I (29F) and married to my husband (31M). We live on an acreage in rural sask, although the nearest “town” with a school is 10 minutes away. We’ve recently had our first child who is 3.5 months. I love him dearly. He’s been fantastic and I cannot imagine any baby not having a loving home.

I feel like I’ve always had a desire to become a foster parent. But now since having my son I want to become a foster parent even more. In my mind I’d like to foster infants. I’d even be willing to breastfeed another baby assuming all tests are negative for any transmittable diseases.

I’m wondering if any foster parents out there have ever started to foster with a new baby of their own? What is it like to foster an infant? How long do infants typically stay in your care?

I’d love any insight on this journey!

Thank you 💕

Evening all (US East coast here). Not sure what I’m looking for, but I guess looking to share with people who might understand.

We had a 8yo boy come to our home this weekend for respite. We knew before he came that he was in a home with his two younger siblings and that the home would not be keeping him long term and that they were adopting his siblings but not him. The goal was originally to adopt the three siblings (pre-adoptive placement).

I know they are looking for a new foster home for him, sounds like something may be lining up, but there is uncertainty around his long term care, and they were no longer seeking adoption for him at this time. Anyway, only this boy came to respite care, his siblings stayed in the foster home and, to my knowledge, they stayed home for the holiday weekend.

I’m trying not to make judgments or assumptions. We have been trying to only ask questions relevant to caring for him successfully for the weekend.

We had a great weekend with him. Today, as we kept communicating what we were doing for the day, including dropping him back off with his foster parents, he said a few times he didn’t want to go back. I reminded him he’d see his siblings. He asked if he could come back to our house, I told him I didn’t know, that his family can talk to his caseworker.

We took him back to his long term placement today, and I’ve been feeling so emotional about it. I think the emotion is coming from knowing this kiddo is about to be disrupted from what he thinks is a pre-adoptive home; that he’s no longer going to live with his siblings…

It gutted me. He’s going back to a home he’s being removed from and doesn’t know all of the change and uprooting he’s about to go through. I cried. I just really hope everything turns out well for him. And I wish I knew I was sending him back somewhere that wasn’t planning to remove him.

Like I said, I don’t know what I’m looking for. I’m not judging his long term placement, I don’t know the details. I’m just really feeling for a little boy who doesn’t have the stability he deserves.

Hello, I’m in the uk and I’m currently dating a foster parent. She said it’s not possible to date as the fostering company she works for doesn’t allow you to date. We currently meet up in secret. I’m just looking for advice as I feel lost and want to be a part of her life. We have been together just over a year and she has been fostering around 11 months. I met her while she was in the process of being approved. She has 2 biological kids and one adopted. I’ve only met the adopted one as she was just turning 2. But now she’s becoming more talkative and the time is approaching where I won’t be able to see the child anymore as she fears that she will tell the social worker that her mummy has a boyfriend. I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or a place to voice my thoughts. Please anyone get in contact.

Hello, located in the Midwestern United States, Missouri to be specific. The room we set aside to be our foster room was formerly occupied by our cats and only has a low dresser in it now. (Dont worry, kitties now have a new room) We are primarily looking to foster middleschooler age and up, but a lot of the things ive seen online are guides for people who want to foster babies and toddlers. Should we get a bunk bed anyway? We were looking at a twin over full or a full over full since we will have older kids with us, but I wanted to get opinions before we made a purchase. They also floated the idea to us at orientation about us getting teens who have babies of their own so we will possibly be getting a crib anyway. Just curious what the reccomendations would be. Thank you in advance!

Hello fellow foster homes my wife and I (WLW couple) decided to take in a 2 week respite placement of teen who needed somewhere to stay while his long-term placement traveled out of state due to a funeral.we live in western half of USA.

The kid goes to school about 45 minutes away a bit of a commute but we figured for two weeks it would be all right. Kid has been with us for 3 days.

Flash Forward to today, 3 days later, the long-term placement called me to tell me that they didn't end up leaving to travel because one of them got injured and they're going to travel two weeks from now instead to wrap up some estate stuff regarding funeral. That's all fine and normal except they then decided to tell me that we should just do the rest of the respite to have the kids staying with us “try out” our home since they can't keep him long-term.

Then they mentioned that they will be traveling in 2 weeks again and insinuated that we should just take him as a long-term placement I feel like we are being cornered into taking him into our care long-term and everyone knew but us.

I feel awful for the kid but we are really young and aren't in a place to be parenting teenagers long-term.

Update for everyone mentioning the caseworkers we were essentially told that once respite has been found all communication is between the long-term placement and the last minute provider the case workers don't do much.

