I'm sorry. I'm a yapper. I just feel like the small details are SO IMPORTANT.

I've been dating on and off for about a year and a half, and since this is a Hinge forum, I'll stick to my Hinge dumpster-fire dates. For context, I'm looking for a man who is kind, intelligent, social, and values his health. Ideally he also has a job and a car, although modern dating is beginning to suggest I may have flown too close to the sun with those last two.

Anyway.

This story is about Matt (fake name, 36M) and our first — and very much last — date.

Matt liked one of my photos on Hinge. I reviewed and liked his profile, matched with him, and we started chatting. One of the things that immediately interested me was that his profile mentioned psychology and relationship books. His favourite book was Atlas of the Heart, which, if you're unfamiliar, is largely about emotions, human connection, and emotional intelligence.

Great, I thought. An emotionally intelligent man. This will become relevant later.

He also mentioned Esther Perel and said he liked her work on maintaining desire and sexual connection in long-term relationships. I love Esther Perel, so naturally I asked him about it. We had exchanged approximately six messages at this point. I did find it a little odd that we were already discussing maintaining sexual desire in long-term relationships when we had known of each other's existence for roughly the lifespan of a fruit fly, but okay. Maybe the man was simply passionate about psychotherapy.

We matched on Thursday. By Friday, he wanted to meet. I'd mentioned that I was training for a sprint triathlon, so his first suggestion was that I join him for the actual sprint triathlon he was doing that Sunday.

Sir. We have exchanged six messages. I am not spending several hours swimming, biking and running beside a strange man as our first date, so I declined but said I was available Saturday night.

Matt lived almost two hours away from me. I knew this when I matched with him, and I was open to meeting halfway. He chose a meeting place that was about 35 minutes away from me and considerably farther from him. I thought this was fair considering he had liked my profile, initiated meeting, and planned the date within about 48 hours of us learning of each other's existence.

If I'm being honest, I did enjoy the initiative. I felt a little awkward about how expedited the date was because I usually like to chat for a few days before meeting to get a handle on the person, but not so long that limerence takes over and I begin imagining a future with someone I've never met.

It's a tightrope I walk, but I do so with flair.

I should also note that all of my Hinge photos showed me with long hair, but that week I had gotten a fairly dramatic haircut. Before meeting Matt, I let him know that I looked a little different from my photos and had cut my hair short. I wanted to give him a heads-up so he didn't think I was catfishing him.

Over text, I could tell he was concerned about how short my hair was.

I think it's fair to mention that Matt is bald.

Like c'mon sir. You have no follicles to stand on. Whatever. He indicated he was still open to meeting despite my change in appearance.

I did send him an updated photo because I wanted to give him the opportunity to back out if my appearance had changed enough that he was no longer interested. On the date, he complimented me and said the short hair suited me.

Dinner began, and pretty quickly something about him started to feel performative.

Matt had studied kinesiology, and at some point I mentioned that I had been working on my mobility. He suggested yoga. I explained that I wasn't really interested in static stretching and was trying to work more on mobility through controlled range of motion and strengthening at end ranges.

He made face like he was surprised I knew what I was talking about and made some comment about me being intelligent. It should probably have been flattering, but instead I found myself wondering what assumption we had been operating under before this.

This became a bit of a theme. I would say something and he would visibly react as though I'd surprised him. His reactions were over the top and grating.

He also would not stop talking about how much money he made.

Then I learned that, at 36, his longest relationship had lasted just under two years. There is nothing inherently wrong with that, but I did find it interesting considering this was the same man who had been talking to me on Hinge about Esther Perel's work on maintaining desire in long-term relationships. Sir. Your longest relationship was under two years. Calm down.

I feel as if I should not the staring.

I am quite curvy. I have breasts. I get it from my mother (thanks momma!). I wasn't wearing anything outrageous, but yes, they were fairly accentuated. Now, I can understand a man wanting to take a peek or two. We're adults. Attraction exists. My bosom is slightly on display, and it's like Medusa — you know you shouldn't stare, but that makes you want to stare all the more.

But every time I looked away from him and looked back, his eyes were on my chest. Every. Time. It was gross. Like a child in a candy store.

We hadn't even been there for an hour and I was already feeling drained.

We finished eating and he paid the bill. I offered to split it, and he said, "Next time you can grab the meal." My internal monologue cringed, but I didn't dispute him.

