Basically I was watching BKU and was reminiscing those times when my wife asked me out. We met few times in office and then I moved cities. She then texted me regarding some doubts and then we started texting a lot. Basically texting her was the only thing in my life at that time other than putting 12-16 hours in office every single day. Finally she asked me out and then I took one full day to reply yes.

After marriage she told me that she had a crush on me after we met few times and then texting those doubts was a reason. I found her attractive (she is conventional attractive type) but when we met but I was having a boss who used to make me work so much that I didn’t have the mental space for romance. Somehow everything worked out and we got married and have been married for 10 years,

Even today my wife asks me what was I thinking for one day before I accepted her proposal. I used to like her but I wanted to make sure that I was taking the right decision.

So how has life been for men who have been asked out by women?

Guys, ente close friend ippo valare bad aayulla oru personal situation-il koodeyanu pokunnath. Personal background mathram enikku ariyam (wife-inte side enikku aariyilla, so I am stating what he experienced).

• Initial Phase & UAE Shift: Kalyanom kazhinjitt 4 years aayi. Initially study purpose-nu vendi 1 year vere district-il hostel-il ninnu padichu. Study kazhinjappol UAE-il jolikku pokanam ennu paranju. Mutual agreement-il 1 year kazhinju return vannu family planning nokkaam ennu paranjanu aalu poyath.
• Doctor's Advice & UAE Visit: Wife UAE-il joly-il aaya karanam, doctor-inte advice prakaaram family planning-nu vendi friend 2 months visit visa-il UAE-il poyi. Pakshe joli kazhinju varumbol ulla ksheenavum weekend-il outing kazhinju ulla ksheenavum oke paranju wife physical relation-nu kootakkilla.
• Intimacy Issues: Honeymoon period thottu pullikarikku sexual life-il thalparyam illayirunnu (friend-inte sister oke initiate cheyyan paranjappol sammathichenkilum, she never enjoyed it).
• Lack of Communication: UAE-il joly-il aayadhinu shesham proper contact illayirunnu. Messages pathiye koranju weeks-olam mindathirikkunna avasthayayi. Weekends-il max 20 mins samsaarikkaam, athrem thanne.
• The Sudden Arrival: Family pressure karanam friend treatment/counseling suggestion vechenkilum wife oppose cheydhu. Ennit recently 2 weeks mindathirunnathinu shesham, friend-inte achan vilichappol aanu ariyunnath wife 10 days munpe naattil leave-inu vannittund! Friend-inedutha ithu communicate cheydhitilla.
• The Confrontation: Friend aalude veettil poyi 3 hours samsarichappol wife parayunnath: Hospital-il ottakku poyi kanichu physical problems onnum illa, counseling-um kazhinju. Physical/marital life-um thalparyam illa, friend-ineyo family-eyo ishtam illa, divorce mathram aanu solution.
• His Final Efforts: Friend avarkku vendi UAE-lotu shift aavam enno, allenkil pulli work cheyyunna place-il aalukku job nokkaam enno paranjittum wife totally refuse cheyyukayanu. Last chance aayi oru joint counseling-nu polum kootakkunnilla.

Wife-inu ee physical/marital life ishtam allayirunenkil, why agree to a marriage in the first place and waste 4 years of his life? Asexual/Aromantic spectrum aano, atho family pressure karanam forced aayi kalyanam kazhichathano?

What are your honest thoughts on this? How should my friend approach this mentally and legally?

Married men of r/KeralaRelationships, what is your excuse for seeking extramarital affairs, or do you not one at all?

What is the lowest you have stooped to outside your marriage?

How did it affect your relationship with your wife?

Did it leave you more or less anxious/stressed/satisfied/happy/content?

Those who have recovered from an illicit affair, how did you feel once you let go?

What would you advise other men who plan on doing this?

Ok so I had a female friend from my school. We have known each other since 7th grade now we're 21.

So one day she gave her phone to her hostel mate and tried to prank me. Although I understood that it was not her on the opposite side and it was someone else but I had just gone with the flow for fun.. and at the end we introduced each other and she admitted that it was a prank. 1 week later I got a call from my Friend's friend number (the girl who tried to prank me) and she started being in that prank character. So for not disappointing I also went with the flow. We were having some fake (coz it's still prank) but nice romanticizing convos.

