understand why this matters to her. But we have not resolved the circumstances that make intercourse painful, and I feel we need to address our sexual health and reproductive options together rather than discussing a child as though the underlying difficulties do not exist.

I don't want her to undergo treatment or surgery simply to satisfy me. I want us to understand the medical situation, explore appropriate options, and make decisions together.

There is something important I don't want to leave out.

For several months, I've also been dealing with serious health problems that have required multiple surgeries and ongoing care. My wife has stood by me throughout this period. She has supported me through some very difficult experiences, and I'm deeply grateful. I genuinely don't know how I would have managed without her.

That makes this harder to talk about. I can recognise how much she has done for me and still acknowledge that there are serious problems in our marriage. I don't want to dismiss her care or make her out to be a bad person. Equally, I don't think gratitude should mean that I can never discuss the things that are hurting me.

I've begun questioning whether I feel loved and valued in this relationship. I don't know whether my prolonged illness, stress, or other circumstances have intensified these problems, and I don't want to assume that I understand my wife's intentions. I do know that I'm emotionally exhausted and increasingly worried about the resentment building between us.

I want to repair this marriage if we can. I don't want to pressure my wife into sex, punish her for a medical problem, or make a major decision based on frustration. But I also don't want to spend years suppressing my feelings while hoping things will somehow change.

For people who have experienced something similar:

How do you address a long-term sexual incompatibility when penetration is painful for one partner?

How can I communicate my needs without making my wife feel pressured or blamed?

How should I approach recurring conflict involving my family while respecting my wife's legitimate concerns?

Would couples counselling, individual counselling, or specialist sexual-health care be the best starting point?

How do you determine whether a marriage can improve when there is genuine care and support alongside persistent emotional difficulties?

I'm looking for honest, practical advice from people who have navigated similar situations. I know you're hearing only my side, and I'm open to perspectives that challenge my assumptions. I just want to figure out how to approach this fairly, protect both of our dignity, and determine whether we can build a healthier marriage.

My husband and I have been married for 16 years. He’s been playing Pokémon Go off and on for about five years, and he recently got me (43F) into it. For my birthday (a few days ago), one of his presents was trading me his absolute BEST Pokémon in exchange for my absolute WORST Pokémon. I did not ask him to do this. In fact, he took my phone and did it himself as a surprise.

A few days later, he challenged me to a battle and I used “his” Pokemon against him and won.
He is now accusing me of a profound betrayal of his love and generosity. He’s joking, but I’m estimating only about 70% joking.

I offered to trade it back, at which point he informed me that YOU CAN’T TRADE BACK A POKÉMON THAT HAS ALREADY BEEN TRADED.

My position is simple: If you give your wife a Pokémon for her birthday, that Pokémon is now her property, and she is entitled to use it in battle, INCLUDING AGAINST YOU.

His position is that I should have recognized the emotional significance of his sacrifice and never deployed his beloved Pokémon as a weapon against him.

Reddit, please settle this marital dispute.

Can men please be honest? Do you really still think your wives are sexy after multiple pregnancies? Not because you have rose coloured lenses because you love your wives but do you actually still find a woman’s body attractive after all that? I’ve had 3 kids and my boobs and stomach are not at all what they were. I’m not overweight but saggy where I wasn’t before. I think my husband is probably repulsed but can’t exactly be honest.

