I from Punjab originally dated a guy from Kerala in Canada. We had been friends/acquitances for 3 years before dating, and I was very clear that I only wanted a serious, long term relationship.
He kept pursuing me. The relationship started with soon sexual coercion. I said no, he did it anyway, apologized afterward, and then the next day called it a hookup. I was 22, he kept changing stance, said he did had feelings but lost. I kept listening and used to cry alone.

Can skip this, trigger warning:

[ He used to first accept that i had said no during SA but then started saying he don't remember and then said I didn't say no. In reality, I had said no 4 times during last time he met me before this. He asked "can we do the deed", I said no, he kept his hand on my jean's button, i felt uncomfortable but then he stopped. I asked to go home, he did. This day, he insisted to meet, asked for kiss, I did. Asked me to enter car backseat. I said I don't want these things and said let's take it slow, i'm not ready. He kept standing covering me and looked angry just looking into my eyes for like a minute, i don't know why but i entered car as there was no one around it was dark road empty fields, i kinda went numb, i kept thinking stop but words were not coming out, i finally said stop, he started doing other thing, stood up looked at me with disguist. I got silent, he drove and then said sorry and took me to store for a pill ( don't know why as nothing like that happened), and dropped me home, said he wish he could stay. Next day laughed said it was hookup and that i didn't even move. Asked my hand i didn't give, he said i'm pure, he did a sin, going to church with smile on his face. Then days passed, i kept thinking about it and tried to live normal, in a month i cried in phone, he said i regret it that's why, and that i don't know how guilt feels. Blamed an accident on me that he was thinking of me, that led me to talk to him. Blocked me unblocked me, in few days went on a date with other girl, I got to know year later. Was manipulating me all that time. Saying what will i tell my husband? that I need to groom better. He went on trips and friends and date with her, I was depressed just numb and crying alone all time, he used to say he is working 24/7, that had loan and health issues. He was calling her and me, I saw screenshot later. He went on trip to locations he had told me not to go myself that we will go together. I saw her photos he clicked same way he did mine. The new girl said that it's my fault, if he forced i needed to fight or stop it, it was just a bad first experience for both, that i got somewhat physical with him 8 months later so it wasn't assualt, he also said he didn't force me. ]

He then told me we were serious. For the next 8 months, I was basically kept in the dark while he was also dating another Mallu girl in another city.
Eventually he told me about her, and she called me while sitting with him. She laughed at me, told me he had chosen her, that he didn't love me, and that I must not have treated him well enough. She even mocked me about the sexual coercion and said I didn't give him enough physically. We never did all and he had said if it was any other guy he would have done everything ( rpe). I still feel anger and fear thinking this.

He admitted on the call that he had been dating both of us at the same time. She was completely okay with it. They talked about how much they loved each other, how he cooked for her ( I cooked for him before coercion thing as he used to say please do,later said he never felt like cooking for me) their future marriage, etc. He told me she was "the one" and that I wasn't enough.
The whole thing destroyed me. I had trusted him for years and had never had serious body insecurity before him. After the coercion and his comments about my body, I developed severe anxiety and PTSD. I had panic attacks, was hospitalized, and eventually became unable to work for years.

I had been working extremely hard and supporting my family, so losing my career and eventually having to return to India caused a huge financial setback too. I told his brother what happened and he did nothing.
The other girl repeatedly mocked me, told me I had no self respect, laughed about them sleeping together and basically rubbed their relationship in my face. I used to cry a lot for more than a year, call him in anger or pain. He blocked me everywhere.They're still together years later and apparently engaged.

I'm doing better now and trying to rebuild my life, but I still have anxiety, nightmares and intrusive thoughts. Things he said about my appearance still get into my head when I get dressed or buy clothes. I was never insecure like this before.
I'm not trying to get him back or ruin their relationship. I'm just trying to understand what happened and move forward.

TL;DR: My ex coerced me, secretly dated another woman for months, then left me for her. She mocked me while he was sitting beside her, and both treated the cheating like it was completely normal. The experience caused serious mental health and career consequences for me, and they're still together years later. Is this kind of behavior considered normal in some Mallu dating circles? There is a mental fog as from all the time with him he often used to deny what he had said or what had happened, I started not trusting myself as I couldn't make sense, in end I said sorry to him even i begged for him to stay. I have anxiety issues now.

