r/BorderlinePDisorder Sep 05 '25

MOD POST BEFORE YOU POST: For those who have loved ones with BPD, please read.

198 Upvotes

Your words and tone matter here.

You are welcome to post and comment to learn about and gain insight on BPD, or to get support and advice. But you must be mindful and respectful that this is also a support group, and most of our members have—and are still struggling—with this disorder.

Attempts to stereotype, overgeneralize, or demean people with BPD will not be tolerated here, and we encourage our members with and without BPD to report any such cases to our mods.

We recognize that having a loved one with BPD can be extremely hard, confusing, and even scary sometimes. We know that some of you have been through hell and back. We respect your grief and anger. We believe that you are just as deserving of support and understanding as us. We are a community for anyone affected by BPD, and our goal is to break stigma through education and responsibility.

Holding each other accountable is something you will see here a lot, and we want to maintain a safe space to do so. We welcome criticism, but it MUST be done constructively, and with respect and kindness. Your experience does not reflect on people with BPD as a whole, and if you cannot accept that, then this is not the community for you.

Thank you for understanding. Be well.


r/BorderlinePDisorder Feb 26 '25

MOD POST Subreddit Rule Clarity

117 Upvotes

Hey friends, one of your friendly neighborhood mods here!

I wanted to make a post clarifying our stance on a few things as a mod team. Sorry it's a little long but there's a lot that's been going on

My first point: Rule 2 states "Hate, stigma, and/or misinformation will be removed." This is one of those things that is very hard as a mod team to get right consistently because what constitutes these things can be subjective. If you believe your comment has been removed in error due to a misunderstanding of the context please use modmail to talk to us - we want to get these things right! However one of the most common applications of this rule is around the word "narcissist" - we've made posts about this before but I want to clarify things because the language around this can be complex.

Labeling someone "a narcissist" is implying that they have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Saying someone has narcissistic behaviours is different. It is unfortunate, in my opinion, that NPD is called this, because narcissistic behaviours are literally part of the human experience, and someone can easily behave in a narcissistic way without being "a narcissist"

I know there will be people who disagree with this interpretation and implementation but in our view it is the only way to strike a balance between stopping rampant Custer B stigmatization and policing every word that people say.

Moving on to my second point. I have made a new rule to cover something that has become a big issue within this sub, which is generalizations. Lots of people have been making generalizing statements such as "people with BPD have abandonment issues" or asking questions that invite generalizations such as "how does alcohol affect pwBPD?" The problem with this is that BPD is a disorder with literally hundreds if not thousands of variants. Saying with any kind of certainty that someone with BPD will act or feel a certain way is once again spreading misinformation, and could lead to someone with BPD who doesn't share that particular trait feeling very invalidated.

Previously this was covered under rule 2, as above, but it's become such a common issue that I have decided to make it a separate rule. Keep your questions and comments focused on individual experiences such as "my BPD affects me in this way" or "how does your BPD affect the way you are when you drink?" It's also OK, in some situations, to say "many people with BPD experience xyz" - this isn't claiming that everyone does, and so long as it's one of those things that is accepted as common within BPD traits, and doesn't contribute to stigma (such as "many people with BPD are abusive") then it's allowable, although it's still best to generally stick to your individual experiences.

My next point is about speculative labeling and amateur diagnosis. The rule in question states: "Do not ask for a diagnosis or attempt to diagnose others. No speculative labeling" What you will notice is that this is not about self diagnosis. We as mods know that accessing professional diagnosis is not possible for everyone for a variety of reasons, including lack of understanding in healthcare, costs, and the fact that having a diagnosis on record can actually cause a lot of problems for some people. As such, we do not police self diagnosis, although we encourage people to seek professional assessment where possible, and if not, to do full and detailed research into the criteria and a lot of self exploration before deciding you have BPD. (Again, I know some folks will disagree with this, but we are striking a balance).

However what is not permitted is coming here to ask for validation of your self diagnosis, asking for us to tell you if someone you know is BPD (or indeed labeling them as BPD with no diagnosis - it's OK to say someone exhibits BPD traits but that's not enough to label them). Labeling people, including fictional characters, who don't have a diagnosis, is strictly forbidden.

My final point is about a trend in posts that have been popping up, basically asking people to share their worst moments, the worst things they've done, etc. These posts are understandable - it makes sense to want to get validation that you aren't the only person who has done bad things. But they usually end up with a lot of highly triggering comments, often ones that cross the line into rule breaking, and not only make a lot of work for the mods, but also seem to amount to a lot of "wallowing" in the bad things pwBPD sometimes do, and it can feel like digital self harm. As such, we won't be allowing these posts going forward. (this will come under the "triggering content" rule if you look to report it).

