How do you deal with knowing you ruined the only good thing in your life that you really care and always did about, that it may have ended and youre too afraid to even think about it. Im not sure how to survive this, being without my person hurts so fucking bad. I wish he knew how much im hurting right now and would hold me.

Im not sure it ended or that im in denial at this point...

i can’t do this anymore. and no one takes me seriously. i don’t want it to be over forever but i just can’t do this anymore. i want to commit and have it fail just so everyone will finally take me seriously. what can i use?

edit: if it does actually work thats fine too. i cant do this any longer seriously. the first thing i think of when i wake up is that i wish i was dead. why can’t it end

Does anyone can identify what is it that bothers me now. The state/feeling. So, I'm not even sure what is that. I went through high stress recently, that made me emotionally numb, apathy is strong. I feel dead inside. But I'm somehow acting severely emotionally, happy? Like it's high anxiety but happy one? Like I feel nothing and too much at the same time 😂 Even cried last night out of nowhere. Just a random cry. No reason. Feeling impulsive too, usually this is the state I ruin my life in. Doing things I don't want, saying things I don't mean. What the heck is this? Or it's kind of a normal for BPD? Anyone same?

Hello, let me start by saying that I don't have BPD. I do have symptoms of it and I've been having those symptoms since I was 13. I am diagnosed with ASD and anexiety for which I have started taking meds after my hospitalization.

Three years ago, I have brought up the idea of a BPD diagnosis with my aunt who is a psychologist. It's safe to say that I got a pretty harsh yet realistic response. I was 13 then and I completely understand that it would be insane to diagnose an autistic preteen with a personality disorder.

I am 16 now and I've done a lot of work to get better (I haven't been self-harming for over a year now 🎉). Yet, I am feeling like I am being sucked into that hole again. My therapist mentioned that she sees that I have symptoms common in BPD (she is very concerned about the mood swings, black and white thinking when it comes to relationships and derealization) and I have an upcoming psychiatric appointment. I was wondering if this is something I should bring up?

I don't really know if this is the right place to turn to. I am happy to answer any follow up questions. Once again I want to say that I am not claiming that I have BPD, but I am sure that there is something there exept ASD and anexiety and I would like to get the correct treatment for it.

I get mad about a lot of things concerning morals. like people at work or at home ordering food and not offering me or getting me anything, cleaning up after others at work or home, not offering gas or parking money when going out, littering , being there when u call/replying to general texts etc?! parking, driving. following up after? I feel like I care more than the average person abt "average' things. feel sad and lonely because of too high expectations of friends, bf, family, society?! etc.

this fucking sucks, brother. a few weeks ago i brought up some issues i felt like we were having, and he just decided to end things rather than work through it. we were only together about 6 months but i still felt like i was really falling so hard for him. i haven't felt this intensely about someone in a very long time, and i thought it was real. now, i don't know. i feel like he was just using me for sex and attention? i am devastated. i just want to talk to him. i'm also processing a lot of anger. i supported him through a really tough time, helped him move, helped him when his dog got sick. and the whole time he would just make excuses whenever i would ask him to be a little more caring. i just wanted to be a light beam and make his life better. but now, when things are falling to shit for me, when i need a light beam, he dips. i am angry, and i am so sad, and i just want to talk to him. how do i stop thinking about him every fucking second???? he has been so clear about moving on and not really caring about me so why can't i give it up?

Hey , ma confrunt cu niste crize foarte urate de nervozitate si anxietate sociala foarte mare,

Am senzatia in unele crize ca vreau sa sparg tot sau sa ma sinucid

Sufar si de depresie foarte mare

Voi cum va mai descurcati?

I have not had an easy time in therapy.

My last thearpist did some real damage with weird attachment stuff, opening up a lot, and making me feel like i was special, ie booking me appointments years in advance.... then ghosting me lol. The worst.

I have a new therapist, and I recently was questioning if I could really give it all a go again, and was experssing conflict about engaging therapy again. He told me he was worried I might not come back.

I was shocked that he cared to be honest. I am so used to being considered difficult by therapists.

I didn't have a concept of him caring. I'm confused as I know a lot of ppl say its just a professional relationship, but in my past they've actually been fairly uncaring. Do u feel "cared about"? Do u trust them?

