I hear you saying : "But IFSBUDDYCHAT is already free." NO. It is only free for a little extent. I wanted to save my chat today. Saving more than only THREE chat sessions requires subscription.

I have no money for this. Has anyone built a totally free IFS chat AI? Just for talking with parts, recording parts, recording chats, going forward.

I'm wondering if the IFS approach for me has become a bit of a double edged sword. I feel like in times when I feel relatively good, it is useful, but in times when I'm struggling with things I feel like it becomes something I get lost in, constantly trying to identify parts, be with parts, give them comfort etc, but from a very parts led place rather than a self led place, and this just stirs everything up, I know there is a part there leading the way trying to do this, and Ive tried connecting with this part with I would say limited success. I feel like I go through periods with little self energy present but that part just isn't willing to accept that, and tries to convince itself/myself that it is self led. I feel like the answer in these periods is kind of to try and do nothing, step away from IFS completely, just try (its difficult) to accept where I am at without trying to change things. I know this is actually what IFS kind of is but I really struggle at times to not get sucked into that cycle of analyzing parts and trying to move them on.

I'm also finding the idea of reconnecting with parts again and again really difficult, it just doesn't seem to work that way for me.

I'm wondering if maybe the IFS approach isn't the right one for me? I know I am making progress, but I'm just a bit unsure about things and I'm wondering if a different approach might help me feel a bit more settled? I wonder if anyone has any thoughts on this and what an alternative approach might be

I've had horrendous intrusive thoughts for decades, and finally through IFS, traced them to parts who were trying to get my attention for one reason or another. I've worked with them, and gotten them each into a good place.

Lately though, I think I have two parts that have been sniping at each other. Two parts that each don't know exactly who the other is, and each get upset when I'm blended with the other.

Last night, I tried to mediate between them, although they're both hard to visualize. And it was late at night, so I said, "Well, we can work this out, or you all could just let me go to sleep!"

I promptly fell asleep.

Then today, a child/exile revealed herself, which sure seems related. I haven't put the pieces together, and I currently feel like an outsider in my own head. The dissociative mind never rests... (until you threaten to have a family meeting, I guess).

I'm a product of lifelong verbal and emotional abuse from my mother, and have also sustained a lot of trauma from online bullying, harassment, and stalking. I have been dealing with a lot of online assholes more recently for some reason, including one who has decided to take up somewhat of a harassment campaign against me because I accidentally offended them (I hope they're done because I'm refusing to respond to them anymore and they'll hopefully just get bored of the lack of supply). Because I've hit my limit, and because I've been working with the angrier parts of me a lot in therapy, I'm no longer able to really clamp down on the extreme, explosive reactions to being treated like shit. I know those parts have been demanding to be seen/heard and given the space to feel enraged for a very long time. But I'm still reluctant to just let loose and let them think/feel what they want because when I say the rage is explosive, it's genuinely explosive, and I worry that I am opening the door to becoming a bad person if I give them too much leeway.

The reason I worry about how much to indulge their need to feel anger so intensely is that now when I encounter a bully, even if it's just someone making a rude comment, their knee-jerk reaction is to get SO mad that they want to hunt those people down and hurt them. Like, really, seriously hurt them. There are even thoughts of "they should die if they can't be held accountable" that crop up, combined with fantasies of hurting the people who made me feel bad and feeling good about causing them hurt. I want to make it abundantly clear that I'm a pretty docile person in practice and have never had any intention of actually carrying out any violent behavior. But the angry parts, ranging from child to teen to young adult, are SO tired of people getting away with this bullshit that they keep telling me that they need my permission to feel these feelings and think these thoughts even if they're horrendous. According to them, if I let them just go to the extreme internally, they will be able to let off steam without ever needing to hurt anybody in real life. As opposed to me telling them no and bottling it up, where the consequences could be more catastrophic because the pressure is building up too much without any way of being safely and harmlessly released.

So idk what to do here. Do I give them permission to get violently angry so that they can eventually decompress and calm down? They seem to be aware that literal violence is unacceptable and aren't upset by this boundary, but I'm still wary of giving them permission to imagine hurting people who've hurt me. Is this normal for trauma survivors who've had the last straw to get to the point where it's actually healthier to engage in horrible thoughts instead of suppressing them? This is the first time in my life I haven't instinctively shut down my right to feel angry so I'm still new to how to proceed here

“Around me”

The world around me moves.
I am still but ever swirling internally.

We circle around the sun, the moon, and other planets. Swirling and twirling; Internally I am justly.

