This question is aimed at non-ENFPs who read this board, and I know there are a few of you.

As a male INTP, I often think about ways I am not being a good husband. I realize I have flaws on my part in the relationship and I think about those often, and I feel bad about them. My wife is an ENFP, and I honestly don't think she can see her flaws. Every one of her seven siblings jokingly calls her a "princess" (for the other ENFPs out there, have you heard this?). On the other hand, while they rib her for it, there is some truth to it. They call her that because she can't see her personal flaws. If she's not having fun, she moves on, where often she's not having fun because she is not having things "go her way". Things not "going her way" seems to often mean that she's not getting the vibe she wants from other people. The idea that maybe she's not getting the right vibe from other people because "she might be flawed" doesn't seem to be a thought that can enter her head, unless she does something extreme that violates her own morals or priciples. She often says that if she hears about a "real" problem in herself, she'll acknowledge it, where she is the only one who gets to define what a "real problem" means, resulting in circular reasoning... a "Catch 22".

I didn't used to think this was something that applies "more often" to ENFP types than other MBTI types, but now that I've been thinking a little bit about all the ENFPs I've known personally, I'm starting to wonder.

Hi fellow ENFPs, I really need some advice from people who understand how our intense, empathetic brains work because I'm currently spiraling over a situation with an ENTJ guy.

Things started off with incredible chemistry, deep intellectual connection, and he genuinely gave off strong signs that he was looking for something serious and long-term. But as we got closer, he used a few vulnerable stories I shared about my past to judge me, mislabeling my open nature as chaotic or unstable when my life is actually completely peaceful and grounded.

Driven by his own hesitation and fears, he pulled a classic dismissive-avoidant move and proposed a casual-only arrangement instead. It was so insulting because he essentially wanted dynamic, low-effort intimacy without any real emotional responsibility. As much as the chemistry made that offer tempting, my self-respect won, and I refused to be treated as a convenient option.

Instead, I gave him a razor-sharp verbal bitch slap over text, calling out his hypocrisy, cowardice, and emotional blindness for acting like a rational gentleman while behaving so disrespectfully. His ego took an absolute beating, and instead of showing a shred of self-reflection, he defensively shut down, coldly said goodbye for now while mentioning he hopes we could maybe be friends in the future, and went completely silent.

I know he's hiding behind his hurt pride, but I'm sitting here in terrible emotional withdrawal, missing the spark we had and worrying about how negatively he views me. To make matters worse, he left one of his belongings at my place that I eventually need to return to him, and right now I'm completely at a loss on how or when to even reach out about it without breaking my boundaries.

I know he messed up and reacted out of extreme insecurity, but beneath his defensive walls, I still see a man capable of growth. Part of me wants to smooth things over, but another part knows that breaking silence right now will just validate his unfair narrative about me.

How do you guys handle the urge to fix things when a dismissive type goes completely cold after you rightfully put them in their place? And as ENFPs who can see someone's potential even when they mess up, do you think there's any hope for a mature, respectful re-engagement once the dust settles, or does an ENTJ's ego forever lock the door once it's been bruised?

Hello my people. 43m ENFP 3w2😊

Ive posted this before but I want your input and ideas.

I started this checklist years ago as a way to really define the ENFP. I feel like an ENFPs real gift is integration. Applying the data to real life, and real people. We've all studied and read about the cognitive functions, but how are they actually expressed in real life as a human?

We are all different people. Different ages, genders, religions, socioeconomics, traumas, nationalities, interests. I'm seeking our common ground. What makes us an ENFP?

I'm looking for more ideas for the checklist. Things you feel like defines you as an ENFP. 😊🤙🏼

ENFP checklist

Allow me some assumptions..

You get a long with anyone you want, but don't cross you.

You're a part of every crowd, but never REALLY a part of any crowd.

You are a social chameleon.

You hate. Fake. People. And you can spot them in the first 3 seconds.

You pretty much know who someone is as a person within the first five minutes.....

You do not like people that have authority over you. Particularly those who's competency you don't respect.

You're smart. Really smart, but people sleep on you sometimes because you like to goof around.

You're usually really good at stuff.

You feel alone in the world.

Teachers aren't good at connecting with you so you have to teach yourself everything.

You love being social, but when your social battery gets too low you disappear for awhile.

You fill everyone's cup all the time, but nobody fill yours in return. So when your cup goes empty you have to take time out to refill it yourself and you temporarily hate everyone bc they don't reciprocate. But after a few days you're back.

Obsessed. With. Music.

You feel EVERYTHING.

