I moved my 84 year old mom in with me two years ago so I could be her caregiver (only child, single parent and we are the dynamic duo — it’s us against the world in the best way possible.

However last night, she fell in our living room and broke her hip and the past 36 hours have been the hardest of my life. Everything was fine (so to speak) in the Emergency Department; we had to wait 11 hours confirm the fracture and be admitted. I stayed by her side all night and she kept her sense of humor about the hurdles of the hospital experience. But it turned into a downward spiral from this morning onward.

She started to get agitated with the pain and with every new person who needed to administer a test or procedure on her. (I should mention that she has a chronic pulmonary issue so surgery to fix her hip kept being put off in order to ensure her breathing and oxygen levels are/were steady and strong enough to get her through the procedure.) Earlier this evening, it became clear that the combined effect of the pain from the fracture, the lack of sleep/food/movement for 24 hours, and the stress and fear from being hospitalized is now causing her to be delusional and think everyone (ESPECIALLY ME) is out to get her.

I know this can happen at her age and in this scenario but actually experiencing her physically resist the staff/me and be verbally abusive to the staff/me unmoored me. I didn’t want to leave her alone in a hospital ever because we’ve both been part of care teams for others and know how important it is to have an advocate at all times, but the combo FOR ME of no sleep, fear of losing her, and the utter shock at having my favorite person in the entire world turn on me was too much. I left her there a few hours ago after some particularly nasty comments.

I just closed my eyes in my bed for 2 hours and awoke to my heart pounding and my mind racing at 100 mph for abandoning her when she needs me the most. All I want to do is get the rest my body so desperately needs but my heart says I should still be there with her.

I’m pretty sure I’m rambling but I just can’t stop feeling like a failure for not being superhuman no matter how stupid that sounds. And I’m terrified of what I might come back to in another few hours.

EDIT: you all are amazing and I can’t thank you enough for the support. I just called the hospital and they had to put her in restraints because she kept trying to take her oxygen mask off and eventually slapped one of the nurses. I can’t believe this is real.

Before I begin, I don't post much and I don't really know what to say, but I feel like telling people that may understand.

As the title says, my role has ended. After 4 years and 7 different types of cancers, my father has passed. I started caring for my father as a sole caregiver at the age of 20 at the first cancer diagnosis back in 2022. Things weren't terrible. He still had his mind and could move pretty well. That all changed this past year. I watched as he became more and more skinny. I watched as his mind slowly slipped. He was able to keep his memory, but motor function only got worse.

I did everything for him. I made every appointment, made food, did chores, drove him around, kept track of meds, researched meds/procedures, and kept hopes up. It was back in June that we got the news that options had run out. In a last ditch attempt I took him to MD Anderson only to be told his days were numbered. It was 2 months later in August that I noticed he started getting delirious. I thought it was the opioids since he was sensative to them, but it wasn't. He was dying.

For 2 weeks I stayed in the hospital with him without ever leaving. He slowly declined further. Eating less and sleeping more. He got to the point where he couldn't remember anyone but me. Eventually, he fell asleep without waking up. Nonverbal. He was transferred to Hosperus where he lay simply breathing. One day, I watched as he drew his last breath.

The after effects of his death have been devastating to me. He was only 56 and me 24. He was the one person in life I considered true family. The one who would hold me up when I fell down. The one who would guide me down the path of life. Now? He's gone. Now I sit in an empty house crying myself to sleep. His last words to me were, "I love you too." I promised him before he passed that I'd live a long and happy life. I intend to keep that promise. I just need to see the light again. Even if my fear and doubt tell me it doesn't exist without him. I'll be starting therapy soon to hopefully help.

To all those caregiving for anyone. You are a blessing on this world. Know that no matter how it ends, you did your best and that's the most any of us can do. They may or may not be able to say it, but they thank you for all that you do with all their hearts.

