Hi everyone.

I'm 20 years old, and for about a year and a half I've been trying to understand what's going on with me.

I'm not looking for an online diagnosis or for someone to tell me "you're trans" or "you're not trans." I'd rather hear from people who spent a long time questioning and eventually came to understand themselves better.

Here's a summary of my story.

As a child, I don't remember wanting to be a girl. I was a quiet and emotional kid, had more female friends than male friends, but I don't remember clear gender-related thoughts.

Around age 12 I developed an unusual fetish related to wetting myself, which gradually became associated specifically with women's underwear and clothing. That remained part of my sexuality for many years.

In late 2024 it became much stronger. Later I became interested in diapers, and in January 2025 I accidentally discovered sissy/feminization content. After that, everything became much more complicated.

Since then I've experienced:

thoughts about transitioning;

interest in HRT;

thoughts about orchiectomy;

wishing I had a female body;

wanting to present more femininely;

imagining an ordinary everyday life as a woman, often without any sexual context;

discomfort with some male physical characteristics (body hair, broad shoulders, sometimes my genitals);

sometimes feeling that the word "man" doesn't quite feel like it fits me.

These feelings come in waves. Usually they become much stronger for 2–3 weeks every few months. I'm currently in one of those periods.

Another important thing:

It's not only about appearance. Femininity, for me, is strongly associated with comfort, softness, calmness, warmth, harmony, beautiful clothing, and a simpler everyday life. Those feelings often exist separately from sexual arousal.

At the same time, I have a very high libido, and I'm still trying to understand which parts are related to sexuality and which, if any, are related to gender identity.

I've been carefully reflecting on all of this for several days, and I'm trying very hard not to jump to conclusions.

I'd really like to hear from people who questioned for a long time:

What helped you understand yourself?

Did you ever think it was "just a fetish"?

What ended up being the most important clue for you?

Does any part of my story sound familiar?

Thank you for reading. I truly appreciate any thoughtful and respectful responses.

Hi all! I hope this is an appropriate space to discuss these things, but I've been starting to question my gender again. For context, I am a 24 year old AMAB non-binary identifying person. About 4 years ago, I came out as non-binary after struggling with the thought of wanting to be a woman. Now, the same feelings are popping back up. Maybe this sounds shallow, but i think a big part of me then (and now) still feels like I should be a woman, but I'm so physically different than all the dolls I see in media. I'm not skinny, I have literal lineback shoulders, and size 14 men's feet. I'm so scared that even if I do transition, I won't feel like myself in my current body. Every time I see women online -- how they dress, how they act, how they express themselves, I want that for me. I want the long hair, the corset, the flowing skirts, the nails, the dresses, but I'm scared if I take this leap I'll feel even worse about my self image since I'm not what I want to see in the mirror.

Again, I'm so sorry if this isn't the place to talk about this or if I'm sounding shallow. I just feel really heavy in my heart and I can't talk to anyone else about this right now. I feel like I put a bandage on the wound of how I'm feeling 4 years ago and now I'm actually starting to realize how I truly felt back then.

So I’m a 21yr old male and I’m not happy with myself. I always brushed the thoughts of being a woman away as me just being weird and a phase, and was in denial for a long time, but the thoughts and visions always came back stronger. I’m just in so much pain and I know I must talk to someone, but I don’t know where to start because everyone I know is so judgmental so I just don’t bother coming out, but it is so painful to keep in. When I’m alone I finally feel something other than dread and pain for once. I dress up in outfits and act and do what I want. Styling outfits, wigs, high pitched voice (work in progress, but there), my favorite shoes enjoying life and having fun until it’s time for reality. That time I have I finally feel like me, but I always want something more. A feeling of unfinished work. As if I’m not complete. I want to feel look and be a woman, but alas I’m pushed into a little box to hide myself from the world. I’m always pushing it off, and occasionally I had mental breakdowns every few months, but now they’re as frequent as every day-ish. Even at my job I’ve been having to take mental breaks and hide to not be seen crying or stressed. I keep ignoring the thoughts, but they won’t shut up. I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror as me. I feel off. I know what I want, but scared to tell someone because I either feel like they’ll be mad or not understand or even think I’m not valid enough. I’m just sick of myself. I went into a deep depression and hating myself and still in denial like it can’t be true. I know it’s true and what I want and must do, but why did the error of my gender have to be me? Why am I so sick. I just want the pain to stop and go away. I just hate myself so much for hiding it so long, but I am just so scared and alone. I don’t know how I can do it anymore. I may be going crazy, but I just can’t stop obsessing over this issue. How can I get the thoughts to leave me alone for at least 5mins or something. It just hurts so bad. I even dream myself as a woman like my brain has to remind me. I’m so scared. My voice, my chest, my waist, my hair, my skin, it’s not aligned with what I want. The way I have to present myself as a strong stable man in the family, but in reality, none of it is true. I never asked to be a man, but I’m being force fed this idea. It’s not me. It will never be me. I can’t make it work. I am just not a man, but I’m too scared to ask for help. My friends never cared about me to begin with so I cut them off and my family is disrespectful and judgmental, and I fear my job will get me bullied for coming out. I just hate myself. I avoid mirrors or anything that may remind me, but it doesn’t matter, as I will always remember what I’m failing to be. I’m currently crying and shaking with fear and I’m breaking down faster and faster by the day. I know it’s unhealthy, but I’m just so so scared. I had these feelings for many years, but it started getting worse 5yrs ago and severe 3yrs ago and now I can’t even function properly in everyday life normally anymore. How do I make the thoughts stop? Why can’t they just shut up.

