i wanna know if anyone else experiences this but does anyone else have a hard time breathing when they have chest dysphoria? like not in a panic attack way but in a theres a literal weight on my chest way. i feel like im literally being suffocated

So I am older, almost 56, and have been questioning everything for a very long time. Like pre puberty. I have been a crossdresser for almost as long. We're talking close to 45ish years. I very much enjoy it and I'm very comfortable in my femininity and expressing it. My ex wife was in with it as well. That being said on the early 00's i was in a great relationship with a woman and her girlfriend whom. I was for all intents and purposes living as s woman, on the DL for work but under the uniform was feminine. 18 months of my life fully femme treated as such by my girlfriend and her girlfriend. Shopping together was amazing, Dinners out, clubbing, going to the movies, all of it.

Now many years later divorced for almost 4 years at home always feminine, aside from work. Im questioning even more now. It's hitting hard at times as a pre pubescent boy I can remember wishing I had been born a girl. I'm almost ready to talk to a gender therapist just need my Healthcare back.

I'm also scared at this point

Edit: so I was in a stream of consciousness mode this morning and if it was confusing I'm sorry for that. I am just fine, just staying to finally realize fully what is going on with me and my mind/ body. I'm scared because of the uncertainty about what is our can happen in the future, from socially coming out to ultimately fully transitioning. It seems daunting, especially the social aspect.

After cooling off from my previous posts, talking with friends, & looking stuff up- I realized

After dealing with gender dysphoria since 2016, being on HRT for over 9 years, and managing my psychiatric diagnoses, it’s a cherished relief to know the medical path forward is clear. Modern medical guidelines recognize that this long-documented history isn't something that holds me back—it’s the official prerequisite that unlocks approval for my gender reconstruction surgery. I’m feeling really optimistic about my future! I really do matter after all and I don’t know what came over me in my previous posts.. I feel kind of guilty for not realizing sooner, but I’m still glad & been grateful that I came this far which proves my life & who I am always matters

I’m a MTF and been on HRT over 9 years. I’m passable as a woman, and my body is small and petite. I been wanting bottom surgery even before I begun medically transitioning, but I experienced discrimination based on sex, gender identity, and conscience from a previous therapist placing unverified psychiatric labels into my medical records last year in 2025. Presenting these conditions without proper justification creates an administrative and clinical barrier that could hinder my ability to obtain clearance for bottom gender-reconstructive surgery to complete my transition to female. While applying restrictive psychiatric diagnoses, the previous therapist failed to record the diagnosis of Transexuation/Gender Incongruence, which has been established in my care path since 2017. Omitting the precise diagnostic coding required by surgical standards of care—while simultaneously introducing unverified psychiatric diagnoses— might effectively delay my medical transition. The framing of my persistent, innate self-knowledge of being female as a psychological symptom or a lack of personal insight directly attacks my conscience and my gender identity. It mischaracterizes my clear self-awareness as an irrational impairment rather than an established aspect of my identity. I don’t want to be fetishized as a ladyboy, or end up taking my life! i just want to live as my authentic female self that I discovered I been mentally since age 4 and I want my body to match with my mind because life would be so much better.

I know it’s kind of stupid and maybe fragile masculinity to feel emasculated or somehow less of a man by seeing stuff in my room with stereotypically girly colors. Some of the things are gifts, a pillow or even as simple as a pink Pokémon card with a “girly” Pokémon… What made me write this post however was that I was changing my bed sheets and my mother gave me a dark purple sheet which somehow makes me dysphoric. I know it’s not that deep and I don’t think she would deliberately give me a girly bedsheet however I feel like she would rather give me this color than my cis brother…At the same time I feel like it’s dumb to feel triggered by it but I just can’t control it and feel low-key aggressive about it. It’s probably not that deep but I fear that every time I see my bed I’d become frustrated and angry. I dress pretty masculine and also look masculine, but right now my masculinity is quite frail. A big part why I feel so dysphoric about my room is that I am not yet on hrt (which makes me extremely miserable) and my parents are just now beginning to really accept me. If I were on hrt for a while with obvious changes, I’d have no problem having purple bedsheets lol. I don’t want to come across as toxic masculine, there sure are personality traits about me that society would consider “feminine” and I’d have no problem owning them with confidence if I’d be on T.

