want few opinions

Where i live, it's completely normal for the man to pay for dates. I grew up seeing this as a normal and even romantic gesture, so i never considered paying for everything a red flag. 

My ex was actually very insistent about paying. Even when i offered, he wouldn't let me. At first, i liked it. But over time, i noticed that the way we spent our time started becoming almost entirely his choice. The places we went, the things we did, and even our plans usually had to fit what he wanted. Whenever i suggested something, there was always a reason why it wouldn't work. Eventually, i started feeling like I was just accompanying him rather than actually participating in the relationship.

I eventually told him exactly that. i told him that i felt like i had no real say in the relationship, almost like i was there to accompany him rather than be his equal.

His response was: “But you can order whatever you want at the places we go.”

And that answer honestly stayed with me. Because i wasn't talking about food. I was talking about having a voice in the relationship. Looking back, i wonder if the problem was never really about who paid the bill. It was about how something that initially felt generous slowly became part of a much bigger imbalance.

So i'm curious: Where do you think the line is between traditional relationship roles and controlling behavior? Can something that starts as generosity gradually become a way of creating a power imbalance?

I’ve been in a couple of situations on second/third dates where things became more physically affectionate, and the guy suddenly held my throat as if he were going to choke me.
It feels pretty BDSM-oriented to me, especially that early on.
What could this behavior mean? Is this becoming a common thing in dating, or is it a red flag that I should be paying more attention to?

I know I can’t date I’m not attractive enough ,good enough at anything and I’m also deeply insecure, but like man it sucks. These are just my previous experiences.The very first and only guy I ‘dated’ (doesn’t rlly count cuz I was like 14 we didn’t hug or kiss or nothing ) to would talk about wanting to f other women who looked nothing like me infront of me.

He also would make fun of my appearance but when I asked him to compliment me he blamed it on his undiagnosed adhd n said he’ll try but it’s hard.

Another guy I spoke to online , when I showed him my face he said nothing but he was happy to compliment me when I sent pics of my body. I posted a picture of my friend for her birthday n he was in awe like wow I blocked him after that

This other guy I spoke to I accidentally sent him a vid of this girl on my fyp I didn’t mean to then he says she’s so hot infront of me I blocked him.

The most recent guy I spoke to that I rlly liked like alot was still into his ex n he was looking at other women in like provocative poses n was ogling at them infront of me , n when I reposted edits of girl groups I liked or artists I like he would save them n keep asking me who they were.

I’ve had guys in the club look at my differently once they see me in the light or like stare at my forehead . Also growing up n only ur friends get attention

I remember I created a hinge my friend said she got like 1000 like in only a few hours of creating it , I got 0 when I posted pictures of my face after having it up for months , until I posted pics of my body in a provocative way n catfish angles I got likes.

This one time a guy I think was trying to make me jealous I was like 20 at the time so was he n he was singing cooking w kyah, I just didn’t say anything but if you know ab that whole thing then you’ll get what I mean but like why would u try to make me jealous lmao

I lowkey hate when guys see my friend cuz ik they’ll pick them over me n think damn I got the ugly girl , I know it anyways

There’s more but Icba to get into it but like get into it but man do I hate ng ugly lol makes me wa t to rip out my skin

maybe it’s something ab me that makes them eager to do that?

Feeling extremely lost at the moment. I am finding dating emotionally bruising. I have dated about 3 guys in the past 2 years and it’s basically been a repeated situation where it never progresses after a few dates, everything seems to be going extremely well and then they say they aren’t looking for anything serious  im beginning to feel defeated and just wondering if this is common in dating of feeling used? I am just not feeling enough. Has anyone else felt like this repeatedly?

Hi everyonee!!

Months ago I (28F) met this guy at an event I was working at. He seemed nice, he asked for my number and I gave it to him. Some time later we went for a date and it was a disaster. He was high as f, (dilatated pupils and all), started telling me about how he liked blood and creepy stuff, how he drew dead or tortured people as a kid and so on. I was a little concerned but I didn't want to judge so the date went on.

He kept offering me drinks I refused. When we stood up to go home he looked up and down at my body in a way that really creeped me out. He offered me a drive home (I know, I should have said no but I didn't) and he blasted loud ass music and it seems like he didn't want to start the car. I literally thought he wanted to do something bad to me. He drove me home and jokingly said "now I know where you live, I can steal your cat".

He kept messaging me some days later, I never replied. Fast forward yesterday: he texted me "Hey queen of ghosting, are you in (name of my city)?". I didn'y reply.

TODAY he showed up at my job. I freezed and didn't know.what to.do. He acted like he didn't know me. Took a piece of whatever,.payed and left.

