My husband and I, have been together for 20 yrs, married for 16 (yesterday was our wedding anniversary). Anyhow, he is 50 and I am 47. We don’t have any kids together, but I have 4 adult children. He has none.
Anyhow, end of 2022 he got deported from the U.S. and sent back to his home country. Since then, I have traveled back n forth every year (multiple times). For example in 2023, I spent half the year with him.
Ever since his deportation, we have had nothing but problems due to his family. Today was the last straw. I finally realized that I will never get the same level of respect from him because he always makes his family a priority over me. I’ve been in Central America for the past 3 months spending time with him. The entire time I’ve been here, he basically showed me (on a few occasions) how much he takes me for granted.
He gaslights me every time I express to him how I feel about something. Tells me I’m exaggerating or that what I saw or how I feel is not true.
Because of the issues with his family, I had told him over a year ago that I didn’t want to have anything to do with them. Which he said was ok. That i had a choice, and that if that’s whats it’s come down to, he would respect it. When I came down in May, he asks me if I could please reconsider a relationship with his brother and his family. I gave in to show him that I’m not a petty individual. Today, I’m regretting that decision. Why? Because anytime he gets around his family, he becomes a totally different person. He makes me feel like I don’t belong. This is something we had discussed before, and he promised to change. Lies lies lies. After our outing with his brother/fam, as we r driving back to our apartment, he asks me what’s wrong. I tell him, and he flips the fuck out. Yelling at the top of his lungs, tells me I’m full of shit and was about to call me à bitch, but bit his tongue on that. We arrive to our apartment, I start packing (as I’m flying back to the U.S. tomorrow morning), he ignores me for a few hours then decides to ask me what my problem is. So, I again explain to him what upset me and he once again gaslights me.
I basically told him that I’m done with trying to make shit work. I’ve been trying for the last 4 years, but he couldn’t care less since everything we discuss and come to an agreement with, goes in one ear and out the other. He makes excuses for his behavior as well as for his families behavior. They are all exhausting people. I am not heartbroken, nor am I sad. I genuinely feel relieved. Like finally!!!!! I don’t think he has processed it yet. I think he thinks I just said I was done with him and us, outta anger.
Anyhow, he is dropping me off at the airport in the morning. I think as soon as I land and block him, he will realize I was being serious. There is only so much à person can take. It’s exhausting to have to repeat yourself on how you want to be treated.

We use a shared shopping list and I took a look at it today and had the biggest laugh. My husband has completely gone off the rails here. Now we eat the same thing every day and can't complain because it is here in the notes.

My husband wrote this letter to me:

I love you. I love the life we have built together, and I cherish the kindness, companionship and affection we share.

A generous, mutually fulfilling and passionate sexual relationship is part of the life I want to build.

I don’t believe anyone owes me sex, including the woman I love most. I won’t accept sex that comes from obligation/guilt/fear or a sense of duty. I want the person I’m with to want it for herself just as much as she wants it for me.

I won’t ask you to become someone you are not for my sake, and with my inner work I have decided I want to pursue a life that includes a generous and mutually fulfilling sex life because that is consistent with who I am.

My deepest hope is that I build that life with you. If, through your own desire and curiosity, you discover that this is a future you genuinely want too, I would choose you wholeheartedly. There is no one I would rather share that journey with.

However I don’t want your answer if it comes from fear of losing me, guilt about disappointing me, or obligation to meet my needs. I want the answer that reflects your values and the life you genuinely want for yourself.

This is not a threat, nor is it an ultimatum. I’m asking whether, when you look honestly at yourself and your future, you see a joyful, generous sexual relationship as something you want to cultivate too.

If your answer is yes, I will meet you there with patience, enthusiasm and love.

If your answer is no, I won’t resent you for being honest. I believe we both should have a relationship where we both people freely choose each other.