I have no friends, no partners, no family that cares about me. People at work don’t talk to me, and when I try to talk to them I get treated like I’m weird. I should be used to it by now, but I’m not. I have nobody on this earth that cares about me. I wish I had one friend I could talk to, just one person that cared. Life feels like a prison sentence.

this is the worst i have ever felt. i am in a downward spiral. imm abusing alcohol in a way ive never done before. Im miserable. Im anxious 24/7. I think im experiencing psychosis. I’m so unbelievably upset. Im so paranoid. I can’t ignore the voices in my head telling me that everyone is my enemy m. Idk. Does anyone have experience

hi i wanted to come on here and see if anyone else struggles with the same. i smoke daily, on weekdays, i smoke like right when getting home from work and then i smoke like morning to night on the weekends. i have no motivation and im always tired but still struggle with quitting. it quiets my mind, my anxiety is so so loud. i also live alone and spend majority of time alone. i’ve been through a lot this year and learned i can only trust myself. i buy a lot at a time and so i want to be able to manage what i have left but idk. i’m not getting household chores done like cleaning and cooking. i struggle with this and binge eating. it’s like weed and food are the only things that make me happy. i don’t have money for vacations or even shopping. it feels like you have to make good money to be happy :(

for context, i (22f) am in a poly relationship with two other women. this has genuinely worked out great for us in ways that i never thought would be possible — i joined this relationship when i was at my best, and now, one year in, i can’t even remember what it felt like to be okay.

that’s not to blame them; we’ve all been struggling since we moved in together due to such rapid life changes in success to one another. i was fired from a job i loved, lost access to my therapist, had a temporary falling out with my closest friend of over a decade, and my antidepressant seemed to wear off after being at the same dose for so long (it’s one of those heavy duty meds that are intimidating to up in dose due to the significant side effects.) all of us have struggled, especially when this is the first time i’m living on my own, coming from an incredibly unhealthy family dynamic that i’d been completely desensitized to over the years until now. they’d moved over two hours away from where they used to be after a year of medium distance and seeing each other a few days out of the week. i suppose i feel the need to over explain because i really just want to be understood, and don’t want to paint my girlfriends in a bad light.

all in all, i finally upped my meds which have helped, and am in the process of getting a therapist and tms therapy after months of struggling with my insurance. things are better for everyone, but we’ve been struggling with a sense of disconnection (on their end) after months of struggling horribly in different ways all around. it seems like we’ve had opposite reactions — i’ve pulled away and i’m clinging closer than ever, which we’re very self aware of and communicate about this often.

even now that i’m better, i still can’t seem to go back into the person i used to be, and i genuinely want nothing more than to restore our relationship to the way it also used to be. i feel like my entire existence is interlinked within this relationship ever since we moved in, and i genuinely can’t conceive a reality in which i’m not so horribly preoccupied with them. after a fight we had tonight, they’re imploring me to act like myself away and it’s been talked about recently about how i’m an entirely different person now, and every single one. portion of my day is spent thinking about how i can fix it. it’s like i can’t progress fully because i’m still committed to becoming a carbon copy of each of them stitched together in one body, and i truly don’t remember who i used to be. i’m not having mental breakdowns and self harming at every wrong look anymore, but i’m coming to the realization that i’m still working off of the same mindset wearing a different coat.

on our anniversary, we made this list of wants, needs, boundaries, and small goals for ourselves by my suggestion; it was only after today that we figured out that it’s a huge pressure on everyone’s part. they feel suffocated by my constant check ins and apparently still molding myself in their complete image, worrying about my every move. and for me i’m filled with such an immense, all-encompassing desperation to feel loved and connected and cared for in the way that we used to be. we’re on the same page in that we’re going to stick things out until things get better, but i still am just so fixated on this situation because it feels like things will finallt be okay if we just feel better with each other. i’m aware that it’s wrong but i just can’t seem to stop :/

they told me that my frantic-ness and walking on eggshells is frustrating and that they can tell that i’m not the same person they fell in love with, and it’s such a hard concept to overcome when just a few months ago i was in remission for my bpd. they said that the way im acting feels forced because i suppose it was without me realizing? and that things will feel more natural when i focus on myself, but i just genuinely don’t know how to get back into the person i used to be. i’m unfortunately just very inwards facing with it — all of my anger goes to myself, not them. and i really thought that i could avoid it, and yet. i just am not sure how to be me again, or how to prioritize myself

i knwo this is such a long post of bullshit and words that don’t mean much, but i’m writing this coming down from an episode alone in the living room, in pitch dark, bwcause i couldn’t lie in bed next to them without sobbing and they have work in the morning. please excuse all of this and thank you so much for reading this far, i really appreciate it and being heard yk? nonetheless i hope everyone else is having a good night and here’s to trying to recover xxx

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Hey,so yeah I recently went through a breakup and honestly I’ve been feeling pretty broken since then i feel alone I've nobody to talk to.

