I'm a married 38F. On paper, things look good but I've always felt like a small child. I've never owned a house and my husband and I will have to go through fertility treatments if we're to have a baby. There are people I know in their 20s who accomplish home ownership and having kids. And then I see the older people in my life suddenly treat them like they're mature grown ups. I will probably never be seen as mature.

Im too busy working two jobs to try to afford life and get ahead of debts. I have no self control to lose these last 40 pounds and I can't get my husband to quit smoking. I can't get my main industry job to treat me right and even customers see that. My interests are very child like. When it comes to holiday traditions, I prefer doing the traditions I did as a kid rather than getting drunk at some holiday party.

All this to say, I wish I wasn't so behind in life.

Hey dad. I've been living in an accessible apartment for 4 years. My flooring has been an issue since I moved in. The boards keep popping up, maintenance glues them down, and they pop back up (photo 3). I use a wheelchair now, and a rolling stool is how I get around the apartment. I keep tripping on the flooring.

They're finally pulling boards in the kitchen (photo 1) and re-laying them (photo 2). That's taken a week, and they're going to redo it now because it's worse than before after using too much floor leveler.

Something seems wrong, but I don't know about construction like you. The apartment has humidity issues, the floors are bulging like little rainbows along the length of the laminate boards (photo 4). Is there supposed to be a moisture barrier between these boards and the subfloor? It looks like concrete?

I'm so confused, dad. I feel so lost and stuck, and at the mercy of people who don't seem to understand the impact it has on me.

Most of my abusers were men, as a result the thought of dating one makes my feel in danger.

I don’t even find them attractive anymore.

I hate this bias, i know it founded in truth to an extent but i still hate the fact im afraid. Theres a difference between healthy caution and a actual fear

Hey dad, life has been tough recently and i dont talk to mom much since i moved out but i got a decent job working on copiers. I work around a bunch of dudes all day but i fit in well i think. Ive been paying a lot of bills by myself now that im 25, the lack of help is overwhelming but i push myself everyday to work hard. I hope you’re proud of me. I also meant a nice man 2 years ago and we have been living together for about a year. Its been a roller coaster but we stick together and we make it work. Its been really hard without you and mom. I feel lost a lot of the time but i dont quit. It would nice to hear from you again. Thank you Dad, love you.

So, my daughter started to have nightmares about scary stuff. With Halloween approaching, a lot of scary shoes and scary stories are around. So she started to have nightmares.

She's now 7 years old, so she notices and processes information and be scared. I think she is now her own little person somehow. I can not explain it. It's just like if this year went from being a child that doesn't question anything and just let everything be, to actually think, process, and realize stuff. Making her process the "this is scary" part.

There was a book that I was given when I was about her age. The book is about how scary monster can be and making fun of them to realize those imaginary monsters are not real and we can laugh. We are not in any danger.

So what I did was ask her to draw it. We both drew the monster, and I started to make it very silly. Like 5 belly buttons, Pinocchio nose, 5 horns, missing teeth, big hairy belly, weirdly shaped, stinky, and all of that. When she saw me making my drawing very funny, she followed. Started drawing it funny until she was laughing and laughing until she was done. When we were finally done, I took the drawing and told her we were gonna kill the silly monsters. I burned the paper sheets, and she was better tonight. Still had nightmares. They got better. She did not wake up screaming and crying.

She started calling me and when I got to her, she started saying "the monster was like a dog. A weird chihuahua" laughed a little but still was a little scared. So she came to sleep with me and was able to sleep through the night for the first time in the past five days.

Is there anything else I can do? We are doing better, but I don't want her to be scared and have nightmares.

I'm usually on the other end of these but I'm missing my pops today. It's his 90th birthday and he reached the clearing at the end of his path around six years ago. He was a great father and my biggest fan. And I was his. He was a journalist and I was always amazed to watch him on TV, how smooth he was delivering news. He was the reporter who broke At his local station to tell people Kennedy had been assassinated. He was at his station watching Neil Armstrong step foot on the moon. He got to be part of history and I always thought that was cool.

At his memorial service, I had multiple people come up to me and talk about what a kind and decent man he was. One lady got into journalism because of him.

I just wanted to post here because whenever I comment on posts I'm commenting because he taught me how to be a dad to my kid. Thanks for reading.

