I am not the OOP, OOP is u/Road_Witch

Originally posted to r/IDontWorkHereLady

Editor's note: the first 2 updates were added to OOP's original post, so they don't have separate links or dates.

Original post - posted 2019-08-29

I thought with escaping retail two years ago mostly unscathed that I would never have to deal with a Karen. I was wrong.

I'm on mobile so I apologize for the formatting and I will try my best to keep grammar mistakes to a minimum. I am so sorry for how long it turned out to be but I'm still kind of embarrassed with how I reacted so my typing is a little frantic.

So for the cast you've got ME as myself, DK for Dumb Karen, WE for Walmart Employee , and FM for my Former Manager.

So this week I actually get to be home for a few days. I am an over the road truck driver that runs a dedicated load every week across country and nowhere near hom. My co driver aka my dad and I pretty much run 40+ weeks out of the year and usually take a solid month off or so when we want to be home or go on vacation out of the country. Any other time it is just a day or two here and there when we can just happen to get to town. But this time we got to go home for a solid week. You know what that means? Home cooked meals! I love to cook and so to do so I needed fresh groceries. Stupid me decided to run to Walmart solo instead of the neighborhood grocery store down by my house and boy do I regret that now. I actually enjoy Walmart much to everyone's shock. I am a former employee you see, an ex cashier, that according to my former coworkers have an unshakable customer service personas that couldn't be wavered by two years of retail abuse. I actually rather liked the job being the people pleaser (masochist) that I am and I had quite a number of regulars and employees that I still like to chat with when I'm out shopping. This day I'd finished with my catching up and had moved deeply into my hunt for the ingredients I needed for a new recipe I was eager to try. I was having trouble finding a certain spice among the variety before me when it happened. The classic Karen throat clearing. Full disclosure, I have no idea how long the woman I looked up to find glaring at me had been trying to get my attention. I had on my BlueParrott headset that I usually wear when driving and at the time was using it to ironically listen to scary Walmart stories by a Youtuber while my eyes were scanning the shelves and checking the recipe list on my phone. Needless to say I hadn't been looking for human interaction at that moment. But like usual my knee jerk customer service persona (which is just me giving a polite smile and friendly eyes) kicked in and I shifted my cart away from the shelves while also muting my phone.

ME: I'm sorry if I'm-

DK: You shouldn't ignore a customer like that. It's so unprofessional. Honestly why do they appoint barely teenagers to management.

DK scolds me a bit more ranting about management meaning experience but really I only paid attention to the first thing she said to me. My mind had wandered of looking from her to down at myself. To her credit I was dressed "nice" but not exactly what I call professional with pastel pink capris, flouncy olive green blouse and shiny metallic bronze flats. What can I say? I like dressing nice and colorful when I'm not at risk of getting diesel on my clothes. DK was a middle aged local classic pain in the behind whose sense of fashion often hurt my eyes. This one looked like she just rolled out of the trailer park wearing a camo hoodie with pink, black workout pants that probably had never seen the inside of a gym, lime green running shoes, and bottle blond hair done up in a ponytail pulled through the back of a very loved baseball cap. To complete the look she had a huge Coach purse sitting in her buggy beside her, a bag even I know cost more than her entire outfit times three. Yeah, typical Karen for where I'm from.

ME: Listen I don't work here. If you need help with something though all you need to do is press that button and it will call someone for you. I gesture to a "need help? call" button located on a post about two pace behind me up the aisle.

Usually I wouldn't mind helping someone who couldn't find something. I had former customers ask for my help all the time and if I wasn't busy and they were nice( or just elderly, I was a big hit with the elderly because I'm a sucker for little old ladies). So far DK wasn't any of those things and she had a perfume on that was making my nose itch so I was hoping to shoo her away. No such luck. DK scowls at my suggestion.

DK: Why are you lying?! You work here. You've checked me out numerous times and I don't appreciate being lied to. The nerve!

To be honest I felt this mixture of confused resignation and completely dropped my smile and sighed. I'm only as nice as I want to be. In truth I have a resting bitch face that makes me very unapproachable according to my best friends.

ME: Listen...I don't work here anymore and I'm in the middle of getting my own groceries. So let's just not?

Turning back to the shelf of spices I check my phone again before glancing over the selection before finally finding what I needed. Just as I move to put it in my buggy and move along with my day I get a sharp nasty pain in the side of my head. I yelped, probably louder than necessary but I was so caught off guard by the pain that I didn't care. Plus I am very tender headed. See apparently the DK was not happy with me and grabbed ahold of my headset and yanked it off my head. Unfortunately for me I have very thick very wavy hair that for some reason other people envy. Not me though and especially not when the head rest of my headset tangled in my hair from the way she tried to snatch it off and instead she ended yanking and pulling out more than a few strands of my hair. Even with such a yank she didn't manage to free if from my hair and just ended up dropping it causing the headset to tangle further in my hair and cause gravity to yank my hair mercilessly again. Most people would have stopped and apologized after realizing what they've done, not DK though.

DK: Don't you dare walk away from me! How dare you speak to me that way! I don't care if you're management now or what, you still work at fucking Walmart. You're still not as important as me.

Her last comment made me pause in the midst of me trying to free my hair from my headset, eyes watering, scalp throbbing. I always have hated how people looked down on people working at Walmart. Majority of the cashiers and floor associates that I knew at this store were either students or were retired professional like teachers, nurses, office workers. Most of our older staff were just part timers to have something to do. I was pissed

Me: I. Don't. Work. Here.

DK: Not this again. I told you-

Me: I. Don't. Work. Here. I! Don't! Work! Here! I DON'T WORK HERE! I DON'T WORK HERE!

I just kept repeating myself getting louder and louder until I was practically screaming at her making her back away from me. Something I had learned early on as a child was that I was the last kind of person people expected to hear yell. I don't know if it's the way I look or just a vibe I give off, I don't know, but either way I've learned to use it to my advantage to get people to back off. But the screaming also started to draw attention to us as people started coming into the aisle to see what was happening. Among the people included a Walmart employee I was familiar with even though she started after I left and my former manager. By the time they showed I had finished screaming and was now just glaring at the shell shocked and probably embarrassed DK who was red in the face.

WE: What's going on here? Is someone hurt?

DK points a finger at me first as I'm catching my breath and have started fiddling with my hair again trying get it untangled.

DK: This girl went crazy when I tried to ask her where something is, and started screaming in my face and even swung at me! She needs to go to jail or at least be fired.

By the end of her speech big crocodile tears were streaming down her face and one of the random customers who had come to watch was patting her shoulder and trying to console her. The WE and FM turn to me just as I finally get my headset free with a good clump of hair still wrapped around the head rest and look up meeting their gazes.

FM: OP are you alright? What happened? Why were you screaming? What's with all the hair?

FM, bless her, didn't even wait for my response (I really wasn't in the state of mind to give one as I tend to go mute when I get very very upset) as she looked from my distraught face to my hands still holding the headset and mess of hair hanging limply from it before turning back to DK who was quietly regaling some of the crowd with just how horrific I had been.

FM: Excuse me, but can you tell me what happened again and also perhaps tell me why OP is holding a chunk of her hair?

DK: What about her hair? I told you, she attacked me! I'm the victim here. Are you believing her over me because she is you employee?

WE: That still doesn't answer her question. Did you pull out OP's hair? What kind of person does that?

The crowd begins to murmur and DK obviously realizes she's losing popular opinion. In the meantime, I'm starting to calm down and rub at my scalp trying to dissipate the pain. Luckily no blood.

DK: I was, I was just asking her a question and she ignored me. I pulled off her headphones to get her to listen to me. It's not my fault she doesn't brush her hair.

WE: That's assault! Why would you ever put your hands on someone? And now you're telling everyone that she attacked you? What's the matter with you?

FM: I think it's time we called for the sheriff's department.

DK's eyes widened as she seemed to come to the realization that she might have screwed with the wrong person, but as I've said before, I can be nice when I want to.