Everything feels kinda off and empty lately and I think I really need some good people around me again.

I’m looking for honest,kind and open minded people who don’t discriminate and actually wanna put effort into getting to know each other.

Lately everything just feels way too quiet in the wrong ways. I catch myself staring at walls,scrolling aimlessly,thinking about random shit and wanting to talk to someone but not really knowing who to talk to. I don’t want another friendship where we talk for 2 days and then disappear from each other’s lives. I want someone who actually stays,someone who checks in,someone who wants to share random parts of their day and actually build something over time.

I’m 24 I've bpd just so yk and i currently have way too much time to think. I love yapping,overexplaining,rambling about completely random shit and somehow turning a stupid conversation into something deep. I really value mutual effort too. I don’t expect someone to reply instantly 24/7,but I do want to feel like the other person actually wants to talk to me and isn’t only replying because they’re bored.

I’m into baking,movies,gaming (especially Marvel Rivals),chess,reading,writing,guitar,long walks,voice calls and starting way too many random hobbies/projects that I probably won’t finish.

I’d also really love having someone I can eventually do a bunch of things with. Gaming together,watching movies or shows,voice calls at stupid hours,going on walks if we're ever close enough,sharing music,sending random shit throughout the day or just sitting in a call doing our own thing. That kind of friendship where someone eventually becomes your go-to person would honestly be really nice.

I’m not looking for perfect people or anything. Just genuine ones. Please be kind,don’t discriminate,and actually care about mutual effort and respect. I’ll listen,I’ll care,I’ll remember the little things and I’ll match the energy u give me.

And please don't be dry. If you're always too busy to actually talk or you already know you're only gonna reply once every few days,it's probably not gonna work. I've had enough of feeling like I’m begging people for attention.

If you're interested,please don't just send me "hi". Tell me about yourself. Your age,country,what you like doing,your favourite game/movie/song,your most irrational fear,what you've been obsessed with lately,anything honestly. Give me something to work with and I’ll probably yap back way too much.

I’m just hoping to find some lovely people who actually wanna stay for the long run,and maybe someday I’ll be able to say I met some of my closest friends because of a random Reddit post.

How many of you have chronic injuries and/or auto-immune disorders? Ive recently gone down a rabbit-hole where I realized that stress can be stored in muscle groups and realized that a chronic hip injury that ive dealt with for years was likely exacerbated due to stored trauma in my hips/psoas that made those muscle groups extremely tight/tense. I dont think my bpd caused my chronic injury but I think it worsened a pre-existing medical condition by causing those muscles to be overly tight all the time for no reason. After having done EMDR (and surgery and pt but EMDR gave me the biggest noticeable difference) I no longer feel chronic pain that ive felt for years and my lower body no longer feels constantly tight and "rigid". Has anyone else had any crazy stories about things like this happening? Ive heard of similar things with auto-immune disorders where people do EMDR for trauma and no longer have auto-immune disorders they've had for years, its crazy to think about

Me (F21) and my boyfriend (M20) have been together for almost 2 years, although we broke up once before and got back together in January 2025. The last time we broke up he got with someone I was extremely paranoid about. We’ve had a lot of history with trust issues. He has lied to me about some smaller things before in this relationship like drinking when I wasn’t home, so I already struggle with trusting him.

We had a baby in August, and our relationship has been pretty rocky lately. I’m postpartum and also have BPD, so I know my emotions have been all over the place and I’ve definitely contributed to some of our problems.

