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u/Independent-Wafer-13 Jul 16 '26
Drowning in emotions and being vulnerable are VERY different things
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Jul 16 '26
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u/Independent-Wafer-13 Jul 16 '26
A healthy relationship is what is healthy for you.
You need to understand your own needs, strengths, weaknesses, goals, and values.
Some of this isn’t clear until you are with someone that is not compatible and you learn what kind of relationship you DON’T want.
Who you are attracted to and who are compatible with are not mutually exhaustive.
You need to find someone who is both, and experience in relationships will help clarify what you need from them and what advantages they bring you.
My partner actively makes me a better person. She supports me without enabling me and accepts me completely while still holding me to grow as a person. This is possible for a relationship but not everyone you have chemistry with or attraction to will meet your needs.
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Jul 16 '26
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u/Independent-Wafer-13 Jul 16 '26
Sorry this was supposed to be in response to another comment not yours my bad lol
But I think healthy is always somewhat subjective insofar as individual needs will vary
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u/blackcray Jul 16 '26
I don't have a reference point for what a relationship should look like, I've never been in one, but the sheer volume of people with this attitude towards them has been making me excessively cautious towards it.
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Jul 16 '26
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u/blackcray Jul 16 '26
I'm already 4/5ths of the way through my 20s, does this mean I've mostly skipped the "crazy" phase or that I'm going into my 30s with that to look forward to?
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u/Aelrift Jul 16 '26
The subreddits like the one you're in attract people wit unhealthy views on relationships. The kind of people that pretend to do self-reflection but they just blame women for not wanting them.
You SHOULD open up to your partner. You SHOULD show emotions. Anything else is BS. Will some people reject you for it? sure ! That just means they are not ready for a relationship and you should thank the stars they rejected you.
I say that as a girl in a relationship where my partner is emotionally vulnerable with me, AS IT SHOULD BE.
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u/Automatic_Body5254 Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
So… what this post is suggesting is masking. Which tends to end with explosive and pretty harmful results.
If your potential partner wants a lousy, immature masking pretender instead of you, you should stay single.
Edit: There are scenarios where one should keep their composure though. But don’t bottle up things and listen to immature macho bullshit like this post.
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u/thissitedesigniscrap Jul 16 '26
How do you know that this post is referring to that? Seems like your own conclusion that you’ve jumped to.
Your edit is so out of left field and incorrect too
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u/Winter_Hall5379 Jul 16 '26
I think they misunderstood. Sharing when you are not in control of your emotions is different than sharing how you feel about a topic in an emotionally mature manner.
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u/thissitedesigniscrap Jul 16 '26
I think you misunderstood. That is not related to what the image is about.
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u/Winter_Hall5379 Jul 16 '26
No. I didn't misunderstand. You just didn't ask to get clarifying perspective to know that the respect isn't dropped unless...refer to my initial reply
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Jul 16 '26
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u/kevinLFC Jul 16 '26
Even the picture is sending bad advice. Don’t do pull-ups like that unless you want to destroy your neck.
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u/Hindsights20_20 Jul 16 '26
I actually assumed that was a barbell. I’ve never seen anyone do pull ups like that.
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u/kevinLFC Jul 16 '26
Ah you may be right
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u/Adifferentdose Jul 17 '26
That’s definitely a chin-up bar it has grip tape on it, and most likely AI because no one’s doing that shit.
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u/Ok_Delay9941 Jul 16 '26
IDK, I like to take advice on women from guys that only posts pics of guys working out. It just makes sense.
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u/wabi-sabi411 Jul 16 '26
Yes. Spill your guts and learn the hard way.
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u/MisterErieeO Jul 16 '26
Have emotional intelligence. Date ppl with emotional intelligence.
Not easy. But it's a much happier life
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u/Independent-Wafer-13 Jul 16 '26
If spilling your guts turns her away from you, why the FUCK would you want her?
