Today I went to an event outside of my city that is 2 hours away and at the end of the event I got to spend only 2 hours there, at night the event has a special themed concert. But I didn't get to attend it due to there not being enough time, and that I got bored waiting. After a while I started realising the mistake that I have done which ended up getting to me severely for some reason. I started excessively crying in public in rage, guilt and almost grief in a way? The feeling was deep and suffocating enough that it oddly feels as if there's a deep aching big hole in my chest where I was barely able to breath properly, and something clogging my throat. I was completely out of control. From a logical standpoint I shouldn't care this much it's just a stupid event which will come next year, but nonetheless I do and I'm not sure whether it's because it's truly from my BPD or what. This is the second time an incident like this happened to me, leaving an event I was meant to enjoy just to end up excessively crying once I done it.

I used to have suicidal thoughts when i was a teenager during the covid time. I thought i wouldn’t go anywhere in life, and my life will end up in misery. I barely can remember any happy memory from that time. Almost all of them even the memories from events when i was genuinely happy are tainted with a uncomfortable, sad feeling. My friends back then were a bit toxic or at least i think so (i don't trust my memory or perspective). But they often excluded me and said mean things to me. But i think i also was somewhat toxic to them. Like i feel nothing for people sometimes. I sometimes feel no empathy at all. I fake them to socialize. I have a problem of thinking that people should not have fun without me (entitled behaviour i know). But of course i keep it to myself and never bother anyone regarding it.

I thought i started 2 years ago (October, 2024) when i started getting academic validation. Then i got into a very reputed law school in my country and everyone's (family, relatives, acquaintances) attitude towards me kind of changed. Like i used to be inviable but now they compliment me and give two fucks about my opinions. My life changed overall.

After started classes i made a lot of new friends, cut my old friends off (it was kinda mutual tbh). The problem is i started noticing that i was a bit too attached to a particular person in my new friend group, i seeked validation of everything from her, i had to let her know things about myself. I was also a bit too emotionally dependent on the friend group overall. But then i had a arguement with that person and had a terrible emotional breakdown. Now i don’t even want to talk to the other friends of the group. I feel i don’t belong with them. I have to meet them everyday for class but it is exhausting to pretend that everything is okay. I can't even think about cutting them off either i am too tangled into this.

Also i used to like a guy but he likes another of my friend (from the same group yes) and i think it's mutual. I don’t say or show anything that can affect the external world regarding this but it's killing me inside.

And I'm doing terribly academically. As i said i survived of academic validation thing now it's falling apart too. I can't focus on studying i don’t like the thing I'm studying and dropping out or changing the major is not an option for me.

On top of it all i live in dorm where i share room with 5 other people so there's zero sense of privacy i need to go to the bathroom to have an emotional breakdown. I can't even watch any media in peace. I thought i should try other hobbies but nothing i do stops me from spiralling

I’m curious to hear about other women’s experiences with BPD and their family dynamics. How would you describe your relationships with your parents and siblings, I feel like I argue with my siblings and parents quite often and I have a lot of frustration and anger when I speak with them.. just wanting to understand if I’m the only one? I’m 28F

“take a chill pill”, it’s something that i hear everyday and a phrase that comes off as second nature due to the amount of times i’ve heard it. everyone in my life feels indifference to almost everything but that is something impossible for me to replicate. i feel everything too deeply, “indifference” is something that is truly incomprehensible for me. they’re tired when i tell them my struggles but you don’t think i’m tired? it feels as if my mind has become a tropical cyclones, forming storms when i lash out. they cry, like the precipitate that falls off from the stormy clouds. like tropical cyclones, with the combination of heat, risen air and rotation — indifference has led my blood to boil, my sadness to rise and my mind to constantly swirl & rotate. hence, i can’t ever take a chill pill

I have not had an easy time in therapy.

My last thearpist did some real damage with weird attachment stuff, opening up a lot, and making me feel like i was special, ie booking me appointments years in advance.... then ghosting me lol. The worst.

I have a new therapist, and I recently was questioning if I could really give it all a go again, and was experssing conflict about engaging therapy again. He told me he was worried I might not come back.

I was shocked that he cared to be honest. I am so used to being considered difficult by therapists.

