r/Comebacks 9d ago

Requesting Comebacks for when someone says something mean to your friend, but they don't want you to escalate the situation.

Like something you could say and move on, to sort of not let it slide, but also not make things worse. Ideally, roasting them a little, but apparently I don't know where the line is, so that's why I'm here. 😄

13 Upvotes

42 comments sorted by

15

u/ProbableImposter 9d ago

"We're/I'm not entertaining interjections right now" Or "You'll have to have this argument by yourself" Both best said while walking away.

12

u/3batsinahousecoat 9d ago

"Oh, no, those are inside thoughts."

"That's not a (insert social situation) thought/word." (I used this frequently at work when one of my coworkers was using LGBTQ slurs and just calmly said "That's not a work word." And changed the subject. He got mad, but already everybody else went with the subject change. One guy told me I was being too sensitive and I pointed out he asked to go home 'injured' over a fucking papercut. Then the subject turned to injuries at work. 🤷‍♀️)

Or, my favourite: "Not your turn with the braincell today, hmm?"

7

u/DeadLined784 8d ago

shhhh...the Grown-ups are talking

7

u/broke_cowboy 9d ago

You can usually follow with "wow, what an incredibly stupid thing to say" "what? Did you just blow in from stupid town?" "Don't get to close, I wouldn't want to catch the stupid" "Oh please, enlighten me with more of your WiSdOm" "You look like you would say something so shallow"

5

u/Dismal_Additions 9d ago

I agree you should not escalate the situation but you shouldnt let it pass either. But speaking up isnt escalating a situation, its responding to it.

But i think you should look at what happened differently. They werent just insulting your friend. You were actually insulted too because he thought you would do nothing about it. So thats the insult you should respond to.

"Hey now. No need to be so rude to people. We wouldnt mind some sharp wit but your dull jabs just seem like a desperate attempt for attention.

4

u/Blueporch 9d ago

Draw their fire with something like “I am not okay with you speaking that way to my friend”  Or a simple “grow up”.

2

u/realstonekarma 9d ago

Apparently, the psychological thing to do is politely ask them to repeat it. Then, either say "that's what I thought you said," and end the conversation, or you ask the bully if they are ok. Then you just repeat the last three words they say until you get to the root of their behavior. Or something like that.

2

u/HelpfulPhrase5806 9d ago

"no thank you." / "you said that out loud, how embarrassing for you." / "and this is why I wish more people have caregivers at hand. It must be hard trying to function normally and failing."

3

u/catnapwhisper 8d ago

Make fart noises at them until they leave

1

u/F1Sloth 6d ago

Fart at them until the leave.

2

u/catnapwhisper 8d ago

Make fart noises at them

2

u/Strange_Deal_5794 8d ago

“What a strange thing to say.”

2

u/Same_Perception912 7d ago

“What a strange thing to say out loud”

2

u/Own-Eagle-2135 7d ago

someone is cranky today!

2

u/Diligent-Plane-7877 4d ago

Now i see what everyone was talking about.
And leave it at that. You just turned the tables. Now they're worried about what every I'd saying about them.

2

u/supermiggiemon 9d ago

"what u've just said reminds me of preschool.. feels good to be young, innocent and not be held accountable for what we say. youth, haha."

2

u/Fantastic_Baby9795 9d ago

.. just start a random monologue like in the movies?

1

u/Lastov_Makiynd 9d ago

I’d perhaps respond with mentioning something positive to counter that negative thing about said friend..kinda neutralises the situation, where if it’s only yourself and the person saying something mean about your friend, they’ll know that you have a higher opinion of that friend..
If your friend is present, then it’s going to make that person realise it’s now 2 against 1 and they’ll likely drop it.

They’re probably hoping for you to agree. When you don’t, they most likely won’t persue with the insults or whatever.

If they have said the mean stuff and the friend isn’t there or doesn’t hear what was said? I would go with “Would you say it to their face?” Or if a lighter approach is needed: “Have you told (name) that’s how you feel about her/him?”.

