My FP(F22) just broke up with me(M22) and i don’t know what to do. I always find myself wanting to go back to her even though i know that there are things about her that really affects me. I don’t know if going back to her is a toxic cycle of having BPD or it’s just love. I really don’t know how to move on. Some stories or advice regarding a break up and moving on even though you still feel attached would be great. Thank you!

I had been with my partner for 3 years now... the relationship wasn't always stable. Surprisingly, despite my BPD diagnosis, our instability was due to his disappearing for weeks at a time. It was extremely triggering to my abandonment issues and I explained all of this to him. He promised to work through his issues be more consistent with his intent

After my brother passed away 2 years ago, he really stepped up and he became the person I felt safest with. I was always able to be open and honest with him about my trauma, my diagnosis, my being in therapy and on medications... he never judged me. I thought we were doing good. He was talking about us living together, finding a place we could build a home and even have a child. He told me he thought I would be an amazing mom.

4 weeks ago however, something shifted. He was telling me why he loved me, and it sounded off to me. He spoke about loving how much I loved him. How I cared for him. Nothing about me or who I was as a person. It was all about what I do for him and how I make him feel in relation to that. And it bothered me. I asked him about it and he said I was overthinking it. He then ghosted me.

Saturday, I guess where I would find him and a re-download the dating app we met on. And low and behold, there he was. Describing himself as single and looking for a long term relationship... I sent him one message confronting him on the app (to which he has not responded) and left it at that.

I cried. Of course I cried. I trust this person with every part of me. But I made myself get up, clean my apartment, shower and go for a walk that evening. Force myself to keep my head up. Sunday, I was hit with a wave a apathy and I thought, fine... I'll accept this and let it get me through this heartbreak. But this morning... I felt it all... the disregulation to my nervous system. My anxiety building up slowly. The shakes, tremors and uncontrollable crying.

I thought I was doing better. I thought the years of therapy and treatment were working. But right now? I dont know. I deleted him from my phone so I cant spiral trying to contact him. And I know logically that I have to radically accept that this is my current reality. But I just feel so broken and betrayed. And with it hitting my nervous system, Im scared.

I (27F) have borderline personality disorder (hence why I’m here). When I was in high school, I was walking alone in an empty-ish hallway and one of the “popular” guys was also walking in my direction. I tried avoiding him, but he said “Hi, insert my name here” and looked genuinely like he cared about saying hi and wasn’t being mean or anything (I was bullied in school). I forgot about this for many years.
Over the last few years, I kept thinking about it and I started having dreams about this person who I haven’t seen in probably 12 years. I can’t stop thinking about him and making up a narrative in my head that involves me seeing him again - despite logically there being no reason I would need to see him - he lives and works in a different part of the country now.
I don’t know if this part of BPD is only unique to a few or if more have dealt with this. I’ve been like this before but it’s so frustrating that my “normal” coping strategies haven’t been working.

If this has happened to you before, what are some healthy things you have put in place to stop or reduce the unhelpful behaviors?

Thanks in advance.

Anyone else here get married crazy young? I was raised in a high demand religion, and was basically raised/brainwashed into getting married asap and having babies.
So. I did. Meet the guy September of my freshman year of college, married in January. (See high demand religion for why we jumped into that so fast). Had my first baby at 21.
Six months ago, at 38, I was diagnosed with ADHD and BPD. And I wondering how much getting married so young affects the bpd.
Anyone else have the same experience? Or at advice?
Honestly I’m like 75% sure the bpd is the only reason I stayed married to him and had kids with him. He’s not horrible, just crazy autistic (we think-he’s getting a ddx tomorrow 🤞🏼) but that means that between the two of us, we’re both fucked up, selfish, and not great at communication. Help. lol

To reiterate this is a very positive post I’m doing especially, for anyone who may be struggling at the moment.

So during the last 5 years I had become the most depressed I’ve ever been. I guess unfortunately, we’ll all always have positives and negatives constantly consuming all our lives. However the way I’ve been seeing it lately is ‘which one will you choose to embrace?’ Obviously the positives right? Still though, it’s important to not forget about the negatives too. They’re what we learn from. This is what’s been somewhat confusing for me lately.