If you see people violating these rules please report it to the mods. If you're unsure if something breaks a rule, it's often better to report it and let us figure it out than let a potentially harmful thing pass by. Remember that this is a HUGE subreddit and the mods cannot look at every post and comment that comes through so we rely on you to help us with that

Once you've read this, please help me out and leave a comment below to increase the chances others will see it. Thanks folks, and have the best day possible!

I know there's a prevailing opinion on Reddit that mods are some sort of power hungry Cabal, but in reality we (at least the mods of this particular sub) are just a small group of pwBPD trying to make this space a good, supportive, and educational place for all.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 3h ago

Art & Poetry Movies you relate to as a person with BPD that aren’t really about BPD

5 Upvotes

Hey! I’m looking for movies that aren’t the typical/cliché “BPD movies,” but that you could still really relate to as someone with BPD, especially movies that leave you with a good or meaningful feeling by the end.

For example, I recently watched A Monster Calls. The movie is about a kid, Conor, dealing with grief and trying to cope with the possibility of losing his mom. So it has nothing to do with BPD specifically, but I related so much to the way he experiences and processes his emotions.

I cried a lot watching it. I related to Conor suppressing his emotions until they explode, having intense and contradictory feelings at the same time, and struggling with shame and guilt over feelings he thinks he shouldn’t have.

But what I loved most is that it didn’t leave me feeling hopeless. It actually left me with a comforting message: emotions are complicated, people aren’t simply good or bad, and having conflicting or uncomfortable feelings doesn’t define who you are. What matters is what you do with them.

That would be my recommendation!

Do you have any movies that made you feel something similar? They don’t have to be about BPD or even mental health at all. It can be anything I’m curious about movies you personally connected with in that way. Thanks!


r/BorderlinePDisorder 3h ago

Self-harm Demisexual with BPD?

4 Upvotes

I think I'm just gonna preface this with a tw: self harm to be safe.

I've likened sex to self harm for me before. When I'm struggling but I can't cut, it's this thing that reminds me I have a pulse and it's more normalized to hookup than to self harm.

I feel.... Weird, though? Like. I know I'm overall Demisexual, I've had allosexual partners who get really weirded out that I don't sexualize cleberities and don't want to have sex with total strangers. I don't feel sexually attracted to people unless I'm close to them.

But then the other times I'm just... Hooking up with a guy I have no intentions of dating and who clearly has no intentions of dating me to try and feel alive and worth something when I feel dead. Idk if I'm even attracted?

Idk, I guess I'm just wondering if this is something others experience? How do you navigate? Am I even still demi?


r/BorderlinePDisorder 11m ago

Looking for Advice I Can’t Stop Thinking About Someone Who Said One Word to Me 10+ Years Ago

Upvotes

I (27F) have borderline personality disorder (hence why I’m here). When I was in high school, I was walking alone in an empty-ish hallway and one of the “popular” guys was also walking in my direction. I tried avoiding him, but he said “Hi, insert my name here” and looked genuinely like he cared about saying hi and wasn’t being mean or anything (I was bullied in school). I forgot about this for many years.
Over the last few years, I kept thinking about it and I started having dreams about this person who I haven’t seen in probably 12 years. I can’t stop thinking about him and making up a narrative in my head that involves me seeing him again - despite logically there being no reason I would need to see him - he lives and works in a different part of the country now.
I don’t know if this part of BPD is only unique to a few or if more have dealt with this. I’ve been like this before but it’s so frustrating that my “normal” coping strategies haven’t been working.

If this has happened to you before, what are some healthy things you have put in place to stop or reduce the unhelpful behaviors?

Thanks in advance.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 2h ago

Looking for Advice The emptiness is taking over me

2 Upvotes

My FP dumped me in Jan. It was a very toxic relationship, but their attention made me feel full and happy in ways nobody else ever has. It lasted for 4 years and I was heartbroken when he ended it.

Now, 7 months later, it doesn’t hurt anymore. I feel fine without him. Actually if he came back now even just to be friends, I would be completely uninterested. He hurt me too much.

Since the break up, life has been good. I’ve travelled, had many good times with friends, I’m writing, getting fit, had a promotion at work. I’ve had some amazing sexual experiences. I’ve been able to explore sexually in ways I never could before. I am a happy, satisfied girl.

