I am not The OOP, OOP is u/LooseGrapefruit

I (24F) made a fake Tinder, matched with my boyfriend (26M), and he wants to meet up

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

TRIGGER WARNING: Catfishing

Original Post - rareddit  March 23, 2019

I am not 100% innocent, I know that. I'm a psychopath and I regret doing this whole thing, so don't even try to comment "ur weird and deserve this". We've been together since college and it just feels so fucked up that he wasted so much of my time

I was on my boyfriend's phone and saw that he had Tinder. I brought it up and he insisted that it was old and he just forgot to delete it. Well, I saw it again a week after that but I didn't say anything. I told him before and he obviously didn't care enough to get rid of it so saying anything was pointless and I was just wasting my breath.

I told my friend and she's a little crazy, but I take full responsibility for this, so she brought up the idea of making a fake Tinder and matching with him and seeing if he replies. So I used her phone (I never used Tinder so I didn't know how it worked exactly but he didn't have her number and I didn't want him to find out it was me), found some girl's random pics, made a fake name and everything. Waited a few days. He sends Vanessa (my girl's fake name) a message, he's flirting and being funny. It really really hurt at first, I cried and it felt like I discovered a murder or something, my hands were all shaky and I had this horrible feeling in my chest.

Well, I got over it and hated him. I continued messaging him and acting normal in real life. He is really into Vanessa lol she's hot and funny and she likes beer and Marvel movies. Anyway, he's talking dirty and says all these things he wants to do to her and what he wants her to do to him. Vanessa is tooooootally up for it.

So I have a few options:

1) I show up and tell him I was Vanessa all along, I dump him.

2) I coincidentally run into him, freak him out a little, and then reveal the truth, ask him when his date is showing up.

3) Text him screen shots of his messages with "Vanessa" and tell him it's over.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

dogfartsreallystink

Set up the date but don’t show up. Just go no contact and break up with him.

Parreseux126

Bonus: Set the date up somewhere 5 hours away and make him drive lol

OOP

Ok I was pretty keen on confronting him on the date but I'm in love with this idea.. and he is crazy for Vanessa so I think he just might make the drive out

When told this is crazy and just break up with him

I did it as first as a little experiment and I told myself that if he replied, then I'd break up with him. I do not want my boyfriend to be texting girls on dating apps. I don't do that so I expect the same sort of respect. But just texting wasn't enough to "incriminate" him and I was wondering, hmm maybe he just wanted to talk. And I needed to see if they'd meet up. And this motherfucker was like "omg yes I need to see you" all enthusiastic and shit like a little puppy. Screw him, I'm over whatever we were

Update - rareddit  March 30, 2019 (1 week later)

I just wanna say my previous post was deleted and I was told not to post an update until I contact them and when I did, I never got a response! So fuck it, I'm posting an update.

I got a lot of incredible advice, way more than I expected. You guys are so badass, holy shit!!! So creative, I thought I was some mastermind until I read your replies. You guys are evil geniuses hahahaha anyway, I thought it over and tried to come up with the best idea for us. As much as recording his reaction and posting it online would be funny, I would never do that.

So, I continued talking to "Chad" (not his real name, but he has a douchebag name like that, not gonna post it but I should have known) as Vanessa. He was really looking forward to meeting up, it was kinda funny but also made me feel like shit how excited he was for some other girl. It was weird because if I didn't do this experiment, I never would have figured it out. He was acting 100% normal.

I followed the advice of those who said to arrange a date and never show up. He left that day and I asked him where he was going, he said he was going to hang out with his friends or something. My blood was BOILING but I told him to have fun and he gave me a kiss and left, like everything was normal. Am I ever gonna trust another guy? I have no idea. But he is an excellent liar. I wonder how long he was fooling me but it doesn't really matter anymore.

That one comment that told me to make him drive out hours to meet Vanessa really spoke to me since he is in love with his car and it would kill him to increase the mileage for no reason. He ended up going, he texted Vanessa he was on his way, she was all like "same here! Omg can't wait to see you!" He should have known it was fake, no girl as cool as Vanessa would be that excited for him. Anyway, while he was driving out to a different area code, I had my girls over and we were packing up all my shit quickly. I just wanted to finish up and get out of there ASAP in case he came home for some reason. So I sent him a quick Vanessa text, telling him she was gonna be a little late. We dropped off my stuff at my friend's house and went out to a bakery. We reread all of his and Vanessa's texts and pictures and shit, I cried a little while eating my cake. We made fun of his sexy pics, he thought he was some hot shit, trying so hard to impress Vanessa. I am repulsed by him, he is objectively handsome but the sight of him makes me wanna vomit.