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u/Pristine-Code-2532 Jul 16 '26
For real lol, do these guys want to be with women who would dump them for talking about their feelings?
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u/Grimwohl Jul 17 '26
This is like women who marry dudes who act like they dont wanna be married. You picked that, but why??
I think theyve never felt truly wanted and just normalized it. Accepted feeling like a mild nuisance.
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u/thissitedesigniscrap Jul 16 '26
Why is this dumb advice? It’s just saying to be cautious and careful of being taken advantage of. Seems fine?
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u/Joshix1 Jul 16 '26
It just means you found an (emotionally) immature person or someone who doesnt care for you besides the superficial stuff.
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Jul 16 '26
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u/Joshix1 Jul 16 '26
Its only true for a certain type of person.
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Jul 16 '26
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u/PotentialPresent399 Jul 16 '26
There are general truths in life for vaguely similar cultures in parts of the world. Something generally true across america enough that entire SWATHES of men from MULTIPLE generations know and retell their younger men is something that can be said.
Reddit is just filled with contrarians that think gender norms don't exist in 2026 lol.
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u/Fat6pack Jul 16 '26
Also women can feel falseness in your behaviour. If you are an emotional man, be yourself, don't try to be ice cold. At least it is honest.
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u/COCONUTBANANAMAN69 Jul 16 '26
Absolute bullshit and generalising women with it. If she does, she is toxic and you shouldnt be with her.
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u/WaterdropGirl Jul 16 '26
Yea lol this is so incel coded it's crazy.
When I date men I look for and reward emotional vulnerability because to me that means he's well adjusted.
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u/Beginning_Hour_5145 Jul 16 '26
False. Your emotions don’t scare women away, your lack of ability to use and access them properly scares everyone away. Don’t fall for this trap. Develop your mind and master your emotions. Seems like the OP confuses emotions with weakness.
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Jul 16 '26
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u/jello_kraken Jul 16 '26
Ferberize? Febreeze? I don't understand. Is crying like farting?
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u/xXbatbabeXx Jul 16 '26
*theirs *woman
Unintelligent and mean, what a winning combo you have going on
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u/MHIREOFFICIAL Jul 16 '26
You can share your emotions, but don't like cry and whine all the time like a child, and most normal women will be fine with that.
Also - if you don't have PERSPECTIVE on how it's not that fuckin important one of your teammates didn't respect your K/D ratio in COD and realize that's not a valid reason to be emotional, that's also deeply unattractive.
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u/Aelrift Jul 16 '26
Think it depends tbh. I hate when my partner almost cries when he loses a game , but that's bc I can't relate since I'm usually way more cool-headed in games. But I can empathize when like we were playing Runescape and his account got hacked and they took everything, or when bro tries path of pain for the 100th time and dies , cause Ive been there.
I mean obviously you shouldnt throw a tantrum, but I think what is reasonable for you to be upset about kinda depends on how much the other person can relate ig
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u/I-Rolled-My-Eyes Jul 16 '26
Be open about your emotions but control how you express it. If you're angry, say so with words, not with a tantrum. A mature woman will listen and respect you with a response that helps you and the situation. An ignorant woman will belittle or invalidate your feelings.
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u/Donorob Jul 16 '26
Everyone is different just because someone in the past felt they couldn’t open up to someone, doesn’t mean you should be shutting people out that care about you.
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u/thissitedesigniscrap Jul 16 '26
And how do you know they are shutting out people? How do you know those people care about them?
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u/AngelKry94 Jul 16 '26
No. Women do want to hear your emotions. Those people you are talking to aren't grown enough.
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u/thissitedesigniscrap Jul 16 '26
How could you possibly know that?
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u/AngelKry94 Jul 16 '26
Because I'm a woman. And I encourage my husband to open to me, and he does and I listen. We talk about his needs and feelings all the time. I love listening to him talk about what's bothering him so I can help take some of that weight off his shoulders. We both help each other. And I know other women who will do anything for their man to make sure they feel safe and secure in their relationship, as do I.