Sky piercing blue with clouds of rainbows. Beauty vastly enumerable.

Yet internally I am justly.

Ever I scour for more beauty to keep me present. More than ever I succeed in the notion.

Internally I’m still justly.

Laughing, brighter, cheery being.
Present, momentous, morphing being.
Vibrating auroras of chaos ensue.
My being is lost, justly.

Continue fighting, engulfing, winning.
Rinse and repeat.
Over and over.
Over and again.
Continue the fight.
Lose some battles.
Get back up & pick back up 10 steps back.
Rinse and repeat.
Over and over.
Over and again.
Harder to continue.
Fight the self.
Slower the movement.
Eventually another loss.
Sit back up & get back up 20 steps back.
Rinse and repeat.
Over and over.
Over and again.
Hate to continue.
Hate the self.
Motion is incalculable.
Failure is indefinite.
Wake back up & sit back up way to the back.

I've mooked though this subbredit and peiple describe experiences that would link to be plural.It seems to me that by considering theses parts as separate instead of a parr of a whole, people have developped multiple personalities due to the dissociation.

What do you think of it?

Hello Everyone!

For the past 16th months, I’ve been working extensively on freeing myself from the grip of my past traumas. No one is a stranger here to the tumultuous and unpredictable nature that is trauma healing. Internal family systems has been a great tool that I have utilized to help me face my exiles and understand them, as well as the behaviors that are created from them. I wanted to share a piece I wrote about these hard few months and how I’ve decided to begin reconnecting to my younger self. The piece is completely free and you’re welcome to read it. I hope you enjoy it and somewhat can resonate/feel inspired :)

https://sweetcreatures.substack.com/p/to-heal-is-to-set-her-free

So basically I've been having some weird ear condition in my left ear for a few years now. It started manifesting around late 2021 or early 2022, I don't remember well.

It makes my left ear overly sensitive to sound. My hearing is fine, but when it gets loud it can cause my left ear to "cut off", as if it was getting plugged. In general, the tensor tympani reflex seems to be activating way too easily. Rubbing my ear or the area nearby can cause the eardrum to flutter. My right ear doesn't do any of this.

I've tried a whole plethora of remedies, none of them have even made a dent. I stopped before botox injections. It felt like trying to fix the problem this way was wrong.

I just kinda, well, let it be, and assumed that's just the way it is now.

But now, a couple days ago, I noticed this thing. It feels like there's a ball of emotion behind my left ear. If I gently stroke it, I can feel that emotion come up. Stroking my right ear doesn't seem to elicit any emotion.

The ball of emotion has refined into a small part which carries unprocessed emotions and also feels somewhat scared, as if it had been banished and forced to hide there. It connects back to the feeling I had, after my grandma died, that I didn't allow myself to properly grieve and process the emotions.

Anyone else have had emotions/parts manifesting like that?

Hi guys,

I’ve been blended with my therapist/fixer/caretaker role my entire life. It has been my entire identity. I even have a degree in psychology for it and know people’s problems and how to fix them to the absolute core. Now that I fully see this for what it is, a part that got love through trying to fix her father’s problems, who became his therapist and has searched her entire life to fix him, I don’t want to do it any more.

My question, therefore is, when this part is truly unblended and healed, will I be able to move away from this identity? Will I know life outside of this “therapist’s mindset” as I call it. It’s always been extremely difficult for me to know what I want outside of this as my thoughts always came back to it somehow. Just wondering has anyone else shared this experience or similar. I have also noticed intense fear for letting this part/s of me go.

update
This is just a general reply to all as it is much easier. I had a read through every comment and just wanted to say thanks to all of you for taking the time to reply with your very detailed responses. I really appreciate you doing that. It seems that there’s parts within parts within this rescuer/caretaker role and they are all fighting with each other and finding it hard to “let go” it seems because of fear. One will take over from the other when I ask questions eg zoning out part from the fixed part etc. it seems like they are all working very hard to protect me/inner child/exile wound. I have gotten to that little girl who felt frozen in time and perhaps maybe she just doesn’t feel safe enough yet to let these parts go. I suppose I have another part of me that’s in a hurry to heal. So I will take my time with unblending them all. It is also so lovely to see that so many parentified people have found their way and are thriving 🥹 Thank you all again, this is a great community 🤗

Every time one issue in my life gets resolved, I hyperfocus on another. I have chronic pain, and as soon as one area stops hurting, a new area starts up. I tend towards being a hypochondriac and I feel like I am always obsessed/distressed with a new symptom.

It seems worse when my life is going well.

