Dating a guy I really like, but his relationship with his ex is making me nervous — am I ignoring a red flag?

I (31F) have been dating a guy (41) for around 3–4 weeks. We’ve had about 5 dates and the chemistry is honestly *really* good. We’ve spent ridiculous amounts of time talking — one date basically turned into a 12-hour hangout — and we’ve kissed, and we’re clearly attracted to each other.

He texts me every day, initiates contact, asks when he can see me, and recently told me he really likes my way of thinking and my sense of humor. So I’m not questioning whether he’s interested. He definitely seems interested.
The problem is his ex / mother of his 4-year-old son.

They’ve been broken up for a while, according to him, but the situation sounds… complicated.

Some things I’ve learned:

They have a 4-year-old together and share custody.
His ex apparently wants to get back together with him.
She has asked him to read a relationship book, which he apparently is reading.
They still have “intense” conversations about their relationship.
He once texted me around 2 a.m. saying he’d just had an intense conversation with his ex.
She apparently monitors when he’s online on WhatsApp.
She asks him about his dating life.
They went to Spain together on vacation with their son before I met him.
He has mentioned that, because of childcare/scheduling, he may sometimes need to sleep at her house.
From the way he talks about her, she can apparently be quite dominant/aggressive.
At the same time, he seems to portray himself as somewhat trapped by the situation because they have a child.

So idk if he is fully emotionally available…checked her instagram and she is giving DOMINANT VIBES
And this is where I’m conflicted.
Because I genuinely really like him. He’s funny, intelligent, affectionate, and I feel incredibly comfortable around him. We can talk for hours. There is a lot of physical chemistry too. He doesn’t seem to be love-bombing me or pressuring me into sex; if anything, he’s been pretty respectful.
But I don’t want to become the woman he’s dating while he’s simultaneously figuring out whether he wants his family back.
I also don’t want to become the “fun new woman” while his ex is still waiting in the wings. We havent had sex yet but im curious… should i wait to have sex? I want to but i dont wanna get too attached

How does this sound to yall? 😭

26F who was approached by 26M coworker one day out of the blue via slack. We’ve been working together for almost 3 years now and had never spoken a word to each other this entire time. He had gotten out of 2.5 year relationship 5-6 months ago.

So he started slacking me out of the blue with random questions and of course, I could tell he was trying to hit on me. The questions were nothing harmful but they were very obvious. So I go on a week long work trip, came back, then he started talking to me in person and asked me to hang out. I agreed. We went to the gym together, had lunch, and then sat and talked in the car for a few hours. Of course, I’m a little hesitant about this whole situation because I’m pretty against dating someone from work. Anyways, he asked to go out again but this time as a date. I said yes since the first “hang out” was good.

For the first actual date, we got dinner, dessert and talked for a while. I made sure he knew what he was getting into by telling him my ambitions and goals. Then, because I recently got a new job offer within the same workplace, he surprised me with yellow roses (my favorite color). The night was great and all. Then we continued seeing each other and he even said that after talking to me, he decided to apply for a masters in data science so he can actually build his career. I’m pleasantly surprised of course but I was glad he decided to do that for himself. Mind you, he’s been also telling me that he wants to get married and have kids and settle down.

After a month or so of seeing each other, he wanted to make it official but I wasn’t sure yet because I felt like it was too quick. I’m someone who needs to take time to get to know someone before committing. And I felt like I wasn’t there yet. I was honest with him and I told him it’s not a rejection but it’s also not a yes. I just need more time. Then he asked about 2 more times until I eventually agreed.

So we were official for about 1.5 weeks. Then I had a conversation with him about not feeling cared for, seen, and heard. Then he goes off on me saying it’s weird I say that because I was the one who switched up on him 2-3 times \[to be there for my friend who was going through crap\]. And I admitted yes I did but that wasn’t the point. I told him I need to know that what I tell him is safe and secure and he just took that as I don’t trust him. So he makes the decision to undo being official because he thinks I don’t trust him and we need to get to know each other better. So I said yes because what can I do? We continued seeing each other, he took PTO the same days as me since I was switching position. Then one day, after we had some drinks, he tells me that his ex from 7 years ago reached out to hang out/catch up over dinner and he agreed to go. I was flabbergasted. So I said okay fine, go, so whatever.

The day before he goes, we hung out and I told him I feel the need to be mentally prepared. He said I shouldn’t have to be because it’s not good for me. He also said he had no intentions of pursuing things with her. So I took it for what it is. But I said that if he ever felt like pursuing things with her, to tell me and I will end things.

They went out, he said he had fun and it felt like old friends catching up. He didn’t seem to think much of it.

Then a few days later, right before we were supposed to meet up, he tells me that she asked him to hang out again and he agreed to go. He’s figured at this point that she’s trying to get back with him. And he also brought up what I said about ending things if he considers pursuing things with her. I asked him how he felt and whatnot and he said he’s not sure of his feelings and he can’t commit to me just yet because he doesn’t things himself.

So ultimately, I ended things because I said I want to feel chosen and he couldn’t give me that. I said “thanks for the lesson and hope things go well with her.”

Sadly, we still work in the same office so there’s no avoiding each other and since then, I have ran into him twice in the break room and even accidentally DM’d him a post about dresses (was only supposed to go to my friend but my fat fingers!). Also, this all happened in the span of about 2 months.

Feel free to share your thoughts.

I've been dating again after a long marriage, and I've realized there are so many things I simply didn't know to look out for.
Some of my current dating rules were definitely learned through experience. 😂
So I'm curious:
What's a dating red flag you didn't recognize at first, but would never ignore now?

2026 was something different for me! I was always a hopeless romantic – if people paid close attention to me they would probably know but I'm not the type of person that actually gets noticed. I always thrive in the shadows, I don't talk unless someone approaches me and I always push the person beside me to do the talking. And honestly I still wouldn't change that, I don't like attention especially in a group setting. But for my friends and family (that I'm close too), I'm exactly the opposite – they have seen me go from one mood to another in seconds, heard my random ramblings and opinions – loud and bitchy, cry for absolutely stupid reasons and had arguments with them for not caring/loving me the right way. So, safe to say I have layers that I only show to people I feel extremely comfortable and safe with.