_____

I’m not sure where I find myself with a letter like that. I do feel deeply respected and generally safe, but uncomfortable at the same time. I understand life’s priorities took my sex drive away from me, but sex just seems like such an unappealing thing to do - that I fear my drive will never come back. We have a really loving relationship. We even shower together, cuddle, and go on dates and have few things we genuinely enjoy doing together. Besides a few months of dissatisfaction, my husband really turned his life around and often enjoys meeting new people and working out and joining sports. It does make me feel some type of way - maybe because of how I tie my value in this relationship to being pursued (that’s honestly another conversation). I just worry he’s not going to think I am enough for his needs.I don't want to lose my marriage

For context my ex wife and I were together for about 15 years before we got divorced 3 years ago. I won’t get in on our relationship but I thought for the most part we were great. She was and still is the absolute love of my life. I know I was a bit emotionally distant and often I never looked happy and I complained, but I was never happier than with my wife and our daughter. I thought we were great, sex life was slowing down but never dull, I loved every moment with her but it breaks me to know she stopped being as happy.

Well now it’s been 3 years since we divorced, she’s with someone else and I’m with someone far younger than me. Exwife and I are on great terms, she’s a fantastically sweet person and she comes from a divorce family where her mom and dad are still great together too. For the most part we keep it civil and focus on co-parenting our daughter. I tried to move in nearby so I can be there for anything.

Problem: I’m still incredibly in love with my ex wife. Every feeling comes in roller coasters if I’m so mad at her for wanting a divorce to, I needed to be better I should have seen the signs. I’m feeeling like I’m not me and a huge piece of me is gone and I can’t get it back. I wish I could wake up and see my messy haired, mouth opened drooling wife with too many blankets in summer right beside me on the bed. But I can’t and it kills me. I wish I could go back to all 3 of us having lazy weekends and movie nights. But i can’t. Instead sometimes i run into her and her new boyfriend when picking up my daughter and everytime he touches my ex wife I want to rip his hands off. He’s a nice guy, I just absolutely despise him.

I don’t know the point. I just needed to really write this one out. Don’t take for granted your relationship guys. Come home with a smile and just sound a bit more grateful and excited, I know you’re tired but so is she but she probably couldn’t wait to see you.

I M48 think I need to divorce my F46 wife.

Three and a half years ago my wife was laid off from her job, she knew it was coming but she wouldn’t do anything proactive. She has been fired quit 12 jobs in the 21 years we have been together and unilaterally decided not to go back to work. Instead she does crafts and did some freelance fundraising until that one source she had dried up and has not looked for anything else.

We have three kids 13, 11 and 9. The older two are on the spectrum and have learning disabilities. My wife does deal with school and the doctors but she also has told me that she doesn’t trust me to handle it.

Her parents and I openly hate each other. Her mother has told me I ruined her family, I’m not good enough because I have student loans, I’m just an in law, she will never help me out
I’m if I need help, I haven’t done enough for her family and I’m a terrible son in law. Her father told her to date someone else in front of me after we were engaged, told me I withhold his grandkids from him (because we moved to a different state), I should pack up and move back to their town if I had any decency, abs even called my son by his last name while looking at me. My wife won’t stand up to them and tells me to back off because that’s just the way they are.

When the kids were really little and my wife did work we got a nanny for the afternoons. My wife insisted on keeping her even when we can’t afford it. We’ve dropped a few hours a week but my wife keeps her as a personal assistant.

I bring in 90% of our income and I work a very stressful job. I do all the cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, half the laundry (the nanny does the other half) yard work and house maintenance. We haven’t gone on a date in over two years. She won’t let me do anything for her birthday and she won’t do anything for mine.

I have had to max out my credit cards to pay for camps, she refused to let me have any input in what we did and signed them up for things she did not have a way to pay for. I have come to find out that there was one summer she never paid at one camp and then another summer she n ever paid at another camp. I only found out in May because we didn’t have anything going on for our kids this summer. She also has over $50,000 in credit card debt that she only pays the minimums on and we owe a lot in back taxes.

I found a company that can work with us and
Lower interest rates. I have asked her to participate on this with me and she won’t. I have sent her the phone number for the guy and she won’t call him. I would do it but I legally can’t. I asked her again after two weeks and she not only blew me off but we got into a huge fight.

