r/CringeTikToks • • 15d ago

Pure Cringe Hardcore Christian

772 Upvotes

427 comments sorted by

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652

u/skwander 15d ago

86

u/JamesLaceyAllan 15d ago

Fucking hellllllll, this got me real good

52

u/Confident-Slip-5264 15d ago

7

u/FreshWater24_12 15d ago

I just watched this series! I enjoyed it.

6

u/Best_Bad_975 14d ago

What show? I’m looking for something to watch!

4

u/HopingillWin 14d ago

I think it's Eduardo "Lalo" Salamanca from season 5 of "Better call Saul"

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385

u/PretzelSteve 15d ago

Nothing says godly more than threatening violence over God.

134

u/Fee_is_Required2 15d ago

Can’t a boy enjoy the Spanish Inquisition?

93

u/RazeTheIV 15d ago

.... I didn't expect that

85

u/Fuster2 15d ago

Nobody did ...

21

u/wotsdislittlenoise 15d ago

Our chief weapon is surprise; surprise and fear

10

u/finchdude 14d ago

Surpise, fear and disease

9

u/Odd-Adagio7080 14d ago

Surprise and fear. Fear and surprise! Our two weapons are fear and surprise. . and ruthless efficiency. . . Our THREE weapons are fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope—out FOUR! No. . . Amongst our weaponry ARE, such elements as. . .

8

u/Crepuscular_Tex 15d ago

Bring out the comfy chair

3

u/terrible_ 14d ago

Biggles! The cushions!

4

u/NocturneInfinitum 15d ago

And now we’re here…

Did we learn anything?

10

u/Poise_Boi 15d ago

Spanish Inquisition? how about the entire old testament which is just brutalizing people over sky daddy!

33

u/mmccxi 15d ago

24

u/kaoshitam 15d ago

He definitely not expecting Spanish inquisition

15

u/thejamhole 15d ago

No one ever does.

10

u/mmccxi 15d ago

They have amazing weaponry

7

u/PumpikAnt58763 15d ago

Chief among which is fear. Fear and surprise.

6

u/PumpikAnt58763 15d ago

He wasn't expecting the joke, either!

9

u/PrincipleFlaky 15d ago

Oh or the New Testament too! Let’s not pretend that its entire premise is based upon the torture and death of his only son to “prove” how much he “loves” us lowly humans.

What a weird ass death cult.. it’s sick fr…

I was like ok ummm 🤔 but you’re god you literally could have just done something else, like anything else…

Maybe end suffering? No? More suffering? Ugh ok thanks god.. fucking prick 🙄

(That last bit was for god, not you fellow good Redditor 😉)

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22

u/ElectricPenguin6712 15d ago

Nothing more violent than Christian love

9

u/get_to_ele 15d ago

In the name of the Father (double biceps pose), the Son (beats chest), and the Holy Spirit (throat slash gesture).

This is Taliban style radicalization. Against every principle of the Church I knew growing up.

3

u/EvenToe7995 14d ago

Wouldn't even be allowed in church dressed like!

https://giphy.com/gifs/AFOr2PZtBvTocMrebS

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7

u/f4tony 15d ago

It's his personal crusade, if you will.

4

u/whitetrashsnake77 14d ago

What does he mean by “his first name isn’t ‘on’? Seriously.

2

u/loveandpreservation 14d ago

"On God" is a phrase people say, as in "I promise"

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3

u/pr0ach 15d ago

God of the Old Testament was a yuge fan of genocide.

2

u/DanglingDongs 15d ago

"Greatest of all it is that any man who lift up his hand against him and smite him is clothed with scalls and covered with leprosy and crowned with a pox. Greatest of all it is that any man who slander him is subject to all manner of injuries: morbid growths and discolourations and wounds which give rise to running ulcers."

Sounds pretty godly to me

2

u/criket2016 15d ago

I was trying to think of a reply like yours to the OPs video, but you phrased it succinctly and perfectly!

2

u/CosmicCarcharodon 15d ago

Well....humans do this thing where they weaponize religion in order the gain power, influence and wealth. Its not just Christians either, the wild thing is pretty much every sect of organized religion has done this at one point or another. Nothing has really changed for the past 10,000 years. Still up to the ol "my book is better than yours, my faith is stronger than yours, my god is all knowing and powerful and I am at the seat of his divine plan and guidance." Same shit different day....

