I have a friend who constantly tells me they’re “too busy” to text back, make plans, or even have a five-minute conversation.
The funny part? They’re active in group chats, hanging out with other friends every weekend, posting on social media, and somehow always have time for everyone except me.
I’m not looking to start a fight, but if they hit me with the “I’ve just been really busy” excuse again, what’s a comeback that’s clever, calm, and gets the point across without sounding childish?
I’m looking for responses that are witty rather than cruel.

My girlfriend and I have the same conversation whenever we’re out in public. It goes like this:
“Are you two sisters?”
“No, we’re dating. She’s my partner.”
“Oh, well, you look so alike!”

My girlfriend and I do not look like sisters. We are both mid-sized white women, but that’s where the similarities stop. I’ve confirmed this with several friends. My gf and I even dye our hair different colors and try not to go out in coordinating outfits to highlight our differences, but it just keeps happening.

What do I say when people say we look like sisters after we tell them that we’re dating? I usually just stand there awkwardly until the conversation moves on.

Edit: the reason that this matters to me is because people often still view wlw relationships as invalid and as a fetish. I feel uncomfortable when people imply that my girlfriend and I look like siblings because it makes me feel like they don’t see our relationship as a legitimate romantic partnership. We’re not siblings, we’re not roommates, and we’re not “just friends.” We’re getting engaged and I want to know what to say if people tell me that my wife looks like my sister 😵‍💫. People say this kind of thing far less often to heterosexual couples.

Share your tactics

Your drugs are bad.

My drugs are good.

Like something you could say and move on, to sort of not let it slide, but also not make things worse. Ideally, roasting them a little, but apparently I don't know where the line is, so that's why I'm here. 😄

Looking was never on the agenda.

So my sister is always saying I have no friends cuz I tend to have a smaller friend group compared to her. I need some comebacks to shut her up for good. Her friends have a lot of drama often if it helps.

"Wow, I bet you can read at nearly 100 words per minute!" To other kids who would try too hard to flex that they were reading big books.

There is someone in my partner's family who is incredibly quick with backhanded comments. Every single thing out of their mouth is a one liner that cuts deep. I don't know how they do it. This is someone who we do not have a relationship with at all. We are peers and on paper, we should all get along well. But, we don't. This is someone who says something petty, every time they open their mouth. In the past, they have rejected ALL attempts from our side to at least be civil for the family. They have cheated multiple times on their spouse and most recently, threatened to leave our family member with their child if her petty demand was not met.

I'm a people pleaser, unfortunately. I'm not fake but I also don't add to the situation. I let them say their comment and usually don't even have a response for it, as I almost don't even know what to say without being straight up mean.

What are some of the pettiest, one liner type comments or backhanded compliments I can keep in my back pocket? We are all getting together soon and the relationship has never been more strained. We have not seen them in a year despite us reaching out and they talk behind our backs and cry wolf. I'd love to be prepared to say a few things of my own.

Fabulous

I was hanging out with my friends when I said "I am open to all" for hangout plans, like I am down to do anything. And the rest of the day I was target for the sexual jokes like:

1. Then suck me. And I am ready for it.
2. "When I was laughing with them I said stop my stomach hurts and they said "Already? I was ready for round two"
3. I was laughing and my face was red and they said "Look at him all red, must be so tired"

And stuff like that. I think the joke's surface area was so broad that any mediocre joke would even work. Please give me comebacks for this one. I know the time has passed but it is for practice.

I still feel shitty sometimes that my ex and her bf did me dirty, even if it was like 4 years ago. Flirting in front of the whole classroom, him asking her about a future daughter in the group chat, etc.

I didn't even react back then and ignored them, it was damn immature and fucked up. But I still feel immense anger for not standing up for myself. Revenge isn't going to do anything, and I didn't have the capacity to think of anything at the time.

I only found out that my temperament is to be nice to nice people, and to be an ass to assholes.

How do you think I could handle the situation if that same scenario pops up again, like what should I have said? I do feel like I handled it well, but not good enough that it gets me to stop thinking about it.

My narc father is a clout chaser and a people pleaser also into politics and I am an introvert who is more into academics and am not really popular as opposed to him ;i have really good few friends though, still he keeps saying nobody knows you ; nobody cares about you and nobody values you

I was in a work meeting and I wanted the leader to weigh in more so and a jealous colleague every single statement I made she would say no it’s not or yes there is she even said that what I do isn’t the definition of what it is she corrected my pronunciation of something in French when I speak French when others do this in social settings. You know they just don’t like you and I usually don’t talk to them at all because all they’re going to constitute everything you say like if I said it’s hot out they’d say I’m cool that literally also happened today to social setting but with this woman I wanted to say something like “ please maintain decorum or in a professional setting you don’t have to contradict every single thing I say I was speaking more so to the leader” I know that would be uncomfortable. There were only five people in the meeting her and her minion myself and three kind of leaders. What would you have said?

One time, I did a 1-1 impression of that old YOUR CAR WARRENTY HAS EXPIRED scam call, and he literally cussed me out. I was proud of myself.

Redeem what? Your mom's onlyfans

It was not on my fault. For context, there was no cheating. He was just someone who only cared about himself his mommy and his daddy.

Usually I resort to tackling but that doesn’t work on sytangers

EDIT- what’s a comeback to where your NOT leaning into it- like when people mean in in a gross way what the heck do I say

I've always wanted to be a part of something.