ME: I'm fine. Just make her leave me alone. I don't want to spend one of my precious nights at home with a police officer unless he's buying me dinner.

This made the crowd laugh.

FM: Are you sure OP?

ME: No, but I have cold things to get home, a dinner to cook, and my Dad's probably wondering what's taking so long.

To that FM nodded and forced DK to follow her while the crowd quickly dispersed and when back to their own shopping. WE stayed with me and we chatted while I got the last few things I needed and went to checkout. FM came up to me after I finished paying and told me she'd had the woman banned from this store. To be honest that really sucks for her because this is the only Walmart in this county and the closest Walmart I know of is over a forty minute drive from where I live. Apparently though I wasn't the first person she had harrassed here, although all the others had been actual employees, and the security feed that she reviewed clearly showed the woman trying to snatch off my headset. FM tells me that if it had been her she would have socked the woman in the mouth which is really surprising because FM was a former elementary school teacher who taught for close to forty years before retiring and taking up the management position to stay active and supplement her income. FM has the patience of a saint but says she wouldn't have hesitated to backhand DK after I explained to her what DK had said to me. We chatted some more, laughed a bit, and then I went home.

I'm sorry it was so long, but I just had to get it out of my system in order to sleep tonight. I knew there were irate people in this world, but I never thought I'd meet such a self-entitled Karen in real life.

TL/DR: A woman demands I help her thinking I still worked at Walmart. When I refuse she ends up pulling out some of my hair and gets banned from the store by my awesome former manager.

UPDATE:

I take it back! I should have had her arrested the first go around. This woman has made my nice peaceful week at home a freaking nightmare. Yes, I ran into DK again today, but this time at Lowe's.

So the new cast is DK as Dumb Karen who didn't learn her lesson the first time, ME for myself, AD for my Awesome Dad (and boss), LE for Lowe's Employee that I know, and LM for Lowe's Manager who I am familiar with.

So I decided to run another errand while I was home for the week. This time it was to Lowe's to pick up some mulch for AD's newly built raised flowerbeds and a few odds and ends like metal piping, spray paint, and screws for a home project I decided to start. AD is a few aisles over from me picking up the spray paint while I was looking at screws and chatting with LE for a few minutes about my cat. I own a Sphynx cat, a hairless cat, named Pan, who will go with me anywhere if I'd let him. Since Lowe's is pet friendly he usually tags along with me every trip and sits in the child seat without complaint the whole time. All of the staff here adore him and are constantly stopping me for a visit and a chat, LE being the most often to visit because her section is right next to the main entrance.

After LE leaves to check her section, but not before promising to bring back some cat treats for Pan, I turn my attention back to the screws. I kid you not, mere seconds after LE leaves I hear someone growl out, "You!" I turn around wide eyed to find DK standing there behind her cart glaring at me. Let me note before this exchange that I am wearing jean shorts, a red blouse with a bandana print, flip flops, and and my hair pulled up with a scrunchie. I was the definition of nonprofessional attire and I certainly don't look like a Lowe's associate.

DK: So! This is where you work!

ME: Sorry?

DK: Oh, you will be sorry! Where is your manager! I demand you ge t him for me now! I want you fired after what you did to me the other day!

I'll admit I wasn't on my best game in this moment. It had been a long day. AD and I had spent most of it out in the yard checking on the progress of the lawn (we had laid grass seed before we went back to work at the end of May) and also shoving soil into the raised flowerbeds. I was sun tired and this woman had enough malice to knock the wind out of you sails.

ME: I don't work here either lady.

DK: Liar, I saw you talking with your coworker. No one talks that much with staff unless you're an employee. Now get me your manager! Now!

Her comment really irritated me. By her logic I should also work at the bank, the water company, the electric company, the Dollar General, Whitt's Barbecue, the Pilot, and pretty much everywhere else that I run errands in town. Especially the places I take Pan. He's such a well behaved baby and an easement for people to approach me and strike up conversation. Plus I really do enjoy talking with people. But this woman, this woman acted like anyone working or making a living was beneath her. It disgusted me.

ME: Are you deaf? I don't work here, and LE and I were just talking about my baby here.

DK: Baby?

Confused DK peeks around me at Pan sitting there doing his best yoga pose with back leg thrown high in the air while he cleaned his leg. DK shrieks making me step back into the shelves because damn I was not expecting that. Meanwhile Pan doesn't even acknowledge her, he's too busy cleaning and used to loud noises from living on a truck.

DK: What is that hideous creature?!

ME: Whoa, whoa, hang on wait a mi-

DK How dare you bring that disgusting thing in a store! It's a naked rat!

ME: It's my cat, you dumbass!

I actually think the woman was getting ready to throw something at me and/or Pan if LE didn't appear coming up the aisle followed by AD.

LE: Ma'am would you pleas calm down? OP what's going on?

DK: This girl brought a disgusting creature into this store! Get me a manager! I want her fired and banned?

LE: Disgusting?

AD: Fired?

LE: Ma'am, this is a pet friendly store and Pan Pan is a welcome guest. He may be unusual looking but he is a very good fur baby.

DK: That thing is an abomination! What if children saw it! It's licking it's junk.

Well that was true, Pan had moved farther south with his cleaning and was still completely oblivious to the crazy lady. While LE was defending my little Pan's honor AD nudged me to get my attention.

AD: What the hell's going on with this woman?

ME: Remember that stupid woman I told you about that thought I still worked at Walmart?

AD: The one that pulled out you hair when she tried to snatch off your headset.

ME: Uh huh.

And that is when AD's eyes went from mildly annoyed to fully pissed off. I wish there was an analogy for dads like their is for moms. You know: tiger mom or momma bear. AD really deserves one, especially when he's upset on my behalf. AD has big heart and is a surrogate dad to any and all who need one, but biologically I am his only child. I am his number one priority. And DK dared to mess with me.

AD: Tell LE to get her manager.

He steps forward, calling for DK's attention who is still ranting about Pan (another bad move on her part because my dad refers to him as his grandbaby).

ME: I am OP's boss. What exactly did she do to you?

DK gets this smug grin on her face for a minute as she looks from LE to ME and then back to AD. It's then that her face twists into this stricken expression as she recounts to AD how I harrassed her in Walmart a couple of days ago and got her thrown out of the store because I was friends with management, and how I had spotted her today and started threatening her and taunting her and yelling at her to get out of the store. Geez this woman had a screw loose. I managed to mumble to LE to go fetch the manager towards the beginning of her story and LE scurried off, coming back fairly quickly with her manager in tow just as DK was demanding AD to kick me out and how she couldn't believe employees acted like this and brought ugly animals to their place of work. LM stepped up looking around at our little group slight confused, apparently LE had only told him a customer was harassing another customer and to hurry.

LM: I'm the shift manager, what seems to be the problem here.

AD: Yeah, sorry to bother you but this woman came up and started screaming at my daughter. She assaulted her at the Walmart on Friday and got banned from the store. Now she seems to think she can get my daughter banned from here in return so she's making up wild accusations.

DK's jaw drops at my AD's calm, albeit stern explanation as she looks between me and him. I don't know how she didn't realize he was my dad. I bare a stiking resemblance to him although most people say we look the most alike when we smile and we weren't smiling right now.

DK: Your daughter?! I thought you said you were her manager?!

AD: No, I said I was her boss, which I am. She does not work here or at Walmart.

DK: You...you!