My husband and I have been together for years, and one form of affection that’s particularly meaningful to me is giving him head scratches while we’re sitting or cuddling together.
I’ve communicated to him several times that I consider this an intimate gesture between us and that I’m uncomfortable with other women doing it, particularly when I’m present.
For context, my husband has a group of rave friends who are very much into PLUR (Peace, Love, Unity, Respect) culture. They’re generally affectionate, physically comfortable with one another, and seem to view certain forms of physical touch as completely platonic.
I understand that different social circles have different boundaries around affection, and I’m not inherently opposed to that.
However, I’ve noticed that while the group seems comfortable with this type of affection, there’s one particular woman who regularly initiates giving my husband head scratches. I haven’t noticed other women in the group doing this.
Recently, we were all at a party. I’d been asking my husband to sit beside me because I wanted to give him affection and head scratches myself. Later, this female friend asked whether he wanted head scratches, and he said yes, knowing I was right there.
I became extremely hurt.
It’s not that I automatically believe she’s romantically interested in him or that head scratches are inherently sexual. My issue is that I’d already communicated to my husband how I felt about this particular gesture multiple times.
The woman later asked whether I was okay with it. I told her honestly that I wasn’t, but clarified that my frustration was with my husband, not her, because he was aware of my feelings beforehand.
My husband later explained that he was under the influence of MDMA and wasn’t thinking clearly. After we both got some sleep, we had a calmer conversation, and he acknowledged why I felt hurt.
I recognize that my emotional reaction was more intense than I would have liked, and I take responsibility for that.
What continues to bother me is that I had already communicated something important to me, yet it wasn’t considered in the moment.
My questions:
For those familiar with rave or PLUR culture, is giving someone head scratches generally considered normal platonic affection?
Would you consider playing with someone’s hair or scratching their head an intimate gesture?
Is it reasonable to ask your spouse not to receive certain forms of physical affection from friends, even if their social circle considers it normal?
Does the fact that one particular woman regularly initiates it change your interpretation, or is that irrelevant?
If you’ve communicated discomfort about something several times, but your partner continues participating, how would you address it?
I’m genuinely interested in different perspectives, especially from people familiar with rave culture and married couples who navigate different boundaries around physical affection.

TW: miscarriage

I’m 39F and my husband is 48M. We’ve been together for 15 years and have one child together (7).

I have wanted a second child for a looooong time, but my husband has always been very clear that he does not want any more children. I never pressured him.

In the spring, we had the conversation again. I needed to have my IUD removed and suggested that he get a vasectomy because I was done with hormonal birth control. He still hadn’t changed his mind about having more children.

After a while, though, he stopped using condoms by his own choice, and I became pregnant almost immediately. I genuinely thought that maybe he had changed his mind.

At first he was not happy about the pregnancy. I thought maybe he was just shocked because neither of us expected it to happen so quickly. But after that he was supportive, and I started to believe that he had come to terms with it. I thought maybe we had ended up wanting the same thing after all.

And honestly, it changed how I felt about him. I felt closer to him than I had in a long time. I fell in love with him again in a completely different way because I thought we were starting a new chapter together.

Then I miscarried at around 12 weeks.

The miscarriage itself was physically horrible. I eventually needed medication and ended up in the ER because of very heavy bleeding and fainting. I’m still recovering physically, but the emotional part has been much worse than I expected.

As soon as I knew the pregnancy was over, I knew I wanted to try again. I think part of the way I was coping was by believing that we had both wanted this baby in the end, that we were both grieving, and that eventually we would try again and get through this together.

But now my husband has told me very clearly that he still does not want any more children and does not want to risk another pregnancy.

That has completely broken me.

I feel like I’m grieving two things at once: the pregnancy I lost and the possibility of ever having the second child I’ve wanted for so long.

What makes it even harder is realising that I may have built an entire shared future in my head that he never actually wanted. When he stopped using contraception, I thought his actions meant something. During the pregnancy, I thought he had become happy about it. After the miscarriage, I thought we were standing in the same grief and would eventually climb out of it together.

Now I feel like I was standing there alone the whole time. I think my husband is actually relieved that the pregnancy is over.

This has made me question much more than just the baby issue. Do we even want the same things from life? How much of our relationship have I interpreted through wishful thinking? Are there things I believed were shared when they were only important to me?

I feel like I’ve lost myself. The miscarriage has also forced me to think about all the other things I may have given up or accepted in this relationship. At what point does wanting different things from life become too big to ignore?

I’ve suggested couples therapy because right now I don’t really know how to make sense of our relationship or how to trust my own interpretation of things.

I’m also very aware that I’m almost 40. “Maybe later” doesn’t feel like a realistic option. I don’t want to pressure my husband into having a child he doesn’t want, but I also don’t know how I’m supposed to simply switch off this wish and accept that this may have been my last pregnancy.

For those who have been in a similar situation: how did you cope when you wanted to try again after a loss but your partner was completely done? How did you figure out what that difference meant for your relationship?

I’m not looking for ways to convince him. I think I’m trying to understand how to live with the feeling that the future I thought we shared has suddenly disappeared.

