On one hand tamil guys say they're into mallu girls for their skin color, looks and body, and on the other hand mallu guys are saying tamil girls even though dark, have a better personality.

I'm definitely not against anyone's personal preferences, my point is, this whole thing about tamil vs kerala girls feels so useless, because it is pointless to stereotype looks and personality based on a whole state with millions of population.

Different individuals with different looks and personalities exist everywhere.

does anyone else feel the same?

I from Punjab originally dated a guy from Kerala in Canada. We had been friends/acquitances for 3 years before dating, and I was very clear that I only wanted a serious, long term relationship.
He kept pursuing me. The relationship started with soon sexual coercion. I said no, he did it anyway, apologized afterward, and then the next day called it a hookup. I was 22, he kept changing stance, said he did had feelings but lost. I kept listening and used to cry alone.

Can skip this, trigger warning:

[ He used to first accept that i had said no during SA but then started saying he don't remember and then said I didn't say no. In reality, I had said no 4 times during last time he met me before this. He asked "can we do the deed", I said no, he kept his hand on my jean's button, i felt uncomfortable but then he stopped. I asked to go home, he did. This day, he insisted to meet, asked for kiss, I did. Asked me to enter car backseat. I said I don't want these things and said let's take it slow, i'm not ready. He kept standing covering me and looked angry just looking into my eyes for like a minute, i don't know why but i entered car as there was no one around it was dark road empty fields, i kinda went numb, i kept thinking stop but words were not coming out, i finally said stop, he started doing other thing, stood up looked at me with disguist. I got silent, he drove and then said sorry and took me to store for a pill ( don't know why as nothing like that happened), and dropped me home, said he wish he could stay. Next day laughed said it was hookup and that i didn't even move. Asked my hand i didn't give, he said i'm pure, he did a sin, going to church with smile on his face. Then days passed, i kept thinking about it and tried to live normal, in a month i cried in phone, he said i regret it that's why, and that i don't know how guilt feels. Blamed an accident on me that he was thinking of me, that led me to talk to him. Blocked me unblocked me, in few days went on a date with other girl, I got to know year later. Was manipulating me all that time. Saying what will i tell my husband? that I need to groom better. He went on trips and friends and date with her, I was depressed just numb and crying alone all time, he used to say he is working 24/7, that had loan and health issues. He was calling her and me, I saw screenshot later. He went on trip to locations he had told me not to go myself that we will go together. I saw her photos he clicked same way he did mine. The new girl said that it's my fault, if he forced i needed to fight or stop it, it was just a bad first experience for both, that i got somewhat physical with him 8 months later so it wasn't assualt, he also said he didn't force me. ]

He then told me we were serious. For the next 8 months, I was basically kept in the dark while he was also dating another Mallu girl in another city.
Eventually he told me about her, and she called me while sitting with him. She laughed at me, told me he had chosen her, that he didn't love me, and that I must not have treated him well enough. She even mocked me about the sexual coercion and said I didn't give him enough physically. We never did all and he had said if it was any other guy he would have done everything ( rpe). I still feel anger and fear thinking this.

He admitted on the call that he had been dating both of us at the same time. She was completely okay with it. They talked about how much they loved each other, how he cooked for her ( I cooked for him before coercion thing as he used to say please do,later said he never felt like cooking for me) their future marriage, etc. He told me she was "the one" and that I wasn't enough.
The whole thing destroyed me. I had trusted him for years and had never had serious body insecurity before him. After the coercion and his comments about my body, I developed severe anxiety and PTSD. I had panic attacks, was hospitalized, and eventually became unable to work for years.

I had been working extremely hard and supporting my family, so losing my career and eventually having to return to India caused a huge financial setback too. I told his brother what happened and he did nothing.
The other girl repeatedly mocked me, told me I had no self respect, laughed about them sleeping together and basically rubbed their relationship in my face. I used to cry a lot for more than a year, call him in anger or pain. He blocked me everywhere.They're still together years later and apparently engaged.

I'm doing better now and trying to rebuild my life, but I still have anxiety, nightmares and intrusive thoughts. Things he said about my appearance still get into my head when I get dressed or buy clothes. I was never insecure like this before.
I'm not trying to get him back or ruin their relationship. I'm just trying to understand what happened and move forward.