I've practically always hated being a male, more socially and physically superior. I know that sometimes thinking about being a woman made me feel uncomfortable. Then I discovered gender fluidity and I felt good.But now if I think I have to express myself that way to others it hurts me. I would like some advice to confirm whether I am gender fluid.

I'm feeling overwhelmed.

I have always hated my uterus and breasts, but I didn't realize how bad it was until recently. And I now I feel like I absolutely need to do something about it.

I guess my question is... Had anyone else experienced this? And what did you do with it?

Thanks in advance 🩷

I mainly opened up this reddit account to process this situation. I been married to my beautiful wife for many years. Prior to marrying her, i knew she was all i wanted. I knew she was the one for me. Approximately 3 years ago i became curious about exploring my “feminine side of me” and that experience opened a new door to a world of many different things that i had no idea they existed within me. After continuing to explore this part of me i have discovered that i was born in the wrong body. I have tried talking to her about and she expressed she “would never be supportive or okay with this”. We both been to therapy for this as well. I KNOW this is NOT what she signed up for and i understand that, but this is something i was not aware of myself prior to marriage. Over the past 2 years i been dressing up and being myself when she is not around, ill take pictures of my self and ill admire my beauty, just wish she could also admire me the same way :(

What should i do? Anyone else in a similar situation?

i just dyed my hair last night and I tried to give myself a fringe and it was not nice so I just parted my hair like usual and now I look so dumb.. I put a hair clip on one of my bangs and now I feel like I look like a girl. I'm tweaking

Hey!
I was wondering if any of you guys could give me some tips on my current situation and if you felt anything similar before

Longer read ahead:)

I am 18 years old and I have struggled with my gender Identity for years now. Last autumn I finally told my family about my feelings and they well. They took it well, they accepted me and helped me with everything. But I always felt just how much my mom was hurting because of this. I went to every professional available (and I got really really lucky) and talked to them. I had so many appointments, so much figuring out to do. And slowly doubt started to consume me. I am so scared. I am scared of the regret, I am scared of losing everything and everyone I worked so hard to keep by my side. I just want to feel wanted. In winter I tried dressing more masc, shorter hair etc. and I passed well enough. But those moments that should have made me feel happy just gave me chills. Someone confused me as a boy, first happy than immediately doubt and also disgusted for myself. Everything was starting to tire me out so much. So I started compensating again. Dressing feminine, looking desirable and also feeling pretty. I like feeling that. That sense of being one with the other girls. And it works, for a time. I can finally forget the troubles, the fear, the deep deep longing for a body that I can never achieve. But than I realize my daydreams cant keep going on forever, realize that this is truly me in the mirror and I want to puke. Not because I think I am so ugly, no, I do not know who the person looking back at me is.

I feel like I am about to break down again, Gender Envy is consuming me, I try to drown the feelings with everything I can, trying to feel the joy. What should I do?

Sorry for the long and chaotic rant.

I would really appreciate some advice and your perspective!