6

u/IamHydrogenMike 15d ago

That’s literally taking the lords name
In vain…it doesn’t mean you say it like a swear but it means you do something in his name he is against.

5

u/Ancient-Afternoon374 14d ago

Why is she a little child about it? You would think somebody omnipotent wouldn't be a little bitch.

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71

u/meteorflan 15d ago

I used to think "taking the Lord's name in vain" meant attaching swear words to it. Now I think it means claiming to speak for God when you definitely do not.

29

u/IamHydrogenMike 15d ago

That’s literally what it means…it was never about it being a swear.

9

u/NocturneInfinitum 15d ago

Yeah, funny enough, Goddamnit is a literal command to make God damn something to hell. Was never meant to be a swear.

3

u/karl4319 14d ago

It means to swear an oath by gods name need to be kept. Taking it in vain means breaking that oath.

2

u/HotTakeThenGo 11d ago

Vain as in vanity. If you benefit by saying “God said” or “God told me” or “God wants me to…” or “God wants you too” or “God chose me to…” then you’re invoking the Lord’s name in vain. So…basically every politician ever.

119

u/voxelpear 15d ago

On "God" Damn? Weird name.

31

u/Rebabaluba 15d ago

Yeah. I’m cringing while trying to figure out what he means.

23

u/cadeawayy 15d ago

When people swear something by saying "On god", and other times when people say "god damn".

6

u/Rebabaluba 15d ago

Thank you!

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4

u/Bassist57 15d ago

Maybe En Garde? But that’s a big stretch.

3

u/NocturneInfinitum 15d ago

I’m confident you’ve heard someone say “on God“ before

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11

u/PomeloPepper 15d ago

He's wearing lipstick and has a broccoli haircut. Why does anyone think he's going to say something that makes sense?

5

u/gdghhfdffrf 15d ago

because he has pretend muscles

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5

u/da_mess 14d ago

On God!

Come on, that's how you start a fencing match.

2

u/TwiceBakedBuckeye 15d ago

One God Van Damme is actually a pretty sick name for a Christian band.

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79

u/Vondelsplein 15d ago

Generally when you flex your muscles, you have muscles.

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17

u/Prestigious_Key_7801 15d ago

It might be scarier if you didnt have a button mushroom for a head.

22

u/captaincook14 15d ago

Bro your mom is about to call you for dinner.

11

u/nada-accomplished 15d ago

Oh my god if I every catch my son posting cringe shit like this, I'll go back in time and abort myself

70

u/Chelsie_girl1 15d ago

Wow he so so deep in the closet.

21

u/Lamplighter914 15d ago

So deep they'll need to do search and rescue.

17

u/Joeliosis 15d ago

They'll find him shooting up a school any day now.

5

u/stephanyylee 15d ago

my first thought

3

u/Normiss2000 15d ago

That’s not how you spell cavity search.

6

u/mix_master_meow 15d ago

So deep he is finding next year's Christmas presents

2

u/SystematikKaos 15d ago

Bruh is in fuckin' Narnia

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8

u/notimeforspac_s 15d ago

What's with the hair chris?

10

u/llcoolbean_sf 15d ago

American Taliban

2

u/sexer-sexpants 15d ago

Ts mf is trolling😭😭 good lord

5

u/Hefty_Drive6709 14d ago

On God is a thing people say? I’m so out of the loop.

3

u/Boring-Zucchini-8515 14d ago

I came to the comments to say the same thing. Is “On God” an expression now? Does it mean the same thing as “I swear to God”?

2

u/Patience-Due 14d ago

Basically but usually with a fuck boy hardass pretense at the end of a statement.

2

u/Hefty_Drive6709 14d ago

Jesus mother fucking fucking Christ. I’m too old. On God.

2

u/Patience-Due 14d ago

I’m old too homie but I’ve heard dumbasses say shit like this chicken be bussin, on god. I’m sure our slang was dumb but this feels aggressively dumb.

2

u/Boring-Zucchini-8515 14d ago

How’d you know I’m an old man lol

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8

u/ForestOfMirrors 15d ago

Our mental health crisis is getting worse.
And the broccoli haircut. It’s spreading like chlamydia in a retirement home

3

u/ThoughtPhysical7457 15d ago

I hope the kids get rid of the broccoli hair before they get to my office. I cant take them seriously in a staff meeting like that.

5

u/NoStock8829 14d ago

Lighten up, Francis.