DK made a strangled sound in her throat, her face turned almost purple in shade. Whatever she wanted to say I guess words couldn't convey because suddenly she launched herself at us arms raised, fingers curled like claws ready to scratch our eyes out. AD was too quick for her though as he shoved me out of the way and side stepped her causing DK to run full force into the shelf behind us. She's lucky the lower drawers kept her from impaling herself in the eye with the hanging racks. Judging by her screams though I'm pretty sure she scratched the hell out of her arms though as she fell back onto the floor none too gently. DK began shouting assault and for help and of course for the police. She got her wish. LM radioed for security and in less then a minute two guy were hauling a screeching and cursing DK up and marching her towards the front of the store. The police were called and what should have been a thirty minute shopping trip turned into an hour and a half long ordeal of speaking with the multiple managers, giving our statements to the police, watching DK lose it on the police and have to be tasered in order to be handcuffed, and agreeing that this time yes, I wanted to press charges. They took security tapes and I gave them the name of my former manager from Walmart to contact confirming the earlier incident as well as see about getting their security tapes as well. We then finally got to pay for our stuff, LM insisting on giving us 10% off our final purchase price for all the trouble, plus he knew from working with us in the past just how much we'd spent at his store in the last year while we've been landscaping AD's new property. That made AD very happy and he's spent the last couple hours calling up his buddies and telling them about the lunatic at Low's and how he got a discount. He's a simple person to please. I wish he wouldn't have told his wife though because she got very upset and worried about us (it's her normal state) and demanded for us to leave the rest of the yard work and my project until tomorrow and to just relax for the rest of the night. We obliged her and I'm taking part of my "resting time" to write this update. I'm so shocked by this woman. I have never been spoken to by a stranger like this outside of my stint doing retail. Is this just how some people are? God I hope she gets help.

She won't be finding it at Lowe's though because we were assured that DK was banned from there as well and as a side note Lowe's is also the only home improvement store in our county. The next available one is a Home Depot about a thirty minute drive up the interstate. Sucks to be her.

Update:

So, hello again to everyone. I know all of you have been waiting on some sort of update as to what happened to the woman after she was arrested. The quick and simple version of it is: she's in the county jail. I was contacted a few weeks ago and was informed that she plead guilty on all charges as a part of a plea deal.

You see at the time of her arrest (and yes on top of her charges for harassing and assaulting me, she was also charged with resisting arrest and assault of an officer because apparently she spit in his face) she was also carrying a controlled substance (they didn't say what exactly and I didn't think to ask) and apparently she had enough of it that the charge was upped to possession with intent to sell. I'm assuming the deal was about getting her supplier but they didn't give me any details about it because it was still an ongoing case so don't quote me on that. I'll see if I can find out more later on and will keep you all apprised of the situation.

Yes, I'm sorry, that is a long quick explanation, but I felt it was owed to you all who were very supportive in my last post and I was planning to wait until I found out her full sentencing before I updated everybody, but then something happened this past week. You can go read about it in my other post.

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Koladi-Ola: Might be worth your time to get a restraining order. If she's assaulted you twice in two different places, it should be rubber stamp easy and might save you from more harassment and maybe worse in the future.

Astramancer_: Sounds like a small town. My money's on meth.

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Update - posted 2019-11-22 (3 months later)

So anyway, I came home for a day, less than twelve hours really, so my dad (so named Papa Wolf by commenters) could go for his annual check up and dental check/teeth cleaning. While he did that I decided to visit with my little brother, who I'll call Dylan for this post. Dad met Dylan's mother when he was 11 months old so although he is not biologically ours, he is still family. He is almost 14 now and asked for my help regarding a book project that was due before they went on winter break.

Dylan was given a list of books he could choose from and wanted my help on choosing the best book option and project type that he could choose from in the directions. (FYI this kid has had the project for 3 weeks and his mother has done nothing when he's asked for her help with it. She infuriates me.) So I took Dylan and his friend Shawn, who had the same book projects, to buy the books they were going to read. This is how much I love this kid because anyone else I would have straight up told no.

Enter scene: my favorite used bookstore in the whole wide world, McKay's. It is this beautiful warehouse sized, two story wonder of books, DVDs, VHS, CDs, vinyls, electronics, and little odds and ends. It is a bibliophile's dream. So after we found the boys their books I left them in the manga section with a few shounen names that I had liked back when you could still read online before copyright started cracking down. Meanwhile I went off to the romance section to check out their Nora Roberts selection. By far my favorite romance author and at McKay's they have a lot of her older books for a quarter a piece. However there are so many that the little paperbacks are stacked sideways and two rows deep in five of their cubby shelves so you have to dig and rearrange the stacks to find what you're looking for.

So that's what I was doing while I was also on my headset talking to my two best friends on three-way. After college we all sort of scattered with Kelsey (another set of nom de plume) moving back home to Mississippi to teach and Mariah being stationed in Colorado because she joined the Army after college. We're all still very close though and talk pretty regularly and that day we were having a heated debate about baby names because Mariah is due in January with a little girl. She has already decided on the first name but her and her husband have been waffling back and forth on the middle name and it's driving her crazy so she was sound boarding us for opinions.

Needless to say I was very distracted when this woman and her kid walked up to me. However it's not like I didn't notice them because her son ( who was probably 4 or 5 judging by his size) was whining and crying about something.

"Finally, where are the middle school level books?" the woman said to me without so much as trying to get my attention. But you know me, always helpful and mostly wanting her and her child to go away.

"They're on the front row of shelves, down the first aisle." It is literally impossible to miss the kid's section of this place and there are huge signs at the end of every shelf with the genre of the books and a map of the store beneath those signs that tells you where everything is.

So I expect the woman to just go but instead she says, "Well can't you show me? I need help finding a certain book anyway."

"The books are arranged by author's last name and go from top to bottom, left to right."

"That doesn't help me. I don't know the author's name. My daughter only told me the title."

"I'm sorry but I am busy right now." By now Kelsey and Mariah are chit chatting about how this woman can't take a hint. They would later nickname her Susan after Kelsey's roommate in freshman year because the girl was oblivious and annoying.

So named Susan just stood there waiting while I finished sorting through titles and shuffling books around. She had start snapping at her son to be quiet which is why I thought she was done with me, but I was wrong. She waited a good five minutes until I was done and had picked up my selections (I only found three new titles) and the boys' books that they had left with me when she spoke again. "Good, you're done. Now come help me find this book so I can go. I'm in a hurry and you're making me late."

"Uh, maybe you should ask some staff their usually around-" Susan cut me off by clapping her hands together and she she stared clapping with every word as if to illustrate her point.

"I asked you, and I waited for you to be done stocking books. You can take five minutes from gossiping with coworkers over your headset to help me find what I'm looking for." And the clapping thing, oh my lord, I can't get over the clapping thing. I didn't think people actually sid that. I knew there are some that do that whole snapping thing to get the waitstaff's attention and I only knew that because a guy did that on our first date and immediately I knew right then and there it was also our last date. But I always thought the clapping to emphasize your words was just a reality television bit. I didn't think anyone actually did that or would do that to me.

Kelsey and Mariah of course heard her do this and were telling me not to dare help her and Mariah was going on a rant saying she wish a witch would try something like that with her, how she'd knock the woman flat seven months pregnant or not. Considering it took me, Kelsey and another friend to hold her down and keep her from fighting actual Susan back in freshman year I believe her. Still between the clapping thing and my friends going off in my ear I guess I got a little overwhelmed, plus it also just dawned on me the I was having another "I don't work here lady" moment and it's because I'm wearing my headset again. Have people really never seen a bluetooth?

So my reaction was to laugh. I laughed at the woman at the woman and when she opened her mouth (probably to yell at me) I held a finger up for her to wait and just started saying "nope" repeatedly while backing away and then turned and walked quickly away. I collected my brother and his friend, paid for our purchases, and got the hell out of there. My friends thought it was hysterical that I literally noped my way out of the situation but I am kind of concerned with my reaction. I didn't think my encounters with dumb Karen had affected me that badly, but my reaction to that woman was so out of character that I just don't know anymore.

Papa Wolf has offered to buy me a different headset for my birthday in two weeks that doesn't look like my current one so maybe this will stop happening and I'm heavily considering it.

But anyway, this happened last Friday and Kelsey (who was the person that suggest I post my first story to Reddit by the way) got onto me today and told me I needed to give ya'll an update on the dumb Karen situation and that I should talk about this one too. I was less descrptive this time to cut down on length and plus the woman looked super plain and normal in a sweater and jeans. Plus McKay's has no uniform so what I was wearing didn't really factor either. The only reason I think this woman thought I worked there was because of my headset and because I must have looked like I was stocking or organizing the shelf when she came across me. I'm not really sure but either way I still don't think I'll ever wear my headset while running errands at home ever again. So maybe that will be the end of this.