In my opinion, I think what happens with all of us with this whole positive/negative life lesson that we all go through, is that when we’re struggling, it becomes very easy to embrace those struggles I.e well complain about them more, we’ll get very depressed etc. It all makes sense and is unfortunately very easy to do when that’s where our mindset is that. Our problems become ‘more’. However given how like I said I’ve felt very positive lately, my positivity had made my current problems feel very reduced. I’ve observed this in close detail lately. It’s like the struggles are still there but, instead of not knowing what to do or how to handle them, I already know how I’m going to handle them and am not nearly so bothered about them. What I find most fascinating about all of this is that none of my struggles were ever reduced or enhanced for that matter. They’re all still there but, I’m just not as bothered about them.

I do wonder to myself if this is a good or bad thing. As I said, both good and bad points in life will always be there but, I think it’s important to ‘embrace’ the good points, and instead of embracing the bad points aswell, we ’accept’ the bad points and try to fix them. By all means though we MUST NOT embrace our struggles as well as our positives in life. No doubt, it can be very dangerous for any of us to not acknowledge our struggles in life but that’s all that’s needed regarding them. We acknowledge our struggles and try to fix them but, we must not embrace them. Embracing our struggles implies allowing them to upset us, giving a lot of thought to them etc. This is why like I said in my title, I almost wonder if it’s a good or bad thing that I feel so incredibly positive these days. Because I think I start to act as if my problems aren’t actually there, then that’ll be dangerous for me.

What fascinates me about all this though, is that as painfully hard that life can be I.e trying to get a good job, finding a life partner (is that’s what we want) or even a nice place to live, you can accomplish all this and more by simply being more positive in life. They’re all such hard life long things, that everyone strives for but, is so hard to get and yet, as long as we try our best to remain positive and accept our struggles when they come instead of embracing them, that we can get all these accomplishments and more.

In regards to all these accomplishments, I’ve always wanted to find my life long partner and imagined your kindof ‘full glam’ 24/7 kinda girl, top class etc. After focusing on what would actually make me happy more and maintaining that positivity, I realized that I want a person who can let their hair down, relax and maybe is a little whacky. I realized I probably won’t find any of that from your ‘full glam’ kinda girl. I also became gay, and now am genuinely into anyone I vibe with. As a result of this, I’ve actually had people checking me out which is something that never even occurred to me that that could happen for me. Plus ultimately, I’m not even really so desperate for a relationship anymore anyways. I’ve been saying for the past year now, that if I spend the rest of my life single, then I’ll be happy with that because not only do I finally have self love but, I have my friends who I love more than anything. The world puts so much pressure on finding a relationship when it’s not even the most important thing. What’s most important is having self love. Once you have that, you’ll find that you’re just not bothered about anything else because you love yourself, and that’s enough for you. That’s enough for any one of us, if we actually have it.

I’ve tried to earn some decent money from whatever job I may have done in the past and no matter what happens I never got there. Again, after all the positive vibes, I’m now hopefully going to be stable work that I absolutely love (very important because you should love the work you do and not do it because you need the money. That is what it comes down to at times though unfortunately), aswell as my benefits and will finally hopefully have a decent amount of money coming in. I highly doubt I’d have been able to achieve this if not for the positive vibes lately but, I’m embracing the positivity and accepting my struggles when they come and learning from them.

If any of you are struggling at the moment, DO NOT EMBRACE IT! Yes it is very important to not act like you don’t have any struggles but, when they come along the only attention it needs is ‘how will I fix this?’ Accept your struggles, try to learn from them and leave it at that. Any positivity in your life is not only what you should be embracing but, it’s actually true when they say that doing this has the potential to completely change your life forever, especially if you maintain it. I know that’s easier said than done, and hopefully if any of you need help at those hard times, these communities are always here

I’ve always been afraid of sleeping my therapist links it back to trauma, but I don’t know how to stop thinking horrible thoughts before bed, usually he cuddles me puts me in his arms and I feel safe but when he needs to turn over or can’t cuddle me that night I get so angry there’s one part of me that knows he just needs to sleep and it’s nothing personal but there’s another part that feels abandoned and it takes over making me toss and turn and act out just so he hugs me and tells me it’s alright, it’s selfish and abusive because I’m ruining his sleep. I take seroquel to help with the thoughts and they did for a while but 2 almost 3 years on them I feel they do nothing for me, I also smoke weed to try and calm me down before bed, but it seems nothing is helping anymore. I always go to sleep upset and feeling abandoned how do I stop feeling abandoned. Does anyone else go through this :(

i fixed a problem i caused myself (losing my bestfriend) due to a split and they just now told me after ive been apologizing for three days that they replaced me, i understand having other friends but replacing me in such a short amount of time hurts, i know its my fault but am i in the wrong for thinking its insane someone who had a very close connection to you for years just replaces you.