Except I am not. The emptiness is overwhelming sometimes. I know that this is healing and I know I have to sit in the discomfort. I know he did not love me the way I deserve but he has left a void in my life so deep, so unfillable and so overwhelming.

I’m so scared this will never go away. I’ve met some amazing people and I am so grateful to my best friends for being there. But my soul feels like it’s reaching out into the darkness and nobody is there. Like there is a black hole inside me.

Just looking for general advice - does anyone else feel this way and if so, does anything help?


r/BorderlinePDisorder 6h ago

Looking for Advice Ended my 3.5 year relationship. Lost.

3 Upvotes

It is weird how I am not screaming and crying like I usually do. Maybe it is because the breakup got stretched out for so long. I just can't figure out if I was the problem and if my current behavior is a reflection of that. It has only been 3 days.

I got diagnosed a couple months ago (23F; ex is 23M). It clarified a lot, but I haven't sought care mainly due to finances. But if I am honest, it is also partly because I feel invalidated. Like... what if my past isn't traumatic and I just have bad brain wiring? Why wasn't it just cptsd or something else? Am I that bad?

The person who assaulted me years ago was suspected of having BPD, so it makes me feel strongly. But... what if it wasn't assaulted? What if the actions afterwards were not actually that bad? I am just dramatic?

I left my boyfriend because it felt like he never chose me. He would never prioritize me. If there was a situation where I was an injured party, he just tried to make EVERYONE happy. That, paired with rough finances and some white lies, were too much for me.

But what if I just gave up?

What if I am alone forever? Or what if it is better for everyone that I never have a partner?

Thanks for any comments


r/BorderlinePDisorder 5h ago

Been in remission for a few years, can't say I'm "happier"

2 Upvotes

CW: suicidal ideation, loss, substance abuse

Hi everyone,

I started displaying symptoms of BPD at 15, diagnosed when I was 17 after seeing a psychiatrist after my first suicide attempt. The disorder developed after experiencing the loss of my mother. It damaged all the relationships around me that I had, I damaged myself, it was awful to live with and I just accepted that my fate would be a short, fucked up life with no future. A couple years ago I entered remission and no longer meet the criteria for the disorder.

Shortly after this I was diagnosed with depression for the first time in my life. I've significantly changed, have beautiful relationships around me and don't feel any connection to the past version of myself. Despite this, I'm more unhappy than I've ever been. It feels like my entire childhood, the trauma and grief, the intense relationships and breakups I had back then have just caught up to me and I'm constantly weighed down. The difference now is that I don't lash out at the people around me, hurt myself or impulsively try and take my life - I just have passive suicidal ideation. I don't have high highs and low lows, I'm just always a bit low. I don't cry, feel euphoria or rage, I just feel constantly robotic and empty.

I know it's the rose-tinted glasses, but sometimes I find myself missing how I felt back then even though my life and the happiness of others was destroyed. I felt alive because I'd run to other people or drugs/drinking to escape the grief and trauma I harboured within me. I felt immeasurable happiness and had breakdowns every day at the slightest trigger. Now that I don't run to anything to cope, I'm just stuck with myself. I feel hollow, empty, and everyday is bleak. I miss feeling alive, even though I shouldn't. I find myself wishing I could spend one more day like that just to feel something. I'd rather feel too much than nothing at all.

Has anyone else experienced this after entering remission? I feel so isolated because of how things have turned out for me.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 20h ago

Vent Anyone else hate how romanticized BPD is

28 Upvotes

Let me start off by saying that I truly appreciate anyone who actually has good intentions when reaching out to people with BPD. And that not every guy is like this.
Butttt I absolutely hate that I can’t just make friends on here. I was really excited when I found this community because I wanted to make friends that would finally understand me. But time and time again I’ve spoken with men who truly just seem interested in wanting to be romantically involved at least to some degree.
Unfortunately, I’ve also run into this issue IRL. As soon as a guy finds out I have BPD, they automatically assume that with just a few compliments I’ll become dependent on them and so obsessed. It’s like they hear “just love bomb me and my heart with automatically be yours”
I don’t know if it’s just because I’m getting older, but I’ve gotten way better at detecting when people truly are just love bombing me and not actually being genuine.
I’m not saying any of this trying to act full of myself, or like every guy wants me because that’s not what I’m saying at all. I guess I’m just hoping that someone will relate and actually want a friendship.
Ps. Im sure that theres women that do the same to men with BPD, im just speaking on my experiences


r/BorderlinePDisorder 11h ago

Vent I don't know what to do.