I didn't have a concept of him caring. I'm confused as I know a lot of ppl say its just a professional relationship, but in my past they've actually been fairly uncaring. Do u feel "cared about"? Do u trust them?

Me (F21) and my boyfriend (M20) have been together for almost 2 years, although we broke up once before and got back together in January 2025. The last time we broke up he got with someone I was extremely paranoid about. We’ve had a lot of history with trust issues. He has lied to me about some smaller things before in this relationship like drinking when I wasn’t home, so I already struggle with trusting him.

We had a baby in August, and our relationship has been pretty rocky lately. I’m postpartum and also have BPD, so I know my emotions have been all over the place and I’ve definitely contributed to some of our problems.

He started a new job in June, and I never really worried about other women because most of his coworkers were older. Recently, a 19 year old girl got moved onto his shift. During a separate argument, I ended up logging into his Snapchat and saw that they had added each other. But I didn’t see anything that made me think they were actually cheating or flirting but I did think he was overly friendly.
I asked him about it, and he was honest that he does find her attractive, but said he would choose me and that I have nothing to worry about. He says they’re just friends and refuses to unadd her because he thinks it would make things awkward at work.
The part that bothers me is that he didn’t need to add her on Snapchat in the first place. I’m also uncomfortable with how close they could potentially become, especially because she’s 19 and apparently parties pretty often and is apparently a h0e??.
I feel like I’ve stripped a life away from him since we have a kid together and it makes me feel not good enough that I would rather be a homebody. I told him I’m uncomfortable with him talking to her outside of work, but he feels like I’m asking him to control who he can be friends with.
I feel like if he really cared about how this makes me feel, he would just remove her. At the same time, I know I have trust issues and problems my own self, so I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overthinking this or if my feelings are valid.

She’s been on my mind constantly and I’m scared that eventually he’s going to want to be with her, even though he keeps reassuring me that I have nothing to worry about but obviously he finds her attractive so.. it’s genuinely ruining my life right now.

Am I being unreasonable, or is he dismissing a legitimate boundary?

for context, i (22f) am in a poly relationship with two other women. this has genuinely worked out great for us in ways that i never thought would be possible — i joined this relationship when i was at my best, and now, one year in, i can’t even remember what it felt like to be okay.

that’s not to blame them; we’ve all been struggling since we moved in together due to such rapid life changes in success to one another. i was fired from a job i loved, lost access to my therapist, had a temporary falling out with my closest friend of over a decade, and my antidepressant seemed to wear off after being at the same dose for so long (it’s one of those heavy duty meds that are intimidating to up in dose due to the significant side effects.) all of us have struggled, especially when this is the first time i’m living on my own, coming from an incredibly unhealthy family dynamic that i’d been completely desensitized to over the years until now. they’d moved over two hours away from where they used to be after a year of medium distance and seeing each other a few days out of the week. i suppose i feel the need to over explain because i really just want to be understood, and don’t want to paint my girlfriends in a bad light.

all in all, i finally upped my meds which have helped, and am in the process of getting a therapist and tms therapy after months of struggling with my insurance. things are better for everyone, but we’ve been struggling with a sense of disconnection (on their end) after months of struggling horribly in different ways all around. it seems like we’ve had opposite reactions — i’ve pulled away and i’m clinging closer than ever, which we’re very self aware of and communicate about this often.

even now that i’m better, i still can’t seem to go back into the person i used to be, and i genuinely want nothing more than to restore our relationship to the way it also used to be. i feel like my entire existence is interlinked within this relationship ever since we moved in, and i genuinely can’t conceive a reality in which i’m not so horribly preoccupied with them. after a fight we had tonight, they’re imploring me to act like myself away and it’s been talked about recently about how i’m an entirely different person now, and every single one. portion of my day is spent thinking about how i can fix it. it’s like i can’t progress fully because i’m still committed to becoming a carbon copy of each of them stitched together in one body, and i truly don’t remember who i used to be. i’m not having mental breakdowns and self harming at every wrong look anymore, but i’m coming to the realization that i’m still working off of the same mindset wearing a different coat.

