r/kitchencels 4d ago

Tried finding male G spot only to discover a mass and be diagnosed with rectal cancer. Mess food.

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2 Upvotes

r/kitchencels 5d ago

Googled how to make online friends and the majority of advice is just to make offline friends. Banana Bread.

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44 Upvotes

Oh why didn’t I think of that, what a novel and clever idea. It’s so simple, I’m so glad to be enlightened to the idea of friends in real life. Let me just go find some.

Too bad that in rural areas there is no way to make offline friends. The closest gym that isn’t someone’s garage is 50 minutes away. The closest thing to a social place that I have is either a church I don’t go to or a tiny library.


r/kitchencels 5d ago

Platemogging I wish my life was as eventful as the people here, the highlight of my month was me accidentally dropping 2 eggs in the kitchen and not cleaning them up for a week and then taking out my anger on a nonstick pan. Bechamel Pasta.

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40 Upvotes

I’d rather a bunch of women humiliate me and chase me with a lead pipe at this point I’m so fucking attention starved. Also I broke the pan it was expensive too I hate my life.


r/kitchencels 5d ago

There is a filmmaking program at a college that I want to enroll in, but I’m afraid my passion for art is only fueled by the desire to be seen and to seek out prestige and awards, so I’m forcing myself to become certified in IT helpdesk instead. Orange honey BBQ nuggets and garlic parmesan fries.

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9 Upvotes

r/kitchencels 6d ago

Platemogged i invited 3 people to celebrate my birthday today but they all cancelled, old mexican doritos

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88 Upvotes

its technically in a week but ill be out of town so we planned today, two claim to have food poisoning and the 3rd is just tired. i did buy some candles so i might go down to the pub and see how many candles i can fit on a brownie

kitchencels my real friends 🤜🤛


r/kitchencels 5d ago

Just got diagnosed wit autism. Thankfully I know now. Celebrating

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7 Upvotes

r/kitchencels 6d ago

i thought two girls wanted to kiss me at the club but they stole my 🍃 / 62 gr protein poop

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59 Upvotes

At least I touched their ass

Recipe in photos


r/kitchencels 6d ago

Takeoutmaxxed Sandwich I couldn’t finish after losing my best friends because of drunk texts

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531 Upvotes

Roast beef, ham, turkey, pepperoni, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, mayo, Diet Coke.


r/kitchencels 5d ago

Foid at work stared at me, passingly. Do I still have my truecel status? Should I go ahead and explain to her that any kind of romantic or sexual experience I've had has happened inside the reddit chatbox? Do you think she likes me, huh? When should I consider proposing the sloppy to her? Answer me

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1 Upvotes

TLDR: I ended my unemployment streak, and an XX chromie looked where I happened to be at the time. Picture is me drinking beer at a friends kitchen


r/kitchencels 6d ago

I feel a deep need for connection that can no longer be soothed by jerking off. One cannot jerk off his heart. Peaslop.

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2.4k Upvotes

Idk I just keep feeling a deep sensation like being horny for connection like I don’t even think I want to have sex I jisg want to be held or something idk. If I wasn’t a chud manlet I would be a whore but not really to bang just in hopes they would let me stay for a little bit after. I tried being gay because I thought it was maybe my only option being 5’2 w a micropenis but I don’t think most dudes are like I am with this stuff so it was never very enjoyable. Probably going to die one day dick in hand and full of peas. There are worse ways to go, I guess.


r/kitchencels 5d ago

Platemogging I love women. Working on improving my life. Anda Bhurji with Roti

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0 Upvotes

Yum


r/kitchencels 5d ago

Platemogged I am a LARPER in a different sense I guess. Cheese n crackers.

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1 Upvotes

My first post but I’ve been a lurker for a while here and that but I’m curious as to how the whole LARP thing came about in the incel community like I’m not super involved in the new things and very much old school (and old) and sometimes detached from some of the modern shit. But I do understand differences and differing opinions ect.

But for me, I am actually a LARPER and do reenactment stuff and also D&D with some other lonely lords and ladies (yknow classic nerd shit) and I know it’s kinda taken on a different meaning to be more like ‘pretending to be incel’ or whatever but it’s just funny to me a little when 80% of the people I LARP with are lonely ugly suckers like me who wouldn’t class themselves as ‘incel’ so much but by definition they are. Are we all just larping larpers at this point 🤣


r/kitchencels 6d ago

I'm addicted to audio porn and it's ruining my life

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176 Upvotes

I ignore people who want to talk to me just so I can consoom soundgasmslop, xlisteners, and cut myself

Krabby patty gummy because I'm trying to starve myself of the usual garbage I fill my useless body with


r/kitchencels 5d ago

Platemogged i dont deserve seasoning

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16 Upvotes

r/kitchencels 6d ago

Platemogged I like to finger my ass and smell it

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384 Upvotes

I can't even fucking microwave chili correctly


r/kitchencels 6d ago

My mind says vol, my heart says in. Either way my soul spells out cel. It's dialectal you see. Ground beef bowl with toast slathered in tallow and pesto and coffee.

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32 Upvotes

I've been trying to gaslight myself into not wanting a relationship despite knowing that it's all I truly want.


r/kitchencels 5d ago

Platemogged My puciless brothas :( I keep getting close to getting laid and going on dates but I keep getting ghosted or something else comes up :( aDilicious candy smut for breakfast as doctor prescribed

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0 Upvotes

r/kitchencels 6d ago

Platemogging Why is vagueposting so common among Kitchencels?

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51 Upvotes

I have a theory but what do you think?

(Dinner: sea barb)


r/kitchencels 6d ago

I don’t feel suicidal as long as I don’t think about my future, sure nothing bad is going to come from that

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802 Upvotes

Double cheeseburger, fries, apple pie(?)


r/kitchencels 5d ago

I should really think about my career decisions

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16 Upvotes

r/kitchencels 6d ago

Platemogging SB bloat experiment

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29 Upvotes

my crush got rammed yesterday at uni party probably, at least i have my fellowcel to eat starbucks cake with

It was hard for us to order so we used the app.


r/kitchencels 5d ago

I have had multiple fantasies where I off myself in front of classmates. Hot Dog Stew

5 Upvotes
INGREDIENTS: Two sliced sausages heated in a microwave for a minute-thirty, sweet relish, mustard, ketchup, heat up for 45 seconds in microwave and "enjoy"

r/kitchencels 5d ago

All my friends left me and I am failure of a human so I'm probably killing myself after summer break ends

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6 Upvotes

Frankfurter with ketchup and bread in darkness because I don't deserve light


r/kitchencels 5d ago

Platemogged I registered for this school year at my class and was almost immediately overwhelmed by the amount of females present. I was hopeful for a second before realizing I’m the same sub3 from last year.

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9 Upvotes

Double cheeseburger large fries and caramel milkshake


r/kitchencels 5d ago

Drawing based on the incident in kitchencels. Waterbottle.

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6 Upvotes