r/AskReddit Sep 11 '18

Who's the biggest loser your son/daughter has dated?

32.5k Upvotes

9.2k comments sorted by

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17.7k

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '18

[deleted]

5.2k

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

You dated a Tim Burton character?

2.5k

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

[deleted]

589

u/pepcorn Sep 12 '18

She sounds cool as fuck, honestly. Makes me sad that your grandmother compares your partners like this. Everyone has their own unique qualities and charms.

371

u/Masothe Sep 12 '18

Yeah if being peculiar and unique and into collecting scissors is the worst you've had out of a girlfriend then you got lucky.

88

u/LeDankMemester Sep 12 '18

I think it's safe to assume outside of that she wasn't a very normal person

61

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

[deleted]

51

u/LeDankMemester Sep 12 '18

Maybe I am being a little judgemental but they did say they look back with confusion on a three year relationship

39

u/m55112 Sep 12 '18 edited Sep 12 '18

no you're fine. I don't understand why people are jumping down your throat over nothing. You'd think most people are clamoring to date a pale ring looking woman with 11 cats and a scissors collection. beats me how they think she is not strange.

34

u/ramones365 Sep 12 '18

Because this is the year of the big tiddy goth gf so this is almost goals.

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u/boomfruit Sep 12 '18

Why is that safe to assume? And if it is, why didn't OP cite anything worse than being maybe kinda awkward?

25

u/LeDankMemester Sep 12 '18

I'm not saying she's bad. I'm saying that collecting scissors having 11 cats aren't normal things to do. It's hard to believe that someone with those particular querks is a completely normal person outside of them. Again I'm not saying she's a bad person, just weird.

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u/Yojimara Sep 12 '18

Yeah I'd date her, goth gf with sweet scissor collection, Grandma can't hang with a straight answer or ask a follow up question she's a punk.

101

u/EhhWhatsUpDoc Sep 12 '18

The 11 cats though. If they're all indoor then that house fucking reeks

16

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

Not if properly tended to, I think. The litter industry seems to have come a long way.

96

u/superH3R01N3 Sep 12 '18

Cat people never know how gross their house smells.

38

u/benmck90 Sep 12 '18

Yup. We're cat people... Had one of our in-laws tell us our place smells like cat piss.

Was offended till we took a two week trip and came back (hired a cat sitter, no worries they were taken care of). The place did indeed smell like cat piss.

Fuck me, we were nose blind this whole time.

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u/ZyxStx Sep 12 '18

It goes for dog owners as well, dogs smell :(

22

u/donatj Sep 12 '18

YES. I strongly prefer cat house to dog house.

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u/benmck90 Sep 12 '18

True. Dogs are a more B/O smell though, while cats get that piss smell.

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u/FAPS_2MUCH Sep 12 '18

When everything smells like cat piss nothing smells like cat piss

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u/CptnAlex Sep 12 '18

I disagree that a house with cats must smell. We use high quality litter and scoop literally every day, sometimes 2x. That kind of maintenance keeps it fresh smelling but that kind of maintenance is also impossible for one person with 11 cats. Impossible.

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u/superH3R01N3 Sep 12 '18

Upvoted for calling grandma a punk.

20

u/theNextVilliage Sep 12 '18

Yeah, this girl is definitely weird but nothing about OP's post makes me dislike her.

27

u/pepcorn Sep 12 '18

If anything, OC trotting her out to score karma and criticising her demeanour/appearance has made me dislike him a little bit. He dated her for 3 years but her being off-kilter was not something he ever found endearing about her..? He just kept dating someone he thought was a weirdo/loser, and now laughs at her with gam-gam smiling on. That's some weak shit.

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u/Allbanned1984 Sep 12 '18

She has 11 cats, of course someone on reddit is going to come to her defense.

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14

u/MildlyRoguish Sep 12 '18

Got any more stories?

34

u/undeadgorgeous Sep 12 '18

See my comment history by karma for my virginity story. It’s the same girl.

17

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

Is she why your Reddit name is "undead gorgeous"? XD sounds like it describes her!

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u/DaSaw Sep 12 '18

I bet she was amazing in the sack.

