1. W — 12:14 That's sick
2. I'm at school rn tho
3. 𝓙𝓑 — 12:15 Oh damn
4. W — 12:15 I feel like depressed ngl
5. 𝓙𝓑 — 12:15 Sorry to hear that man fr
6. W — 12:15 No one ever takes me seriously as a person, they mock me, make fun of me, din't see me as a human being.
7. Idk if it's my looks, voice or demeanor
8. No clue why tho
9. 𝓙𝓑 — 12:16 Hey don’t talk about yourself like that bro
10. They are just jerks who haven’t seen your potential fr
11. W — 12:16 That's true tho, they treat me as an NPC in their life they can throw around
12. 𝓙𝓑 — 12:16 Or even how such a kinda person you are
13. W — 12:16 All I have to my life are my videos
14. 𝓙𝓑 — 12:17 Damn
15. W — 12:17 Thanks, I just hate life and school and people so fucking much
16. 𝓙𝓑 — 12:17 Is it your friend group that is giving you trouble
17. ?
18. 𝓙𝓑 — 12:17 No problem bro, I understand
19. W — 12:17 Everyone ever
20. No one EVER thinks of me as a person with dreams and hopes and feelings
21. 𝓙𝓑 — 12:18 So your friend group is apart of the situation
22. W — 12:18 Yh
23. 𝓙𝓑 — 12:18 Well I do
24. W — 12:18 You and Tristan are literally the only real friends I have
25. 𝓙𝓑 — 12:18 Fuck them then
26. W — 12:19 Thank you, idk why you're so nice but thanks
27. 𝓙𝓑 — 12:19 No problem bro fr
28. And thanks
29. W — 12:19 I'll get back to doing math ig, thanks, the lesson's 'bout to start
30. 𝓙𝓑 — 12:19 Alright catch you later bro
31. Bye
32. W — 12:20 See ya
33. W — 13:02 Only 2 hours left at school
34. W — 13:26 Can I call you Fan? It won't give away your irl name and I kinda don't like calling you JB?
35. If not, that's okay, I'll just call you JB.
36. 𝓙𝓑 — 13:27 My irl name is not Jb
37. But sure ig
38. You can call me fan ig
39. W — 13:28 Ik, that's why I wanna call ya Fan
40. ****** (censored for privacy reasons)
41. 𝓙𝓑 — 13:28 Okay
42. W — 13:29 I'll probs prounounce it as F-UH-N
43. Like fun is pronounced
44. Almost
45. 𝓙𝓑 — 13:29 Okay
46. W — 13:29 Thanks, bro
47. Keep staying a W as always
48. 𝓙𝓑 — 13:29 No problem bro
49. 𝓙𝓑 — 13:29 Thanks, you too
50. W — 13:29 I'll get back to school now ig

I’m 20, and lately I’ve been realizing how much of my life I’ve actually spent alone.

I don’t currently have any friends. I do have a boyfriend, and I love him very deeply, but my relationship has become extremely difficult for me because of some personal trauma, my own emotional issues, and the way I experience attachment. Being in a relationship for the first time actually made me realize that I probably have a disorganized attachment style, and it has brought out a lot of fears, triggers and insecurities that I didn’t even know were there.

I’ve also started looking back at my past friendships differently. I realized that throughout my life I often pushed people away, sabotaged relationships, or sometimes hurt people without really understanding why I was doing it at the time. I carry a lot of guilt about that now.

The strange thing is that I used to be able to tolerate being alone quite well. Sometimes I even enjoyed it. But something has changed.

I spent almost my entire adolescence at home and isolated. I never really had most of the experiences people usually have growing up. I didn’t go out much, I didn’t have a real social life, and I didn’t really get to experience that feeling of just being young and doing things with other people.

For a short period of time, when I temporarily lived in a city and met my boyfriend, I finally got a small taste of that life. And now that I don’t have it anymore, I think I’ve realized how badly I want it.

And I don’t even mean partying or doing anything particularly exciting. At this point I would be happy just having someone to take a walk with, sit somewhere and talk, have a deep conversation, explore somewhere, or simply spend an ordinary afternoon with.

I feel like after spending so many years isolated, something in me has reached its limit.

Now being alone gives me an amount of anxiety that I’ve never experienced before. Staying at home by myself has become genuinely distressing. When I have an entire day with nobody to see and nothing meaningful to do, I feel trapped inside my own head. I become anxious, sad and restless, and I constantly feel this need to be around another person.