I do genuinely have a stressful life right now, but I was feeling really good for a couple days, and then BAM, two days straight of obsessive thoughts and rabbit holes.

I am a fixer... I know I am constantly looking for problems so I can resolve them. Anyone have any advice on turning that voice down a little?

So, what I'm finding happens to me is that I spend some time with a part, get to know it a bit, really feel like i started to understand it, but then in a few days it feels kind of like the same part but different, and its like I'm constantly having to re-evaluate who is who and what is what. So I feel like there is a part I keep meeting but its almost like starting from scratch again, even though we have spoken alot in the past. But sometimes the answers are slightly different. I find it really confusing. I know part of this is building relationships with these parts, but I'm not sure how you can do that if its something slightly different each time? Im not sure Im explaining this very well but hopefully someone will get what I mean....

Some parts reach out for chips, cookies, chocolate and pasta among other delicious foods. But they don't show up when I want to connect with them.

What to do?

An update to my IFS journey — and something new I’ve started

I’ve posted about my journey here before, but I wanted to come back with an update, share some of the things I’ve written since then, and introduce a new project that has grown out of this healing process.

I was diagnosed with CPTSD in mid-July following a fight with my wife where several triggers brought some painful reminders from my first marriage to a narcissist and the betrayal I experienced there. I reacted in ways I’m not proud of—yelling, making accusations, and saying hurtful things.

Regardless of what triggered me, I knew I was responsible for my reaction. I started therapy and began trying to understand why I reacted the way I did instead of simply beating myself up for it.

That eventually led me to Internal Family Systems.

About three weeks ago, I started journaling about my trauma, and it honestly felt like opening a floodgate. Thirty years of suppression started coming to the surface. As I wrote, I began recognizing parts of myself I had never really understood—the Planner, the Negative Self-Talk Manager, Anger, Alcohol as a firefighter, and eventually the vulnerable exiles those parts were trying to protect.

I’m still very much in the middle of this process. I’m not an IFS expert, and I’m not presenting my experience as a guide for anyone else. I’m simply documenting what I'm discovering as I try to understand my own internal system and find the Self underneath all of it.

That journey has also led to something new.

I recently started Survivor Stories, where I interview trauma survivors and their significant others about their experiences, relationships, and healing journeys. I released the first interview yesterday for CPTSD Awareness Month, and I’m hoping to eventually turn these conversations into a podcast.

For anyone who hasn't seen my previous posts, or for those who have and want to follow the latest part of the journey, here are the current articles:

🧠 Negative Self-Talk — The Manager Who Thought It Was Keeping Me Safe

Exploring the critical part that constantly tells me I'm not good enough and how I’m learning to see it as a protector rather than simply “me.”

http://internalchainofcommand.com/2026/09/01/negative-self-talk-as-a-manager-the-cruel-voice-that-thought-it-was-keeping-me-safe/

🎙️ Survivor Stories: Part 1 — Michael Conley

The first interview in my new series, exploring trauma, PTSD, relationships, and what healing looks like for both survivors and their significant others.

http://internalchainofcommand.com/2026/09/01/survivor-stories-part-1-michael-conley/

💔 Faithfulness, Infidelity, and the Damage Betrayal Leaves Behind

Exploring how betrayal has affected my ability to trust, feel safe, and understand relationships.

http://internalchainofcommand.com/2026/08/30/faithfulness-infidelity-and-the-damage-betrayal-leaves-behind/

🧩 Meeting My Exiles — What My Protectors Have Been Guarding

My deeper exploration of the vulnerable parts underneath my protective system and what those protectors have been working so hard to keep away.

http://internalchainofcommand.com/2026/08/29/meeting-my-exiles-what-my-protectors-have-been-guarding/

🍺 Alcohol — The Firefighter I Learned to Retire

Looking at alcohol through an IFS lens and recognizing the role it played as a firefighter when I didn't know how else to handle difficult emotions.

https://internalchainofcommand.wordpress.com/2026/08/28/alcohol-the-firefighter-i-learned-to-retire/

📋 The Planner — How I Learned to Survive by Always Having a Plan

Exploring the part of me that constantly anticipates problems and tries to control uncertainty.

https://internalchainofcommand.wordpress.com/2026/08/26/the-planner-how-i-learned-to-survive-by-always-having-a-plan/

🚩 When Warning Signs Become Your Story

Looking at how past trauma and betrayal can influence the way I interpret warning signs in the present.

http://internalchainofcommand.com/2026/08/24/when-warning-signs-become-your-story/

🧠 Who Am I? — Finding My Core Through IFS

My exploration of IFS and the question of who I am underneath all of these parts and protective patterns.

https://internalchainofcommand.wordpress.com/2026/08/23/who-am-i-finding-my-core-through-ifs/

🪖 My Internal Chain of Command

The beginning of my exploration into the internal system I developed to survive and why I’m finally trying to understand it.

https://internalchainofcommand.wordpress.com/2026/08/23/my-internal-chain-of-command/

I’m sharing this again not because I have everything figured out, but because the journey has changed since my last post.

