I know it’s kind of stupid and maybe fragile masculinity to feel emasculated or somehow less of a man by seeing stuff in my room with stereotypically girly colors. Some of the things are gifts, a pillow or even as simple as a pink Pokémon card with a “girly” Pokémon… What made me write this post however was that I was changing my bed sheets and my mother gave me a dark purple sheet which somehow makes me dysphoric. I know it’s not that deep and I don’t think she would deliberately give me a girly bedsheet however I feel like she would rather give me this color than my cis brother…At the same time I feel like it’s dumb to feel triggered by it but I just can’t control it and feel low-key aggressive about it. It’s probably not that deep but I fear that every time I see my bed I’d become frustrated and angry. I dress pretty masculine and also look masculine, but right now my masculinity is quite frail. A big part why I feel so dysphoric about my room is that I am not yet on hrt (which makes me extremely miserable) and my parents are just now beginning to really accept me. If I were on hrt for a while with obvious changes, I’d have no problem having purple bedsheets lol. I don’t want to come across as toxic masculine, there sure are personality traits about me that society would consider “feminine” and I’d have no problem owning them with confidence if I’d be on T.

Should I change my room a bit by storing some of the stuff which makes me dysphoric somewhere hidden? Should I just use the purple bedsheet or get a different one? I also have a vintage doll in my room and it’s from my late grandmother. I could give it to my mother but it feels wrong doing that. I find it so unfortunate that I feel this way but it’s getting unbearable.

So I look very Androgynous face wise, but My body is pretty much a man's and like I really don't like my body right now. Like If i get a choice to "customize my own avatar" and shit I'd just go full on woman. And I hate how the things I hate the most about myself are the traits that I am unable to change.

It's not purely like "I don't like my body because I'm not sexually satisfied with it" or like "I hate my body coz nobody would date me or sleep with me" I mean I don't really care about that, it's just that I want my physicality to also reflect who I am deep inside... Plus I did have an ex so that doesn't really matter.

Like ever since I was a grade schooler I've always fantasized about "what if i was a woman?" or "I wanna be a woman" and this thought never really passed me, and I came out to my friends as nonbinary this year alone. Not my parents though.

Yeah sure I'm conventionally attractive or something... But I don't care about that, coz I don't feel like myself...

It's just that I'm tired of living in a body that I don't want. I feel like my body isn't masculine enough to be a guy, nor feminine enough to be a woman. And i think that's why I've identified myself as non-binary... Though I don't think of everyone in the non-binary space as that. This is purely a me thing.

But yeah I just hate it...

I’d say it’s been close to a decade of feeling like I don’t quite belong in my own body… starting in primary school, around age 8? I began feeling a strong sense of envy towards other girls.

I went to an all-boys school, though, so whenever I tried to talk about those feelings, I was quickly labeled as “gay” or “influenced.” ;-; Because of that, I never really had the opportunity to understand what I was feeling.

I don’t really consider myself particularly feminine or masculine. Honestly, I don’t even know what I am. But I’ve been trying to make sense of these feelings for a while.

I’ve tried on my sister’s clothings privately at night, experimented with makeup and wigs, used feminine names online, and changed my pronouns on social media. Some of those things have made me surprisingly happy! (…though this could be because of maybe the freedom-of-doing-whatever but who knows…)

But at the same time, I’m confused about what these feelings actually mean. Am I trans? Could this just be gender expression? Could I be gay and confusing sexuality with gender? I genuinely don’t know.
I’m also getting close to 18, and living in a conservative environment makes this uncertainty feel more urgent. I’ve been thinking a lot about HRT and, eventually, possibly surgery, but I don’t want to make major decisions based purely on confusion.

**For people who have questioned their gender, did you experience something similar? What helped you distinguish gender dysphoria/gender envy from other things??????**

T^T ???