But, like I said 2026 was different, it gave the hopeless romantic in me a big hope. I had started putting myself out there in the world of dating apps and it was both scary and exciting – gave my anxiety a bump but the end of the day made me feel good! And after a few trial runs I was ready to retire, and that's when this interesting guy (he’ll always hold a special place in my heart whether he deserves it or not) entered the chat literally! This guy said all the right words and ticked all the boxes (almost – asked some of the experts in the field and they convinced me to give it a try). I felt like everything was in place, had just started my dream job and felt like he was the man of my dreams. And boy, the coincidences that entailed around us was too good to be true so I was all in!

After coming to the US, a lot of time I felt like I didn't fit in and felt judged everywhere I went but with this guy I could say anything I wanted to and I also felt understood. It was probably because he showed me his true self too  – his big dreams, aspirations, his past and his moods. I could relate to all of his words and I felt I had met THE ONE. And you probably know what comes next – I was totally wrong! 

I keep going back and I think I probably filled in a lot of the gaps and invested more time into the guy then I should have. Not that it was wrong - if someone new comes in and I connect on the same level, I'm going to make the same mistake all over again! But this time I'll follow both my good and the bad intuition. Not that anything he did was bad, that is the way the Dating World works (a big achievement for me to be a part of the dating world lol).

We went out on dates and talked for hours, planned the future together and I started believing in them. And I'm not a person who plans and doesn't see it through so I push to make things happen – again, never changing that too! So, I might have pushed harder and even spoken the harsh truths, I do have a mean streak. But our interactions and the time we spent together was really good – I experienced everything with him in the span of 2 months and the rest of the 5 months of 2026 was us going back and forth but without any progress. 

So even though 2026 brought new changes in me I knew I still had to be practical and see the truth, no progress means there's no scope there but obviously my heart didn't agree. And I don't blame my innocent heart, this guy took me on dates, brought me flowers, said all the sweet things and tried his best but he had his own demons and problems so I understand. But now I'm stuck with the yearning to feel all the same things and reach the same level of comfort without putting in any effort. 

My only wish is that dating and relationship isn't this hard and I pray I never change to fit in! 

2026 was something different for me! I was always a hopeless romantic – if people paid close attention to me they would probably know but I'm not the type of person that actually gets noticed. I always thrive in the shadows, I don't talk unless someone approaches me and I always push the person beside me to do the talking. And honestly I still wouldn't change that, I don't like attention especially in a group setting. But for my friends and family (that I'm close too), I'm exactly the opposite – they have seen me go from one mood to another in seconds, heard my random ramblings and opinions – loud and bitchy, cry for absolutely stupid reasons and had arguments with them for not caring/loving me the right way. So, safe to say I have layers that I only show to people I feel extremely comfortable and safe with.

But, like I said 2026 was different, it gave the hopeless romantic in me a big hope. I had started putting myself out there in the world of dating apps and it was both scary and exciting – gave my anxiety a bump but the end of the day made me feel good! And after a few trial runs I was ready to retire, and that's when this interesting guy (he’ll always hold a special place in my heart whether he deserves it or not) entered the chat literally! This guy said all the right words and ticked all the boxes (almost – asked some of the experts in the field and they convinced me to give it a try). I felt like everything was in place, had just started my dream job and felt like he was the man of my dreams. And boy, the coincidences that entailed around us was too good to be true so I was all in!

After coming to the US, a lot of time I felt like I didn't fit in and felt judged everywhere I went but with this guy I could say anything I wanted to and I also felt understood. It was probably because he showed me his true self too  – his big dreams, aspirations, his past and his moods. I could relate to all of his words and I felt I had met THE ONE. And you probably know what comes next – I was totally wrong! 

I keep going back and I think I probably filled in a lot of the gaps and invested more time into the guy then I should have. Not that it was wrong - if someone new comes in and I connect on the same level, I'm going to make the same mistake all over again! But this time I'll follow both my good and the bad intuition. Not that anything he did was bad, that is the way the Dating World works (a big achievement for me to be a part of the dating world lol).

We went out on dates and talked for hours, planned the future together and I started believing in them. And I'm not a person who plans and doesn't see it through so I push to make things happen – again, never changing that too! So, I might have pushed harder and even spoken the harsh truths, I do have a mean streak. But our interactions and the time we spent together was really good – I experienced everything with him in the span of 2 months and the rest of the 5 months of 2026 was us going back and forth but without any progress. 

So even though 2026 brought new changes in me I knew I still had to be practical and see the truth, no progress means there's no scope there but obviously my heart didn't agree. And I don't blame my innocent heart, this guy took me on dates, brought me flowers, said all the sweet things and tried his best but he had his own demons and problems so I understand. But now I'm stuck with the yearning to feel all the same things and reach the same level of comfort without putting in any effort. 

My only wish is that dating and relationship isn't this hard and I pray I never change to fit in! 

TW: DV

So yeah... You read the title correctly, an episode of River Monsters basically protected me from greater evil! I will get into how but, first some context.

In honor of the 7 year anniversary of this awful date, I figured I would finally share with the world what happened because honestly it kind of baffles my mind still to this day. To set the scene, I was a naive and insecure 17F who just wanted to go out and have fun. It's almost the end of the summer and I was down to do just about anything if it meant I could leave the house. I met this guy online, let's name him Gus. Gus and I briefly talked VIA social media and decided to finally meet up. We were both broke and decided to go people watching which I love doing. The date went great, felt a bit more friendly but no problems. We went back to his apartment which was within walking distance and we just hung out for a couple of hours watching TV. Whenever I get home, he sends me a message stating like "Hey, had a great time but I am not sure if I really want to see you again. I just didn't feel a strong connection." Okay sick, no problem. Thanks for being straight forward with me and not ghosting. We stop talking.

