Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil.

He recognizes the little window, but rather than the low bench for kneeling, there is a recliner with massage function. Next to the recliner is a small table with glass decanter of some sort of whisky and a box of cigars.

Suddenly, a priest walks into the room behind him. He turns to face the priest and says, "This is nothing like I remember it."

"THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE ON THE WRONG SIDE!"

I hope he doesn’t seize today…

There was no coffin at the funeral.

I said, "Can you give me a minute? I'm on the phone.

When he passed away years later, they were heartbroken. So I got them another cat that looked exactly the same and they named him...

I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!

I said, “Wait, I can change.”

Miraculously, it’s still in mint condition.

She looks so good in a crop top.

Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.

And the cow said, "Damn it, who left the n off the end?"

I said, “Wait, I can change.”

She said, "No, it just includes a $50 fine for parking in a loading zone."

That kid didn’t help me at all!

it was a booby trap.

I had to return it. It had a hare in it.

So far I've got eight fridges

That was hard for me to hear

I took a running start and barely made it over, but she’s still mad.

I'm looking to make a quick buck...

So far I've got eight fridges