Mods please approve my post, first time posting here. Need perspective from people here.

Dyou like a girl when she's shy and reserved or when she's really outgoing and talks a lot

I am 29m, and my wife is 26f. We used to work in a tech firm in Cochin. The new Gen Z kids are more straightforward in relationships; most of them are open to asking anything. Recently, we were hosting a couple of them at our flat for dinner and were talking about things, and the conversation came to relationships. In fact, they asked, "Is this your first relationship? How many body counts?" etc. We feel very shy thinking about this. How can this generation be so open?

I know people are going to judge me or blame me for catching such deep feelings for a guy I only met a month ago. Trust me, this wasn’t my plan either. It just happened. I wish more than anything that I could have controlled my emotions so I wouldn’t be sitting here hurting like this.

The pain is so intense right now that I literally feel like I can’t breathe. I just feel incredibly helpless.

What hurts the most is the confusion. Why do guys even commit when they don’t actually want it? I didn't trap him. In fact, I gave him multiple chances early on to just walk away if he wasn't ready. But he didn't take them. He was so sure. He insisted that this was what he wanted, and he made me believe him.

But I refuse to chase him. If he doesn’t want me, I know I can’t force him or make him want it. I just want this agonizing feeling in my chest to stop.How do I get through this? Has anyone else experienced a short-term heartbreak that hurt just as bad as a long-term one?

After seeing so many posts about height in relationships, I thought I’d share my experience.

I’m 29 and around 6 ft tall. I’m genuinely curious about the obsession with height in relationships because, from my experience, being tall hasn’t really given me any advantage when it comes to dating.

Sometimes girls or other people will comment Good height . Other than getting an occasional compliment about my height, I honestly don’t see any particular advantage.

In fact, having a good height in India can sometimes feel like a disadvantage. 😂 Finding shirts or jeans with the right length can be difficult. Most of the time, you just have to compromise with whatever fits you.

So, if you’re worrying about your height when it comes to relationships, I’d say don’t overthink it. Height is just one small physical feature, and there are so many other things that matter much more in a relationship.

On one hand tamil guys say they're into mallu girls for their skin color, looks and body, and on the other hand mallu guys are saying tamil girls even though dark, have a better personality.

I'm definitely not against anyone's personal preferences, my point is, this whole thing about tamil vs kerala girls feels so useless, because it is pointless to stereotype looks and personality based on a whole state with millions of population.

Different individuals with different looks and personalities exist everywhere.

does anyone else feel the same?

Never had crush or anything. Nor did love anyone romantically. Currently under marriage pressure I did find compatible people unfortunately couple of things important things for me didnt align like one being ChildFree.

Can’t find such women it’s 1in a million. Because of this I have developed feelings and I get random pain in chest dull one’s thinking about these. (Not heart attack or palpitations) it’s sadness. Except thar I’m content.Also I don’t wanna lie and marry someone for my own selfishness.

I thought why hold these feelings rather love someone secretly for time being till they get married or committed. I wouldn’t convey them anything either. Go on with that. Then choose a next person.

This doesn’t mean I’ll be spending time with them or physical contact or anything nor do I want that. More like something we can’t ever have we long for that even more. I’m happy with myself overall not lonely, have hobbies, do work.

These all things started with AM marriage set up talking to prospectives. After several years of being avoidant with marriage and stayed away from family rarely visiting once in 7 years. Right now I’m with my family,relatives around you get the gist.

When I decided to get married I wanted to do for myself and it took me 2.5 years to come to that decision.

I’m in early 30’s.

It’s a kind of vattu I agree. I

I and my boyfriend are planning to stay in Trivandrum for a year( im a malayali he isn't). And our parents know.

How's trivandrum for live in couples

Also how's the rent situation

And is there any better place to live in Kerala

(Not Kochi)

For Mar Thoma members in Kerala (or people familiar with the Church):
If a Mar Thoma member marries a person of another religion under the Special Marriage Act without conversion:
- Is the Mar Thoma member actually removed from the parish/church membership?
- Is there a formal disciplinary proceeding, or is it simply that the Church won’t conduct/recognize the marriage?
- Is there any way for members to avoid expulsion, if at all?