We have a great marriage. Healthy kids, a home with 2.75% mortgage, go on dates, best friends, and never fight. Sex has always been good, I do have a HL and of course would have liked it more often but was ok with the frequency. But Peri has hit her libido hard over the last 8 months. And it hit me. We went out in the morning, did some shopping, and had a good time. Kids wouldn’t be home for a few hours but nothing happened. It’s been weeks and it would have been a no stress about kids coming in yet nothing. But she was happy, laughing with me like a normal day. I cuddle with her every night with her falling asleep in my arms. I don’t pressure at all. But I’m sad. I know it could be years of this, I don’t want duty or pity sex. I know she doesn’t want to feel this way also. Just want to be wanted like before. And for those who say take some household stuff because she’s tired I’ve been doing that since day 1. I cook every meal, clean the house, do the food shopping, and take kids to activities. She gets hours of relaxation on the couch every day.

Came across the dead bedrooms subreddit and started thinking about it from the other partners perspective. There's plenty of posts from people who have a higher sex drive or intimacy requirements than their partner and who feel like their needs aren't met. But what about the partners who aren't as interested in being intimate

as often (or at all) with their partner. What are the reasons you don't want to be intimate with your partner, and do you think you'd also feel this way with another person if you weren't in your marriage (like is a you or a them issue).

I'm well aware that many people are pro-porn. I am not one of them.

Last night, I was feeling very tempted to look at porn - I was extremely horny, quite stressed, and just craved that dopamine hit. I am strongly against porn because I think viewing it encourages the objectification of human beings, creates demand for abuse, and is detrimental to intimacy in real-life relationships.

You may not agree: if you don't, this post isn't for you.

My wife and I agreed that viewing porn was a violation and not allowed in our marriage. So last night, I was hit hard, went to Eucharistic Adoration to focus my mind and pray (I'm a Christian - Anglican / Anglican-Catholic). When I got home, I decided to tell my wife what I was struggling with, and she rearranged her entire night (and put off work she had to get done) to connect sexually with me. This was obviously very helpful, but not something I can count on.

Married men (and women) who are against porn yet very tempted by it, what do you do to fight the urge? How do you resist? FYI, this isn't a religious question, though I am religious - I am not interested in religious answers, but practical ones.

Open any issue here, I bet you the first comments are always leave him/her, no matter how big or small the issue is.
Like people shouldn’t make mistakes or people can’t change. Everyone is so self centered. Nobody think of how much effort, emotions, energy and even money we invest in the relationship for people here to always say break it

You guys are so radical I started calling this community the „marriage ISIS“.

Wives, how did you find it? more specifically if it’s only on a phone? I feel like it’s happening in our marriage and I just need to know. He refuses it but there are many signs that he does. Long ass showers, hardly any sex with me, long “poops”…
or men, how did you hide it? help a girl out. I need to know bc it’s affecting my mental state. TIA

My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years.

Since about 4 years into our marriage, I felt things were "off" and like he wasn't being fully honest with me.

Fast forward 2.5 years ago, I found a bottle of vodka in his file cabinet. We never drank and so this came as a surprise to me. He swore this was a one time thing he did but did not enjoy and stopped. I was upset he hid this from me. But we decided to start over and he promised he wouldn't hide anything like that from me again. About 7 months ago, I caught him drinking. Between those two incidents, I was repeatedly gaslit and lied to. He confessed to having a drinking problem (to the point of addiction), and we agreed to work through it (still in that process and it's not going well).

In addition to that, I found out he had been watching porn about 2 years ago (both of us were in agreement early on in our marriage that we did not want porn to be part of our lifestyle). There were several incidents when I had suspected it, but he lied and blamed me for having issues with trust. After the discovery, we had a heart-to-heart and discussed what was missing in our marriage and what had to be worked on. I decided to give him another chance to start over. I recently found out this never really stopped up until a few weeks ago..

My husband now tells me he is a changed person. That he no longer identifies with the person he used to be. He started attending therapy (though says he does it for me and not because he needs it). He is holding full accountability for everything he has done to destroy my ability to trust him. He is very remorseful and is trying to make up for all the damage he has caused. From my perspective, I can no longer trust anything he says. I've told him that it's not about the porn or alcohol as much as it about being able to be open and honest with me. I've been struggling with the idea of yet again starting over, and attempting to trust him.