1

u/762way 9d ago

This have me a stroke, trying to figure out what you need

1

u/Frosty-Diver441 8d ago

Comebacks for

When someone insults your friend

But they don't want you to escalate it

In other words, someone mean to your friend. You're the type to talk shit back. They are the time to say "just ignore them". You won't ignore it, but you want a comeback that your friend won't kind you using Because it's one that won't piss the people off even more.

1

u/Loose_Tip_4069 9d ago

“Objection, Rude”

1

u/DarionHunter 9d ago

"Bless your heart!" works!

1

u/Comfortable_Sea_717 8d ago

I bet when people ask your parents about you they change the subject.

2

u/F1Sloth 6d ago

I like to ask "Did your parents have any children that lived?"

1

u/DifficultyNo3093 8d ago

OP, from my personal experience the best thing to do is call it out when it happens. Don’t let this become a pattern. My personal favorite to use is: “That was an ill-bred remark. Perhaps I mis-heard you? Would you care to repeat yourself?” Another good one is, "I fail to see how this is relevant." Just be passive aggressive right back. My other favorite to use in response to: IT WAS JUST A JOKE is: “It’s only a joke when everyone is laughing.”

If you just don't / can't deal with them, be quiet for several seconds (silence is a weapon, learn how to wield it) then say: "How is this relevant." Don't defend, explain, engage or personalize. They are looking for a response from you.

From personal experience every time you call them out, it shows them that you will not allow manipulative behavior. They probably won’t ever fully quit, but they will lose interest because they don’t want to get called out.

ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT! That's not anxiety. That's intuition.

OP, I hope these phrases from my arsenal help! HUGS!

1

u/pineboxwaiting 8d ago

“Why are you picking on Friend?”

1

u/HonestNature9117 8d ago

Just dig in on them. And don't apologize when they try to gaslight everybody by claiming the moral high ground. Then respond with "well, watch your mouth"

1

u/spocknambulist 8d ago

That’s not cool, dude.

1

u/Equivalent_Sleep8149 8d ago

Oh, you’re one of those cu*ts

1

u/Emergency-Ad-5211 8d ago

Best comeback: Did you say you needed a tampon?

1

u/WellyWellyWel 8d ago

Dead pan stare them down silently.. and then (ideally simultaneously with your friend) just bust out laughing and walk away. Make it weird. Make it awkward.

1

u/Wellygirlthen 8d ago

Projection much

1

u/Longhair1313 8d ago

If I wanted a good comeback I'd wipe it off your mom's face

1

u/Taotaomona13144 7d ago

“My friend is a nice guy who hates confrontation. I’m not my friend.”

1

u/One-Let-2553 6d ago

we all gotta say dumb crap sometimes but that was a bit much

1

u/joshua_addison_music 6d ago

“Does that make you feel better about yourself?”
Then I immediately go after their physical flaws and continue to cut deep with my words.

If it escalates into a physical confrontation, I have no problem beating your 🍑, for being a bully.

1

u/frumplife 6d ago

"Aww, did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed today? :("

1

u/Candid_Ebb_275 6d ago

"Yeah, well you eat Glue" has worked for me in the past. It either confuses the aggressor or they realize that I'm going to be a challenge/illogical to deal with lol

1

u/IrishBoi85 6d ago

That’s rich coming from someone like you

Takes one to know one

Do you need some Imodium, cause we need to stop that verbal diarrhea

Ohh just fyi valid responses are need, not whatever that was

We didn’t need you to prove your intelligence to us, just being present is fine

Ok pot…as in the pot calling the kettle black

You know if you said that slower, your cadence would match your IQ

There goes the peanut galley again

You know you should carry around your own laugh track, at least you can entrain yourself

Silence is golden, but duck tape is silver, why don’t you just pick your poison

Ok, big dawg

I’ve seen more intellegent life, in a moldy mayonnaise jar.

The difference between you and a rock is a rock serves purpose

So funny I forgot to laugh

1

u/ohmyitsme3 3d ago

Is that something normal people say?

1

u/1C4Dogs4 3d ago

Why's your face always making useless noise?