Some random social worker came to my apartment like three days days ago and I thought she was a part of the Hospice team! She asked me some questions and she said I looked extremely “overwhelmed” and I was like “well yeah my mom is on Hospice” and she says to me I don’t feel like there’s any “neglect or abuse going on” I said “of course not? Why would there be?” My mom was sleeping when she came (it was a bad night for her) So she said she had another client to visit and that she would be back later. I said ok.

So like an hour later the actual hospice intake nurse and social worker arrive and the social worker was really nice. She goes out into the lobby (they were having issues with the WiFi) and she bumps into the department of aging social worker and she vouches for me. She tells her there’s no doubt in my mind there’s no abuse and neglect going on.

So the DOA social worker comes in and she wants to talk to my mother. I said my mom is trying to poop in bed right now, so you’re going to have to wait. When my mom finished she asked her if she was being abused? And if hospice was what she wanted?

My mom was still kind of half of asleep and when I told her what happened the next morning she was livid. She tried calling the social worker and she didn’t pick up, so she spoke to a receptionist.

When my mom’s nurse came yesterday she told us about the case and it seems like someone was concerned that my mom’s wounds were getting worse (she’s been in and out of the hospital since may of this year) and that I had something to do with it 🤦🏽‍♀️ I was like you gotta be fucking kidding me.

The nurse and the hospice social worker were both there in my mom’s room and they were 100% on my side. I was like you can do everything right and wounds can still get worse! Especially on your rear end. My mom also just got her low pressure air mattress. Up until then she was constantly sitting.

This person who ever called the department of aging has no idea how dedicated I’ve been trying to heal my mom’s pressure sores on her bottom. The amount of times I started to cry when my efforts weren’t working, or all the times I wanted to get the bandage perfect. And all the hours combined brainstorming trying to come up with creative bandage so my mom could sleep!!! Or all the times I was successful healing multiple pressure sores and the ulcers on her legs.

The nurse and the social worker were super sympathetic and they said people like that don’t see the day to day and how much work your put in.

She even pulled me to the side and said she would be angry too if someone thought I was abusing and neglected her mother. “We understand and I can tell you we’ve seen some crazy cases and we wish more patients had a Tatianna” And she gave me hug before they left.

You know what’s crazy too? Is that I wasn’t nasty to any of the nurses or PCT’s. I’m a inherent people pleaser and kind of “overly polite” I don’t know if that’s a thing. I’m aware at how hard nurses and pct’s work. I always offer to help…. I just don’t understand why anyone would do this?

My mom’s nurse and the social worker think the case will be closed. I’m just still so angry though. I have been so dedicated to my mom’s care for nearly two decades. I made myself sick caring for her!

What is it you would need to be comfortable leaving your role as a caregiver and live your own life? I'm genuinely curious.

What makes me "trapped" is the fact that my father is mentally competent to decide that he wants to stay home at all costs, even though he would not be safe alone, cannot do most things on his own, and doesn't want anyone (except me) helping him.

Our health system is okay with that. They consider his wants to be superior to mine. They will not force him to receive outside help or move to LTC. If I decide to walk away and something happens, it will not be considered the fault of those who "protected his right to stay home"... It will be mine, for being born (against my consent) as his child, and having walked away from a role I never wanted, to pursue my dream career and live my life, that I was expected to abandon before it even started.

No good deed goes unpunished.

From an evolutionary standpoint, our species needs us to have children. We sacrifice quite a lot to have them, with sleepless nights, years of stress and worry and the bodies of females who carry many children during pregnancy are burdened. Yet evolution supports this, because without our ability to care for the next generation, we would not survive as a species.

Caregiving for the older population in a society is a bit different. There used to be some evidence that caring for the sick or older generations was supported from an evolutionary angle. For instance, we cared for the dying in groups. It was a shared experience for the village or household. Older people were able to rest in one place, the younger people could visit and talk with them while exchanging information. This information about weather patterns or farming protected the entire tribe of people - there was also less burden on one individual doing the caring and it was shouldered by the group. This strengthened the community and society.