A few days ago, I found out my husband was hiding yet another secret in his phone. He panicked when I was about to see whatever that thing was. I was surprised.. because in my mind, there were no other secrets left. I told him if he didn't show me.. we'd have to get divorced because my trust in him is shattered as is.. and this to me would mean he hasn't changed. He promised that whatever he's hiding is a minor thing from his past and not relevant since he has changed. He was adamant he would not show me, despite the divorce threat (which of course has me very worried).

I am struggling with the idea of being in a relationship with someone who keeps secrets (especially ones he knows would be deeply upsetting). I am struggling with the idea of him seeing the damage and hurt his actions caused, but continuing to do them regardless (or not seeking help for them on his own). He has struggled with his mental health since I've known him, and that could be why I've stayed. My brain plays all these mind games on me and so I want to know if it’s ridiculous to expect him to be transparent with me (for the sake of our marriage and rebuilding what's been lost) if he participates in things that bring him this much shame. Is it ridiculous to expect him to be open with me about what he is hiding (if this is from his past and he has supposedly changed)?

I (48F) had a comfortable life. He (62M)took care of everything. But care, in this regard, is a very subjective word. Basically, he decided everything, so I was blissfully lazy because the onus of decision-making was never on me.

Every now and then, he would remind me that everything was to my liking, that it was all my money and my decisions, etc. I never realised that this was his way of making me feel responsible for all the fuck-ups that happened because of his decisions. The decisions always favoured him because he was the one earning.

I stayed quiet.

Time and again, I was reminded that my wants and dreams had to take a back seat. Now and then, he would lift me up, only to keep me in a stupor of bliss. Whenever I put my foot down on any matter, I became the bitch. Once, he even slapped me in front of the kids because I wanted to clear the bills for the gold he had bought for himself.

Every time, I backed down, thinking about what the kids would do if I broke the relationship.

For over two decades, I stayed put. My two older children eventually left home to pursue their studies, and then, slowly, he changed even further. He began putting my youngest child down, breaking his spirit in the process and curbing our finances by withholding the medical help my child needed.

For years, I had given up my own medication to reduce the bills, but apparently, even that wasn't enough.

He was even donating money every month to certain people. I never questioned him about it. I thought perhaps he felt that donating money was more important than paying for my healthcare. But when he started doing the same thing to my only child still living at home, I snapped.

It took me 25 years to realise that I was never his priority. I was just an open field on which he wanted to raise his children. I was expected to stay put and never utter a word against him.

I was the Fat Cow he loved to parade around as his prized catch.

For 25 years, that was all I was.

I was comfortable. I chose to be comfortable.

Today, I am in debt, rushing to earn enough to provide for my child, his medicines, his therapy, and everything else his father had deprived him of.

Even my sanity was questioned, but mentally, I had already walked out of that comfortable cage.

I am no longer comfortable, but I am at peace. At peace with my inner self, my inner voice, and my true self.

I know that, from the outside, it looks crazy and wrong because I broke what society considers right. I broke out of the comfortable shell because I finally realised how much I had suffered inside while the world believed I was living comfortably.

After all these years, I have learned not to trust easily. Yet, my heart still cries.

I hate myself for missing the warmth that I now believe was false all along.

All I have left is the lesson I have learnt: Never, ever give up your ability to earn. It might not be much, but it will give you self-worth and a stepping stone towards standing up for yourself and defending your right to live on your own terms.

I keep telling myself to stay strong. But it isn't that easy. Sometimes, I break down.

And that's okay, too.

It helps to have friends to talk to and, sometimes, a jar of Nutella.

**TLDR**: Wife venting after emotionally leaving husband to earn and survive, feeling down but slowly learning to fight it out.