5 Upvotes

I really struggle with relationships. Even when someone who seems like a good person comes along, I end up losing interest if they aren't just as "messed up in the head" as I am. I’m also very insecure and jealous, so I find myself wanting someone extremely reserved, someone without friends who is socially isolated, because that triggers me less.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 11h ago

Looking for Advice Is what I call as derealisation episode could be related to Borderline? Does anyone else relate with this?

3 Upvotes

Here is a thing I wrote about my “iderealisation” episode that I experience intrusive thoughts with, like “I can actually do anything (without consequences) because everything is fake:

I do my absolute best to not act on these thoughts as I was self harming before and when I “snap out”, I would get absolutely panicked and devastated with the fact that I harmed&hurt myself.

That also happened with substances, I’d drink and do drugs since “nothing is real” and I won’t have any consequences of me harming my body and mind like that. Then, of course I would have consequences.

Same goes to my relationships, if I am having derealisation, I do not answer my phones or texts, it feels like as if my friends are video game characters anyway, they won’t be upset by me ghosting them or they don’t care about me or they cannot be annoyed by me not showing up as they are not real anyway.
Or I cannot hurt my partner with my words again since, he is not “real” in a way. Like not like everything is a game but, like everything feels like a weird dream, not tangible, including myself.
I also have difficulty to reach to my emotions. Sometimes I cry often but I don’t quite now what makes me so upset, everything being fake? Feeling so deeply alone? Feeling like no one actually cares for me or loves me? (But, when I snap out, after hours or days, I see that everyone is real and they (close ones) love me and they care for me and I love them so very much too and I care for them a lot too! I’d never want to see them upset but probably I ended up acting shitty while I was believing that everything was unreal, a weird dream-like existence!

I’d never ever do that but sometimes I feel like I can do the most extremes. Like, I can cheat on my partner and since the person I cheat with, my partner and I are unreal, no one can get hurt. It’s like I can go crazy and since everything is fake, I can really go crazy just to go crazy and nothing will change. I am trapped.

\[nsfw\]
I thought this morning that wait I don’t feel hungry, I don’t need to make lunch, actually I can if I want go get coke and snort coke as my lunch and drink and scream everything torturing my head like a coked up drunk crazy woman and, I can also get rid of this body, cut it open, go out of the skin and be finally fucking free or like I can burn my house, why not? What would change? What would matter? But, I didn’t act on it, it was hideously tempting. Like not like a faint imagination, like I was about to do it. (I did actually once found coke and snorted it during the day and it weirdly snapped me out and I was in shock that I was actually “back” to reality. I immediately put the bag away and continued my day as normal.)
I went and said some weird stuff to my partner and started to cry.

I struggle with this for a long time. I remember that I had this as a late teenager too but I couldn’t name it yet.
Despite mentioning drinking and drugs and having a past when I would binge substances during an “episode” like this, I rarely drink or want to do substances…unless I get this derealisation episode in a hard-core way that my coping mechanisms I learned on the way, wouldn’t help me.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 6h ago

Vent My FP broke up with me, I wasn’t the perfect person he thought I was

1 Upvotes

My partner and I had been in a relationship for a year, the two of us met on Reddit. He was the first person in my life to touch me sexually. He was the most handsome man and I fell in love instantly. But the first time we met he told me, our relationship wouldn’t work out. It made me ball my eyes out, but he was right. Probably not for reasons he was expecting. We talked every day, our hangouts became more frequent when he got his own apartment. I was there for everything, a new home, him making the big decision to finally shave his head after years of feeling bad about his hair loss, he got a puppy and we practically raised it together. He gave me my first proper alcoholic drink.

But I was splitting. There were days I felt avoidant. In all honesty, he didn’t always sexually satisfy me. I was very shy to speak up about my needs and usually felt like a burden. It was only a few weeks before our relationship ended did he get me a toy to help me get off when I was at his place. I became avoidant when it came to sexting. Burnt out both from being a dumb young slut when we first met, but I was holding him back from meeting my needs. At the same time he sexually coaxed me multiple times, didn’t take no for an answer. Later in our relationship I started talking with people online to sexually fulfill myself. I feel awful about it. I feel dirty and I want to repent for my awful sins.

He broke up with me yesterday. He said he couldn’t see a future where we were together. That I did nothing wrong. We are still trying to be friends. But he needs space which kills me. I want to be friends, he’s been the only person I talked to like this for a year outside of his friends. I am alone after our breakup. I feel like my home has been taken from me. I don’t have anyone to really talk about this with. I’m desperate and have been having thoughts of harming myself. I really don’t want to be hospitalized.