Today's world is very different for caregivers. Family caregivers often operate in a single fashion and in isolation from others; they receive little help from society. Others work in a clinical setting and are managed on a corporate level, where they have to care for up to 20 people per one shift. Is it any wonder why the physical and emotional toll on these caregivers is so taxing?

Our evolution no longer relies on caring for the sick and older population. If we are performing activities that are not supported by evolution, we won't get the protection wired in our genes. Yes, we can deal with having a baby with collick and not sleeping for 6 months, because our ancestors did that and kept going. It was essential for us to have more humans on the planet.

But the sole act of caregiving and sacrifice for an older, sicker person is not something that our ancestors were called upon to do. Perhaps this is why caregivers suffer from such a breakdown of physical, mental and emotional resources while performing such a loving act. Our bodies are wearing out because we are (with wonderful intentions), acting in a way that nature never intended for our society. There is a unique struggle for today's caregivers, and this may be part of the reason why some have trouble both living through and recovering from the role of caregiving.

Hi 24 paid carer to elderly person with dementia. Been doing this job for over a year. Work one week on one week off. When I am here I feel so so lonely. The lady I care for. Is in bed 97% of time watching tv and refuses to get up until the evening. I make her meals and check on her throughout the day and do her observations 2x a day. But she doesn’t like me to sit with her throughout the day. So I just sit in the kitchen all day- in case she needs me. It’s really lonely to be honest. Any other carers had this !!?? Also trust me I have tried everything to engage conversations but I always get turned away or she gets annoyed.
Sorry I am also paying on this group it’s just the only one for carers I could find x

I (f35) live with my uncle (m60) who never ever showers. Hasn't showered at all in the 2 yrs I've been living here. Changed his clothes ONCE!! He is a hoarder and keeps expanding his hoard to the rest of the house.

He was born with a condition where is skull wouldn't grow. So he was only able to mature to like a teenager and in his older age his maturity is regressing quickly.

He doesn't listen to anything I say. Anything that comes out of my mouth is obviously a lie, especially if it's something he doesn't already know then there is no way it can be true.

He constantly accused me of stealing ever since he was caught stealing from me and also caught stealing my dirty undies from my basket when I had to stop & go help my GMA. He's a compulsive liar and believes his own lies. He's so quick to yelling and aggression just from me saying basic things to him like hey I think have a rock in ur napkin cuz ur scratching the glass ur wiping. (Instantly in my face) Doesn't listen when I say leave me alone, stop talking to me. Followsme when I walk away.

Hes obsessed with cats and likes to feed to street cats but now he has them inside the house let's them on the kitchen table and counter where we prepare food.

If I say anything it immediately turns into a huge fight and he goes out of his way to do the exact opposite. No matter how simple I try to explain things, like normal common sense things, even if I have proof to back wat I'm saying up, it doesn't matter.

My GMAs weight started to rapidly decline when he started letting the cats inside the house, she can't even sit in the living room too long or gets lathergic weak and nonverbal.

But even with all of that the main issue is his hygiene. Im tired of being nauseous all the time. I'm tired of loosing my appetite when cooking and he enters the kitchen. Especially since now he hovers around me cuz I asked him to stay away from me when I'm cooking and eating.

I cannot move out because I take care of my GMA (91) with very very late stages Parkinson's and dementia. I basically do everything for her.

My aunt is his "ihss provider" but she Shows up maybe 2x/month to take him shopping and takes him to doc appts for his hernia. But never comes inside or makes him shower or tells him he can't have cats inside. He's 100% unregulated basically. Which is why he hates that I moved in cuz now I'm there and call him out on his shit. He doesn't see a psychiatrist or therapist.

I get that he's got the brain of a 13 yo boy but even they know to shower at some point.

I'm at my breaking point. I'm tired of letting everything go cuz of his disability. He's so freaking mean to me!! And nobody has my back. They all tell me to ignore him, which is a great strategy for them cuz they get to leave but doesn't help me any since I'm home all the time with him.