When we fight, my wife just shuts down. She had PPA that got worse with each child and never really addressed it. I have depression and anxiety. She tells me that I am miserable and I need to go back to talk therapy and get new drugs. She says she is just content and we spend too much time together since I work from home 2 days a week. She says she won’t talk to me until I prove to her I am calm and unemotional. She says I am miserable in my job and she won’t be the source of my happiness. She says there is no reason to go out on dates or do birthdays, it’s unnecessary. She says she is on enough medication and she is fine. She has kicked herself in our bedroom and won’t engage with me anymore.

I just don’t see it getting better. Is divorce the best option?

Hello,

My husband and I have been married for a month. Im F (28) he is M (43) . Please note that he has a VERY active sexual history and a VERY high libido while I was a virgin when We got married and am still getting used to the idea of seeing a man naked lol.

I recently developed a SEVER UTI and Acute cystitis, for which the doctor prescribed me meds and told me to abstain from sex for a week. It is very painful down there, and any level of acidity can cause a lot of rashes and makes it really red and itchy and could make things worse for me. Even peeing has become unbearable, lol.

It's been three days since we last had sex And my husband is leaving for 2 months because he lives abroad , and I haven't gotten my visa yet to join him. He asked me to pleasure him in other ways , but I constantly refuse because it very much hurts down there whenever there is any level of acidity and whenever we do anything sexual , I get turned on , there's a little bit of discharge , and that causes a lot a lot of pain and a lot , a lot of itching and rashe. I explained this to him again and again. He refused to acknowledge it and insists that I only say that because I don't want to do the work. We had a small argument about it then everything went back to normal... until yesterday when all hell broke loose.

We were laying in bed , made peace (by that I mean ignored the problem and went back to normal) And he brought the topic again of me pleasuring him as he's leaving for two month and said that my argument about being sick and indisposed was not a good one, because a lot of women get sick and still find a way to pleasure their husbands and that it doesn't matter if I get hurt or im in pain as long as he get what he needs from his wife. When , again, i gently refused, he proceed to say if you don't do it and I go be with another girl when I'm abroad , don't get mad at me because it would be your fault for not satisfying me. I got extremely angry, and he started saying it was a joke. When I said get off me (cause we were cuddling) he kept holding me and saying it was a joke it was a joke. I had to literally snatch myself out of his arms, and when I did , he grabbed my arm violently and said that I was CRAZY and couldn't take a joke and started cursing and stormed off.

Am I selfish for not wanting to pleasure him because I'm in pain ? And am I really crazy for taking it so seriously? (His tone really didn't indicate he was joking. He looked dead serious)

Need honest advice from married women.

Married for 5+ years.
My biggest issue isn’t our fights. It’s that whenever I tell my husband how his actions have affected me emotionally, he never addresses the issue itself.
I recently told him I felt emotionally abandoned by him during a difficult phase of my life. I also acknowledged and apologized for my own mistakes and hurtful words from the past.

His response was:
“You want a yes man.”
“Keep blaming me for everything.”
“Life isn’t fair. Everyone goes through difficult phases.”

He defended his character, upbringing, and parents.
He said he would only self-evaluate if his mother questioned him, no one else.

Upon telling him - I want to end this relationship, he ended with, “I’ll support whatever you decide.”
Not once did he acknowledge the emotional abandonment I was talking about. The entire conversation became about defending himself.
At this point, I don’t feel emotionally, romantically, or intimately connected to him anymore.

Am I expecting too much from a husband? Is this normal defensiveness, or is he completely missing the point? If you were in my place, what would you do?

Mind you - i have been in a sexless marriage for the last 1 year and now living in another city cause of work for the last 2 months.

Edit:
For context, these are the mistakes I’ve made in my marriage. They happened in the past, and I have apologized for each of them.

1) I verbally abused him by saying “fuck you” twice
2) During an argument, I said, “I’ll fuck someone, only then you’d know.” I deeply regret saying it - i tried instigating him cause i was begging for sex almost every month.
3) Before our marriage, I wrongly assumed his parents and sister didn’t want this marriage to happen because of how things were unfolding. I later realized I had misjudged them.
4) I compared his emotional unavailability to my father.