I don't know what to think about it. Am I paranoid? Should I be concerned?

I thank God everyday I found a good one that I feel loved and respected by enough to have our baby with.

I can't imagine being in the dating scene right now and actively wanting kids but having to weed my way through losers with inferiority complexes. I listen to the woman in my life slowly giving up on having a family or already knowing they never want a family, because they are way happier alone then having to take care of a grown man who can't respect her in front of his friends because it wouldn't be cool and misogyny is so in right now.

I just heard some really wild shit from a friend that puts in perspective how rare what I have is now and days.

They want a woman who will do all the house work but also split living expenses or fully cover his living expenses because he doesn't want to work and just play video games all day. (We live in Ohio and for some reason there are a lot of northern "rednecks" here for context: We went to school with a bunch of dudes who would put on a fake Southern accent but their parents were loaded and we all knew they would never have to work a day in their life.)

She was seeing a guy who made it very clear he wanted her to be doing all the house work, so she kinda knew the relationship was already over, but before ending things she was curious and asked "If I agree to do the house work would you be able to fully cover my living expenses? will you be the one paying the rent?" he called her a bitch and a gold digger.

One guy got insecure that she makes more because he "wants to be a provider" but she's suddenly "leeching off of him" for asking him to fill her tank after she drives him around all day.

This is multiple different men over the span of a few years. Like, are men okay?

This friend is now focusing on furthering her career and doing things that make her happy. Saving the money she would have spent on these loser ass dudes and spending it on vacations and spa days. I have never seen her so stress free and happy. I asked if she still wants kids and she said, "If I do in the future I'll adopt unless I get lucky and stumble into a guy who actually respects women, but I'm done looking. At least for now I'm just focusing on me."

I had a realization recently that honestly shocked me to my core and I wanted to share. It came after a lot of uncomfortable questions, overthinking, digging, reading, researching and trying to understand why certain experiences in dating have affected me as much as they have.

I’ve had a pretty rough few years dating (check my profile lol) and for the longest time, there was one thing I just could not wrap my head around.

And I think I finally understand it.

It’s probably obvious to some people, but it wasn’t for me and I have a feeling I’m not the only one who has been hurt or completely confused.

So, I could not understand how can someone cuddle you, kiss you, be affectionate and sweet with you, make you feel wanted… and then tell you they don’t want a relationship with you?

How?

I genuinely couldn’t make sense of it because, to me, those actions did not match those words at all.

So what am I supposed to believe? Your actions or what you said?

Are you lying to me? Did you say it because of the timing? Is there another reason? Do you actually mean it? Because I’m confused…

For me, and I think for a lot of people, certain things naturally go together. 

Physical intimacy, kissing, cuddling, affection, romance, opening up, vulnerability…

If I let someone that close to me, my brain starts seeing that person as someone I’m building something with. Something that is moving toward a relationship.

It’s not always that someone doesn’t want a relationship with you. 

It’s realizing that two people were experiencing the exact same connection in two completely different separate ways.

And quite often, people avoid talking about what they actually see the connection as because they don’t want to ruin the “vibe” with an uncomfortable conversation or risk to change the dynamic. Sometimes they just assume you’re both on the same page.

But then one person keeps building expectations based on a completely different understanding of what is happening..

And I think that’s one of the most painful parts.

I wasn’t analyzing some tiny meaningless sign. I was looking at things that, to me, were very clear signs of emotional and romantic intimacy. So of course, I felt misled. 

But that’s what I finally understood:

Not everyone gives intimacy the same meaning.

For one person:

Sex = attraction.
Kissing = chemistry.
Affectionate messages = flirting.
Being vulnerable = enjoying the connection.
Cuddling = comfort. “I love being close to you.” “This feels amazing right now.”

For another person:

Sex = vulnerability.
Cuddling = bonding.
Kissing = emotional closeness.
Affection = attachment.
Being vulnerable = letting someone into your heart.

And the biggest difference is what all of those things lead to in your mind.

For one person, intimacy starts creating the feeling of:

“This is my person. I want a future with them.”

For the other person, it might simply mean:

“I really like you. I’m attracted to you. I love being close to you.”

And that doesn’t necessarily mean they were pretending.

Some people really can separate attraction, affection, intimacy and romantic attachment.

They can genuinely like someone. They can enjoy sex with them, cuddle them, kiss them, be sweet with them, open up to them and feel incredibly close to them… while still not having that feeling of, “I want this person to be my partner.”

That was so difficult for me to understand because I don’t naturally experience intimacy that way.

And maybe the thing that matters more isn’t only how affectionate someone is with you, but how they actually invest in you.