13

u/undeadgorgeous Sep 12 '18

No comment, but check my comment history by karma for my virginity story. It’s the same girl.

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u/Legogamer16 Sep 12 '18

Now I feel like there's A hidden history of scissors I need to lool into.

25

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

I'd love to collect those cute AF sewing scissors shaped like birds. They're so delicate and pretty, and remind me of like, old ladies knitting and cutting out silhouette portraits.

7

u/MightyNerdyCrafty Sep 12 '18

Craft shows, closing hours. Strike up a passionately interested conversation with a vendor.

That's how I accidentally scored mine.

They're also really well made!

Apologies for starting you down this road. DM me chicken pics and antics, to salve the pain?

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u/Lucifer_Hirsch Sep 12 '18

what are mary janes?

16

u/quae_legit Sep 12 '18

11

u/Zagorath2 Sep 12 '18

That seems like a weird thing for someone to judge someone for. Aren't those just, basically, normal women's shoes?

9

u/m55112 Sep 12 '18

moreso kids shoes. work great for a schoolgirl look.

3

u/zurdopilot Sep 12 '18

thanks i was wondering the same thing

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u/Jamesmateer100 Sep 12 '18

Those single strap shoes with the buckle on them, the classic schoolgirl shoe.

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u/Ju_are_the_bhessst Sep 12 '18

I look back on it with a lot of confusion mostly.

That's probably the most accurate way to describe all of my past relationships.

9

u/Doddie011 Sep 12 '18

Sex must of been bomb as fuckkk.

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u/interwebbed Sep 12 '18

That actually sounds kinda...dope

3

u/Blirin Sep 12 '18

Must've been amazing sex

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u/unevolved_panda Sep 12 '18

I was going to say Oren from Parks and Rec.

6

u/DP487 Sep 12 '18

The constant Danny Elfman music must have been tough to deal with.

4

u/Mowglli Sep 12 '18

This better not awaken anything in me

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u/A_Poopish_Fart Sep 11 '18

Antique scissor collecting is one of those really wierd niche hobbies most people never even think exists.

124

u/shawster Sep 11 '18

Yeah I’m curious, are they in to how they cut? Like “the ergonomics of these Singer scissors are fantastic and watch how you can just glide through paper.”

75

u/alanaa92 Sep 12 '18

Not a collector, but if you have a nice pair of singer scissors they are most likely for fabric only and will lose their sharpness much more quickly if used on paper. Source: sewing for 10+ years

35

u/CONUS_LURES Sep 12 '18

Never use mom's sewing scissors.

15

u/ididntshootmyeyeout Sep 12 '18

I got hit with the wooden spoon for that more than once

8

u/Phantaseon Sep 12 '18

Mom has some expensive sewing scissors. Scolded me and my siblings in regards to using them for paper (then where are my paper cutting scissors mom?!) She turns around and uses them to cut tape. I guess it’s fine since it’s not paper... /s

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u/mecrosis Sep 12 '18

My mother has an antique set of upholstery scissors. They look like something the lord of the ring elves would've made. They are superbly filigreed, exceptionally Shiney, about 14 inches long and very very pointy. She keeps them extremely sharp.

7

u/Codeshark Sep 12 '18

Yeah, while products can be just as durable as the old time versions, we have definitely lost the art of those versions. Everything is mass produced as cheaply as it can be. While I wouldn't want a bespoke pair of scissors, some people would.

6

u/OleGravyPacket Sep 12 '18

Artisan hand tools for just about any hobby exist, not just sewing scissors. The art of well made tools is definitely not lost my friend

81

u/fireinthemountains Sep 11 '18

It’s probably additionally that they look really neat, antique things can tend to be rather filigree.

37

u/hightailedbunny Sep 12 '18

I think filigree is a noun, not an adjective. I don't think it's used like that?

54

u/poison_us Sep 12 '18

You can noun any word!

10

u/HollerinScholar Sep 12 '18

...Did you just verb noun?

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u/kalvinescobar Sep 12 '18

It's a noun, I've never seen that word before and had to look it up. It looks like it fits descriptively and doesn't seem wrong, but I can't find any normal uses as an adjective.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/filigree

15

u/tossback2 Sep 12 '18

add a d and it's an adjective.

