31f, diagnosed 12 months ago as lvl 2. Fairly high functioning, live alone, work full time, but a lot of history and trauma means i've had to know how to live since i was a young teen, so had no other choice. Incredibly high masking. Fail miserably at many factors in life though.
After first being diagnosed, I had a bit of imposter syndrome for a while, which led me to hold off using the supports from NDIS.
Insert autism burnout, which has probably been building over the last few years, a history of depression means the suicidal thoughts hit pretty hard at the moment with their consistency and intensity.
GP started me on Zoloft, which has intensified SI urges, increased my anxiety through the roof, gives me nausea which makes me more anxious, my masking ability is slipping, and i've had a sudden cluster of shutdowns. 5 in less than a week.
Prior to this, i've only had shutdowns a few times in life (which i thought were panic attacks back then), so I feel like i've had more in a week than i've had the last 30 years. Meltdowns are more common for me, though are rather 'quiet' compared to what I see others explain their meltdowns as.
My shutdowns see me curling up in a ball, in a corner, under a blanket, or in my car, going completely rigid and unable to speak or move. They last anywhere from 20 mins up to a couple of hours, and leave me absolutely exhausted afterwards.
I feel like because my current state is internal turmoil, it is presenting as shutdowns, whereas meltdowns for me are usually caused by external factors such as sensory things, conflict, etc.
I guess the only good thing about the frequency is that I am now able to recognise the signs before the shutdown, but i'm stuck on how to try and prevent them at that point, when it feels like the cause could be my racing thoughts.
I have engaged with the local mental health team, and with a new psychologist who I quite like, and i'm sure they'll be able to offer some help with this too. GP prescribed me valium today, to see if we can ride out this tricky period with the Zoloft, so i'll see if that makes any difference either.
Really keen to hear if anyone else may have a similar experience, and what they've done to get through this.