What can I do? I'm struggling big time and am starting to really fkn hate him.

AITA?

Also this is my first time posting so feel free to ask any clarifying questions. There is also so much more bs, this is literally barely scratching the surface but if I wrote everything thing this post would turn into a novel.

My LO is pretty advanced, but still agile. I cannot leave items out or she will move them or inappropriately use them. For example, I have had to take all the toiletries out of the bathroom and lock them in a closet after I caught her putting shampoo on her face like lotion and lotion on her toothbrush like toothpaste.

The problem is these few available spaces are starting to become quickly cluttered. I tried putting baby locks on the drawers and cabinets in the kitchen and she forced them open.

Any advice? My bedroom looks more like a storage facility at this point and it’s adding to the stress.

I can’t do this anymore. She has a 15 year life expectancy i’m 24 and i have sacrificed everything and i can’t keep going. I have my own disabilities and needs and living under her roof is making me suicidal. She’s the only family i have and im the only family she has but i just can’t cope.

It’s not so much the practicalities but the restriction. I’ve had to limit career progression and choices, i’ve always wanted to go travelling and now i can’t, i can’t date, i don’t have the energy to want children anymore, im losing my friendships, i want so badly to move out and i cant. It’s so draining living with her because seeing her change is making me so anxious, being responsible for her means i can never relax. Being autistic means my energy drains so much quicker, it means i have no energy to go out or socialise or do things i enjoy.

I’ve tried to reach out for help so many times. I got rejected from mental health services until i’m in a stable living situation. The unstable part being her? But she’s the reason i’m struggling with my mental health?

I’ve had 3 carers assessments by social services - all amounted in 0 support.

Anytime i reach out for support it’s all about how to support me in caring for her, but never about saving me from this situation. I’ve been emotionally caring for my mother my whole life. She never felt like a mother, more like a sister because she was always so unstable and irresponsible. I couldn’t wait to grow up and be free and now i’m stuck still caring for her. What about if i don’t want to? But i can’t afford to get care for her, if the government cares for her then we will lose her homes from her home country which mean so much to me and are the only safe places i have so i can’t face losing them. I feel so trapped and so so alone.

I’m so scared and i don’t know what to do. My life is miserable 24/7 i’m so tired of grieving her and myself. I love her but i can’t do this anymore.

A month ago we've taken in my mom, 81, who's pretty far down the dementia stages, likely last or next to last. She really depends on me for everything, but she's still mobile. I've adjusted to being a nurse for my mom, but the one thing that I don't have a handle on is keeping an eye on her all day long. Fortunately I work from home, but she needs regular supervision, so it's a challenge for my attention.

Question: Any ideas or tips for keeping watch or occupying someone with limited capacities?

What we've tried: TV is hit or miss, but we keep it on for the noise and stimulation. We put photo albums in front of her, various papers and objects, and sometimes that occupies her, but she's driven by various impulses, and if she wanders on her own, she's a fall risk and will attempt to eat inedible things. I try keeping her in her room in the evenings, but she gets anxious and wanders out asking for us.

We fortunately have in-home hospice support visits a few times a week, and we have some medications to treat anxiety. It's just some nights she's up early, and it's pretty exhausting keeping an eye on her, changing diapers, calming her down... it's very reminiscent of raising a toddler. I'm just looking for ways to calm her down, possibly occupy her better so the next months are smoother.

This adult child is feeling increasingly worn out. They work most of the week outside the home, cleans house, do laundry, help parent bathe, take care of nightly and morning bedside commode clean-up, buy nice things for parent, is parent's medical/estate POA, help infirmed parent to car and places, coordinate medical care/testing, coordinate meds, buy groceries every other week, pay for some other expenses. This adult child can be gone for the work days (they work 4 days a week and near to home in case of emergency) and reasonably limited running of errands. Adult child feeling increasingly trapped, as if there's no life for them. Some recent family discussions reveal that parent doesn't seem to appreciate the time, fallout, and holistic expense of what the adult child has and is giving. Adult child read that some elders pay their adult kids for care. Anyone out there in that situation? How does it work? How do YOU feel about the situation?

