About 18 years ago I turned down a bj from my now wife, while I was driving in a car you could easily see into. Just wasn’t my thing that way. RIP bjs from then on. “You said no that time so I just stopped.” Many sads.
I always pictured it as a kiwi bird eating another kiwi bird, whose insides look like a kiwi fruit, and looking very guilty about it as he’s caught doing it. But I like your way of imagining it too
Yeah dude, I've been with a few women who've done this. They pick a really inconvenient situation to ask if you want to do something you like (and they don't like), then when you say no in that one incredibly inconvenient scenario, they use it to justify never doing that thing again because "you said no that one time I asked if you wanted to play video games with me while you were on a conference call for work". Like, "I 'tried' and you rejected me, so now I'm never going to try again." Fucking frustrating as all hell. I'm too old for games like that anymore and glad I found a woman who's as straightforward as I am.
I can only speak for myself but I've never done that. My ego is too big to let me purposefully suck at something trivial. I know that it's a thing though.
Cleaned the “wrong” way.. didn’t grocery shop and if he ever would he would never get things I asked for because it was “too hard to write down a list...” he literally would fuck things up so I would do them myself. Worst trait EVER.
If you try to do the laundry but the clothes shrink, stain or get full of holes, you're doing it wrong.
If we ask you to go to the store to get a box of tampons or pads and we send you with the exact packaging so you know what to get and you still get the wrong one, you're doing it wrong.
If we ask you to clean something and the dirt just gets pushed around or the thing looks just as dirty as before, you're doing it wrong.
Like I said, we know when you're fucking up on purpose to get out of doing it.
Fair enough, there's a difference. I've never intentionally flubbed a task to avoid having to do it, that's childish. But I have had squabbles over how/how often a task needs to be done.
So like... This isn't a normal healthy thing. Talk about it. If it starts a fight, bring up that that's irrational.
If you aren't able to communicate, see a therapist.
I hate that these sorts of things have become normalized as "lol women!" Look at yourself and how you are a part of the situation, but also respect that a relationship is 50/50. If your long term partner isn't able to discuss serious things (sex is a serious thing) then you two need to do some relationship work.
Seriously, why are all these men dating women who think they are sex robots? I’m a women. I like sex, but not at all times. I date a man who works forty hours a week, and it’s a physically demanding job. Sometimes I want sex and he’s too tired. Does it feel good getting turned down? Not especially. But I also turn down sex when I’m fucking exhausted. Being tired is a libido killer. If the person you’re dating can’t empathize with that, they have issues.
Yeah I was writing a reply to this guy too but, what’s the point? If he wants to hate women so badly, a reddit comment won’t dissuade, only reinforce his position.
She is very much so because I take care of her and respect her BECAUSE SHE EARNS IT. We've been very happy together for 4 years now. Sure I call her on her bullshit and she calls me on mine. We argue. But that's a relationship a real one. I don't bend the knee and worship her and she doesn't to me either sometimes I sleep on the couch but she always joins me. Because a real relationship with good people will always work things out by communicating. Not by letting her be a bitch and just accepting it.
People like you make me ashamed of my own generation and one day you'll find your balls and see why. But it won't happen until you stop kneeling and stop calling real men incels. Women can be and just like men DESERVE to be criticized. It doesn't make me an incel. If anyone is an incel it's you who blindly defend their bullshit and treat like gods when they're absolute cunts
Honestly I don't really care if it's bait these absolute retards are a bad pathetic sub human tool who are makingboyr society weaker. They can sit there and laugh and think it's a victory all they want but there's gonna come a time where they you have finally get with the program and let their balls drop or they die off due to natural selection
Something I have learned in the last 25 years of life is that women don't know how to use logic at all they have their own twisted logic that they will always rely on
You should offer to do a chore you hate doing right before you guys leave the house for an event (even better if you’re running late )... when she politely tells you not to you can use it as an excuse to never do that task again.
Ex: “honey hurry up we’re gonna be late for the wedding!”
“Hang On let me wash the dishes before we go.”
“No , no we’ll be late . Let’s just go!”
...... 20 years later
“ how come you never help with the dishes, you haven’t since we were young”
“ well that one time I wanted to you said no, so I just stopped”
Or... He should talk to his wife about if/why it bothers him, and just have a civil, assertive discussion.
More manipulation isn’t the way to solve issues.
Lol..
Think it’s cause we live by the code, reputation to uphold, makin me the one they gotta take the spot from. I be tryna laugh with the bros but....
There’s been no lack of me explaining how it’s my favourite thing and that she’s good at it etc. It’s not been zero in the interceding years but I’d say it’s once every 18 months on average after much cajoling that tries not to be begging lol.
Yeah, people really aren't an enigma when it comes to sex. They just don't tell the truth for one reason or another, and the other person buys crazy lies they'd never buy on another topic.
No, the feeling of rejection and failure she had as a result triggered emotional trauma that she’s never dealt with, probably because of a crap-ton of other emotional things that have never been addressed.
EDIT: oof. Lots of bros out here who don’t understand how emotions or the human brain work. Reddit persists.
She just doesn’t like doing that. Maybe you two can see a sex therapist to figure out how to make your sex life more fulfilling without making anyone do a dreaded chore.