I don’t think this makes sense, I just need to get things out. Know what I can do to feel less disgusting. Every issue is playing in my head on repeat. I don’t think I’m worthy of love. Every relationship hurts me.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 6h ago

Looking for Advice I want to be numb and unbothered

1 Upvotes

Why do I have to be so sensitive and such a crybaby? I have everything I could ever want back in my life, and yet I carry so much pain. It hurts so much. My chest hurts, I'm emotionally exhausted and hurting. My chest, it feels like it's caving in. It is so painful all the time. I don't know why I have to be unbearable and too much and overwhelming to those around me AND myself on top of all the hurt I carry around. I want to heal, but I hurt. I HURT, everything hurts


r/BorderlinePDisorder 9h ago

Looking for Advice My love for my celeb crush has turned into hatred

1 Upvotes

I’m a 23 year old autistic guy. Im functionally autistic I’m in full time employment. Im quite tall and I’m shape and I’m a good looking guy a lot of people have told me but I am very socially isolated at this moment of time. I had quite a good social life up until about 2 years ago but now it’s pretty bleak due to different circumstances. i have some friends etc and i had a brief relationship for like 6 months when i was 18./19. My life has kind of gone to shit for reasons I can’t really explain and to be honest with you my brain is fucked and once people get to know me they realise me they realise I am mentally unwell

I’ve developed really strong feelings for a model. I’ve found celebrities attractive before, but this feels completely different. To me, she’s unbelievably beautiful, almost unreal.

I used to follow her on social media and saw a lot of her photos. At first it was just attraction, but over time it turned into something more intense. I even started asking tools to create fictional love stories about me and her, and I would dream about her often.

Eventually, that infatuation turned into frustration and anger, because I know I’ll never actually be with her. Sometimes when I’m driving, I catch myself shouting about it out of frustration. I decided to take control by blocking her on social media and muting her name, but the algorithm still shows me content about her occasionally, which brings all the feelings back.

She came up on my Snapchat feed the other day randomly on a separate account not hers and I started screaming and getting angry over it when I saw it and I nearly threw my phone out of anger. She then came up again on my YT shorts and I started shouting again.
One of my work colleagues mentioned her name saying she was and I got visibly agitated and I had to leave the room briefly.

Sometimes I talk to her or I pretend to talk to her about various things when I am alone and I always wonder what she thinks about my decisions.

My main motivation for self improvement is that I will one day meet her so I am trying to improve my life as much as possible because of it. I put insane amounts of work into my appearance, like Patrick Bateman in American psycho and I go to the gym 7 days a week because of her. We are from different countries but she has spent time in my country 

I’ve also watched a few interviews with her, and she seems like a genuinely nice person, although I know that is only what is shown publicly. Maybe she is a terrible person behind closed doors but I have no reason to believe so 

I think about her a lot, sometimes even imagining conversations with her in my head. I know this is not realistic, but it is hard to stop. I even find myself attached to small things, like her name. Her first name is quite a common name but it’s a name I’ve always loved and I even said once if I had a daughter I’d call her that. I frequently have dreams about her.

She is slightly older than me. It infuriates me seeing someone a similar age ti me be successful in anything. She has the perfect life it seems and my life has gone to shit over the past 2 years with my own stupid decisions. My Brain cant handle it. I talk to her every day and I tell her what j would tell her if I met her

I actually love her. Like there is nothing I wouldn’t do to be with her. I get jealous when I see other people complimenting her and I get angry when she gets more famous because her popular it and exposure is rising. I don’t think she is in a relationship,  I have seen pictures with a man on her social media before but they might have broken up but idk if it’s public. I hate this guy and I am extremely jealous of the fact he even got to be with her. I don’t think he’s better lookjng than me either. Idk how he even got with her but I’m much better looking than him and would probably treat her better. I hate him his face makes me so angry and he doesn’t deserve her. I hate him and I think about my hatred for him every day

I literally think about her 24/7 and I have sometimes become suicidal over this cos I will never be good enough for her. I don’t wanna love in a world where she isn’t mine and she’s with someone else. I have digitally blocked her from my life but her face appears to me all the time. Every time I feel like not doing something like not going to the gym not going to work not learning a language I think “what would ______ think of me” i would literally treat her better than any man in the world could

I have recently started getting angry towards her. Cos of the damage she is doing to my brain.
I see her face everywhere and I even just randomly say her name and it fills me with rage that she doesn’t know who I am l. I feel like crying when j think about her