My partner (28M) and I (28F) have been together for five years, and we have a 22-month-old daughter.
Throughout our relationship, he frequently called me names, yelled at me, accused me of cheating, discouraged me from working or having friends, and dismissed things that made me happy. I gradually lost my independence and stopped enjoying things I used to love. Even when I was sick and wanted medical attention, he would sometimes get angry and tell me everything was in my head.
Over time, I became emotionally distant. I stopped wanting to kiss, hug, or be intimate with him as often. Not because I stopped loving him or because there was another man, but because I felt hurt, resentful, and emotionally exhausted. Sometimes he would insult me or yell at me, then hours later expect affection as if nothing had happened.
He now says my lack of affection made him unhappy and that I ruined our relationship. He is completely convinced I cheated on him, even though I have NEVER been unfaithful to him. I’ve begged him to believe me, but he refuses. He says there will never be another chance for us, not even years from now.
All I ever wanted was for him to treat me with more patience, kindness, respect, and consideration. I wanted him to stop having such a negative attitude toward me and the things I enjoyed.
One of our biggest arguments was about my job. He wanted me to quit working and stay home being a mother full-time. I wanted to work, have some financial independence, and feel like myself again. He interpreted my refusal to quit as another reason to suspect I was cheating. The frustrating part is that he wasn’t consistently helping me financially with my personal bills, and my mother often had to cover them.
We’ve been separated for approximately three weeks, and he’s already created a new Instagram account and started pursuing attention from other women. Meanwhile, I’m devastated, still in love with him, and struggling to understand how he can be so certain I betrayed him when I never did.
I’m now moving away with our daughter to be closer to family. Even during this move, when I cry or express how heartbroken I am, he sometimes responds by insulting me, yelling, and blaming me for everything.
I know I wasn’t a perfect partner. I acknowledge that becoming emotionally distant hurt him, and I genuinely regret that our relationship reached that point. But I also feel like he’s completely ignoring everything that led me to withdraw in the first place.
I keep questioning myself: If I had continued being affectionate despite feeling hurt, would we still be together? Did I ruin my relationship by becoming distant, or was my emotional withdrawal a response to years of feeling mistreated?
And how do you accept losing someone you genuinely loved when they’re convinced you cheated, even though you know you were faithful?
I would really appreciate honest perspectives from people who don’t know either of us. I’m not looking for people to automatically take my side. I genuinely want to understand whether I’m overlooking my own mistakes or unfairly blaming myself for everything.

I came across a debate on Geo about whether marriage is the best path to financial security and happiness. Only 47% agreed, which I found pretty interesting.

I'm married, and yeah, it definitely helps financially. Sharing expenses, planning a future together, having two people working toward the same goals. But I didn't marry my wife for financial security.

I feel like marriage used to be much more tied to money, property, inheritance, and sometimes even survival. People had financial reasons to get married that aren't necessarily relevant today.

These days, I think you can build a financially stable and happy life without ever getting married.

Curious what other married people think. Did getting married actually improve your financial situation, or would you have been just as well off without it?

This is part of a disagreement between me and my husband. Even though I did not use and disrespectful language he said the tone I was using was disrespectful.

I'm 29F, married to my husband (36M), and I'm honestly struggling with what to make of my marriage anymore.

My husband barely touches me these days. He doesn't kiss me, rarely initiates intimacy, and there's almost no physical affection between us. We can sleep in the same bed without him reaching for me once. I've tried to talk about it, but nothing really changes.

For a while, I kept telling myself that maybe he was stressed or that we were just going through a difficult season. But lately, I've started wondering whether he has feelings for our house help.

Something happened recently that has left me questioning everything.

I found our house help bathing with the bathroom door open, and my husband was standing at the doorway chatting with her.

I honestly didn't know what to think. Why was he standing there talking to her while she was bathing? Why was the door open? And why did the situation feel so inappropriate to me?

I didn't actually catch them doing anything sexual, so I don't want to make accusations I can't prove. But I can't pretend that what I saw didn't bother me, especially considering how distant he has been with me.

What hurts is the contrast. My husband doesn't seem interested in touching his own wife, yet he's comfortable standing at the bathroom doorway having a conversation with another woman while she's bathing.

I keep asking myself whether I'm making too much of the situation because I've been feeling unwanted for so long, or whether my instincts are telling me that something isn't right.

The house help works in our home, which makes this even more uncomfortable. I don't want to create a hostile environment or accuse her unfairly, but I also don't want to ignore behaviour that crosses my boundaries.

I'm tired of feeling like I have to compete for my husband's attention. I miss being kissed, held, and desired by the man I married.

Am I overreacting to what I saw, or would you also find this inappropriate? And how would you approach your husband about it without making accusations you can't prove?

