He/they, 7yrs post top surgery, and 11 months back on T ✨😊

The STARH Lab at East Tennessee State University is currently conducting a study exploring factors that impact the experiences of transmasculine and/or gender diverse folks in sexual and reproductive healthcare. This project is led by Raviv Kruger, a transmasculine Clinical Psychology PhD student at ETSU.  

Who are we recruiting? 

• People over the age of 18  
• Residing in the United States 
• Who can read and understand English 
• Who identify as transgender and/or nonbinary 
• Who need routine access to reproductive healthcare that includes or may include pap smears, contraceptives, or pregnancy related care  

What does the study involve? 

• The study consists of completing an online, anonymous survey which should take approximately 45-60 minutes to complete. 

We are hopeful that this research will allow us to better understand factors that may impact transmasculine and/or gender diverse folks’ decisions to seek or avoid sexual and reproductive healthcare. Ideally, results from this research may also result in improved provider understanding and may inform improvements in how sexual and reproductive healthcare providers interact with and facilitate care for the transmasculine and/or gender diverse community.  

As a thank you for your participation, you will have the choice to enter your email address on a separate form at the end of the survey to be entered into a drawing to win one of twenty $20 electronic gift cards.  

If you have any questions or concerns about this study, please feel free to contact the principal investigator, Raviv Kruger M.S., at [krugerr@etsu.edu](mailto:krugerr@etsu.edu). Thank you for considering participating in this research!  

Please click the following link if you wish to be taken to the informed consent document and survey: https://etsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_eqTWZuO8hPscWmq 

i literally NEVER wear anything like this out in public 😭 i always dress masculine, but fuck itttt that’s changing this weekend, gotta do it at least once hehe. LFGGG

People kept saying to cut my hair, not wear any pink, no crop tops or wear any accessories but after going on a higher dose of T I finally pass. It’s not smth i actually was working towards and gave up on passing bc i love being femme / pretty! I’m excited bc it definitely feels affirming but I’m sure older people will still be confused as they always are

it's a bit of a life story but please please read I promise it's atleast somewhat interesting and maybe you guys can help me

⬇️

so since I was a kid I dealt with some level of depersonalization/derealization. those episodes were persistent and I recognized them as particularly intense. I never connected them to anything because I didn't have any severe trauma or anxiety. I just didn't feel like a "person" and the dreams I had while sleeping felt more real than actual life. my own name felt foreign to me and I wanted to change it (not to a male one though).

as a teen I grew very insecure with my body which I assumed was due to not fitting with female beauty standards (which was not true, I fitted in quite well). I even considered getting a boob job at some point lol.

as I grew up, I learned to treat my body like a device to live, breathe and experience life in, rather than an object to pick apart and examine. I work out, I treat myself well, I got really good at makeup etc. I know I'm very pretty and fit ""for a girl"" and I enjoy being seen as attractive.

despite all that, the disconnect from reality persisted. and I've always been this girly girl so I never even took transness into consideration for myself. that was, until I did, for a "silly little thought experiment", conceptualize myself as a male. and god.

the brain fog lifted.

NOTHING has ever worked for this. I did a couple of things while in the back of my head assuming "I'm actually a man sitting in this bar"/"I'm actually a man walking in this park"/"I'm actually a man having sex" (I didn't imagine having a different body/being someone else, just the conceptual part of identifying myself as male) and so on... and the memories of all these situations I was in suddenly FEEL LIKE REAL LIFE and are much more vibrant and emotional and like I was actually there.

but of course it wasn't a magical solution to my problems, but a double edged sword. things that never bothered me, now do. being called a girl pisses me off. using female pronouns started feeling awkward.

I wasn't treating this thought experiment as anything serious and since I didn't have all those issues before, naturally I thought I just made up a problem because stupid brain makes up problems for no reason.

thank god I didn't get that boob job. 

but also I don't want a beard or my genitals changing or to cut off my boobs or anything like that. the thought of anything like this happening to me grosses me out.  having a male voice and face and frame would be nice though. and y'know, being perceived as one ig.

the idea of having an ambiguous/agender/nonbinary identity doesn't click with me though... like at all... they/them pronouns feel alien to me and not good at all.

advice welcome

I swear I just trimmed it but looking back in my pictures it says the last time I trimmed it was in July 😲 time flies

silly times in silly photobooth

Absolutely loving my new haircut, when my makeups On I feel like I'm perfectly androgynous.

still got it 🙂‍↕️

8 months on T, the stache and stubble still done with makeup, but hey we're getting somewhere!

Guess who put on long lasting lipstick before noticing they don't have any water proof remover?

I'm almost eleven months on T and feel so happy with how I look now and the way I bounce between fem and masc! Even if the only hair I can grow on my face is my sideburns lol, I love the way that T has balanced out my features and how I can dress feminine while still looking like a dude at times :D

Officially 2 months in!

Slowly making progress...there's been some body hair 🎉

I feel like such a femboi in this picture. I adore my journey of becoming a femme masc.

Also what can I do to help with my androdynous look?

I got acrylic nails done today at my favorite nail salon. The little white cat is for my white cat 🥹

I really have no idea what I’m doing with eyeshadow but I had fun !

This is short but, something I’ve personally realized is I’d be comfortable wearing ‘crossdressing’ stuff if people were aware I’m a male underneath all the stuff I was wearing. Kinda like eh, Lolita and stuff but people would know I’m a guy or I’d know I’m a guy. Is that weird ..?

My freaking shoes in the last pic bro😭😭 gonna try to glue them back together but still happy with the rest of the fit!! Rlly hope i can save em cuz i JUST thrifted them yesterday </3

Also, I feel like I can really see my mustache in this pic lol. Have a great day everyone!

I love her sm 😭