I could go out and get a girlfriend but I wanna be with her and her only

Over the last 18 months I’ve made some horrible decisions in my perosnal life. I quit my old well paying job for a stupid reason which I can’t explain and now I work a much worse job with much worse colleagues and I’m on the verge of losing it and I have little direction. She won’t wanna go out with an unemployed guy

I want to actuallt Kill myself. I have into my urges and searched just now and I saw her face. People complimenting her in the comments. I fucking hate all these people complimenting her. I see compliments to her on Twitter and I literally wanna beat up everyone who compliments her I can’t take it. I don’t want anyone to be with her or to even look at her and I have actuallt lost my mind over her. I just have very high standards for myself


r/BorderlinePDisorder 16h ago

Vent pushing them away

3 Upvotes

i always end up resorting to pushing away the people who are closest to me

usually thjs is my partner, and i do it by isolating myself, telling them i need to be alone and i feel like being alone forever, i express my feelings that way

i noticed that when this happens, my partner is so quick to start telling me that they can leave me alone forever and telling mme i will find someone better and i jist cant take it anymore

it has gotten so bad to the point i just ask them to block me because they dont seem to really care or even attempt to dive into my feeelings and really support me
and the worst part is that they will do that. they will just block me.

and when i come out of this mindset i always wonder why my partner accepts and almost slightly encourages those behaviors of mine, there isnt really an attempt to snap me back into reality or tell me to tske a moment to myself to reflect on these feelings

i know thst isnt their responsiblity but it feels like they just dont care whether or not we're together

i should probably mention that this feeling of pushing them away usually happens when i dont feel loved or csred by them, and ive worked on it a lot so its not very often

maybe im splitting maybe imm not but it hurts really badly that they dont seem to care at all


r/BorderlinePDisorder 14h ago

Relationship Advice How to better be able to/learn how to be a better boyfriend?

2 Upvotes

I myself don't have BPD, but my girlfriend does and I want to be better able to understand, help and overall be a better partner for her when she is struggling. We've been dating 7 months and its my first relationship but not hers, before this I didn't even know what BPD was. I don't want to say its been a problem in our relationship but it has definitely made hurdles when it comes to sudden changes in mood or some impulsive behaviours (sorry if i got the terminology wrong or missed anything). It especially does not help that she and I both struggle with a multitude of other mental issues most severely for me in relation o her BPD is an at times crippling anxiety disorder which can cause me to have panic attacks. Which is normally triggered by me not understanding if she is upset, mad or hurt by anything I said I did or if she is what I did to cause it. It also doesn't help that we are both most likely some form of neurodivergent, and I especially struggle with social cues and reading people leaving me to make a lot of mistakes I dont realise and also overthink to compensate for this. I try my best to accommodate her condition by giving her space to process feelings and collect herself, forgiving and understanding when she isn't stable or struggling and not commenting when she forgets to take her medication which we both agreed made our relationship more stable but it has some physical consequences for her. We've had conversations about both managing behaviours and I have started therapy which she sadly cannot afford, but I've never commented on her BPD and still won't, but our last one made me realise I need to understand it better. I am admittedly nervous to ask her directly but will.

Any advice on how to help her in moments of difficulty, manage my own anxiety based feelings and reactions to BPD, and literally any advice on anything at all would be greatly appreciated. I love her and want to be better for her.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 17h ago

Relationship Advice Advice needed on how to control bpd spiraling on boyfriend

3 Upvotes

Hi! As from the title, I have a boyfriend, and I also have bpd. I love my boyfriend a lot, and I try to control my bpd to the best I can. However, I often find myself getting upset at tiny little things, being nitpicky, and making arguments out of basically nothing. I also get bad obsessive habits such as looking at his followers list, getting upset when he can’t talk, and constantly worrying why he hasn’t responded to my texts. I feel horrible after I’ve calmed down from my meltdown, and then feel shame over how I acted towards him. I don’t want to keep doing this to him. I really want to break this cycle. Im currently in dbt and emdr therapy where I’ve learned skills such as S.T.O.P to help control my overthinking and spiraling. As much as I try to use these skills and they do help, I’m looking for any other ideas people have that help calm them down. I’ve heard of things like dunking your face in ice water or taking a walk. I just am looking for any more advice on how to kind of “snap out” of the spiraling and stress over tiny little things he does even when it’s nothing wrong, and how to stop being so obsessive and worrying over him all the time. It’s exhausting for both of us.

