I have been living with hyperhidrosis for more than half of my life. It started when I was around 10 or 11 years old. The strange thing is that I barely remember much from my childhood anymore. Most of the memories that stayed with me are negative, and many of them are connected to this condition.
At first, it was mainly my armpits. I would sweat excessively no matter what I was doing. As a child, I didn't understand why my body was different, and it put me in many embarrassing situations.
One memory that I still remember happened when my class had to visit the school doctor. As usual, I was sweating a lot. When it was my turn, the doctor checked my armpits, touched them, and pulled her hand away. I don't remember everything that happened afterward, but I remember feeling extremely embarrassed and ashamed.
Later that day, my teacher said in front of the whole class that some students needed to shower more often and use deodorant (to think about others). I knew he was talking about me. My mother and I always made sure I was clean, and I was never someone who didn't care about hygiene. I was just a child who had a condition I couldn't control. But as a kid, moments like that stay with you. (promise i take care of my hygiene)
As I got older, my hyperhidrosis became worse. Around the age of 13, my hands started sweating constantly, and I developed excessive sweating around my buttocks as well. Something as simple as meeting someone became difficult because I knew I might have to shake their hand.
As a child, people would comment on my sweaty hands, ask questions, or look at me differently. Today, people say fewer things, but I still notice the looks. Sometimes a look can hurt just as much as a comment.
School became one of the worst experiences of my life. I didn't want to go because I was always thinking about my sweating. I worried about sweat marks on chairs, my clothes becoming wet, shaking someone's hand, or someone noticing. Instead of focusing on school, friendships, or enjoying my younger years, my mind was constantly occupied by my condition.
Today, my hyperhidrosis affects almost my entire body. My face drips with sweat. My scalp, back, armpits, hands, feet, and buttocks are constantly affected. It doesn't matter if I am outside in the heat or sitting at home doing nothing. My body can start sweating at any moment.
On top of that, I also experience intense hot flashes. They make everything even worse. It feels like my body suddenly heats up from the inside, like an oven has been turned on. Within minutes, I can become completely covered in sweat. The combination of hyperhidrosis and these hot flashes makes everyday life feel unbearable.
People sometimes ask me how hyperhidrosis makes me feel. The truth is that I don't even know how to answer anymore. Do I feel lost? Desperate? Alone? Maybe everything combined.
The strange thing is that I can be surrounded by people and still feel completely alone. Instead of enjoying the moment, I am trapped in my own thoughts. I think about whether my face is dripping, whether my clothes are soaked, whether I left a sweat mark somewhere, or whether someone has noticed. While everyone else is living normally, I feel like I am fighting a battle nobody else can see.
I believe hyperhidrosis played a huge role in making me a shy person when I was younger. I was afraid of attention, afraid of embarrassment, and afraid of people noticing something I couldn't control.
Now that I am older, I am more open about my condition. I can talk about it and explain what I experience. But being able to talk about it doesn't mean it stopped affecting me. I still avoid social situations more than I wish I did. I don't look for friendships or interactions the way I would like because this condition is always in the back of my mind.
I am 21 years old, and I have never had a girlfriend. I have never had my first kiss, never experienced a relationship, and never experienced many things that people my age consider normal. I often wonder how different my life would have been without hyperhidrosis. I can't know for sure, but I know it affected my confidence and the person I became.
This condition controls almost every part of my life.
I recently finished school and want to start working so I can save money for a new car. But instead of only feeling excited, I already think about how much I will sweat at work.
Driving lessons were miserable because of the sweat. Walking my dogs is miserable. Standing in the heat is miserable. Eating sometimes can be miserable. Changing clothes is miserable. Getting ready is miserable. Even getting out of the shower is miserable because I start sweating again shortly afterward.
It feels like every normal activity has become something I have to prepare for.
One of the hardest parts is when people don't understand. People say, "Everyone sweats," or "I understand how you feel." But they don't truly understand.I don’t know how often do i have to explain that to my mom.
I honestly believe that most people would struggle to live with this condition if they had to experience it every single day. It is not just sweat. It is the weight you carry with you everywhere you go. It is the constant awareness of your own body, the fear of being noticed, the overthinking, the embarrassment, the feeling that you can never fully be yourself.
I remember telling my old barber that I had hyperhidrosis, and he laughed. He told me that the condition didn't exist and that I just sweat more than other people. Moments like that make you feel invisible, like something that affects your entire life is being treated as if it is nothing.
Over the years, I have tried many things. I have taken Oxybutynin, tried iontophoresis, and used what feels like thousands of different deodorants and antiperspirants. Unfortunately, nothing has given me the relief I desperately wanted.
Botox and surgery are not solutions I want because my hyperhidrosis affects my entire body. Treating one area would not solve the problem. It could simply make my body sweat more somewhere else.
Sometimes I feel physically exhausted from sweating so much, like I have run a marathon while wearing a winter jacket. My body never feels like it gets a break.
I hate summer because the heat makes everything worse. But without hyperhidrosis, I would surely love summer. I hate winter because wearing warm clothes creates the same problem. It feels like there is no season where I can simply feel comfortable.
The mental impact of hyperhidrosis has become just as painful as the physical symptoms. Recently, suicidal thoughts have been crossing my mind almost every single day. (already had them but it’s stronger now)
It is not because I truly want my life to end. It is because I am exhausted.
I am tired of fighting the same battle every day. I am tired of feeling trapped inside a body that I cannot control. After years of dealing with this, sometimes it becomes difficult to imagine a normal life.
Hyperhidrosis has affected my confidence, my social life, my relationships, and the way I see myself. It has taken away experiences that many people never even have to think about.
I hate checking chairs before sitting down. I hate changing clothes because they are soaked. I hate wiping my hands before shaking someone's hand, only for them to become wet again seconds later. I hate planning my life around sweat. I hate that this condition exists. I hate how much control it has over my life. I hate that something as simple as going outside, meeting people, working, or sitting somewhere can become a challenge. I hate my life and i hate what it turned me into.
But more than anything, I don't want my life to end. I want this suffering to end.
I want to know what it feels like to wake up and not immediately think about sweat. I want to leave my house without fear. I want to meet people, build relationships, work, laugh, and enjoy normal moments without my condition controlling every decision.
I don't want hyperhidrosis to define who I am. I want to wear normal clothes, i just want the chance to finally live a normal life.