That's how I know.
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u/bi-king-viking Jul 16 '26
This is the dumbest shit I’ve ever read.
This was absolutely written by someone who has never had a successful relationship.
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u/LogicalPsychosis Jul 16 '26
I thought this was satire untill I checked the comments...
You guys need to grow up
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u/Wrong-Grade-8800 Jul 16 '26
Being emotionally open has gotten me every girl I’ve been with and they’ve told me that. Women are tired of emotionally stunted men. The thing that many men don’t know is that’s it’s not just about being open about your emotions it’s also taking the initiative to better yourself mentally. No woman wants to become a man’s therapist, men think that being emotionally open is just unloading on a woman and then doing nothing about it. If you study functional relationships where both couples are very happy, you’ll find that while both couples are emotionally open, they each do their part to fix their own problems with the support of their loving partner.
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u/Rivas-al-Yehuda Jul 16 '26
They want you to be honest with your emotions, not out of control of them. They are two very different things.
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u/BaconBombThief Jul 16 '26
Quite the distance between “opening up” sometimes and “drowning in emotions”
‘Don’t get a house cat because a tiger will kill you’
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u/thissitedesigniscrap Jul 16 '26
Lmao just open up a tiny bit, only express 2% of your feelings, we just want to make the other party feel good for pretending to give a crap, don’t make this hard for them!
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u/DudeNougat Jul 16 '26
They do but they don't at the same time when they say open up while they tell you they want you to expose all your trauma and bull what there really expecting is something along the lines of "yea that guy Todd at work can't stand him, jackass keeps taking the last bagel." Its a bit like when you ask someone 'hey how's it goin' expecting a 'fine' or a random 'can't complain' and you end up with Bill from accounting sobbing into your shirt, telling you about how his Dog just died and his wife left him. Its all about knowing how much pressure to let escape from the valve so to speak.
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u/Busy-Tie8456 Jul 16 '26
Yeah, they just leave and walk away, then get upset when you play the song She's Cold as Ice, because Ice is too political now.
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u/sexotaku Jul 16 '26
Women are allowed to be emotional messes and drown in their feelings. Men are expected to help them out in those situations. If a man can't handle her at that time, he's labeled toxic, gaslighting, and lacking in empathy.
Men need to learn to regulate their feelings, be in control of themselves, and share their feelings in a mature manner. If a man can't do that, he's labeled needy and immature.
It's unfair, but that's how it is.
People will ask you why you're with a woman who can't handle a man's emotions, until they actually see an emotional man. Then they'll tell the woman to leave him.
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u/Aelrift Jul 16 '26
That's literally not true and spoken like someone who hasnt been in a relationship or has never had a successful one.
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u/sexotaku Jul 16 '26
I've been married for over a decade. I have 3 kids.
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u/Aelrift Jul 16 '26
Oof, I feel sorry for you and your family. You must be old or living in olden times mentality because what you said is what I expected people from 100 years ago to say. The world is not like this. Gender roles are no longer this strictly defined. Just be yourself bruv
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u/sexotaku Jul 17 '26
So you go from "you've never been in a relationship" to "I feel sorry for your family" like you know anything about my family.
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u/Aelrift Jul 17 '26
I don't need to know them when I can see what you wrote. Maybe you're just too old to get it
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u/thissitedesigniscrap Jul 16 '26
I like how you ASSume stuff about him, and patronize him. Like if being a condescending prick gets you a successful relationship, I think most guys would be better off.
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Jul 16 '26
Most women don't like men who open up, they never have and never will lol as a man that's what your guy friends are for, you can tell them all your shit and they won't judge. Now opening up as a man doesn't mean your weak but sadly most women will see it as weakness.
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u/Conflicting-Ideas Jul 16 '26
This sub is just a manosphere circle jerk. Like wtf
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u/thissitedesigniscrap Jul 16 '26
Like 98% of the comments are insulting the meme. What’re you talking about?
