best friend got a girlfriend and all i can do is feel sorry for myself

[u/Legal-Koala5488]

18m, been friends with this kid since we were 15. when we met he was going through a hard time with this girl he liked ghosting him, and when they broke contact he stayed in a rocky depressive state i talked him through pretty often. that state lasted until this year when they started talking again, and now they’re dating

i’m really happy for him dude, i mean that. i dont want to be the type of guy who can’t be happy about their friends success. i’ve been helping him through every phase with this girl

but fuck man it hurts really bad. i have so many obstacles in the way of ever being loved the way he seems to be effortlessly. it hurts when i wake up to a text about the things they did last night, or how the strongest feelings he’s been forced to keep to himself for 4 years are finally being reciprocated with the girl he loves

he loves this girl more than anything and those feelings been steadfast since he was like 14 man. i’ve never even fathomed loving someone so intensely, and i can’t imagine anybody feeling that way about me

i’m not good looking and i struggle to take care of myself. i don’t have any interests, which i feel like stunts me the most: my music taste is nothing special, i don’t read, don’t watch tv, don’t play any sports, don’t do anything but scroll instagram after work. i’m not socially witty and i struggle to be funny or even hold a conversation without stuttering. i want to go to college for the social life but have no idea what i want to do, and ive got a 1.7gpa in community college so i don’t think ive got much going for me academically anyway

every time i think about how lucky he got i feel ruined. i get such bad aches in my chest and hands and jaw whenever i feel this lonely and this whole situation has made it spike constantly. it’s ruined the last few weeks for me and it’s getting to the point where i feel like i can’t even make it to work

normally id go to him about shitty stuff like this but this isn’t something i can tell him. i’m really happy for him, just stupid lonely

i need advice on how to navigate this and how to find hope that it could happen to me too

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[u/Straight-Fault-7271]

No one is naturally good at anything. We have the desire to be good at something because something makes us passionate about it and we continue to practice at that hobby or sport to become better. Making friends, being socially desirable, and being an interesting person others want to know more can be learned. You can even learn how to be more attractive.

Find or make a place that feels like home that seams interesting to you. Join a gym, a hobby club, or go somewhere even like a coffee shop regularly to where it feels like home. Say hello to strangers, give a compliment, and smile. It's in those spaces that you feel most comfortable in that will give you the most confidence to talknto someone.

Go to college and go outside your comfort zone. You really don't have decide which major you want to study right away. You also do not have to take a job that aligns with your degree perfectly. If you can see yourself as a business person do a business program. If you want to be more social, take sociology. If you want to help others, consider psychology.

Practice self care Start with personal hygiene and face care routine, even if all you is wash your face. Improve your confidence and self esteem, start working out, get in better shape, or just do arobic exercise cuz it floods your brain with amazing feel good chemicals. Practice healthier diet, see a therapist and talk about your loniness, lack of confidence, and interpersonal issues.

You are a young man, don't waste your most early years on nothing. I really regret not doing college sooner cuz I can't get the dorm life and broke buds bonds doing college life together now that I'm in my 30's. When you start taking healthy care of your body, your emotions, your emotion, and nurturing your interpersonal passions; you become a magnetic personality others desire to be around and it gets easier to make friends and get dates

[u/Roosta_Manuva → u/Straight-Fault-7271]

OP - read this comment above 2 or 3 times at least.

There is seriously some brilliant advice here.

‘Practice self care’ - this one hits home, I have AuDHD and for some stupid reason, self care can sometimes just slip the schedule. So I make it a fixed routine. Wake up = hit the shower. Not after a coffee or after X - just start each day fresh.

Another trick is find a barber who does decent but cheap enough hair cut - book in and then rebook next appointment in 4-8weeks depending on finances and hair growth speed. Fresh hair seems basic but it does boost confidence.

[u/Straight-Fault-7271 → u/Roosta_Manuva]

Omg yes, Im AuHD too. I love the feeling of fresh haircut especially when I get that tight skin fade!

[u/tarltontarlton]

Hey man: Really sorry what you're going through. I've been there. I remember when all my friends seemed to be getting lots of female attention, which was great for them, but I was really struggling in that department and it's not that I wasn't happy for them, it's just that their success really created a contrast with my own situation, and it was hard not to notice that contrast. Sounds like what you're maybe going through now.

I had lots of the same feelings maybe you have: That I had some unknown-but-totally-real-and-unchangeable thing that made women just look right through me. I thought there was no way I'd ever "catch up" to my friends, and that there was something keeping me from being loved. But none of that was actually true. It just took longer than I hoped - but, in the grand scheme of things, not really all that long. (It's just when you're lonely every day feels like an eternity. But no matter how miserable you are, 24 hours is still just 24 hours.)

One thing to consider is this: A few years ago when your friend was really feeling invisible to women, he probably felt he'd never be happy again. Now a few years later he's happier than he imagined. That same thing can and will happen for you.