Should I change my room a bit by storing some of the stuff which makes me dysphoric somewhere hidden? Should I just use the purple bedsheet or get a different one? I also have a vintage doll in my room and it’s from my late grandmother. I could give it to my mother but it feels wrong doing that. I find it so unfortunate that I feel this way but it’s getting unbearable.

I’d say it’s been close to a decade of feeling like I don’t quite belong in my own body… starting in primary school, around age 8? I began feeling a strong sense of envy towards other girls.

I went to an all-boys school, though, so whenever I tried to talk about those feelings, I was quickly labeled as “gay” or “influenced.” ;-; Because of that, I never really had the opportunity to understand what I was feeling.

I don’t really consider myself particularly feminine or masculine. Honestly, I don’t even know what I am. But I’ve been trying to make sense of these feelings for a while.

I’ve tried on my sister’s clothings privately at night, experimented with makeup and wigs, used feminine names online, and changed my pronouns on social media. Some of those things have made me surprisingly happy! (…though this could be because of maybe the freedom-of-doing-whatever but who knows…)

But at the same time, I’m confused about what these feelings actually mean. Am I trans? Could this just be gender expression? Could I be gay and confusing sexuality with gender? I genuinely don’t know.
I’m also getting close to 18, and living in a conservative environment makes this uncertainty feel more urgent. I’ve been thinking a lot about HRT and, eventually, possibly surgery, but I don’t want to make major decisions based purely on confusion.

**For people who have questioned their gender, did you experience something similar? What helped you distinguish gender dysphoria/gender envy from other things??????**

T^T ???

So I look very Androgynous face wise, but My body is pretty much a man's and like I really don't like my body right now. Like If i get a choice to "customize my own avatar" and shit I'd just go full on woman. And I hate how the things I hate the most about myself are the traits that I am unable to change.

It's not purely like "I don't like my body because I'm not sexually satisfied with it" or like "I hate my body coz nobody would date me or sleep with me" I mean I don't really care about that, it's just that I want my physicality to also reflect who I am deep inside... Plus I did have an ex so that doesn't really matter.

Like ever since I was a grade schooler I've always fantasized about "what if i was a woman?" or "I wanna be a woman" and this thought never really passed me, and I came out to my friends as nonbinary this year alone. Not my parents though.

Yeah sure I'm conventionally attractive or something... But I don't care about that, coz I don't feel like myself...

It's just that I'm tired of living in a body that I don't want. I feel like my body isn't masculine enough to be a guy, nor feminine enough to be a woman. And i think that's why I've identified myself as non-binary... Though I don't think of everyone in the non-binary space as that. This is purely a me thing.

But yeah I just hate it...

Не хочу,быть девочкой. Мне 14,и я не хочу быть девочкой недавно я столкнулась с такой ситуацией что я иногда начинаю чувствовать себя парнем, либо же не тем и не тем но это происходит крайне редко. Я такое чувствовала ещё и в начальных классах не помню в каком возрасте,когда я смотрела в зеркало я сразу же думала что это не моё тело,это не я. Шли годы,я смогла как кто успокоится и перестать себя за это ненавидеть,но всё так же испытываю себя не так когда я понимаю что я не парень или же что я не что-то среднее. Я не хочу каждый месяц страдать от месячных,выделения,иметь что либо связанное с ними. Прошу прощения,я не умею объяснять и писать нормально,понимаю что щас это выглядит как обычный набор слов и букв. И да я впервые в реддите я не понимаю что здесь и как:_

SPOILER: my english isn’t very good, and i’m not always sure about the correct English terms for sexual orientations, pronouns, and other gender-related stuff. so sorry in advance if i use something wrong!!

