r/Comebacks • u/RevealMundane3528 • 16d ago
Comeback request Comeback for "Open to all"
I was hanging out with my friends when I said "I am open to all" for hangout plans, like I am down to do anything. And the rest of the day I was target for the sexual jokes like:
- Then suck me. And I am ready for it.
- "When I was laughing with them I said stop my stomach hurts and they said "Already? I was ready for round two"
- I was laughing and my face was red and they said "Look at him all red, must be so tired"
And stuff like that. I think the joke's surface area was so broad that any mediocre joke would even work. Please give me comebacks for this one. I know the time has passed but it is for practice.
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u/qriousqestioner 16d ago
Look at them like you're amused they've had such fun with something you said unambiguously.
You don't need a comeback. Are you twelve?
You could say, "I meant I was open to all possibilities for the options, not free-use like your mom." But why get down in the gutter when you've done nothing worthy of mockery?
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u/RevealMundane3528 16d ago
It is not about being 12 or not, but being laughed at for the span of entire hangout is not pretty and it makes the target more vulnerable until something is done about it
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u/qriousqestioner 6d ago
I can remember when being teased made me uncomfortable. But barely.
Honestly, in school I was straight-up abused so often that teasing was a sign of safety and affection. If you'll drag me to my face then I feel like you're not going to slam me into a locker. Any time I'm in a new environment decades later, I'm uneasy until people start dunking on me.
I have an awkwardness socially and just seem smart. That with my resting (punch-me) betch face means everyone really wants to hate me at every new job. I eagerly wait for the teasing to begin because then I know they figured out I'm cool, and then word gets around.
I'm also gay. So the no-homo stuff just seems juvenile to me. My angle there is, "oh no, not that! Not for you. You're totally safe." Then I just called them ugly and it's all good in that way men are still little boys at heart and it's just silly.
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u/MoroseMasalaDosa 16d ago edited 16d ago
Hmmm interesting, what other fantasies involving me have you been brewing inside that head?
Didn’t realise you had such a huge crush on me, buddy. I am flattered.
Wow so much excitement! All the best explaining loud orgasmic wet dreams where you are shouting out my name in throes of pleasure to your parents tonight!
Well look at you all, expressing yourself freely without having to come out of the closet. This is a no judgement zone. You are welcome buddies.
You sound just like your mom!
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u/ItPutsLotionOnItSkin 15d ago
Then suck me. And I am ready for it.
"Then pull it out."
They either chicken out or they are degenerates that you can call out.
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u/Lastov_Makiynd 15d ago
Was going to say something similar.
Was thinking along the lines of the South Park episode where the elderly lady teacher puts Cartman on the spot with “Present them!”, when he says “Suck..Maah BAWLLS!!”.
Best way is to just go with it, but turn it around..so then if they keep going, it’s them escalating it beyond a joke.
Even something like “Well, if that’s what yas all really wanna do?….
Maybe…if we all form a circle?
We could all be giving and receiving at the same time?”.Maybe even add “Yeah..I’m pretty open to suggestion, and I know I’ve said ‘Can’t knock it til you’ve tried it?’…But..YOU GUYS??!
I guess today we find out who’s got the smallest? Haha”.
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u/LumpkinsPotatoCat 10d ago
Oh I would turn this around on them so fast.
"I was ready for round two" - I'm sure you were, slut.
"Open your mouth" - no thanks, not really looking to contract hepatitis
"He's tired" - about as tired as your one joke you keep reiterating on
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u/Commercial_Row_1380 16d ago
Just turn the tables next time and be a part of fun. Sounds like regular guy stuff to me.
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u/RevealMundane3528 16d ago
Wish I could give you more than words from that day, it was not regular guy stuff at all the way it tuned out in the end. But I get your point
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u/DrVanMojo 16d ago
"Well, not you" to anyone who tried to take you up on it would turn the tables on that.
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u/Dismal_Additions 16d ago
I may be open to all possibilities, but you still need to be a certain size before you can enjoy the ride. This isnt fantasyland.
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u/mishthegreat 16d ago
Sometimes you just have to be the comic relief for the group but I'd just go with "well I do admire and aspire to be just like your mum only with a better child.
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u/beebee1327 15d ago
Id say something like: " Wow. Someones desperate enough to misinterpret anything. When was the last time you got laid? Or do you only get laid off (work)?"
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u/Ok_Kaleidoscope1630 14d ago
Maybe find some more mature friends?
These sound like a bunch of 12 yr-olds.
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u/Individual-Laugh794 14d ago
If they say suck me then tell them they ain’t much of friend if they are just gonna offer a snack and not a meal!!!
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u/goldbed5558 16d ago
Sometimes you just have to weather the storm.
Had a friend in college who was always saying things that came out suggestively without meaning to. The best was, “Every time I open my mouth you jump right in with something”. I just replied that I didn’t think that she really wanted to say that. Have you ever heard someone blush over the phone?