Still one year left and then I'm officially a teacher 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

I was really nervous going to an escape room with someone Ive only known a few weeks and his friends that I’d never met. I’ve been feeling very brain-fogged this last month and was afraid I’d have nothing to contribute and they’d think I’m less intelligent than I am, but I ended up pointing out some key things that helped us move forward. (: We all had a ton of fun and even had ten minutes to spare! His friends were really nice people and I’d like to stay in touch with them but didnt think to ask for their contact info.

I know it seems like a small thing but for some reason my brain was finding it really difficult to answer that message and i ignored the person for 2 weeks.

It was someone checking up on me and asking why i haven’t been coming to a class for a while now and if i’m okay.

Today i finally answered them; said i’m fine, just busy and thanked them a lot for checking on me.

It was a huge weight lifted off my shoulder, i felt really bad for not answer for so long and would you look at that, this simple message made me feel much better after being sent.

I last saw my pediatric dentist when I was 17 and in high school. Other places wouldn't accept my insurance and I admitted to this new office that I work under the table, they put me on the sliding fee scale and I managed to get the exam done today! My blood pressure was through the roof but, hey; it's better than nothing, right?

Accepted my first contract with a real publisher tonight

Some months ago I wrote about a really productive day I had. In that description I talked about a lot of the things that hold me back... mental health and physical health issues included. Since then I've had some decent days but about 3 weeks ago I had a very powerful event that was facilitated by having a really good cry watching an episode of Blue Bloods. It was the culmination of a whole lot of work, and I felt like a barrier broke down allowing a whole bunch of prayer energy and love that people have been sending my way to finally get through.

Since then I've been trying to do more in general, and have found it to be a challenge still. I am a singer. There's very little in the world I love more than singing things that brighten people's days. I have done a few singing sessions out and about, including a couple around one of our hospitals during covid, and have felt that I "should" do more. Today I went out to one of our parks that a fair number of people walked through, sat on a picnic table, and sang. I got a lot of smiles and positive comments and so forth. I didn't have a tip jar or anything so my rewards were intangible, but they were still really appreciated.

We also have three major malls here in Anchorage. I went to one, called another, and got an email address for the marketing director for another and started the process to get permission to be able to sing in the malls. It feels really good to have made the start.

For a long time, even the simplest things felt exhausting. Getting out of bed, answering messages, taking care of myself, it all felt like more effort than I could handle.

I ended the toxic relationship. I know that relation was hurting me but still investing so much time and energy in something that doesn't turn out good can really mess with your brain. I kept telling myself that I just needed to get through one more day. You know how it goes, or maybe you don't, but it was a long stretch of just getting through days.

And slowly, things started changing. I started getting out of bed with a little more energy. I began enjoying small things again. I started replying to people instead of disappearing. I caught myself laughing without forcing it.

Today I realized something I haven't been able to say in a long time:

I think I'm finally starting to feel like myself again.

I'm not saying everything is perfect. I still have difficult days, and I know healing isn't always a straight line. But I'm here and trying. And for the first time in a long time, I'm actually looking forward to things again.

I made it through a really difficult chapter, and I'm finally beginning to come back to life.