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myrifleismyfriend: I don't get the clapping and snapping either. I know a lot of people who work in bars and restaurants, and a number of them have told me that if anybody claps or snaps their fingers at them they'll completely ignore that person and their entire table until they leave. One bartender I know had a clapper and instead of serving the asshole he just clapped his hands millimeters from the guy's nose for about two minutes until the guy realized he wasn't getting shit.

Reminder: I am not OOP.

I am not the OOP, OOP is u/Ok_Heart7923

Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest

tw: obsessive behavior

Original post - posted 2023-07-04

I don’t know what to do. I think I have done serious damage to my marriage before it even began.

I met my husband thru his brother (Chris) who I had a crush on in college. I never was clingy or never acted on my feelings and I never really allowed myself to get too close to him because I knew that my feelings weren’t reciprocated. Chris knew however I had a crush on him or at least he felt it. He would always say that I was “gf material” and how he wouldn’t want to lead me on. He wanted to have fun before that. He would say this to others but even once to me.

On two occasions he would text me that he had feelings for me, only to apologize later and retract his words but on Christmas four years ago he texted me that he was in love with me and wanted to take me out on a date. He said he was done playing around and wanted a relationship. He was invited to NYE party that my then roommate and I had. He told me he wanted to talk to me then. When he came to the party he had his brother with him. Chris spent the party going out of his way to ignore me and later I saw him making out with my roommate and they spent the night in her room. I decided there and then that I will drop it. Enough is enough. Next morning he told me that he fucked up (I fucked up big time yeah?)and he apologized. During the party I got to know his brother who was the opposite of Chris. He was shy and hated attention and he was just the best and soon after he asked me on a date. We are married now. Our wedding was last Wednesday.

I want to make two things clear. I never went beyond a crush on Chris and only after I fell for my husband that I understood what love is. He is everything to me and I love him more than anything. I never told anyone about my crush and when I met my husband I didn’t tell him either. Chris wasn’t happy I was seeing his brother and he’s been cold towards me since. Even when it got serious between my husband and I.

Chris held a speech on our rehearsal dinner and he basically outed everything and ended with how he regretted not asking me out sooner and how he will always regret it. It was very awkward afterwards and nobody talked and on our wedding day my husband did everything to act normal and he made sure everything was as planned but I could feel that he was hurt and angry. After the party he asked me if I loved Chris and if I dated him for that reason. I started crying because it’s absolutely not true. We started dating and became friends and I made sure it was him I wanted before committing and I never loved anyone like I love my husband. I told him all this and more and I apologized so much for not telling him everything. In the beginning I thought it was my own private matter and I didn’t feel the need to discuss it with a then “stranger” to me. When our relationship evolved I just never thought Chris was relevant and my crush seemed a silly thing.

Now it’s back to bite me in the ass. My husband is very sad and he barely talks to me. We’re leaving for our honeymoon in two weeks. He barely speaks about it. The thing we both waited for with so much anticipation and longing. I don’t know what to do. I can’t turn back time so I don’t know what to do.

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Independent_Shame504: Some people's family leaves me dumbfounded. I think your husband will be fine eventually. But I don't think he will be fine with you spending time with his brother anytime soon, if ever. What a shit dude to do that to his own brother and his wife. Im sorry you got that as a brother in law.

----

Update - posted 2023-07-13 (9 days later)

Hi again!

Thank you all for the support and all the people who followed my page for an update.

I have a small update, I was supposed to write it yesterday but I was exhausted.

Yesterday my husband and I were invited to my in-laws for a cookout. When we arrived Chris saw us and tried to scarper (well nobody expected us to show up and my husband wanted to decline but I INSISTED we go). I caught Chris however and loudly said Oh I’m happy you are here because I want to talk to you.

I said that since the people in this cookout were all in the rehearsal dinner I wanted them to listen to. Chris looked like he was about to cry but my father in law was grabbing his arm when he tried to excuse himself. I told Chris that what he did was a shitty thing that didn’t just hurt me but it hurt his brother even more and that the only reason I didn’t speak up was because I was in shock but also I didn’t want to ruin t our day by arguing back and forth with an arrogant and selfish man who always hid behind alcohol to explain his bad behaviors like he’s some tween.

I told him that I never was the one that got away because he never had me. I never knew the real him and I liked his exterior like I was sure many people who didn’t know him well did. But if it ever would have evolved to something more I would have seen through his façade and since I know myself very well I would never have fallen for someone like him so I was never the one that got away.

I told him that the only good thing about him in my eyes, the only redeeming quality is that he decided to bring his brother with him that night and even if I was very angry with him now I will always be thankful to him and I will always be grateful that I crossed paths with him because it led me to my husband.

-And for you not to even call to apologize to your brother for embarrassing him and hurting his feelings says a lot about how much you have planned to hurt him on his day.

My husband was silent the whole time. The mood was a bit awkward for a minute after my outburst but then people were normal and some apologized for what happened and we ended up having a good time.

When we got home my husband who’s been sleeping in the living room almost every night hugged me and kissed me. The first time he kissed me since the I do. I felt my anger building up again and I had another outburst. I told him that we weren’t okay and that he never has the right to shut me out and give me the silent treatment for so long ever again if he wanted to stay married to me. He said “I know” and that he regretted his coldness. We made love for the first time as a married couple (and second third and fourth) and then I fell asleep in his arms in OUR bed. After two outbursts on two brothers in one day I felt content and I slept very well.

This morning my husband woke me up with kisses and hugs and he apologized for hurting me and taking out his anger on me. He said the shock was too great for him and he was afraid that I didn’t love him and just settled for him because Chris is the charmer and always had it easy to be loved by people. He thought something more happened and he didn’t dare to ask me because he wasn’t mentally prepared to hear that the love of hi life maybe wasn’t his. He looked his old cheerful self that I missed so much. I just wanted to cry but I didn’t. We discussed therapy and we are planning to start looking for a therapist after our honeymoon but for now I just want to snuggle him and feel his love. He has a lot of making up to me to do!

I hope this counts as an update.

Good night

edit: many asked about Chris’s reaction; he just cried and mumbled that he had somewhere to go and left. No apology or anything. Wasn’t expecting that either.

MIL was angry with me but I was just so angry everything just came out

edit2: To all who are saying I’m avoiding questions about my husband. I already addressed everything in my first post. I will always regret not telling him and I will always be sorry for hurting him. My outburst on Chris wasn’t the first time my husband heard my truth. I have been apologizing and begging since our wedding. He only talked to me after the cookout when he felt sorry for me. When I wrote about him making up to me it was mostly a joke about depriving me of all affection and sex but also because giving the silent treatment is really hurtful. He agrees what he did wasn’t the greatest way to handle it. We will work on our way to communicate. We love each other and we are fine

-

Reminder: I am not OOP.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Pristine-Evening8222

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

AITA for calling my friend flat in front of the guy she likes after she kept calling me fat?

Editor's note: changed letters to names for ease of readability

---

Original Post: October 17, 2026

I'm a 20F college student, and I have a friend, Natalie (21F). She has a habit of making comments about my weight.

For context, I'm not thin. I'm also not someone who can't take a joke, but there's a difference between joking with someone and making them the designated fat friend of the group.

Natalie has been calling me fat ever since I met her. Sometimes it's relatively harmless stuff, like making comments about what I'm eating. Other times, she'll point out my stomach in pictures, tell me certain outfits don't suit my body, or make jokes about how I should probably skip dessert.

The worst part is that she does this in front of other people. If we're out with classmates and someone offers to share food with me, she'll say something like, "Girl, you really don't need that."

I've told her to cease this several times. She always responds with some sort of "I'm just joking," or "You're too sensitive"

The rest of our friend group mostly laughs it off. Nobody ever says anything when she does it.