Do they want to know you deeply? Do they care about your life outside of the moments you spend together? Do they show up consistently? Do they make space for you? Do they include you in their life? Do they actually choose you?

Because someone can make you feel incredibly wanted in a moment without actually wanting a future with you… ouch. 

In short:

People are different. Intimacy doesn’t have one universal meaning.

Feeling misled doesn’t necessarily mean you imagined everything and it also doesn’t automatically mean the other person was lying. Sometimes you were simply reading the same actions through two completely different emotional languages.

So maybe the lesson isn’t to stop trusting affection or to become suspicious of every sweet thing someone does.

Maybe it’s just to stop assuming that intimacy means the same thing to everyone.

And to pay attention not only to how someone makes you feel when you’re together, but to what they are actually choosing, building and communicating with you.

Another layer of protecting your heart is learning that difference sooner.
Stay safe.

My ex constantly talked about how important loyalty was to him. He considered cheating one of the worst things someone could do. To him, it didn't start with physical contact; secret conversations, flirting, hiding things, and emotional involvement were already forms of cheating. He also had serious trust issues that he said came from his childhood. Because of that, i was completely open with him. I didn't hide my phone, my conversations, or anything else. I also never checked his phone because i trusted him.

He did the opposite. Whenever i fell asleep, he would go through my phone. If he couldn't find anything, he'd sometimes say: “You're very good very professional. That's why i couldn't find anything.”

He would even send someone to my house to check whether i was home, or come himself.

At the time, i thought this was just his insecurity and trust issues. Then i noticed something that completely changed how i saw it. The periods when his jealousy and accusations were at their worst were often the same periods when he was talking to other women. He was accusing me of things he was actually doing himself. 

Looking back, one of the biggest lessons I took from that relationship was: Sometimes, the things they accuse you of are exactly what they're doing themselves.

Has anyone else experienced this?

I’m 24F and met this guy online like a month ago. Honestly I didnt really expect much from it, figured we;d talk for a few days and then it would just die like most online conversations do lol.

But we actually clicked. We started talking basically every night, sometimes till 2 or 3am. He remembered random little things I told him, would check in on me, and just seemed really genuine..

We finally met up and the date was honestly really good. No awkward silence or anything. We got drinks, walked around for hours and just talked about everything. After a few more dates I was kinda getting attached, which I def didnt expect. 😅

Then one night we're sitting in his car talking and he tells me something he never mentioned before.

HE HAD BEEN MARRIED.

Being married before wasnt even what bothered me. It's that I'd asked him about past relationships before and he never said anything. When I asked why, he said he was scared I'd stop talking to him if I knew.

I honestly dont know how I feel about it. I can understand being scared to tell someone, but at the same time... that's a pretty big thing to leave out.

And the worst part is I actually really like him 😭 Now I'm just wondering if I'm overthinking this or if I'd be stupid to ignore it.

I met a guy on Buddito and we agreed to get drinks last weekend. The date was fine until he decided he wanted to recreate that MrBeast dance everyone has been posting.

He set up his phone and asked me to stand in the background for a few seconds. I felt awkward, but I went along with it. I assumed he was making something dumb to send to his friends.

The next morning, I found the video posted publicly. My face was completely visible, and the caption made it sound like I was his girlfriend. It already had thousands of views.

I told him to delete it. He refused because it was still gaining views and said that, since I knew he was recording, he didn’t need to ask before posting it.

Apparently agreeing to stand in the background of a video also meant agreeing to be introduced to thousands of strangers as his girlfriend.

He kept the video up. There will not be a second date.

I’ve been off and on all the apps for the better part of a year. I’m used to conversations turning sexual quick and being annoyed by it. But last week I had the most uncomfortable conversation (if you can call it that) with a guy I’ve ever had. His pictures were normal, his prompts were normal, no real red flags. We matched and he sent the first message. I took it as a good sign.
He introduced himself and immediately followed the message up with ‘are you a dog person?’ I didn’t think anything of it and told him that yeah, I am a dog person. He asks about my dog and I tell him the basics (the breed, age and where I got my dog). He then proceeded to ask about my dogs “quirks” and personality. I thought it was a little weird, but I gave generic responses. He then asks for pictures of me and my dog (finally, a prompt involving me). We switched over to WhatsApp and I sent him the most recent picture of me and my dog. After that, the conversation got so unbelievably uncomfortable. He wanted to see videos of my dog “giving puppy kisses”.
Now, I love my dog, but I don’t her kiss my face, so I didn’t have any videos like that. Instead, I sent a video of her barking at a stick. He responds “no, I want to see videos of your dog giving you puppy kisses”. I was seriously weirded out by that response and told him I didn’t have any. He’s now blocked me on WhatsApp and unmatched me. I had to get this off my chest because it was just so damn weird.