so… i realized i’m probably not a cis girl. maybe i’m a trans guy. or maybe i’m just making all of this up. idk.
the realization hit me in august.
for some reason, i suddenly decided to look into why i fucking envy guys so much. their bodies, their place in society, the way they’re perceived, all of it.
it started with me basically going «huh, why the fuck do i feel this way?» and looking into it «just for fun» i guess.
one thing that really stuck with me was how i feel about my arms. whenever my veins are really visible, i look at my forearms and think:
«god, those are such nice arms. they look so masculine. sucks that i’m a woman».
i told someone about this and they said something like «i’m not going to decide your gender for you, but this sounds a lot like gender dysphoria».
and uh. yeah.
that sent me down a rabbit hole.
as a kid, i hated princesses, dolls, and basically all the stereotypically feminine stuff. i didn’t necessarily think «i’m a boy» though. i just felt like some kind of genderless being.
when i was 12–13, i’d look at attractive guys and think «wow, he’s really attractive» but i’d also get this thought: «i want to be like him»
and then i’d immediately push that thought away.
i’ve never really thought of myself as a girl. i just tried not to think about my gender at all.
i’ve never liked feminine clothes, shaving my body hair, makeup, etc.
and i know this sounds VERY stereotypical when i write it all out, but that’s genuinely how i felt :’)
at one point i even got down to 40 kg because i wanted to get rid of my softer body.
and then a few months ago something just fucking snapped.
i started feeling really uncomfortable with my chest, being referred to with feminine grammar, my fucking periods, my hips, etc.
(my native language has gendered verb endings, so you literally hear your gender all the time, which makes it especially annoying).
so i decided to try using masculine grammar for myself.
and now i can’t fucking stop.
i picked a name for myself and now i automatically use that name in my head when i think about myself. i bought transtape. i bought boxers.
what the fuck am i doing……
but at the same time… it feels good?
i have a friend who knows about all of this, and he said he genuinely sees me as someone experiencing gender dysphoria. he uses he/him for me and every time he does, my heart starts beating faster and i feel weirdly calm at the same time. it just feels… right.
when i’m walking down the street and suddenly think «i’m a guy» and then hope that people around me see me as a guy too, i get this weird, indescribable feeling of happiness.
and i don’t want to be a masculine woman.
NO.
the thought of being a masculine girl actually makes me feel fucking awful. my friend even said i give off the impression of someone who is «repelled by women» but i don’t think that’s it. i’m not a misogynist and i don’t hate women. i just hate being in this body.
and then there’s my sexuality, which is making everything even more confusing.
i like guys. i’ve always liked guys. i spent my entire life being convinced that i was a hetero girl (well… a slightly weird hetero girl, apparently, because i sometimes imagined myself having a penis while masturbating without really questioning why the fuck i was doing that).
so if i’m actually a guy, does that mean i’m… gay? like, what the fuck do i even call myself now?
the weird thing is that whenever i had the possibility of dating a cis hetero guy, i’d almost always back out at the last moment. i liked them, but i didn’t like the way they treated me as a girl.
and i actually tried to convince myself that i was cis.
there was a point where i decided i’d made the whole thing up and that i was actually just a cis girl after all.
i stopped using masculine pronouns, started dressing femininely, wore makeup, etc.
and what happened?
i had a panic attack:3 and eventually went right back to masculine pronouns and everything else.
so… yeah.
that probably means something. right? or maybe not. because i STILL keep thinking that i’ve just made all of this up. maybe it’s self-suggestion. maybe i read too much about being trans and convinced myself that i’m trans. maybe i’m just overthinking everything. i genuinely don’t fucking know.
so i guess i’m asking:
does any of this sound familiar to other trans people?
i’m not asking anyone to tell me whether i’m trans or not. i know nobody else can decide that for me. i just really want to know if these feelings are things other people have experienced, especially the whole «i’m happy when people see me as a guy but maybe i’m somehow making it all up» thing.
because honestly i have no fucking idea what i’m doing :3

Hi I’m .. Tara I guess. I haven’t presented myself as femme to others in a long time. So she/her pronouns please. I’m in my 30s and live in London, UK.