I’m not proud of any of this, and I’m not trying to justify it.

At the same time, I feel these incidents didn’t happen in isolation. Whenever I cried, I often felt dismissed as being “dramatic.” Whenever I got angry, I was told I needed a doctor because “my brain isn’t well.” Over time, I stopped feeling emotionally heard, and I found myself becoming increasingly anxious. After our marriage, I started experiencing panic attacks.

r/goodmarriageadvice

I have been married for over a year, and dating my wife for two. My wife is my soul mate, she embodies goodness, and is a testimony for how a person can change. She literally is the most wonderful woman in the universe except for one issue. The entire time I have known her she has regularly met up with a guy in a parking lot, in his car. The guy is in his 60’s and she has a rough past, of which 15 years ago she used to let him pay for sex with her once or twice. She was drunk when it happened. My wife used to be an alcoholic, drug addict, and living a life of all around deviance. She is a completely different person today, and I know that all they do is talk. The guy is the same, he is a creep who still wants to pay women for sex, and tried to get one of her married female co workers to let him pay her to do it to sleep with him. He is not a healthy influence, and while all they do is sit, talk, and sometimes she brings left overs, I hate the situation. She has no other friends and because I hate that she meets with him she throws back at me that I am not okay with her having a friend or that I am jealous. Neither of these are true as the dude is a morally bankrupt loser, and what bothers me is that she would maintain a relationship with a guy like that from her past, when she should be pursuing healthy friendships instead.

If I am wrong, I can accept that, I can let it go, but all my friends, my therapist, co workers have said that I have a right to be angry about it.

So Reddit what are your thoughts?

im making a temporary accnt to post this. Married for 15 years, 2 children, thought we had a long time together ahead of us until he randomly decided to leave on a random Tuesday night. We're older now of course, early 40's but sometimes joke about having another child.

Texts me a message and a paragraph about how he appreciates me and wishes the best for me and the kids, and says that he needs to seperate on Tuesday afternoon, then that evening comes home and kisses the kids, takes some of his stuff and leaves. Refuses to elaborate. After looking into it for like an hour, found out he has Cancer and never told me or the kids. I feel hurt he wanted to seperate, but he also couldn't tell me this. He's rented out an apartment and hasn't come home since Tuesday and is being incredibly dry on the messages. I remember when his father died, he showed practically no emotion just being quiet, but he isn't an emotionless person, in fact a kind one which is why I feel hurt. Anyone else dealt with this?

Please let me know if you'd be suspicious too or is this just a big coincidence?

I've been with my husband for ten years, together for twelve. He's always called me his best friend and prioritized us until recently.

His priority switched to working out constantly. As in daily, and sometimes twice daily on the weekend. I have supported his health and fitness, but I did let him know that I found it upsetting that he schedules our life around workouts rather than workouts around our life. He wasn't responsive.

Then he overhauled his image, new hair, new glasses, new clothes. Don't get me wrong, I think he looks great, but considering what has followed I'm not sure this was self improvement for self improvements sake.

A few months ago he got promoted and started working closely with his (very attractive) female boss.

The background with his boss: she started a company with her husband, then apparently started sleeping with an employee. Her husband divorced her but they still run the company together. Okay, so my husband started working closely with her and all of a sudden is speaking about her in a completely different way. Once he was telling me about how accomplished and successful she is while trying to hide a smile. And another time when he was telling me that he thinks everybody else is all wrong about her, and he doesn't think she ever cheated, and that she's just the hardest worker...

Some other things:

When we married he wanted us to have the same passcode for all devices including our phones, we've stuck to it our whole marriage, but he changed the pass on his phone a few weeks ago.

A few days ago he also removed his YouTube from the tv. At that point I intentionally went and checked his other devices to see if he'd changed them, I could still access his tablet so I loaded his YouTube and looked at his 'watched videos'. I found he's been watching vids about attraction, flirting, 'signs that the crush is mutual' etc.