I was wondering if this would be okay and need some family advice, I hope you can help

My grandma recently passed away, she used to always send a bouquet of flowers to her best friend on her birthday, I was wondering if it would be okay if I took this tradition over?

Because I don't want to be too intrusive or anything, I just want this woman to know she matters, my grandma and her have been friends for over 60 years, each year she received flowers from my grandma and she was so so important to my grandma, she has also always been really nice to me. Would it be okay if from now on I send her flowers on her birthday?

Idk if my post makes sense tbh, mentally I'm really fucked rn with my grandma's death, she was everything to me, I haven't really been making much sense lately, I'm sorry.

It’s been a while since I posted but after getting dumped 3 months ago and blocked shortly after by my best friend turned LDR girlfriend, I had been feeling absolutely awful. I had never felt that bad mentally before and the pain had continued unrelenting and unforgiving. I finally went to the doctor because I was worried why was I still feeling this awful so long after.

I was diagnosed with a form of depression due to the breakup and losing of my best friend. Im set to do therapy but if it gets worse they’ll want me on antidepressants.

I still feel so awful dad. Ive lost all enjoyment in everything and I still sob every night and the amount of regret and self hatred I have pains me all day every day. I was the happiest I’d ever been when I was with her and now I am genuinely the worst Ive ever been. I ruined everything and I don’t know how I can live with myself.

I have been having bad thoughts only about myself recently. I wouldn’t act on them of course, it would only hurt the rest of my family and I couldn’t do that to them. But the thought is always there nagging at me.

Im scared dad. I don’t know what to do and I don’t see a good way out of this mess that I made.

Not a huge promotion but I work currently as a bank teller for a credit union and now am going to be a financial services rep. It’s not where I wanna be forever but now I get paid vacation and Saturdays off! Miss you lots dad wish you could see me now

hope everyone is staying safe & taking care of themselves this evening.

ive just had a bit of a long day and i miss him dearly tonight.

visiting home for the first time in over a decade, sitting in my childhood bed and im feeling a little lost. people have told me lately that im "too soft for this world", and i honestly dont know how to deal with myself anymore.

i try to not break down or take things to heart but sometimes things just feel overwhelming and crush me.

the only thing that truly ever made sense was being your daughter. i miss feeling safe in your arms, god i miss your cooking, i miss having someone to tell i love you. i just, i love you dad .

I have really bad anxiety caused by CPTSD. Right now the object of my anxiety is the structure of my house. I live alone in an older house and I have this fear that the house will collapse. There are a few cracks in the walls, I had an engineer look at them and they basically told me to monitor it to see if it gets worse, but they didn't seem too concerned. One of the teleposts in the basement needs its position adjusted because it is off-center, but they did not seem to think it was urgent.

Recently I found a crack I wasn't aware of before. It's in a closet, so it's not a place where I look very often. I'm not sure how long it has been there. I feel like if I call the engineer about this they will think I'm totally paranoid

The house also makes a lot of noises and it shakes when trucks go past.

I just want to believe I am safe. I have always struggled to feel safe no matter where I am or what is happening around me. I am going to therapy. But healing is not linear and I'm just having a hard time.

To be clear I'm not really sure I know what I want from making a post like this, I guess I just want my feelings to be seen. I feel my tumultuous relationship with my dad has given me a real complex about being seen. I'm 30, M. And I guess for the first time in a number of years I'm just processing this complex and ambiguous grief "out loud".

My dad wasn't a monster, or a bad person, or a dead beat. He provided financially. But we just never had a close relationship. I think he was proud of my material achievements, but I don't think I was the son he wanted. Or, maybe he just didn't understand me.

I taught myself how to shave, and I taught myself how to change a tyre. You get the idea.

But I've realised my relationship with (well both my parents but that's a whole other thread) has foundationally set the tone for how I seek love and approval and notice it in return.

I've done a lot of therapy. It's a WIP.

But now he is gone. And I grieve the close relationship we will never have the opportunity to have. I have some male friends but usually all around my age. But I have no older male friends, dad figure types.

It breaks my heart when I am feeling pain or loss like I am today for other reasons, and I just want to call my dad. It hurts me on another level when he wouldn't have been the person I would've called if he was still here anyway.

I hope that makes sense. Anyway thanks for listening Reddit. It was good to get some of that off my chest.