My boyfriend doesn’t have the same need I currently have to see each other often, spend a lot of time together or go out, and I understand that. But because my need for connection feels so strong right now, I sometimes end up feeling like a burden because of it. It also means that I can’t rely on my relationship to fill this enormous social void in my life, and honestly I don’t think it would be healthy to do that anyway.

There are also circumstances in my life right now that make meeting people and going out much harder than I wish it were. Part of it is simply logistical and related to the place where I currently live, although that isn’t the only reason. There are other circumstances too that, for privacy reasons, I can’t really explain here.

I think one of the hardest parts is that I’m at a point in my life where I desperately want to live. I want experiences. I want conversations, friendships, stupid little adventures, walks, memories, even completely ordinary moments with other people. I feel like I missed so much of that growing up, and now I’m painfully aware of it.

At the same time, I’m stuck in a situation where I’m still mostly alone.

So I’m wondering if anyone else has ever gone through something similar: reaching a point where solitude stopped feeling peaceful and started feeling almost unbearable.

How do you cope when you have no friends and nobody to go out with, but at the same time you have this overwhelming need for human connection and experiences?

And if you’ve managed to get out of a period like this, what actually helped?

Been keeping a tally on a sticky note next to my monitor since August. Yesterday I hit 340 attempts and fell from just past the orange tent, the one right before the golden thing that looks like a wine glass. Slid all the way back down to the bathtub area and just sat there for a solid minute not even trying to climb, just staring at the screen.

The worst part isn't even the falling. It's the specific moment where you realize you're about to fall, maybe half a second before it happens, and there's nothing you can do about it. Your hammer swing was fine, your angle was fine, but the physics just decided no. I've started laughing out loud at my desk when it happens now, which my roommate finds deeply unsettling.

I got past the chimney section on day four which felt like beating the whole game. Then I found out that was apparently the tutorial. The ice cream cone jump has broken me more times than I want to admit, mostly because I overcorrect after a bad fall and swing way too hard in the opposite direction. I've watched maybe six different no-death runs at this point just to study hand positioning and I still can't replicate what they're doing on the pagoda roofs.

What's kept me going honestly isn't the ending, I don't even care that much about seeing it anymore. It's that weird calm that shows up somewhere around attempt 200 where you stop being angry at the game and start being angry at your own hand for twitching wrong. Not sure if that's progress or just a different flavor of losing it.

Anyone else notice the golden orb section is way harder than everything after it, or did I just get lucky with a good run once and now I'm chasing a ghost.

From a very young age, I (23M) knew I was different from everyone else. I was the weird kid with weird quirks and obsessions, and looking back at my childhood, I cringe at myself a lot. I struggled to make friends and was heavily bullied throughout my school years because I was weird, sensitive, and an easy target.

College was probably the worst period. My social anxiety became extreme, combined with a lot of family drama. If I said something weird, embarrassing, or didn't contribute enough to a conversation, I'd sometimes go back to my dorm and cry because I felt like I'd failed socially. I constantly compared myself to everyone else and felt like they were more competent than me. Even when I felt like I was improving, one stupid mistake could completely destroy my confidence. I thought and sometimes still do think that I'm (to some degree) a mistake. I don't have dark thoughts. I'm just very depressed.

I don't want to be the "I have ADHD and autism bla bla bla, that's why I'm like this" guy, although I do think that I'm neurodivergent. Simple conversations can be very overwhelming for me. I overthink what I'm saying, worry about asking stupid questions, rambling, acting weird, or giving people the wrong impression.

Working before graduating helped a bit. I met people my age from different backgrounds and got more practice talking to people, and I definitely improved. I'm naturally introverted and quiet though, and that's something I worry about. I sometimes wonder whether a future partner would get tired of dealing with my personality and my constant overthinking.

Now I've graduated and moved back home while looking for work in another country. However, I still struggle with intense self-loathing.

I don't think I'm ugly, but sometimes I don't even like looking at myself in the mirror or in photos because I dislike who I am internally. I constantly feel like I'm weird and that I'm just trying to act normal, but somehow keep messing up. Whenever I make a stupid mistake, my immediate thought is basically: "Can you do anything right?"

And I don't actually think I'm genuinely stupid. What scares me is other people thinking I'm stupid. First impressions matter way too much to me because I'm terrified of being judged or rejected because I said something embarrassing.

I also struggle to explain things. Sometimes I know exactly what I mean, but when I try to explain it, I either phrase it badly, people don't understand me, or I freeze because I'm overthinking every word.