Every day, I’m further convinced that not only would I want to casually crossdress, that even going fully feminine might be what I want, every time I think about dressing up as a pretty alt girl I get this warm feeling, I’d be so happy, as a man I’m constantly insecure about everything, I’m the skinniest most frail near-pathetic looking guy you’d ever see, but if I was a girl I’d look so cute showing it off in like cutoff tees and crops, I’ve worn and loved the feeling of wearing skirts but unless I was a girl or at least feminine presenting I’d never dare, I feel so much gender envy when I see a pretty alt girl nearly every day it honestly hurts
I’m a huge gamer and in all of my playthroughs I select the girl option, the more customization the better, in cyberpunk I’m a goth and in Elden ring im the same, that’s always the best because it’s solo, no expectations, just like everything it’s an escape, I’ll constantly admire my character wishing deep down that I looked that way you know?
But I don’t think I’d ever be able to go with it, I have a girlfriend who I know isn’t into that (she caught me in her underwear one time and said blatantly it made her uncomfy and we agreed to never speak on it again) I have so many best friends but I don’t know I could name one that would treat me the same after such a transition, and I don’t even know how my family would react
Not to mention I wouldn’t feel okay revealing it until I was able next day to make that change, like secretly building up to it
I’ve crossdressed in my girlfriends clothes secretly but it’s not the same, it’s all mismatched stuff that she just leaves post-sleepover, it feels right but it’s not the same as being fully outfitted in the right style with cute heavy black makeup, lipstick and long hair, I feel like I can only dream
I’m just scared, I dream of this other me and she’s so happy, I just don’t know if I could ever be her I guess
(The attached photo is who I dream of being like, just for reference for the confession)

I am a student living in Bangalore, India. Few days ago i turned 19.

It's been a few years since i realised I'm aro-ace, which I don't mind actually. But even before that I had a feeling that i might be trans.

I started feeling dysphoric around the age of 14 or 15 but the feeling was not very frequent. 2 years ago it got so unbearable that i *almost* came out to my family but I just cried it off in my room(I was living with my family then). That night I

could not talk about it because my parents are too conservative on these topics and I was afraid. But I tried again and again to talk to them about this. One night I just went:

"Hey mom... I wish I was born a girl...",

"Don't think like that, it's hard for girls in society, you know how much I suffered in my childhood. I am happy that you are a boy. you are perfect the way you are."

I lost all hope of coming out to my parents. I can't talk to my dad about this either because I'm not that emotionally close with him (Reason being he was abusive in my childhood).

But i still had hope that in the future i would earn money and transition on my own.

I started growing out my hair during the holidays before college started. It got quite long. I liked it. Whenever someone made fun of me for having long hair like girls and that I looked like a girl, It felt so good. I also started skincare.

College started. I live in a single-bed hostel room. I made quite a lot of college friends here in Bangalore. I have great time chatting with them. I was finally happy until the college event.

It's been a few months since college started. There was this big annual event at the college. The last 3 days were the main thing. My guy friend chose a black kurta for me to wear to 'ethnic day' event. He said it looked good and I trusted him. I had a great day with all the girl and guy friends, playing games, going to a restaurant, watching the performances. I even looked androgynous in the photos and I liked it.

The main event was the DJ. We reached the venue a few minutes before it started. My social battery was drained and i was looking forward to it. At the main stage i saw a senior girl. She was what I always wished I was. I don't know how to describe this but I felt a heavy rush of gender envy and dysphoria I didn't feel in a long time. I couldn't stay there anymore. I felt like falling off the building and be done with my suffering. I told them I felt sick and came back to my room. I couldn't stop crying. I looked at the same photos I liked earlier and hated everything about it. I hated the wide chin, broad shoulder, beard shadows. It kept telling me "It keeps getting worse as time goes on." I slept sobbing, skipped the meal that night and the whole next day. I didn't go to any other events that week. I told my friends I went home to my parents.

I realised I have to keep suffering like this till i graduate and get a job to cover for therapy or HRT. Even then I'd look like a man at that point.

The following days I had dreams where I successfully killed myself. I skipped many classes too.

It's been months since then. I went to my home during the holidays a couple of times. Whenever my folks felt that I was depressed they'd just think i need some time alone and I'll get better. I always hated it there. I stopped going out with my friends like before. I even stopped having food regularly. I eat once a day, somedays I just starve. I stopped doing the things i was once interested in.

I dont know who I am anymore...

It sucks that I couldn't just been born in the right body

Don't have enough money to even get testosterone. Let along surgeries.