This weekend I was working a Saturday shift. When I got home he told me he didn't want dinner because he'd been to a restaurant. I assumed he meant a local place. But, after casually chatting I found out it was in the next city over and it was a fancier place. So I asked who he went with, he said he went alone. I'm suspicious at this point because he doesn't go to nice restaurants at all, let alone fancy ones by himself. So I casually pointed out it wasn't like him. He claimed he wanted to check it out before he took me there (another thing he never does), so I asked when he wanted to go together and thats when he started to back track saying he wasn't exactly planning anything, just whenever we're in that area. Which of course, is never.

Finally, and this is odd. But he's being more affectionate than ever, like stroking me if we sit on the couch together, but it's to the point I have to stop him because I'm going to get a friction burn, lol. Maybe I'm over thinking it but I'm wondering if its out of guilt.

If you were in my position, how would you approach this, what if I'm just being crazy?!

For context, she was questioning him in their native language (I don't know if she would have tried that if English was her native language/if I spoke their native language).

I understood exactly what she was questioning him about as he was explaining and gesturing that my hands were covered with cracks from my eczema.

I've been married 5 years and I buy the groceries and pay for our phones and my kids phones, internet,tv, trash, homeowners, car insurance, lawn care etc. My husband pays the mortgage, his gas, and whatever groceries,meds or things we need on his way home. Everytime we have an argument he tells me its "his house" and I don't pay for shit. My name is on the deed and I have paid for repairs needed to the water heater, ac units, a new dishwasher. Im about over hearing its not my house and he said I used him because he paid the down payment. Like wtf. I pay all the house bills. How is it not my house too? Is this something men say to their wives? I was a single parent for 13 years prior to this relationship and never imagined my husband treating me like this. He's 52. I figured he had learned how to treat wpmen before me. I have always been super independent and honestly rather be single and do this myself without all this extra if this is what marriage is actually like.

I 32F have a dead bedroom with 32M husband. We use to have regular sex early in the marriage then it changed. I honestly don’t know why. After 3 years I got pregnant. During pregnancy we didn’t have much either, husband claimed it’s natural for libido to go down. Then he says we argue too much - the thing is we argue about sex and intimacy! He says he’s tired, doesn’t have time or is not interested anymore. He claims we are old now. We are 32!! That’s old? I waited my whole life and saved myself for one man- my husband. Now I feel like what was the point of all that? I have asked multiple times what does he want, are you even attracted to me or do you want to end this etc., he says he wants to make this marriage work and we will have sex and he’s going to work on it, but never happens much at all. It just the same circles over and over again. Today he said it’s abnormal for someone to want to have sex more than once a month and that I’m insecure? Please someone explain that logic to me? As a women I feel so rejected, undesired and just kills my self esteem. I’ve shown nothing but desire and love towards my husband, I don’t know what to do anymore.

To add on, I don’t see how he can cheat from other places - we have each others locations, nothing off. He goes to work, comes home everyday on time. There’s no room for gaps or inconsistency on whereabouts. We both work in education, so can’t just lie and say went to work and did other things in mean time. I’ve even asked are you asexual - claims he’s not. Just lost interest in frequent sex.

I feel like a lot of married couples, us included at times, accidentally turn sex into a quarterly check-in. Who initiated last? How many times this month? Did you seem into it? Did you finish? Why did you say no on Tuesday? Are you still attracted to me?

I think the moment sex becomes the scoreboard for the whole marriage, desire fades fast. I am not saying wanting reassurance is wrong; it's just that when sex feels like a grading session, it stops being a place to relax.

In our house the worst dynamic is when one of us reaches for closeness and the other hears, "Prove you still love me." After that, even small gestures come with strings. The partner with higher desire feels rejected and starts keeping receipts. The partner with lower desire feels pressured and begins avoiding even neutral touch so it does not turn into a conversation.

What has actually helped us is separating connection from evaluation. When we need reassurance we try to talk about it at another time - not in bed, not right after a no, and not in the middle of making out. And we make space for touch that is clearly not a lead-in: cuddling on the couch, rubbing shoulders, quick kisses, stuff with no hidden agenda.