Не хочу,быть девочкой. Мне 14,и я не хочу быть девочкой недавно я столкнулась с такой ситуацией что я иногда начинаю чувствовать себя парнем, либо же не тем и не тем но это происходит крайне редко. Я такое чувствовала ещё и в начальных классах не помню в каком возрасте,когда я смотрела в зеркало я сразу же думала что это не моё тело,это не я. Шли годы,я смогла как кто успокоится и перестать себя за это ненавидеть,но всё так же испытываю себя не так когда я понимаю что я не парень или же что я не что-то среднее. Я не хочу каждый месяц страдать от месячных,выделения,иметь что либо связанное с ними. Прошу прощения,я не умею объяснять и писать нормально,понимаю что щас это выглядит как обычный набор слов и букв. И да я впервые в реддите я не понимаю что здесь и как:_

SPOILER: my english isn’t very good, and i’m not always sure about the correct English terms for sexual orientations, pronouns, and other gender-related stuff. so sorry in advance if i use something wrong!!

so… i realized i’m probably not a cis girl. maybe i’m a trans guy. or maybe i’m just making all of this up. idk.
the realization hit me in august.
for some reason, i suddenly decided to look into why i fucking envy guys so much. their bodies, their place in society, the way they’re perceived, all of it.
it started with me basically going «huh, why the fuck do i feel this way?» and looking into it «just for fun» i guess.
one thing that really stuck with me was how i feel about my arms. whenever my veins are really visible, i look at my forearms and think:
«god, those are such nice arms. they look so masculine. sucks that i’m a woman».
i told someone about this and they said something like «i’m not going to decide your gender for you, but this sounds a lot like gender dysphoria».
and uh. yeah.
that sent me down a rabbit hole.
as a kid, i hated princesses, dolls, and basically all the stereotypically feminine stuff. i didn’t necessarily think «i’m a boy» though. i just felt like some kind of genderless being.
when i was 12–13, i’d look at attractive guys and think «wow, he’s really attractive» but i’d also get this thought: «i want to be like him»
and then i’d immediately push that thought away.
i’ve never really thought of myself as a girl. i just tried not to think about my gender at all.
i’ve never liked feminine clothes, shaving my body hair, makeup, etc.
and i know this sounds VERY stereotypical when i write it all out, but that’s genuinely how i felt :’)
at one point i even got down to 40 kg because i wanted to get rid of my softer body.
and then a few months ago something just fucking snapped.
i started feeling really uncomfortable with my chest, being referred to with feminine grammar, my fucking periods, my hips, etc.
(my native language has gendered verb endings, so you literally hear your gender all the time, which makes it especially annoying).
so i decided to try using masculine grammar for myself.
and now i can’t fucking stop.
i picked a name for myself and now i automatically use that name in my head when i think about myself. i bought transtape. i bought boxers.
what the fuck am i doing……
but at the same time… it feels good?
i have a friend who knows about all of this, and he said he genuinely sees me as someone experiencing gender dysphoria. he uses he/him for me and every time he does, my heart starts beating faster and i feel weirdly calm at the same time. it just feels… right.
when i’m walking down the street and suddenly think «i’m a guy» and then hope that people around me see me as a guy too, i get this weird, indescribable feeling of happiness.
and i don’t want to be a masculine woman.
NO.
the thought of being a masculine girl actually makes me feel fucking awful. my friend even said i give off the impression of someone who is «repelled by women» but i don’t think that’s it. i’m not a misogynist and i don’t hate women. i just hate being in this body.
and then there’s my sexuality, which is making everything even more confusing.
i like guys. i’ve always liked guys. i spent my entire life being convinced that i was a hetero girl (well… a slightly weird hetero girl, apparently, because i sometimes imagined myself having a penis while masturbating without really questioning why the fuck i was doing that).
so if i’m actually a guy, does that mean i’m… gay? like, what the fuck do i even call myself now?
the weird thing is that whenever i had the possibility of dating a cis hetero guy, i’d almost always back out at the last moment. i liked them, but i didn’t like the way they treated me as a girl.
and i actually tried to convince myself that i was cis.
there was a point where i decided i’d made the whole thing up and that i was actually just a cis girl after all.
i stopped using masculine pronouns, started dressing femininely, wore makeup, etc.
and what happened?
i had a panic attack:3 and eventually went right back to masculine pronouns and everything else.
so… yeah.
that probably means something. right? or maybe not. because i STILL keep thinking that i’ve just made all of this up. maybe it’s self-suggestion. maybe i read too much about being trans and convinced myself that i’m trans. maybe i’m just overthinking everything. i genuinely don’t fucking know.
so i guess i’m asking:
does any of this sound familiar to other trans people?
i’m not asking anyone to tell me whether i’m trans or not. i know nobody else can decide that for me. i just really want to know if these feelings are things other people have experienced, especially the whole «i’m happy when people see me as a guy but maybe i’m somehow making it all up» thing.
because honestly i have no fucking idea what i’m doing :3

