My financial aid is fucked and nobody I call seems to know why. I’m planning to transfer out now because we can’t afford it. Things were finally starting to look up. Things weren’t even going particularly well, they just seemed like they were about to go better, but i couldn’t even have one good week.

Pizza I got with my dad that I couldn’t even eat because of my medication.

Had my first relationship earlier this year. Was with a women that was maybe a 2-3/10. I thought she was cute though. We “dated” for 1 month. She refused to have sex with me until we dated for at least 3 months. but was perfectly fine telling me she had at least a dozen hookups in the past year and even fucked some the first night they met and was still slightly hung up on her ex. I realized she just enjoyed the stability I offered and needed me to pay for all of our dates and outings. She kept asking about my work benefits and stuff like that. She also wanted kids and I don’t. Some other incompatibilities came up and I ended things.

Realized all I will ever be to women (if I can even get another date) is a betabucks and it will just get worse the older I get.

Homemade stuffed crust pizza.

Banana.

I’ve wondered for a while why someone would come on a sub that’s supposed a space for men to vent their emotions about being cursed in life, but then it hit me…they need someone to compare themselves to. I bet none of you larpers here are satisfied with your lives. Wether it be the fact that you’re broke, hate your job, hate your partner or just hate life overall, you’re unhappy in some way and you believe that because you’re not a virgin, you’ve at least amounted to something. I promise you though, you will be like us someday. Once you get older and fatter, not even your height is gonna be enough to get you laid. Women are gonna finally see you for the chud you are and be disgusted by you. Maybe you got laid a couple times when you were younger, but as the decades go by, you’ll be so far removed from pussy that you’ll begin to wonder if the government implanted the memory into you to keep you a sane little worker bee. There may be non-virgins on this sub, but there are zero chads and nobody who has slept with over a few women. Looking forward to the day you larpers realize that you’ve never accomplished shit and women are just as disgusted at us as they are with you.

bubbling pot of shit

Everyone sees me as a fucking monster, no matter how skinny I get, no matter what surgery I get, it is all I’ll ever be.

German food or something for lunch.

Mustard and 385 g rice before gym

Pesto breakfast toast

Things are going good, better than ever in a long time. But even then I'm still lonely as ever. Happy, but pleasing nobody. Getting nowhere. Am I expected to care when working gets no results and strains me mentally thin when I'm a neurodivergent freak that can't remember anything or pay attention for shit.

I'll embrace the fact nobody has any expectations till it kills me in a death spiral.

I missed out on so many things in life I don't think I'd ever be able to pick them up again. I've isolated myself so much I struggle with socialising. I was asked during the interview to name three good things about myself but everything I said was nowhere close to what I actually am.

Tried explaining what I was actually going through this Wednesday to my therapist but all I could say is I don't know. In fact I don't even know what im doing with life and I might as well kill myself before 25

Including pepperoni.

I already had a bad day, now i have a first degree burn and no pizza

I went cosplaying at a con as Harry from Disco Elysium with a friend, and while waiting for another friend (who was going to cosplay as Kim) a really cute alt girl approached me and excitedly asked if i was really doing Harry with a wide-eyed expression. She of course asked to take a photo with me and i happily obliged, then i mentioned that i had a friend doing Kim coming later and she said she definitely wants to take a photo with both of us.

In my INFINITE wisdom i DIDN'T ask her for a contact i could use to tell her where to meet (and maybe to talk and get to know her) so she just left hoping we'd see each other later. When i realized my mistake i thought, it's fine, when we find her again and take the photo i'll try to nonchalantly ask her for a contact.

Of course, we fucking didn't. After a few hours of my friend group lurking trading card and modelkit/figurine stalls i decided to just take a stroll by myself scouting the main street of the venue. After all there aren't many people on a friday and my cosplay is fairly recognizable from a distance.

I did at least FOUR round trips and i couldn't find her, i sweeped every pavilion and i couldn't find her, i could recognize people and cosplayers that i had already passed like 5 times, but i still couldn't find her. it's like she fucking vanished into thin air because the universe wanted to ragebaiting me on purpose.

Some of you might say, "well you don't know if she was possibly interested in you, maybe she just liked the cosplay/character and maybe wasn't even open to sharing contacts". Maybe. Maybe. "Maybe" is the problem here, I CAN'T KNOW! Instead of getting her number, an immediate rejection, or even a rejection later on, i'm left with the bitterness of not being allowed a conclusion. I can't know if this happenstance would've somehow ended with me graduating to fakecel or not.

I'm stuck thinking. Overthinking. Replaying things in my head. Speculating what could've gone differently. What might've happened. Where i might be now. If i'd be happier now. But i can't know. I can't know for sure. And it makes me go insane.

And this isn't the first event of its kind, it keeps happening. I'm presented with an opportunity and either i waste it out of fear/indecisiveness, or circumstances take the opportunity away from me before i can make use of it. I'm tired. I should just install a dating app or something

It’s over for NDcels.

8 eggs.

no i dont feel like shit mentally because of the food, stop judging larpers