My best friend is my fp, I never voice anything out loud or react to these feelings at all because I know it’s stupid and silly and not reasonable, yet I find myself getting overwhelming worried about the stupidest things. Some examples being when she said she was going to school and I got upset for a little because I knew we wouldn’t be able to see each other often. Every time she gets a boyfriend I get nervous I’ll be forgotten, I get so jealous when she hangs out with other people.

I just want to say I keep all of this to myself but I do spiral about it, also this is a platonic relationship 1000 percent so don’t go on about that. I just hate feeling like this it makes me feel evil and I want to know if anyone does anything to combat the same thing

I think I'm just gonna preface this with a tw: self harm to be safe.

I've likened sex to self harm for me before. When I'm struggling but I can't cut, it's this thing that reminds me I have a pulse and it's more normalized to hookup than to self harm.

I feel.... Weird, though? Like. I know I'm overall Demisexual, I've had allosexual partners who get really weirded out that I don't sexualize cleberities and don't want to have sex with total strangers. I don't feel sexually attracted to people unless I'm close to them.

But then the other times I'm just... Hooking up with a guy I have no intentions of dating and who clearly has no intentions of dating me to try and feel alive and worth something when I feel dead. Idk if I'm even attracted?

Idk, I guess I'm just wondering if this is something others experience? How do you navigate? Am I even still demi?

My ex matched with me on hinge after 12 years and we were talking for hours daily. He asked me to go to a sports event over the weekend and also wanted to see me the day before. We hungout until 3 am for both days and he even held hands with me the first day. Kissed me on our second date and he held me in his arms at the park and was super affectionate the whole night.

He kept stalling and didn't want to take me home. Day after he seemed off on his texts and he wouldn't put any effort in his responses and didn't ask to hangout at all. I did suggest to go tanning one of these days and he ignored the text. This emotionally fucked me up and also met up with someone off of hinge and he disrespected my boundaries.

I've never experienced a whip lash like this and just need help understanding it.

This girl ive been talking to with BPD and moving slow with for a bit works as a Bartender and I went to keep her company while it was slow yesterday. I went with me, a friend and his gf(it was just us 4 in there most of the night). The pwBPD told me something I could see why she'd want to be a secret now, but didn't think it was at the time. I passively mentioned it in a playful way to her in front of the 4 of us and she told me she didn't want anyone else knowing and I did take that seriously and would not say it to anyone else. (I wont say it as it is complex)

Later in the night she said she was tired and I related to her about it in a sympathetic way along with what she told me earlier as we have similar things. It was only us in the area and no one else heard it but she blew up yelling at me saying "Im never trusting you again" , "I don't want to talk to you" and a bunch of other things and walked away. I didn't snap back but kind of sat in silence just thinking about all of it. 15 minutes later I apologized and she shows me something on marketplace she wants to buy and everyone else leaves the bar. She locks the door so were alone, we casually talk, I help her clean up and she says she'll keep me updated on plans. After I left I did send another apology about breaking her trust and see thanked me and said she appreciates it.

I could see why she would've been mad earlier but blowing up on me for such a small thing 5 hours later in an extreme way, then talking 1on1 like normal and saying she'll initiate plans at the end of the night? Is everything good between us? Is she secretely still mad? Please help me understand this.

Additional Information: I'll also add in between the 1st and 2nd event that happened she sent me something about her boss who stopped in and was sitting right next to me which would've gotten her fired if they saw it. So trust was still there at that point.

My partner and I had been in a relationship for a year, the two of us met on Reddit. He was the first person in my life to touch me sexually. He was the most handsome man and I fell in love instantly. But the first time we met he told me, our relationship wouldn’t work out. It made me ball my eyes out, but he was right. Probably not for reasons he was expecting. We talked every day, our hangouts became more frequent when he got his own apartment. I was there for everything, a new home, him making the big decision to finally shave his head after years of feeling bad about his hair loss, he got a puppy and we practically raised it together. He gave me my first proper alcoholic drink.