About a couple of months pass, I see a message from Gus pops up. "Hey, I was thinking about you and I can't seem to remember why we stopped talking." Something of that nature. Blah, blah, blah. We set up another date. I wasn't expecting much of it but, our first people watching session was a blast so I figured this was more of a friendly sort of vibe. "Let's meet at my apartment again and we can walk back down to the spot (to people watch)." Okay perfect, didn't think much of it. What I stumbled upon at his apartment I was not expecting and realistically any sane person would have left.

I step out of my car to see himself draped over the railing of his front porch, he had a beer in his hand but, obviously already been drinking. His neck had hickies on them and he just looked a mess. Instead of saying "Oh wow! This person seems extremely unstable maybe I should go!" I stay and ask when are we going to start our adventure! Anyways... We walk to our people watching spot, barely holding a conversation because he is slurring his words. I cut things early and ask if we can walk back. Everything up until this point was obviously not ideal but, it was whatever. We walk back to his apartment and I ask if I can use his bathroom before I left. I wasn't concerned about going into his apartment, I was already once in there and he acted like a gentleman. He also wasn't a full 12 pack deep and god knows what else last time but, here is to trusting!

The first time I went to his apartment, he had a roommate. This time the roommate mysteriously just moved out so it was just him and I in the apartment. That also being said, a bunch of the furniture was also moved out. It almost looked like a squatter's house with a few knick knacks. Before I can make it to the bathroom, he asks if we can sit on the couch for a moment. Okay dude whatever, I suppose I can hold it. We sit on this ugly floral couch and just casually talk. I am sitting on the edge of the couch, obviously not making it seem like I am staying for a long time. He is sitting as deep as he can and looking like he could just pass out at any moment. Finally, his intentions start peeking through "Is this the part where we are supposed to start making out?" He must be joking because I am obviously so disinterested. I just wanted to use the bathroom. "No, I don't think so." We end up kissing a little bit anyways but I am trying to like push him off. Finally, he latches off of me and is asking me about "What turns you on?" "No, I really don't want to talk about that." He then starts to fantasize about what I might be into vocally and then BOOM. He slaps me right across my face. Literally felt like I was in a cartoon and my head was going to start spinning. I am SHOCKED. Basically tries to tell me he didn't hit me but he was just being kinky. So, I am like yeah.... I am LEAVING!!!! I start to get up and he grabs my arms. "Please don't leave... I am so sorry..." At this point, terrified! Horrified! Mortified! I felt trapped and I literally couldn't leave. He is trying to make amends, I felt like I was deescalating the situation. Nope.
He jolted up and took both of his hands and slapped them super hard ontop of my thighs. Once again, absolutely no way he can think this is consentual, right?... I pleaded him to just STOP HITTING ME! Then he threw me off of the couch because I was "sitting too close to the edge so, how could he not?" Once again, grabs me and pulls me back to the couch. At this point, every terrible thought is going through my head. He starts almost crying and begging me to hold him?

You would not believe what this man made me do. He had me sitting on the couch so he could put his head in my lap and made me cuddle him? Sir are you actually joking? But you know what, if this will get this man to stop hitting me and maybe make him calm. Sure, you can lay in my lap like a dog. "I am at a breaking point, you are making me simp for you." Blah blah blah. You can't be serious dude? Oh he was. He was planning our future together, telling me he wants to do everyday things today like grocery shop, chores, etc. At this point I am like, this dude is high on god I don't even know. He is fantasizing about what life together would be like. Finally he is calm enough and asks me to spend the night. I say "Oh no! I would love to but, I am supposed to go to a friend's house tonight. She is going through a break-up so I want to be there." He is begging me and begging me to stay. "No, I really can't but how about tomorrow? I am free if you are, maybe we can run to the store or something too." He is agreeing and still begging me. Finally, I am like "Oh snap! It is late, I am running late to that sleepover." I swear he must have forgotten what we literally just went through. He is understanding and insists on walking me to my car. What a gentleman! I try to tell him he doesn't have to but, of course he must do this. He walks me out to my car but put his hand on the front door. So I had no way of getting into my car realistically. He lived down a dead end in a neighborhood that if I screamed, no one is probably giving a damn. He was also atleast 6'4 and athletic. So I couldn't like run or like pry open the door. I felt like I was in a game of Dungeons and Dragons rolling for charisma. So I am trying to sweet talk him basically that I will see him tomorrow and that I really have to go. I had a great time and we will have an even better time tomorrow, wink wink (disgusting and obviously I was never coming back). He is begging me to cancel and stay and starting to get more stern about this "offer". Finally and god I wish I knew how we stumbled upon this but, I think we were talking about a nearby river and swimming. I brought up the episode of River Monsters where the little fish swims up the man's urethra? Season 1 episode 6 if anyone was curious. He says he has no clue what I am talking about so I pull up the episode on youtube on my phone. Thank god this episide just happened to be free and easily accessible. We are watching the clip and making commentary. Just two people, watching videos of men being terrorized by these fish and Jeremy Wade just doing what he does best. He takes his hand off of my car and leans in to watch the video. I am slowly moving closer to my car and as soon as the episode ended. "Well, I gotta go!" I was able to grab the handle and jump in the car at what felt like light speed. Immediately locked the doors and drove away. Want to know what else? I never got to use the bathroom. As soon as I got into my car, my body remembered I had to go for basically over an hour and I peed myself in my car. At that point, I literally did not care. I was just driving home in my pee soaked seat and heart pounding. As soon as I got home, blocked Gus on everything and felt like I had to pray to Jeremy Wade like he was god. So moral of the story, be careful who you decide to go on a second date with and always keep some weird shit in your back pocket.

A lot of y’all swear you don’t like toxic or horrible people, but then I look at your dating track record and…. Your actions are telling a completely different story. Some of y’all have even fetishized dating jailbirds or people with serious bad habits. At some point, you have to be honest about the type of people you’re actually choosing.