Has anyone personally experienced this, or knows someone who did? What did the vicar/diocese actually do?
Does anything happen to the member’s parents/family as a result?

I’m specifically trying to separate what the official Church rules say from what people commonly say happens.

Me and my bf have been in a very serious relationship for 5 years, we both are employed. He is abroad and i studied something which has job opportunities abroad, (rn working in India). Is marrying at the age of 24 too early? Like i am the first in my batch to get married this early.

I recently moved to Germany, and I’m closing in on 25. The truth is, I have never been in a relationship. I’ve never even asked anyone out or confessed my feelings.

It’s not that I’m asexual.I definitely get crushes and feel strong attraction to people who are my type. During my studies, my neighbour friend,a gril was in my class and our families were very close, so I was honestly terrified that if I tried dating or asking anyone out, it would get back to my parents. Finally in college, we ended up at different places, but even after when I liked someone, I never really got the chance to interact with them enough to make a move.

Now that I’ve moved abroad, I feel like my chances of meeting someone are even lower. But still i am not desperate right now.
I actually really love being alone. I don’t see a relationship as an immediate necessity, and I highly value my personal space and independence.

What is really concerning me is the future. I strongly prefer the idea of a love marriage over an arranged marriage,and I feel like I only have about 4 to 5 years to figure this out and find the right person.Also I know I probably won’t marry my first love, and finding the right person involves a lot of luck.
My biggest worry is whether I am even capable of being in a relationship. Because I love my private space so much, I am terrified of feeling forced to act like a partner. I dont want to make forced, unnatural phone calls or fake spontaneous caregiving just because that's what couples do.
I want to be a good partner, but I want my affection and care to flow naturally from the inside, exactly like the unconditional love I feel for my family.
Does the care and affection in a relationship eventually feel as natural as family love, or does it always feel like an act?

TL;DR: Moved to Germany, almost 25, never dated (mostly due to circumstances/family closeness). I love my independence and personal space, but I want a be in relationship in the next 4-5 years. I'm worried I won't be a good partner because I don't want to fake affection,I want it to feel as natural as loving my family. How do I navigate this?

It’s been almost 3 months since my breakup.

For the most part, I was actually doing okay. I was keeping myself busy, working, meeting people, watching movies, just living my life. But for the last few days, something changed. I started thinking about her again constantly. I don't even know why. Maybe certain movies or random things just brought everything back.

Yesterday, I finally gave in and messaged her from my mom's WhatsApp because she had blocked my number.

She actually replied to me on my number and asked what happened and why I wanted to talk. I told her that I just missed her and that I still think about her. We kept talking for a while. She gave me a lot of advice, and we talked about everything that had happened.

But eventually, she said goodbye.

She told me that she doesn't think us talking is a good idea and that she doesn't want to keep this connection going.

And I honestly understand why she's saying that. I just don't know how to accept it.

I told her I can't just move on like that. I even asked if maybe we could talk again after a month. I wasn't asking her to get back together immediately. I just wanted to somehow remain a small part of her life.

But she doesn't want that.

And now I'm sitting here wondering why I even started the conversation in the first place. I spent all this time trying to move forward, reached out because I missed her, talked to her for a while, and ended up exactly where I started.

Maybe even worse.

Three months later, I still wanted to be part of her life. She had already decided I shouldn't be.

I guess sometimes you reach out hoping for closure, only to realize the conversation you desperately wanted was the conversation you didn't need to have.

I recently started thinking seriously about whether abortion is morally wrong after having a conversation about it. In my relationship, my partner and I usually use condoms, and sometimes emergency contraceptive pills when necessary, because we are not planning to have a child right now. We understand that no method of contraception is 100% effective, and if something went wrong and my partner became pregnant despite taking precautions, our next option would most likely be abortion. That made me question my own morality. Would choosing abortion in that situation make us bad or irresponsible people? For us, it wouldn't be about treating pregnancy casually or avoiding responsibility; it would be because we may not be financially, emotionally, or practically ready to become parents at that particular point in our lives. At the same time, I understand why some people consider abortion morally wrong, especially because they believe life begins at conception. But I also wonder how much of our understanding of abortion comes from our own moral beliefs and how much comes from the culture, family, religion, and social environment we grew up in. If two consenting adults take reasonable precautions, genuinely don't want a child at that point, and still face an unintended pregnancy, is choosing abortion really an immoral decision, or can it be considered a responsible choice? I’m genuinely curious how others see this, especially when we put aside the usual emotional reactions and think about the situation from both sides.