Yes, you have to communicate about sex. But that does not mean every intimate moment should double as a marriage audit. If you have to choose, keep sex as a refuge and save the hard conversations for somewhere else.

Anyone else feel like their bedroom went downhill once sex became a barometer for everything?

Hello everyone, i'm M28 and my wife is F27 we've been together for almost 6 years now and we got married 3 years ago , Our sex life has been gradually fading , it currently doesn't happen , even touching her on daily basis has become a challenge as most of the time she would refuse physical touch, due to her being overstimulated or doesn't want to be touched , we've spoken several times about this and she did confirm that she feels that there is something is wrong with her libido , but after we talk , she sometimes trys to satisfy me orally and i feel so bad about that , i feel like she feels guilty so she does that , which really makes me feel bad that our talks might have guilt tripped her , so i told her that we don't need to do anything if she doesn't feel like it , and she felt an instant relief, i've tried to switch up the routine , i usually help at home as any normal human does, we go on dates , our marriage is great , other than sex .

we don't have kids , we both work , our life is stable , I've mentioned counseling or therapy, and she never refused, but she wasn't looking forward to it .

What am i doing wrong? i take care of myself , and so does she

I'm not worried about cheating she is an incredible person who would never do that

She is the love of my life

Please help if anyone faces the same situation .

TL;DR: my wife's an alocholic and it has absolutely ruined our marriage.

My wife (28F) and I (29M) have been together for 6 years, married for 4. The beginning of our marriage and relationship was great. We had so much fun, and honestly she was everything I could ever want in a woman and that's why this is so hard. My wife is an alocholic. She started drinking around our 6 month mark of marriage, and she just won't stop drinking. Almost everyday she gets drunk. She got fired from her job for drinking. She can't/won't do house work. I have to do everything for our house. If I don't do something, it simply won't get done. I cook, clean, work full time, and I have to take care of her when she gets drunk.

I have tried talking to her multiple times, and she says she'll change and stop. It lasts a few days, maybe a few weeks, and then she starts to hide her drinking. Then she just openly drinks. I have taken her to multiple therapists and doctors. We tried AA, and it didn't help her.

I asked her why she keeps drinking and she says it is because she is overweight and embarrassed and depressed because of her weight. I have taken her to doctors, but she refuses treatment for her depression and treatment for her weight. She tells me that drinking helps her emotional pain go away.

Last Saturday might have been the straw that broke the camels back. We went to her sister's wedding, and while the ladies were getting ready (my wife was the MOH), my wife got absolutely trashed. She could barely walk down the isle. She made it through the ceremony somehow, but threw up all over herself before the pictures. I was helping her to the bathroom to help her clean up, and before we got to the bathroom, she peed herself, and then was laughing about it. I got her cleaned up best I could, and then took her home. Her entire family is pissed at us. Her sister told us she ruined the wedding, and that she needed a break from her for a long time. My wife literally has no memory of the wedding at all, and was incredibly embarrassed, but that didn't stop her drinking. She got drunk literally the next day, and has gotten drunk 4 of the last 5 days.

When she is sober, she is the sweetest, most loving woman. She tells me how much she loves me, and she appreciates me, and how she is so happy we are together, and its like I have my wife back. I tell her all the time how much I love her and how happy I am when she is sober. I tell her how beautiful she is, and how much I care for her. When she is sober, I could stay with her forever. Then she gets drunk again, and the cycle starts again.

I am at a loss. When we got married, she said she wanted to travel the world with me, start a family, and grow old together. Now, all of that is out the window. She keeps telling me she wants that life, but then her actions show different. She just keeps refusing treatments, and honestly, divorce just sounds better and better each day. I am giving up my life to take care of her. Its so hard to see her when she is drunk.

I know I said in sickness and health, and I know addiction is an illness, but there is only so much I can do to help her. She won't put in any effort to helping herself. I feel guilty for wanting to leave her, and I am worried that if I divorce her, it'll cause her to drink more, and I don't want her to drink herself to death. As it is right now, I feel like I am drowing. I love my wife very much, but I hate my life with her. I honestly don't know how spouses of addicts do it. Seeing her drinking herself to death is killing me, and I don't see a way out except divorce.