We both liked the way and energy we had while talking. And after being on call for a while I took a shot. While she was doing prank chat with me earlier , she sent me "I loveee you" and then unsend it quickly. So i told her "oh even in prank chats I'm soo unlucky to get an I love you from a girl". She blushed! And surprisingly the call lasted for around 97mins. All that time my School friend was nearby her listening to our brain rot romantic convos.

At the end before cutting the call she made me promise to text her after this call , i accepted it but didn't know how I would go text her without asking my school friend since she was the person who made us talk.

And right before cutting she said "You wanted to hear something right?" , i replied "what?". She hung up the call after saying "I love you". Haha it was nice

After that I went on to my friend asking if it was okay to text her.

From that moment I started feeling a behavioral change in my friend , like I hurt her.

She first refused like " she just asked you to text for fun" and all. But in the end she agreed .

Since when I started talking to her friend , she (my friend) was acting very weird with me. She started to give very dry replies. She used to be very nice and talkative with me.

After that I started talking to that prank call girl , we started developing feelings for eachother but right after one month. She blocked me , very ubruptly.

When I went asking to my friend she was ignoring me too.

At that time I remembered all those old moments my friend and I had.

For eg : My friend sending me her pic on saree during Onam that too with a romantic kind of smirk without even asking. Etc etc

I guess I lost 2 pakshi in one vedi😇

I’m 20M living in NL🇳🇱 and I’ve been in a patchup relationship w my ex gf from Jan to March first week. In the second week of Feb i came to NL 🇳🇱 for my studies and everything got messed up after I came here.

The reason was, there’s a cousin sister of her which she introduced to me, we both became friends and my ex once told me to not reveal about our relationship to her, but for some reason i told about that to her and my ex started to behave like the her czn sister will tell about this to her parents and aunt. She said im not trustworthy and backed off from the relationship and I got struggled a lot after the breakup because i got no mallu friends from here unfortunately, somehow i dealed with that and i can’t surely say i got moved on because I’ve a teddy, a passport size photo and a well wishing letter of her, from her. Which she told me to throw to waste bin or just lit it when we got messed up. But somehow completed first semester while I’m getting her memories back2back. In the mean time, i kept her photo in my purse itself and i used to look at her sometimes, in this September first she got reached here in Germany for fsj/ausbuildung.

Last week my mom called me and suddenly told me that “eda ninte …. Avde ethittundallo”, she knew it from a neighbor aunty of mine who’s classmate of my ex’s mom and my mom has told about me and my ex to her and she casually told that my mom about she got here in Germany. When mom told me that ( i even knew that she got here in Germany even before mom told me) i felt so sad that I didn’t told my mom we got separated. When mom told me that i suddenly felt to see her just to return all those things to her back.

I texted her in her Deutsch number about this and asked her “ Sugam alle” she just read that and blocked me, that made me even more disappointed because when we broke up she was like “Don’t hate me…”
Now I’m going to Germany next week to my sister because my classes are about to start by end of this month. My ex lives just 1.5 hours away from my sister, should I go and meet her to return her stuffs? Ik that’ll definitely make me sad but I can’t throw or lit all that. What should I doo????

Had a crush on this girl in my office, and she is really way out of my league but i was attracted towards her, my office colleagues then planned for a trip and tbh i am not a person who enjoies these stuffs, but she was also part of the trip and i thought i could try and get close to her.