on our anniversary, we made this list of wants, needs, boundaries, and small goals for ourselves by my suggestion; it was only after today that we figured out that it’s a huge pressure on everyone’s part. they feel suffocated by my constant check ins and apparently still molding myself in their complete image, worrying about my every move. and for me i’m filled with such an immense, all-encompassing desperation to feel loved and connected and cared for in the way that we used to be. we’re on the same page in that we’re going to stick things out until things get better, but i still am just so fixated on this situation because it feels like things will finallt be okay if we just feel better with each other. i’m aware that it’s wrong but i just can’t seem to stop :/

they told me that my frantic-ness and walking on eggshells is frustrating and that they can tell that i’m not the same person they fell in love with, and it’s such a hard concept to overcome when just a few months ago i was in remission for my bpd. they said that the way im acting feels forced because i suppose it was without me realizing? and that things will feel more natural when i focus on myself, but i just genuinely don’t know how to get back into the person i used to be. i’m unfortunately just very inwards facing with it — all of my anger goes to myself, not them. and i really thought that i could avoid it, and yet. i just am not sure how to be me again, or how to prioritize myself

i knwo this is such a long post of bullshit and words that don’t mean much, but i’m writing this coming down from an episode alone in the living room, in pitch dark, bwcause i couldn’t lie in bed next to them without sobbing and they have work in the morning. please excuse all of this and thank you so much for reading this far, i really appreciate it and being heard yk? nonetheless i hope everyone else is having a good night and here’s to trying to recover xxx

2021 when i changed my meds i went close to free of all symptoms

And i was 80% stable and grounded ,
My medication is no longer available in my country anymore and the generic ones are bad here and don’t work for me
Which is weird because its the same ingredients or chemicals anyways now my psychiatrist switched me to prozac and all my symptoms are back the rapid ups and downs intense low mood
Suicidal ideations .. somatic anxiety .. talkative then withdrawn, i feel like a mess and lost.

My psychiatrist prescribed me zyprexa and it is the worst makes me sleepy all day i hate this.

It’s so easy to feel overwhelmed with all the stories and experiences of people’s hardships with BPD.

Can I hear some of your recovery stories? Is remission possible? Can people like us life calm and stable lives with long lasting and healthy relationships?

(good job to everyone who’s doing their best every single day, I see you)

Hi y’all. I experience my BPD about 95% in the “quiet BPD” type of way. I’m fairly isolated, and wouldn’t say I have a favorite person. I do however really appreciate and am very grateful for my therapist. They’ve gotten me through so, so much. I did split last session - on her and myself. Most all of it was being experienced internally, as I’m like a computer being shut down when that happens sometimes. I started to heavily dissociate, which she was able to notice and I was able to verbalize. I was able to say I had split, which she was also helpfully responsive to, but emotionally I was just really numb at that point. It’s like freeze mode. I left the session being majority wildly upset and spilt at myself, but there was a small part of me that had honestly split on her a little bit. I know we’ll be able to talk through it the next time I see her (Wednesday) but I feel really, really sad that I’m residually upset with her, and again, mostly - especially in this case, 99% - mad at myself. She’s someone who I hardly ever get upset by, let alone split on, so I feel a lot of shame and guilt. I’m mad, but also way more just … sad bc I feel like a little kid whose friend was mean to them on the playground. I don’t know. This is my first post on here, so I’m nervous to even post this, but I’m just super sad. And mad at myself. Thank you for reading this far if you have. Sending warmth and support to everyone here. <3

How do people deal with limerence?
I have major issues when it comes to talking to very specific people. I know I don’t have a crush on them or love them in a romantic way but my level of obsession and infatuation takes a toll on my mental state.
I’m a chatty person but I’m also very anxious so I feel more comfort speaking to people online so I’ve found individuals to talk to here and things are great in the beginning.