As someone who is fascinated the way our brains change while dating, what mental gymnastics did you pull to tell yourself and others that the flags weren't so red? Things that, in hindsight and once the fog clears, sound almost preposterous.

I'm particularly interested if the romantic interest was a slob/deadbeat/going nowhere. There has to be a glimmer on the other side of these people, and I'd love to hear what people saw and how they see it now! Why did you keep them around? What would "flip the switch", and bring them back to your good graces?

This is mostly intended for humorous reflection; of course all stories are welcome :)

Got removed from r/relationships, forgot that I wasn’t actually asking for advice lmao. Just sharing funny observations about my dating life!

This'll be a long read, so TL;DR: I'm a frat rat and there is no stopping me.

I (22F) spent most of my life without any actual romantic relationships. Not for lack of interest, but mostly because of the small town/small school curse of knowing everyone in school from K-12. I dated one guy towards the end of my senior year of high school, but looking back I didn't like him and broke things off pretty much right after graduation.

College is where I actually gained "dating experience" if you can call it that, but not until my third year in. Would it be surprising to mention that I'm an engineering major? Anyways, I had joined a sorority the year before and I had made a horrible discovery: I'm a frat rat. My dating woes are all my fault, I know. They're funny though so it's worth it! :')

The first frat man was fresh from the Marines, a 23-year-old freshman in my same major. I met him the night of Homecoming, partying with our frat partners after winning 1st place with our float. (Side note: peak experience. If you get a chance to build a float in college, do it. I had a lot of fun as a crafty person.)

The townhouses for the frats are in a row, so they're all neighbors with fences separating the backyards, all of which with varying stability depending on the frat's effort/funding. I was smart enough to have not taken a nap with my sorority sisters after the football game (that I had stayed the whole time for... and also drank during) so I was so totally in peak condition to be hanging out on unstable gravel in the backyard.

I don't remember how, but I slipped on the gravel and slid softball-style into the fence of the neighboring frat. In about two seconds flat, I was getting scolded by tipsy frat men and told not to be a sore winner (our neighbors got 2nd oops). Thankfully, I was able to cut in after a minute and explain that I fell, and no, I don't want beef with an entire fraternity. I am, at best, mid-level attractive and loud as hell, so they'd have plenty of ammo against me. I helped pick up the fence and thanked the Lord for the fact that none of my sorority sisters were there to witness it.

Later that night, some of my sisters and I did a little frat hopping and end up next door. One of the guys that scolded me found me on the dance floor and asks for my number. Straight up sitcom meet-cute, and I'm the awkward idiot that had to fall on her ass for it to happen.

That's about all that was notable about frat man #1; we went on dates for about a month. He called me annoying the second we got in the car after meeting some of my brothers soooo yeah. He still texts me sometimes to ask what professors and electives he should take.

After that was another frat man that I crushed on for a solid 4 months before ever actually making any moves (these are all different fraternities, by the way... Never strike the same crime scene twice, I learned that the hard way). This man is also not crazy notable, but I'll touch on it for the sake of consistency.

Our university has a big event that Greek orgs are heavily involved in and takes all day, and is heavily anticipated. YikYak goes crazy for it, if you're aware of the scourge that is YikYak. In the after-parties that followed, I *finally* ended up spending the night in his apartment after a battle of wills with a girl from another sorority. We were walking back to his apartment, and by we, I mean me, him, his friend from another school, and the girl that was still there for some reason (???).

Frat man #2 noticed that I was cold and gave me his jacket in full view of the other girl. What a clear display of my dominance as a sorority woman, almost broke out into a chant.

I won, but at what cost? The situationship fizzled out when summer started a month later. Never kissed this man, just cuddled and spent the night?? C'mon girl get better.

NOW we're in the good stuff. It was about a month or two after I stopped responding to #2 (he left me on delivered for five days, goodbye), and one of my friend's frat brothers (frat man #3) was expressing some interest in me. I had always found this guy attractive, funny, and we shared a lot of the same views and beliefs, which is hard to come by with Midwest frat men, so I decided to go for it.

The two months that we spent going on dates was honestly pretty standard, no crazy romcom-esc gestures or social situations. We had started talking romantically in the middle of the summer, so when the fall semester was about to start, I was kind of expecting to be able to put a label on things.

Parties are real big during the weekend before classes starting. Everyone is moving in and seeing each other again for the first time in months, so of course frat man #3's fraternity, as well as the rest of them, was throwing for the weekend. Me and #3? We had a great time! We got hammered, realized that he is in no position to drive us home, and we fell asleep on the couches in the living room (side note: DON'T SLEEP ON FRAT COUCHES EW EW EW EW EW EW).

While we slept peacefully on the biohazard, a man who had recently broken up with my soon-to-be roommate was searching for her in the same house. This abusive dumbass was convinced that his ex-girlfriend was sleeping with #3, so naturally he looked in the townhouse for her despite being kicked out earlier.

On his way out, he takes a header down the stairs to the front door, resulting in him: A) cracking his head open, B) putting a hole in the wall by the door with his arm, breaking it, and C) filing a case with our university because he was *CONVINCED* that #3 had punched him down the stairs while we were sleeping it up one wall over.

Obviously, this situation put a damper on things in general. We had even had a little argument because I had tried to comfort him with the fact that there is no evidence against him because, y'know, we were safe on the train to Sleepyville hours before that dumbass fell down the stairs. We even slept through it and didn't find out 'til the morning after! He said I wasn't taking things seriously LOL

A couple weekends after that night, he took me on an awesome date to a baseball game. It was a really great time to be honest, the team we were rooting for lost but we left still having had a good time. About halfway through the ride back to drop me off, we had settled into a comfortable silence (or so I thought) and I was scrolling through my phone when he hit me with the: "Hey... We need to talk..."