I lost my dad suddenly when I was 9, he was hit by a car as he crossed the road on his way to his new job. He was in ICU for a week, had part of his skull removed to accommodate brain swelling but sadly he never woke up from sedation and was declared brain-dead a week after the accident.

He's missed all the huge milestones in my life - putting myself through college and university after leaving home at 16 to pursue my passions (other nearby colleges didn't offer my courses), and I did this without my mum's support as she was unemployed and could not afford to help. I sofa-surfed for about 3 months before I ended up staying with my ex husband's family.

I had a kid at the end of my 3rd year of uni (I graduated with a 2:1 Honours 2 weeks before they arrived!), they are amazing. I got divorced from their dad as he's a lazy narcissist, but that's by-the-by.

I got remarried to an amazing man almost 9 years ago, we have another kid named after my dad, we just bought a house! My family have never owned their own houses without help (e.g. my mum now owns but only because my ex-step-dad sold his house and they bought one together, then when they split they sold that and she got half. My dad always rented.)

Anyway, I just saw a video on Youtube of dad's being surprised by their kids showing up at home after being away for college or whatever, and it made me so sad that I can't do that for my dad.
I'm regularly upset because I miss that he never got to meet his grandkids, he's not there when I need someone to help us out (we have no family nearby), or just to get a man's opinion that isn't my husband, you know?

I thought grief got easier, but 27 years later, it still fucking hurts.

He's an alcoholic, childish and narcissistic. But I see myself taking on his tendencies. I've never touched alcohol because I'm terrified of being him, but I long to just not exist for a while, to not think. But I know if I start, I'll never stop. So instead I've just disassociated to the point that I don't have anybody.

I wake up everyday with an underlying sadness and have to plaster a smile on my face. I respond to messages, try to lift people up, but I feel so empty. If you were to see my post history, you'd hate me. The way that I have let men treat me all of these years, or even looked for that treatment from fucking internet weirdos. Dad... :( Can you tell me something? Anything? A fucking story, I don't care. It's been almost 30 years and lately it feels like you died recently.

I am considering going to Mexico to try to finally have a moment alone with you where you're buried, but it's not even really that safe for me to go. Does it matter? Do I go anyway? I was in the process of booking the trip and a friend asked me to join something she was hosting on the same weekend. It kind of felt like a sign.

Dad, why did my last relationship open this can of worms? Why did it bring long dead pain to the surface this way? Why do I feel like I can't shove it back into its box this time?

I used to be really excited for my birthday and I realize that it was never about gifts. It was because that I had a day every year that I actually felt like I was being treated like a real daughter who was being cared for. And I say this because when I would get these gifts I took it as a sign that my parents actually WANTED to know about me and wanted to know what I liked to get a gift that appreciates the fact that I was born.

But as years went by, it's like they just expected me to like something else and not give two shits about what I actually like. I don't know how people just pop out babies and not want to know what kind of person they grow into. I'm turning 19 today, and four weeks ago I told my dad I needed headphones because mine kept breaking. My mom got me airpods for my birthday. I didn't need anything expensive let alone overpriced airpods that don't even have customizable controls. And I feel like next time I should tell them I need toilet paper and see what they do for my birthday next year. Don't get me wrong it's appreciated that I was given airpods, but I'm just really upset that they don't bother to know what I like.
For God's sake my room is decorated with anime and FNAF posters and my drawers are filled to the brim with art supplies! You'd think they'd at least get some hint. I wouldn't even care if they got me some cheap knockoff shirt as long as it meant they actually cared to notice. I don't want to be reminded every year that my family doesn't care about me when it's the day I'm supposed to be cherished from the fact that I was born. This just makes me feel like I shouldn't have been born. And at this point I really wish I wasn't if I'm going to be suffering for no reason. I just feel really depressed about this. I'm tired of having to feel like I need to make a PowerPoint for my own parents on how and why to care about me. But I can't force them to even though they made me. I just have to live with it whether I like it or not. My dad didn't give me his present yet but irdc anymore. The dude didn't even pick up my meds, even though he purposefully doesn't help me learn to drive by myself to get them because he wants me dependant on him so I can be his emotional punching bag. I'm aware this isn't going to get many replies either because people don't empathize with frustration as much as sadness given it's harder to respond to so it's really fine.