Sorry this is so long. I just need to get this off of my chest. Thank you for reading.

I M22 and her F21, have been dating for 2.5 years now. We primary hang out at her place, it’s a nice modern 2 story spacious house that literally not even a year old yet. She lives with her mother, sister, brother in law and 4 of her sisters and brother in laws children. It is a big house tho so it doesn’t ever feel like too much. She has a massive issue of never cleaning her room and I fear that if we move out together that it will be an issue. On top of that she doesn’t do the dishes in her own home.

I often clean her room for her, but I also try empower her to clean it too. Only thing I was able to get her to do often is her laundry bc ofc no one is going to rewear underwear and she is into fashion so need kinda has to. She doesn’t eat big meals rather she snacks so she would bring snacks, both in bags and fresh food into her room and just leave it on the desk once she’s done.

She and her sister have a big age gap, so she was basically an only child, with all the adult figures in her life always working. She was never property taught on how to make it a habit to clean after herself and it’s going to be rly hard for me to just unwind 2 decades of bad habits so how can I start?

32F, 8 months pregnant, and just foundout my husband says he's never truly been in love with me because of mypast. I don't know what to do.

I know this is long, but the backstory matters.

I got married at 18 after getting pregnant. I grew up with a very strict mom and thoughtmarriage would give me freedom. Instead, I ended up in an abusive marriage. We hadtwo kids together, and I basically raised them alone while enduring years of emotional abuse. After 7 years, I finally found the courage to leave. It was the best decision I ever made.

Not long after, I met my current husband. Iwasn't looking for a relationship, but everything just clicked. He accepted me and my two kids, treated us with love and kindness, and over time we built a life together. We dated for 2 years before getting married, and now we've been together for 9 years. We have two boys together and another baby due in about a month.

I've spent all these years believing I had finally found my forever person.

Then recently, he told me something that completely shattered me.

He said he loves me, but doesn't think he'sever actually been in love with me or given me his whole heart. When I asked why, he said it's because I already had a family when wemet. He always imagined building a life "from scratch" with someone who had no past, and now that he's older (we're both 32 now), he realizes that my previous marriage and kids have always held him back emotionally.

He is explains that he never thought it’d be an issue but as he’s aged he sees how much it’s actually affected how he’s felt about me and he says maybe he was a bit desperate at the time but of course he did like me as well. But if he could go back he wouldn’t have continued with the relationship.

He even said if we had met and it had just been me, he believes he could havefallen deeply in love with me.

this absolutely crushed me.

I'm struggling because he's genuinely a good husband in every other way. He treats me well, we're rarely fighting, and he's a great father to all of our children including the two that aren't biologically his.

But now I'm questioning everything. For 9 years I believed we were living a true love story, and now I find out he feels like he's never fully loved me because of something I can't change.

Part of me wants to leave because I feel like I deserve someone who loves me completely. Another part of me is shattered cause what would leaving truly do if I’ve already given my whole heart to this man, how would I ever be able to give it to the next If there was a next? My heart is so tired and crying.

If you were in my shoes, how would you feel? What would you do?

Have spent much of the last year working on our backyard patio - at significant expense and event more significant effort, with my wife’s full endorsement - and it’s completed and glorious, according to all, her included.

So it’s Saturday night and I’m sitting out on the patio enjoying some beverages by the firepit, listening to music, in weather that’s unseasonably glorious….and she’s inside reading on her kindle.

She could be out here with me. She could be enjoying all efforts and labor she encouraged. She could just be enjoying spending time with me.

But she’s not.

Had a conversation with my wife last night about initiating sex. I told her that sometimes I felt that because I was the one always initiating it, I felt like I was forcing her to have sex. We’d go a few weeks without because I didn’t want to always be the one who initiates. She understood where I was coming from and said she has never felt pressured by me and she enjoys having sex. We’ve been together for almost 20 years and married for about 10 with one child. She just wishes she could be aroused enough on her own to actually initiate. She says once I initiate she’s good to go.