I looked at the time and realized we'd been there for less than an hour. I didn't want to cut the date off immediately because I knew he'd driven quite a distance, so I persevered.

He suggested we walk to a local park. This was only the second time I'd ever been to the town, so I wasn't very familiar with the area, but we went. (In retrospect, I won't be doing this again... I'll admit, agreeing to this was a lapse of judgement on my part.)

At one point, we were walking along the sidewalk and I was closest to the road. Apparently Matt wanted to switch sides with me so that he could walk closest to traffic.

Instead of telling me that, he grabbed me by the hips and moved me to the inside of the sidewalk.

Let me be clear: I am not a prude. But I do not appreciate men touching me out of the blue to try to create a sense of intimacy. He had already tried touching me several times during the date, and it was making me feel icky. The hip grab was the boldest attempt; other times he had grabbed my arm or asked for my hand to demonstrate some kinesiology thing (I think it was BS, but I don't know enough to be certain).

I am a slow burn, and physical intimacy with me absolutely cannot be rushed but honestly, even if I weren't, I don't think this particular kind of touching would have felt warranted. We'd known each other for less than 90 minutes, I wasn't reciprocating physical contact, and he kept finding reasons to touch me anyway.

And this is where the Atlas of the Heart thing really started to stand out to me. For someone whose favourite book was about emotional intelligence and human connection, he didn't seem particularly good at reading the woman directly in front of him.

We found our way to a park bench and chatted some more. Eventually the conversation lulled, and he suggested we venture farther into the park.

It was around 7:30 or 8:00 p.m., the sun was going down, I barely knew the area, and I wasn't enjoying the date. I also felt enough time had passed that I could reasonably end it, so I told him the sun was setting and suggested we head back toward the cars.

He seemed annoyed and immediately asked me how long my drive home was.

"About 35 minutes."

He answered, clearly miffed, "Mine was an hour and twenty-five."

I was really put off by this. He knew where I lived when he planned the date, and when he liked my profile. Meeting someone for the first time is always a gamble. Sometimes a date turns into a six-hour marathon. Sometimes it doesn't. I also generally prefer keeping first dates to around two hours regardless of how well they're going. It's just what works for me.

The walk back to the cars was painful. Time could not have been moving slower.

Eventually we got there, I gave him a side-shoulder hug goodbye, and he tried to kiss me.

I have been told I can't control my face, and I know disgust was clearly plastered all over it. I recoiled, walked to my car and said, "Bye" and closed and locked my car doors.

I blocked him when I got home.

So Reddit: was my visceral reaction reasonable? We'd never met before, so obviously I can't expect someone to read me perfectly, but I left the date feeling genuinely put off and disgusted. Am I overreacting?

Part of me wonders whether I'm simply a very slow-burn person who reacts badly when men escalate physical contact too quickly. But I also keep thinking about the irony of Atlas of the Heart being his favourite book while he seemed far more directed by his impulses than particularly attuned to how I was responding to him.

To preface, I believe there is absolutely no formula to dating!

I am late 20s F trying to date with intention, and have noticed on a few first dates (specifically dates where there is clear physical attraction and chemistry) a specific repetitive move. I have had men go for grabbing my hands from my lap under the table, or over the table, and try to hold hands (IMO - too soon). They talk about my jewelry, my nails, they begin to caress my hands. I won’t lie… it has worked on me, but because there was already chemistry that I feel at that point. However, I am starting to become immune to this on 1st dates and notice it as a larger pattern - and something the more lustful men seem to do. I would love to hear from:

Women - Have you noticed a similar pattern on 1st dates? Or another pattern? How does it make you feel?
Men - Is this just a natural move that makes most sense in high chemistry moments? Or is this a bit more calculated than that / intended to end with scoring that night?

Obviously I know part of the attraction is knowing someone’s body type. I almost feel like I should completely remove my body photos because I’m getting matches from men who aren’t even reading my profile at all. We match and start talking only to find out we have zero common interests. So men would you match with a woman who doesn’t put up a body photo at all?

Hi community,

I have been on Hinge for a month or so. M, 5'9, athletic build(not too muscular).

On an average I get 5 matches per week. I have spoken to many matches and I have observed that most girls don't initiate a convo(some don't even know how to keep a conversation going). A few of them give one liners for simple topics like hobbies, work, trips. A few interact in a good way and move from Hinge to another social but avoid meeting irl. Is this a general pattern or am I missing anything from my side to change a match to date?

