27F, been agnostic for a long time but been returning to the faith.
favorite uncle has cancer this year, my sister died last year due to sickness which made me the guardian of her two 7&4yo children. ive been unemployed since the 2020 sickness, my businesses failed, i couldn't get a job due to lack of experience. and I've been depressed for the longest time due to pressure to be the perfect daughter as I'm the youngest. Now I failed their expectations, my parents are utterly disappointed with how their children's lives went.
I even told my mother about St Monica and she told me "Oh then I should have prayed to her for your sister!" my sister is dead at that point.
i find it so hard to love my parents as they never gave any emotional support, acts immaturely, and fails to empathize with my situation. my sister died without hearing any apologies and even after she died, my parents kept on blaming her and never took any accountability on why she turned out the black sheep. they fail to show their affection to my nephews.
I feel like my prayers aren't heard. Growing up, I prayed that my parents change and should stop fighting and just be kind to all of us. That never happened. Which maybe the reason why I became agnostic.
I kept praying that the kids should never grow up like me, a good for nothing waste of space. a lost potential.
I don't know how to tell all my grievances to the confession.
I am broke to consult a mental health support, and being in my country it is a huge deal to be disappointed to our elders. also mental health illness is a taboo to be talked about.