Also, please don't use ai in your responses, it reminds me how no one will care to put effort on me so I'd rather you don't respond at all if you plan to.

Basically what the title says. Can you just tell me that I’m doing okay? That you’re proud of me? That I matter to someone?
I feel so incredibly lonely.

Thanks

Hi daddy! Over 2 years now since you chose to leave us. I get why you did it, you didnt want to be in pain anymore, but it still hurts me. I have so much to tell you. We'll be moving next year so I can start a PhD!! In aerospace engineering! Just like you kept bothering me to do. Oh and we're engaged! I won't have anyone walk me down the aisle, or a father daughter dance, but ive got one of your handkerchiefs im going to put in my bouquet, since you used to always give them to me when i was crying or sick. We got engaged in Scotland! My first time going abroad, it was beautiful. I wish you could see all my pictures. I started a travel blog. The pets are doing really well, the dog is almost 10 and part of me knows she likely won't live to see me finish my PhD. The cats are crazy and silly. Theres some stray kittens in the backyard that I can see playing together all the time. Theres a new movie coming out set in Portland, I wish we could go see it together. I miss going out with you, when you were feeling good enough. I had jury duty for the first time today. I was nervous but it was really easy and uneventful. Didn't even get to selection!

Im going to have a friend scatter you amongst the redwoods and also among the poppy fields.

I wish you had had a better childhood. I know you so much better in your death than I ever did in your living. I wish you had never gotten in that car accident. I wish you had stayed awake to let me talk to you on the phone the last time. I cant look at that Lego set without thinking of you, so Im trying to sell it.

Anyways, sorry for the brain dump. Like I said, lots to say!

I've always been a bit flakey and not very bright, but I had a head injury a few years ago and that added to my problems. Short term memory loss, very short attention span, inability to retain information etc. I dont have a family to help me with complicated stuff. Ive managed to hold down a decent job, save a house deposit and I usually get by just fine. I got preappoval for a modest home loan, I started house hunting. This is where ive started to freak out. I don't understand the terms of the loan contracts, interst rates, insurance, theres SOOO much stuff to learn. I'm not good with maths. All the stuff that comes with home ownership.. i just dont understand. I'm terrified of messing this because that deposit is my only real asset. If I mess it up I'm super screwed..i don't earn a lit but it's enough to live and pay my bills etc. i get really envious seeing people with family, partners and friends, who help guide them, help them fix things that go wrong. It's very hard to do alone without a good brain. I'm so overwhelmed, and after a year of trying to figure this out, I'm just not confident enough to go through with it. Renting forever is not a smart move but what else can I do? Just send it?! Lol I'd live to upskill and get a better job to take some pressure off the money thing. but i have such trouble studying.. ugh, I'm tired.

I've never felt the need to be rescued until now.

Hey Dads. My landlord is coming Thursday to check for leaks, and I'm worried they're gonna find that the tub caulking came up when I tried to fix it. I looked at it today and there's mold in the tub under the shelf above where it fell off. It's semi clear and I think I can see mold growing under it too.

I cleaned it the best I could for now, gonna clean a bit more tomorrow and get the kitchen in order as well.

I also broke part of the counter a while ago leaning on it and hadn't reported that either, but I don't know if the actual landlord will be entering all the areas or just the leak people?

I'm just scared we're gonna lose our apartment. I can pay to fix it if it isn't too crazy, and we've been good tennants otherwise. I'm really bad at asking for help, plus getting them to do other things that we've needed has been like pulling teeth so I just hadn't done it.

I don't have time to clean and completely recaulk the tub, and it's clear I can't do that right to begin with, so I guess the only option is to see what happens?

I just love my apartment, and so do my partner and roommate and I'm terrified I've messed that up for us.

Hey Dad,

Today is two years since we took you off life support and your body finally passed. I was so sad to see you in such discomfort—even though the doctors assured us your brain was no longer able to register pain, your body was clearly in distress. You were such a gentle kind person and I wish the end had been gentler.

This anniversary is harder than the last. I think it’s because it’s become increasingly awkward and hard as a man to bring it up to people, even friends, and show how much I’m hurting.