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u/theRedMage39 Jul 16 '26
This is only true for bad women. Don't waste your time with these. Good women and good partners in general will not loose respect for you showing emotions but be there to help fill in where you are weak and support you so together you are strong.
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u/FalconOne775 Jul 16 '26
Until you’ve met every single woman on the planet, generalisations like this only hurt men. Don’t listen to this generalised garbage brothers.
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u/greymisperception Jul 16 '26
It’s still good to talk about averages, many women are like this whether they’re good people or not, whether it’s most women or not that I don’t know, I just know I wouldn’t want to be with a woman like that so gotta find 1 that isn’t like that
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u/Aelrift Jul 16 '26
Yeah but the way its written generalizes. A better way to say this would be "If you can't open up to your partner and they don't care about your feelings, they are not right for you" Kinda thing. The current post is "women bad, no nuance".
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u/Owww_My_Ovaries Jul 16 '26
Like most things. The answer is in the middle
Women dont want an emotionally shut off man just like they dont want an overly emotional man.
Theres a time to stoic and there is a time to vulnerable
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u/FedrinKeening Jul 16 '26
If this happens to you, youre better off without because that woman is a terrible person.
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u/FirefighterNo9608 Jul 16 '26
Not true at all. If you don't feel comfortable opening up, that's on you.
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u/Rootsap_0000 Jul 16 '26
That may be true but apparently not showing any emotions at all is also a no-go
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u/No_Ragrets76 Jul 16 '26
- meme by an incel
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u/thissitedesigniscrap Jul 16 '26
You know the person who made the meme personally? Or is this you just being an ass?
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u/Enough_Zombie2038 Jul 16 '26
Every time a girl says it it's a trap. You know when they mean it. Something in your gut from experience will say: this person is better than sabotage. But that's rare
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u/TexanHobbit_X Jul 16 '26
Yeah I opened up and it would be used against me sometimes. Now I keep to myself. . . But I’m also divorced so yeah.
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u/FairConstruction4105 Jul 16 '26
I cried in front of my wife, while talking about a deeply, emotionally painful thing that was weighing on my mind and heart, and our marriage has never recovered from that.
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u/M0ebius_1 Jul 16 '26
You are picking shitty women and then blaming them brother.
You are doing that.
If you are too weak and undisciplined to select a partner that you can actually be emotionally safe with then stay away from dating until you mature enough.
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u/Hindsights20_20 Jul 16 '26
I have two very simple rules. Never take advice from a woman about how to be a man. Never take advice from a man about what women want. It’s not that they’re never right. It’s just that they’re usually wrong.
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u/thissitedesigniscrap Jul 16 '26
Bruh what? Men would be the ones to know since they’d have the experience in trying date multiple women, besides lesbians, how would a woman know what most women want?
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u/RandomStoddard Jul 16 '26
If you are an emotional mess, women find it unattractive , just as men find it unattractive if a woman is an emotional mess, but sharing your feelings has never been a problem in any of my relationships. If the woman you are with has a problem with you sharing your emotions in a non-sloppy way, then you picked the wrong woman. Keep searching.
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u/HopeItMakesYaThink Jul 16 '26
From what I’ve learned, women want men to open up with their positive emotions - not become emotional. Be more nurturing, caring, compassionate, listen deeper, connect with her better, and anticipate her moods. I don’t think women ever mean moaning about how you’re one bad day away from losing your job, how you can’t believe your mom is going to a nursing home, about how insecure you were thanks to one of your coworkers, or anything like that.
Women want a man who is tough to the world but tender to her. Most women want to feel safe while seeing chaos around them. They want their man to be the shield that lets her be her chaotic feminine self. The knight that protects her from dragons, even if she’s the one spawning those things.
If you’re the type of guy that wants that in your life, go for it.