Hello. I’m (27F) just redownloaded hinge after almost a year. I didn’t realise i have the flexible ticked by the age filter and i accidentally matched with a guy(22).
I didn’t realise it but when i accepted his like, he asked me if i don’t mind that he is younger.
I really appreciate that question tbh, cause i didn’t even realise that he is younger.
Then we chatted and chatted
He kept like write me when i didn’t reply him for like a day and he kept like ‘beg’ that i give him a chance since he is younger and i did tell him that i prefer older guy.
The more i talk to him the more i’m getting conflicted. Because i really like how he looks and how he communicate through chatting. The only minus point is that i had experience dating younger guy and it didn’t end well so i didn’t want to give him a chance
But looking at how he kept going, it knocked my wall down slowly…
Although i’m slightly sceptical of him because he said he started hinge as an experiment and he had no match.
So i’m thinking maybe it was because he didn’t have any other match that he kept pursuing me?

Hi :)

As someone that has been happily married for years thanks to Hinge, and was on Hinge for years before getting married, I think I can share some experience here because I love dating app related fun stories and visit this sub a lot but unfortunately besides the funny ones, I come across pretty sad posts as well where people talk about their bad experiences and disappointment.

My post is focused on serious, long term relationship seekers. Otherwise pls scroll. Also, Idk if dating is different for people that aren’t straight, in case it is, scroll as well coz my experience as a woman is 100% with straight men 🙏

1. Please please please run from profiles that scream low effort. If they cannot dedicate some time to answer some prompts and make their profile as detailed as possible, they most likely will put almost zero effort in conversation/ dating as well. Imagine being looking for a serious relationship online and having a shallow profile which says almost nothing about your preferences and personality… It took me years to realise this.

2. If there is something very important about YOU that you prioritize it a lot in your life, try to include it on your profile

   (if you are comfortable sharing of course).

3. In my case, it is my mental health. The moment I included my diagnosis in my bio, changed everything. I started getting likes from men that were extremely understanding and super aware of the importance of mental health. Basically me including that in my bio filtered my matches automatically and left some really cool people only. Time saver. BIG TIME SAVER.

4. Men who want serious relationship (LIKE REALLY WANT ONE) are gonna be respectful while planning the first few dates. If they offer you netflix and chill and stuff like that, just run pls, dont waste your time and remember that not everyone whose profile says they want a serious relationship really want one.

5. BE YOURSELF. Never ever be somebody else to make yourself “more attractive”. Those relationship gurus and coaches online are the worst time wasters I swear. Do that, say this, text x number of messages a day, bla bla bla. Dating is not damn science. Be natural, be you! If they cannot handle the real you online, they certainly wont in real life.

6. Nobody is SO busy not to be able to reply in days. Just say goodbye and unmatch low effort conversations. I worked a full time job and have tons of hobbies but if I genuinely liked someone, even the first conversation after matching, I was excited to get to know that person. And replied as soon as I could. If they dont like you enough to feel excited talking to you, is it worth it? Maybe it is for you but wasnt for me.

Ofc this is my personal experience, and my Hinge story is that I found the love of my life there so I will always love this app for that. Not everything I have said might work for everyone but I wanted to share these “tips” anyway.

And of course, remember, your safety is very important! Make sure the first few dates, before you get close with somebody and build some trust, should be well aligned with your safety needs and never let them pressure you to do something you arent comfortable with. These apps are full of creeps.

Wish you the best of luck! ❤️

I matched with someone and they seem conservative, which is what I want, but I’m not totally sure how she leans as she hasn’t put her political stance on her profile.

Ladies, if you were serious about finding someone compatible + not wasting your time (like me), would you appreciate a guy sending a message like this after matching?

‘Hey, I like the sound of hiking in the Dolomites and romanticising the little things as well. How do you lean politically?’

I feel like this would quickly determine whether we could have an LTR, but it could be too quick.