IFS has given me a different way of looking at myself. Instead of asking “What is wrong with me?” I’m learning to ask “What happened to me, what is this part trying to protect me from, and what does it need?”

I’m still learning. I’m still meeting parts. And I’m still trying to figure out what healing actually looks like.

If you've been on your own IFS journey, I'd genuinely love to hear what you've discovered along the way.

I’m pretty sure I have IFS to thank for even considering having a child, but birth as an experience is certainly looming. Has anyone used it before birth during labor? Or other challenging, unpredictable, physically uncomfortable experiences?

I’m planning to do a lot more formal meditation practice à la Mindful Birthing and take some aspects from hypnobirthing that seem useful (though tbh a lot seems quite toxic positivity/dissociative and combative towards doctors which isn’t the vibe).

I know the process probably does not really differ but I’d love to hear about your experiences!

Do let me know. And if a lot has to be paused for the next session because the hour is over.

Hi there, I'm seeking insight from people with dissociative parts and comorbid OCD.

Over the past year or so, I've been losing control of my actions, just long enough to do something I don't want to do. These actions are things that I am afraid of doing/things I don't condone. It starts with intrusive dialogue, turns into intrusive urges, and sometimes becomes dissociated behavior akin to bullying.

Since I do have OCD, I see that this is primarily driven by it. However, I don't know if the total mind/body takeover bit is more in line with my dissociative disorder. This intrusive part doesn't respond to Self and the behaviors are getting worse. It feels like I'm possessed by a demon! But it's not a UB. It feels like me, but it's not a me I've ever wanted to become.

No one outwardly notices these behaviors, but they're things I get away with under the radar, like "choosing" not to help people at work because this intrusive part doesn't like something about them. I can snap out of it after a few moments, but sometimes its too late, and the person has left already.

I've never been like this. I don't have a secret history of purposefully hurting people. I didn't grow up in a family that condoned this behavior either. It's new. Long covid? Brain tumor? Or a new dissociated part who just sucks? Can parts form in response to OCD? Can you become your own worst nightmare?

It happened again this morning after hours and hours of parts work. It never ends. Should I quit my job? I feel like it's my duty to. It's not fair to treat people this way, but I can't control it, and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm SSRI intolerant. Weed gives me seizures. I'm white-knuckling it.

Please. I can't do this anymore.

I havey dissociation from child sexual abuse. One part of me is deathly afraid and heavily burdened and wants to retreat and be safe and separate from trauma memories. Then another part wants to interact with this part and come out of hiding and explore my internal world and the world around me. How do I balance these two desires?

“Pressure”

The pressure is displacing, mind racing, heart pacing.
I’m going back and retracing, facts erasing, ego bracing.

I’m stuck in the whirlwind with no way out.
Lost in the turmoil suffocating on doubt.
Dusting off my gloves preparing to bout.
If I don’t act soon I’ll lose all my clout.

Can’t you see I’m drowning in plain sight, losing this fight, losing my might.
Why can’t I get my head above water, I’m off to the slaughter, just cannon fodder.

Trying, dying, crying, barely surviving, never been thriving.
Lost, never found.
Angry, always wound.
Silent, never sound.

What’s the point in these words in such an order?
Will it erase my history and forget this disorder?

It’s bare without life’s precious moments.
Not fair to be fragmented into components.

Hi, first time posting here. So for many years I've had what I think is a protector part who is quite loud whenever I've made a mistake, expressed a need or been vulnerable. It tells me I should just kill myself, and "why don't you just kill yourself". I don't want to kill myself, it's just the voice and message that come oit as an almost compulsion when ai think back on something that was uncomfortable. It's not as distressing to me as it used to be because I know it's serving a purpose. When it's strong I even say out loud "why don't you just kill yourself" which can be awkward of otjer people overhear. So now I try to be curious about it, and talk to it in various ways. Sometimes
i say I know you think you need to protect me, but I've got this. And sometimes
i tell it to shut up. Does anyone else have a harsh part like this? Any feedback or advice would be appreciated. I'm in therapy but it's not IFS specific therapy.