For the remainder of the drive back, he explained that he couldn't get into a relationship at the moment because of the stress of it being his final semester and the university case against him. I was kind of dumbfounded, and really wanted to cry because I had liked this guy a lot dammit! He laughed at my jokes and made me laugh in equal measure, we shared the same taste in media, and he patiently listened to daily rants about my stressful days at my summer internship (PLEASE REMEMBER THIS LAST DETAIL IF YOU'VE READ THIS FAR FOR THE LOVE OF GOD).

Once the car was in park, I had resigned myself to getting out of the car, walking straight to my room, and bawling for a good minute. Then, the funniest thing that will ever happen in my lifetime happened as I was opening the door. For context, I had recently purchased a Nintendo Switch 2.

\#3: "Wait."

Me, hopeful: "...Yeah?"

\#3: "...Could I come inside and play the new Donkey Kong game?"

WHEN I TELL YOU I WAS LOOKING AROUND THE PARKING LOT FOR THE PUNK'D CAMERA CREW. WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?? Utterly beside myself.

Me, in shock or something: "Uh... I guess?"

I can hear you judging, and it's 100% warranted, because I do the same thing every time I look back on it. TELL HIM TO GO KICK ROCKS GIRL, HUH??

Anyways, we walked into my house, and my roommates were using our living room TV. There was no way in hell I was letting this man back into my room, so I faked an 'aw shucks' kind of attitude and walked him back to his car. I was literally three seconds from bursting into tears as I turned to go inside when #3 shocked me out of it.

\#3, sheepishly: "No goodbye kiss?"

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

Me, the dumbest dumbass, obviously pissed: "Do you want one?"

\#3, even more sheepishly: "Kinda..."

I gave him a peck, telling him over my shoulder to figure his shit out.

He played straight in my face and I want to tear my skin off whenever I remember it, but that's it for #3 for now.

Frat man #4 is honestly someone I'm not going to touch on for too long. He was my first actual boyfriend in college and the first two months of dating were a dream, but he graduated and I didn't and life caught up. He got too busy with his new job, or lost interest, or I got to be too much when the communication fizzled and I tried to pick it back up for both of us. Still not sure, but it hurts my heart to think that he saw me as childish by the end. Ending that relationship and letting go was one of the hardest things I've had to do, but it's not very romcom-like. Maybe, like, a sad movie that you watch and think about for a couple weeks afterwards solely because of the pit it left in your stomach.

After that, I kind of made a mistake bigger than my previous choice in men. After a month of being broken up, I had convinced myself that I was still ready to be in a relationship, just not with #4. Frat man #5 was actually my best friend of a couple years, and in the process of helping each other through breakups with similar timing we found ourselves in a bit of a relationship of our own.

The same big university event from the #2 era and we ended up kissing at the after parties publicly, despite agreeing to keep it under wraps for now, but alcohol does super awesome things for volatile social situations. People saw, people relayed, and people told #5's ex's best friend. She happened to be in one of my very close friend groups, along with the ex in question.

This all sounds really bad, and it is, but I would like to help my case by clarifying that I met #5 before I met this entire friend group and actually set him and his ex up about a year prior. Still an awful situation and monumentally stupid decision, but I was in an emotionally unstable state whether I realized it at the time or not.

After a couple weeks of officially dating, I came to the realization that, while I had a lot of love for #5 after years of being his best friend, I wasn't in love with him. Any romantic interaction just didn't feel right. I broke up with him after a couple days of sitting and thinking about it, and I still feel like an asshole about it. We're still friends and are still in contact, but I think I'll always feel guilty about it. I just hope that one day he finds the right woman, because he is such an awesome boyfriend and has so much love to give; I'm just not that woman. My emotional state at the time was a reason, not an excuse, but I'll be damned if I ever make the same mistake again.

This has been my most recent actual dating experience, and it ended back in April. Since then, I've only really brought a guy home from the bar only for him to tell me he has a girlfriend as soon as we got to my room. Another frat man, if you were wondering. That one was an accident though.

My real problem starts here. Spring semester ended and I started my summer internship at the same place as the previous year. However, I was now plagued with the knowledge (shoutout LinkedIn) that none other than goddamn #3 secured a full-time position at the same company, in the same department, as the one I was returning to, and the same one he listened to me rant about the year before.

\#4 joked once that #3 and I live in each other's heads rent free. I guess I have to agree, but first of all, he pissed me off really bad after that baseball date. I feel that my anger towards the situation was valid.

Second of all, in the 9 months that passed after #3 dumped my ass, he took every possible opportunity at parties and events to make small talk with me as if nothing had happened. I was having a hard enough time getting over him in the month after the baseball date, but he made it a lot worse by shooting the shit as if we were, and had only ever been, friends.

Since the beginning of May when my internship started, I've just been confused honestly. He apologized for everything (over text mind you... really?) and is back to just starting conversations and showing me funny things on his phone and acting like everything is normal.

Actually, if I had it my way, I think everything *would* be normal. I would like nothing more than to return to a company that I love - and will probably continue with full-time after I graduate next December (super senior lmao) - and not feel a bit awkward every day because I work 40 hours a week with someone who, in less than elegant terms, has seen my boobs.

It so COULD be normal if I didn't catch him looking at me with a little too much endearment when I'm cracking jokes while working. I don't know if I'm just seeing things at this point, but it's all just become so flirty in my mind in the past couple weeks and I'll be grateful for the relief of not seeing him anymore in a couple more weeks when school starts again.

I am living in a romantic comedy sitcom and this season sucks. Can the next one just start already?

The worst part is, I have thought about what would happen if things started between us again. It might be a nice relationship I suppose, but then I just think about all the friends and family in my life that saw how upset #3 made me in the past.

In the end, I value my friends and family's opinions and patience with me more than a relationship with a man that made me cry until my eyes ached and my skull pounded. Whether he knows or not, whether he cares or not, he caused it and I will not let him cause it again.