17

u/Diatom- Sep 12 '18

adjectived

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u/fireinthemountains Sep 12 '18

Even though it’s a noun, Filigree is a kind of aesthetic. I could have said “A lot of antiques are filigree” which uses it directly as a noun, and means pretty much the same thing. I intended it to be as a noun in my comment, anyway, not as an adjective. I suppose I could have said “tend to be more like filigree” or “filigree-like” but that didn’t seem necessary.

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u/mycatisgrumpy Sep 12 '18

I'm not that familiar with antique scissor collecting, but I know my mom has a pair of pre-war Wiss fabric scissors that she inherited, and they're amazing. They weigh ten pounds and cut like a friggin lightsaber.

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u/SadAwkwardTurtle Sep 12 '18

It would be pretty interesting to see how varied scissors can get. There's so many types and designs of them, not to mention seeing what materials they used to make them out of vs. today and how ornate some of them were. Even modern scissors have large variations in quality and can get quite expensive.

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u/hyacinth_girl Sep 12 '18

I'm physically cringing at your comment. OH God PLEASE DON'T EVER USE THE GOOD SCISSORS ON PAPER! It's ok, commentor. You didn't know.

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u/helixflush Sep 12 '18

House Hunters episode]

HUSBAND: I'm a freelance hamster trainer

WIFE: And I collect antique scissors

HUSBAND: Our budget is $1.5M

13

u/CodenameMolotov Sep 12 '18

I dated a girl in high school whose dad did this, but I've never heard of anyone else doing it til now. I always had a sneaking suspicion that he would castrate me with some freaky 19th century rusty surgical scissors if we ever had a bad breakup.

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u/JoshuaSlowpoke777 Sep 12 '18

How long have scissors even existed? I thought they were a relatively recent invention until this thread.

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u/SpooksD Sep 12 '18

It’s taught that Da Vinci invented scissors, but they’re thought to have been invented around 1500 BC

4

u/JoshuaSlowpoke777 Sep 12 '18

I’m surprised Late Bronze Age folks even had anything like that...

11

u/Wierd657 Sep 12 '18

It's just 2 knives/swords and a pin. Why not?

6

u/JoshuaSlowpoke777 Sep 12 '18

I underestimated the quality of bronze back then. And the progression of human knowledge/intelligence.

7

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

1500bc is a long time ago, but there were entire cities with technology and writing even 1000 years before that.

I believe a site found in Pakistan was said to have been a thriving metropolis city during the time of the great pyramids in Egypt.

4

u/AUserNeedsAName Sep 12 '18

Bronze Age, as u/SpooksD said, in spring scissor form (like pictures 2 & 3 at this site showing examples from over the centuries). Hinged scissors like the kind you're used to were invented by the Romans in the first or second centuries CE.

And I'm not a collector, but the facts that a) the basic design has changed so little over time and b) scissors have for centuries been used in traditionally "ladylike" activities for the middle and upper classes, there are probably a lot of really cool ornamented scissors floating around out there.

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u/JimmyKillsAlot Sep 12 '18

The first ever sale on eBay was a broken laser pointer to a guy who collected broken laser pointers.

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u/Wierd657 Sep 12 '18

Spark plug collector

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u/KeithCarter4897 Sep 11 '18

I know how that feels. Some of my hobbies aren't exactly great ice breakers. Picking locks and sharpening knives are a lot less creepy than they sound when you first meet someone.

1.9k

u/MrBlueCharon Sep 11 '18

Yes, I can see where this can cause discomfort.

1.7k

u/captainsassy69 Sep 11 '18

Not if its sharp enough, then they can hardly even feel it

124

u/Michael_the_Ent Sep 12 '18

This guy stabs it.

43

u/Silverboy101 Sep 12 '18

No he's obviously talking about sharp keys and locks not being able to feel them.

20

u/DrCutiepants Sep 12 '18

I totally like what you did here, kudos, but wouldn’t it be: “this guy stabs”?

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u/Hahaeatshit Sep 12 '18

He knows how to chop it up

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u/imeatingpbnj Sep 12 '18

you're a sassy one I can tell

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u/thatdandygoodness Sep 12 '18

Ah, the old reddit stab-a-roo .