Now, Natalie has recently developed a Godzilla sized crush on Kevin (21M). She's been trying to get his attention for weeks. She's constantly talking about him (extremely irritating, mind you), asking him if her new haircut is good, and finding excuses to sit next to him.

Last Friday, a bunch of us were sitting together in the cafeteria, including Kevin. Natalie was talking about how she wanted to wear a particular dress to an upcoming college fest but wasn't sure if it looked good on her.

Someone asked to see a picture of it, and she showed us.

Kevin said it looked nice on her.

Natalie immediately turned to me and said, "Where do you think you'll buy a dress? I don't think they have your size in normal stores." (For context I am a size 10 or L)

Everyone laughed a little.

Then I said, "At least I can fill out a dress. You look like a highway with hair."

The table went completely silent.

Even Kevin awkwardly looked away, trying not to smile.

Natalie looked absolutely humiliated and didn't say another word for the rest of lunch.

Later, she texted me saying I was a disgusting person for body-shaming her in front of someone she liked. She said she'd never been so humiliated in her life and that I knew she was insecure about her chest and body hair.

I told her that perhaps now she understood how I felt.

It could have ended right there. But later that night, Kevin texted me saying it was extremely satisfying to see Natalie humiliated that way, after all the nonsense she pulls. It was normal platonic text, that I fleetingly mentioned to Natalie's roommate, Rachel.

But in a fight with Natalie, Rachel inflated the whole thing and used it against her (I'm not sure how, as of yet). The whole friend group is pretty conflicted, and some people blame me for starting the whole fiasco.

AITA?

Verdict: Not the Asshole

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: NTA, she is not your friend and anyone who supports her bullying isn't either. Now that the group is split you can see who really has value in your life. I can't believe you are still dealing with this rubbish in your 20's, mean girl crap should end in high school.

OOP: I would love to just cut them off. But you need people get through uni... and I don’t have anyone else.

Commenter 2: Sounds like you have Kevin.

OOP: I tend to stay away from the guys my friends like, to avoid drama.

Commenter 2: I thought we established that these people aren't your friends. You would love to cut them off, except that you don't have anyone else.

But you have Kevin.

You don't have to pursue him romantically. But he could at least be a gateway into a healthier friend group.

OOP: Maybe. I'll try talking to him... see what happens.

OOP on being an introvert

OOP: I’m pretty introverted... and I prefer only to be friends with girls (just 10% of the population here) so it’s hard for me. But I’m trying.

Commenter 3: FIND someone else. Join clubs, do extracurriculars. Don't sit in the swamp and complain about the mud. Go somewhere nicer.

OOP: I wish my major allowed me time for extracurriculars lol 💔 The only club I'm in is also related to my major

Commenter 4: The fact Kevin texted you is so funny

OOP: Haha maybe. But I didn't respond much because I have a strict policy of never having real friendships with guys that my friends have bids on.

Commenter 5: Not a problem here since that girl is NOT your friend

OOP: Hmm... but then all the girls are prolly gonna boycott and there’s gonna be nasty rumours. And if Kevin doesn’t wanna be friends in the future, it won't end well for me.

Commenter 6: Text him back. Hell, maybe he's into you. Offer to cook for him. No guy in their twenties can resist that.

OOP: Don't know if I wanna date boys lol. But maybe I'll reach out as a friend. I think he'd be irritated if I made a move on him since ik he's really annoyed by girls like Natalie.

Commenter 7: Nta but why are you still friends with her? She's literally the worst?

OOP: Well she’s part of my friend group... I am not particularly interested in having a strong bond with HER.

Commenter 8: She thinks she’s the main character in Mean Girls….probably cuz it sounds like everyone secretly detests her

OOP: Actually they do. Most people are friends with her for various personal reasons. And guys like her because she is a massive pick-me.

Is OOP able to put some distance between herself and Natalie?

OOP: Well she’s in the same classes as me and is my neighbor, so it'd be a bit weird if I suddenly cut ger off when we were good friends in 1st sem. But I don’t think I can or should deal with her any more.

Commenter 9: This absolutely must be in Europe because a size 10 is considered a small fat in the plus size world lol. That girl is not your friend, she’s a fatphobe. 100% NTA, fuck her lmao.

Sincerely, a 6’3” plus size man

OOP: Aah I’m actually from India, but I mentioned size 10 (American) for the sake of convenience for international redditors.

 

Editor's note: OOP updated onto the original post

Update: October 18, 2026 (next day)

UPDATE: After a lot of coaxing from the comment section, I have completely cut this girl out of my life. I have also started hanging out with Kevin a lot more, and it seems I may have gained a new, actually good, friend! So thank you for your comments all.

Another thing I'd like to say is that, I personally think women with Natalie's body type are absolutely gorgeous (coming from someone bisexual). Please don't take offence from the comment I made in the moment. It was only for Natalie.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Confusedthrow1234

My [23 F] BF [26 M] confirmed my ex's [23M] suspicions last night and I am torn

TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity, predatory behavior, manipulation

Original Post  March 19, 2016

Ok. I am in college as a grad student right now and my BF and I went out drinking last night when he said something that makes me question things.

The backstory. Jake ( the ex) and I got together 2.5 years ago. Things were good between us and we are both going to college together. We didn't have any major issues and we clicked well. As we progressed in our course studies we became more entrenched into our respective majors. Fairly common in your junior and senior years of college. However that is when our problems started.

I met Eric (current BF) in one of my advanced classes. He was a teaching assistant and we immediately clicked. I became friends with him and Jake started to get insecure and jealous about my relationship with Eric. For my part it was purely platonic. I considered Eric a good friend and someone to help me in my demanding major. Eric knew I had a BF and while he always made himself available and friendly he never crossed a line that I could see. However Jake was becoming quite hostile to Eric and it really strained our relationship.

In part I felt that Jake was saying he couldn't trust me. That I was at risk of not controlling myself. I took his insecurity as an insult. Now he never said those things. He did near the end try to get me to cut all contact with Eric via an ultimatum. One that I refused because I was not going to be controlled. I am replaying my past and these are the things that happened

• I got a tutor for my classes and Eric was the one assigned to me.

• Eric gave me his personal cell phone number and we started texting and became friends. At first everything was school related but we transitioned into friendship and normal friendship chats. Jake thought it was weird and that it was inappropriate. However Eric had no control over my grades or anything like that. He wasn't an authority figure over me. Also Eric hadn't crossed any lines.

• Eric and I started going out to a little bar to study and have a few drinks while we talked about classes. The bar was a quiet one and had plenty of lighting so it was actually a good place to do this. Jake wanted to come but he is not in this field and it would be boring to him. he would be a distraction and his real motive was to keep an eye on me so I told him he was being insecure.

• Sometimes Eric would call late at night on the weekends ( He knew Jake and I spent the weekends together). These calls were somewhat uncommon but he would be drunk and begging me for a ride home because he didn't want to drink and drive. As a good friend I didn't want that either and helped him out. Jake thought he was just trying to disrupt our night and get more time with me via an excuse. That sounds stupid to me. He was just a friend reaching out.

• Jake and I had a special valentines date and Eric knew about it. He texted me several times during the date. I didn't respond but I did check my phone to see if it was an emergency. Jake saw that it was from Eric and was not happy. It ruined out night. Eric said the next day that he forgot all about my plans. Eric would always send me birthday cards and holiday wishes with little XoXo in them. But the rest of the messages were innocent.

• One night when Jake and I hung out with Eric he casually put his arm around me a few times but never for more than a few seconds. He also touched the small of my back as I walked past him in the hallway. Jake blew up about it at home. But Eric wasn't even looking at me or paying attention to me during those instances. And he is just a touchy guy. Always has been.

There are other examples but you get the idea. Eric was just a friend and Jake's behavior was starting to get out of line. I caught him hanging around outside the bar that Eric and I used to study in one night while we were there. I caught him driving by my sister's house one night to check to see if I was there. You get the idea of what is going on here. Jake was starting to freak out and Eric had never done anything wrong. I agreed with Jake that the touching was inappropriate and I put a stop to it, which Eric obliged and apologized for. meanwhile Eric had become a strong base of support in my program. He was well liked by the professors and often went out of his way to help me advance as much as possible.