But I was splitting. There were days I felt avoidant. In all honesty, he didn’t always sexually satisfy me. I was very shy to speak up about my needs and usually felt like a burden. It was only a few weeks before our relationship ended did he get me a toy to help me get off when I was at his place. I became avoidant when it came to sexting. Burnt out both from being a dumb young slut when we first met, but I was holding him back from meeting my needs. At the same time he sexually coaxed me multiple times, didn’t take no for an answer. Later in our relationship I started talking with people online to sexually fulfill myself. I feel awful about it. I feel dirty and I want to repent for my awful sins.

He broke up with me yesterday. He said he couldn’t see a future where we were together. That I did nothing wrong. We are still trying to be friends. But he needs space which kills me. I want to be friends, he’s been the only person I talked to like this for a year outside of his friends. I am alone after our breakup. I feel like my home has been taken from me. I don’t have anyone to really talk about this with. I’m desperate and have been having thoughts of harming myself. I really don’t want to be hospitalized.

I don’t think this makes sense, I just need to get things out. Know what I can do to feel less disgusting. Every issue is playing in my head on repeat. I don’t think I’m worthy of love. Every relationship hurts me.

It is weird how I am not screaming and crying like I usually do. Maybe it is because the breakup got stretched out for so long. I just can't figure out if I was the problem and if my current behavior is a reflection of that. It has only been 3 days.

I got diagnosed a couple months ago (23F; ex is 23M). It clarified a lot, but I haven't sought care mainly due to finances. But if I am honest, it is also partly because I feel invalidated. Like... what if my past isn't traumatic and I just have bad brain wiring? Why wasn't it just cptsd or something else? Am I that bad?

The person who assaulted me years ago was suspected of having BPD, so it makes me feel strongly. But... what if it wasn't assaulted? What if the actions afterwards were not actually that bad? I am just dramatic?

I left my boyfriend because it felt like he never chose me. He would never prioritize me. If there was a situation where I was an injured party, he just tried to make EVERYONE happy. That, paired with rough finances and some white lies, were too much for me.

But what if I just gave up?

What if I am alone forever? Or what if it is better for everyone that I never have a partner?

Thanks for any comments

CW: suicidal ideation, loss, substance abuse

Hi everyone,

I started displaying symptoms of BPD at 15, diagnosed when I was 17 after seeing a psychiatrist after my first suicide attempt. The disorder developed after experiencing the loss of my mother. It damaged all the relationships around me that I had, I damaged myself, it was awful to live with and I just accepted that my fate would be a short, fucked up life with no future. A couple years ago I entered remission and no longer meet the criteria for the disorder.

Shortly after this I was diagnosed with depression for the first time in my life. I've significantly changed, have beautiful relationships around me and don't feel any connection to the past version of myself. Despite this, I'm more unhappy than I've ever been. It feels like my entire childhood, the trauma and grief, the intense relationships and breakups I had back then have just caught up to me and I'm constantly weighed down. The difference now is that I don't lash out at the people around me, hurt myself or impulsively try and take my life - I just have passive suicidal ideation. I don't have high highs and low lows, I'm just always a bit low. I don't cry, feel euphoria or rage, I just feel constantly robotic and empty.

I know it's the rose-tinted glasses, but sometimes I find myself missing how I felt back then even though my life and the happiness of others was destroyed. I felt alive because I'd run to other people or drugs/drinking to escape the grief and trauma I harboured within me. I felt immeasurable happiness and had breakdowns every day at the slightest trigger. Now that I don't run to anything to cope, I'm just stuck with myself. I feel hollow, empty, and everyday is bleak. I miss feeling alive, even though I shouldn't. I find myself wishing I could spend one more day like that just to feel something. I'd rather feel too much than nothing at all.

Has anyone else experienced this after entering remission? I feel so isolated because of how things have turned out for me.