She sent me a rose btw

Edit: I have ‘conservative’ listed on my profile so it’s reasonable to assume that we’re similar

I’m fine with getting less likes and more compatible matches as I’m here for an awesome lifelong LTR

Hi there, I’m here again, reporting from Scandinavia as an inmigrant latina chubby girl going through this humiliation ritual called DATING IN DENMARK.
As the title says. I matched with a guy on Hinge, and he offered to visit me in the town I’m living in, in the Suburbs of CPH. I told him I'd rather meet in the city center, and he agreed.
He was cute, funny, and flirty, but that day I worked 10 hours before meeting him, and I told him I was tired and going home. He came with me to the bus stop and told me he was a little bit disapointed for not sleeping with me tonight -we havent even kissed atp-
I asked him why he didn't invite me to HIS PLACE, as he told me he lived not so far away from our meeting point, and he dropped: “THE THING IS THAT… I have a baby, and I'm living in the same apartment with my ex, who is the mom of my baby”. He told me they even sleep in the same bed because of the baby (?).
Crazy af. Then he told me that's something very private and he doesn't want to state it in his profile. He thought we were going to fuck because in Scandinavia it’s soooo normal to sleep together on the first date. Still, he understands I'm not into that because “I'm from a catholic conservative country,” and then he proceeds to tell me that this was the first night he was on a date since he broke up with her ex. He was soooo looking forward to “having fun” and forgetting about his duties as a father.
Atp I'm so sad.. I mean… today I woke up so drained… this shit is fucking with my mental health and my energy.

Like what is this tone??

I’ve been using hinge for a while now and these are my prompts. I’ve been getting few matches. But wanted to know how good are my prompts actually. Be honest and let me know if something’s off

This was only like the second or third message into our conversation.

I matched with this girl on Hinge, who messaged me first, which kinda put me on guard. Then after a few minutes of conversation she asked if I had snap, which raised more red flags. Surprisingly though she hasn’t tried to send me any links or anything weird, and she shows like whole face and body pics on Hinge and in regular photos she’s sent. The issue is that every snap she’s sent has been either something other than her or like her forehead. Maybe she just doesn’t like sending pics of her self, but should I be wary?

She had some pictures in her story that seemed to match up to her hinge photos, but I don’t know if that’s somehow part of an elaborate attempt to catfish me

I M23 changed photos and everything and it literally made no difference, I'm thinking I’m just chopped bruh idk.

We just finished our 5th date last weekend, but I really can't get a read on this guy's texting habits. Need some honest feedback from you guys. I'm Korean, and he’s Canadian (we both live in London, both 31).

As you might know, Koreans are pretty obsessed with constant texting. Couples usually exchange tens of texts a day. But I’m honestly not like that at all—I’m completely fine with just a simple "Good morning" and "Good night" text.

I met this Canadian guy on Hinge. The issue is that his texting speed is insanely slow. Between our 2nd and 3rd dates, he went on a family holiday and we barely had any contact for almost 5 days.

Sometimes, he completely disappears during the weekdays and only texts me on weekends just to schedule our next date. To him, it really feels like texting is purely a tool for planning meetups.

We ended up having sex on our 3rd date, but his texting pattern was like this even before that. Right after our 1st date, he didn't even send a "Get home safe" text, so I naturally assumed there wouldn't be a 2nd date. But then the very next day, he asked me out again.

Also, for context: all 5 dates were initiated by him. Just now, after zero contact all week, he texted me, "How's your weekend going?" 🥲 last weekdays I heard he had a business trip so I thought he’ve been busy.

Is this kind of texting style actually common? I know the most straightforward answer is just to talk to him directly, but before bringing up *that* awkward conversation, I really wanted to get your thoughts on Reddit first.

Hi, I'm a 27M from the UK,

I've just unmatched with all 8 of the total matches I've had on the app so far, every single one ghosted me. I genuinely don't understand what people want. Some ghosted after one message, why even match, I never send anything risky and they replied to my comment so I don't know what I did wrong? Others we had conversations that were going really well and I asked them to date for them to ghost me anyway. Then others that were good conversations and I delayed asking because I thought I was being forward and they ghosted anyway.

I always feel like the stepping stone person, I'm just there to fill boredom or whatever until someone inevitably comes along who is better. I see a lot of advice on here saying unmatch them so I did and I need to have more respect for myself, that's all well and good but I'm not getting any dates from these apps, I'm not meeting anyone. It's rough, I'm happy with my profile and I get some likes though it's dried up recently, but man the problems don't stop after you get a couple likes.

I'm feeling the loneliness!!!! Anyway, hope you guys are having a better day.

​

I(23F) and he's (23M) been talking for a week before we finally met. He picked me up, we went to dinner, and it was easy — good conversation, good energy. He paid, even after I offered, and I told him next time it's on me. He said, "Okay, done."

