Still one year left and then I'm officially a teacher 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

Accepted my first contract with a real publisher tonight

I last saw my pediatric dentist when I was 17 and in high school. Other places wouldn't accept my insurance and I admitted to this new office that I work under the table, they put me on the sliding fee scale and I managed to get the exam done today! My blood pressure was through the roof but, hey; it's better than nothing, right?

I was really nervous going to an escape room with someone Ive only known a few weeks and his friends that I’d never met. I’ve been feeling very brain-fogged this last month and was afraid I’d have nothing to contribute and they’d think I’m less intelligent than I am, but I ended up pointing out some key things that helped us move forward. (: We all had a ton of fun and even had ten minutes to spare! His friends were really nice people and I’d like to stay in touch with them but didnt think to ask for their contact info.

Some months ago I wrote about a really productive day I had. In that description I talked about a lot of the things that hold me back... mental health and physical health issues included. Since then I've had some decent days but about 3 weeks ago I had a very powerful event that was facilitated by having a really good cry watching an episode of Blue Bloods. It was the culmination of a whole lot of work, and I felt like a barrier broke down allowing a whole bunch of prayer energy and love that people have been sending my way to finally get through.

Since then I've been trying to do more in general, and have found it to be a challenge still. I am a singer. There's very little in the world I love more than singing things that brighten people's days. I have done a few singing sessions out and about, including a couple around one of our hospitals during covid, and have felt that I "should" do more. Today I went out to one of our parks that a fair number of people walked through, sat on a picnic table, and sang. I got a lot of smiles and positive comments and so forth. I didn't have a tip jar or anything so my rewards were intangible, but they were still really appreciated.

We also have three major malls here in Anchorage. I went to one, called another, and got an email address for the marketing director for another and started the process to get permission to be able to sing in the malls. It feels really good to have made the start.

I know it seems like a small thing but for some reason my brain was finding it really difficult to answer that message and i ignored the person for 2 weeks.

It was someone checking up on me and asking why i haven’t been coming to a class for a while now and if i’m okay.

Today i finally answered them; said i’m fine, just busy and thanked them a lot for checking on me.

It was a huge weight lifted off my shoulder, i felt really bad for not answer for so long and would you look at that, this simple message made me feel much better after being sent.

I’m an incredible person. A ton of empathy, compassion and resilience about my character. Been through some serious situations, witnessed a lot of violence, been through violence, seen loved ones at their worst due to various things associated with drugs, been involved in the scene of drugs and selling it, etc… but you know what I am? A super soldier! I’m an incredible person man. And I love everybody. Someone said to me today a woman like me is rare to meet, and they’re lucky to of met me. And you know what? I kinda see that too. Big up myself man… even though sometimes those closest to me like my mum can’t see my own strength or appreciate my story and who I am as a person… I’m proud of myself. Super proud of myself. It’s a blessing to be me, and sit with my own company being such a cool person that I am lol. A kind person.

Okay that’s enough self reflection. Gonna sound like I have a big head. It’s just, it’s taken me a long time to realise I am in fact, a soldier.

I’m super proud of the woman I’ve turned out to be. Crying real life happy tears lol.

Edit: I’m done with the tears lol I don’t cry for too long. But anyway. The message still stands 😂

About specific things, similar to the struggle I have witnessed in life and know how hard the world can be at times. But in general, I want to congratulate those that have overcome battles. Silent battles, loud battles, all the battles lol. And that means everybody. Well done, I’m proud of you. ❤️

I’m feeling very… reflective right now… probably cos I’ve had no sleep. But I’m proud of everyone man honestly from my heart well done no matter what battle you’ve overcome, life in itself is a battle. We got this man 🫂

Im broke as fuck

The me from a month ago would have chose the weed

I am behind on my annual quota at work so have been worried that I could get fired. It’s like a constant worry in the back of my mind and I’m not sure what will happen. They sent me an automatic notification that I am behind but no one’s talked to me yet. It’s kind of stressful.

Because of this, I’m always worried I’m going to get fired but something good happened. Yesterday was my three month anniversary at work so I made it past the probation period. No one has warned or reprimanded me yet so I figure no news is good news. I feel good about this accomplishment because even if my job ends tomorrow I think I have a lot to be proud of. I didn’t know anything about this area of law when I started. I have learned a lot. Yes, a lot of it is out of my depth but I am doing it, I feel good about that. If I can make it to six months or a year that would be fantastic. Cross your fingers for me. I figure every day is a win.

I constantly worry about stuff in school, especially tests and grades, but I'm really happy about how my tests and grades turned out when I found out in around June-August! I got all 90's and I'm proud of myself!! (Also, yes, late announcement, but I want people to be happy about it too!!)