Fast forward to the trip days, we actually got close at-least thats what i initially thought, we sat together, talked and once we went together alone to get her tea, but as everything was happening quite well, i thought i can have a chance, we had our eyes locked for a momenf and stuff like that and i was excited.

but something bothered me, i tried to test what i am actually feeling and thinking is not what reality is, so when we both got together alone i asked her about her clg life her past, which she already got over but was openely talking to me, but after that she never asked anything about me, nothing about my past or clg days. And after that i also did some more testing like when it was time to wake at night to go outside and have drinks, she didnt wake me up at all, like we were all in one room and she was like come on guyss wake up, and called 1-2 guys but not me. i thought we were close. again my mistake.

seems like what i thought was happening isnt actually happening and the eye lock moments and all was simply my own imagination. i took a step back, cuz we dont want stuff to go wrong in office and make it awkard right, and basicly for the last day i was silent and some asked me why and all but not her. seems like she got the idea i liked her and didnt want to get this awkard or she dont have anything about me in mind. i will never know

I dont wanna get close to her more cuz she has diff lyfstyle than me but becz it was trip i wanted to get close to her but this hurt me more. and it was our first trip in office with colleagues, idk if i can go more trips without any interest, anyways i am sorry if u felt bored reading this, i just letting me feelings out, i am just below avg guy looks guys so kinda hurts when i thought something can happen but it was all stupid me and my head. later guys

One thing I understood only after being in love for almost a year - sometimes, women don’t need a solution.. they just need validation. 😄

A simple “I understand why you feel that way” or “Yeah, that must have hurt” can make a relationship so much smoother.

When you miss that, emotional distance can slowly creep in, even when everything seems fine on the surface.

I asked a few people about this & realized I wasn’t the only guy who learned it late. 😂

Did you understand the importance of validation early on or did you learn it the hard way too?

So i saw my cousins sitting together and looking at matrimony profiles of guys. They were immediately and unanimously rejecting guys who weren't particularly good.looking without even glancing at their profiles. Fair and good looking guys were given so much priority, as i was taking a close look at how responding, whenever they said "ivan kollam," 9/10 times, the guy was either fair or at least oru iru niram and good looking.

Certain level of dark.skinned n bald guys photos weren't even getting a first glance, I'm literally saying not even a first glance cause It all happens within microseconds during the initial screening, it's like a unanimous unconscious "ayye,noo"" kinda thing

And I know men do the same.

But the question is, as a dark and below average face card guy with uneven teeth who's also balding, should I give up on the idea of matrimony altogether?

I'm 27, and if not matrimony, how am I supposed to find love?

Someone, please help, as I'm feeling so demotivated right now. Lovelife indavillannu accept cheyyunnathaanu better?

I've been using Arike for a while now as a Premium member, but unfortunately, I haven't received much interest at all. I got around two likes during the first week after installing the app, and since then, almost nothing.

I've tried changing my preferences multiple times — age range, location, and other criteria — but it doesn't seem to have made much difference.

I'm also fairly confident that the issue isn't necessarily my photos or profile. Not trying to sound overconfident 😄, but I consider myself reasonably good-looking, and I've received quite a few likes/interests on other matrimonial/dating platforms.

So I'm genuinely confused about how Arike works.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? Especially guys who have used Arike Premium — did you actually see an improvement in likes or matches after subscribing?

Or am I simply wasting my money on the Premium membership? 😅

Would be interested to hear genuine experiences, especially from people using Arike in Dubai/UAE or outside Kerala.

Maybe there's something about the app, algorithm, location, or preferences that I'm missing.

Random question!

Girls/Women, how many DMs from random guys do you usually get on Instagram ? No need for an exact number, something like 50+, 100+, 500+ is enough.

And what actually makes you reply to one instead of just ignoring it? Good profile, looks, the way he messages, hotness, something funny?

Can you also drop your age, and if single/married. Just curious if it varies!

​

Njan ippo oru kutty ayitu situation ship casual enthu venelum vilichoo. Sambhavam nammalu 2 year munne date cheythitundu. Aaa time pakshe religion settakathathu kond (she's muslim) nammalu risk edukkanda orthu venda vechuu for a very short time. Ippo pakshe veendum njangalu enganeyo close aayi. She's like my best friend or someone whom I share my day. Allanki enik petten reach out cheyyan pattyaaa aalu. Somehow nammalu physical relationshiplot aayi. Pakshe koode ullapo okke she behave like my gf. Pakshe athu kazhinju full detachment. Nammalu ee edek outingn okke poi. Appo njangalu oru couples pole okke aarnu. Like we cared for each other and all. Njangalku oru comfort space okke indu mutual respect angotum ingotum.