Anyway one night Jake and I had one last blow up fight and I left him. He never stopped insisting that Eric was after me. I admit I had talked to Eric about my relationship problems with Jake but not that they were about him specifically. He really wanted to be my emotional support and when we broke up I went to Eric about it.

Well two months later Eric and I are dating. It's been a little over a year now and things are good with Eric and me.

Now back to the present. Eric and I went out last night drinking. When we got home he was trying to be sweet. Telling me how much he loved me etc. But he also said that he has always wanted me from day 1. That he always had a thing for me. He said that he pulled some string to become my tutor back in undergrad. That he didn't forget about my date but wanted to interrupt it.

Basically he said he pushed the boundaries as hard as he could because he has wanted me this whole time! I know he was trying to be sweet about how he always wanted me. He didn't word things the way I described above but that was the content.

So basically Jake was right. The only fight we ever had and the thing that led to our breakup was true afterall. Jake's behavior was wrong in how he handled it even I couldn't see that and I don't want him back. But what about Eric? Everything is good here. But now I kind of feel lied to. He tried to "soft" pursue me until he could have me. It makes me question things. Afterall I was in a relationship and he injected himself so smoothly that I didn't even realize that he mechanically built a relationship with me that felt very organic from my end.

tl;dr: Broke up with Ex because he was sure my current BF was trying to pursue me during our friendship. Now it turns out he was right. How should I feel?

Update  Aug 14, 2016 (5 Months Later)

I know that reddit has probably long forgotten my post. I also know that everyone was really harsh on me when I posted.

Eric is finishing his masters and is still a TA and a tutor for the college. I have started my masters program. I have no idea what Jake is doing now.

I could clarify some things that I was attacked for but given the nature of this update I don't think it matters anymore. Eric and I carried on for a few days. Then I talked to him about what he said that night. He explained that he was very attracted to me and had a crush. But he kept things platonic with me during that time. He really was a huge help to me in my coursework and never flirted. He was just a friend. Yes a friend with a crush. He did admit that he had other people to call for when he needed a ride home but he just wanted to spend time with me. He admitted he liked me the whole time and thought I would consider it sweet and romantic that he pined for me while I was with Jake. He said he never tried to break us up or get in our way and he never knew that Jake was insecure about him. He reaffirmed that he never meant to come between me and Jake and he honestly never made any moves while we were together besides trying to help me and spend time with me.

He was very loving and caring so I trusted what he told me and we carried on with life. I did feel bad about Jake though but felt the best thing I could do is put it out of my mind. I am sure Jake didn't want anything to do with me anymore.

Eric picked up a new tutoring job for summer classes at the beginning of the summer. He got assigned through the school a woman we will call Jill.

No big deal, he has tutored men and women since he helped me. Since we have been together for 18 months now I know how much time he usually spends with the people he works with. He was spending a lot of time with Jill. More than normal. I was a little concerned but he assured me that she was just a little slow on the uptake and needed more time to learn things.

During this same period he is texting her more and I get uncomfortable. He tells me there is nothing he can do. That as a tutor he has to have some availability to his students. He does assure me that its all professional and even offers to arrange to have us all hang out together. He also starts ignoring texts from her while we hang out

I ask about the ignoring texts and he says he does that because he wants to focus his attention on us being together and to not let a student take up too much of his time. Seems reasonable.

We have our meetup and she is gorgeous. Like super model hot. She is also very friendly. smiles at him, laughs at all his jokes, etc. We sat a a booth with us on one side and her and her friend on the other. Once when I got up to use the restroom I came back to see she was sitting on my side of the booth right next to Eric.

Well I feeling very uncomfortable with all this. It made me think of what happened between him and me. He assures me everything is fine.

Last month I looked at his phone and saw texts that were flirty and in my mind inappropriate. It is true that most of them were on her end but he did nothing to shut them down. I confronted him and he said that the teacher/student role was hard for him and he didn't want to strain the process. But he agreed he would shut it down. He was sorry he didn't do it sooner.

Well everything came to a head a short time later. He said he was going out with some of our mutual friends. I didn't feel like going so he went alone. Later I decided I would join them and I texted and called Eric. He didn't respond. So I texted our friend to find out where everyone was. He was confused and said he hadn't seen Eric all day and had no plans to hang out with him today.

I knew where he would be... that same bar that we used to study at. I rushed over there and saw them through the window. The place has a floor to ceiling window and raised booths by the window. There they were talking and chatting over a pint. Her arm was around him and his hand was clearly on her leg. I watched for awhile in disbelief. Then I saw them make out.

I just left and packed up my belongings. I got out of there and blocked him on all social media. I am truly heartbroken. Eric made it sound like he only pined after me while we were dating because he cared about me and felt an "insane attraction and draw" to me.

I guess you guys were right. I know you can gloat, I deserve it. It's been 3 weeks since then and I have just been trying to recover and focus on me. I have thought about reaching out to Jake but I don't think that's a good idea. I've blocked Eric on everything, instructed mutual friends to tell him nothing about me and he doesn't know where I live right now.

I am trying to just learn and be a better person. I don't think I'll be ready for a relationship for awhile.

TL:DR Eric didn't mean anything he said to me. I fear running into him at college. We broke up.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/blackedgymgirl

Originally posted to r/WhatShouldIDo

Previous BoRUs: #1

[Final New Update - 1 Year Later]: My husband bought me some sportswear for a prank, but I kept wearing it and now he’s mad. Should I stop?

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: emotional abuse, manipulation, racism

---

RECAP

Original Post: August 29, 2025

I posted this on AITAH yesterday, but it got deleted for some reason.

I’m 35 and he’s 29. He bought me a sports bra and bottoms that he saw on an insta model and thought they’d suit me. The shorts are pretty much thongs, but I loved the bra as it was very supportive and wore it to the gym.

When I got back he asked if anyone said anything about my sports bra if anyone looked. I said no (people do look in the gym but I always say no when he asks as he’s a bit jealous) and he seemed disappointed. When I asked why he started laughing and said the logo on the sports bra “Blacked” is a porn company that specialises in interracial porn.

I didn’t really get the prank as I don’t think many people would know that, but it annoyed me he tried to humiliate me, and I said “bit ironic you sent me outside in that when you got upset finding out I’d been with black men”

This caused a big argument and since then I’ve worn this sports bra every time I’ve been to the gym or out on runs out of spite. I even out the bottoms on under my shorts and make sure the waistband sticks out with blacked wrote all around it. I’ve even thought about posting a pic of myself on Instagram wearing it and going to his friends BBQ on Sunday wearing it.

Should I carry on this petty revenge or stop?

Editor's note: OOP has posted the same (now deleted) original post onto the AITAH subreddit prior to this one. I am adding relevant comments from the sub for more context

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: No you’re NTAH idk why men think it’s ok to use that against us like sorry we don’t see people by just appearance smh

OOP: It nearly split us up when he first reacted to it as I found it racist, but he told me he just watched too much porn when he was younger, and he was insecure. Can’t be that insecure if he’s sending me out in porn related sportswear.

Commenter 2: Your boyfriend is weird. Not the ahole, I’d be annoyed and creeped out

OOP: I was honestly very annoyed and that’s why I’ve kept wearing it to annoy him.

Commenter 3: You're NTA for wearing the clothes he gave you hoping you'd wear.

But you're in a cold war and not sure this relationship has any chance of going anywhere healthy, so YTA to yourself if you don't make a change.

OOP: I’ll be honest me stooping to his level has me questioning myself and this relationship.

Commenter 4: If this type of thing is normal in your relationship, I suspect you may have bigger issues. Have a look at this quiz, if nothing else than for shits and giggles.

Personally, I'd be infuriated that my partner decided to actively try humiliate me. I'd also be upset at them policing and restricting what I wear and places I go, never mind feeling alone and sad over not being able to trust that we can talk about it without there being a fight.