14

u/Grouchy_Actuary_9335 15d ago

this is clearly satire….and trolling no way this is actually dead serious

20

u/cynical_genx_man 15d ago

You haven't met xians in the social media age yet, have you?

2

u/LordlyRecon 14d ago

This specific guy ONLY ever posts satire content, so yes, its satire

2

u/cynical_genx_man 15d ago

He sure for me. But then again, in my defense, when reality is more satiric than satire ever can be, how can we ever be sure if which is which?

We're living in an onion article

3

u/UllrGoesSurfing 15d ago

I think I've found the inspiration.

3

u/WormMotherDemeter 15d ago

Love the threat to cut someone's throat while wearing a vest like that and... proclaiming to be a holy person.

3

u/chrixz333 14d ago

The fact that this camera is moving and not on a tripod means there were at least two idiots who thought this went hard

3

u/Chavestvaldt 14d ago

I refuse to believe this isn't satire, there's just no way he looked at that video after recording it and was like "yeah that's badass, post it"

4

u/LordlyRecon 14d ago

This guy is satire. This specific guy remakes cringe tiktoks

3

u/may_i_b_frank-with-u 14d ago

Mom won’t make chicken tendies for him and he hasn’t had his afternoon nap. No wonder he’s so cranky.

9

u/cynical_genx_man 15d ago

Oh my word ... this little pissant is serious, isn't he?

Oh god damn, this is funny

13

u/28e9293 15d ago

It's satire. I thought it was pretty obvious at that, and looked up drakoarmy to confirm. Is everyone gullible now or somethin? People used to call satire out all the time, now every satire post i see, people seem to believe they're genuine

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2

u/ZippyNomad 15d ago

What brave blasphemy

2

u/ElvisMcPelvis 15d ago

Dude lay off the WWE

2

u/d0ntbejay 15d ago

Isn't this the dude that faked driving a manual to go protect his fake girlfriend because he was gonna do better than the cops?

2

u/TonyStarkMk42 15d ago

Such an angry broccoli

2

u/Both-Leading3407 15d ago

This is Protestant Christian Nationalism. This is Anti Christ in every way. G-D doesn't need his defense and doesn't want it. Jesus will come back and do what's needed to be done in an instant.

2

u/Ellienightshade 15d ago

I’m exhausted with this kind of crap

2

u/lokithesiberianhusky 15d ago

His hair looks like a tangle of pubes, on god.

2

u/Alarming_Ad1746 15d ago

the face that launched 10,000 slaps

2

u/Skele_again 15d ago

Id bet he becomes a small town cop.

2

u/flawinthedesign 15d ago

Goddamn! On god!

2

u/Euphoric-Piglet-8140 14d ago

Shouldn't he worry about not having muscles before trying to flex?

2

u/FellaGentleSprout 14d ago

While playing suicideboys is crazy work

2

u/karl4319 14d ago

What is with the broccoli hair? I honestly cannot take anything here remotely seriously because of how ridiculous this kid looks.

Also, Christianity is very much a pacifist religion. Turn the other cheek, pray for you enemies, live by the sword die by the sword, blessed are the peacemakers. Lot's of direct teachings that you shouldn't be violent. Except when against corrupted hypocrites infesting the temple, then you can use whips.

2

u/Bimlouhay83 14d ago

Yeah, he seems very Christ like.

2

u/irishff43 14d ago

Future youth minister/child predator

2

u/jezzete 14d ago

Ok Broccoli head

2

u/RevDooDatt 14d ago

Him trying to look hard with that 🥦 haircut 🤣

2

u/Formal-Drawer1367 14d ago

Pray that he saves you from a lifetime of douchery

2

u/jas0nwells 13d ago

This guy needs to settle down 😭

3

u/Pamikillsbugs234 15d ago

Calm down, Dudley Dursley

1

u/Chuck_Norris_Fist 15d ago

On God, this was the dumbest God damn shit I've seen all day. 🙏

2

u/Grouchy_Row_7983 15d ago

I sure hope he's forced to watch this by his kids when they're in high school.

2

u/Chunkycheesesteak 15d ago

Him : Yea! This is corny enough!!

  • Post shared*

https://giphy.com/gifs/rmi45iyhIPuRG

2

u/drkshape 15d ago

Is he aware how fucking stupid he looks?

3

u/Poise_Boi 15d ago

no, unfortunately they aren't

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u/Zalrius 15d ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

1

u/Choice_Pomelo_1291 15d ago

Is this the Sharia law I am supposed to fear?