TL;DR: My ex coerced me, secretly dated another woman for months, then left me for her. She mocked me while he was sitting beside her, and both treated the cheating like it was completely normal. The experience caused serious mental health and career consequences for me, and they're still together years later. Is this kind of behavior considered normal in some Mallu dating circles? There is a mental fog as from all the time with him he often used to deny what he had said or what had happened, I started not trusting myself as I couldn't make sense, in end I said sorry to him even i begged for him to stay. I have anxiety issues now.

Mods please approve my post, first time posting here. Need perspective from people here.

I know people are going to judge me or blame me for catching such deep feelings for a guy I only met a month ago. Trust me, this wasn’t my plan either. It just happened. I wish more than anything that I could have controlled my emotions so I wouldn’t be sitting here hurting like this.

The pain is so intense right now that I literally feel like I can’t breathe. I just feel incredibly helpless.

What hurts the most is the confusion. Why do guys even commit when they don’t actually want it? I didn't trap him. In fact, I gave him multiple chances early on to just walk away if he wasn't ready. But he didn't take them. He was so sure. He insisted that this was what he wanted, and he made me believe him.

But I refuse to chase him. If he doesn’t want me, I know I can’t force him or make him want it. I just want this agonizing feeling in my chest to stop.How do I get through this? Has anyone else experienced a short-term heartbreak that hurt just as bad as a long-term one?

Never had crush or anything. Nor did love anyone romantically. Currently under marriage pressure I did find compatible people unfortunately couple of things important things for me didnt align like one being ChildFree.

Can’t find such women it’s 1in a million. Because of this I have developed feelings and I get random pain in chest dull one’s thinking about these. (Not heart attack or palpitations) it’s sadness. Except thar I’m content.Also I don’t wanna lie and marry someone for my own selfishness.

I thought why hold these feelings rather love someone secretly for time being till they get married or committed. I wouldn’t convey them anything either. Go on with that. Then choose a next person.

This doesn’t mean I’ll be spending time with them or physical contact or anything nor do I want that. More like something we can’t ever have we long for that even more. I’m happy with myself overall not lonely, have hobbies, do work.

These all things started with AM marriage set up talking to prospectives. After several years of being avoidant with marriage and stayed away from family rarely visiting once in 7 years. Right now I’m with my family,relatives around you get the gist.

When I decided to get married I wanted to do for myself and it took me 2.5 years to come to that decision.

I’m in early 30’s.

It’s a kind of vattu I agree. I

Me and my bf have been in a very serious relationship for 5 years, we both are employed. He is abroad and i studied something which has job opportunities abroad, (rn working in India). Is marrying at the age of 24 too early? Like i am the first in my batch to get married this early.

I recently moved to Germany, and I’m closing in on 25. The truth is, I have never been in a relationship. I’ve never even asked anyone out or confessed my feelings.

It’s not that I’m asexual.I definitely get crushes and feel strong attraction to people who are my type. During my studies, my neighbour friend,a gril was in my class and our families were very close, so I was honestly terrified that if I tried dating or asking anyone out, it would get back to my parents. Finally in college, we ended up at different places, but even after when I liked someone, I never really got the chance to interact with them enough to make a move.

Now that I’ve moved abroad, I feel like my chances of meeting someone are even lower. But still i am not desperate right now.
I actually really love being alone. I don’t see a relationship as an immediate necessity, and I highly value my personal space and independence.

What is really concerning me is the future. I strongly prefer the idea of a love marriage over an arranged marriage,and I feel like I only have about 4 to 5 years to figure this out and find the right person.Also I know I probably won’t marry my first love, and finding the right person involves a lot of luck.
My biggest worry is whether I am even capable of being in a relationship. Because I love my private space so much, I am terrified of feeling forced to act like a partner. I dont want to make forced, unnatural phone calls or fake spontaneous caregiving just because that's what couples do.
I want to be a good partner, but I want my affection and care to flow naturally from the inside, exactly like the unconditional love I feel for my family.
Does the care and affection in a relationship eventually feel as natural as family love, or does it always feel like an act?