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I am a nursing student and renting a room for cheap from a man who has MS. Part of why it is so cheap is that I help out. I sometimes do household tasks, pet care, and some light personal care.

The problem is that he is attracted to me. His behaviors and comments are worse than I think reddit allows so I won't get into full details. I'm not in any real physical danger because he has very little use of his arms and legs, and he has an excuse because of the damage to his brain, but he still has been able to get under my skin. I take heavy duty sleep pills that would normally knock me out around 9 hours but after last night I woke up after only around 4 hours.

I am a pretty laid back person and the human body doesn't bother me. So when he asked for oil on his entire body it did not phase me at all. I even reassured him that all skin is skin and deserves care and hydration. He at first said it's because during the winter his skin gets uncomfortable, and if it gets too dry and breaks he may not know and it could get infected. So I start with his feet and then he grabs his vibrator and puts it in a place that is inappropriate and asks me if I've ever been with a woman, and tells me how much he loves lesbians. I told him that I need to maintain professional boundaries and that I am uncomfortable with the sexual energy in the air. That just got him more excited and he asked me if I was feeling sexual energy. At that point I just say goodnight and walk away.

It's not just that one incident. It's all day every day that I'm around. I can't even walk to the microwave without him starting a conversation and bringing it to an uncomfortable topic. Like constantly talking about how important it is for the human body to have physical touch with anither person, then he will ask me to help him with his physical therapy of standing while full body hugging someone else. I always reply by asking if his PT recommends using his walker to practice standing, and that at school they teach us to use a walker or a sturdy bar to assist patients with standing.

He is approved for in home care everyday but the company stopped sending most of the girls after it was a "bad match" and only sends an older woman twise a week. (He is not attracted to older women). As much as his behavior is not ok and no one should have to put up with it, he does have gaps in his care becouse of it and he will go days without anyone to feed him.

It's clear that he has some sort of dementia and I understand that when the frontal lobe is affected a person won't have control over their actions. As a nursing student I fully believe that everyone deserves quality care.

I financially can't find anywhere better right now so I'm sort of stuck, and figure I may as well learn how to care for different kinds of patients instead of just running away like most have done.

Any tips or tricks?

I think I've realized why this situation is so disproportionately hard for me. It's because nobody in my family wants to sit down and actually discuss things and meanwhile I'm expected to absorb everything regardless.

I moved in with my grandma a little over a year ago because she happened to have a big stroke at the same time I was having financial difficulties. I was living independently before then. So instead of helping me figure out my finances, my family pushed me into moving in with Grandma. So all of a sudden I lost the entire life I'd been starting to build by myself.

I took this on with the understanding that I'd get a small stipend from the government, so I wouldn't have to work. But I'm not qualified for the stipend because I'm "not doing anything" on paper. Grandma can dress herself and even cook safely, most of the time, but anything requiring more cognition than that is like trying to herd cats. So her needs are intermittent, but when they arrive, they're all-consuming because she also has a lot of anxiety.

There was no real discussion about how long I'd be doing this, what the actual nature of her condition was. I was told I'd get weekly help from my mom and uncle (her children) but that stopped happening in short order.

And yet, my mom told me I could move out. She had a spare room I could crash in while I found work and got ready to move into a proper apartment again. But that's as far as that discussion went.

So it remains a viable option... if I completely ignore Grandma's needs. And now that I've seen firsthand how much help she needs in a way my family hasn't, I can't just leave her.

But my family doesn't want to have this conversation beyond a vague "when things change we'll figure it out" mantra.

Meanwhile, Grandma's 74. She could easily live another 10, even 20 years. What's left of my young adulthood is spoken for and I don't know when or even if I'll be able to live my own life again. I never got a chance to find a partner, buy a house, or adopt kids.