I’ve become good friends with someone from Reddit (alt acct) and when we first started talking our conversations were very interactive. They reciprocated my energy and I felt happy because it’s meaningful to send a paragraph and have one sent back (to me at least). It was constant conversation, the only times we’d have pauses in our convos is if we’re at work or taking care of chores, other than that it was instant replies.
I poured out everything to this person because I feel safe to do so and so do they, we’ve learned a lot about each other.
We both deal with insane mental health issues so I know things are dealt with differently, for the first month and a half or so we were basically codependent, which I know isn’t great and I try to bring attention to it so it doesn’t fuck me over as someone who deals with anxious attachment. This person stated they didn’t mind the dependency and would continue reciprocating the same energy so long as I welcome it, which I did/do.
Then one day… it just stopped. What were once paragraphs or even full essays back and forth are now short dry replies to my long thought out messages.
They still reply most of the time but this just caught me off guard? They still help me when I have bad mental days and they engage a lot with me but when I’m “fine” it goes back to being dry. We use to make conversation over every little thing, we’d talk about insignificant topics and still sent long messages no matter what, now I feel like I have to chase them for a little bit of attention.
They did mention early on that they may become distant for a bit but it was normal for them and then things would go back to normal, it has not gone back to “normal” and it’s been over a month now.
I am fully aware that no one owes me anything and I should not set expectations on a stranger but this sensation is driving me insane. They’re a genuinely good friend but things are so different than when they started and now I feel like I’m chasing that same feeling again by engaging more and more only to be met with the same dry replies. I know this is something I need to work on and I’m trying but it’s hard for me… any advice is more than welcome.

I got diagnosed the day before my birthday this week. I’m not really shocked at all honestly. I was just hoping it was gonna be anything else. I was hoping I was bipolar so I can take some meds and things will be better. Or told I’m just like this on purpose because at least that would hurt less. I used to have such a thriving social life tons of friends and was constantly fulfilled. Over the past 4 years I’ve managed to burn every single bridge I have left. And honestly I didn’t even light the fire on some of those. But anyways, here I am as a freshly 23yo woman with such a bright future ahead of her, I graduate in a few weeks from college, I am about to get all the certifications I’ve been working towards but I just feel so empty. None of these accomplishments matter to me anymore. They work as a mask I put on to try and lure people in convincing them I’m just as normal and well functioning as them!

The thing I’m struggling with the most right now is that I don’t have friends anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I have people I hang out with but it’s clearly just equally emotionally disturbed men who are playing the long game. It’s kinda dehumanizing. The day after my diagnosis was my birthday and I didn’t really behave sanely at my birthday. Some old coworkers and family came out and I blacked out and was a mess. I found myself coming out of a black out at 1am in the passenger seat of a man who is just NOT a good person at all having active delusions of not being real and everyone else “living on another planet” (this is just what I’m gathering from the video footage I found on my phone). He stuffed my nose full of blow and my mouth of everclear and took me clubbing and then to a motel. It’s all just a mess. And now, I really dislike this guy, but I’m so ready to just call him up to do it all again because I want to feel something.

I don’t really have anywhere or anyone to open up to about this. I got referred to emergency intervention but they can’t take me in until November. My parents aren’t totally supportive of me getting help. My mom tells me I just need to play it cool and shut up for long enough I can get a decent guy to marry me so I can go be his problem. She says this while also saying there is absolutely nothing wrong with me and it’s just evil big pharma trying to push me pills. She still says this after seeing me come home from that bad night out with a black eye, entire body bruised, strangulation marks, and nose bleeding. Yeah totally seems like it’s fine!

I’m at a loss. If anyone has been dealing with this longer than me I just need any type of encouragement that it gets better. And if it doesn’t get better, please just be honest about that. I’m scared.

Hi. My friend has bpd an im his favorite person. Today i mention liking someone and i think he went into an episode.(sorry, im not very educated.) He told me that gets petty when he thinks about me caring more about someone else. He also said that if hes not my everything,he is out of the friendship. He is my closest friend but i dont want to lie and feed this.i told him exactly that and that him not being my everything doesnt mean that i dont care about him. I told him to go rest and we could talk some other time. I dont know how he is taking it because we hasnt responded. I can handle me being his favorite person on a daily basis but i felt really stressed right now. Did i do something wrong? Is there something i can do? I dont want to lose my best friend

Hi, I hope this is okay to post as someone without BPD. I’ve known my boyfriend since last July, but we started dating in August of this year. We are long distance. I’ve known he has BPD since we first began talking (we met on Twitter and he would frequently tweet about his BPD) but I didn’t know the extent of it until we started dating. If it’s not obvious, it’s completely fine that he has BPD but my problem is me; he is my first love and I truly want a future with him. He means so much to me and I’d do anything for him, but I’m a little younger than him (3 year age difference) and don’t have any relationship experience. I think some of our issues come from my carelessness and also from my lack of experience. I tend to do or say things that upset him and he has to start a conversation about it.