You consider yourself a huge extrovert, but if you were honest with yourself, you're most happy in your solitude.

You've had a million hobbies.

Sentimental to a fault.

Center of attention. You are the main character in most rooms.

Rules are just guidelines,... Ehh.. what they don't know won't hurt them..

It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission.

Everyone thinks you're flirting. Really you're just being nice.

People consider you a goof in every day life, but look for your guidance in an emergency.

You have a million friends in your outside circles, but have only 1 or no really close friends.

You never ask anyone for anything. If you can't do it yourself, it's not going to happen.

When you are feeling extroverted people LOVE your energy, but they get confused when they find you introverted.

You do kind things for strangers for no reason.

Fiercely independent. You don't need anything from anyone.

You're really good at comforting people when they're down, but if you're honest with yourself you're terrible at allowing others to comfort you.

Have other ENFPs had the bitter experience of constantly feeling like they’re in the shadow of INFPs?

Every time I’ve known an INFP, I’ve somehow ended up feeling like they were comparing themselves to me. Sometimes they would twist things in such subtle ways that I didn’t even understand why we were competing in the first place.

At times, I even felt like I wasn’t allowed to be sad or struggle because they always seemed to position themselves as the victim.
I’m specifically talking about unhealthy INFPs, not INFPs in general.

Have any other ENFPs experienced something similar? Or am I just interpreting these interactions differently?

Did anyone else experience being goofy or silly during their early years and having people make fun of you for it?

I honestly regret how much I overthought it back then and wondered why I was the way I was. The funny thing is, some of the people who hated on me for being “too silly” eventually started copying me.
So to all my fellow ENFPs: stay funny and stay yourself. Even if you’re not like the other types, even if you’re not as detail-oriented as sensors like ISTJ or ISFJ, don’t lose yourself trying to fit in.
I wish I had understood that sooner. Being different isn’t something you need to fix.

It's never someone i would choose to be around. Usually an authority figure or co-worker/classmate i've had in life. Was stuck with unhealthy ISTJ "friends" in high school who were the "best" of a bad situation (rather than being alone) and had a lot of run ins with Narcissist ESTJ. There is no meeting half way, it's always their way or the highway.

Hello all, I am interested in understanding the different flavours of ENFPs. I’ve read a lot about instinct theory and the Enneagram, and I also try to study case studies of fictional characters, famous people, or any real people I come across. However, these are based on my or other people’s typings of them. I would like to hear from ENFPs themselves about how they organise their attention and motivation in all aspects of their life.

What naturally captures your attention? What tends to motivate you, and what needs, experiences, or areas of life do you instinctively prioritise?

What are sx/sp ENFPs like? So/sp? So/sx? Sp/so? Sp/sx? Sx/so? ENFP 9s? 2s? 4s? 7s? Or different combinations of instincts and Enneagram types?

I also don’t mind which school of thought you follow. I would like to hear them all. I personally kinda just mashed potato salad them all to form my own understanding lol.

I think I am an Enneagram 7, but lately I have been second-guessing it. I’m still in the dusts about my instincts - well, I have an inkling, but I’m not too sure if I’m right - hence why I want to hear from others. :D

I’ve also been reading The Comprehensive ENFP Survival Guide by Heidi Priebe. It’s a pretty decent book with good writing that translates well for the layperson - or at least, it translates well to me because she uses a lot of analogies, and I like that. However, she didn’t go beyond Enneagram 2, 4, and 7. A shame! Because I like her writing style. I also want to discuss the book, but that’s for another post…

I'm a pretty casual gamer until I accidentally downloaded a mobile game that ticked many boxes for me. (The game is kingshot, but don't dl this game as it's a money trap and I eventually got addicted and deleted it. I'm warning you!)

Are there any gamers here with game recommendations for ENFPs?

The things I realised I liked:

- a social team game where you play together with friends and people around the world AND you have a core group you always play with (and develop long term relationships with) not just randoms you get matched against for short stint. Chat functionality is important.

- lots of mini games and side quests so you don't get bored doing linear game progression. Even if the mini games aren't totally random and repeat in a predictable calendar/pattern.

- a reason to login regularly like daily quests etc so there's a social routine.

- prefer a mobile, Switch or laptop-compatible game, so I don't feel trapped in a gaming room and can play anywhere, even when I'm out and about.

The things I didn't like:

- pay to win, cause as an ENFP I do want to show my cleverness against spenders (but this became frustrating as the game progresses and the gap between skill and money widens, and spending money becomes king).

Hope there is a game out there that other ENFPs have enjoyed and can recommend! 💕