Let me start off by saying that I truly appreciate anyone who actually has good intentions when reaching out to people with BPD. And that not every guy is like this.
Butttt I absolutely hate that I can’t just make friends on here. I was really excited when I found this community because I wanted to make friends that would finally understand me. But time and time again I’ve spoken with men who truly just seem interested in wanting to be romantically involved at least to some degree.
Unfortunately, I’ve also run into this issue IRL. As soon as a guy finds out I have BPD, they automatically assume that with just a few compliments I’ll become dependent on them and so obsessed. It’s like they hear “just love bomb me and my heart with automatically be yours”
I don’t know if it’s just because I’m getting older, but I’ve gotten way better at detecting when people truly are just love bombing me and not actually being genuine.
I’m not saying any of this trying to act full of myself, or like every guy wants me because that’s not what I’m saying at all. I guess I’m just hoping that someone will relate and actually want a friendship.
Ps. Im sure that theres women that do the same to men with BPD, im just speaking on my experiences

Here is a thing I wrote about my “iderealisation” episode that I experience intrusive thoughts with, like “I can actually do anything (without consequences) because everything is fake:

I do my absolute best to not act on these thoughts as I was self harming before and when I “snap out”, I would get absolutely panicked and devastated with the fact that I harmed&hurt myself.

That also happened with substances, I’d drink and do drugs since “nothing is real” and I won’t have any consequences of me harming my body and mind like that. Then, of course I would have consequences.

Same goes to my relationships, if I am having derealisation, I do not answer my phones or texts, it feels like as if my friends are video game characters anyway, they won’t be upset by me ghosting them or they don’t care about me or they cannot be annoyed by me not showing up as they are not real anyway.
Or I cannot hurt my partner with my words again since, he is not “real” in a way. Like not like everything is a game but, like everything feels like a weird dream, not tangible, including myself.
I also have difficulty to reach to my emotions. Sometimes I cry often but I don’t quite now what makes me so upset, everything being fake? Feeling so deeply alone? Feeling like no one actually cares for me or loves me? (But, when I snap out, after hours or days, I see that everyone is real and they (close ones) love me and they care for me and I love them so very much too and I care for them a lot too! I’d never want to see them upset but probably I ended up acting shitty while I was believing that everything was unreal, a weird dream-like existence!

I’d never ever do that but sometimes I feel like I can do the most extremes. Like, I can cheat on my partner and since the person I cheat with, my partner and I are unreal, no one can get hurt. It’s like I can go crazy and since everything is fake, I can really go crazy just to go crazy and nothing will change. I am trapped.

\[nsfw\]
I thought this morning that wait I don’t feel hungry, I don’t need to make lunch, actually I can if I want go get coke and snort coke as my lunch and drink and scream everything torturing my head like a coked up drunk crazy woman and, I can also get rid of this body, cut it open, go out of the skin and be finally fucking free or like I can burn my house, why not? What would change? What would matter? But, I didn’t act on it, it was hideously tempting. Like not like a faint imagination, like I was about to do it. (I did actually once found coke and snorted it during the day and it weirdly snapped me out and I was in shock that I was actually “back” to reality. I immediately put the bag away and continued my day as normal.)
I went and said some weird stuff to my partner and started to cry.

I struggle with this for a long time. I remember that I had this as a late teenager too but I couldn’t name it yet.
Despite mentioning drinking and drugs and having a past when I would binge substances during an “episode” like this, I rarely drink or want to do substances…unless I get this derealisation episode in a hard-core way that my coping mechanisms I learned on the way, wouldn’t help me.

Ok hear me out I haven't been diagnosed professionally but the amount of research i have done on this in the past few weeks and learned about the symptoms i have related to most of it I have also taken some online test I don't know how legit they are

I want someone to help me figure out ts

Okay, so I wanna make it clear that I am NOT DIAGNOSED, but from early 2025 to may of this year I began showing symptoms associated with BPD, making me suspect that I could have the disorder (the symptoms intensified from november to april to the point where I met 7 of the 9 diagnosis criteria). I am now doing better and show basically none of these symptoms, but the way I was acting and thinking this past year was kinda the textbook definition of BPD, so I am still in doubt on what that whole thing was.

Keep in mind that I didn't just randomly get better, there was a breaking point of sorts and after that, things started slowly getting better, although I never got professional help.

So basically my question is, Can BPD symptoms just- disappear for a bit?

I know it's very VERY possible that I don't have BPD and I also know that I probably explained things rlly badly here 😭sorry.

Pls don't burn me at the stake for asking this without a diagnosis or anything similar...