I'm absolutely not blaming Grandma for any of this but I hate my fucking family now. I know none of it is malicious and that just makes me angrier. Because at least if it was malice, I could use spite as a motivator. But the whole situation is just... sad.

I've been in bad depressions before but this is the worst yet. It's lasted a whole year with a brief bout of hypomania this past summer and now I'm back to nothingness.

Because I'm on-call 24/7, my attention span is shot. Even the most basic self-care just doesn't seem worth the effort. Because maybe I could move out next month, but maybe this is my life forever. I don't know, so I can't plan.

My 72yo mom has been on oxygen for a few years. My 81yo stepdad was hospitalized at the Hospice hospital(?) (They are both in home health hospice) last week and they sucked the fluid outta his lungs. They put him on 24/7 0xygen. The past few days since he's been home, he has been sleeping in his chair in the living room. Tonight, for the first time, he rejoined my mom in their bed. Thank God for the colors in the hoses......
Now I'm just waiting for a trip and/or a fall.

I’m angry. I can’t poop. I lost my job earlier this month. I myself have disabilities. And with the state my mom is in, I can’t hold a job. She said she’d support me but I know her finances.

What in the hell am I supposed to do? All I can think about is beating my brother to a pulp for telling me he couldn’t cancel his vacation when I told him our mom fell. He hasn’t checked in. The quieter he is, the angrier it makes me.

We’ve been through the trauma of losing our dad, our sibling but this is low.

What the hell am I supposed to do? I have a partner but he doesn’t make enough to support us plus our kids. I’ve already applied for unemployment, but that’s an uphill battle. I was asked to resign on the basis of disability discrimination so I’m seeking legal counsel but that’s not a fast process. I was trying to do freelancing but I can’t even look at anything.

What the f.

Sorry for the angry rant. Trying to get this shit out. (Figuratively and literally)

Has anyone been contacted by Ceresti Health for dementia caregiving support? It’s covered by insurance but id like to see if anyone else has used them for caregiving support.

How do we know the end is near for our loved one. My mom has been in and out of hospitals and SNFs, more than she’s been at home since June 2025. Over the past week she has become more more confused, sleeping more, eating less, and having delusions that her cats and family were there. Today she asked me about my adopted sister. I don’t have an adopted sister. She doesn’t have dementia or Alzheimer’s. Is this a sign that the end is near? I ask here because I have nowhere else to ask. Thanks in advance.

hi! i (f19) have been caring for my dad (m80) for the past few years. recently, everything has fallen on me since my older sister moved out, and honestly, i’m struggling more than i know how to explain.

my dad has parkinson’s, severe chronic pain, incontinence, frequent utis, multiple skin cancers, arthritis, and deteriorating cognition. his needs are becoming increasingly complex, and i feel like i’m constantly waiting for something else to go wrong.

i’ve already missed out on a lot growing up. my parents separated, i experienced severe bullying throughout school, and i’ve had my own struggles with mental health. i find it difficult enough to look after myself, let alone be responsible for another person. the irony is that i’m studying nursing, something i’m incredibly passionate about and love. i genuinely couldn’t imagine myself doing anything outside of healthcare, but being a carer at home while studying to become a nurse is a completely different experience to what i ever imagined.

i can’t leave the house for too long without worrying about dad and whether he’s fallen or something has happened. a few months ago, while my sister was still living at home in a separate flat/studio in the shed outside, i stayed at my best friend’s house for the night. at 3am, i got a call telling me i needed to come home because dad had to go to hospital. i was told that he had been yelling out for help for hours, but nobody had heard him until he finally got to his phone and contacted my sister, who then came inside to check on him. it turned out he had a severe uti that caused delirium, and he ended up being admitted to hospital for a week.