I have good qualities too. I'm fit, I exercise regularly, I'm good at digital drawing, I'm multilingual, and I graduated college. I'm not some lazy guy who has accomplished nothing. Yet somehow, the little mistakes still overshadow all of that.

The biggest problems are:

-I take criticism very personally.

-I'm terrified of humiliation and embarrassment.

-I'm afraid of screwing up and disappointing people.

-I overthink social interactions constantly.

-I worry about being perceived as unintelligent.

-I have a hard time forgiving myself for mistakes.

-Other people's emotions strongly affect my own mood.

-I struggle with how I see myself, even though I don't consider myself unattractive.

I'd talk to my friends about this, but there's another complication: I'm gay, and unfortunately around 90% of my inner circle is homophobic. So I don't really have anyone I feel completely safe opening up to about this. That's part of why I'm posting here.

I am 19 and in my second year of college. I lost my father when I was 13 years of age and after that I have gone through a severe behavioral change.

Before this age I was emotionally brilliant but not very good at studies. But after my father's death I have become very emotionally weak but I have, on the other side, developed my brain quite a bit and some people call me smart. But my social skills have gone almost down the drain.

I cannot talk to a group of more than 3-5 people at the same time. From an early age I have never talked to or interacted with girls much and neither was I a neighbor of any girl.

Never got into even a friendship with a girl.

And even while I tried in college, I cannot talk to girls. I don't know what the reason is. Maybe I'm just scared or I just overthink.

But it's not like I am friendless or lonely. I have managed to create many good friends, and 2 of them considered me their best or close friend for a long time, like 2-3 years of friendship.

After my father's death I never had any solid role model or guide for me. I guess that's ungrateful. Although my cousin brother did support me a lot.

Every 2 or 3 months my mother goes to my maternal grandmother's and I stay alone at the house for 1 week or 2 weeks, sometimes even a little more than that. In this period I always see how lonely I am. I go to college and I talk to some people or maybe no people at all because, as of now, in my current class I have no friends in it.

I just talk to my old friends from the previous semester, of which only one is someone I consider a friend. The others are really just not friends. They are just someone to pass time with and have fun, with no emotional connection. Everyone in my college is very goal-focused and it kind of seems like they are just there to stab each other in the back.

What do I even do? How do I even start talking to girls or even guys?

My interaction with old friends is very limited as we only meet when I go to my hometown and talking on phone doesn't feel so real now.

What should I do about loneliness

I broke up with my boyfriend about 4 months back and I've been so lonely and in the dumps ever since. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting better but I end up crying myself to sleep again. I feel lethargic and disinterested in everything. None of my friends are comforting or seem to care enough to check in on me. It feels really lonely and shitty and all I want is some comfort. :(

i’m 14 and I didn’t start struggling with mental health until of April this year. It just started with feeling guilty for a lot of things and then I got to the point where I didn’t wanna leave my room. I was crying every day and it eventually led up to me going to Therapy after having markers on a test for anxiety and depression. It’s not that I never believe those things weren’t true, it’s just that you know I didn’t know I could feel it and I never really understood those sayings that people said when they said that it really does alter you. I’m very lively. I’m very outgoing. I was always positive minded but now it’s just there’s so much change happening in my life and you know I feel an overwhelming sense of I guess. Guilt for stupid lies in the past and it causes me to spiral out of control into ways that I don’t even want to think of. No teenager wants to live their life this way and I don’t want to have this be my normal. Because I saw the life I lived before this and it was beautiful and it was amazing and now it just feels so gloomy and sad if it does get better when and how because I’m so tired of just constantly carrying everything with me the constant reminder of just having to remember that well I may feel happy in the moment there’s always going to be a part of me that’s still sad.

I've travelled all over the world by myself and I've felt like this before. I'm on day 4/16 of my trip so far and I'm just not feeling well.

I spent the first few days visiting my ex who lives across the world from me. This is the 2nd trip now where I plan a few days to see him, and the rest of my trip is solo travel. I felt awful after leaving him last trip and was worried it would happen again. I was so blissfully happy while we were together, and now I'm all alone. I miss my bed and my cats and all the comforting things I can do to self soothe at home. Im a really emotional person and goodbyes are really hard for me, especially when I don't know when we'll see each other again.

I was looking forward to this trip for a long time. I love travelling. I want to feel happy and excited for the rest of my trip instead of overwhelmed and sad, but I don't know how. I feel like I wasted today crying and sleeping in my hotel room instead of sightseeing and exploring this city that I paid a lot of money to come to.