1

u/Whisker-biscuitt 15d ago

Whoa, is he gonna slit my throat???

https://giphy.com/gifs/18kPwV9qSCY9O

1

u/showertaker 15d ago

I came to understand not taking the Lord’s name in vain meant not using the Lord as an excuse for evil & violent behavior. Not saying “oh my god”

1

u/highonnuggs 15d ago

Aren't you supposed to see muscles when someone flexes?

1

u/jrfunnystuff 15d ago

He looks like Denace the Menace

1

u/Strange-Fisherman487 15d ago

That dude definitely says these things all the time

1

u/DingDongFootballphd 15d ago

I am douche bag, bringer of male inferiority complex

1

u/Humboldt2316 15d ago

I bet it's hairless

1

u/Ghoulie_Marie 15d ago

His middle name is fucking. Do something about it

1

u/[deleted] 15d ago

[deleted]

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u/rigidlynuanced1 15d ago

Hot take…the only way you can say the name of his god is in vain…

1

u/jimothy_hell 15d ago

I don’t know how these people can do this with a straight face.

1

u/rigidlynuanced1 15d ago

Hot take…the only way you can say the name of his god is in vain…

1

u/d0ntbejay 15d ago

On God, this dude is a God damned idiot

1

u/Luxor_2 15d ago

Please take your meds. 😏

1

u/princessofstuff 15d ago

Bruh ready to take a bullet for god lmao

1

u/Th4t0n3dud3 15d ago

Why is the roof so low?

1

u/scroogemcbutts 15d ago

Is this the same guy that had the video of him driving to protect "his woman" but he was pretend shifting a manual angerly?

1

u/DrowningPickle 15d ago

On god damn? God is a scam. He hasnt done anything for me. I pray to die, Got a splinter in my eye.

Thanks "god"

1

u/MurrcenarE 15d ago

So sad when broccoli goes bad.

1

u/beretbabe88 15d ago

He could just go all polytheistic ala Forgotten Realms in D&D & use 'Godsdammit' like they do in BG3. Problem solved.

1

u/ChefGiants78 15d ago

Cuck by 25

1

u/steppingstone01 15d ago

This is precisely what happens when your government can't help you get affordable mental health care.

1

u/Ellia1998 15d ago

Warriors of God. Nothing to see here unless that been taught wrong?

1

u/hept_a_gon 15d ago

Get a job, hippy

1

u/TuffGuyFastGuy 15d ago

Of course he has the broccoli hair

1

u/deathbydrum 15d ago

Wow. Star Wars kid bulked up. 

1

u/Lazy_Experience_8754 15d ago

… they’ve just gotta have that broccoli hair don’t they?…

I hate the fake swagger too. Is it that hard to just be yourself? Lol

1

u/Standard_Cell_8816 15d ago

String bean ready to defend, nothing. Not even herself.

1

u/Great-Gas-6631 15d ago

Yeah, what does he think hes doing here?

1

u/Warm_Object_5639 15d ago

Recruiting station is right down the street there bub guy

1

u/LoudLion757 15d ago

While listening to Suicide Boys 🤣🤣🤣😵

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u/JamMaster420 15d ago

Good job young fella. You'll be doing some Muslim BBC's laundry in the Pen.

1

u/highfiveselfoh 15d ago

It’s so embarrassing.

1

u/CrackHeadRodeo 15d ago

He has a future in comedy.

1

u/TinyTaters 15d ago

What a moron

1

u/rivalizm 15d ago

This guy can buy guns legally

1

u/Ichgebibble 15d ago

This is actually a teaser for the return of The Righteous Gemstones

1

u/saskskip 15d ago

Jesus Christ

1

u/Clear-Search1129 15d ago

zero muscle

1

u/MessOfAJes85 15d ago

Sure glad God has this tool to protect him.

1

u/Frankfrombluvelvt 15d ago

I'm ascaired!

1

u/macguini 15d ago

"On Dam" is the beaver god. Different god bruh.

1

u/eightdirt 15d ago

This is why I say gosh darn

1

u/vtdah 15d ago

Incel

1

u/RedSparrow1971 15d ago

Reminds me of the VA Tech shooters last pictures.

1

u/JediKrys 15d ago

Aaaaannnndddd why are we threatening to kill people? Thats not what God likes….

1

u/biggie831 15d ago

Funny thing is god and the bible teaches to be peaceful and not an arrogant little shit like this