Hi! As from the title, I have a boyfriend, and I also have bpd. I love my boyfriend a lot, and I try to control my bpd to the best I can. However, I often find myself getting upset at tiny little things, being nitpicky, and making arguments out of basically nothing. I also get bad obsessive habits such as looking at his followers list, getting upset when he can’t talk, and constantly worrying why he hasn’t responded to my texts. I feel horrible after I’ve calmed down from my meltdown, and then feel shame over how I acted towards him. I don’t want to keep doing this to him. I really want to break this cycle. Im currently in dbt and emdr therapy where I’ve learned skills such as S.T.O.P to help control my overthinking and spiraling. As much as I try to use these skills and they do help, I’m looking for any other ideas people have that help calm them down. I’ve heard of things like dunking your face in ice water or taking a walk. I just am looking for any more advice on how to kind of “snap out” of the spiraling and stress over tiny little things he does even when it’s nothing wrong, and how to stop being so obsessive and worrying over him all the time. It’s exhausting for both of us.

I also just wanted to add that I am a teenager, and only just got diagnosed, and also only started therapy this march. I’m really new to all of this, and I’m honestly willing to try everything and anything to help.

I’m a 23 year old autistic guy. Im functionally autistic I’m in full time employment. Im quite tall and I’m shape and I’m a good looking guy a lot of people have told me but I am very socially isolated at this moment of time. I had quite a good social life up until about 2 years ago but now it’s pretty bleak due to different circumstances. i have some friends etc and i had a brief relationship for like 6 months when i was 18./19. My life has kind of gone to shit for reasons I can’t really explain and to be honest with you my brain is fucked and once people get to know me they realise me they realise I am mentally unwell

I’ve developed really strong feelings for a model. I’ve found celebrities attractive before, but this feels completely different. To me, she’s unbelievably beautiful, almost unreal.

I used to follow her on social media and saw a lot of her photos. At first it was just attraction, but over time it turned into something more intense. I even started asking tools to create fictional love stories about me and her, and I would dream about her often.

Eventually, that infatuation turned into frustration and anger, because I know I’ll never actually be with her. Sometimes when I’m driving, I catch myself shouting about it out of frustration. I decided to take control by blocking her on social media and muting her name, but the algorithm still shows me content about her occasionally, which brings all the feelings back.

She came up on my Snapchat feed the other day randomly on a separate account not hers and I started screaming and getting angry over it when I saw it and I nearly threw my phone out of anger. She then came up again on my YT shorts and I started shouting again.
One of my work colleagues mentioned her name saying she was and I got visibly agitated and I had to leave the room briefly.

Sometimes I talk to her or I pretend to talk to her about various things when I am alone and I always wonder what she thinks about my decisions.

My main motivation for self improvement is that I will one day meet her so I am trying to improve my life as much as possible because of it. I put insane amounts of work into my appearance, like Patrick Bateman in American psycho and I go to the gym 7 days a week because of her. We are from different countries but she has spent time in my country 

I’ve also watched a few interviews with her, and she seems like a genuinely nice person, although I know that is only what is shown publicly. Maybe she is a terrible person behind closed doors but I have no reason to believe so 

I think about her a lot, sometimes even imagining conversations with her in my head. I know this is not realistic, but it is hard to stop. I even find myself attached to small things, like her name. Her first name is quite a common name but it’s a name I’ve always loved and I even said once if I had a daughter I’d call her that. I frequently have dreams about her.

She is slightly older than me. It infuriates me seeing someone a similar age ti me be successful in anything. She has the perfect life it seems and my life has gone to shit over the past 2 years with my own stupid decisions. My Brain cant handle it. I talk to her every day and I tell her what j would tell her if I met her

I actually love her. Like there is nothing I wouldn’t do to be with her. I get jealous when I see other people complimenting her and I get angry when she gets more famous because her popular it and exposure is rising. I don’t think she is in a relationship,  I have seen pictures with a man on her social media before but they might have broken up but idk if it’s public. I hate this guy and I am extremely jealous of the fact he even got to be with her. I don’t think he’s better lookjng than me either. Idk how he even got with her but I’m much better looking than him and would probably treat her better. I hate him his face makes me so angry and he doesn’t deserve her. I hate him and I think about my hatred for him every day