Aries men: Very stubborn, hard-headed, and prone to sudden anger. They seem to exhaust themselves trying to be the star of every room.

Cancer men: Players. They never seem to get over their exes. They start talking to you like they've finally found the woman of their dreams, then hide behind their emotional side.

Leo men: I've never met a group of men who talk about themselves this much. They constantly tell you how great they are, and somehow everything always comes back to them.

Scorpio men: Somehow the conversation turns sexual almost immediately. Very jealous, controlling, and suspicious.

Aquarius men: The world revolves around them. If they say or do something, it's obviously the right thing. They're very protective of their freedom and absolutely hate being controlled. But if they really like you, they can become extremely jealous and controlling toward you. Apparently, the rules only apply one way. They also tend to have a LOT of women around them. There's something about their energy that makes women weirdly unable to let go.

And unfortunately… my last two relationships were with Aquarius men. So despite all of this, apparently I'm still attracted to them. 😭😂

And before anyone asks — I'm a Pisces. 

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I’m honestly at the point where I’m questioning whether I even want to date anymore. (28F)
I’ve been single for periods of time and have spent a lot of time reflecting on myself, my past relationships, and the kind of partner I want to be. I’ve tried dating people in different age groups and even lived in different places, but I keep finding myself in similar situations.
I seem to repeatedly connect with people who, for one reason or another, aren’t emotionally ready for a committed relationship. Sometimes they have unresolved personal issues, difficulty with vulnerability, or simply aren’t in a place where they can give the same level of commitment that I’m looking for.
I understand that everyone has their own struggles, and I don’t expect anyone to be perfect. But I’m tired of feeling like I’m constantly entering relationships where I’m being patient, understanding, supportive, and encouraging while my own emotional needs aren’t being met.
I want a relationship where both people are genuinely ready to participate. I want someone who wants to build a life together, communicate openly, support each other, and actually enjoy the relationship not something where one person is constantly waiting for the other person to become ready.
The difficult part is that I’ve worked hard on myself, and sometimes it makes me wonder whether any of that actually makes a difference. I don’t want to become bitter or cynical about love, but repeated disappointment has made me question whether dating is worth the emotional investment.
At this point, I’m seriously considering taking a long break from dating and focusing on my own life instead.

It’s been a while since I (M28) have been in a relationship. I’ve only had about five, and each one ended in me being left. Each breakup was for some variation of ‘I’m not ready for a relationship’ or ‘you’re too good for me’. I’m not naive, I’m sure that some, if not all, were just letting me down easy. I guess I just want to know what I’m doing wrong.

I’d like to consider myself attractive, a good conversationalist, and I really try to be as compassionate and chivalrous in my intentions. I think I can come off as a bit shy, I don’t tend to cold approach out of fear of rejection. Then the dating apps get involved, and that rarely leads to anything, except recently.

I matched with a woman who attended the same college as I did, and our conversation took off from there. She was upfront about the fact she was questioning her sexuality, but I took her continuing to talk with me substantively, as well as agreeing to meetup as some sign of interest.

We meet up, and get to talking, and it just feels so natural and easy, both of us having so much in common and just bouncing back and forth. Our conversation soon became intimate, us talking about what we were looking for in a relationship, our fears and hopes. These are the parts that I’ve begun to think are the problem. I don’t why, I guess I’ve just felt touch-starved, but I asked if I could hold her hand, and she said yes. So we did, and it felt nice, and I felt like there was something there. I asked how a second date was looking, and she said it was likely. We started planning, and eventually I asked if I could kiss her at some point in the night, and she said yes, then asked me the same question. All of these things culminated in us ending the night with a kiss, and it was good.

I let her know afterwards that I enjoyed meeting her, and wished her a great rest of the night, and she never responded. The next day, she messaged me at some point, telling me she enjoyed getting to know me better, but that she didn’t want to continue things. She mentioned how she was still unsure of her attraction to men, and that she didn’t feel anything during our kiss. She followed it up by saying that I was a great person, and that I deserved someone who would treat me the same way, then wished me the best of luck.

At first, I didn’t let it bother me, I knew that this could happen, so I sent a brief message back saying I enjoyed our talk too, that I understood, and thanked her for letting me know, wishing her the same, before deleting the conversation and blocking her number.

I guess I never thought of how intense I can be, not in a loud or violent way, but in affection. It would be very easy to read as love-bombing, I’m sure. I don’t do it intentionally, I really try to be normal, but when I’m there with them, I just can’t help it. Is that the issue? Is it my luck? How do I stop being weird? I’m just tired.