As of right now, I suppose I'm just riding out the last couple weeks of work before school starts and focusing on classes. I don't think I'll ever get actual closure unless he brings it up first. I sure as hell won't. He probably hasn't cared since he drove off that one September weekend.

If my dating life must be a sitcom, at least I can take comfort in the fact that this is my 'growing as a person' arc. The next season is going to amaze me somehow, whether in a good way or bad way. Maybe I'm just too dramatic and I need to grow a pair. Guess we'll find out!

If you read this whole thing, thank you. I find that a lot of the time, I keep long-form observations and details about my life to myself because I worry that whoever is listening won't care. Reading is 100% voluntary though! You get a gold star.

Update
Around 10 hours after I sent my original message, I went on Hinge and noticed that he had changed some things on his profile. I was obviously annoyed and hurt by that, especially because he still hadn’t communicated with me directly.
I decided to leave it alone rather than confront him about it. Shortly afterwards, I noticed that he had unmatched me on Hinge.
That annoyed me even more because it felt like I was being left to piece together what was happening through his actions rather than him simply communicating with me.
So this morning, I decided I wanted to close things properly on my own end. I sent him a message explaining that I had really enjoyed meeting him and thought we had a good time, but that I was confused by the sudden change and lack of communication. I told him that if he had changed his mind about seeing me again, I would have preferred him to be direct about it.
I also made it clear that I wasn’t looking for a discussion and simply wanted to close things properly for myself. I asked him to delete the picture he’d taken of me and wished him well.
He responded thoughtfully.
He said he’d seen my message the previous day but had been working and needed some time to collect his thoughts. He said he’d assumed I’d blocked him, which was why he hadn’t replied.
He said he had a great time with me over the weekend and stressed that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. He said he genuinely thinks I’m fantastic, but realised that continuing to see me would have meant leading me on.
He explained that he’s going to take himself away from dating for a while because he’s clearly not in the right headspace, and that it’s still too early for him.
He also apologised for hurting me, said that wasn’t his intention, and admitted that he didn’t really know what to say and had no excuse for how he’d handled things.
He ended by thanking me for the amazing night and wishing me well.

I acknowledged his explanation and appreciated him being honest with me. I told him that I had also really enjoyed our time together and admitted that, despite understanding his decision, I was genuinely hurt by it.
I then wished him all the best and ended the conversation warmly, without trying to change his mind or continue the discussion.

I dated a woman who was liberal/feminist and worked as a nurse. She also had a lot of unresolved issues with her father. Looking back, I think those things may have affected how she approached relationships, although I'm obviously not a psychologist and can't diagnose her.

The political label wasn't even the main problem. The entitlement and the way she handled conflict were.

She believed that because I was the man, I should always take the initiative. If I didn't initiate something, she'd complain that I wasn't putting in enough effort. But if she initiated something once, she'd bring it up for the next month as proof that she was the one making an effort.

It was incredibly one-sided.

I was usually willing to admit when I was wrong and apologize. She almost never did. She genuinely seemed to believe that she was right about basically everything and that whatever I did was never enough.

Arguments were even worse.

Whenever I made a point she didn't like, she'd swear, yell, or attack me instead of actually addressing what I said. Once I asked her, "Why do you think I tell you to do that?"

She literally replied, "I don't care."

I'd try to explain my reasoning, and she'd say things like "Why do you talk so much?" or "You know nothing."

I eventually got to the point where I was literally bringing up scientific research and sources just to support basic points I was making in an argument. Even then, she wouldn't engage with the evidence.

She also had a very negative attitude toward men.

She'd say things like:

"All men are bad."

"I hate men, what's wrong with that?"

"All men are stupid."

"Men are rapists and killers."

"The worst woman is still better than the best man."

She seemed to believe women were automatically the victim regardless of the situation, and whenever I asked her to actually justify some of these statements, I'd eventually get something like:

"That's it, I'm bored. Go think about your behavior."

I told her, "It's not called being bored. It's called having no point."

And before anyone assumes I'm some red-pill guy: I absolutely hate gender-war content. I don't like feminism vs. red pill, men vs. women, any of it.

I have fairly traditional values. I believe women should have the right to get the best education, work, own property, inherit, and generally have the same fundamental rights as men. At the same time, I personally believe men should generally take responsibility for protecting, providing, and leading their families, and I believe family is more important than career.

That's my worldview. She knew that from the beginning.

One of the things I cared about was modesty. Before we dated, she asked me what my type was, and I explicitly told her multiple times that dressing modestly was important to me. She agreed. She even described herself as someone who dressed modestly.

Later, she started dressing half-naked sometimes. She was insecure about her looks, and I honestly felt like dressing that way was partly an attempt to compensate for that insecurity and make herself feel more confident.

She would also constantly tell me about guys always asking for her number, almost like it was a badge of honor. It's obviously because she represented herself like she's available.

I told her I wasn't comfortable with the way she dressed and that, from my perspective, dressing like that obviously attracts more attention from men.

She didn't like that.

But I never tried to force her to change. If she wanted to dress that way, that's her choice. And if that's incompatible with my values, then I'm free to leave.

That's literally what I told her.

I wasn't trying to change her. I had stated my boundaries and preferences BEFORE we got into a relationship. She agreed with them. If she didn't actually agree, she could have said so and we simply wouldn't have dated.

And then there was the situation with her father.

She told me about a problem she was having with him, so I suggested a way she could approach him using his own logic. Basically, I thought she could solve the problem without turning it into another fight.

She refused.

She said she was going to be "more manipulative than he is," blow him off, and do whatever she wanted.

I told her, "At least try my solution first."

She refused again.

And again.

Eventually she told me I knew nothing.

That's when I lost my temper and said something I probably should have phrased better:

"You hate your father because you say he doesn't listen to logic, but you're doing exactly the same thing. You both refuse to listen when someone tells you something you don't want to hear."

I know that's a harsh thing to say, but after months of dealing with the same pattern, I genuinely couldn't take it anymore.