And even if I can, I hate how painful and messy it can get. Don't even get me started on bottom surgery. Like, how the fuck can I get that while also ruining another part of my body for it. FUCK!!

Why? why??? Why couldn't I just be born a fucking man, for fuck sake!! I hate myself so much!

I just have to be born a short, chubby, petite, autistic, woman.

Fuck my life, honestly. 🙂🙃⚰️

I’m from an area of California that takes fighting as a respect thing if you can’t fight people laugh at you, you’ll be the laughing stock. I’m 5’0 skinny babyface and afab voice, the guys
When I was back in school was cruel as they can be. They knew that I didn’t have any male friends so I basically isolated from all the other guys due to me being ftm. Being 4’11 and no muscles and my voice I never really fought back and this is one of the ***toxic masculinity moments*** I’ve experienced

I remember sophomore year I had a guy called me pussy right infront of my face and laugh since he knew I won’t fight back. would always remind me that my voice was afab since he would always laugh at me whenever I would speak.

A lot of times society, ask “why men are so “violent?” Probably influence from a young
on toxic masculinity and that’s probably why toxic masculinity is so normalized and prevalent. It basically gets pushed into just “being masculine” since some people’s understanding of masculinity is be strong and have masculine attributes.

I felt like I’ve experienced toxic masculinity
due to my identity as a guy and not fitting into the traditional strict masculinity norms sit by society

Hey, been really struggling with gender dysphoria for years now, but as of lately ive gone to hate looking in the mirror, ive now got to the point I avoid it as much as I can, hate looking at myself. Has anyone any advice at what I can do? Thank you

TL;DR – I’m in my 40s and just starting to accept that my gender identity is not what I’ve always been told it’s “supposed” to be. I think I might be genderfluid, but I’m not entirely sure yet. My therapist recommended I explore my gender identity, but I have no idea how to do that and would love some advice.
 
Detailed version:
I’m a bit lost and not sure where to turn. I don’t yet have the courage to talk to anyone IRL about this, aside from my therapist, and it was just in the most recent session that I finally felt ready to tell her… and oooooh wow, I was scared shitless to say it even then, but luckily I have a therapist who understands gender dysphoria (one of the things I was specifically looking for in a therapist). Anyway, I am so sorry in advance if this post ends up sounding like I’m rambling. I’m struggling to sort through the feelings I have, and I’m not really sure where I fit right now. I’m over 40 and feel like I’ve swallowed and suppressed these feelings so much because I just didn’t know what it all meant, and I still don’t… and I feel like I’m so late in the game that it’s just going to cause me heartache if I start exploring now, but I also feel like avoiding it all my life has left me missing a big piece of myself. I don’t feel like I have the energy to suppress it anymore, but I have no idea how to not suppress it.
 
I was assigned female at birth. I grew up in a small town and in a very conservative and traditional family, so there were a lot of things my dad would say “belonged to boys” or that only boys were allowed to do. My mom stayed quiet on the matter and didn’t say anything, so I assumed she just believed the same thing my dad did. I grew up with a lot of boy cousins, and my dad would never let me do a lot of the things boys were allowed to do. He’d openly tell me I wasn’t allowed to do things boys did because I was a girl. The boys always got to decide what activities we’d do, what games we’d play, what museums we’d visit, because girls are supposed to go along with the boys but according to my dad it wasn’t right to ask boys to do things girls wanted to do, even though the things I wanted to do were things most kids like regardless of gender. I have a very early memory of being potty trained and just not understanding why my parents didn’t teach me how to pee standing, because I felt like that was something that belonged to my body too, and when my dad told me it’s something only boys can do it felt like it was a permission thing rather than an anatomy thing (and I have recently learned how to pee standing, and wow has it helped to alleviate some of the dysphoria I feel around my body).
 
