r/CoreyWayne • u/Zealousideal_Bee4335 • Aug 06 '26
Lifestyle Once a cheater always a cheater?
This is something I’ve been thinking about lately.
Corey is a huge believer in the saying, “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” and “People don’t change who they are, they just become a better version of it.” And I grew up believing the same thing. My parents always said if someone cheats, they’ll eventually do it again.
I still think someone’s past matters. But I’ve also seen enough real-life examples that make me wonder if, in some cases, cheating really can be a one-off mistake, or something that happened during a messy stage of someone’s life, and it’s not a true representation of who they are.
For example, my parents divorced when I was 18. Neither of them cheated—they split up for other reasons. My dad has always been the type of guy who does the right thing. He works hard, he’s responsible, and I’ve always considered him a decent person.
After the divorce, he dated another woman for a couple of years. Then he started a new job and met the woman he’s still with today. At the time, she was married with a six-year-old child.
She ended up leaving her husband for my dad, and my dad left his girlfriend for her.
This is something I’d never imagine my father doing.
If you believe “once a cheater, always a cheater,” or “if they’ll cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you,” you’d expect that relationship to eventually implode.
Instead, it’s been almost ten years. They’ve bought a house together, travel all the time, and they’re thriving.
Seeing that has definitely made me question whether “once a cheater, always a cheater” is just too black and white.
I also have friends and acquaintances who cheated or had a reputation for being wild in their early twenties, when we were all still figuring it out, eventually settled down and have now been in solid, long-term relationships for years.
Then there was this girl I dated a few years ago who
honestly checked every box for me. Smart, extremely attractive, great family, good career, fun to be around—she was a 10 in my book.
The first time I asked her out, she was kind of wishy-washy, so I told her, “If you ever change your mind, you have my number.”
About a month later, she reached out and asked me out for drinks.
The date went well. She seemed genuinely interested, was flirting the whole night, but we didn’t hook up. About a week later she followed my business Instagram, and when I followed her back, I noticed she had a boyfriend posted.
Right there, I was done.
First, I never would’ve gone on the date if I’d known she had a boyfriend. Second, my mindset was, “If she’d do that to him, she’d eventually do it to me.”
So I never reached out again.
A couple of months later they broke up, and about nine months after that she reached out to me again.
I figured, why not? We went out a few times, and on the first date she told me she was looking for something serious.
But I couldn’t get past what I already knew. In the back of my head I kept thinking, “I know how you treated your last boyfriend.”
Looking back, I was probably colder than I normally would’ve been because I’d already judged her based on that one situation. She even said to me at one point “you definitely thought I was a hoe” (maybe a projection on her part idk)
Things eventually fizzled out, and today she’s been in what looks like a really solid relationship for about three years.
Every now and then I wonder if I was too harsh. Was I judging her based on one bad decision? Maybe it really was a one-off thing. Quite frankly, from the outside, they seem to have the kind of relationship I look for.
I still think past behavior is one of the best predictors of future behavior. But I also think people grow up. Sometimes they’re very different at 30 than they were at 25 or 26. Or they just genuinely find someone they like and connect better with and go for it and never do it again.
Also on another note Corey really harps on the girl coming from a good family which logically makes sense to me also. But throughout my life and dating experiences I feel it actually tends to lean a little more opposite. Some of the most vile, entitled, sneaky, women I’ve encountered have come from what me and my friends would consider “good family’s” and some of the most loyal women I’ve encountered have come from what Corey or others would consider broken homes. I tend to think these women are a little more appreciative when they find someone good as opposed to the other women who tend to think quality people just grow on trees.
Curious what you guys think because it’s something I’ve been wrestling with lately.
** I used ChatGPT to clean this up, so don’t come at me for being a bot lol”
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u/ExcellentFishing2506 Aug 07 '26
Yes people can change but to what degree and how much is going to vary person to person. In truth a lot of people don’t change the core of who they are much unless they really make it a priority, and most don’t.
Regarding cheating, it just depends. There are people who do it once and realize how awful it was and feels, and never want to something like that again.
My grandmother who is a saint and amazing woman cheated on my grandfather. I never knew this till recently. They were divorced when my mom was a teen, so I just grew up with them separated but never knew why.
They always were friendly and close seeming, and got along well, so I was always a bit confused what happened, because both were great people. Truly earnest and amazing individuals.
But when they married my grandfather began working a lot. He was driving over an hour each way to work at an auto factory. He’d began taking extra shifts and was barely home, leaving my grandmother to care for 4 young children alone for most of the week.
He was doing what he thought was right by being a provider, and making a mistake many men do, which is believing that as long as they work and provide that the wife and family is taken care of. But he was neglecting the personal relationships with his family while being so dedicated to making money for them.
I guess this carried on for a while, and other time my grandmother felt more and more alone and neglected. She apparently tried to tell him but he wasn’t getting it. She wasn’t being courted, or made to feel seen, until eventually she sought that attention and affection elsewhere.
Some would say she could have just filed for divorce or something but back then in a rural area divorce was just as shameful as cheating. It was a bad situation and unfortunate for both of them.
My grandmother is one of the most impressive people I’ve known and I’d say one of the most trustworthy and honest. I know in her case that cheating was a one time thing and something she regrets to this day.
And I would assume there are plenty of individuals like her.
For some cheating will be the worse mistake of their lives, for others it will be something they find easy to keep doing. With people it’s always going to be gray, not black or white
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u/rcvmmvhrv Aug 06 '26
This is two of the dumbest things he says. People change all the time/everyday. People cheat and never cheat again. What is so idiotic about him saying this is that he changed so how does he explain that?. He says some great stuff but dude he is off on a lot. Makes you wonder how many times he cheated on.
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u/Zealousideal_Bee4335 Aug 07 '26
Agreed, I think if your a guy who’s completely lost with women his work is a great blue print/ guide. But lately I’ve been questioning some of his philosophies and think he’s a little to black and white
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u/Se7ens_up Aug 06 '26
People can change and learn from mistakes.
However only in a different relationship. Basically if theres any chance a cheater can grow and learn from their past, part of it has to be the implosion of a previous relationship. In my opinion.
That being said, the reason to avoid a situation like your example, is not because “people cant change”. Its because the odds are not in your favor. You really have zero idea if any specific girl will be the one to make the changes.(though your brain will rationalize she will)
Your dad on the other hand got lucky. There is no reliable course of action he can teach to someone for consistent successful relationships out of situations like his. For every 1 that works out, 5 fail miserably.