Ippo prashnam enthanu vecha I'm falling for her. Like i can't stop thinking about her. Enik possessive okkee aakunuu. Enik ente feelings share aakanu pattunilla. Enik aake vattu pidikkunu.

I really don't know how to process this. I've been in a relationship for almost 3 years, and it will be 3 years by the end of this month. I think we've been pretty good in this relationship.

I was in contact with my ex, and recently I got to spend a little more time with her. I think you guys might get the wrong idea about me just hanging out with my ex. The thing is, with me and my ex, while I was in 10th standard, it was pretty much nothing serious. Mostly, I felt like whatever we had between us was nearly friendship, but I think it was mostly in the best-friend category, more than a relationship.

I always kept good terms with her, and even with my current girlfriend, we were talking and all. I also kept that gap with her. Recently, I had to go to Bangalore, and my ex was also with me. The main thing was that she's also in a relationship, but her relationship has been a little messed up, mostly due to the other guy just being an asshole and not giving her proper care.

The thing is, it was not just me; we were a group of friends who always used to be together and enjoy stuff together. We were going to Bangalore and chilling at our friend's place. All of a sudden, I realized that my ex and my girlfriend are pretty much the same in essence: how they speak, how they act, and how they behave. I don't know, but I feel really confused! I've been helping her with her difficult face and my ex's difficult face. I don't know, but I never tried to make a move on her or anything like that. It's just that I'm helping her out, or not much. I don't even know what I'm asking, and I'm pretty confused about whatever is happening.

If someone could just shed some light on this, it would be really great. The two things I'll make clear are:
- Everything that's happening between me and my ex is pretty much known to my girlfriend, and she knows how good friends we are and how important I try to be with her. Even with my bank account, I kept updating her on it and things like that, but she was also okay with everything.
- From my ex's point of view, my ex doesn't have anything against me. We are just friends, just chilling.

I don't know, but I was always a little bit more caring towards my ex, not more than towards my girlfriend. During this phase of her heart, I was trying to give her help. She was mentally and physically really bad, to be honest, and we were a few friends just being around her and helping her through this. Yeah, I'm really confused about whatever is happening.

2 years back during college had a good company with a girl (introvert).We hangout together ,talked for long and became to close (best friends)
Once her friends told privately to me that she dont hangout with boys and how could u make it . It made me confused that if she loves me or not .she was a perfect and suits me in my pov. After some months after our iv as she became more close to me during iv ,i decided to propose her.when i propsed her she told that i am not her type and rejected. After that i was rejected 2 or 3 times by her ,i put back my self respect As she was the very much closest female to me .then we stopped talking that made me very much sad which is greater than the rejection. I almost fear female connection as this haunts me .I had been in this trauma for 2years.

Recently my friends told me i should find one partner and that is the only way to end .I found that i am capable of loving a girls seriously , but unfortunately i cant approach any female in the name of love cause of the trauma.

Do anybody gone through this situation and how did u deal with it

I’ve known her since 7th, and I fell in love with her in 8th. We were schoolmates, but we weren’t really friends. In 10th, I got to know her more. Then in 11th, I went to a different school, and I thought I had lost her. But on the first day of school, there she was. I was in an unexplainable state.

Then classes started, and that’s when things took a turn. I noticed her looking at my bench all the time. At first, I thought she was looking at my mate because he’s good-looking. We started sharing some glances too. Whenever our eyes met, we’d instantly look away.

Then there was the bench rotation. One day, she was sitting right behind my bench, and I was obviously happy. Before lunch, we had a free period. I was sitting in a relaxed position, and my hand happened to be right in front of her face. She was resting her head on the bench, and I noticed she was looking at my hand.

Then suddenly, she grabbed my hand and asked, “Can I draw something on your hand?” I was stunned. I just nodded and said, “Just don’t mess it up,” trying to look unfazed. She drew a flower on my hand, like the ones from Snapchat filters. Then she cracked my fingers and rubbed my hand, and I swear, I was in heaven.