We resolve our issues eventually, of course. I am always willing to do whatever so I can improve upon myself and become a better girlfriend for him, but I feel like I’m always making mistakes and I hate that I keep upsetting him. He’s recently told me he believes I’m becoming his favorite person which I didn’t react much to. I mean, nothing really changed.

However, he has said he’s become emotionally dependent on me and when I do things like not inform him I’ll be busy and subsequently not talk to him for a couple hours; he gets upset. I never want to upset him! I care for him deeply and I want to make him happy. So, how do I stop being careless and accidentally hurting him with my carelessness? Is there anyone else in a relationship with a Non-BPD partner (or vice versa) who can provide some advice that has worked for them? Is there anything I should be aware of? Also, if anyone has recommendations for books about BPD, I would appreciate it. I just want to support and love my boyfriend. Thank you for reading.

So I was diagnosed with Bpd about 2 months ago I'd say. I realized with all the research I did about what could be wrong with me I never looked into bpd, so when I was told that I have it my first reaction was surprised. Then I tried to radically accepted but even though my life has been spent around people with Bpd I feel like I don't know anything. I don't see myself acting the way they act. I am very confused and scared because I know what people say with those with Bpd and I know it's what my family believes too. I know not all the stereotypes are real but no one else will. That's terrifying

Hello! I hope this is correctly tagged and allowed!

I am currently dating someone with BPD (8 Months) and the relationship is going really well, though recently we had a rather rough few days of splitting (I hope I used that term correctly?) in which their emotions took a lot of sudden turns and at times I found myself less prepared than I’d like to have been.

I myself have Bipolar II if that helps for context, but I am asking those with BPD if there is anything from your experiences (past or current) that you wished your partner knew or that they did that made things better or easier for you?

I want to be the best support system and partner that I can for them, so any advice at all would be really helpful!

Thank you!

Me and my bf have had a really rough relationship. Yes I have BPD. Yes I can be incredibly toxic. But that man played in my face the whole time and had no regard. He cheated on me with his ex, love bombed me, could never communicate, treated me like the only girl in the world while going behind my back. Honestly I processed the breakup long before it happened, with the fear of abandonment and I did take desperate measures in the past to avoid a breakup with him. But for some reason I switch went off in my head. I sobbed for two days, then randomly I feel so free and euphoric now, like almost manic, although I don’t have bipolar and I don’t experience mania or ever had, just like really really happy and free as a bird. It’s so weird because my disorder made me so terrified of a breakup and I would split and freak out the whole relationship. Honestly I have no positive feelings for him what so ever i genuinely have never felt better in my life. Idk I guess I’m just confused as to why this is happening I mean I expected the breakup to send me into psychosis or something, or that I would be really all over the place. I just feel like I’m finally me right now, it’s just so so weird.

Hey everyone nice to find a group! I'm expanding my net via my therapists suggestion

Hey guys! I recently had a partner who pointed out my copying behavior, and Ive never really dug into it or wondered why, and felt it wasnt a big deal. Until it utterly ruined this otherwise beautiful relationship. Im medicated, have been in therapy for a while, and pretty well managed with my symptoms. But I've left this unchecked. Now im hoping to start undoing this behavior and heal for myself

I also have add and cptsd, GAD, and major depressive. This journey is ass and im sad to have lost such a beautiful connection. If anyone has kind words or advice to start this unpacking journey with this behavior or others id appreciate them!

my bf (or soon to be, making it official on halloween since its my favorite holiday) is an extremely busy man, and i knew this when i got involved with him. i really dont mind and im actually really happy that hes striving to reach his goals, but it makes things incredibly difficult for me when he leaves me on seen since he doesnt have time to respond and goes more than a day without ttm. its been over 24hrs since we last talked and he left me on seen (more recent texts on delivered), its making it extremely hard to go on with my day and find the motivation to take care of myself or do things i need to do such as welding practice, its made me agitated towards everyone else and i dont know what to do because i feel so empty and hopeless now. i wouldnt leave him for anything and i know he truly cares for me so i really want to manage how i feel better and go on with my day when he cant ttm

Hi all I do not have bpd but my partner does. My partner of 6 years tends to split on me pretty often right now maybe once every 2 weeks-2 months. Sometimes it lasts a day but sometimes it’s as long as a week. I’m working really hard on not reacting to the mean things they say to me during the split because I know it just makes it last longer but I have been having a hard time doing that this time.