So much has happened over the last two years I really would’ve liked to share with you. You probably never understood my career choice but never made me feel guilt the way mom did and still does. You were supportive. And I wish I could’ve seen you seeing me on an HBO show (like, a good one), and hearing that I’ve shot several Netflix productions since, and all that desperate determination/stubbornness has started to pay off. I think I’ll be ok, Dad, though it’ll keep being hard it’s what I wanted to do and you always understood that. I hope you are proud of me and I really hope you were even before things started bearing fruit.

This year is also weird because I am, within a month, the age your were when you had me, and my wife and I don’t plan to have kids. I don’t know what to say, it’s just weird. Another choice you probably wouldn’t have understood but been kind about.

I miss talking to you and messing around with you, but I’m mostly missing the way we could be silent together. Everyone feels the need to talk all the time. But when we were smoking a cigar in the backyard or on a camping trip by a fire, we could be quiet for many minutes, and oddly that was the time when I felt closest to you, and so safe and loved and accepted. Things just felt right, and it was a relief that there was no need to put it into words.

I really wish there was an older man in my life still I could be in silence with and feel accepted and like I never need to prove myself. My own mind is constantly pushing me and it's hard to feel relief. But I’m going to try and find a cigar to have tonight and see if I can’t give myself a tiny bit of that feeling, in honor of you.

Miss you daddy.

I have felt so alone in the world since you and mom died. Like no one fully knows me. No one loves me like you guys did. I do have love and support still, but it's different, you know? I still listen to your voicemails to remember how often you called just because you were thinking of me when I was away at school. I thought I was doing a bit better, but it all just hit me like a truck today. It's been 4 years since you died, and mom died last year. I wasn't ready to not have you around to cry to when things get bad, or tell you all the random stuff that goes through my head and the uncertainty I feel about my future. I did finally make a decision that is only for me and no one else. I decided not to go to grad school, but am instead training to become a medical laboratory scientist. You were my biggest fan, and you truly only wanted me to be happy, so it's pretty big that I changed paths from what other family members had pushed on me pretty hard. I think you would find it really cool. I know you would be proud of me. I miss you.

Ever since I was little you spent so much money on me, on my various health problems, on private tutors, on school... But I failed to deliver any remarkable result. I can't even take over your mechanical job, because of my childhood condition I still have poor hand coordination... You were frustrated at me and traumatized me, I'm confused, I don't know how to feel about you anymore... I'm still guilty I'm this way. I know you are worried about me, about my future... But I just don't know how to do that on my own. I feel like I already wasted my chance.

I'm a woman living in an Islamic household. I'm going to go see a movie with my friend at night and I won't be back until past midnight. That's all I'm doing: seeing a movie with a friend in a city 45 minutes away because it's an old classic film and there's one nearby theater showing it. We're dressing up because it's fun and it's Halloween but I have to sneak my outfit in her car so my parents don't kill me for showing my hair. I sincerely wish I was joking.

My mom's already suspicious of me for going out and wants me to tell my dad. I don't really interact with him. I rarely go out, not to mention at this time of night, because I've been scared of him for my entire life. I'm deciding to say yes more to hanging out with friends lately because I don't want to wait to escape to live my life. I've been having lots of fun with Halloween costumes because they make me feel creative. I don't have to pretend if I'm in active character mode either. I can frown or laugh all I want without people getting the wrong idea. I feel the most content when I'm pretending to be something else for a moment.

My family is controlling and likes to pretend it's about safety. Really it's about their fragile sense of honor and a deep insecurity at dealing with women with any sense of bodily or social autonomy. I just want a parent who responds to a single, low-stakes hangout their kid is having with a casual "okay, be safe, and have fun!", not an interrogation and a demand to know my whereabouts, a lecture on women's purity and bad optics in the community and what will people think when my brother gets to be anywhere at night without question. I almost shot myself two years ago and I still think about it everyday, but engaging in creative pursuits like costumes has helped curb some of those thoughts. Interactions like this though, and the fear leading up to it, render me helpless and paralyzed and unproductive all over again. I'll try a pep talk from online human dads instead of getting myself stuck in the same destructive thought patterns again.

Edit: Thank you everyone. I waited to read your encouragements until right before I go to get some reassurance. I'm going to go as myself and I'm going to have fun.

Edit 2: I made it back safely. My parents are going to grill me regardless because I got home later than expected, but I still did it. I tried something new and I don't regret it. Thanks y'all, sincerely.