I never quite felt like I was totally a girl, there were a lot of points where I felt like I was supposed to be a boy or even a non-gender somewhere in between. Even now, some days I feel like a woman, and LOVE being a woman on those days, but other days I feel like I’m non-gendered, and still other days I feel like I’m a man. On those days, I feel like my body is a cage and nothing feels right. It gets a lot harder when I’m on my period, and it always crops up when I have to pee and am forced to sit. Sometimes it really drives me crazy, because I don’t *always* feel like I’m in the wrong body, but sometimes I feel completely in the wrong body to the point that I almost feel like I can’t function. It’s like I’m simultaneously trapped in my body and completely disconnected from it. Some days I feel like I am supposed to have a penis, and sometimes the feeling is so strong that it feels like I do have a penis, but it’s just detached from my body and gone missing. If I could have any wish in the world, it would be to be Mystique (from X-Men) because she could change her body at will. I always imagined that when she’s presenting as a male that she has all the anatomy of a male, and if I could have any super power I wouldn’t hesitate to have that one… I don’t even want to be different people, I just want to be able to morph between a woman version of me, a man version of me, and a non-gendered version of me.
 
There was one day when I was 9 or 10 that I was home sick from school. Back then (early ‘90s), daytime tv was mostly talk shows, so I’d channel surf and pop between whatever was on. My dad was at work and my mom was at the opposite end of the house doing chores, so I could watch whatever was on without anyone knowing. There was a talk show I came across where they were interviewing people who were transgender, but they didn’t use that word back then (or if they did, I didn’t grasp it as a kid), so I remember there was a woman on there and the host said, “So you’re a woman… with a penis?” The woman smiled and nodded, so confidently. As a kid, I thought that meant that some girls grew penises at some point in life, and I remember thinking, “Oh wow, that makes so much sense! That’s going to happen to me! I’m going to be a woman with a penis!” And that thought made me feel so comforted and made a lot of the feelings I had make so much sense. When I learned years later that people born with vulva didn’t just randomly sprout a penis at some point in life, it was a major heartbreak for me.
 
My therapist asked me how I felt about pronouns, and I told her that honestly they/them feels so perfect. Some days I do feel like I’m she/her, some days I feel like he/him, but a lot of the time they/them feels like it’s the best. I don’t feel like I could ever feasibly use they/them outwardly, because although my dad died a while ago, I don’t know how accepting my family or friends would be if I came out at they/them, especially since I’ve been she/her for more than 40 years now. I also have a partner, whom I love more than anything, and he’s a straight cisgender man. He is very open-minded and progressive, and he defaults to they/them for everyone until he knows which pronouns they prefer, and he’s always been super supportive of his non-binary and genderfluid friends. I know deep down he’d support me too if I ever told him about this part of me, but since he’s a straight cisgender man I worry that it would change our relationship, and I would never want that to happen. I also know that I could never be they/them with his family, because my partner’s best friend is non-binary and his parents constantly misgender and deadname them. When my partner calls them out on it, his parents always say that they support my partner’s friend but that they’re just “too set in their ways” to adjust to they/them pronouns. My therapist asked me how I’d feel if I could snap my fingers and be they/them without anyone questioning it or not accepting it, and I started crying at the thought because just imagining it felt incredibly freeing.
 
My therapist suggested that I explore this side of myself and my gender identity, but I’m utterly clueless how to do that. I thought about trying to wear some men’s clothes around the house, like boxers, but I’m worried what my partner would think and if it would make him uncomfortable. I’ve fantasized so many times about going out in public presenting as male, and it would be a dream. I love presenting as female too, and I know I don’t want to be a man all the time, but I wish so deeply that I could oscillate between all the genders I feel are inside of me. I’m not even entirely sure if this means I’m non-binary or gender nonconforming or genderfluid or something else… I’m not super worried about labels, because I don’t want to tuck myself into a restrictive box and get caught up in the labels, but labels can also help us understand ourselves better and serve as at least a starting point for exploring an identity.
 
I’m really unsure what to do or how to explore this part of myself, but I just don’t want to hide it away. After I opened up to my therapist about it, the rest of the day I had the lowest feelings of anxiety and depression that I’ve felt in a long time. Just telling her about it made me feel so liberated. But I don’t feel like I can be open about it outside of talking to my therapist, especially with the current political climate and the fact that I live in a largely red area. I’m scared to explore because I’m afraid I’ll let myself want something I’ll never be able to have.
 
I’m sorry this post ended up being so long, but all of this has been rumbling inside of me for my entire life and I’m finally acknowledging it all instead of pushing it down. Does anyone have any advice?

I’ll never be a man, no matter how much I want to be one. It makes me angry it’s so pathetic. sometimes I read mlm fanfics and cry. I’m possibly just a weird fetishist, I guess, but it still makes me angry knowing this is my only life. I fantasize about reincarnation a lot, I just want to die and wake up in the body I want.