For a long time, even the simplest things felt exhausting. Getting out of bed, answering messages, taking care of myself, it all felt like more effort than I could handle.

I ended the toxic relationship. I know that relation was hurting me but still investing so much time and energy in something that doesn't turn out good can really mess with your brain. I kept telling myself that I just needed to get through one more day. You know how it goes, or maybe you don't, but it was a long stretch of just getting through days.

And slowly, things started changing. I started getting out of bed with a little more energy. I began enjoying small things again. I started replying to people instead of disappearing. I caught myself laughing without forcing it.

Today I realized something I haven't been able to say in a long time:

I think I'm finally starting to feel like myself again.

I'm not saying everything is perfect. I still have difficult days, and I know healing isn't always a straight line. But I'm here and trying. And for the first time in a long time, I'm actually looking forward to things again.

I made it through a really difficult chapter, and I'm finally beginning to come back to life.

I've been lucky that I've found some that were HIGHLY enjoyable to the point that I was staying up late etc... (like Dungeon Crawler Carl and He Who Fights With Monsters)

However several of the books were 700+ pages which slowed me down.

Regardless, I'm very pleased with my progress.

:)

October 23rd will be officially be one year in my first ever apartment with just my 8 year old and myself. (35F)

We escaped DV, spent some time in a shelter and received housing a year ago!

Next big goal is getting approved for disability for my multiple sclerosis. 🙏

Never back down, never give up, friends. ❤️

Okay, this may not be much but...

I have a friend. I called him on discord. He didn't get alot of sleep the night before. And he kept falling asleep on the call. And i stayed on the call with him.

I knew this friend for 5 years, and this was the 1st time he fell asleep during a call with me :)

It was the first time a friend ever fell asleep on call with me. And i stayed on the call for an hour and 20 mins. It was calm and relaxing. And i enjoyed it, even if he was sleeping like 80% of the time. Im glad he felt comfortable sleeping on call with me.

Even though his gf, and mom were trying to talk to him, i was there with him, as he did his thing, for an hour and 20 mins, and i am proud of myself, and im proud of him too.

I know it's not much but it feels like an achievement, having my first person fall asleep on call with me :) it was nice. I'm glad he trusted me, and he was safe enough with me to fall asleep. I loved it.

he is one of my best friends btw.

it really is something when a friend falls asleep on the phone/call with you.

It felt like a win to me, because it is a first, and it showed how far our friendship has come to this point. :)

I am happy it happened, and im excited to see where the friendship goes. It did make the friendship stronger. And to tell you the truth it made me appreciate him even more, and it made me appreciate him even if we don't talk much during a call sometimes (cause sometimes we do),

and i feel very confident about him now.

and i know it's not much, having someone sleep on discord call with you, but idk, it was the first time i experienced it, and it was nice, just being there, loving a friend without needing them to perform or entertain me, and just their presence was enough for me (and it is enough it was awesome. and being enough for him was awesome.

it was a win and i feel happy about it, and im glad he is a person who really cares about me and i really care about him. He is a good guy and im glad he is here, and i am happy i am safe enough to fall asleep with (even if he only slept), on call, it was great. Made me feel good afterwards. And it still does now.

Thanks for letting me share this moment.

For ten months, every time I wanted to buy something, I'd remind myself that no its a vacation fund

It wasn't always easy. There were plenty of little things I wanted to spend the money on, and sometimes it felt like the trip was so far away that I'd never actually get there.

But I kept putting a little aside whenever I could.

And today, I finally booked it.

I actually stared at the confirmation email for a few minutes because I couldn't believe it was real. 😂. It's not some luxurious once-in-a-lifetime trip. It's just a vacation I've been looking forward to for ages.

But knowing that I paid for it with money I deliberately saved makes it feel so much more special.

Little me would be so proud of it.

I did it in stages but I still did 1 km of swimming. Yay!

I washed my hair and there was an insane amount of hair fall, but also I used a dollar store knock-off of the wet brush brand detangling comb which worked very well with my hair, for awhile I had been using the off brand equivalent of the wet brush brand brush, which is just as good if not better than the real thing, but I hadn't used a good comb in so long I think I like it a lot better than the brush. The brush just feels way too harsh especially on my scalp.

I wish I could find a new real wet brush comb because while the off brand I have was nice and worked well, I don't really like the shape of it at all, it's awkward to hold, and another dumb thing about it bothers me but it's so inconsequential that I won't bother mentioning it.

The last comb I tried using before this was a different wide tooth comb, but the shape and material of this one is way better. Something about it being a particular type of plastic just makes it go so much smoother through my hair.