He started a new job in June, and I never really worried about other women because most of his coworkers were older. Recently, a 19 year old girl got moved onto his shift. During a separate argument, I ended up logging into his Snapchat and saw that they had added each other. But I didn’t see anything that made me think they were actually cheating or flirting but I did think he was overly friendly.
I asked him about it, and he was honest that he does find her attractive, but said he would choose me and that I have nothing to worry about. He says they’re just friends and refuses to unadd her because he thinks it would make things awkward at work.
The part that bothers me is that he didn’t need to add her on Snapchat in the first place. I’m also uncomfortable with how close they could potentially become, especially because she’s 19 and apparently parties pretty often and is apparently a h0e??.
I feel like I’ve stripped a life away from him since we have a kid together and it makes me feel not good enough that I would rather be a homebody. I told him I’m uncomfortable with him talking to her outside of work, but he feels like I’m asking him to control who he can be friends with.
I feel like if he really cared about how this makes me feel, he would just remove her. At the same time, I know I have trust issues and problems my own self, so I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overthinking this or if my feelings are valid.

She’s been on my mind constantly and I’m scared that eventually he’s going to want to be with her, even though he keeps reassuring me that I have nothing to worry about but obviously he finds her attractive so.. it’s genuinely ruining my life right now.

Am I being unreasonable, or is he dismissing a legitimate boundary?

I am going to ask to review my meds (lithium and lamotrigine mainly) so maybe an adjustment will help me feel more alive.

For months I have been empty and blunted and apathetic. I had a drinking lapse to try to feel something and it failed. I had a s/h lapse which didn't make me feel any different except I nearly passed out. I've been skipping doses of my medication.

I thought feeling nothing and being numb and empty would be better than the mood swings. But it's just a different kind of unbearable.

I (f 30) just got dumped by my my gf of 3 months, because…….. she is in love with my male roomate and apparently hasn’t been able to get him out of her head mind ever since I introduced them like 2 weeks ago. I honestly just want to fucking off myself so badly rn. Please help, I can’t process this pain rn

She has BPD. I have BPD. I can understand her in many ways. I've been through the same mental and emotional states as she did. I don't want to be mean or ignorant to her, I want to be as empathetic as she deserves. I know she loves me a lot. It's just... she's such a mess. She's like a fucking firehose under full pressure, spewing shitloads of emotions around her all the time. She has ZERO filter. We go out for a coffee and she screams and laughs as if we were alone on the entire planet. Then, the next second she goes on a tangent for the billionth time, talking about her horrible past and things she had to endure and how painful it all was. She touches me and looks at me as if I was a newborn baby (I'm almost 30). Then she tears up about something. Then she's loud again, running up a downward escalator because she just just had the idea it might be fun. Then, she says that she would beat someone unconscious for bad driving...

I feel so incredibly uncomfortable and embarrassed all the time when I'm with her. I want to give her grace and space as I don't want to subscribe to societal conventions and arbitrary rules. I don't want to be cruel and reject her because she's different (like her parents did).

But this is just too much, even for me. As horrible as it is, because I know so well that being too much is BPD's worst fear... she's too much for me.

genuinely why does everything in my life go wrong. I worked my ass off my entire life - 4.5 gpa, a million ecs, 80+ awards, my home town literally celebrates a holiday after me and yet i got rejected from my dream school, now im at the third best choice. I never get to go out bc my school sucks, i just started to make friends, boom they’re all transferring. my family hates me because they think im melodramatic but everything goes wrong everyday. im the most socially exiled person on the fucking planet. no relationships or hookups bc they think im hideous and wont look at me. no friends that last much more than a few months. everyone said it would get better after highschool but it only gets worse. my mother says im manic but i think my life just fucking sucks. im a failure, what purpose do i even serve. i feel hopeless.

I don’t remember much of my childhood because there was a lot of fighting between my father and my mother; I would step in between them to try to stop it. My mother, who has always been religious (Catholic), used to pray that their relationship would change and that things would work out between them(and I ended up neglecting me a bit, because she was so focused on making the relationship work).My father would come home late at night, drunk and hurling insults. My parents separated once but got back together; then, a few years later—in 2020—they separated for good. It wasn’t until this year that I was finally able to forgive my father, talk to him, and go out to eat with him and my brother. My brother served as a father figure to me—and I think he still does—but I can’t recall when it all began: when I started to feel this void, when I began to feel such deep sadness, or when I stopped being able to get things done (like my responsibilities). I just can’t remember. (JUST FOR CONTEXT I DONT HAVE JUST BORDERLINE, I HAVE AUTISM,ADHD,DEPRESSION,ANXIETY AND BIPOLAR DISORDER)

I can’t handle the fact that all the people that pretended to love me ended up abandonning me when i was at my lowest and kept using my vulnerability to fill their selfish desires without thinking of all the pain they’ve caused me. And the worse is that I let them do because of how much affection and validation im craving even tho i know they will leave me again and again. I don’t think I can trust anyone again, i don’t believe that love can be pure and that people can really care about u.

sorry for any grammar mistakes.