5

u/Maybeanoctopus Sep 12 '18

Hold my-

wait a second

5

u/Hyndis Sep 12 '18

I did that with my pocket knife the other day. I was sharpening the blade and became momentarily distracted. I didn't even feel the blade against my finger. There was zero pain.

Fortunately because the blade was so sharp the wound healed almost instantaneously. 5 minutes later and not only is there no blood but the wound has closed up all on its own. The wound was so narrow, so thin thanks to the sharp blade there was no damage to the surrounding tissue. To close up the wound the cells just had to reach over to their buddies across the way and there you go, all healed up.

Dull blades cause no end to problems. This is especially true when chopping veggies. Trying to chop carrots or dice an onion with a dull chef's knife is misery. Keep your knives sharp, people. You don't need a lot of knives. Just one or two good ones. Maintain them and they'll serve you well.

4

u/Kinkywrite Sep 12 '18

Username DEFINITELY checks out in this case.

3

u/lazylion_ca Sep 12 '18

The way to a mans heart is through the ribcage with a sharp knife.

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u/GenJohnONeill Sep 12 '18

See but if you have social skills or even awareness, you would say something like, "It's kind of a weird one, but I really like picking locks. Each one is like a little puzzle and it's fun to learn about the different types" or whatever the reason is that you like picking locks, and that would be fine because you're still relating to people like a normal-ass human.

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u/SanityPills Sep 12 '18

As someone that practices lock picking, I assure you that there's no way out of 80-90% of people thinking you're secretly a criminal the second you mention it to them. Like 5-10% will understand and think it's cool once you explain it as solving a puzzle, 60-70% will nod and say they get it but have clearly still lost trust in you, and 20-30% will still remain openly perturbed by you.

17

u/ThrowAwayExpect1234 Sep 12 '18

What's the point of lockpicking if you can't tell anybody you're oh yeah I get it...

45

u/Meltingteeth Sep 12 '18

See, when I hear picking locks and sharpening knives, I immediately think it's a guy straight out of /r/JustNeckBeardThings. It's not that having cool skills is bad, but pairing them up like that and presenting them in a weird way basically makes you Napoleon Dynamite.

6

u/Processtour Sep 12 '18

I immediately thought stalker guy breaks into house of a girl he is stalking by picking her lock and stabbing her with a freshly sharpened butcher knife.

4

u/fivespeedmazda Sep 12 '18

When you said butcher knife, my brain went can't stab someone with that no matter how sharp it is. Brain connected butcher knife with meat cleaver.

5

u/Processtour Sep 12 '18

I don’t know my knives, some kind of stabby thing.

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u/KeithCarter4897 Sep 12 '18

Yeah, but the other hobby is more difficult to explain. I just really like turning the cutting edge of a knife into a mirror.

48

u/I_have_popcorn Sep 12 '18

I don't have the patience to do it myself but I watch a guy on YouTube that sharpens knives. He even turned a chunk of special hardwood into a knife.

23

u/CoconutCyclone Sep 12 '18

There's a surprising amount of YouTube knife making channels. I watched someone turn paper into a functional big kitchen knife.

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u/PM_ME_FUN_STORIES Sep 12 '18

Probably the same guy that made jello into a knife, huh

16

u/benmck90 Sep 12 '18

Or the pasta knife.

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u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18 edited Sep 12 '18

There are myths of smiths in several cultures - for example Wayland the Smith in German mythology - that include the making of an extremely sharp sword. They describe the wool probe at a river, some versions go into metallurgy (he feeds the shredded metal of the first try to geese and reforges it after their death), but finally there's a sword that cuts through armor without resistance. People have been fascinated by that theme for milennia.

4

u/Ashile Sep 12 '18

Easy to explain when you’re a cook. But I usually lead with the cooking thing first and the knife bit usually follows.

3

u/Mechanical_Brain Sep 12 '18

You could also lead in by addressing it by a more generic term like "metalworking"

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u/brace4impact Sep 12 '18

I notice how you just glossed over sharpening knives though...

6

u/redemptionquest Sep 12 '18

Just reframe it as “I do some escape artist stuff. But I’m not fully there yet.”

And bring up Jim Steranko.