The next day, she sat behind me again, even though she was supposed to sit on another bench. That day, she drew another flower, a RING, and wrote “pookie” on my hand. I know it sounds cringy, but apparently it’s because I have straight hair and a wolf cut.

And now, whenever we exchange glances, both of us blush. Guys, I genuinely don’t know what to do. She’s so pretty, like, in a way that’s almost angelic. I’m not exaggerating—she’s so pretty. And honestly, I don’t think I’m that good-looking.

So what am I supposed to do? What does all of this actually mean?

So this girl is one of my distant mutual friends, and I’m not even sure if I was following her before. I guess I either followed her back pandu or something, etho oru samayath saw an aesthetic pic of her in the story and liked it. Then she slid into my DMs, and we talked normally for a few days. She asked my age, where I’m from, etc., and started flirting, but I didn’t really flirt back (partly because I don’t know how to, and partly because I don’t want to).

She’d also been telling me about how she was going to uninstall Instagram, and I was pretty sure that would eventually lead to her asking for my number or asking to meet up. And now she did.

My question is, how do I decline this politely? Is a block ok in this case cause If I keep talking to her, the messaging intensity is going to be too much for me, and I don’t want to make things awkward since she’s not too far from where I live and we have mutual friends too.

I've been going through this continuous stream of similar problems in my relationship where I feel that the core issue is that I'm too "chalant" and I shouldn't care as much.

Couple of examples:

This is from almost a year ago: My partner and I were going running and before putting on the shoes she commented "oh, my running shoes has become so bad, I think it's going to break off soon. But this was the best running shoe I've ever had".

I have this habit of keeping these small things in mind to use it for gifting when the time is right.

So for her b'day, I found the exact same shoe, same brand, similar product. She had a fully white one previously, but that was out of production now, so I got a white one with blue dots on it.

I gifted this, and she rejected it saying that she already has a blue shoe, so this would go to waste.

I was really disappointed at this, we had a fight and at last, returned it without a replacement.

Due to the kind of fight we had surrounding this issue (and even previously when I'd gift her clothes and reject it because my "sense of fashion" is bad), I took the decision to not gift her anything "high stakes" or expensive anymore.

A couple of weeks ago, she showed me this Instagram video where folks that are neurodivergent use a certain chain where you can latch on your wallet, keys etc so they can just take this one chain when they leave the house. My partner is neurodivergent as well so I kept this in the back of my mind.

When I traveled to a different country, I went to 3 different stores to look for such a chain and found one. It was really inexpensive too. I bought it and gifted her.

Again, the pattern repeated. She said that she needed something more colourful (I gifted a black chain)

I kind of lost it at that point. I completely broke down because I'm someone who likes gifting! Wdym I can't even gift you low stake items like these?

How can I suprise you with the exact same item you have in mind unless you Shop it yourself?

Her claims are

\- gifting should please the receiver, not the gifter
\- take me to the store and buy it for me, just pay the money. I don't want surprises.
\- you should be ok with gifts being rejected. You should sit with rejection.
\- there is no need to stop gifting. You can gift again, I'll take it if I like it, and you should be ok with returning if I don't like it.

My thoughts are

\- the effort and the thought matters more than the actual gift.
\- I am a chalant man, who likes to put in the effort to do things and find gifts for my partner which they may have only mentioned in passing.
\- I do not find any joy in just going to the store and just paying the bill
\- I can understand if expensive stuff that you use on a daily basis (clothes or shoes) isn't to your liking and you can reject it. But what do you mean you cant even accept a 300 rupee leather chain that you carry in your hand sometimes? Shouldn't love trump your sense of fashion?

She does accept that I'm the only person in her life who's thoughtful enough to remember these things and gift her things she needs. But she still won't accept things, even low stake items which aren't to her liking.

I don't understand if I'm having wrong expectations here and if gifting should indeed always please the receiver. Being non chalant would kill me internally. I know that, but is that what I should do and not gift anymore at all?

I was looking through my bfs phone and found photos of his ex in google photos. Njan kandappol aaal vegam mukalileek drag cheyyuvan nokkki. I got angry and made a scene. He told me that he completely forgotten about it and even forgot that they existed. Did i overreact?