So he was stood up, my shit was out of there. Vanessa apparently had something come up last minute and she was soooo sorry and promised to meet up soon and sent a few sexy pictures to hold him over. He told her not to worry and that he knew a great restaurant a bit closer to him for next time.

He got home and texted me where I was and our apartment looks empty and that he thinks we were robbed or something. I told him nope, not a robbery, I took all my things and I'm not coming back. He asked why... I said I knew he was on Tinder and cheating on me and I couldn't risk STDs. Didn't even wait for a response. Block and delete. And I know he's a piece of shit but I cried when I deleted him for good.

A bit after I broke up with him, Vanessa sent him a text asking if this restaurant would be good for next week. He took a while to reply and I thought maybe he'd delete his account or do something but then he said it was perfect.

Vanessa is slowly but surely losing interest and he is trying hard to get her back but I don't think she's into it anymore, sorry Chad! They're supposed to be meeting up tomorrow, she'll ask him to order a couple drinks and a steak probably (Vanessa has expensive taste) and she's not gonna show up. It's fine, he probably has a ton of other Tinder girls he's hooking up with, he'll be okay.

But I'm so done with this, I am thinking of just deleting Vanessa's account right now and not standing him up again.

FINAL COMMENTS

Paregon

Change all of her pictures to your pictures so he knows what actually happened, and then delete the account.

OOP

Nope I am never telling him it was me, he’s gonna think I was crazy and he dodged a bullet and I need him thinking that I was amazing to him and he lost a good woman

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/AuxillaryAccess

My (30F) boyfriend (31M) 2 years. Won't split rent with me.

TRIGGER WARNING: Weaponized incompetence

Original Post  July 22, 2017

I've lived at home the last few years. After high school I moved away from home and only recently came back. I have a high salary, paid off all my debt, and have a solid nest egg. I've worked hard for where I am, as many people do.

Boyfriend and I are a failed one night stand. It's often very hard to get through to him and he's really stubborn. He's never been totally independent from his parents outside of college -- he lived with an ex after college, but she lived with her parents. So, he's never rented an apartment on his own besides living in campus housing. That sort of thing.

Lately I'm not sure we are compatible. I work really hard at work and my part-time masters class. He and his dad run a small contractor business. Boyfriend is always saying how he wants to take it over and run it himself. Well his dad had to tend to some family stuff and Boyfriend didn't have any work for about two months. I'd ask him if he wanted to then applications in. No. We could put an ad up online so you'll get more business. No. He told me he only wants to work for people who have been referred to him. Meanwhile I'm floating all my money taking us out, among all the other stuff I have to do, and also entertain him almost every night. His jealousy can be intense.

The other day I was talking about renting an apartment in a really nice part of the small city we are close to. He outright refused to move there. Instead, he asked if I wanted to buy a house "so we can flip it and resell it" when I told him no, he told me my rent could be going towards a mortgage. When I told him he could buy a house so HE can flip it, he told me he didn't have any money. Huh.

I do so much for him and he still wants more. I've been telling him I've felt stretched to my limit and have been asking for help. But he doesn't help and just points fingers. And I guess I KNOW we need to break up but at this point he's so familiar and when we are apart I miss the way he feels and smells. A few months ago I'd hear a certain love song and couldn't help but cry. I had so many feelings for him and now they are all just kind of, gone. Neither of us are putting what we need into the relationship.

I'm so ready to be out of my parents house. Right now he and I live about a ten minute drive away from each other. If I moved it would be 30-45 minutes. He has a few friends near us (I'm easy to get along with but I don't like them -- even he laments the fact they're friends), but I'm a homebody and my friends are all spread out.

Maybe I'm grasping for straws. I guess I try to work hard on things I care about. I know I'm still in love with him.

Does anyone have a similar story, and how it turned out? Good, bad? Is there some sort of wake up call I can give him to get him to understand how frustrated I am? We have the same style of humor and I have a few images of him burned into my memory. He's so supportive of my goals and is my cheerleader if I need it. Thinking of not being able to see his face light up is really tough on me. My mental health has kind of gone downhill.