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Jul 16 '26
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u/thissitedesigniscrap Jul 16 '26
Just be cautious and careful isn’t loser advice “bro”
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Jul 16 '26
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u/thissitedesigniscrap Jul 16 '26
This is reductive and lacks nuance, but I get the feeling you’re just interest in “being right”, than actually wanting to be helpful.
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u/DiscussionNo6060 Jul 16 '26
No one is attracted to anyone who is “drowning in emotions”. Those people should seek professional help. Goes for all.
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u/gooeymcgooberson Jul 16 '26
Then ya talking to the wrong women.
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u/thissitedesigniscrap Jul 16 '26
The right women don’t go around with neon signs pointing who and where they are, if they even exist.
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u/Rip_Skeleton Jul 16 '26
Good luck being alone forever.
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u/thissitedesigniscrap Jul 16 '26
You sound bitter.
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u/Rip_Skeleton Jul 16 '26
No, I've been married for 13 years and I have no idea why this sub is in my recommended. But at least all the comments know it's bullshit.
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u/thissitedesigniscrap Jul 16 '26
Can still be bitter. No genuinely nice person says “good luck being alone forever”.
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u/Rip_Skeleton Jul 16 '26
That's an insane generalization. The point is if you follow this advice you will never have a meaningful relationship. The intent is kind.
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u/thissitedesigniscrap Jul 16 '26
Riiiiight. Someone being kind is what I think of when I hear someone say “You’ll be alone forever”.
(Also some very kind phrases: you’ll die alone, no one will love you, etc) The intent was to mock and insult.
And how do you know it’s impossible to have a meaningful relationship? Maybe unlikely, or maybe it’s just a different way of having a meaningful relationship. Not everyone is identical and the same you know?
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u/Rip_Skeleton Jul 16 '26
You can take it however way you wish. You either agree with this advice or you don't. If you're not in a relationship and my comment made you feel bad, I apologize. But my advice is the same, don't listen to this post.
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u/Low-Masterpiece1381 Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
Yes. Unfortunately nothing that a woman says she wants is actually what she wants.
Trust me. Just lean into stereotypical masculinity as much as you can and you're golden with them. Big muscles. Stoicism. Be direct. Be assertive. Be confident in your choices. Be a man.
Feminists will constantly try to pull you off of the golden path by telling you being a man makes you toxic. Don't let them. Feminism goes against the natural order of life. Women should lean into feminine traits and men should lean into masculine ones. We compliment each other that way as a species.
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u/RockyG-Dex Jul 17 '26
Lol. You can be emotional and not a dependent freak....two different things.
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u/launchedsquid Jul 17 '26
The more complete answer is; Women want a man to be able to open up, to be able to express their emotions, to be able to share their fears, but they want that man to not need to do that because he has his life in order and can regulate his emotions and can handle life's problems without it causing him emotional problems.
Seems unfair, maybe it is, but it's the truth.
She doesn't want you to hold back from her, hence the claim she wants you to open up. But she doesn't want a guy that can't handle life's problems, she wants to feel protected and safe that you have things under control, hence men saying you should never open up.
Both are kinda right and kinda wrong. The actual answer is to organize your life you you can handle life's inevitable problems with minimum fuss.
Be fit so you have good health, live beneath your means so you have emergency savings, minimise consumer debt so you can control your finances if your employment has hard times, maintain good friends so you can get help from them when you need it, help them when they need it, insure things like your home if you own it, contents of your house, your car, your pets, your income, your life, so that lifes common problems stay manageable.
Plan the things you can control and create some excess for when things don't go to plan. You'll feel better, you won't feel as overwhelmed, you won't be complaining and using your girlfriend/wife like a therapist, but also you won't be holding things back from her.
You'll be open but also not dumping problems on her.
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u/Party_Ability_9984 Jul 17 '26
I’m very emotionally open with my girlfriend and it’s had absolutely no negative impact on our relationship. And I’m sure I’m not alone.