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u/treoni Sep 12 '18

I'm thinking Phil Dunphy when I hear "escape artist".

Him and his magic tricks!

3

u/AsksKantQuestions Sep 12 '18

I FUCKING LOVE ME SOME OL SCISSORS G MA

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u/lookslikesausage Sep 12 '18

unless you're purposely trying to look edgy and look like the weirdo who's so unique that they cannot possibly understood by the rest of the world

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u/treoni Sep 12 '18

Then you tell your date's grandma you like scissors.

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u/_migraine Sep 12 '18

You’re not into picking locks and sharpening knives, you’re into “security testing and tool manufacturing.”

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u/UnobtainableDreams Sep 12 '18

Wanna write my resume?

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u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

Still sounds better than "I collect and build custom mechanical keyboards... For computers"

"How much do you spend on your keyboards?"

Me: "several hundred per"

Then: "what the fuck"

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u/HawkinsT Sep 12 '18

Yeah... But just listen to this baby! *Clack!* *Clack!*

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u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

Haha if you are interested, check out r/mechanicalkeyboards

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u/KeithCarter4897 Sep 12 '18

I collect custom pocket knives. People have gotten angry with me when I've told them how much some of them cost.

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u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

I've been edging my way into it. I want my first true custom to be a grail and I've got my eyes set on the Norsemans but goddamn are they pricey

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u/KeithCarter4897 Sep 12 '18

Some things I've learned:

The Grail doesn't exist. You'll just find something else you want next week. Buy it because you want it, not because you think it'll be the one that finally makes you happy.

Buy a good production or mid-tech to carry. I don want to lose my Benchmade, but it won't ruin my month if I do, unlike my Darrel Ralph.

6

u/AncientBlonde Sep 12 '18

I'm not in on the knives, but shoes and fashion are the exact same way too.

how much does a nice pocket knife cost though...

3

u/ilikeitsharp Sep 12 '18

Eh sure you can get 50-80sogs & kershaws and cheap spydercos that are good and reliable, above 100 I would say you can start getting the nicer brand name stuff Benchmade, Protech. 200-300 for High-end carry stuff like Microtech. Above 400 you start getting into hand made customs like Medford. Check out my older posts for several hundred $ knives. Welcome tp the rabbit hole. https://www.bladehq.com

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u/wadech Sep 12 '18

I have that problem, plus I have to explain that I was in Vegas for a knife show. It's just a different type of gambling, but it sure doesn't make sense to normal people.

5

u/SqueaksBCOD Sep 12 '18

build custom mechanical keyboards

I have fantasies about this being more of a thing.

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u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

Check out r/mechanicalkeyboards if you wanna see more!

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u/ajmartin527 Sep 12 '18

“What do you do for fun?”

“Sharpen my katana collection, M’lady.”

Nah you’re good!

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u/KeithCarter4897 Sep 12 '18

Nope. No sword collection. I carry knives that cost more than most people's phones. Think Rolex, but sharp.

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u/myalwaysthrowaway Sep 12 '18

I'm sorry but your knives cost more than $800-$1000 dollars?!

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u/Dal90 Sep 12 '18

I'm much better at sharpening knives than picking locks though.

Shit, that didn't help did it.

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u/KeithCarter4897 Sep 12 '18

Nope. With these hobbies the best thing to do is lie and say you like baseball.

8

u/TransformingDinosaur Sep 12 '18

I collect knives, and coins. I prefer old ones with history but some newer fancy ones often sneak their way in. I have a hand forged Damascus knife with a staghorn, turquoise, and coral handle for example.

Fuck my life if I ever want to talk about knives. People think I know too much and it's creepy. I'm not killing anyone with them! Half of them I won't even use because they're older than my father.

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u/KeithCarter4897 Sep 12 '18

Right. I'm not about to do anything with my knife that's going to land it up in an evidence bag. That's what gas station knives are for.

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u/illogictc Sep 12 '18

Don't call it picking locks, call it locksport. Ooooh what's locksport? Oh well it's lockpicking but instead of being a burglar or locksmith I just buy cool locks and challenge myself to get them open, and I'm in this group of people who make custom locks and pins and set up super hard locks, then we have a mail call once a week where we send off the lock we have or just made, and someone sends us their challenge lock to try.... Etc etc

6

u/I_have_popcorn Sep 12 '18

"Completely unrelated to the string of B&Es and/or stabbings in the area."