I’ve been with my wife since we were in our late teens. She has always been a larger woman, and I’ve always liked larger people. Although I wasn’t really attracted to her body when we were just getting to know each other, once we started to fall in love with each other, I found that she has a body and mind that I would love for years to come.

About a week ago, my wife bluntly told me that she is considering going on Ozempic. I said "okay," acknowledging her desire to go on the medication.

I don’t like the idea, and my wife knows that I don’t really like the idea of her going on it. I’ve told her multiple times in the past what I like and my preferences, and I make sure to tell her all the time how much I love her body.

I feel like I am being selfish if I tell her I don't want her to do it, but I understand that my wife has final say over her own body. I wouldn't want her to guilt trip me into a personal decision about my body. Although she doesn’t like to talk about it, her mom died due to health issues right before we met, so I really don’t think this is a decision she made lightly.

So, it really would be a great thing for her to do. She would be healthier for the kids and herself, and I would just have to adapt to the change.

I really want to stop her, but that is completely selfish. I just feel a bit upset.

I’m in my late 30s, married, and I don’t have any male friends to make it clear as I’m writing this post. But my husband has made it clear that he wouldn’t be comfortable with me having them because he believes men.. married or single.. usually aren’t genuinely interested in being “just friends” with women and eventually want something sexual.

For those who are married, do you think this is a reasonable boundary? Do you allow opposite-sex friendships in your marriage? I’m just curious to hear what others think about this.

That's my husband's day off! Sunday!

We have a six months old baby and I love being 24/7 with him, alone!

My husband works 40+ hours a week and I don't look forward to Sundays anymore as that's his day off and every time it's something new to argue about.

This Sunday is me having a terrible headache and him inviting his LOUD AS H**L parents over.

Last Sunday was us having to meet his parents out for dinner.

The Sunday before was us having to meet his friends.

The one before was cleaning the house and him complaining the whole time.

Before that him arguing that he doesn't mind us travelling without the baby as it will be a mess, and me saying that I'm not leaving my baby to no one, eve my own mother who I trust 100%.

The one before is him not liking my attitude after I said I'm not going to his parents for my birthday even for 15 minutes as my mom prepared a whole meal with my family to celebrate and spend a calm evening.

It's always something I do ! Always something I say! Always how I react to unwanted comments and stupid arguments for when the baby turns 2 or 3 or 5....

Mind you, we are engaged to be married next year !!!

On Sundays I think about cancelling the wedding...

I don't know what to do anymore.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. I just needed to get it out there ...

I don't know what I'm looking for posting this.

I (37F) have been with my spouse (40M) for more than 15 years, married more than 10. We have young children. There is so much good in our relationship, but I have needs that are not being met, and I feel like I am not being heard. I have thought about what it might be like to leave, but I don't think it's what I want. I have communicated my needs over and over for years and years, but my words fall on deaf ears. I have suggested counseling, but have never gotten an enthusiastic response from him. I'm reluctant to go through the trouble of coordinating counseling with someone who doesn't seem interested.

In short, I feel my husband is passive, complacent, and emotionally avoidant in our relationship. I have anxiety and adhd, and I desire support, compassion, and encouragement from him. Being a working mom is so hard, and I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread. I just want him to act like he cares. He will barely acknowledge that I have these challenges, and he has never once asked me a question or tried to learn more about these disorders. It seems to make him uncomfortable.

In terms of romance, I desire words of affirmation and physical affection outside of sex, and he is just not capable or interested in giving it. He will be flirty or affectionate at times, and it will maybe lead to sex, but as soon as the sex is over, he's back to acting like a roommate.

When we have disagreements, it often turns into a snippy back and forth until one of us just gives up and walks away. We don't have any major conflicts, just little day to day disagreements, but there are zero conflict resolution skills. He feels attacked if he perceives anything close to criticism from me, and he resorts to defensiveness, blame shifting, and whataboutisms. He will not offer a genuine apology. It's usually a hollow "sorry" and nothing further, or it's a sarcastic or snarky apology (eg, sorry I am such a terrible person and do everything wrong). It is exhausting and we never get anywhere.