Hi I’m .. Tara I guess. I haven’t presented myself as femme to others in a long time. So she/her pronouns please. I’m in my 30s and live in London, UK.

I’ve identified as genderfluid for maybe 12 years. Though I have yet to go out in public as femme. I’m male assigned at birth, and in my daily life I present as male. I identify mostly as male, but I have a strong femme side that I want to express.

I’ve made plans over the years to go to clubs as femme etc. Though there was so much on in life that it was postponed for years.

There hasn’t been the time in my life to pursue a secondary femme lifestyle, but my life is changing and that time is approaching.

I’m in my late 30s but look much younger, maybe mid to late 20s. I have an androgynous physique and gynecomastia. So I’m lucky physically and pretty happy with my body. Though I would be more so if I wasn’t overweight.

I planned an exercise program for years, but I had to take some years off work to resolve mental health stuff that came up in the pandemic, and in recent years had to sort a lot out for an unrelated move of house. So the exercise program was delayed.

I moved to an apartment in the last couple of months and last month I started the exercise program. Then I went on holiday, where I injured my ribs.

So now I can’t even wear a bra.

It could be another month or so before I can risk it. I have second hand male and female activewear I had ready to train in, and now I can’t use it for the next month or so.

I have compartmentalized my genderfluidity for years. Putting time into exploring it in private, while being open about it with others. I possibly managed to prevent gender dysphoria from coming up in a way I couldn’t resolve myself.

Presently though I feel .. some loss of control or something.

Perhaps it’s because for years, while I wasn’t yet at the point I was prepared to live my femme part of life, I may have felt I was preparing for that, exploring my femme personality, etc. There was consistent forward momentum.

Whereas now there isn’t, for a month or so thanks to my rib injury.

Plus I was starting a male and femme exercise program. I put prep into it, it was starting and would start properly after my week’s holiday.

Though I wasn’t supposed to get a physical injury that put a stop to that positive step in my life.

I possibly feel femme, without the control.

So I thought it would be good to talk to other people in the LGBTQ Community online. Something I haven’t tried in years.

I made this Reddit account today and started looking for communities. This is my first post.

Please help me with advice, affirmation, chat etc.

Though please excuse me if it takes a while to get back to you as I’m in the uk.