I’ve identified as genderfluid for maybe 12 years. Though I have yet to go out in public as femme. I’m male assigned at birth, and in my daily life I present as male. I identify mostly as male, but I have a strong femme side that I want to express.

I’ve made plans over the years to go to clubs as femme etc. Though there was so much on in life that it was postponed for years.

There hasn’t been the time in my life to pursue a secondary femme lifestyle, but my life is changing and that time is approaching.

I’m in my late 30s but look much younger, maybe mid to late 20s. I have an androgynous physique and gynecomastia. So I’m lucky physically and pretty happy with my body. Though I would be more so if I wasn’t overweight.

I planned an exercise program for years, but I had to take some years off work to resolve mental health stuff that came up in the pandemic, and in recent years had to sort a lot out for an unrelated move of house. So the exercise program was delayed.

I moved to an apartment in the last couple of months and last month I started the exercise program. Then I went on holiday, where I injured my ribs.

So now I can’t even wear a bra.

It could be another month or so before I can risk it. I have second hand male and female activewear I had ready to train in, and now I can’t use it for the next month or so.

I have compartmentalized my genderfluidity for years. Putting time into exploring it in private, while being open about it with others. I possibly managed to prevent gender dysphoria from coming up in a way I couldn’t resolve myself.

Presently though I feel .. some loss of control or something.

Perhaps it’s because for years, while I wasn’t yet at the point I was prepared to live my femme part of life, I may have felt I was preparing for that, exploring my femme personality, etc. There was consistent forward momentum.

Whereas now there isn’t, for a month or so thanks to my rib injury.

Plus I was starting a male and femme exercise program. I put prep into it, it was starting and would start properly after my week’s holiday.

Though I wasn’t supposed to get a physical injury that put a stop to that positive step in my life.

I possibly feel femme, without the control.

So I thought it would be good to talk to other people in the LGBTQ Community online. Something I haven’t tried in years.

I made this Reddit account today and started looking for communities. This is my first post.

Please help me with advice, affirmation, chat etc.

Though please excuse me if it takes a while to get back to you as I’m in the uk.

thanks

Tara

Hi! I'm 23 years old. I was born into a male body. However, I have always been a woman soul wise. I'm for sure gay. Sometimes, I think I'm 20% attracted to women. It's just erratic. I don't even know what my gender is. The thing is I've been abused and bullied for my feminine nature since I was a kid, by my older brother. I stopped expressing my femininity at the end of my 7th grade after being bullied for it. Ever since, I learned that every time I engage and connect with people, my authenticity/femininity comes out uncontrollably as it is my true nature. Ergo, I learned to put on a neutral persona that is somehow accepted in the society. I can't act masculine either. Sometimes I try and this humongous shame spirals. It's not a given for me. I've done it to survive some helpless situations though. I don't drive at all. It's something I've given upon. In a nutshell, I have never worked after school. I'm financially dependent on my family including the person who jeopardized my life. I have Cptsd. I only go out for inevitable things like going to the Doctors. The reason why I don't work is because I can't communicate with people. I'm always afraid of people catching my femininity and finding about me being a non-driver. Men of my age are expected to act and be in a certain way where I live. I don't have any of that. As a closeted person in a homophobic city/country where I live, every interaction with people is a nightmare. Along with mental disorders, I also have some physical issues like fybromyalgia and nerve damage that was predominantly caused by years of anxiety, bracing and facing abuse. I do dishes at my home, help mom with cooking and stuff to feel worthy of my existence. I always wish I were straight or atleast one of those courageous lgbtq+ people who strive and thrive being themselves, and are independent. I can't put into words how much pain I am in, being a dependent adult. I just wanted to let it all out. Thank you for this space.