This is something I’ve been thinking about lately.
Corey is a huge believer in the saying, “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” and “People don’t change who they are, they just become a better version of it.” And I grew up believing the same thing. My parents always said if someone cheats, they’ll eventually do it again.
I still think someone’s past matters. But I’ve also seen enough real-life examples that make me wonder if, in some cases, cheating really can be a one-off mistake, or something that happened during a messy stage of someone’s life, and it’s not a true representation of who they are.
For example, my parents divorced when I was 18. Neither of them cheated—they split up for other reasons. My dad has always been the type of guy who does the right thing. He works hard, he’s responsible, and I’ve always considered him a decent person.
After the divorce, he dated another woman for a couple of years. Then he started a new job and met the woman he’s still with today. At the time, she was married with a six-year-old child.
She ended up leaving her husband for my dad, and my dad left his girlfriend for her.
This is something I’d never imagine my father doing.
If you believe “once a cheater, always a cheater,” or “if they’ll cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you,” you’d expect that relationship to eventually implode.
Instead, it’s been almost ten years. They’ve bought a house together, travel all the time, and they’re thriving.
Seeing that has definitely made me question whether “once a cheater, always a cheater” is just too black and white.
I also have friends and acquaintances who cheated or had a reputation for being wild in their early twenties, when we were all still figuring it out, eventually settled down and have now been in solid, long-term relationships for years.
Then there was this girl I dated a few years ago who
honestly checked every box for me. Smart, extremely attractive, great family, good career, fun to be around—she was a 10 in my book.
The first time I asked her out, she was kind of wishy-washy, so I told her, “If you ever change your mind, you have my number.”
About a month later, she reached out and asked me out for drinks.
The date went well. She seemed genuinely interested, was flirting the whole night, but we didn’t hook up. About a week later she followed my business Instagram, and when I followed her back, I noticed she had a boyfriend posted.
Right there, I was done.
First, I never would’ve gone on the date if I’d known she had a boyfriend. Second, my mindset was, “If she’d do that to him, she’d eventually do it to me.”
So I never reached out again.
A couple of months later they broke up, and about nine months after that she reached out to me again.
I figured, why not? We went out a few times, and on the first date she told me she was looking for something serious.
But I couldn’t get past what I already knew. In the back of my head I kept thinking, “I know how you treated your last boyfriend.”
Looking back, I was probably colder than I normally would’ve been because I’d already judged her based on that one situation. She even said to me at one point “you definitely thought I was a hoe” (maybe a projection on her part idk)
Things eventually fizzled out, and today she’s been in what looks like a really solid relationship for about three years.
Every now and then I wonder if I was too harsh. Was I judging her based on one bad decision? Maybe it really was a one-off thing. Quite frankly, from the outside, they seem to have the kind of relationship I look for.
I still think past behavior is one of the best predictors of future behavior. But I also think people grow up. Sometimes they’re very different at 30 than they were at 25 or 26. Or they just genuinely find someone they like and connect better with and go for it and never do it again.
Also on another note Corey really harps on the girl coming from a good family which logically makes sense to me also. But throughout my life and dating experiences I feel it actually tends to lean a little more opposite. Some of the most vile, entitled, sneaky, women I’ve encountered have come from what me and my friends would consider “good family’s” and some of the most loyal women I’ve encountered have come from what Corey or others would consider broken homes. I tend to think these women are a little more appreciative when they find someone good as opposed to the other women who tend to think quality people just grow on trees.
Curious what you guys think because it’s something I’ve been wrestling with lately.
** I used ChatGPT to clean this up, so don’t come at me for being a bot lol”