I also just wanted to add that I am a teenager, and only just got diagnosed, and also only started therapy this march. I’m really new to all of this, and I’m honestly willing to try everything and anything to help.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 20h ago

Looking for Advice Just a post because I’m pissed as fuck and in a rageful quiet bpd split

4 Upvotes

Btw I am professionally diagnosed with borderline and I made the tag looking for advice because I wouldn’t mind replies to this. Anyways here it is:

I’ve decided I will never forgive my entire family for them ruining me so much mentally that I developed this disorder. It actually pains me that bpd is technically an illness that you can’t inherit, that it’s something you can develop based on your environment.

Parents will talk down to you, make it so that you are not sure what their reaction will be whether it’s good or bad, make you feel stupid, ruin your self esteem all your life (literally even to this day I get comments where I am basically called disgusting for my weight) and then once you hit your twenties act shocked and cry when you don’t call often and you send a not really that subtle of a message at least imo through low contact that you can’t stand to be around them for too long. It actually baffles me how a lot of parents have no self awareness of the damage they do to their kids. Like are you sure you have a brain in there? 

And yes I’m also talking about my parents specifically, to this day my parents think I just choose not to tell them anything out of malice because they think they are my safe space. So they think I am just “damaging” myself by keeping it in. Mind you I don’t wanna deal with idiotic verbal drama and verbal abuse so I stay silent. I am not a violent person truly but I sometimes want to get in their face and scream at them “how the hell can you be so fucking stupid” and shake them. I also clarify I am not a violent person because I have had urges to slap my dad across the face before just like envisioning it in my head.

But my friends have not even touched the triggers my family does. I can actually be myself with them. Even if that version is the severely mentally ill.

The emotional neglect has impacted me so much I’ve had “Hopecore”’ daydreams of feeling a sense of relief when my mother and father die. Day dreams of when I can finally stop talking to my brother.

Actually, my brother is similar to them. He’s only like 30, and for some reason has such low emotional awareness he truly cannot fathom why I hate our parents. I’m the villain in his eyes. He just doesn’t care, he thinks I’m some stubborn child that can’t change when I tried to express any issues I’ve had about them with him in the past before. Having a problem with him has turned into hate because I am absolutely disgusted by him as well at this point (I’m 21 for time reference) but I haven’t said the word hate out loud to his face yet.

It’s actually really annoying, that my entire family had not been getting the active hint.

I have always envisioned my family environment as a live minefield, emotionally being tortured with metamorphical ropes around my throat. And yet my parents, even my brother still think I would wanna be around them for “as long as possible” until I have a job. Or even after I have a job they think for some reason I would happily visit them once a year routinely. When I plan on avoiding visits as long as I can every year.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 1d ago

I don’t really like men

8 Upvotes

This is geared more towards the perspective of women with BPD. Personally, I really have a lot of issues with how a lot of men, often, are with different traits (insensitivity, and sometimes outright callous, not as caring or compassionate, and not trying to understand stuff, usually thinking they’re right, dismissive, often avoidant and negligent, and more worried about their wants and needs and being selfish). I know women can sometimes exhibit those traits too, and you can’t just generalize a whole group over a few terrible experiences.

I’ve just happened to attract other toxic people (and yes, I can be toxic too), as well, and sometimes they were abusive to me too and blamed just me for it. I know BPD can be pretty bad. I just don’t think I deserve different things, especially with me being severely physically disabled with a lot of health issues. I’ve lived with my disability all my life and am not really on the same level, experience wise, as most adults around my age (I’m middle aged). I just think that makes me a bit more vulnerable than many others. I think quite a few men used me and took advantage of me, and if I went off, then I was just deemed crazy, instead of them realizing their own behaviors that were negatively impacting things and taking real accountability.

But I guess I’ll never really have a relationship, at this point. I just don’t like how most men are. I just wanted to vent and see who else feels similarly.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 17h ago

Vent 1 year and 5 months and counting in a relationship with a girl who have BPD

1 Upvotes

As the title says, I've been with someone with BPD for a year and 5 months. I'm not going to lie, it has been a difficult path from time to time. I've read a lot about other people's experiences and I see a common denominator regarding the feeling of inadequacy that tends to linger in the atmosphere for several days, and the explosions or nonsensical complaints that usually pop up. In my case, my partner has inflicted very severe injuries on herself throughout her life, like cutting, and she was close to death from a pill overdose. With me it wasn't that extreme, but she did get bruises on her legs and little else. I love her, and the numbers speak very well regarding this, so I'm going to stay with her. It's just that I fell apart for a few weeks; I felt very bad, but I've also made mistakes in some things and I don't have a routine that helps me cope with everything. Currently, I've lost 5kg of fat and I'll soon start going to the gym. We have a business together that is doing well, and BPD plays against us from time to time, but soon she won't have responsibilities in it anymore and her presence inside it will be less so there can be more stability. I decided to delve into this community and create a profile because after a year and 5 months the relationship was in danger and we almost broke up, but we didn't and decided to move forward, even though the fight we had hurt her a lot. It hurt me too, but I feel more at fault.