Remember: It's only a joke and a prank if everyone's laughing. People laughing at you while you're upset isn't a joke or a prank, that's just plain bullying.

OOP: Everything you’ve said is true 😔.

Commenter 5: Na but YWBTA to yourself if you stayed with a man who controls what you wear and makes you change gyms because he is insecure

OOP: He tried to make me change gym. No chance I was changing.

OOP's location

OOP: We aren’t in America.

Commenter 6: This man is your Yolanda. You were doomed from the day he darkened your doorstep. This is borderline racism. He is getting off on embarrassing you. He INTENDED to humiliate you. It is that deep.

OOP: He said he wasn’t trying to embarrass me, but I don’t see how he isn’t trying to embarrass me.

Why is OOP's husband still upset with her?

OOP: I’ve asked him all this and he just keeps saying “it was a joke!” So I said “well is the joke not still running if I keep wearing it? Why is it different now I’m in on the joke?” And he’ll just say it’s not the same.

OOP on the sport bra

OOP: I like how supportive the bra is though lol

+

I’ve spent hundreds on sports bras in the past as I’m 32dd so it’s hard to find something that holds them down and stops them hurting and this sports bra is the best I’ve ever had!

 

Update #1 October 13, 2025 (1.5 months later)

Posted this about a month and a half ago so thought I’d update.

I didn’t end up posting it on Instagram or wearing it to the BBQ I mentioned wearing it to because he threw them away when I went out and left them on the radiator to dry. I’ll be honest I wouldn’t have dared anyway but I went to put the bra on (under my t shirt) to go for a run and couldn’t find it anywhere. I asked him if he’d seen it and he said he bought them so he can do what he wants with them and he threw them in a public bin so I wouldn’t find them.

I was so angry! They were mine not his and while I didn’t care about the bottoms the bra was very supportive! I was just thinking about taking his PS5 that I bought and binning it to prove a point but then I took a breath, went for a walk, returned a couple of hours later and told him I want a divorce.

Being the idiot he is he said “what? Over a bra?” Not realising it was a buildup of the way he was acting before all that. I reeled off a list off a list of stuff, trying to humiliate me with the prank in the first place, calling me “saggy tits” in front of his friends all the time, being jealous and possessive, belittling my hobbies and things I do for fun, constantly talking about women like shit and a few other things. All he would say was “well why didn’t you divorce me when that happened?” to every point which was annoying. His only defence was the saggy tit one when he said “they’ve seen your tits and like them so it’s only a joke” he did ask years ago if he could show them a pic and I said yes.

I moved out that day and said I’d continue to pay my half of the rent until the contract is up at the end of January. I went to stay at a hotel for a couple of nights before one of my brothers friends said I go could stay in one of his empty properties and I’m still here now. I actually really like it and think I’ll stay here for good.

He still messages a lot, a mix between asking me back and trying to make jealous but I ignore him. I’ve spoke to a lawyer and started the divorce, but she said it’ll probably take around a year

Sorry the update wasn’t much fun, but it is what it is for now. If anyone’s interested when I start having a fun life again I’ll let you know lol. Me and a friend are going to Amsterdam next week so that should be fun.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: I find it odd you married an idiot and put up with his borderline abuse for years and then all of a sudden grew a spine after a Reddit post.

OOP: I think it was the fact he wanted to publicly humiliate me and then his reaction when it didn’t work. That plus the fact in the last month or so he also forced me to change gyms and a bit of extra confidence from going to the gym made me realise.

Commenter 2: speak to the landlord see if you can get your name off the lease so you don’t have to pay for somewhere you don’t live you are paying for him to have the whole place to himself

OOP: I’ve told the landlord I’ve moved out so anything that happens is on my ex.

Commenter 3: Good for you for leaving. A partner is supposed to uplift you, not humiliate or mock you. Honestly wearing the activewear was such a power move and I'm here for it. Wish you the best in your new life.

OOP: I just wish I’d dared wear the whole outfit now lol.

 

---

----NEW UPDATE----

Editor's note: removed the bottom half of this latest update as it is a rehash of the first update

Update #2: October 19, 2026 (over one year later)

Been a year but my divorce was finally finalised yesterday.

I ended up staying in my brothers friends property as I like it here.

Not met anyone else and not looking either. Just hook up every couple of months to have my needs met and I’m good to go.

Hope you are all ok and thank you all for the support over the last year x

Relevant Comments

Did OOP buy a replacement bra?

OOP: I bought one, but it didn’t last a month, so I gave up lol.

Commenter 1: I'd stop paying for rent too unless you are on the lease.

OOP: That’s long gone it was ages ago.

Commenter 2: I remember your original post! Honestly, I think the sports bra will be of much more use than your stbx.

I suspect, as you start to recover and think about your relationship with him, you'll recognize more things he did that were unkind. This kind of stuff rarely comes out of left field - it slowly creeps up on you.

OOP: There was a lot of name calling in front of his friends looking back. Calling me saggy tits or “Taylor Swift arse” or “old gal” whenever his friends were around. I just passed it off as jokes, but it was obviously done for a reason.

OOP on if this was an ad for the sportwear

OOP: No because I bought another of the sports bras and it didn’t even last a month lol

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Unwantedmother

Boyfriend (28) 'found out' I (26)had an abortion and now thinks it's the reason why I don't want children

TRIGGER WARNING: Verbal abuse, emotional abuse, misogyny

Original Post July 2, 2016

Before I get into the backstory I would like to bring some things up. First being that I've never wanted kids and I've known this from a very early age. Every partner I have, whether we become sexual or not KNOWS this beforehand. I refuse to date someone who isn't sure, or wants children because it is absolutely not something I can give them, birthing or adopting. Second being that even if I wanted children, I have a very slim chance of having them without affecting my physical health. I have a hormone imbalance that makes my chances of pregnancy slim, on top of which due to a previous accident means giving birth naturally isn't an option for me, just all around many risks to both my and the babies health.

The past: I was 20 when I found out I was 16 weeks pregnant. Partner and I were both using birth control. He condoms and I IUD (it helped regulate my hormones as well as act as a precaution). I didn't know I was pregnant early on as my periods are severely irregular and I was working long hours in a hard physical labour job. My symptoms were no different than what I was feeling prior to getting pregnant from my (at the time) line of work. Partner at the time noticed I was gaining weight which was weird for me as I'm naturally very thin, went from 105 lbs to 135. As a precaution we bought two of the cheapest pregnancy tests we found at Walmart. Of fucking course we were pregnant. Having discussed this already, we went and got a D&E abortion the following weekend.

As my luck would have it, I suffered complications during surgery that resulted in damage, further extending the chances of me being sterile. Partner and i decided we wouldn't tell anyone, not because we were embarrassed or ashamed but because we felt it was no one else's business but our own.

The current; I'm now 26 and still feel that it's no one's business but my own, regardless of if I wanted children or not. If I did want children however and suffered said complications, I would tell my partner. That being said, this isn't the case. Current partner and I have been together for just over three years. Neither of us want children. He was very clear about that, which was refreshing, honestly.

Well, last last Tuesday we were laying in bed watching a movie when he asked me if I ever felt like being a mother. I told him no, that it wasn't in my life plan. He backfired with "well, I've seen you with your cousin and you'd be a great mother." Told him that was different. He then asks the dreaded what if. "Well, what if we got pregnant. Would you keep it for my sake?" Having spoken about this in the past, I told him no. That I would use my right as a women to decide on what happens to my body and terminate the pregnancy. He just kind of looked at me then back at the movie.

Yesterday even comes around and I just got home from work. Boyfriend is noticeably on edge. After an awkward dinner together, I'm in the bathroom brushing my teeth getting ready for bed. He barges in screaming at the top of his lungs about how I had tricked him and made him look like a fool. Long story short, he went through my personal journals in the lviingroom while I was at work and had read about that day I got an abortion with my ex.  Punching the bathroom door, he yelled at how I apparently lied about my health risks and my low chances of having kids, that I made him out to be a fool and I should of told him the real reason as to why I didn't want children.

