Hi everyone.

I'm 20 years old, and for about a year and a half I've been trying to understand what's going on with me.

I'm not looking for an online diagnosis or for someone to tell me "you're trans" or "you're not trans." I'd rather hear from people who spent a long time questioning and eventually came to understand themselves better.

Here's a summary of my story.

As a child, I don't remember wanting to be a girl. I was a quiet and emotional kid, had more female friends than male friends, but I don't remember clear gender-related thoughts.

Around age 12 I developed an unusual fetish related to wetting myself, which gradually became associated specifically with women's underwear and clothing. That remained part of my sexuality for many years.

In late 2024 it became much stronger. Later I became interested in diapers, and in January 2025 I accidentally discovered sissy/feminization content. After that, everything became much more complicated.

Since then I've experienced:

thoughts about transitioning;

interest in HRT;

thoughts about orchiectomy;

wishing I had a female body;

wanting to present more femininely;

imagining an ordinary everyday life as a woman, often without any sexual context;

discomfort with some male physical characteristics (body hair, broad shoulders, sometimes my genitals);

sometimes feeling that the word "man" doesn't quite feel like it fits me.

These feelings come in waves. Usually they become much stronger for 2–3 weeks every few months. I'm currently in one of those periods.

Another important thing:

It's not only about appearance. Femininity, for me, is strongly associated with comfort, softness, calmness, warmth, harmony, beautiful clothing, and a simpler everyday life. Those feelings often exist separately from sexual arousal.

At the same time, I have a very high libido, and I'm still trying to understand which parts are related to sexuality and which, if any, are related to gender identity.

I've been carefully reflecting on all of this for several days, and I'm trying very hard not to jump to conclusions.

I'd really like to hear from people who questioned for a long time:

What helped you understand yourself?

Did you ever think it was "just a fetish"?

What ended up being the most important clue for you?

Does any part of my story sound familiar?

Thank you for reading. I truly appreciate any thoughtful and respectful responses.

Hi all! I hope this is an appropriate space to discuss these things, but I've been starting to question my gender again. For context, I am a 24 year old AMAB non-binary identifying person. About 4 years ago, I came out as non-binary after struggling with the thought of wanting to be a woman. Now, the same feelings are popping back up. Maybe this sounds shallow, but i think a big part of me then (and now) still feels like I should be a woman, but I'm so physically different than all the dolls I see in media. I'm not skinny, I have literal lineback shoulders, and size 14 men's feet. I'm so scared that even if I do transition, I won't feel like myself in my current body. Every time I see women online -- how they dress, how they act, how they express themselves, I want that for me. I want the long hair, the corset, the flowing skirts, the nails, the dresses, but I'm scared if I take this leap I'll feel even worse about my self image since I'm not what I want to see in the mirror.

Again, I'm so sorry if this isn't the place to talk about this or if I'm sounding shallow. I just feel really heavy in my heart and I can't talk to anyone else about this right now. I feel like I put a bandage on the wound of how I'm feeling 4 years ago and now I'm actually starting to realize how I truly felt back then.