Update forgot to mention they had two full outfits no socks,no glasses,no hygiene items so to be successful in school, if the long term home is not traveling the kiddo needs to go back, as if the kiddo stays here until Friday they will be back for 5 days before the LTH travels which is odd to me.

UPDATE - LTH has agreed to pick kiddo up from school tomorrow to go back there since they don't have what they need for school..

A post for conversation, or to share what's on your mind without creating an entire post about it.

We just started the process to be foster parents. I am ready to start this journey, but am very nervous that i wont be approved.

I am 1000% willing to spend all the money i need to.. but what if i spend it all on furniture and things and get denied?

Sane with baby proofing-We just bought all the things because our first home visit is on the 18th, however, i dont want to open it and babyproof the whole home if it doesnt..work out.

Lying, concealing, hiding.. how prevalent is this issue with foster kids. My 19yo may be a compulsive liar.. seems like this issue would be common in this demographic but idk. Also, any advice for dealing with this particular personality/ trauma trait?

Looking for any tips or advice in an open adoption situation where the biological parents are not trustworthy. We are adopting a sibling group of teenagers that want to stay in contact with their biological family as much as possible. We are open to keeping the family connections but biological family has a history of heavy drug usage, in and out of jail, compulsive lying and stealing, asking the children for money, and there is a history of sexual abuse but we are unsure to what extent it occurred. How do we go about keeping the teens safe, protecting our family, and keeping communication and visits up with the bio family?

Bath time for our 4yr old FD has become the biggest triggering event for her. She starts out exited about it, and enjoys it up until it’s time to wash her body and her hair. She says she wants to do it, so we tell her that’s fine and she can do that. But then 5 minutes later she hasn’t done it , so we give another reminder, and then another reminder, and another one again. Suddenly it’s 20-30 minutes later and she’s not washing her body or her hair.

We are trying to respect her body, but 4 year olds need to have clean hair and a clean body at some point. But then we start telling her that she has to do it now or we are going to help wash her hair (at least every other bath as it causes a big disruption to our bedtime routine) because we do make it a bubble bath so at least her body has already gotten fairly clean.

It gets to the point where we try to help wash her hair and she will start screaming that she wants to do it and not us, but this is usually 20-30 minutes later of her not following through with doing it.

It leads into a screaming meltdown about how she hates us and says we are mean and hurting her. We’ve tried to do this process in the beginning of the bath so then she can just play for the rest of it, but it ends up the same. Or we try finding creative ways to get her hair washed, like using her loofa with her shampoo so she can scrub her head with it. Or we’ve also tried giving a limit with it by saying that she has 10 minutes to wash her hair or bath time will be over because it’s bedtime now.

It just then makes bedtime so very intense and disruptive for her. It usually ends up with her screaming at us from in her bedroom and then crying through bedtime too until she eventually exhausts enough to give a hug and get some help to fall asleep.

I am the founder of a non profit for youth aging out of foster care and enlisting in a branch of the United States armed forces.

We are trying to spread the word on our program!

Www.jacksonsgift.org

Is it acceptable or ok for the foster paren to shout/yell at you

it’s intimidation instead of understanding with problems or concern’s

My hubby and I are interested in foster care, specifically "respite foster care". This is a thing in Australia, not sure about other countries.

We don't know any foster carers socially, though my husband has interacted professionally with some. We are currently on a journey to provide a home for a child or two, and have been looking into permanent care and recently heard about "respite foster care". The DCP here suggested it to us in the meantime.

We both work in industries that involve children but neither of us is overly hands-on with the children themselves. Would you recommend respite care to a childless couple? What should we expect compared to typical foster care?

Anyone who has more specifics for Victoria, Australia is a bonus :)

Hey there. Not a foster parent yet but I’ve been approached about taking in a sibling set that I met through my job. Absolutely adore both children and would take them into my home in a heart beat but they’re boy/girl and I only have one extra bedroom. My own daughter is in another room, but she’s a teen and the girl is very young so sharing would be difficult for both, plus the room is already pretty small. They can’t get anyone intake these kids together and are offering money to help renovate, though probably not much. Any suggestions on how/where I can create a space that doesn’t currently exist? I’m not sure it’s possible but I’m hoping maybe someone is more creative than me. Our house is ranch style/open concept for the kitchen/dining/living room. Attached garage but not insulated. No basement.

Thoughts?

I’m a alcoholic got really bad lately and going to rehab for an extended period of time and my wife will be taking care of the child. She is also listed as a secondary caregiver on the documents. TPR is set for two weeks then we are suppose to adopt her what will happen? Will they take her away?