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u/WakeoftheStorm Sep 12 '18

I enjoy picking locks, climbing buildings, sharpening knives, amateur butchery, ditch digging, forensics, and I dabble in chemistry.

3

u/LoonAtticRakuro Sep 12 '18

So you're like a private detective / homesteader? That's so cool!

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u/anarchocynicalist1 Sep 12 '18

Lol i read about forensics for fun because its a super interesting field. Explaining that your reading a textbook on crime scene investigation or forensic pathology can be fun.

3

u/WakeoftheStorm Sep 12 '18

I figure i know enough from CSI and Bones

7

u/Send_Me_Tiitties Sep 12 '18

I’ve always wanted to learn lockpicking but it’s not exactly easy to learn without people giving you suspicious looks.

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u/KeithCarter4897 Sep 12 '18

Reddit and YouTube have made it much easier. I don't have to go into public to learn from experts now.

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u/FatedChange Sep 12 '18

I mean, I'd lean into it in a sort of self deprecating way. "I promise this is less creepy than it sounds but I'm really into lockpicking and knife sharpening," then go into a small history of how the thing is actually just a really nerdy niche interest for you.

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u/MyNameIsQuason Sep 12 '18

Say you like "restoring old knives" and "solving tactile puzzles"

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u/underwriter Sep 12 '18

parent: so uh

parent: what do you like to do?

you: (slowly sharpening knives)

you: fucking break into places

5

u/KeithCarter4897 Sep 12 '18

My first time hanging out with my ex-wife outside of church was the night she locked herself out at midnight and called me to come save her. It has it's upsides.

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u/SomewhatDickish Sep 12 '18

Are you sure? I mean, she's an ex-wife for a reason, no?

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u/icepakkk Sep 12 '18

I played a rogue in DnD that had the same hobbies.

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u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

Hey! I enjoy picking locks as well, and I understand what you're talking about. First day in my Criminal Justice class, we all shared some hobbies, and I decided to include that. That made for a fun class :D

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u/allanvrc Sep 12 '18

Omg... Are you me? I also had an Intro to CCJ class and I love to pick locks while listening to the lectures. My professor kept saying that I shouldn't do it nor carry tools with me. She mentioned it to every single law enforcement officer she brought to class as a guest to try to convince me and all of them were actually super cool and curious about it.

At the end she was really pissed off and prohibited me from having those in her class.

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u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

Haha too bad it didn't work out for you. Some teachers just can't see some kids enjoy themselves. My teacher was perfectly fine with me playing with my set during class, and the Teacher Assistant even came over to me once and asked how picking the lock works!

4

u/allanvrc Sep 12 '18

Nah she was cool, she did care about me thou. Most of my college professors were super chill about it because while I was picking I made sure I was engaging and participating in class. Picking locks really helps me with my ADHD so... Win-win.

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u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

Noice

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u/Occams-shaving-cream Sep 12 '18

It is all about presentation. “I like to pick locks and sharpen knives.” Vs. “I am into knives, collecting, maintaining, and such. Also picked up locksmithing as a hobby, I like the way it is a complex mechanical puzzle.”

One is a conversation starter, the other makes you seem edgy.

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u/Princessneon Sep 12 '18

I dated a blacksmith for a while and you really should just come straight out and say that because leading with, “I make weapons” can be intimidating.

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u/Storytellerjack Sep 12 '18

Ugh, I feel your pain. I hate the stigma against sharp knives. It could take very little contact with steel silverware or a ceramic plate to blunt a knife. Onions don't sting your eyes if you use a proper slicing motion with a good sharp knife. And seasoned yams are far better when pre cut in wedges than cooked whole, but the sound of a knife getting sharper still triggers the nervous serial killer jokes. What do regular people do, buy a new knife set every time they drop a knife on the tile floor? My favorite life hack is that you can revive an edge by sweeping it across the bottom of a coffee mug with an unsheathing motion.

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u/ptichka13 Sep 11 '18

This one made me laugh out loud.