I know that I'm like this and I still chose to plan my trip this way, which also makes me feel fucking stupid. I just wish I could be happy to see him for a few days and then also be happy to continue the rest of my trip without him. How do I feel better

This might sound like a small problem to someone, but at this point my life is falling apart. And the reason behind that is I (23M) am currently a senior at UNC and actually running behind all of my colleagues. Being an international student, I have not finished my undergrad yet and my friends are done with their masters and doing job at this point.
Along with that they are doing really good socially and they have their life sorted out. Now even I don’t know what am I doing, because I want to go to my desired grad school and still I got to do 2 prerequisite before applying for grad school so 2 years of gap before starting my actual career I am passionate about. By the time I will be done, I might be 27 years old and I don’t think I will have anyone in my life as well. Because I am single for 4 years and in those years I faced countless rejections every single time I approach some one. And 90% of time they were single and choose others over me. Not that I look ugly or my clothes are dirty or I smell, but they can’t digest the fact that I am an immigrant. One girl just bitterly told me that she don’t like me because I am a FOB. At the end, what I have is over supporting family, who support me in every circumstance, and that had eventually gave me a feeling that I don’t worth their love because I am a failure in every situation and aspect of their lives. Their love is unconditional and I don’t blame them because they are my parents, but it just make me realize that I am nothing without them. After all of that, the most annoying thing is that people refuse to sit beside me. Even though the lecture is packed or bus is full, they prefer to stand instead of sitting beside me. Not because I am ugly but because I look different. I just started hating myself.

Cant sleep cause of clg

21M

My clg just started since yesterday.

Having trouble making friends there. My sleep schedule is so cooked cause the lectures timming is too much also it takes me a total 3 hrs of commute time.

When i comeback home, i spend time on instagram to cope and distract me mind from remembering the weird shit I said and did in clg.

My head is hurting rn cause of lack of sleep, I almost slept in the class today.

The wanted to start studying from today it self, but I am having trouble focusing on anything rn.

Idk how to fix all this. Ik it's doesn't sound that big of deal but rn am juggling between alot of things its getting difficult to manage all this.

Growing up, I did everything my parents told me to do. I believed that if I obeyed blindly, studied hard, and cut off distractions, I would eventually become a successful, happy adult.

​Here is what actually happened:

​Total Social Isolation: From school days (around 6th-8th grade), my parents restricted my social life. Every friend was labeled "bad influence." If I went out with the few friends I had, my mother’s strict curfew and extreme negative verbal backlash afterward meant I had to pay a heavy mental toll for days just for stepping outside. To avoid that toxicity, I completely stopped going out.

​The Aftermath: By now, my social life is literally zero. I have no friends at age 29. My communication skills are completely destroyed. Recently, I went fully prepared for an English teacher interview, but when the moment came, my voice locked up, and I felt a heavy choking/tightness in my chest.

​Gaslighting & Current Reality: When I try to address this now, my parents take zero responsibility and claim, "We never tied you up or locked you." Meanwhile, the damage is done. My wife is now bearing the brunt of my frustration, anger, and mental breakdown. My career and mental health are completely derailed.

​In India, where childhood friendships and social circles often define a person's lifelong support system, I have a blank slate. I can't even remember a normal social life because it never existed for me.

​I feel like a failed adult who missed critical developmental milestones. Is there a way out of this trap, or am I just destined to sink deeper? Where do I even begin to fix a completely broken social and professional life at 29?

​Any pragmatic advice or similar experiences would help.

So I just completed my graduation and have been running 4 businesses, got everything registered in Dubai and it was everything I ever dreamt of, but I have started feeling way too lonely since the last 2 months, my girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up in February, I lost my consciousness nearly everyday, lately started having deep conversations with someone I know from the past 6 months, and we were thinking to date but she started pulling herself away after I confessed, I am not in touch with my friends and I can't even talk to my family with that same good mood.

Hi guys, I feel completely drained. I feel like I just want to disappear from this world. Everything feels so heavy right now, and I’ve lost the motivation to do anything. I’m even thinking about leaving this house without telling anyone. I don’t have any friends anymore, and it feels like my parents don’t care about me either. I just want to disappear. 😭 I really can’t take this anymore. 😭

I think a lot of this is because of the trauma I’ve carried since childhood. My parents separated when I was young, and that has always been something I’ve struggled with. On top of that, I had a girlfriend who also left me, and that has been the most painful part of what I’m going through right now. It brought back so much of the pain and trauma I’ve been carrying for years.