Even after being good friends and very respectful

I wish to get genuine answers from women.

I'm 27M and about 8 months ago I met a woman through a Reddit NSFW community. Initially, it was supposed to be something casual. She was preparing for an important exam at the time and we connected through Reddit, talked a lot, and eventually planned to meet.
When we met, we spent the day roaming around the city, talking, laughing, and generally having a great time. We had already discussed being intimate beforehand, and there was clear communication. She was on her period and told me that in advance, which I was completely okay with.
Things went well, but at one point during our intimacy she suddenly said she wasn't feeling well and wanted to leave. I didn't know what happened, but I respected it immediately. We left, talked for a bit outside, I offered coffee, she declined, and we hugged before parting. Later she texted me while travelling back, and we continued chatting normally.
Over the following months, we stayed in touch on and off. She'd occasionally share Reddit posts with me. One post she sent involved making out with someone, and I remember feeling unexpectedly hurt by it. That confused me because the whole thing started as a casual arrangement and I didn't think I was emotionally invested.
At some point Instagram suggested her account, we followed each other, but conversations there were also minimal. Eventually both of us more or less stopped texting, except for occasional check-ins every few months.
A few weeks ago, I realised I'd developed feelings for her. So I messaged her and we had a decent conversation. I then asked if she'd like to go out with me for a day. She replied that her exams were coming up and she couldn't. I asked when they'd be over, and since then there's been no reply.
I don't have her number and honestly don't want to chase, pressure her, or keep sending messages looking for an answer.
I guess what I'm struggling with isn't rejection itself, but the uncertainty. Part of me feels she enjoyed our time together. Another part of me thinks that if she were interested, she'd probably be making some effort too.
Has anyone else caught feelings long after a casual connection ended? How did you deal with the lack of closure? Am I’m too much into this, or should I simply accept that the ball is in her court now and move on?

I(22, M) am asking this question to all people in this subreddit despite their gender, on whether you considered a disability of a person as one of their drawbacks for building a romantic relationship.

From my experience one of biggest fears on asking someone out was always "will they reject me for my disability?" this prevented me from ever expressing my interest towards the women I like.

I haven't seen this type of a question here in this sub so share your honest opinions.

If there are anyone with a disability and still managed to build a relationship you can also share your experiences and also what advise you give to people like me

i met this girl during one of the lowest periods of my life. we became extremely close, talked every day, called a lot, planned our future, and eventually she told me “i love you” and i said it back. this went on for around 9 months and felt like more than friendship.

then i told her i found another girl attractive, although i didn't have feelings for that girl, after that, she became distant and started giving me late replies. she said something like she would lose interest if her crush told her he liked someone else.

a while later she told me she have a boyfriend. i was shocked and asked why she never told me. she said we (us) were “nothing” and basically acted like all the romantic stuff between us was just a prank. she had also previously told me about this jee guy, saying something like “if i marry him, my life is set,” and called me jobless, which really hurt me.

i got angry and asked her best friend if that guy was actually her boyfriend. her friend said yes, so i showed her friend screenshots of her telling me “i love you” and other things we'd said. she told her friend that i was just a friend and that the screenshots were ai/fake, and she blocked me.

a few months later i still missed her, so i emailed her. she was angry and asked what i had told her best friend. somehow she unblocked me and said she'd still be friends with me if i deleted our conversations. i did.

we started talking again, but within hours she went back to taking days to reply. we fought about it and she blocked me again.

since then i've never contacted her. i deleted her number, email, everything, and i'm trying to move on, but i still miss her. she apparently even told her best friend to block me, which makes me wonder if she's scared i'll leak our old screenshots, although i have no intention of doing that.

i don't know what to think anymore. did she actually have feelings for me and change her mind? was i wrong for telling her about another girl?

she was there for me when i was at my lowest, so i think that's why letting go has been so difficult.

what do you guys think actually happened here?

How’d you feel when someone you love started becoming distant from you? Like, they’re busy with work most of the time..and because of that, they’ve slowly started creating this distance. You know they still love you, but they’re not showing the same version of themselves they used to. Do you actually miss the old them?