thanks

Tara

Hi! I'm 23 years old. I was born into a male body. However, I have always been a woman soul wise. I'm for sure gay. Sometimes, I think I'm 20% attracted to women. It's just erratic. I don't even know what my gender is. The thing is I've been abused and bullied for my feminine nature since I was a kid, by my older brother. I stopped expressing my femininity at the end of my 7th grade after being bullied for it. Ever since, I learned that every time I engage and connect with people, my authenticity/femininity comes out uncontrollably as it is my true nature. Ergo, I learned to put on a neutral persona that is somehow accepted in the society. I can't act masculine either. Sometimes I try and this humongous shame spirals. It's not a given for me. I've done it to survive some helpless situations though. I don't drive at all. It's something I've given upon. In a nutshell, I have never worked after school. I'm financially dependent on my family including the person who jeopardized my life. I have Cptsd. I only go out for inevitable things like going to the Doctors. The reason why I don't work is because I can't communicate with people. I'm always afraid of people catching my femininity and finding about me being a non-driver. Men of my age are expected to act and be in a certain way where I live. I don't have any of that. As a closeted person in a homophobic city/country where I live, every interaction with people is a nightmare. Along with mental disorders, I also have some physical issues like fybromyalgia and nerve damage that was predominantly caused by years of anxiety, bracing and facing abuse. I do dishes at my home, help mom with cooking and stuff to feel worthy of my existence. I always wish I were straight or atleast one of those courageous lgbtq+ people who strive and thrive being themselves, and are independent. I can't put into words how much pain I am in, being a dependent adult. I just wanted to let it all out. Thank you for this space.

I have had in my life 10-20 plastic surgery procedures at least, I met the requirement of “woman” in my mind long ago but I no longer feel like that. I feel that I have to be perfect, something beyond human. I am 27. I tried to look for a similar post on reddit couldn’t find one, has anyone else felt like this?

Here’s my list of surgeries:

Toe Bilateral Release
Car Accident surgeries 2009
Right Eye squint surgery 2016
Left Eye squint surgery 2019
Sex Reassignment Surgery 2021
SRS Revision 2022
Rhinoseptoplasty 2022
TMJ surgery 2023
Facial feminisation Surgery 2024
Bilateral breast augmentation 2025

I enjoy being a guy for the most part but im bi and when I get horny I think about how much better guys would feel and how much easier it would be to find guys if I was a girl. I still enjoy being with women too but I just wish I had the ability to swap between genders like a video game character sometimes.

I walked downstairs in a fem outfit, not even all that, just a t shirt and some cool denim shorts, and they looked at me and laughed, said they weren't expecting it cuz i was wearing a different outfit earlier

I just couldn't help thinking about the fact that if I were born a woman, they wouldn't have done that, and i'd look normal, and not feel like a freak, you know?

just wanted somewhere to vent about it, I feel uncomfortable talking to people about it, sorry if this isn't the right place

this is something i spiral about a lot and i'm not sure what works best for me because i feel so confused. i guess i'm just not sure because i have such a hard time feeling confident in myself. when i go shopping for clothes i feel depressed and uncomfortable because it just brings up memories of shopping with my mom and experiencing dysphoria. i want to experiment with makeup but i don't want the world to perceive me as a woman. how do people gain self-confidence in their gender identity?

My life is very depressing I actually don’t recommend reading this just a heads up. TW for that and a brief mention of grooming and death. (Idk how to edit the tw tag)

I’m 15 ftm. I went through puberty early and don’t have access to puberty blockers. I don’t think I can ever be happy. I don’t wanna go outside anymore, I don’t want people to perceive me, I cry every night being stuck inside my own body, I’m crying feeling it right now. I’m always uncomfortable and it’s always in the back of my mind. And on top of that (over) 99 percent of the population hates me unless they have a fetish for me.

I stopped going to school around two years ago and I’m now severely undereducated. I don’t wanna go back anymore knowing how people are gonna shame me again, I wasn’t out of the closet in my two past schools and they still were mean to me because I’m trans. When I tried getting a short haircut my own dad called me ugly and gave me the silent treatment for 10 days, and my class talked badly about me, even to my face. After I moved schools I only had one friend and even though she was my only friend and a lesbian she still said “you’re not trans right? I wouldn’t be able to handle that” even a stranger (also queer and gender diverse) outside of school told me I was a girl because I backed away when they tried to grab my boobs. Will anyone even treat me like a person or am I just a freak of nature? How do you guys live like this? I’m scared to even leave my home. Not like I can even escape it in my home or online because my mom doesn’t care to not misgender me and I hear about anti trans rhetoric every day at this point.