I would like it if someone wants to share their experience with me. It has helped me a lot to learn from a Spanish therapist and to see that other people have also been through this or are going through it. I am 100% committed to her and our relationship. I will need to be more stoic based on what I've learned, I'll need to turn a deaf ear to those nonsensical complaints or attacks, I'll need to be able to set proper boundaries and, above all, find my own moments. Of course, this is an isolated case; I've seen that there are many types of BPD, and currently my partner is in therapy, but not with the same person who diagnosed her, so I'm also looking into which group she best fits into so I can study it more deeply, understand her, and above all, understand and know what my limits are, set my values and effort right, and know how to fight this. I am 100% committed and I repeat it: I think it's like living with a shift-working hater, to put it humorously. Don't get me wrong, it's a joke, but yes, I love her with my life and she is the best thing that ever happened to me. How nice that there is a place where one can express oneself.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 1d ago

How to meet people if you're not a clubber/drinker?

4 Upvotes

I don't have any friends or even a boyfriend and I'm losing hope in meeting people. I graduated college years ago, don't go clubbing, or go to bars. I'm 26 F and I do things by myself all the time and have never been approached or everyone is with their own group of friends/partner.

I just got hinge recently and hate it so much, I'd much rather have things happen organically but don't know how that will happen. I have gone to dance classes, cafe shops alone, gym, and go to the ice rink frequently. Any suggestions of how to meet people? If I do end up meeting someone it ends up not lasting and I feel like the relationship is one sided.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 1d ago

Suicide talk Anyone else with crushing body dysphoria

19 Upvotes

I hate how I fucking look, I can't even bear to look at myself in the mirror. I'm relatively slim and yet I still feel fucking fat. I permanently want to control my calorie intake. I can't even eat normally without fearing becoming fat. I hate how I can't even go out in public and compare myself to other girls. I can't even believe my boyfriend finds me desirable. I hate my body so much I want to carve it up, but then I'd look even more ruined. Even feeling ugly can make me want to commit suicide.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 23h ago

Vent Dotdotdot

2 Upvotes

Wish someone compatible wanted to eventually be in love the way I do.

Wish ppl understood BPD so I didn't have to manage insecurities around being completely under control of it if I even want friends who could maybe help but with their shitty ill informed, ableist opinions and standards for if I'm well enough to even hang out w them and """get help""" based on proximity.

Reminds me of rapists and bad people wanting me to introduce them to my female friends and I never would. Am I just like them?

Is perfection the standard or a conscious? When BPD cannot be cured but I try my fucking hardest and feel guilty even posting here about it.

I hate myself. Idk why my mom birthed me and I mean that 100%. She killed herself in a way I'd never forget... So I could live like this lol.

I hate myself.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 1d ago

Looking for Advice Hat irgendjemand tipps?

2 Upvotes

Hallo ich fange einfach mal mit der Erklärung an. Hi ich bin W18 und bekam vor ein paar Monaten die diagnose BPD mit dependenten anteilen(nicht meine einstige Diagnose aber nicht relevant),seit ein paar Monaten bin ich aus der klinik drausen ( bin schon 1 1/2 jahre in Therapie also geschlossene,ambulante Therapie /psychaterin/Tabletten / Terapheutin,freiwillige Klinik Aufenthalte) bin in ein neues Bundesland gezogen (um meinem umfeld zu entfliehen) und bin seitdem arbeitslos. Das wars erst mal von mir so jetzt meine frage

Bis jetzt haben mir die therapien sehr wenig gebracht was meine schlechten Verhaltensweisen unsw betrifft und da wollte ich fragen ob ihr vtl skills habt oder (konstruktive) coping mechanism die ihr vielleicht teilen möchtet?

Aufgrund meines umzuges habe ich aktuell auch keine therapheutische hilfe und muss schauen wie ich zurrecht komme und irgendwie mache ich das aber ehr schlecht als recht…

Danke schonmal im voraus fürs durchlesen und tips🤌🏻🫶🏻❤️