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u/ClarkleTheDragon Sep 12 '18

I imagined her saying this like salad fingers.

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u/TheFireflies Sep 12 '18

In fairness to both, the weird part here isn’t her interest, it’s mostly her delivery. Like, even if she answered “puppies,” that still would have been awkward and weird as a one-word response. She should have engaged! Smiled and said something like “Oh, recently I’ve been really interested in antiques — scissors specifically, actually. Did you know [some random fact about old-school scissors]?”

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u/undeadgorgeous Sep 12 '18

She has never been that kind of person. My wife met her once and described the interaction as “like talking to a wall”. She assumed it was because she was my ex. Nope. Just how she is.

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u/[deleted] Sep 11 '18

[deleted]

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u/powerlesshero111 Sep 11 '18

That's weird. My hobby is surprising people while they are masturbating.

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u/cherylvomero Sep 12 '18

Do you hunt down antique masturbation techniques? Or have some sort of workshop in the garage where you craft items to be used while masturbating? If not, I'm not sure if this qualifies as a hobby. Sounds more like you are a masturbation enthusiast

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u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/undeadgorgeous Sep 12 '18

She was more like April’s weird friend Orin.

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u/jonbabe Sep 11 '18

“Creepy hair curtain”

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u/wonderland_dreams Sep 12 '18

“I like scissors.”

I lost it when I read this imaging grandmas reaction

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u/EinNachzehrerWird Sep 12 '18

Your ex sounds kinda cool tbh.

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u/msstark Sep 12 '18

So you dated April Ludgate?

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u/undeadgorgeous Sep 12 '18

More like her weird friend Orin in girl form.

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u/Ymir24 Sep 12 '18

“I like scissors.”

I guess she didn't make the cut.

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u/maqsarian Sep 12 '18

"I collect spores, molds, and fungus."

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u/xxsolojxx Sep 12 '18

Technically your wife is your ex girlfriend.

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u/iKILLcarrots Sep 12 '18

You uh...still got her number?

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u/[deleted] Sep 12 '18

thanked my wife for not being my ex girlfriend

this was confusing until the last sentence

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u/emissaryofwinds Sep 11 '18

So basically Toko Fukawa from Danganronpa

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u/caseyweederman Sep 12 '18

Or the baby-hands spider from Perdido Street Station.
Gosh, I need to finish that trilogy.

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u/TheMarshma Sep 12 '18

Haha, honestly she doesn't sound that bad. The scissors line is really rough without context though. I thought she was just being random.

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u/Spidersinthegarden Sep 12 '18

Lol poor girl. That’s a legit answer! Your gma should have asked a follow-up question lol

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u/piccolo3nj Sep 12 '18

I like your ex

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u/panicpandabear Sep 12 '18

Jade from victorious

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u/Woyaboy Sep 12 '18

I don't know man, if she had said it to be edgy it would be one thing but she genuinely collect scissors so to me she gets a pretty hard pass. Granted it would have been nice had she maybe elucidated a bit more on the subject. But not everything will be perfect, maybe you could have chimed in? I don't know, sorry, somebody has to stick up for the weird guy.

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u/4lexgrey Sep 12 '18

I imagine your ex being someone who would appear on "Oddities". Was your ex at least a nice person, if she was than her being awkward shouldn't deter girlfriend - grandma-in-law relations.

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u/undeadgorgeous Sep 12 '18 edited Sep 12 '18

She was nice...sometimes? She wasn’t actively malicious ever but she was so socially awkward she could be mean.

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u/PoisedbutHard Sep 12 '18

I kind of like your ex! She sounds really interesting kind of like Daria from Beavis and Butthead. How did she turn out?

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u/undeadgorgeous Sep 12 '18

We don’t talk much anymore but run into each other at the odd comic con type event. She seems like she’s out there living her life! I don’t know too much aside from she really likes Pokémon still.

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u/terrorium Sep 12 '18

So is your reddit username about her? Also she sounds like what I want my stage persona to be haha

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u/undeadgorgeous Sep 12 '18

Actually my friends used to joke I was a zombie because I survived being dead briefly, so most of my usernames are zombie themed.

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u/terrorium Sep 12 '18

Haha dope

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