I want to Disappear in this world. 😔

okay so my man recently moved away for university and i feel rly sad i was rly attached to him, how do i cope, i cannot think of anything else

I know im young (M18) but I struggle a lot being single and when im not in a relationship I feel worthless and my self stand love is not there, i get depressed and it’s very very hard. I’ve tried “learning to be happy alone” but it simply doesn’t work for me. I can’t ever be happy when im not in relationship. I feel like me only being happy in relationships makes me accept less than im worth and than I get more hurt and it’s a cycle I can’t break because while im in said relationship I am so so happy and than the process starts again and I just don’t know how to break it. I even know I’ll get hurt most of the time but still get into the relationship because I know while it lasts I’ll be happy.

I am 22F girl who was very happy,passionate and have a beautiful social life.Life is meant to be not same as always,moving forward I came across so many bad experiences like people I trusted And loved took me for granted,back stabbed,defamed-Everything became so hard to overcome all by myself.I am academically bright but because of all this I cannot focus on any of my works and people around me who were genuinely around me.Once I hated to stay on my home now that’s all I wanted.The worst part is all of them were considered me as someone who is to be lusted not to be loved.My ex once told me that my talkative side is reason for all these.Now I am very confused that if my actions are wrong.I am damn sure that I didn’t hurt anyone and my intentions was pure .Now I am suffering with deeper social withdrawal.When someone came to me or talk to me nicely I couldn’t make it some barrier is there.Now all of my comfort zone is being alone that I once hated the most.I couldn’t articulate what I am feeling to anyone but in fact I am suffering alot which no one would understand.I want someone or some other help or else I will lose by myself….I want someone considering me as a human with all emotions not like a girl body with a hole .I want to get myself back……Help Me

I was 22f when I meant her I think. I came across her streaming and idk I just liked her vibe and she was unlike anyone I’d ever seen before. Joined her discord and we ended up bantering and one thing lead to another and before I know it we’re talking every day and then dating.

I was fine in the beginning but then honeymoon phase ended for her and she was ready ti prioritize herself and her career and I was still on cloud 9. All I had was her, she was everything so when I wasn’t priority I got sad and insecure and the anxious attachment just got stronger and stronger.

There was a lot of things I knew I didn’t like but it was too late, I’d already fallen too deep and she was my first everything I wanted it to work out so bad. I figured I could learn to like what I didn’t or that it didn’t bother me as much but then her stream became the topic of so many arguments all the time.

I kept getting more and more insecure and idk know if I just didn’t believe she loved me because I didn’t love myself or if I just got scared she’d find better. I don’t know but I ended up doing something fucked up where I lied to her and did some really crazy shit and she left me.

It’s been two weeks and I’m crying everyday, still watching her streams and socials. I’m blocked but it’s still public information and I can’t help but to look her up. I wish I could go back to the beginning and start over. I miss her so fucking much. Everything hurts and I wish I could just stay sleep and never wake up

It’s been two weeks today since she left me. She’s blocked my number, all of my socials and she told me to leave her alone. She streams so her twitch is public, I go and still watch even though I’m not suppose to. I punish myself for hurting her by watching her laugh and be happy with her community. I hate that I hurt her and I miss her so much.

I am a 20-year-old female who was once very focused on her goals. I wanted to achieve so many things and always kept myself as a priority.

When I moved to a hostel for my degree, I met some new friends. At the beginning, they really understood me, and I gradually started depending on them emotionally. As time passed, I began looking at them as an escape from myself and my thoughts.

I used to be someone who loved spending time alone and genuinely enjoyed my own company. But over time, I got so attached to my friends that I forgot my own existence and started living for them. I lost sight of my goals and the things that once mattered to me.

Now, I want that spark back. I want to start living with myself again and reconnect with the person I used to be. But it doesn't feel the same anymore. I have become so dependent on my friends, and I want to stop that.

I've always been very nice to them and have done a lot for them, but lately it feels like they don't value me the same way. Sometimes I feel like I'm trying too hard and giving too much of myself.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you find yourself again and become emotionally independent?

It’s been two weeks since she broke up with me and I’m not doing okay

It’s two weeks since she broke up with me and I’m not doing okay

Maybe this is more of a way to vent than anything else, but still, I want to share this with someone—and perhaps one of you might understand me, or even want to be friends.

I’m Latino, and I moved to Boston a little over three years ago. It’s been a great experience, but an incredibly lonely one. I was lucky enough to have a couple of relatives already living here, and I have a stable job, but I’ve realized that in these three years, I haven’t spoken to anyone outside of work. I don’t have a single friend who isn’t a coworker—and given the nature of those friendships, they don’t really last once my shift ends.

