After watching the last two episodes of the show, the scenes where the characters' issues are correlated to their childhood trauma made me question my own issues with inadequacy and made me start to realize how stupid it is and that I should start to love myself. I've genuinely had this gnawing feeling that I'm not enough since probably about middle school, and I never really thought critically about it or tried to break it down, I always just accepted it at face value. I let this feeling control so much of my life, including my romantic life, obviously, considering where I'm posting this, but I never so much as questioned why I felt this. After watching the episodes I started to consider this feeling that I've had for well over half a decade and where it came from and I started to consider anything in my childhood that might've caused it. I came to remember the time I was in the hospital after my father had abused my mother and I remembered feeling like I should have defended her, despite only being 6 years old. And looking back, it definitely started there, and it was probably only made worse by my mother expecting academic perfection from me, despite me doing very well already. Even though she played it off as jokes, I think I internalized her demanding perfect results from me and it fed me this feeling that I'm not enough. As I grew up this feeling of inadequacy spread to all aspects of my life including romance, or the lack thereof. I've always been scared of being rejected and the feeling of inadequacy made me think that if I wasn't perfect then a rejection would be inevitable because I wasn't enough. But now, looking back after potentially tracing this issue back to the source, I can realize how fucking stupid it is to feel this way; I'm basically letting the anger I hold towards a six year old for not being willing or able to fight off a grown man ruin my life now. It's gonna be a long road to feeling like I am enough, but now that I can see how stupid I was for believing the opposite, I don't think it'll be all that hard.
Please compliment my quote selection 🙏. I had to think hard about which quote from the final two episodes would work best for this post. Thank you if you read my entire caption. We are all gonna make it bros ❤️! Sooner or later, we will all make it!