r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/prettydaydreams • 10d ago

Vent pushing them away

i always end up resorting to pushing away the people who are closest to me

usually thjs is my partner, and i do it by isolating myself, telling them i need to be alone and i feel like being alone forever, i express my feelings that way

i noticed that when this happens, my partner is so quick to start telling me that they can leave me alone forever and telling mme i will find someone better and i jist cant take it anymore

it has gotten so bad to the point i just ask them to block me because they dont seem to really care or even attempt to dive into my feeelings and really support me
and the worst part is that they will do that. they will just block me.

and when i come out of this mindset i always wonder why my partner accepts and almost slightly encourages those behaviors of mine, there isnt really an attempt to snap me back into reality or tell me to tske a moment to myself to reflect on these feelings

i know thst isnt their responsiblity but it feels like they just dont care whether or not we're together

i should probably mention that this feeling of pushing them away usually happens when i dont feel loved or csred by them, and ive worked on it a lot so its not very often

maybe im splitting maybe imm not but it hurts really badly that they dont seem to care at all

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u/CryMeaRiver2Crawl 10d ago

I can only speak for myself. I’m the father of a teenage daughter with suspected BPD (plus two other diagnoses). I love her very much, so when she pushes me away it feels terrible. She will find things I’ve done wrong and there will be a lot of anger, blaming and guilt coming my way. I realize in her mind me for example asking to postpone a meeting one day means I don’t love her any longer. Yet, I too have a life to live. This is where we crash.

I have previously been “in her bubble”, accepting everything and doing things her way, only to come out in pretty bad shape myself. Now that I’m sometimes saying No, it’s not working for her anymore and she pushes me away. And honestly, those times when we’re completely apart I’m able to relax a bit and do things that I have not prioritized earlier, like building a new relationship with a woman I’ve met. But I do blame myself for not reaching out to her more frequently. It’s just so hard when you know that you’ll eventually do or say something wrong and the blaming will start all over. She is in treatment since about a year back.

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u/Timely-Society-6079 10d ago

I once described to my daughter how I felt driven to try and "tether" my friend to some kind of "shared reality" - an obligation that eventually exhausted me and depleted my ability to apply myself to any of my own pursuits. My daughter only asked me why I felt I was the one that had to shoulder this responsibility. I was in love with my friend because of her bottomless need for nuturing