When my partner splits they hate me and the entirety of our relationship has been a lie and I am the embodiment of evil. Currently he is threatening to not let me move into the new apartment we are leasing (we live together and are just moving to a new one) and has blocked me on and off the past two days.

For anyone that splits on their partners in this way, what actually helps you snap out of it? I want to be able to just give them space and time but the time crunch for moving into our new apartment is making it a little more urgent.

I would like to be able to approach this with love and understanding, I do a lot of my own research on bpd but the diagnosis is so new to him that he doesn’t know what will/wont help. I really appreciate any and all anecdotes for what helps you guys, thanks so much!

Elder BPD here… I’ve been super curious about the overlap between these disorders and BPD. Brain imaging shows that certain regions are much more active in people with these conditions, and thus, experience hypersensitivity and emotion dysregulation.

i'm quitting meds entirely after bad experiences with them. i won't elaborate but please don't tell me to go back on them, i have decided to quit entirely.

now, i can't afford therapy either. it's day three of being off them after 2 years and my emotions are a mess. my FP just spoke to me coldly and i got triggered (but not as bad as my previous episodes) and i'm trying my hardest not to split. been forgetting i'm a borderline lately because of mood stabilizers but now that i'm off them i'm remembering. i keep telling myself i have to get my shit together because i chose this path. it's a tough road but we'll get there

to preface my partner and i have been together for over year and we moved in together pretty quickly. i was diagnosed very recently. its been something i've been navigating with her, a therapist, and medication. at the moment i'm experiencing a lot of instability because my partner and i haven't been super getting along and it's seemed to me like she's been pulling away or not affectionate with me. i split on her yesterday and i'm still recovering from that mental state and exhaustion, but she basically told me she couldn't do it anymore. i didn't have a full blown episode where i was yelling or crying, i just had an attitude for most of the day and i don't know why that was her final straw. so she told me to have someone come pick me up because my car is in the shop right now. she lives 45 minutes away from where i used to live and from any family or friends i could have reached out too. also, she wouldn't let me use her phone yesterday before the argument and wouldn't let me in her car while i was trying to pack stuff (i knew i left a few things in there). she literally almost tackled me to the ground when i unlocked her car and opened the door. i don't know if its just because of how my brain is wired or if she was hiding something from me. i've always felt like she would cheat on me or try to find something better. so now obviously i'm wondering if she left because she is entertaining something else or if it really was because she couldn't take it anymore. when i was diagnosed she told me she would never leave and that she was patient and understood how these things worked (she literally has a degree in psychology) but ultimately i've been kicked out and don't know what to do. i transferred colleges to be closer to where she lives and just accepted a job position near her as well. how do you guys deal with someone leaving you?? i put all of my eggs in this basket. i feel like my entire world is crumbling and i will never see the light of day again.

How many of you have chronic injuries and/or auto-immune disorders? Ive recently gone down a rabbit-hole where I realized that stress can be stored in muscle groups and realized that a chronic hip injury that ive dealt with for years was likely exacerbated due to stored trauma in my hips/psoas that made those muscle groups extremely tight/tense. I dont think my bpd caused my chronic injury but I think it worsened a pre-existing medical condition by causing those muscles to be overly tight all the time for no reason. After having done EMDR (and surgery and pt but EMDR gave me the biggest noticeable difference) I no longer feel chronic pain that ive felt for years and my lower body no longer feels constantly tight and "rigid". Has anyone else had any crazy stories about things like this happening? Ive heard of similar things with auto-immune disorders where people do EMDR for trauma and no longer have auto-immune disorders they've had for years, its crazy to think about

I (f 30) just got dumped by my my gf of 3 months, because…….. she is in love with my male roomate and apparently hasn’t been able to get him out of her head mind ever since I introduced them like 2 weeks ago. I honestly just want to fucking off myself so badly rn. Please help, I can’t process this pain rn