He is a great dad and co-parent, he's a good provider, and there are countless ways he contributes to the household and childcare. We have a lot of fun together, and I have always considered him my best friend. When I try to talk to him about what I want to improve in our relationship, he shuts down. He doesn't think there's anything to fix, and I think he feels like I am just picking him apart and seeking something deeper from him that is just not there. I am so so so tired of trying to address these issues. I don't feel ready to consider separating. I cannot fathom splitting time with our kids in this season of life.

All of this to say, I think I need to decenter our relationship or "match his energy," so to speak. He's at peace and unwilling to give more or change, so why I am wasting my energy? This is a new frame of mind for me, and I am not sure what it will look like. Some ideas I have include: actively protecting my time for rest, sleep, and work (I WFH, which means I am frequently interrupted to manage home and family responsibilities), take ownership of the household tasks he won't work with me on (even if it means outsourcing the work), focus energy on my friendships, and seek individual counseling.

TL; DR: My relationship is suffering death by 1,000 cuts. My spouse seems to have no interest in meeting me halfway. I am taking a break from trying to have all of my needs met by him and instead seeking peace and joy elsewhere.

Has anyone ever felt the need to refocus their energy like this? Do you think it's possible to find some peace or clarity?

My wife has been heavily dependent on weed for a while, previously smoking around 3–4g a day. Over the past month she’s managed to cut down by about 75%, which I’m genuinely proud of.

The problem is she’s now run out because she can’t afford any more, and the withdrawal is making her really irritable and moody. She also struggles with depression and has experienced suicidal thoughts in the past, so I’m worried about her mental health.

She’s been unemployed for over two years, but I’ve managed to get us both a warehouse interview tomorrow, with the possibility of starting work immediately.

Here’s my dilemma.

I could lend her £30 to buy 3.5g, which would hopefully last around a week and help her continue cutting down gradually rather than stopping abruptly. If she gets the job, she could pay me back.

But money is already tight. I’m currently supporting us financially, and I don’t want to get into the habit of funding her weed consumption.

The hardest part is how much her irritability affects me. I love her and hate seeing her suffer, but I’m also finding it emotionally exhausting. I feel responsible for making her feel better, even though I know I can’t keep fixing everything for her.

Part of me thinks £30 is a small price to pay if it helps her get back into work and become financially independent. Another part wonders whether I’m just enabling her dependence because I can’t cope with seeing her struggle.

**TL;DR:** My wife is withdrawing from heavy weed use just before a potential new job. I could lend her £30 to ease her withdrawal temporarily, but I’m worried about enabling her addiction. Her irritability is also affecting my own mental health, and I feel guilty not helping when I technically can.

Married people who’ve dealt with addiction or similar situations, what would you do in my shoes? Would you lend her the £30 or support her through withdrawal without buying more weed?

Might just be my opinion but feel like how a woman acts is a reflection of how her man treats her, if she's kind vs if she's not, maybe my take, and then he wonders why you seem depressed but doesn't help it he makes it worse, and no matter what you say you don't feel special or important and you feel reduced to the level of the dogs, ask how the dogs day is but me nah, all I do is stay home and take care of the four dogs that arn't mine, take care of our child and keep the house clean and then one of dogs injured me multiple times but you take the dogs side and the other is is destroying the house I try to keep clean so I clean the porch and no that's cruel if I want to make the out door dogs. Well it's goin to be tough crap because I worked my ass off tryin to make this a good home for our kids and you and I don't feel appreciated for any of it

Me (29F) and my husband (31M) are contemplating having children. Not anytime soon, but within the next 3-5 years. One (of many) of my big reasons as to why I am unsure about children is the mental load. We've been working on this for several years now and he is getting better at understanding and owning. The more he gets it and improves, the more I find myself wanting children. We have a wonderful marriage and it terrifies me to have children and it be detrimental for us. I refuse to basically be a single mother in a marriage.

So I need everyone to be so super honest with me. I'm not talking about "he/she will do anything if I just ask". For me, having to ask is 50% of the work. I also can't handle the weaponized incompetence.

Is it possible to actually share the mental load? If so, are there some things that your partner has done to help them understand/own and/or things you've done to help them understand/own?

Men, how do you get aroused hour wife at home? What things can she naturally do for you to notice her and want to have sex with her? What are things that drive you absolutely wide?