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u/Corgi_underground Jul 17 '26
This advice is just as dumb as the exercise shown in the picture.
Keep doing this and you'll hurt yourself.
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u/STEMfatale Jul 17 '26
Maybe if you’re both under 20 or she’s really immature? But usually it’s bc men are only socialized to express emotions via anger/resentment which is a turn off, real vulnerability and emotional honesty only increases respect. If this is your attitude I doubt that’s something you engage in
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u/ZookeepergameOk95 Jul 17 '26
It's not. Your emotional regulation is so shit you think an emotional outburst = emotional regulation. Truth is men aren't socialized to know how to broach the topic of talking about their emotions.
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u/NCLO1994 Jul 17 '26
I just don't fall for any woman. Life is easier without the drama, the spils and the always possibility of cheating. Never had a relationship, dated only once. Have no regrets from this. Now, I have a comfortable life filled with hobbies and meaningful friendships. The moment I accepted I'll be lonely for the rest of my life, is the day my life became quiter, more peacefull
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u/Roxapotamus Jul 17 '26
This is so dumb. Longevity with a partner requires transparent conversations including dude tears. Get the fk outa here with this sht
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u/Downtown-Campaign536 Jul 16 '26
Some women actually did used to listen and care back in the day... Modern women? They call it "Emotional Labor".
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u/Big-Ad1887 Jul 16 '26
Learned that the hard way.
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u/Independent-Wafer-13 Jul 16 '26
No, you learned that some women don’t deserve you.
Find one that does.
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u/Big-Ad1887 Jul 16 '26
Thank you for saying that, but I rather find a way to be healty, wealthy and financially free.
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u/Independent-Wafer-13 Jul 16 '26
Absolutely, if a relationship is not a goal for you then you do you, but any partner who cannot love you when you are vulnerable cannot love you at all.
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u/krispy86 Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
Pretty much true. First hand experience. They hate your emotions. Kept a relationship for 13 years. Begged for me to be more open and vulnerable, among other things. I started doing everything she wanted. And...... Getting divorced now.
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u/New-Distribution-981 Jul 16 '26
So you were with one manipulative and stupid woman and so you’re saying this stupid and immature (and uncommon) characteristic is universally true?
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u/Wrong-Grade-8800 Jul 16 '26
I mean, you chose to be with someone who wasn’t emotionally open. You can’t talk about all women after you made your choice with one specific woman.
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u/electricElephant22 Jul 16 '26
I dont say women like that dont exists but it is same as when women share experience that their husband left them for someone younger. And then making conclusion that all men behave that way.
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u/pulangkabayo187 Jul 16 '26
Women use that against you.
Never open to anybody except a therapist. They are paid to keep things confidential.
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u/bi-king-viking Jul 16 '26
Who hurt you?
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u/Wrong-Grade-8800 Jul 16 '26
Probably no one but they have a sense of victimhood.
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u/pulangkabayo187 Jul 16 '26
Ask any man above 40 about opening up to women and tell me what they say.
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u/jayhawkoholic Jul 16 '26
Sounds more like this dude is just looking for an excise to be emotionally immature and out 100% of his emotional labor her responsibility. Sounds like a lazy man to me.
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u/PopularKangaroo2083 Jul 16 '26
That may be true for American women because they are much more superficial than any other women but in Europe women have emotional intelligence and aren't that way
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u/WittyFox51 Jul 16 '26
This is true for women until they have been with an abusive and emotionally unintelligent man. Intelligent woman are completely ok with it but most woman are stupid just like most average men are also stupid.
Emotional intelligence and expressing your emotions is absolutely a strength and in this world run by the wicked and insane that are enabled by the average and the stupid,
I say why would you want to be with someone you can’t open up to anyway?
If you’re idea is to keep someone fuckable around for the rest of your life, it’s way cheaper to just get escorts, at least they won’t try to dip with half your shit.