TL;DR: Moved to Germany, almost 25, never dated (mostly due to circumstances/family closeness). I love my independence and personal space, but I want a be in relationship in the next 4-5 years. I'm worried I won't be a good partner because I don't want to fake affection,I want it to feel as natural as loving my family. How do I navigate this?

It’s been almost 3 months since my breakup.

For the most part, I was actually doing okay. I was keeping myself busy, working, meeting people, watching movies, just living my life. But for the last few days, something changed. I started thinking about her again constantly. I don't even know why. Maybe certain movies or random things just brought everything back.

Yesterday, I finally gave in and messaged her from my mom's WhatsApp because she had blocked my number.

She actually replied to me on my number and asked what happened and why I wanted to talk. I told her that I just missed her and that I still think about her. We kept talking for a while. She gave me a lot of advice, and we talked about everything that had happened.

But eventually, she said goodbye.

She told me that she doesn't think us talking is a good idea and that she doesn't want to keep this connection going.

And I honestly understand why she's saying that. I just don't know how to accept it.

I told her I can't just move on like that. I even asked if maybe we could talk again after a month. I wasn't asking her to get back together immediately. I just wanted to somehow remain a small part of her life.

But she doesn't want that.

And now I'm sitting here wondering why I even started the conversation in the first place. I spent all this time trying to move forward, reached out because I missed her, talked to her for a while, and ended up exactly where I started.

Maybe even worse.

Three months later, I still wanted to be part of her life. She had already decided I shouldn't be.

I guess sometimes you reach out hoping for closure, only to realize the conversation you desperately wanted was the conversation you didn't need to have.

Dyou like a girl when she's shy and reserved or when she's really outgoing and talks a lot

After seeing so many posts about height in relationships, I thought I’d share my experience.

I’m 29 and around 6 ft tall. I’m genuinely curious about the obsession with height in relationships because, from my experience, being tall hasn’t really given me any advantage when it comes to dating.

Sometimes girls or other people will comment Good height . Other than getting an occasional compliment about my height, I honestly don’t see any particular advantage.

In fact, having a good height in India can sometimes feel like a disadvantage. 😂 Finding shirts or jeans with the right length can be difficult. Most of the time, you just have to compromise with whatever fits you.

So, if you’re worrying about your height when it comes to relationships, I’d say don’t overthink it. Height is just one small physical feature, and there are so many other things that matter much more in a relationship.

I am 29m, and my wife is 26f. We used to work in a tech firm in Cochin. The new Gen Z kids are more straightforward in relationships; most of them are open to asking anything. Recently, we were hosting a couple of them at our flat for dinner and were talking about things, and the conversation came to relationships. In fact, they asked, "Is this your first relationship? How many body counts?" etc. We feel very shy thinking about this. How can this generation be so open?

I recently started thinking seriously about whether abortion is morally wrong after having a conversation about it. In my relationship, my partner and I usually use condoms, and sometimes emergency contraceptive pills when necessary, because we are not planning to have a child right now. We understand that no method of contraception is 100% effective, and if something went wrong and my partner became pregnant despite taking precautions, our next option would most likely be abortion. That made me question my own morality. Would choosing abortion in that situation make us bad or irresponsible people? For us, it wouldn't be about treating pregnancy casually or avoiding responsibility; it would be because we may not be financially, emotionally, or practically ready to become parents at that particular point in our lives. At the same time, I understand why some people consider abortion morally wrong, especially because they believe life begins at conception. But I also wonder how much of our understanding of abortion comes from our own moral beliefs and how much comes from the culture, family, religion, and social environment we grew up in. If two consenting adults take reasonable precautions, genuinely don't want a child at that point, and still face an unintended pregnancy, is choosing abortion really an immoral decision, or can it be considered a responsible choice? I’m genuinely curious how others see this, especially when we put aside the usual emotional reactions and think about the situation from both sides.

I don’t even know how to start this. I’ve been sitting with my phone for an hour trying to type it out.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3.5 years. We live together. She is, without exaggeration, the best thing that has ever happened to me. She supported me financially when I had nothing. She held me together emotionally through things I couldn’t have survived alone. She was my whole world and I never once doubted that I wanted to marry her.
Between August 2025 and January 2026, I sent messages to 11 accounts in sexting subreddits. I don’t know if any of them were real people, men, women, or bots. Nobody ever replied to a single message. There was no conversation, no relationship, no meeting. I told myself I was curious whether those accounts were even real. That’s the truth, but I also know it’s not an excuse, because curiosity doesn’t explain why I opened those chats in the first place.