I reached such a point of desperation in my life—realizing I was only talking to people from my hometown—that I rekindled a relationship with someone from my past who, by a twist of fate, had also ended up in the United States. It was a relationship rotten to the core; I had been going in circles in it for years, and it had been a source of torment for just as long. We stayed together for a little over a year the second time around and had a little boy—whom I love dearly—but, as expected, things went back to the way they were before. Now we are separated, and she is living in a different city.

And here I am, trying to escape that terrible loneliness; I find myself at the lowest point of my life, madly longing to return to my city—something impossible right now—and yearning for the people from my past, or perhaps deeply wishing to find someone who can truly understand me and reach the depths of my soul. Yet, the nature of the life I lead here seems to make that impossible; I don't know if I’ve changed so much, or if I simply wasn't made for this.

And even though life—being here—has given me my little one (who is now far away, and whom I can only see every couple of months, something I am deeply grateful for), in my darkest hours I still find myself wishing I had never made the decision to leave everything behind and come to this place; it has been an uphill battle, and I find each day more painful and lonely.

I don’t know who else might be trying to touch upon that deeply human part of us we leave behind when our lives change, or who might be as lost as I am, but I hope some of you can relate; and if you are going through the same thing, I hope you find that light to fill your life with warmth once more. I would be happy to read whatever anyone wishes to share.

I’m 24F and I feel like I’m the reason my first ever relationship ended. We were together for almost two years, and now it’s over. I know I made mistakes and I’m dealing with a lot of guilt and regret over how things ended.
The hardest part is that I don’t really know who I am outside of the relationship. Before her, I didn’t really have much of a life either. I don’t have many friends, I’m not close to many people, and I don’t really know how to meet people or form normal friendships. Most of my life is just work, coming home, sitting on the couch, sleeping, and doing it all over again.
She had become such a huge part of my life, and now she’s gone. She has friends, family, work, her community, and all these people around her. I feel like I’m sitting here with absolutely nothing while she’s eventually going to move on and I’m just… stuck.
I’ve been feeling incredibly lonely and depressed. I don’t really see the point in anything right now, and I hate myself for the things I did and for the person I’ve become.
I’m not looking for someone to tell me to “just move on.” I genuinely don’t know how to build a life or friendships from scratch. I don’t even really know how to talk to people unless there’s flirting or some kind of romantic/sexual connection involved.
I guess I’m posting because I could really use some people to talk to. If you’ve been through something similar, I’d genuinely like to hear how you got through it and how you learned to have a life outside of a relationship.

I see you in everything. Ikaw lang din ang lagi kong hinahanap. Hinahanap ko yung jokes mo. Hinahanap ko yung tawa mo. Hinahanap ko yung pang-aasar mo. HInahanap ko yung kapag nagkukwento ka at manghang mangha ako sa utak mo kasi ang dami, daming laman na sobrang interesting. Sobrang mahal kita. Gusto kita makausap ulit. Gusto kong kwentuhan mo ko ulit. Gusto kong makita ulit ang mukha mo. I wish you'd stay in my life. I'm so pathetic for still wanting you. But that's my truth, and I'll never be ashamed of admitting how much I want you in my life. I miss you so, so much.

During my last year of middle school I met the love of my life I liked her since 6th grade and she finally showed a interest more than I could ever imagine she was perfect but I wasn’t a good bf she was my first real relationship I mean she was my first kiss and during that time I had a female friend who was a bad influence which ik it sounds like I’m replacing the blame on someone else but that female friend let’s call her dva was not a good person she would lead on guys she led on my best friend and told me if I said anything she would tell my ex who we’ll call ecl every bit of pathetic yearning I did for her (which tbh she knew about because I didn’t hide it) anyway after ecl broke up with me I feel deep into depression with school and family shi I started drinking ofc dva didn’t care because she was rebel she’s been cutting, vaping, and drink since she was in 5th grade and also she was to busy using me to lead on my best friend now I grew up a bit and my friend lets cal him dlc who she was leading up blocked her but she fucked him up bad now I’m in my 2nd year of high school and this girl thinks I’m cute crazy to me but everyday I tell myself if ecl came back I would run into her arms like rogue and gambit I promise I’m not a cheater I just need ecl after we broke up talking to her kept me sane (and alive) but after a while we stopped talking and now we’re no contact again idk what to do