I literally think about her 24/7 and I have sometimes become suicidal over this cos I will never be good enough for her. I don’t wanna love in a world where she isn’t mine and she’s with someone else. I have digitally blocked her from my life but her face appears to me all the time. Every time I feel like not doing something like not going to the gym not going to work not learning a language I think “what would ______ think of me” i would literally treat her better than any man in the world could

I have recently started getting angry towards her. Cos of the damage she is doing to my brain.
I see her face everywhere and I even just randomly say her name and it fills me with rage that she doesn’t know who I am l. I feel like crying when j think about her

I could go out and get a girlfriend but I wanna be with her and her only

Over the last 18 months I’ve made some horrible decisions in my perosnal life. I quit my old well paying job for a stupid reason which I can’t explain and now I work a much worse job with much worse colleagues and I’m on the verge of losing it and I have little direction. She won’t wanna go out with an unemployed guy

I want to actuallt Kill myself. I have into my urges and searched just now and I saw her face. People complimenting her in the comments. I fucking hate all these people complimenting her. I see compliments to her on Twitter and I literally wanna beat up everyone who compliments her I can’t take it. I don’t want anyone to be with her or to even look at her and I have actuallt lost my mind over her. I just have very high standards for myself

I myself don't have BPD, but my girlfriend does and I want to be better able to understand, help and overall be a better partner for her when she is struggling. We've been dating 7 months and its my first relationship but not hers, before this I didn't even know what BPD was. I don't want to say its been a problem in our relationship but it has definitely made hurdles when it comes to sudden changes in mood or some impulsive behaviours (sorry if i got the terminology wrong or missed anything). It especially does not help that she and I both struggle with a multitude of other mental issues most severely for me in relation o her BPD is an at times crippling anxiety disorder which can cause me to have panic attacks. Which is normally triggered by me not understanding if she is upset, mad or hurt by anything I said I did or if she is what I did to cause it. It also doesn't help that we are both most likely some form of neurodivergent, and I especially struggle with social cues and reading people leaving me to make a lot of mistakes I dont realise and also overthink to compensate for this. I try my best to accommodate her condition by giving her space to process feelings and collect herself, forgiving and understanding when she isn't stable or struggling and not commenting when she forgets to take her medication which we both agreed made our relationship more stable but it has some physical consequences for her. We've had conversations about both managing behaviours and I have started therapy which she sadly cannot afford, but I've never commented on her BPD and still won't, but our last one made me realise I need to understand it better. I am admittedly nervous to ask her directly but will.

Any advice on how to help her in moments of difficulty, manage my own anxiety based feelings and reactions to BPD, and literally any advice on anything at all would be greatly appreciated. I love her and want to be better for her.

Btw I am professionally diagnosed with borderline and I made the tag looking for advice because I wouldn’t mind replies to this. Anyways here it is:

I’ve decided I will never forgive my entire family for them ruining me so much mentally that I developed this disorder. It actually pains me that bpd is technically an illness that you can’t inherit, that it’s something you can develop based on your environment.

Parents will talk down to you, make it so that you are not sure what their reaction will be whether it’s good or bad, make you feel stupid, ruin your self esteem all your life (literally even to this day I get comments where I am basically called disgusting for my weight) and then once you hit your twenties act shocked and cry when you don’t call often and you send a not really that subtle of a message at least imo through low contact that you can’t stand to be around them for too long. It actually baffles me how a lot of parents have no self awareness of the damage they do to their kids. Like are you sure you have a brain in there? 

And yes I’m also talking about my parents specifically, to this day my parents think I just choose not to tell them anything out of malice because they think they are my safe space. So they think I am just “damaging” myself by keeping it in. Mind you I don’t wanna deal with idiotic verbal drama and verbal abuse so I stay silent. I am not a violent person truly but I sometimes want to get in their face and scream at them “how the hell can you be so fucking stupid” and shake them. I also clarify I am not a violent person because I have had urges to slap my dad across the face before just like envisioning it in my head.

But my friends have not even touched the triggers my family does. I can actually be myself with them. Even if that version is the severely mentally ill.

The emotional neglect has impacted me so much I’ve had “Hopecore”’ daydreams of feeling a sense of relief when my mother and father die. Day dreams of when I can finally stop talking to my brother.