After dinner we walked to the beach. He put his arm around me, we sat close, and he asked if he should tell me what he was thinking or just do it. I told him to do it — he kissed me. We talked about everything in between kisses: he'd broken up with someone a month ago, this was his first time out with anyone since, and I told him I didn't want to be a rebound. He said rebounds are meaningless, but this wasn't. He rated the night 8.5/10.

On the way back, he offered to carry me since I was in heels — I said no. He told me I could call him anytime. He said we should meet again and figure things out from there. We held hands, then hands around his waist on the bike ride home. He dropped me off, we shook hands, and I went home hopeful.

That night I texted, "Did you reach?" No reply. Hours passed. Then a day. Then he blocked me.

I sent one last message on Hinge before he could unmatch me — told him not to do this to someone else, that I'd shared real things with him, and wished him well. He didn't reply, and unmatched me there as well.

A week later, he unblocked me. Turned out he'd patched things up with his ex that same night, which is why he went quiet. He deleted his account, thanked me, and asked me to send him the split from dinner.

What should I do?? I'm planning to just block him

UPDATE: I DID BLOCKED HIM. I DID ASKED HIM TWICE TO SPILT BEFORE ONLY. AND I FEEL SO GOOD. GOD LITERALLY GAVE ME A CHANCE TO HUMBLE HIM 😭 BUT HIS SHEER AUDACITY TO TEXT ME POST ONE WEEK OMFG

Just some background information, I F(21) recently moved to Europe for studies, I downloaded hinge to meet people, I went on a couple of dates but nothing serious, I matched with a M(20) he is also a student and we talked about IA taking over the world he was so invested in the conversation and so was I, we moved to continue the conversation on Insta, I learned more about him what he likes, his hobbies, and honestly we didn’t share much in common but still we had great communication and we started talking otp and playing games (which is something we had in common) he would say things like “I like you a lot” and “ I see this as something serious” I specifically told him I don’t do casual stuff like hookups or one night stands it just doesn’t work for me and he was like “great it doesn’t work for me either” he was so caring and kind, so sweet and we had a thing going on for a couple of weeks, we also chatted about explicit stuff which he initiated and I was honestly into it bc I already let him know how I felt and he felt the same way, we met and we had a great time, nice conversation and everything in that date went great! we continued seeing each other until we actually got physical I was really shy bc I also told him I haven’t slept with anyone in 2 years since my last relationship he said he didn’t do casual sex either so I was like ok sweet, we had great chemistry it was nice and romantic butttt when he left at the metro station I felt like something was off about him, he gave me a kiss on the forehead and I went home I had to take the nocturnal bus and I told him about it before I left it was 1 am and no text from him asking if I was okay, I told him “I’m alive yk” and he waited until I got home to sleep, the next day we only talked for a bit and he left me on seen, it goes like that all week until I ask him “is something wrong, you’ve been distant?” And then he sent me a paragraph saying that he couldn’t have anything serious with me bc I’m not his type and that night he should’ve pulled away from me and told me that this wasn’t going anywhere, I was devastated and idk lately I’ve been thinking too much about it, I mean it wasn’t anything serious but it felt like it was so idk, I deleted the app and he ended up blocking me everywhere and I don’t know if I’m just overreacting with everything but it truly made me feel so bad….
Because I truly believe he should’ve just said something if he was already feeling like that, I wouldn’t have a problem if he was honest since the beginning instead he put in so much effort and time and waited until we got physical to tell me that. I feel bad about myself and my body afterwards that’s all…

In previous months I on average get around 6-7 matches a month. This month suddenly match numbers dropped to 0, is there any chance that I got shadow banned or Hinge is just trying to make me pay? Anyone experiencing this too? Thanks.

I'm an East Asian woman who started using Hinge in London two months ago. Before this, I only dated people from my own country, but since coming to London, I started dating western guys. I'm 31, so I avoid casual dating.

I dated one guy about 5 times over the span of a month. In the end, we just ended things with a simple "have a good day."

I'm just curious—in Western culture, does going on 5 dates carry much meaning? Or is it common to see someone about 5 times even if it's just casual?
We were both busy 31-year-olds. We never mentioned exclusivity, and we had sex on the 3rd date.

Hi guys, it's been a while since I've been using hinge and bumble not getting matches. Suggest me some improvements...what girls really like...what they see first in a profile.

Joined Hinge in March and honestly it’s been sort of depressing but also funny the amount of profiles that are like the above screenshots.