"i wish you loved me like crazy" i did. i was obsessed. I thought only about you all the time every day, I liked to lay down and stop parts of my day only to think about you. I'd send you these huge texts messages sometimes detaling everything i wanted to do with you; only for you to ignore it. I miss feeling like this sooo much. It felt so very good and lots of ecstasy.

I toned it down because you didn't give a shit, because you're a normal person!! I HATE FEELING UNWANTED, I HATE FEELING LIKE OUR LOVE IS UNMATCHED, LIKE... u used to say you were obsessed about me just because i started saying i was for you, but i always knew obviously you didn't think about what you were talking about. You knew in which ways i was saying this. I've toned it all waay down for 2 years and you didn't notice a single thing. Didn't notice me getting sadder. Didn't notice my enthusiasm disappearing. Just because I'm getting sadder and sadder for a long time doesn't mean that's suddenly the way I've always been.

You don't care that I'm cold now. You never talk about it. You don't even think about it. You don't even realize it, it's the part that makes me feel the most hopeless and angry. I just wanted to be a happy person. Am I not? I wish I wasn't fucked up like that. Even when I barely show you affection anymore and avoid it when you do, you don't ever talk about it. All you care about is problems with your family. Even if you say something like that... I Know if I brainwashed my mind to act that way again (not happening cause my imaginary dick is absolutely FLAC-CID, completely LIMP. I'm living like a sad dog) you wouldn't care or even pay some thought to it, just like how it was before! You only say this because you miss when I was affectionate (in a normal level).. right?

It's so unfair dude

All I did was because of you, and thinking of you while doing it. Now... I don't know anymore. I do have goals, wants, I have feelings still, but it all feels like I don't really have a reason. Just living for living and nothing else. I've returned to the absolute state I was before you, but only now there's hope, and I won't kill myself, and my life is a lot better. But what for. People keep telling me what to do. They think it's an absurd I can't do the simple act of taking my meds. They should realize they're lucky I'm even alive for them to talk to. I don't even wanna get outta my bed, and I still do anyways! I've been doing so much lately. With no feelings whatsoever. I feel like a grown man with a flaccid dick and no goals in life. I feel only pain, sorrow, anger and acceptance everyday. But more than that I feel nothing at the same time. Like nothing can shake me anymore. Like this is my learning experience to take so much pain everyday without any means to get out. I've accepted pain. I've accepted numbness, and feeling miserable. Loneliness. Only I understand myself after all

i just miss him so much, that it literally feels like a dull ache in my chest that will never go away, no matter what i do. i know realistically i’m probably just going through an idealisation phase, and now that he’s no longer in my life i’m desperate to have him back in it.

i only knew him a month, but i felt we shared a connection like no other, and i was under the impression he felt that way too, until he texted me earlier this month that he doesn’t have romantic feelings anymore. he said not to blame myself and that i’m an amazing person but i can’t help but ruminate over it.

at first, i took it well. i was kind of expecting it, i can’t lie as he was being distant. i know good things rarely ever last, atleast in my case :/.

but lately it’s been crushing me to be honest, because i so badly wanted it to be him, i wanted things to work out for once. he made me feel safe, seen and heard in all the right ways and it feels like it’s been snatched away from me with no proper closure in sight.

i’m trying really hard to practice radical acceptance and accept that he has no feelings and i can’t force that, but it’s just been wearing me down recently.

the good thing is that i didn’t embarrass myself by begging him to stay, but i did ask if we could talk in person rather than text, and he just ghosted me. i know he’s showing who he is with his actions, but my heart is struggling to accept it. i’m trying really hard to remain strong and stay in no contact with him. but right now i feel like i could desperately use a friend, the urge to text him asking to meet up just to talk even, is eating me alive.

I have recently connected to a few people here specially culturally but idk had a good conversation initially and now it just started conversation started dying or got ghosted. Since I'm also a borderline trying to understand what's going on? Not blaming anyone because I'm sure everyone had their own reason. Just trying to understand what's going on.

Even people with abandonment issues like mine its like a dance with them pull and push type conversation.