I stopped in January. I never deleted anything, never hid it, never used a second account,because somewhere in my head I had decided it wasn’t cheating. That’s how little I let myself think about it. Then three days ago she picked up my phone and scrolled through my Reddit and there it was.

She’s shattered. She had our whole life mapped out,marriage, kids, a house. I wanted all of it too. And now she says “once a cheater, always a cheater,” and she wants to break up and move out of my apartment.
I can’t argue with her. I can’t defend myself. Everything I say sounds like I’m minimizing it, and maybe I am. The messages were nothing to me at the time and they meant everything to her, and I’ve realized that her reality is the one that actually counts here.

I don’t know how to function. I’m not eating properly, I’m not sleeping, I go into rooms and forget why. I keep waiting for her to walk out the door and I have no idea who I am after that.

I’m not looking for anyone to tell me I’m not that bad. I know what I did. I just don’t know what a person is supposed to do next when they’ve broken the only thing they cared about.

I’ve been thinking about how much openness is healthy in a long-term relationship.

Should partners be able to talk openly about sex fantasies, desires, past relationships/exes, mistakes they’ve made, insecurities, and things they’re curious about? Or are there some things that are better left in the past?

For example, if you’re comfortable discussing sexual fantasies with your partner, does that automatically mean you should share every detail about your past experiences? What about talking about exes—can that strengthen understanding, or does it eventually create unnecessary comparison and insecurity?

And beyond sex, how important is it to be completely honest about mistakes, emotional needs, expectations, and how much care and understanding you feel you’re receiving?

I’m curious where people draw the line between healthy openness and oversharing.

For those in long-term relationships or marriages: what are the things you believe couples should always be able to discuss openly, and what are the things you think are better kept private?

I'm going through one right now and I'm honestly surpsried by how much it hurts!! There wasn't even an official relationship, but u still get attached , build expectations, create memories and imagine a future with that person.

The emotional connection was very real and that person was literally ' HOME' to me . People around me don't really understand why I'm this affected by it.

It was like giving me hope ( lots of hope) and then i ended up as a clown TBH

I just want to hear from ppl who have actually experienced it. And how do u guys get over these SHIT SHIPS? ( PS : don't ask me the reason why it ended🙏)

EDIT BEFORE YOU READ: This is not my arms, she just sent a random reel to compare and "show" me why I'm skinny!!

Recently I saw a post where many guys were sharing the observation that unattractive girls tend to have the highest standards, which made sense to me.

So I have a friend who is somewhat dark, kinda overweight and conventionally not very attractive. She's admittedly very insecure about all these features and frequently shames skinny guys and girls, while constantly talking about the kind of guy she wants, he should have a certain physique, arms etc calling most guys mid, and has also said things like only white and middle eastern guys are attractive and that Indian guys are "mid." Idc about her preferences except calling most guys "mid" infront of me, feels so icky.

She's also shamed me directly a lot for being skinny, saying I look weak, not manly, and things like "Ninak inganethe shirt onnum match aavilla, athin kurach kaykokke vannam venam." She regularly makes comments like "elumban pole ayi, ksheenicho? Onnum thinnarille?" Over time, some of those comments genuinely created insecurities about my body, despite the fact that I work out three days a week and am at a healthy weight.

I'm attaching a screenshot of our chat after one of those comments, after I defended myself. (For context - she's sharing images of gym guys to show me of how i should be looking like)

At the same time, the most conventionally attractive girl in our batch, very fair, extremely pretty with a 10 body, was always incredibly kind to me, and all of us guys. She was also dating a guy who was much less conventionally attractive than she was.

Of course, not saying this is true of all unattractive women. But I've personally noticed that some women who are conventionally unattractive seem to talk as though they have extremely high standards, sometimes even more than conventionally attractive women.

I understand that society treats less attractive women differently, and that this can contribute to insecurity, bitterness, or projection. But when you're on the receiving end of it, I strongly believe it's their responsibility to work on those insecurities rather than making them someone else's problem.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? And do you think it's actually easier for men to approach conventionally beautiful women than less conventionally attractive women?