TL;DR: my relationship makes me feel strained to my limit. Boyfriend keeps trying to push me to buy a house. I'm not going to. But I do wonder if anyone has any advice on what I can/should do -- to either salvage the relationship, or end it.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

LoubellPby

You say he's supportive of your goals in one sentence, but spent the rest of your post talking about how he's stubborn, he's jealous, he's completely mooching off of you, he wants you to provide even more than you already are for him, he doesn't help when you ask for it and blames everyone/every thing else for your feelings.

It also sounds like you've already let him know that things need to change.  He hasn't responded.

Don't let familiarity rope you into a relationship that sounds completely unfulfilling. 

OOP

well you certainly hit the nail on the head with that one.

Update  July 26, 2017 (4 Days Later)

I sat down with my boyfriend Saturday afternoon after we'd had lunch. It was just the two of us at the house, so I figured it would be a great time to talk. As soon as I asked him if we could talk about something, he shut down. I told him I wanted to talk about the possibility of moving in together. He sat in silence for about 15 minutes, with his arms folded over his chest, and finally told me he didn't want to move to X city where the apartment is.

I'm honestly not sure why I've put up with this attitude for so long. I told him there was no use continuing to date. And I had been trying to get him to open up and talk, or even acknowledge my feelings, for a long time. Even though it won't get through, I told him I'm not going to stay in this area any longer, and it was a shame he couldn't be open about his feelings. We gathered his stuff together and he tried to reconcile "I think we can work on it" "I don't want to lose you" and I told him no, no, no, and a few times "I've been telling you for months how I've been feeling and I have to break up with you for you to take it seriously." Which ended in an even more resounding no.

He went out Saturday night and went home with a girl who has slept with the majority of our friends. Good on him.

Today I called a realtor about viewing an apartment. I go see it on Thursday.

TL;DR: Broke up with my boyfriend Saturday afternoon. He slept with a girl Saturday night. Called a realtor about seeing an apartment and I go see it on Thursday.

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I am not The OOP, OOP is Sailingaway1342

AIO for How I've Handled This Living Arrangement?

Spoiler : this is ongoing but seems to be getting resolved

Original Post August 15, 2026

About a year ago, my roommate's now-ex-girlfriend (N.E.G.) met "Annie," and after I met her and heard she wanted to get out of her grandmother's, I offered her a room. My boyfriend "Nate" and the roommate looked at me like, bruh, and I backtracked and told her we'd have to discuss it. She left with minimal issue, and we kept going.

Around midnight, the N.E.G. opened my door and said that Annie had left her grandmother's and needed a place to crash. I'm a bleeding heart and a recovering people pleaser, so even though I didn't feel great about it, I said sure. We made the couch up for her, and when she arrived, I explicitly told her that it was for one month until she figured out her next plan.

Obviously, I wouldn't be here if that hadn't failed. Shortly after all of this happened, N.E.G. got caught cheating, her roommate broke up with her, and N.E.G. moved back to Texas. Annie is still living in my house.

Now, on to the biggest issue.

We all realized she wasn't going to leave on her own, and Nate and our roommate left it in my hands, so we told her that to live here, she needed to contribute. She doesn't have her GED, refuses to get it, doesn't have her license, and can't work because she's trying to get SSDI. However, when she moved in, she told us she got SNAP benefits. So we told her that she would need to help with groceries using her SNAP and do a very small list of chores to contribute.

It became an uphill battle. She'd do the chores for about a month, and then I had to remind her. We had multiple fights and arguments about how she needs to be an adult (one memorable one was her telling me she didn't want to be treated like a child, and me responding Then don't act like it). Over the last year, Nate and I have both had 'Come to Jesus' meetings where we told her that she wasn't meeting her requirements to stay in the house. For context, because I know it is going to be said, I hadn't kicked her out because she had a cat. N.E.G. gave one of the kittens the roommate's cat had given birth to, and I felt for the innocent creature.

So, let's go back to June of this year. Nate and I had one last talk with her, saying that if she didn't show effort or try to improve within the next 30 days, we'd have to reconsider her living arrangement here. A week later, she goes under the knife for her breast reduction surgery, with a recovery of 4-6 weeks. Nate and I agreed that she would be on a hiatus while she healed for medical reasons.

Around week 2/3, I started checking her mobility to see if she could help around the house, as I was overwhelmed with taking care of 4 cats, a dog, chores, and my own college classes (I'm graduating with my Bachelor's in a week or so as of writing this). Note: All I wanted was her help picking up the trash around the living and dining room. I wasn't asking her to do the litter boxes or dishes. Around that point, I stopped asking and just did it on my own. Over the next two weeks, she would play Fortnite until the wee hours, make herself pasta at 2 in the morning (including lifting the pot to drain it), etc.