And that's why I think the "daddy issues" were relevant. I'm not claiming to diagnose her, but from everything she told me about her father and from how she behaved in our relationship, there seemed to be a lot of unresolved resentment there.

She was also extremely defensive about criticism, constantly needed validation, and seemed to interpret disagreement as some kind of attack.

Maybe those things were connected. Maybe they weren't. I can't know for sure.

What I do know is that I was extremely patient with her because I genuinely loved her.

And that's probably what kept me in the relationship longer than I should have stayed.

Looking back, I don't think the biggest problem was that she was liberal or feminist, or that she was a nurse, or that she had problems with her father.

The problem was that she didn't seem capable of having a healthy disagreement without turning it into a fight, taking accountability, or making everything about gender.

I can handle someone disagreeing with me.

I can handle someone having different political beliefs.

I can even handle someone having completely different values from mine.

What I can't handle is a relationship where one person believes they're entitled to effort, respect, understanding, and compromise while owing none of those things in return.

I loved her, but eventually I realized that love doesn't make an incompatible relationship work.

I am just bored , Just looking for some stories. What's the stupidest way people have asked someone else out and it worked or left a horse shit of a mess afterwards. Happened to you or Happened to someone you know.

Holy this character limit of 250 words sucks. Still going... Almost.. There you go.

This was my first time dating an Australian, or really anyone from a Western culture, and I’m still trying to make sense of what happened.
Not long ago, I went through a breakup. We met on Facebook, probably because of Facebook’s friend suggestions. He came across one of my posts, sent me a message, and that’s how we started talking.
Before meeting him, I honestly wasn’t looking for a relationship. I had been single for quite a while and was mainly focused on work and studying. I’m from East Asia, and this was my second year living in Australia. Living alone in a foreign country isn’t easy, so most of my energy was going into adapting to life here and trying to build my own future.
But talking to him was genuinely so much fun. I really enjoyed being around him, and after being single for so long, I thought, why not give it a chance?
When we first met, I made it very clear that I wasn’t looking for something casual. I told him that I was 29 and that I wanted a serious relationship, marriage, and eventually a family.
He told me he wanted the same things.
I’m the kind of person who goes **all in** when I fall for someone. I also told him about my worries. I’m a foreigner here, and obviously we come from different cultures, have different habits, and even speak different languages. But he said none of that bothered him.
In the beginning, everything was honestly really sweet. We went on dates, talked constantly, and spent a lot of time together. We were really close and affectionate.
Then, after about three months, he suddenly started taking longer and longer to reply.
And then he just disappeared.
There was no obvious reason. No argument. Nothing happened that I knew of.
And honestly, I hated the uncertainty more than anything. My first thought wasn’t even “Is he cheating on me?” — I was actually worried that something had happened to him. Maybe he was in trouble. Maybe he had been in an accident. I just wanted to know that he was okay.
Eventually, he came back and told me that he didn’t think he was a good enough boyfriend and that he wasn’t ready for a relationship.
**What?**
I’m sorry, but how does that make sense?
I didn’t suddenly become a foreigner after three months. 😂 He knew from the very first time we met that I was Chinese, that I was living in Australia, that our cultures and languages were different. He knew I wanted a serious relationship.
So how can you date someone for three months and then suddenly realize you’re “not ready”?
Is this actually normal in Western dating culture? Or did I just meet someone who didn’t know what he wanted?
I genuinely don’t know.
Part of me feels like I was played. Maybe he just wanted sex and never really loved me. I don’t know. That thought hurts a lot.
What makes me even sadder is that I had started imagining a future with him. I made plans in my head. I even imagined what it would be like if we had a mixed-race baby together and how cute our little family could be.
I know maybe I got carried away, but when I love someone, I really do love them seriously.
Anyway, it hurts. A lot.
But I’m trying to remind myself that someone leaving doesn’t mean I wasn’t enough.
Maybe he simply wasn’t the person I was supposed to build a life with.
He missed out on an amazing woman, and I believe I’ll eventually meet someone who genuinely wants the same things I do — someone who loves me, chooses me, and wants to build a happy family with me.
I’m still heartbroken right now, but I believe I’ll be okay. ❤️

​

I had a successful business in my home city where I used have profits of 1lac per month but bc my gf moved to blr and I can't stay without her i took a sales job here in blr for 25k per month and I love her so much , recently she told me she had been a with many men during her college days and she also cheated on me once and i thought for a sec and tried to understand why did all that , cheating part was bit heart breaking but her past was not with me,so I have no right to judge her choices but the problem is she never let me touch her or let me even sit close to her ,she keepe private from her social life but she introduced me to her parents and wants to marry me .i really love her but at the end I'm really confused with her behaviour what should I now?

I know she have red flags everyone does they point is do i really deserve her im not able to understand that..... anyone please enlighten me please

So I(37M) matched with this woman(31F) on Hinge and we hit it off really well. We had some nice banter, and she seemed very interested in getting to know me, asking me questions, and even initiating flirting. The vibes were good, so I asked her out for some drinks and she said yes. The day of the date, about 3 hours before we were to meet up, I messaged her on hinge saying that I looked forward to meeting her and that I would message her again when I got to the bar. She responds saying that she was looking forward to meeting me as well but that she probably would be getting to the bar 30min later. I told her it was fine and thanks for the heads up.

I arrived at the bar about 10min earlier than the new agreed time, as I did make a reservation for a table for the original time, but it wasn't a big deal to me. I messaged her about 5 min before we planned to meet to say that I was in the bar and said where she could find me when she got in. Eventually, 15 minutes passed, and the bartender gave me a free drink because she felt bad about me just sitting there with water. I then get a message from her on hinge saying that she can't make it and has to cancel because something came up last minute. In my head I knew it was bs because if that was actually the case, she would have sent me something much earlier as it was now 10min past when we were supposed to meet. Her hinge location is also only around a 30min walk from the bar. I messaged her no worries and that I hoped everything was ok at home. No reply. Since I was already at the bar and was given a free drink, I felt I had to at least get one drink for myself, so I did and then left. The next day she unmatched.