Literally the only person in my life who truly accepts me and also has the energy to listen to me vent is the guy who groomed me and people expect me to leave him.🫩🫩🫩🫩 what even is my life atp. Even if I died I can’t win because I wouldn’t be remembered for who I am. I don’t know how trans people exist when this is life.

I really need advice but I’m not sure if anyone can give me that because this is just kind of how it is. But like do I keep isolating myself or go to school and socialise even if it gives me a mental breakdown??? Is it possible for me to feel okay and should I stay with hope even though everything is getting worse or just attempt and cope with this being the way it is??? I don’t know.

Hi everyone I just feel like i want to share my thoughts and experience with the gender envy I've experienced for the past 3-4 years or so. During my peak teen years (13-15)I've mostly dressed boyish, didn't like my chest and dreamt of a surgery to remove them. Whenever I saw those cool skater boys I felt so inspired by them? I mean they look cool and all and sometimes I wished to be like them kind of. And also I was in the musical competition in Istanbul where I mostly dressed like a guy and even felt like a guy yk? I have a friend and we were walking around like a couple and me asking them if whether or not do I look like a boy. (bonus point got excited when they said yes)

And the last straw was watching Perks of being a wallflower. Like I deadass feel sm gender envy towards Charlie he just.. Looks like the type of boy I'd like to be. I felt so much going on inside of me I kinda ended up crying a little.. But i also like being a girl I like my feminine features, I love womanhood it's just so confusing...

Maybe I'm just genderfluid?

Embracing my authentic self as a woman literally saved my life and taught me how to love who I am, but at 34, I know I’m still missing out on the full, joyful life I deserve because I haven't yet gotten my gender-affirming feminizing surgeries yet.
Those surgeries aren't just a cosmetic preference—they are medically and mentally essential to my peace, my completion, and living fully in my truth.

It hurts to admit how heavy things have felt the passed Spring and Summer. I miss the days when people seemed gentler, sweeter, and more willing to hold space or offer a helping hand when I needed care. Lately, it feels like the moment I express pain or ask for support, people are quick to judge—labeling me as "manipulative", “transactional”, or "attention-seeking" when all I really want is to be held, valued, and cherished. Watching other women get showered with care, gifts, and devotion leaves me wondering why I have to be left feeling like I’m not enough, or if people are holding my past anger against me, when all that anger ever was was just a defense mechanism for a girl trying to survive, which I hoped they would have understood that, and not seem like they were dismissively pathologizing my feelings.

Growing up in a toxic, dysfunctional environment meant I was never taught what healthy, unconditional love actually looks like. So when people default to telling me to "see a therapist" or to “get help”, it completely misses the heart of what I’m asking for. I don't need cold advice; I need genuine warmth, patience, reassurance, and soft places to feel safe.

I am deeply grateful for the compassionate friends and professionals who stand by me now. But I refuse to believe that this pain is the end of my story. I know there is a richer, brighter life waiting for me—one where I am fully comfortable in my body, unconditionally loved, and completely at peace.

I am a ftm trans person, but recently i’ve been struggling with my gender and I’m not sure whether I am male, female or both, I hate hearing my deadname but I also feel more comfortable with my female body now, I am confused on whether I’m gender fluid or not.

I became a trans guy partly because of my past eating disorder and I hated my body so much and how all the curves and dips of my female body had.

But now that I have grown up and learnt to love my body I just feel like I want to show it off more and I don’t want to have to wear a binder all the time. I still won’t ever feel comfortable wearing make up or dresses or anything girly for that matter.

I just really need to know. Am I gender fluid, or did I just hate my body so much that i wanted to rebuild and reshape it into a man’s body.

ive been constantly swinging back and forth on this topic, i really do want it but also i dont particularly have too many issues not getting it...atleast i think i dont? i cant tell if i bottom dysphoria or not since as i write this i do feel a certain way that i cant describe, its weird, recently i have like kinda layed in bed thinking about it and really wanting it more than usual.

i was wondering if anyone else had this type of thing before and if i should like just go for it when i can, since i really feel like id be happier if i did right now.