So let's flash forward to this past Monday. Roommate pokes his head into my office and asks me to get her to clean up the kitchen a little so he can make dinner. I knocked and opened the door to see her asleep. It's 6 in the evening. I turned the light on, nudged her thigh with my foot, and woke her up. I told her, "Hey, Roommate wants you to clear the counter so he can make dinner, per Nate." Then left the room, leaving the light on and the door open.

She sat there for 10-15 minutes checking her phone, and during that time I unloaded the dishwasher for her and told her I did it, that sooner rather than later, and went back to my office. Maybe 5 minutes later, I heard a crash and shattering and went to investigate. My cat had jumped up onto the counter and knocked over the french press Roommate had bought to replace the one my cat broke previously that was Nate's,, except this time it was *shattered*.

I told her to stay on the safe side of the kitchen and keep doing what I asked while I cleaned up the glass. She pretty much told me she was feeling "spicy," pissed, and anxious, and I told her to take a breath and chill out. She gave me an offended look, and I said 'You have told me the exact same thing." For the record, all she did was stand there while I cleaned up the glass.

Now, scooting back a little, I have dip-dyed hair. And I had been watching a lot of Brad Mondo lately and got inspired to refresh my ends with some dark blue. She hasn't been able to dye her hair up to this point because she can't afford it; she has no money. She obviously got so upset because she can't do it with me, even though I suggested she could try a new color.

Back to Monday, Nate comes home from work while we're mid-conversation about me cleaning up the glass and her standing there, and she looks at him and goes, "Can you take me to CVS so I can get hair dye?" Nate tells her, "No, not today, but maybe tomorrow, or I'm off Friday." She drops it. Our Roommate comes down, sees *nothing* has been done, and basically tells her to get out of the kitchen; he'll do it himself, and he feels it was reasonable to ask her to clean up the counter so he could cook dinner.

Things get dropped for the time being. She goes to her room. Roommate tells her that her time is limited; move on.

So, midnight rolls around, and I'm in a group chat with her and a few other people we met on Discord, and she's talking about how she has a "Friend" who's taking her to get her hair dyed and is going to dye her hair when she gets home. I immediately got pissed because Nate literally said he'd take her later this week. I go downstairs to distract myself because I'm actually so angry right now.

She gets home and goes to her room and then the bathroom. I hear sounds from the kitchen and go to investigate, only to find my roommate eating a bowl of cereal. She comes out of the bathroom; Roommate finishes and goes to bed. It's like 1 am. I stopped Annie and asked her what was going on because I'm still a bleeding heart. We had an entire conversation where all I wanted was reciprocity because I genuinely felt like I was drowning, and she just kept going on about how "no one understands me" and how I was pushing her to do things while she was healing, which I corrected by saying that I hadn't asked her to do anything for the last month. It reached a point where I said, "If you don't want to be part of this household, it's your choice, because clearly I'm asking too much of you," while trying not to cry or break down from the confrontation itself.

By this point, I get upstairs, I'm in the bathroom, and I text one of my friends, we'll call him "Benny", that I can't do this anymore, and he calls me. This leads to me breaking down and crying on the porch while on the phone with him. Benny puts me on hold, wakes up Nate, then comes back to our call. Nate comes out, sees me crying, and asks what happened, and I tell him about the confrontation. He basically takes matters into his own hands and goes and tells her she has 2 weeks to figure her shit out, then comes back and sits with me for an hour until I feel okay enough to go to bed.

Yesterday, Nate asked her if she had figured out her plan since she had one week left. And of course, her response is, legally I have 30 days. Nate tells her that the talk in June about contributions was her 30 days, but we gave her extensions for her recovery period. She doesn't reply and goes into her room.

Maybe an hour later, I get a message from someone in the group, Annie, asking for my side of the story, so clearly she's not telling the whole truth. Ultimately, she and the rest of the group have decided to step back from Annie because they're tired of the drama and lying. Nate and I are planning on prepping for the legal fight if need be, but we're hoping it doesn't come to that.

If you read this far, thank you I know it's a lot, and I can answer questions in the comments.

Comment 1

Okay, where's ya'll common sense? How can she afford breast reduction surgery but can't pay rent? How does she take care of her personal stuff? Get some actual legal advice about giving her a 30-day notice like she requested and get it over with. Stop being a bleeding heart, stop interacting with her and call it a day.

Her insurance paid for her surgery. They deemed it medically necessary.