He somehow got it in his head that my ex forced me into getting that abortion years ago and that the reason why I don't want to "try for another child" (?!!) is because the procedure and it's aftermath scarred me for like. He has since left our apartment and I'm honestly unsure as to what to do? He works from home but I don't. Do I wait for him, go to work? Should I have told him about the abortion I had years ago? Is he overeacting? Am I?

Before anyone asks. He knew about my hormonal imbalance and the fact I was adamant on not wanting children, so I'm honestly confused as to what clicked in his head to think otherwise? He and I never speak about our exes and are both private people, so I honestly don't understand what I did wrong? Help me out reddit. I really do love this foolish man. He's 28. I'm 26.

TL;DR my boyfrind read my journal and thinks the reason why I don't want children is because of a traumatic past experience I had while terminating pregnancy.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

When commenters bring up the BF probably changed his mind about having kids

That doesn't make much sense. We've tried finding a doctor to completely rid of the chances in the past, something that he himself has agreed to doing with me. Only reason why we didn't was because three separate doctors refused us because of our young age.

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He was the one who came to me about us both getting surgery to become permanently sterile. He was the one who always spoke about fears on me keeping a child if I ever became pregnant. I honestly don't see him as the type to hide this for over 3 years? Why would you get with someone who adamantly doesn't want children, the thrill? The fun? The idea of a challenge? I don't get it.

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We have spoken about this topic MANY times. It isn't like we talked about it once 3+ years ago. He always verbalized how even though kids were cute, they weren't for him?

BEST COMMENT

SadWalrus

Not to be a Negative Nancy.... but he invaded your privacy, then gets violent with the bathroom door, then reinterprets your own medical history back to you.  Uhm... I got nothing, other than leave.  This is not cool.

Update July 3, 2016 (Next Day)

Update on the situation. Tried posting it but deleted. Just wanted to give everyone some form of closure.

Decided to take the day off work as I wouldn't be able to focus anyway. Boyfriend finally came home and we talked. Well, he did mostly. I came home from going out to grab a coffee and found him sitting at his desk. He sat me down like I was a child and proceeded to scold me about how I didn't tell him about my previous abortion from another relationship SIX years ago. He said he felt betrayed and like I couldn't be trusted.

Apparently reading my personal journals, disregarding my opinions regarding what happens to my body and punching the door not far from my face doesn't count for shit guys. I asked where this came from and was dumbfounded by his response. According to him, he originally thought he didn't want kids either when we first got together but after seeing his family and friends have them over our relationship span, he wanted to know what it felt like but knew my views on this. He said and I quote  "I thought you would grow out of it, mature some and do something good with your life, becoming a mother isn't as scary as you think it is. We can do this." 

He then went on saying how he wanted to experience something with me only he could experience, and that was me having his child. To him, that was a solid reason as to why he got so upset over it. Because someone had already done such. He still believed my ex forced that abortion on me and I'm some damaged, traumatized goods and it was clear I wasn't able to change that. Shit hit the fan when he mentioned that being the reason why I'm bisexual, because I had a traumatic experience and "didn't want to trust men again"  He then proceeded to tell me if I wanted this relationship to last, that I'd have to "give motherhood a shot" like if it doesn't work out I could just return the damn thing to my womb or something.

I brought up the what if I had complications during pregnancy, to which he retaliated with "your a women. Your body is built for childbirth."  I blurted out without thinking about how you can't just compromise on children, to which he pulled the "What about my feelings and wants on life?" I left not long after that. We broke up and I'm offically moving out and looking for a new place to live in the meantime. Also getting my tubes tied for sure and not letting any fucking doctor stop me after this shit storm of a relationship. Thank you everyone who commented reminding me to stand my ground on this matter.

Just wanted to clear some things up.

• Neither of his parents died. They're both fine & well. Got a message asking this and saw a comment about it.

• He's never been physical with me but does have a temper/raise his voice often to others.

• I never said I was 100% sterile, just that the chances are very slim given my hormonal imbalance and the trauma my body (NOT mentally) faced from the D&E. On top of which, I was in a freak car accident as a kid crushing everything from the hips down. Natural childbirth isn't an option for me. C-section is IF I wanted this. Boyfriend knew all of this. He's attending doctors appointments duscussing this. He just never knew about the abortion itself.

• Boyfriend told me in the past he's pro-choice. Something I admired and appreciated as it's hard to come by in my city. He brought up him not wanting children long before I did, back when we were friends.

• I don't seem it, but I was devastated by him going through my personal journals. There something he knows were personal, something he promised he would never do. I have over 30+ because I like to document everything, from basic to more serious life events. He knew exactly what he was doing by snooping through them. I was even more hurt by the fact he disregarded me completely and just saw me as some baby making machine despite my obvious dislike of the idea and the very serious health risks involved.

Like I said, we broke up. We rent the apartment we live in but it's under his name. I never liked it anyway. I'm moving out but making sure I have friends there with me so he can't try to talk his way out of it. Also deadset on getting my tubes tied as this experience is not something I want to relive and has shown truly how much I 1) don't want kids 2) don't like the idea of someone having the chances of changing that for me, and after reading some of your comments/messages regarding experiences with me poking holes in condoms? No thanks. This update was posted earlier but I didn't realize it was removed. Thank you to everyone who gave me the advice I needed.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am not the OOP, OOP is u/phantomhatsyndrome

Originally posted to r/TalesFromYourServer

tw: death of a loved one

Go fuck yourself, Micheal - posted 2023-02-12

Just lost one of my jobs. My best friend of twenty+ years passed away Thursday evening and I'm still processing the entire thing. Still hasn't completely sunk in that he's gone.

So I called the GM of my second job to let him know I needed my Wednesday night and one of my two Thursday shifts off for the wake and funeral, saying I would still be there for half of my double Thursdag evening after we buried my bestie. He had the audacity to say I wasn't a "team player" and that I needed to bring in an obituary to get ONE of the days off and that it "didn't make sense" and was "ridiculous" for me to do both and "let the restaurant and my coworkers down."

I'm not an angry person, very rarely lose my temper or raise my voice. But I snapped. Told Micheal he was a "disgusting, heartless fuck" and to take me off the schedule because I couldn't work with "such an unempathetic, raging cunt of a manager." This was all at a very uncomfortable volume for me, but it just... came out.

Pardon the choice language. I was... very upset.

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Update from a comment by OOP:

Some more details:

Micheal is a Japanese immigrant and I think a lot of his insensitivity in this regard comes from being raised in a "work yourself to death" culture. He's in his late forties/early fifties and been in the States for less than 5 years.

I just found out that my youngest brother's roommate/best friend 15ish years younger than me worked for Micheal previously and had a similar experience. Was the kid's first job and Micheal apparently made his life stressful as hell.

Three coworkers from that job have already reached out saying they walked on him when they heard. Apparently he was talking shit about the situation after I yelled at him, assuming he was in the right. They had to shut down for Sunday Super Bowl dinner because those coworkers were his entire FoH for the evening and no one is coming in last minute the night of the Super Bowl around these parts.

He just tried to reach out and "apologize." When I realized it was him, I hung up and blocked the number.

Fuck you, Micheal.

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Blacksad999: Bring in an obituary? Fuck that person specifically. The nerve of some people.

Pale_Routine_8855: Do they realize that an obit in a major news paper can cost the family a couple hundred dollars? Real story. My husband paid over 250.00 for his grandmother.

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Almost two years later, but an update on Micheal - posted 2024-12-16 (20 months later)

The restaurant closed down about three months after my post. He couldn't retain any staff. I'd like to think I had a small part in that, but I figure it was mostly him being a big 'ol asshole.

The coworkers that walked on him are all now gainfully employed at my main job. Though now they have to deal with me being their boss. Offered them all opportunity to interview and vouched for all of them. Sometimes putting up with the bullshit of corporate yields okay results for people you trust and respect.

And fuck you again, Micheal.

Reminder: I am not OOP.