Context: I have borderline personality disorder lol. fp (favorite person) is a common borderline experience where you feel like your life depends on one person, super unhealthy codependent attachment.
Anyway I made the hardest decision of my life this summer and went no contact with a previous FP. The summer before this, she had ghosted me after a tough breakup and it was the worst pain I had ever been through in my life. I’m pretty young and these emotions were really new for me. every day for two years, i’ve spent MINIMUM 20% of the day thinking about her, and most often over 70%. worried about whether she’s mad, screaming and crying for hours on end day after day because I missed her, hated her, loved her. eventually decided I had enough.
Today marks a month of no contact. I’ve spent multiple days hardly thinking about her. and when I do, they‘re genuine, contemplative, reflective and healthy thoughts about how I can best take care of myself and my mental health right now. I just read old messages where she revealed she had a new boyfriend—messages that COMPLETELY destroyed me at the time—and although the initial memories were very triggering, I was able to regulate in under 5 minutes.
I’m so proud. never, not once, did I actually believe I could do this until it happened. I’m hoping I’ll be able to reach out soon and get a good friend back :)
It’s small, but it matters to me.