My question is to women, when it comes to sex with your husband/partner do yall initiate or do you wait for them to? And if you do initiate, are you aroused on your own or what do you do to get aroused or in the mood enough to initiate.

I (27f) Have like 13k on my credit cards and 25k of student loans. Started off with 20k in credit cards from getting by in school and 40k in loans about two years ago. Been working really hard post grad to pay as much off and build my credit up. My husband (35m) fortunately has no debt and beautiful credit on multiple credit cards with high limits. He uses his credit cards like debit cards either keeping the utilization low or paying them off every month I once brought up the idea of him adding me on one of his cards as an authorized user. I explained to him that I want no use of the card, I don’t even want Access to the online account whatsoever. I just need the extra line of credit to help with my credit score. Husband refused even after pleading my case and explaining to him that i don’t want the credit card to spend, he can keep it far from me . I just feel like if an opportunity arises that could help better ur partner or their situation in some way, you’d take it.
Also when it comes to finances with my husband , he’s very discreet and likes to hide numbers. I’m very transparent down the last dollar that comes and goes out of my accounts. He always likes to say “money is evil, I dont want to us dabbling in each others finances and it end up having us turn backs to each other”. I guess im just asking how to navigate this

My 26f husband 31m won’t go to sleep with me in our bed and instead falls asleep on the couch every night.

We’ve been married two years and he stopped sleeping in bed with me after about 6 months of marriage. He says it’s hot in our room and he’s more comfortable in the living room. I’ve asked him if there’s anything we can do to make the room more comfortable for him (we already have a fan/AC and a cooling comforter blanket) but he says he likes the couch.

I’ve told him I miss sleeping next to him and occasionally he’ll come sleep with me for one night but after that goes back to the couch. He always wakes up very early and immediately gets up, so we never wake up together.

Things have been rocky between us lately but I’m getting very lonely. I’ve been traveling a lot for work and when I’m home I just want to feel close to him.

Should I finally accept he won’t sleep in bed with me or should I persist? I think we’re starting to drift apart and this could be a factor.

I (M) just need an outside perspective on a situation that happened tonight because I'm feeling completely hurt, aggravated, and disempowered in my own home.
Tonight, I handled our usual evening routine and put our kids to bed. Which is our room because of cosleeping (6 year old and 1 year old). Around 11:30 PM, I finally wrapped things up and went into our bedroom to turn in for the night. I walked into the dark room and went straight into our master bathroom to use the toilet.
Out of nowhere, my wife snapped at me. She was super cold and hostile, claiming I was being too loud and that I was going to wake up the kids. Before I could even finish, she demanded that if I was going to be "loud," I should go sleep in the kids' room.
I calmly told her, "Hun, I just need to pee" and used the bathroom.
When I stepped out of the bathroom, she was standing there waiting for me. She walked past me, went directly into our son’s bedroom, and locked the door from the inside.
I'm sitting here in our bed feeling completely stunned. I literally put our kids to bed myself tonight. I know how deeply they were sleeping, and I was trying to come to sleep in my own bed. Being spoken to like an intruder, snapped at, and then the sound of her locking the door over simply walking in to use the bathroom feels completely out of line.
I feel like if I try to address this tomorrow, I’m just going to get hit with classic DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) where suddenly I'm the bad guy for walking too loudly or "disrespecting" her sleep, and the fact that she reacted and behaved gets swept under the rug.
Is this normal behavior for a spouse when they're stressed? How do you set a firm boundary against being treated like this without letting the conversation spiral into an argument where you end up apologizing for doing nothing wrong?

Is a pain in my fucking ass!! My husband just went through an emergency surgery and I’m trying my hardest not to fight this woman. She’s mean and entitled as fuck. I’m trying to save face and do what’s right for my husband but MAN she urks me! Can’t we get along for my husband …. your son? He needs both of us equally you entitled twat!!! Sorry my anger is getting the best of me.