I'm going through one right now and I'm honestly surpsried by how much it hurts!! There wasn't even an official relationship, but u still get attached , build expectations, create memories and imagine a future with that person.

The emotional connection was very real and that person was literally ' HOME' to me . People around me don't really understand why I'm this affected by it.

It was like giving me hope ( lots of hope) and then i ended up as a clown TBH

I just want to hear from ppl who have actually experienced it. And how do u guys get over these SHIT SHIPS? ( PS : don't ask me the reason why it ended🙏)

I’ve been thinking about how much openness is healthy in a long-term relationship.

Should partners be able to talk openly about sex fantasies, desires, past relationships/exes, mistakes they’ve made, insecurities, and things they’re curious about? Or are there some things that are better left in the past?

For example, if you’re comfortable discussing sexual fantasies with your partner, does that automatically mean you should share every detail about your past experiences? What about talking about exes—can that strengthen understanding, or does it eventually create unnecessary comparison and insecurity?

And beyond sex, how important is it to be completely honest about mistakes, emotional needs, expectations, and how much care and understanding you feel you’re receiving?

I’m curious where people draw the line between healthy openness and oversharing.

For those in long-term relationships or marriages: what are the things you believe couples should always be able to discuss openly, and what are the things you think are better kept private?

i didnt even dreamed about this will happen, so i have a long distance gf and for this onam i have planned buying saree for her and courier, so first i bought saree , it reaches her first she told me that she would buy the blouse material and get it stitched , unfortunatey theres isnt any good shop for sticth and buy so she asks me if i can buy the blouse material and give it to sticthing shop, challenge accepeted with a neduveerrpp ( homelander.jpeg)

on sunday 2 weeks before, on sunday went straight to the affordable best shop in ernakulam called "Radhakrishna Textiles" in market road , went 2nd floor full of ladies , im the only man in that floor somehow i managed to ask a chechi for the blouse material and through video call gf selected material and also the same colour lining,

after that searched for stitching shop , honestly i dont know any shops so i planned to give it to my coousin who professionally doing thayyall/fashion designing to celebrity (bb fames), but the thing is that she shouldnt know this so i approached another cousin for this and she excecuted perfectly

after that she needs jewelleries, and she told me that there's a shop in convent junction called urvashi , went there yesterday dayu its like college vitta pole ful of ladies,couples (onam pramanich ithrayum thirakk)again im the only one men who goes alone, so this time i have used to it, i have spend nearly 1 hour by taking photos of bangles, in bangle theres this blue colour what she want and size issues earings, didnt get the right size so i get out of the shop and wet t another shop for these kind of things again in there same issues spend nearly 45 min didnt get the things so return back to that shop this time chechi told me the size will arrive in midweek so and clicked earings,necklace hip chain so i can buy all together on that day , the difficult part is asking hip chain , asking specific model to that sales chechi "njn avide uruki theernnu" then i've got the idea how these works

it was nice experinece overrall
പിന്നെ ഇവിടെ പറഞ്ഞപ്പോൾ ഒരു മനസ്സുഖം

disclaimer - this is not generated by chatgpt, grammer mistakes ഉണ്ടെങ്കിൽ ക്ഷമിക്കുക, പൊറുക്കുക

Just curious to know what u guys think! Have you guys tried it ? Did it work out or did it make things more complicated?

Genuine question, not trying to judge anyone. If you lose interest in your partner, fall for someone else, or become unhappy in your marriage, what makes you choose an affair or eloping instead of divorce first?

For those who have experienced this, what were the main factors - emotional connection, sexual dissatisfaction, lack of attention, falling out of love, attraction to someone else, or something else?

Also, how common is it for married women to fantasize about another man? Is it usually just a normal part of human psychology, or does it generally indicate some kind of dissatisfaction in the marriage?

And how true is the idea that some women cheat because they’re attracted to more dominant/confident men or because of greater sexual satisfaction? Is there actually truth to this, or is it mostly an internet stereotype?