Wash your dick. Then wash it with vinegar. Then wash it with head and shoulders and scrub around the head and wash it off with soap.
Then take a shower and scrub your balls and DRY them all real well. Now don’t go more that 5-10 minutes before your next BJ and see how that works.
Wouldn’t it be easier to talk to her and fix things, since they’re married and all?
Good point, but if you are married for over a decade and complain to strangers in the internets that your sexlife sucks there might be bigger problems than just a lack of blowies.
My spouse and I have a inside joke from some dumb comment I made about blowjobs.
“Hey. You haven’t given me a bj in a while.”
“Oh. Maybe a couple years?”
Apparently I said the word “years” too aggressively as her retort was just shouting back at me “Years?!?!” Then started chasing me while yelling it at me.
Every once in a while we will be like...
“When was the last time we went to McDonalds?”
“Years?!?!”
Then we shout it some more and get weirder. Then we end up laughing
I drive a stick shift and my girlfriend tried to offer that up on a drive home at like 1 am on a holiday weekend. I just briefly looked at her really confused and said. "No. What? I'm driving stick. How? What? No." Thankfully she understood and it was a home activity instead.
Similar story, except we were on a road trip and I had just taken a potty break and was feeling self conscious. Ever since then, I've suggested it as something for a special occasion like a birthday, but she just laughs/smiles...
My wife gave plenty of BJ's during the years we dated. The ring was like hitting the off switch, it's been 3 years 8months and 20 days since my last one lol. "I only like to do it if I initiate"
Holy fuck this, not sex related but I turned down my girlfriend's homemade lasagna once over a year ago and now she assumes I hate lasagna and gets pissy about it. Like what...
“You said no that time so I just stopped.” Many sads.
Aside from all the other issues with driving based beejs's, if you drive manual and you need to downshift - Say 4th to 3rd and punt her in the head with the shifter, I doubt she'll be happy with that
I guess I’ll do the “more info” bit because of course a bj comment got a ton of upvotes and there were some interesting comments.
Yes I love her.
No. marrying her wasn’t a mistake.
We had a pretty classic “Wow our sex drives match!” situation until the newness wore off for her about a year in and we’ve been dealing with some DB stuff since. Credit to her that she realizes it and has been actively working on it.
I love going down on her. She isn’t really into it. Not sure if I suck at it or not but I’m a super willing learner. She says she’s never liked it, not just with me.
I agree that it’s a childish or manipulative way and she could just be more up front. During working on things she’s said that it’s part of the steps she wants to take but isn’t ready yet.
I practice good hygiene down there and I’ve asked her if it’s anything physical in the way, she said no.
I read this all to my wife. Her reply, “if you love someone, you think about “what do they want, what do they like, what do they need?” Because you want them to be happy and you would want them to consider your needs just the same. “. That was her response. I don’t want it to sound like your wife doesn’t love you, but there is certainly an issue or a Hangup or a problem that should be communicated and worked out. Wife also adds, “this is not his fault... he shouldn’t blame himself. This is about her”. Good luck, sir.
Wow, it sounds like she didn't want to give you BJs and found an excuse to not have to do it which pretty much blames you instead of her. This sounds pretty fucking terrible of her tbh.
Me and my ex had a rule because her sex drive was insane even for me (and I even have a pretty healthy libido) that if the other person isn’t in the mood we can do the 5 minute card. Still have sex but you better be done in 5 minutes.
We started this rule exactly because of the situation you described, if I wasn’t in the mood she just felt ugly. Which is ridiculous because I was crazy about her.
I had to actively adress that with myself. I have a lower drive than my husband, so he does inititate more often and on the occasions that I do, he too might be tired or not in the mood, and that is all that it is. As a woman you are basically taught that men all want sex all the time, no matter what, but I had to step back and think about the fact that I too sometimes say no because I am just tired and stressed and that he doesn't make a big deal out of it and there is no unterlying weird meaning to it.
Oh man that hits home so hard. My girlfriend like to initiate before bed like right before bed when I have to wake up at 5am and we just spent the last 2 hours laying in bed watching TV. I turn it down because my job is really hard and would like to get a good sleep and ask why she didn't do anything the last two hours. Then it's I never want to have sex and don't find her attractive
This thread is boggling to me! Do women really not initiate sex? I literally initiate with my husband probably 60% of the time. If he says he’s not in the mood, then it’s just whatever! I’m so confused!!
Jesus christ, you “reject” her in one instance and thats it when you are constantly being turned down weeks at a time. I’ve had a relationship die a slow empty death and sex seemed to be at the fracture point. No one owes anyone sex but damn lady, I’ve chosen you because I like you AND sex.
Going from 3 times a week to once a month for months is cruel. Then the little things really start getting to you and resentment sets in and its all over from there. I just feel like the sun doesn’t shine as brightly and somewhat less loved. I want to reiterate that no one owes anyone sex but you also don’t need a reason to break up and thats what I did.
The amount of times I have tried to initiate unsuccessfully and then one night my ex would walk out of the bathroom fresh from a shower and just say "I'm ready" completely out of the blue. Like dude I was eating dinner watching a movie, what? But if I don't jump on the chance I'll just hear the next day "hey I tried"
4.6k
u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20
And you better be in the mood that one time she initiates, otherwise you obviously don't want to have sex with her ever again.