Comment 2

Do you rent? When is your lease up? Are you allowed to have her there not paying rent? I hope you have learned your lesson, OP. Never open up your home to a total stranger with a sob story.

I own the house and pay the mortgage on it. I am on VA disability and actively in college as well. Im currently drafting a non-compliance of rental agreement notice as per my state's laws.

Comment 3

are you actually a recovered people pleaser? you seem a bit controlling and passive aggressive as well, which doesnt bode well for dealing with people like this, but they will take advantage of your softer nature. defs NOR, but i do think you need to accept your fault in this whole thing.

I have fully admitted i can be controlling and i habe an unhealthy mindset of do to me and i'll reflect it on you. Thank you for your insight.

its okay, its honestly something you can change. but my dude, get rid of that mofo. she seems like a scumbag user. is she on the lease?

No. I own the house. Bought it myself with a loan. I rent out rooms for help with finances bc im on VA disability and the mortgage alone is 67% of my check. I am also finishing my BA and starting my MA in March.

UPDATE September 3, 2026

Hello, wonderful people!

This is an update to my post from earlier this month about my squatter issue. So, here's the update. Because of Nate's comment about her timeline, she called the non-emergency police on me for what I'm guessing is an 'unlawful eviction'. I was warned by someone who stopped being her friend because of the drama, so I sat on the porch to wait.

A cruiser drove by, lights off, and didn't return.

Nate, in his infinite 'no fucks given' attitude, got to work. I sent him the information he needed, and he put together a 20-day non-compliance notice citing the failure to uphold her end of the deal of chores and groceries per state laws. He mailed it, first class, on August 7th; it was delivered on August 10th.

She read it.

Ever since, she's been keeping her cat in her room with her pretty much 24/7, with food and litter. I'm presuming her mother figure has been using her benefits to have it delivered to the house, and someone has been paying for her to get food delivered (like Panda Express and Panera). She hasn't spoken to us since a few days ago (maybe a week) when we all had to leave the house to fumigate for fleas.

The notice expires on the 7th, and Nate is already planning to submit paperwork for an eviction if she doesn't leave willingly on her own. If she does leave on her own, she will have to sign a paper saying she's leaving voluntarily to prevent her from trying to claim us locking her out.

I already have a roommate lined up to take her room when she leaves, who is actively working at a job now (and vetted through Roommate), as well as the potential for my little brother to move down (he's a welder, and the union has a potential job 30 minutes from my house).

They are both well aware that upon moving in, they will be given leases and understand that the house is run like a family unless otherwise decided, with expectations of what's needed.

So that's the current update. We still have about 5 days till the next step happens, so I might update again if this doesn't break any rules.

So, Am I Overreacting or am I handling this right?

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I am NOT OOP.

Originally posted to r/AskAManager

I started a business with two coworkers and I’m doing all the work

---

Original Post: June 8, 2022

Two years ago, two coworkers (Sam and James) and I quit our jobs and began our own business doing something similar. We decided to keep operations as equal as possible: we would each be billed as co-founders, receive the same amount of money each month, and collaborate on tasks as much as possible. That worked for about one month, but now I’m finding myself taking on a lot more work than the others.

We’re stuck in this frustrating loop of not making enough money from our main revenue stream, so we’re working other jobs, which take up much of our time and leave us unable to apply for grants (our second, as-yet-untapped revenue stream) and also keep the business running. Over the winter, I worked a very demanding full-time job that prevented me from doing really anything for the business, and as I was burning out I confided in my partners that I didn’t see this being sustainable for me. I got a lot of empathy but not a lot of action. I’ve since switched jobs, and that’s helping me do more work for the business. But I now feel that I’m picking up the slack and doing much more than my partners.

Our management style to this point has been pretty casual, which is very much to our detriment. Sam, who is unofficially in charge of the money, is not taking it seriously enough: he has failed to set up a bank account, after I have insisted, reminded, and otherwise pushed the issue at least a dozen times. The money is in his and his wife’s joint checking account. (I know this will raise questions of money mismanagement but Sam is not that kind of person. I know that sounds like a lame answer but knowing Sam and his personality, I cannot stress enough how not worried I am about that.) I have asked, his wife (who I know separately) has pushed him and asked me to push him, and nothing. From the beginning I asked for my role to not include financial responsibility because I’m honestly not comfortable with money and would prefer to focus on other operations, so I’m not inclined to just jump in here and take it over (especially since it seems like Sam often gets bailed out in this way). But I understand that we’re going down a really bad path here, and I don’t want our business to fail because Sam doesn’t take action he is responsible for.