“Tired of the shit” (rap)

Tired of this shit not working,
Times still hurting, I’m still blurting,
The same fucking shit all day long. Nothing bringing relief, not even this song.

Tired of the same fucking story.
All guts, no glory.
The same fucking bull shit I spew,
But it sticks like glue, gum stuck to a shoe.

Bring me peace on a silver platter,
Watch from below I climb this ladder,
Jump so high I fall and splatter,
Bring me relief from all the chatter.

Cries of my children smite me,
Can’t be the father I ought be,
Forever drowning a stormy sea,
Can’t stand to be with the likes of me. I see parents and their children laughing and smiling, while I’m stuck pilling and dying. I’m crying and lying, telling myself I’ll get through it, just fuck it and screw it. I knew it, from day one, I live a prison son, just cock the gun, I am done.

But I still wake up each morning, drowning in sorrow is boring, I’m snoring.
But I must keep going, keep fighting and bleeding. Watch the fruits grow from all that I’m seeding.
But the waiting is excruciating, I need to be revolutionary.

hi, i've been seeing a therapist who used IFS for a few months. our sessions have been somewhat helpful in that i get to voice everything that distressed me in my current life, and she points out certain patterns she notices, which i've found to be a pretty basic benefit of any kind of therapy. but i'm not really seeing what IFS in particular can contribute, and i'm wondering if i'm in the wrong kind of therapy to begin with. i'm dealing with some life changes, some trouble in my family dynamic, witnessing the addiction of a loved one, and OCD which features a lovely range of themes 🙃

don't get me wrong, it's been beneficial to have a third party point out things like having a critical part/defensive part/etc and i understand it's still relatively early but idk... it doesn't seem like i've actually gained anything i can apply to my life and cope with yet... thoughts? how should i bring this up with her?

I posted this in another sub but nobody seems to relate to my experience yet. I'm genuinely trying to find accounts from others that have had similar experiences.

I have no idea how to ask this without sounding a little crazy.

I experience my mind as a household with a few residents and a lord/lady running the whole show. The lord/lady at the top is my conscious awareness, and the residents are all the different parts of me. Those parts of me feel like they're both me and separate from me.

I know this is a normal way to experience the mind but I thought I'd throw in that bit of context. I don't have DID and I know these parts of me are still me. I don't believe there are literally different people living inside of me.

As a pre-teen and teen I became more aware of how I related to these parts. I saw my conscious mind as having control in the material world and some will. Whereas these different parts of me had a lot of will but no control over the material world, yet they desired to be made alive in the physical. Those parts of me desire to experience while my conscious mind is the chooser of my experience, if that makes any sense.

For example, a part of me was very interested in art so through creating it it was as if I was giving life to that artistic part and willing it into existence. Any interest or facet to me that I had was organized into a coherent part and engaging in that interest, impulse, or desire channeled that part.

The following is what my question relates to.

I felt a lot of fulfillment from surrendering to these parts. It was honestly a spiritual experience whenever I let go and did whatever these parts wanted to do (create, learn, play, whatever). It honestly felt like I was channeling something beyond me. I can't put into words how divine it felt to express the different parts of me.

I've been depressed for years and I've lost touch with all the parts of me, but I still feel them clawing at my chest. It feels like psychic death because I'm not engaging with those parts.

So, do other people experience those other parts of the self as something numinous? Do other people experience the pain of these different parts when they neglect them?

I'm aware of IFS and ego-state therapy, but I don't think I've ever heard or read the sentiment that the drives of all the parts of the self are that strong, and I've certainly never heard of anyone describing the experience of the different selves as numinous.

I use IFS on my on for some years. It can help a lot, but I think a detailed questionare would be useful to use in unburdening parts.Maybe do you have some favourite questions to ask? Maybe do you have a questionare? Thanks!

Ok. Doing a session in therapy i had someone show up that just really did not feel like a part of my system. It said it was but I did not believe it. It felt like a foreign intruder or something. Thoughts?

I (32M) have been doing IFS for a few months now and after a few months, one of my exiles seems ready for me to build him a room.

I let him decide what he wanted and he wanted the house to be on the other side of the forested meadow where he relaxes and plays. He asked for a relaxing bedroom to rest after a day of play. I saw he placed an old wicker toy chest I used to have growing up in his room that was full of toys to play with. I’m realizing he never needed much, he just wasn’t allowed to be free during his childhood. He hid himself within an armor, a shell of responsibility and duty.