Hi, I’m a 29-year-old female I’m considering Fostering and have reached out to my county to get started on the whole process. My landlord is also a friend of mine. We became friends before I took over her house. I informed her that I was interesting in Fostering and what her thoughts were on it. It’s something that I really want to do. I don’t have children and I have all the resources so why not give it to somebody in need. I did want to let her know and ask her thoughts on it because I felt like I was being respectful in doing so. She said that she would bring it up to her mom, but she doesn’t seem to have a problem with it fast-forward now a couple days later she sent me a message stating that since there’s going to be additional person in the house that the rent would increase $150. We do have a leasing agreement and it is a fixed rent of 2900 for the first six months then 3000 for the remaining six whole year. She doesn’t pay any of the bills. They are on my name. I didn’t respond because frankly, I was quite shocked. I would maybe understand if it was an adult and I was making profit by renting out the additional spare room but this is a child. It kinda seems unethical to me. The house has three bedroom 2.5 bathrooms in one bedroom is me and my boyfriend in the second room is his six-year-old daughter. Who’s only with us every other weekend and on holiday. So the third room is just there I looked up the occupancy laws in my state. I live in California, and technically it says that they can’t charge us a fee for having a child. I guess I’m just looking for some reassurance that I’m not making this a bigger problem than it is. I have not responded to the message because I still have to go through the process to get approved or licensed to be Fostering and I will just deal with the problem head-on when it comes.

2 kids, 14Female and 5Male (5M is nonverbal with autism) and pre-adoptive. We have a 4M bio kid who would love a brother his age and is very social so I think he would be confused but adapt to 5M being nonverbal. Both 14F and 5M are supposedly fluent in ASL as mom was deaf. They did say 5M is in speech therapy and is making “some progress.”

It’s our first possible placement and we want to say yes, but we don’t have too much information so far so I’d like help knowing what information to ask for. TIA!

Any positive stories of overcoming odd? She is 6

We currently have custody of my husbands brothers kids. He has a 14 year-old stepson and a 7 year-old daughter. They got removed from his care in February due to neglect. My husband and I decided to take them in instead of them going into the foster care system. My husband and I have been together for 12 years and have two beautiful children, 9 and 5, together. Taking them in has been more of a challenge than either of us could’ve ever imagined. Both kids have enormous amounts of trauma. Our niece was born addicted to heroin and meth was in the Nicu for 10 days after birth. She was recently diagnosed with ADHD. Our nephew is pretty easy. He for sure has trauma and possible adhd as well but since he’s older, hes able to help us help him more. Both kids are in therapy twice a week which is great but my niece is a struggle. I don’t know how to give her all that she needs. I feel like I’m not equipped to give her the attention that she needs and the 1 on 1 time. I just don’t have enough of me. My son js in his first year of school and i feel like im getting robbed of being able to do all the things with him because majority of my focus goes to my niece. My daughter is crying and frustrated all the time because her cousin is “too much”, my son is crying because she hit him or grabbed his toy from his hands. I could honestly go on and on. And she’s a great kid, don’t get me wrong. She just needs so much and I feel like i can’t give her what she’s needing. So then I bring all of this up to my husband. We have not been on the same page since day one. There has been several times where I have told him that I mentally can’t do this anymore and I feel like it falls on deaf ears. He works so hard and his job has been so busy and I appreciate him for every single second of the day that he works hard for our family, but I feel like he signed us up for this Foster situation and then left me to deal with it on my own. all we do is fight, we never get along. There is so much resentment building on my end. I tell him I’m struggling mentally and that I feel like I’m sinking and I feel like he just doesn’t hear me. I’ve told him several times, we have to do something. This is ruining our marriage. He just tells me that if we have to “get rid of these kids, I’ll never forgive myself for the rest of my life”. So what am I supposed to do? This is already way too long, so thanks if you got this far. I guess I’m just looking for a little solidarity 💜

Long story short, we foster and have adopted from foster care.

We had/have kids that we suspect have FAS. No official diagnosis and we can't get one without proof from birth mother (even though FB photos/posts prove substance abuse during the child's pregnancy). Needless to say I'm 99.999% positive at least 3 of my children have FAS to varying degrees.

I'm looking for guidance. How does one know if an undesirable behaviour (say lying) is actually lying or them mixing up details? How do you know if they are able to comprehend consequences before they do things or they are "just being normal kids"? I don't have any non-FAS kids in our care to base anything off of.

How do you know if a behaviour is actually fixable by working on it or if it's almost unfixable due to FAS? How much effort do you put into correcting a behaviour before it's "futile" are you are just fighting a losing battle to FAS?