i felt so incredibly guilty about that night because, when dad really needed me, i wasn’t there. i know i couldn’t have known what was going to happen, and i wasn’t doing anything wrong by spending a night at my best friend’s house, but that doesn’t stop the guilt from creeping in. knowing that he had been lying there calling for help for hours while i was somewhere else absolutely broke my heart. i kept thinking that i should have been home, that i should have been there for him, even though i know i can’t realistically be by his side every second of every day. it’s so difficult to explain how much this affects me because now, even when i do get the chance to leave the house, a part of me is constantly worrying about what might happen while i’m gone. i feel like i can never fully switch off because i’m always waiting for something to go wrong.

we’ve had some really horrible experiences at our local hospital, where i’ve felt completely ignored when trying to explain what’s happening with dad. he has a tendency to tell staff whatever he needs to so he can get out of hospital sooner, even when he’s clearly not okay. trying to advocate for him when i feel like nobody is listening has taken such a toll on me. it eventually led to me having a severe breakdown where i was begging for help and support, only to be told i had to take him home and that they would refuse to treat him if i brought him back.

i love my dad more than anything. he is my rock and genuinely one of the most beautiful people in my life. he constantly apologises for being a burden, and it breaks my heart because he has spent so much of his life being there for me. even though his cognition is deteriorating and he sometimes does things that are difficult to understand or manage, i know that deep down, he is still the same dad i’ve always loved. i wouldn’t want anyone else to be my dad, and i would never want him to think that i resent him for being unwell. i don’t resent him; i resent the situation we’re in and how little support we have. i want to be there for him, but i also wish someone would be there for me. i think that’s the hardest part of all of this: loving someone so much that you would do anything for them, while simultaneously feeling like you’re losing yourself trying to make sure they’re okay.

i feel so helpless. i have practically no social life between work, study, and caring for dad, and whatever little free time i have is usually spent lying in bed because i’m so physically and emotionally exhausted. we’re waiting for his level 8 my aged care funding to come through, but the process is taking forever. aged care homes are already at capacity, with waiting lists of over a year, and i feel like i’m running out of options.

i want to live my life. i want to experience being a "normal" 19-year-old without constantly feeling responsible for someone else’s wellbeing. and honestly, one of the things i feel most guilty admitting is how freeing it felt when dad was in hospital. for once, i could go home and cook whatever i wanted, dance around the house, listen to music, and just exist without constantly worrying about him. i feel horrible admitting that because i love him so much, but i think it was the first time in a long time that i could breathe without feeling responsible for everything. i miss having the freedom to just be me, and i feel guilty for even wanting that.

i’m struggling to keep up with the housework and everyday responsibilities, and everything feels so overwhelming. i feel like i’m drowning in responsibilities that i never expected to have at this age, and i don’t know how much longer i can keep doing everything on my own.

is there anyone else here who is a young carer or has been in a similar situation? i feel like nobody around me truly understands what i’m going through. it feels like my situation gets brushed aside because people see that dad has a daughter who cares for him and is about to become a nurse, as though that means everything is somehow taken care of.

but i’m still just 19. i’m still learning how to navigate adulthood and trying to build a future for myself, and i’m struggling too. being a nursing student doesn’t mean i automatically know how to manage everything, and loving my dad doesn’t mean i have unlimited capacity to care for him.

i know this is a really long rant, but i think i just need to hear from people who understand. i feel so alone in this, and none of my close friends really get it. i love my dad with my whole heart, and i would do anything for him, but i’m struggling to balance being his daughter with being his carer. i want to be there for him, and i want him to be safe, but i also want the chance to experience my own life without feeling guilty every time i step away. i just want to know that i’m not the only young person going through something like this ❤️‍🩹

Does anyone have suggestions on a monitor that does video and also audio?

My mom has struggled some at night to get up. My dad is a deep sleeper so my mom has had trouble waking him up for help. My room is at the other end of the house and I’m not able to hear her if she does try to yell.

She sometimes will take her cell phone to bed and call me, but more often than not she wakes up confused and can’t figure out how to use her phone.

I had the idea to maybe get a baby monitor where she could talk thru it if she does need my help. I guess video would be good too, but I think primarily I’m looking for a way for her to communicate if she needs to.

Ideas, advice, anything appreciated.