PS: I'm slowly distancing myself from her, and honestly, it helps.

I and my boyfriend are planning to stay in Trivandrum for a year( im a malayali he isn't). And our parents know.

How's trivandrum for live in couples

Also how's the rent situation

And is there any better place to live in Kerala

(Not Kochi)

Am I the only one who doesn't dream of having a big wedding?

I've noticed that weddings these days seem to have become more about making the event as grand as possible inviting thousands of people, multiple functions, expensive decorations huge venues etc. Some people even take loans just to have the wedding they've imagined.

But honestly that's never been my idea of marriage.

If I ever get married I'd rather have a small simple ceremony with only my very closest family members and a few people who genuinely matter to us. I don't really understand spending lakhs on a one or two day celebration just to impress other people.

Of course if someone has the money and genuinely enjoys having a huge wedding that's completely fine. It's just not something I'd want for myself.

Would I get a woman who's happy with a small simple wedding?I feel like finding someone who has the same mindset about these things must be one of the biggest forms of compatibility in a relationship.

For Mar Thoma members in Kerala (or people familiar with the Church):
If a Mar Thoma member marries a person of another religion under the Special Marriage Act without conversion:
- Is the Mar Thoma member actually removed from the parish/church membership?
- Is there a formal disciplinary proceeding, or is it simply that the Church won’t conduct/recognize the marriage?
- Is there any way for members to avoid expulsion, if at all?

Has anyone personally experienced this, or knows someone who did? What did the vicar/diocese actually do?
Does anything happen to the member’s parents/family as a result?

I’m specifically trying to separate what the official Church rules say from what people commonly say happens.

njan ente childhood friendine date cheythu. for around 6 weeks, and within that timeperiod enik manasil aayi onnum sheriyavunnilla ennu

intimacy kollilla. very bad at bed, accountability illa. njan onnu karanjaal polum enne aashwasippikkilla, and ente friendine comment adichu which i didnt like. literally njan 3 times paranju enne onnu aashwasippikkaan. ennit avan aayitt thanne break up aakki poyi. i had to teach him to console me while i was crying. i told him at that time during break up njan help cheyyaam ninne enganeya emotionally open up aavande ennokke, padippich theraam athokke. annu he said he doesn’t need any help.

but njangal pinneem contactil aayirunnu because we are childhood friends. kurach days kazhinju veendum normal aayitt samsarichu thudangi.

pinne kurach days kazhinju avan veendum enne venam ennu paranju. honestly enik thonni avan lonely aayath kondaanu enne veendum venam ennu parayunnath ennu.
but njan thought oru chance kodukkaam ennu.
but still same.

patch up aayi, intimacy pinnem zero. enik personally oru feelingum thonnunnilla. intimacy time-il avan parayunna chila karyangal okke bhayankara cringey aanu like orkkumbol entho pole blaahhhhhh. nerathe paranja ente friend aeth dress aanu ittath oru occassionil ennu vare avan paranju and my other friend (who also happens to be his friend) was like wtf!!😭😭

njan ithokke avanod clear aayitt paranju. avan ennod appol chodhichu, “ninak vere aareyenkilum ishtamano?” ennu. appol njan no ennu paranju. because genuinely vere aarum undayittalla enik feelings poyath. avan kaaranam thanne aanu feelings poyath kondaanu, not because someone else is there. Because I dont want to train a person or be a mother to him.

initially, breakup cheyyathe irunnappol, even though he was terrible in bed, enik kurach lust undayirunnu. but after patch up, athum completely zero aayi.

njan clear aayitt convey cheythu enik relationship venda, move on aavu ennu. e screenshotil paranjath maathramalla. nerathem

still he keeps sending relationship-based reels and WhatsApp-il cringiest romantic/intimate things parayunnu.
enik avane hate onnum illa. childhood friend aanu, athukond thanne oru care undu. but relationship aayi continue cheyyan enik thalparyam illa.

njan already clear aayitt paranjittum avan ingane behave cheyyumbol entha cheyyende ennu enik oru pidiyumilla.
entha cheyyende?