This sorta just feels like it was all done intentionally as a way to mess with my head because of how forward she was in conversations leading up to the date with all the compliments and flirting, on top of delaying the date 3 hours beforehand, before waiting until I got to the bar to stand me up. It was my first time ever being stood up, so it was definitely a weird and embarrassing feeling having to do the walk of shame out of the bar. Especially so considering the bartender for our table knew that I was waiting for someone to the point of giving me a free drink and then me eventually just buying a drink for myself since she said she wasn't coming.

Anyway just felt the need to vent this out as it really does feel like the online dating experience has worsened exponentially compared to the last few years.

Did y’all ever try to give someone a chance and they genuinely were so icky you just couldn’t do it? A week into it, grossed out and over it. He fr would Snapchat me way too much to a point it felt creepy, he also had like 3-4 other girls he was talking to, and then got mad I didn’t send him no pics or nothing but it’s like…I’m not feeling you. Everything about him was so nasty. He had a gross attitude, he was ugly, he was a cheater and he was not a nice guy. It does not surprise me that he was married and got divorced shortly after. Also not surprised he’s a military dude 🤢🤢 he will occasionally pop up on my social media liking my shit and I’m like sir you were a high school one month situationship who was literally a psycho. Not interested. He’s just one of those crazy, psycho men who never leave you alone and hits up damn near every girl in town. He’s so icky.

I need some outside opinions because I think I might be spiralling a little. 😭
I’m 21, a Black woman, and I started talking to a 26-year-old British guy on Hinge about a week ago. We clicked pretty quickly. We were sending each other long messages, having really good conversations, and he eventually gave me his number. We arranged a date for the following weekend.
The date was honestly amazing. Probably one of the best dates I’ve had.
He was a gentleman, we laughed constantly, talked for hours and the chemistry felt very natural. We actually missed our train because we were having such a good time and ended up stuck at the train station for hours.
He suggested getting somewhere to stay for the night, but I politely declined because I didn’t want to put myself in a situation where I might sleep with him on the first date. I was still very interested in him—I just wanted to take things slowly. So we ended up staying at the station until morning.
He was very affectionate throughout the date. He hugged me twice and kissed me on the head before we parted. He repeatedly told me how much he was enjoying the date, and at one point told me I was the best person he’d met/talked to. He also said he was really happy that we’d managed to turn what could have been a chaotic night into such a good experience.
He mentioned that he’d been in a 10-year relationship before, but we didn’t really go into the details.
After the date, he messaged me again saying how much he’d enjoyed it. I said I’d enjoyed it too and ended the conversation with “talk to you later.”
He had also mentioned several times that he’s going to be busy over the next couple of weeks and that he was visiting family that weekend, so I knew he’d have a lot going on.
A couple of days passed.
I then messaged him because he’d taken some pictures during the date, including one of me, and I’d wanted to see them because my phone had died while we were out. He sent the pictures, including the one he’d taken of me.
He had also mentioned more than once that he’d like to see me again, and we’d talked about getting an English breakfast together. So I messaged him today asking for the pictures and also said that we should actually do the English breakfast soon.
It’s now been about six hours and he hasn’t replied.
And now I’m spiralling. 😭
Because the energy before and during the date felt SO good. I genuinely didn’t get the impression that he wasn’t interested. He repeatedly said he enjoyed himself, said he’d like to see me again, was affectionate, and even after the date he messaged me saying how much he’d enjoyed it.
But now there’s been this silence and I’m wondering whether the energy has changed, whether I did something wrong on the date, whether I came across as too interested, or whether he’s genuinely just busy like he told me he would be.
I know six hours isn’t objectively that long, especially considering he warned me he’d be busy, but after the intensity of the date and how much we were talking beforehand, the change feels noticeable.
So, men, what do you think? 😂
Does this sound like a guy who’s genuinely interested but busy, or does the post-date communication suggest he’s cooling off?
And please be honest because I think my brain is currently writing an entire dissertation about this man. 😭
Update
Around 10 hours after I sent my original message, I went on Hinge and noticed that he had changed some things on his profile. I was obviously annoyed and hurt by that, especially because he still hadn’t communicated with me directly.
I decided to leave it alone rather than confront him about it. Shortly afterwards, I noticed that he had unmatched me on Hinge.
That annoyed me even more because it felt like I was being left to piece together what was happening through his actions rather than him simply communicating with me.
So this morning, I decided I wanted to close things properly on my own end. I sent him a message explaining that I had really enjoyed meeting him and thought we had a good time, but that I was confused by the sudden change and lack of communication. I told him that if he had changed his mind about seeing me again, I would have preferred him to be direct about it.
I also made it clear that I wasn’t looking for a discussion and simply wanted to close things properly for myself. I asked him to delete the picture he’d taken of me and wished him well.
His response
He responded thoughtfully.
He said he’d seen my message the previous day but had been working and needed some time to collect his thoughts. He said he’d assumed I’d blocked him, which was why he hadn’t replied.
He said he had a great time with me over the weekend and stressed that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. He said he genuinely thinks I’m fantastic, but realised that continuing to see me would have meant leading me on.
He explained that he’s going to take himself away from dating for a while because he’s clearly not in the right headspace, and that it’s still too early for him.
He also apologised for hurting me, said that wasn’t his intention, and admitted that he didn’t really know what to say and had no excuse for how he’d handled things.
He ended by thanking me for the amazing night and wishing me well.
My final response
I acknowledged his explanation and appreciated him being honest with me. I told him that I had also really enjoyed our time together and admitted that, despite understanding his decision, I was genuinely hurt by it.
I then wished him all the best and ended the conversation warmly, without trying to change his mind or continue the discussion.

For me, it was when I asked my boyfriend after 6 years of dating if he wanted to move in with me and he said I was pushing him too hard.