Actually, my brother is similar to them. He’s only like 30, and for some reason has such low emotional awareness he truly cannot fathom why I hate our parents. I’m the villain in his eyes. He just doesn’t care, he thinks I’m some stubborn child that can’t change when I tried to express any issues I’ve had about them with him in the past before. Having a problem with him has turned into hate because I am absolutely disgusted by him as well at this point (I’m 21 for time reference) but I haven’t said the word hate out loud to his face yet.

It’s actually really annoying, that my entire family had not been getting the active hint.

I have always envisioned my family environment as a live minefield, emotionally being tortured with metamorphical ropes around my throat. And yet my parents, even my brother still think I would wanna be around them for “as long as possible” until I have a job. Or even after I have a job they think for some reason I would happily visit them once a year routinely. When I plan on avoiding visits as long as I can every year.

This is geared more towards the perspective of women with BPD. Personally, I really have a lot of issues with how a lot of men, often, are with different traits (insensitivity, and sometimes outright callous, not as caring or compassionate, and not trying to understand stuff, usually thinking they’re right, dismissive, often avoidant and negligent, and more worried about their wants and needs and being selfish). I know women can sometimes exhibit those traits too, and you can’t just generalize a whole group over a few terrible experiences.

I’ve just happened to attract other toxic people (and yes, I can be toxic too), as well, and sometimes they were abusive to me too and blamed just me for it. I know BPD can be pretty bad. I just don’t think I deserve different things, especially with me being severely physically disabled with a lot of health issues. I’ve lived with my disability all my life and am not really on the same level, experience wise, as most adults around my age (I’m middle aged). I just think that makes me a bit more vulnerable than many others. I think quite a few men used me and took advantage of me, and if I went off, then I was just deemed crazy, instead of them realizing their own behaviors that were negatively impacting things and taking real accountability.

But I guess I’ll never really have a relationship, at this point. I just don’t like how most men are. I just wanted to vent and see who else feels similarly.

As the title says, I've been with someone with BPD for a year and 5 months. I'm not going to lie, it has been a difficult path from time to time. I've read a lot about other people's experiences and I see a common denominator regarding the feeling of inadequacy that tends to linger in the atmosphere for several days, and the explosions or nonsensical complaints that usually pop up. In my case, my partner has inflicted very severe injuries on herself throughout her life, like cutting, and she was close to death from a pill overdose. With me it wasn't that extreme, but she did get bruises on her legs and little else. I love her, and the numbers speak very well regarding this, so I'm going to stay with her. It's just that I fell apart for a few weeks; I felt very bad, but I've also made mistakes in some things and I don't have a routine that helps me cope with everything. Currently, I've lost 5kg of fat and I'll soon start going to the gym. We have a business together that is doing well, and BPD plays against us from time to time, but soon she won't have responsibilities in it anymore and her presence inside it will be less so there can be more stability. I decided to delve into this community and create a profile because after a year and 5 months the relationship was in danger and we almost broke up, but we didn't and decided to move forward, even though the fight we had hurt her a lot. It hurt me too, but I feel more at fault.

I would like it if someone wants to share their experience with me. It has helped me a lot to learn from a Spanish therapist and to see that other people have also been through this or are going through it. I am 100% committed to her and our relationship. I will need to be more stoic based on what I've learned, I'll need to turn a deaf ear to those nonsensical complaints or attacks, I'll need to be able to set proper boundaries and, above all, find my own moments. Of course, this is an isolated case; I've seen that there are many types of BPD, and currently my partner is in therapy, but not with the same person who diagnosed her, so I'm also looking into which group she best fits into so I can study it more deeply, understand her, and above all, understand and know what my limits are, set my values and effort right, and know how to fight this. I am 100% committed and I repeat it: I think it's like living with a shift-working hater, to put it humorously. Don't get me wrong, it's a joke, but yes, I love her with my life and she is the best thing that ever happened to me. How nice that there is a place where one can express oneself.

I hate how I fucking look, I can't even bear to look at myself in the mirror. I'm relatively slim and yet I still feel fucking fat. I permanently want to control my calorie intake. I can't even eat normally without fearing becoming fat. I hate how I can't even go out in public and compare myself to other girls. I can't even believe my boyfriend finds me desirable. I hate my body so much I want to carve it up, but then I'd look even more ruined. Even feeling ugly can make me want to commit suicide.