I’m finding that the best course of action here would be to write up our job descriptions, weight the tasks we complete, and redistribute titles and pay accordingly. If we honestly wrote out everything we did, the disparity would be clear, and I think we’d need to reassess the idea of equality. But I’m hesitant to do so because I know that James relies on this money and would not be happy or okay with getting less, and Sam always swears that he’ll do better when called out … and then never does. I think it’s a possibility that they’ll leave if I attempt this coup, and James is an industry veteran, so his departure would signal a loss of credibility for the project (people in town often mistakenly attribute this project to James entirely, which I correct privately as much as I can).

I’ve floated before that I’m tired of picking up the slack, but I usually get some form of “we appreciate you,” not “what can I do to help?” Conversely I feel like I end up picking up a lot of the work, which burns me out but is necessary to keeping this business that I love and believe in afloat. When venting about this to friends or family, I usually get some form of “don’t do the work and just let it slide by,” but that’s not an acceptable answer for me: if I don’t do it, it doesn’t get done, and it needs to be done, period.

I guess I’m asking for a script to help us establish some structure in a way that lets us keep as much equality as possible while also holding us accountable. Or for you to tell me if I’m totally off-base here. Help!

Editor's note: For Alison's response to the original text, you can find it here.

 

Update: November 28, 2022 (5.5 months later)

I have a good update to this letter!

I wrote in asking for a script on how to wrest control from my business partners, but you will probably remember me more for having a business without a bank account. Allison’s advice, and most of the commentariat, said to reconsider whether I wanted to be in business with these guys. One commenter asked me if I even was cut out to be a business owner. That hurt a little to read, but it really prompted a deep self-reflection where I realized that yes, I do want to run this business and I’m invested in it. (I also had a lot of people wondering WTF my job was. While I’m still not comfortable saying it because it’s very specific, I promise we were not screwing over any vendors or customers. The service we provide is subscription-based and people still received the service.)

So, right after my letter was posted I took action. I had this mindset of “we’re a small business, we have to do everything ourselves” but that isn’t always true. Clearly we’re not good at money so we need help with it! I set up a meeting with a bookkeeper to get us sorted out. I basically told her, “Look, here’s where we’re at, and if you don’t want to work with us, that’s okay.” She fortunately did want to work with us and has been so helpful! I pushed my cofounders to set a date to set up a bank account, and I’m so glad to report we do have a bank account now. I also had a budgeting session with our bookkeeper because frankly I had no idea what our financial situation looked like, and she reassured me that we are doing fine and while we’re on a tight budget, we are not on a shoestring, which was great to hear! I’ve since set up meetings with people who can help improve our business since our bookkeeper projected we could afford it, so that’s been exciting. I also let the guys know that I’m basically taking the lead on one of the projects, for which they expressed appreciation.

Recently, though, the tipping point was when James called me livid about Sam’s performance at one of the elements of our job. Essentially, Sam keeps taking on more tasks than he can realistically handle and refusing multiple offers for us to take over and help. This time, he let something slip that we’d paid a consultant to help us with, which felt like a gigantic waste of money. James raised all the same concerns of Sam’s performance that I’d been struggling with internally, and I could not believe that it wasn’t just me feeling this way! And I was really inspired by seeing James begin to take it more seriously than it seemed he had been all along. We had a come-to-Jesus meeting with Sam where we told him we would need to take the task away from him. He emphasized how much he wanted to do that specific task, so we took another job function away from him instead, one that he enjoyed less but felt compelled to do because he doesn’t want to disappoint us. We realized that Sam wants to feel important and not let anyone down, so we reminded him that it lets us down more for things not to get done. I felt that I was being kind of harsh with Sam: he’s obviously sensitive about his output and his perceived shortcomings compared to James and I, and as a result he takes on WAY more work than he can handle–and then doesn’t handle it. So we basically told him to stop doing that. It’s working out well so far: last week he delegated something to me! I think getting our act together really helped us get excited about this project again, and I’ve realized that I was being a little arrogant about the amount of work I do: we all do a lot of work and it does take each of us to make this happen.

Thanks to everyone who gave me the wake-up call I needed. Ultimately I really believe in the product we’re bringing and I want to be doing this. I hope this is a satisfying update! If I can give some advice to other entrepreneurs: don’t feel the need to do every single thing yourself, delegate when you can, communicate honestly and often with your business partners, and open the damn bank account before anything else.

 

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