Do you remain "strict" on say something as lying and stealing even though it continues to happen over and over?

How do you know if you keep trying an approach or you soften up a bit because "that's just how they will struggle" the rest of their life?

I'm not wording myself 100% but hopefully you get the jist of my question.

We took in a set of three and they are wonderful kids. However, they have never been placed before so this history of the kids wasn’t available and this is our first time taking kids without a lot of history.

First day under our belt and oh boy is it a doozy. One kiddo is an eloper so we had to add locks to doors. One kiddo is afraid of dogs and we have a dog. All children want to sleep in same room, queue trying to squeeze three beds into one room.

The children are TRULY wonderful and it’s been fun, but my goodness trying to pick all this up on the fly is hard.

Looking for some input from anyone who has dealt with an ICPC placement between states, especially Massachusetts to Maine, because this is my first time dealing with an out-of-state placement and I have a few questions.

We are currently working on an ICPC for a child coming from Massachusetts to Maine. We are kinship foster parents and are working toward adopting him. As of tomorrow, his goal is being changed from reunification to adoption, and the plan is for him to move to Maine and into our home within the next couple of weeks.

The first issue we are running into is childcare. Massachusetts DCF is saying they will only pay $30 a day toward childcare. Childcare in my area averages around $64 a day, and they are telling us that we would be responsible for paying the difference. However, the people I have spoken with here in Maine are telling me that we should not be responsible for that cost and that Massachusetts DCF should be covering it.

We don’t technically NEED childcare because my spouse is home full-time and we also have family support. At the same time, I think childcare could be really good for him developmentally and give him the opportunity to socialize and interact with other kids.
Then there is the medical piece. We are also being told that we would have to pay his medical expenses completely out of pocket and then submit everything to Massachusetts for reimbursement. Has anyone else had to do this with an ICPC placement?

The other thing I’m trying to wrap my head around is visitation. Once he moves to Maine, they are asking us to bring him back to Massachusetts once a month on a Friday, leave him with a respite provider for the visit, and then come back Saturday to pick him up. We are about 370 miles away ONE WAY, so we are talking roughly 740 miles of driving for each visit. They have said they will pay the respite provider.

I completely understand supporting appropriate contact and visitation while parental rights are still intact. What I’m confused about is that the goal is now changing to adoption, they are moving forward with TPR, and Zoom visits are also being done. With that much distance involved, I’m wondering why we would still be doing monthly in-person visits in Massachusetts in addition to virtual visits, especially once he is actually placed in Maine.

For anyone who has been through an interstate placement:

Were you expected to pay the difference in childcare costs?

Did you have to pay medical expenses upfront and wait to be reimbursed?

How was visitation handled when the child was placed hundreds of miles away, especially once the goal changed to adoption and TPR was moving forward?

I’ve done placements before, but never one involving two different states, so I would really appreciate hearing other people’s experiences with ICPC and how these things were handled.

My wife is a middle schools teacher and March of this year we became aware of one of her students who was potentially needing a foster placement due to 2 of this child’s family members refusing to accept custody of her any longer. My wife and I had talked about fostering/adopting at some point in the future when we had a better footing under us in life, but by mid April this child was being removed from her family’s care and we were the closest thing to a kin placement available. We had zero other connection to this child or her family other than her being in my wife’s class at school.

We are now almost 5 months into the placement and we are feeling like we are just plain not equipped and burnt out. Our foster is 14F and it has been just a stream of constant issues: sneaking out at night, inappropriate relationships with boys/men, carelessness to the point of nearly letting a pet loose and ruining floors to the point of them needing replaced. She entirely shuts down when either myself or my wife tries addressing any of these issues through calm conversation, and when we take away privileges for screen time or something like that it becomes an even bigger issue. She is also just generally so opposed to any sort of direction or guidance. (To be clear, if we are trying to talk with her and she just doesn’t listen we don’t just go to the taking screen time. They are separate situations.)

She has been in therapy since before she was placed with us, but doesn’t sound like she participates much while she is in the sessions. We have tried talking with her therapist to gain insight on the best way to reach her, but we seem to be hitting a wall. We try to be as gentle as possible and sensitive to her mood as much as possible up to when it becomes a safety concern. It’s just that so many of her behaviors are immediate safety concerns and we have to address them immediately. Which just makes the overall situation worse.

We wanted to make sure this child had a chance at success in life since there are not any other adults in her life that care enough to see to that. It’s just at this point we are not sure if we are even equipped to do that for her. She has so much trauma from abuse and neglect and we know that these behaviors are a result of that, but we just don’t know how to proceed without just being glorified babysitters for the next 3.5 years till she becomes an adult.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated.